


The New Skin I'm in

by HeroofProcrastination



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Billy Hargrove Being an Asshole, Bisexual Steve Harrington, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Confused Steve Harrington, Dustin needs to stop, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Experiment steve, Gay Billy Hargrove, Gen, Hurt Steve Harrington, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Lesbian Robin Buckley, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Psychic Abilities, Slow Burn, Soccer Mom Steve Harrington, Steve Feels, Steve Harrington Has Bad Parents, Steve Harrington Has Powers, Steve Harrington Is a Mess, Steve Needs a Hug, The Upside Down, Touch-Starved, bad at feelings, steve might be terrified by el, the party being idiots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-01-23 04:47:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 34
Words: 175,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21314422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeroofProcrastination/pseuds/HeroofProcrastination
Summary: Steve learned when he was eight years old he wasn’t a Harrington.“You better do greater next time, you’re an investment.”Steve was twelve when he realized his house wasn’t a home, it was a storage unit, a coffin for every little expensive item his parents had purchased on their trips. And Steve, he was the most expensive let down in the house.
Relationships: Billy Hargrove & Jim "Chief" Hopper, Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington, Eleven | Jane Hopper & Steve Harrington, Joyce Byers & Billy Hargrove, Joyce Byers & Steve Harrington, Robin Buckley & Steve Harrington, Steve Harrington & Dustin Henderson, Steve Harrington & Jim "Chief" Hopper, Steve Harrington & The Party
Comments: 1330
Kudos: 2652





	1. Chapter 1

It was cold and yet Steve was still sweating. Sweaty palms had always been a pain for him when he was nervous- especially during basketball. 

It was so quiet, almost as quiet as his own home. He was waiting...he could hear Lucas and the little red head - drowning, screaming- in the school bus behind him. 

“Come on buddy!” He called out, whistling out through the fog.

“I promise I taste better than cat!” He’s sweating and he swings the bat a couple times to make sure it won’t fly out of his hands. The fog is rising and swirling and honestly when had Hawkings become such a nightmare. He thinks he can hear something in the distance some kind of twisted version of purring. 

Another swing. 

“STEVE! THREE O’CLOCK!”  


“Kind of busy right now!” 

“Steve!” 

Steve turns just in time to see the second demodog...no… third, there was only meant to be one…there was only ever meant to be one!

Then he’s leaping over a car hood, and there’s a flash of sickly grey and another swing. 

He can hear the screeching of **ABORT **behind him and he’s running, and he can hear them following, there was only ever meant to be one.

He slams into the small children but he doesn’t have time to think, before he even realizes it he’s moved a sheet of metal between him and the door, his legs holding it shut. 

“They can’t get in!” Dustin is screeching in his ear and Steve would wince if his heart wasn’t beating a mile a minute. But the responding claw through the metal was answer enough. _ They could. _

He was swinging as hard as he could smacking it harder and harder each time, ignoring the stinging blood splattering on his face. It wasn’t moving anymore or at least Steve didn’t think it was, but he wasn’t going to risk it, he wasn’t going to stop. 

But then he heard a screech and he was moving, pulling the redheaded girl back and staring into the monster above. 

If you asked, Steve wouldn’t be able to tell you what he had yelled at that creature nor why his head was splitting open, not even when the blood started to pour down from his nose. But he could tell you when the Demodogs turned tail and ran. 

In that silence they waited and after a moment they were headed to Byers. Steve couldn’t stop the shaking in his hands, couldn’t brush the blood from his face, have confused if the blood was his own or the monsters. 

The thing was Steve didn’t feel scared...maybe it was the shock he wasn’t terribly certain, but there was the Byers house and that’s all that matter...the safe haven. It twisted Steve’s stomach when he stepped inside and everyone was there. Seeing the reunion of friends and makeshift family planning made Steve feel...wrong. 

The first time Steve realized his house wasn’t a home was when he was twelve. It started simple of course, a few trips here and there, a new Nanny every other week. Steve hadn’t thought it was odd, why would it be? He had nothing to compare it to, He wasn’t aware parents were meant to tuck you in at night, he didn’t know parents were meant to kiss your pain away. 

But he did know parents were meant to like children. 

_ “I never did want children.” _His mother had smothered out between red lips against the clear crystal of her wine glass. 

Parents were meant to want their children...weren’t they? 

It was later he learned that babies sat in their mother’s stomach before they were born, not brought in by some bird. When he came home that day and asked his mother about what he was like during that time her eyes had been as cold as ever. 

_ “You think I gave birth to you? I would never allow a chance to ruin my figure.” _

Steve learned when he was eight years old he wasn’t a Harrington. 

_ “You better do greater next time, you’re an investment.” _

When he was ten the Nannies stopped showing up, when he was ten his parents left for a month. When Steve turned twelve and his parents didn’t appear for his birthday Steve realized he wasn’t their child. 

Steve wasn’t a human in their eyes, he was an _ investment. _

Steve was twelve when he realized his house wasn’t a home, it was a storage unit, a coffin for every little expensive item his parents had purchased on their trips. 

So Steve sat amongst the priceless paintings and exorbitant pottery knowing he was the most expensive let down in the house. 

So he ignored everything, did what he wanted, it didn’t matter. 

_ “I spent nearly ten thousand on you! You’re meant to be smarter than this!” _

By the time Steve reached Highschool he learned he was stupid, useless, and most importantly a disappointment - a let down of money. 

And then the Upside down came into play. 

  


Things changed then; his little swimming pool was no longer just that, but a tomb for a young girl named Barb who had deserved so much more than what was handed to her. 

Then the Demogorgon came and Steve finally decided to change...and when he picked up that bat he finally unearthed his purpose. 

  


He thought he had everything figured out then, sure everything flipped on him, _ upside down- what a fitting name. _

But he knew what he didn’t want to be anymore, _ King Steve- _ the disappointment, the dumbass, the _ investment _. 

So he was changing and changing and then it was all _ bullshit. _ He hadn’t changed fast enough. Nancy drank her lies away and looked at him with more honesty than Steve had ever seen before in her eyes. 

_ Bullshit. _

_ Bullshit. _

_ Bullshit. _

Then there was even more Demogorgons- well Demodogs if Dustin was to be indulged. He grabbed his bat and he swung, _ Bullshit _ , and swung, ** _Bullshit._ **

That’s what this whole thing was..._ Bullshit. _

Families were _ Bullshit _and yet it still made Steve’s eyes sting when Joyce announced they needed to kill the mindflayer, how Bob had died. How sickly Will was. 

Then they heard the howls, and the screeching and everyone had their weapons up, Steve clutched his own bat up unsure if it was going to be a weapon or his lifeline. The hard heated wood was a comfort between his palms. 

He blinked and suddenly there was something flying through the window and slumping on the floor, there was screams and he wasn’t sure who had made them. The creatu-demodog was dead, that was clear but it didn’t matter anymore, a window was open and the door was moving, the lock was unlocking itself and Steve felt so sick...this was it, this was how they were going to die, and his parents wouldn’t ever know. They would think he was useless to the end, disappearing just like Barb had, another Hawkings mystery to be lost to the wind, an addition to their line of broken overpriced purchases. 

Then there was the girl. Bloody noses and wide eyes, pale fingers and quiet steps: Eleven. Steve couldn’t say why she scared him so much, more than the monster that peeled itself out of the walls, more than the screams of a redhead drowning in another world. 

Eleven was terrifying; and Steve couldn’t comprehend why.

She was rude with Max but exuberant to see Mike. She had blood running down her nose but she was quick to wipe it away, she looked wild. Her hair slicked back and leather jacket on her shoulders, black eyeshadow smudged around her eyes. 

She was so small and yet she held a presence more stronger than Hopper (the biggest man in the room). 

She came in with a bang and was whisked away just as fast; before Steve could really comprehend the fact he was terrified of a little girl. But he stayed to his purpose, protector, he was going to make sure these kids were safe, and that meant getting over this baffling fear. 

And by the time he finally had a chance to wipe away all the blood on his face and hands, blood from the monsters, and himself, the kids had already decided on a plan for themselves

Steve’s head hurt and he wasn’t having it.

“Hey! Hey! This is not happening.” He declared finally amongst the scheming preteens, they didn’t even have the audacity to look sorry. 

And his _ hurt. _

“By the time they realize we’re gone-” “El would be at the gate.” 

And No, _ No way in HELL was this going to happen _. 

“Hey! Hey! This is not happening.” Steve snapped swinging his arms in a way to show there would be no argument. Gods was his head killing him. 

“But!” One of the kids launched out. 

“No, no, no, no, no. No Buts!” He pointed at Dustin for emphasis, “I promised I’d keep you shitheads safe, and that’s exactly what I plan on.” 

He stared them all done, feeling a tickle in the back of his throat, something that distinctly tasted like blood. 

“We’re staying here.” He gestured wildly, was his vision swimming, “On the bench.” 

“And we're waiting for the starting team to do their job. Does everybody understand?” Steve glanced around at the rebellious children- because that’s what they were, children. 

“I need a yes!”

His head _ hurt _, and things just kept tilting around him, and he couldn’t help but feel a tingling high up in his nose, and itch that made him want to sneeze.

And then it just _ had _ to get worse; because then- _ with the worst timing ever! _\- he heard that obnoxious car engine roaring in the driveway. 

_ Steve had to be cursed. _

And then the new girl’s face got infinitely more paler. _ As if _his day couldn't get any worse. 

"It's my brother." The girl grabbed at her head and all Steve could think was, _ same. _

"He can't know I'm here. He'll kill me. He'll kill us." She squeaked out. Steve's heart sunk, he knew that fear, he knew that anxiety. 

_ Right _ ... _ no one was getting hurt on his watch. _

So he walks outside, simple as that, no one was going to get hurt. 

He can see Hargrove inside his obnoxious blue camaro. Honestly it still made his heart thump, and honestly Steve couldn’t tell if it was fear or not. 

He watched Hargrove climb out of the car and honestly...he looked good...in an objective sort of way, it was clear he had gotten ready for..._ something. _

He would’ve given it more thought if his head hadn’t been splitting open. 

“Am I dreaming, or is that you, Harrington?” _ God, he was tired. _

“Yeah, it's me. Don't cream your pants.” 

Hargrove was walking towards him flicking a cigarette onto the ground, the smoke was cloying in a way he didn’t think possible. 

“What are you doing here, amigo?” Hargrove’s voice sounded...stilted. _ Off. _

“I could ask you the same thing.” Steve stated back, “Amigo.” He tacked on afterwards. 

Hargrove looked at the Byers’ house behind him and he got a glint in his eye. 

“Looking for my stepsister. A little birdie told me she was here.”

“Huh, that's weird. I don't know her.” Steve needed him to leave, he was sick of this weird tug of war Hargrove wanted to play, and he _ especially _ did not want to get into tonight of all nights. Not when that girl had looked so scared. 

“Small? Redhead? Bit of a bitch.” _ oh...Wooow. _Steve never did like the way Hargrove talked. 

“Doesn't ring a bell. Sorry, buddy.”

Hargrove sighed in response. 

“You know, I don't know, this,” Hargrove clicked his tongue in that annoying way he always did. “This whole situation, Harrington, I don't know.” He glanced around shrugging and Steve just knew he was raring for a fight. 

“It's giving me the heebie-jeebies.”

“Oh, yeah? Why's that?”

“My 13-year-old sister goes missing all day. And then I find her with you in a stranger's house. And you lie to me about it.” Hargrove’s eyes flickered down and Steve started to feel his stomach twist. 

“Man, were you dropped too much as a child, or what? I don't know what you don't understand about what I just said.” Steve growled out, he still had this, he still could get the other boy away. “She's not here.”

“Then who is that?” Hargrove pointed behind him and Steve whipped around to see the kids badly jumping back to not get seen, _ oh shit. _

And then he was staring at the sky. 

“Listen- I told you to plant your feet.” 

Steve could barely process the situation, his head was exploding open, ripping at the seams. He probably smacked it down on the ground. 

He rolled over seeing the Byers’ door thrown open, he could hear screaming, _ no. No. _

If you asked Steve, he wouldn’t be able to tell you what happened next, he knew he ran in, he knew he saw Lucas get thrown around and honestly, what sick bastard hurt kids like that, _ monsters did. _

Steve remembered throwing a punch, he remembers hearing Hargrove call him _ King Steve, _and he remembers pushing two fingers against that necklace he always had on. He remembers seeing Hargrove’s wide eyes and then….then he didn’t anymore. 

Funnily enough, the fight was a blur, but the black of Steve being knocked out wasn’t, in fact when he would recall it later, it was the clearest memory of it all. It had been strange...to say the least. 

It had been black, pitch black and endless, a void so deep Steve was afraid of drowning. He could see the kids moving around him, they seemed almost glowing compared to the rest of the environment. He couldn’t hear them, in fact everything sounded like he was underwater, or had cotton pressed into his ears. The ground was cold and wet, and he could hear scuttling, Steve sat up in the cold dark area, the kids were still scrambling about looking like weird blurred versions of themselves. 

But nothing mattered compared to that scratching, like rats in the walls. Steve walked closer to the noise trying to pinpoint it, when he stumbled across a bright red thread. It...didn’t look real, in fact it looked like it was made out of some kind of flame. 

And then there was thousands, littering the landscape, all reaching to a single point, all falling underneath Steve and moving, Steve couldn't see where all the threads lead, seeing only this strange red tear, but below him he saw them thousands upon thousands of Demodogs all with threads shooting through their heads. It was like one giant spiderweb, absolutely horrifying in it’s red glow. The one thread in front of Steve wavered and he couldn’t answer why. 

Why did he want to snap that thread, why did he even know it was thread? Steve let his fingers rise up and gently pluck at the string before him, he watched as it wavered from the vibration and it was a pretty sturdy thread, more like a guitar string, made with metal. 

But the oddest part of all was when Steve pulled on that string the Demodog below shook its head and pawed at it’s own face, just like when Tommy’s old Terrier had gotten an ear infection. 

It was odd to say the least especially cuz Steve was pretty sure those helions below did _ not _ have ears. Especially now that Steve could get a good look at them. Their heads were completely smooth, nope. No ears. 

Steve couldn’t help himself from wanting to snap the string, he always did have a destructive streak (even if it did tend to be a bit more self if anything..._ bullshit _). 

He pulled on the thread and leaned back as hard as he could trying to snap it with his weight alone, reaching forward with one foot to step on it. It sliced through his hand but he had it, he knew he had it. He could feel it give, feel the strain as he tugged. 

  


.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

**SNAP**

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

The cacophony of silence was maddening, Steve’s head hurt again and his hands had been sliced open and bleeding, it was dark and the way that red thread retreated like a living thing made Steve want to puke. 

He couldn’t see if the Demodog below was shaking its head or not, but what Steve did know was that his head hurt all over again. 

His eyesight was getting lighter and lighter and was...was that Nancy? No...it..it wasn’t Nancy and the look he was receiving was almost worse than it not being her. 

“No, don't touch it.” What...touch what? _ Shit _, did his head hurt. He turned his head slightly to see Dustin looking down at him. 

“Hey, buddy,” Steve must’ve made a noise in response because then Dustin was shushing him. “It's okay. You put up a good fight. He kicked your ass, but you put up a fight. You're okay.”

_ Put up a good fight? Oh...right... _Hargrove.. 

Wait...where..where even were they? Steve turned his head to really look around and found the little redheaded girl at the wheel, and ** _OH GOD._ **

“Okay, you're gonna keep straight for a half a mile, then make a left on Mount Sinai.” Oh my god...they why were kids driving??

“What's going on? Oh, my God!” 

“Just relax. She's driven before.” That was NOT going to help.

“Yeah, in a parking lot”

“That counts.”

Steve couldn’t even comprehend what was happening, he got kidnapped by little twelve year olds...oh god. 

“They were gonna leave you behind.” Steve turned his head back to Dustin.

“Oh, my God.” 

“I promised that you'd be cool, okay?” Dustin whispered, as if that was the problem here. 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What's going on? Oh, my God. No! Whoa! Stop the car. Slow down.” The girl swerved omg she was _ worse _ than her sibling, how could any be ** _worse_ ** than Hargrove in horrifying and dangerous driving!?

“I told you he'd freak out.” Mike. He scowled at the other boy. 

“Stop the car!” He shouted out in desperation. 

“Everybody shut up! I'm trying to focus! Oh, wait, that's Mount Sinai.” Oh god, she was just as crazy as her brother. 

“ Make a left.”

“What?” 

“Make a left.” And everything tilted, He started to scream and judging by the sound so did everyone else. 

When they did manage to get to the place they were heading to- the tunnels it had to be the tunnels. Steve felt like he could puke. There was something tickling the side of his head and when he reached for it- well it was blood. Great. 

“Hey, where do you think you're going? What are you, deaf? Hello? We are not going down there right now. I made myself clear.” Their faces swirled as they started to pull on masks and goggles, holy shit they were serious. 

Oh god, it was so much work to just keep three kids safe when they were in a broken down bus, but here!? Hell no they were open, defenseless this was the dumbest shit they’d ever thought of. 

“Hey, there's no chance we're going to that hole, all right? This ends right now!” He screeched out stumbling to the side, a hand steadying him, he turned to face Dustin. G_ ooood, _ even he looked serious. 

“Steve, you're upset, I get it.” oh gosh, he was using one of those techniques. “But the bottom line is, a party member requires assistance, and it is our duty to provide that assistance. Now, I know you promised Nance that you would keep us safe.” He thrusted the bat into Steve’s hands and oh...oh this was it, he couldn’t go back now, he really couldn’t. 

“So, keep us safe.”

_ Keep us safe. _

_ Keep us safe. _

_ Bullshit. Keep us safe. _

_ Bullshit. _

  


Steve nodded even though all the kids were already moving on. 

Right...Steve had his convictions, he wasn’t the _ investment _ ….he wasn’t _ useless. _

He was going to keep them safe. 

He looked up to see Mike already clamoring into a hole and Nope, nope, not happening. 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey, hey, hey. I don't think so.” He shouted out tugging Mike out of the pit.

“Any of you little shits die down here, I’m getting the blame. Got it, dipshit? From here on out, I'm leading the way. Come on, let's go. Come on.” He ushered them after himself, dropping into the pit himself and oh…._ oh. _

This place was wrong. Oh so very wrong, Steve could _ feel _ it in a way he’s never felt before. It was unnaturally cold, so cold in fact that Steve was pretty sure frost was collecting on the nails of the bat. He had a bandanna over his mouth but that did nothing for the smell. It was rough. 

Rotten and clogging up his throat and the hairs on the back of his neck stood up, as if something was watching him constantly. Oh...he could hear the scuttling in the far far distance and god...that many Demodogs were down here. 

He pushed the kids in front, counting their heads one by one, making sure no one fell behind, it was nerve wracking to say the least. 

They were too open, too defenseless, there was no way they were going to win. The tunnels went on for ages, and not only that but they branched off way too many times for Steve to feel comfortable- not that anyone could in this kind of setting. 

Dustin began to lag behind which seriously just pissed Steve off, not like he had three other kids to watch over. But then they burned the center and the scratching was worse, worse than even in the dark place. 

He didn’t remember running but he did remember Dustin tripping. He remembered picking him up and thinking wow...I’m real dizzy. 

But it was all for nothing because standing in front of them was a Demodog, oh...oh god...this was it, this is where they were going to die. Him and Dustin. 

His parents weren’t even going to find out, hell they probably wouldn’t even care. _ A waste of money _ . Just like every other stupid trinket in that _ bullshit _ house. 

His parents wouldn’t even know that at the end he hadn’t been useless, he’d saved lives, sorta. 

Lost a fight, probably got a concussion and now was going to die failing to save one out of the four children he had endangered. 

And then it happened to be Dart, and honestly that was so so lucky, but for some reason Steve could tell, this was the same Demodog he had snapped his thread from. It was strange to just...**know **something. Steve never knew anything, but hey, he knew this Demodog wasn’t tied to whatever red spider had built its web over Hawkins.

The creature was inching forward, _ don’t hurt us, don’t hurt us, please, god, don’t hurt us. Please, please, please. _

He couldn’t scrunch his eyes for his mantra, but the creature looked at him and _ god...was it looking at him? It sure as hell didn’t have eyes. _

Dustin threw the chocolate and he turned and Steve could breathe again, there was blood dripping down his nose and the rest was blur as Dart continued eating. And then suddenly there was thousands of them running and all Steve could see was a tsunami of red rushing towards him and suddenly through him and Dustin, bumping and almost making him fall, all those threads conjoining into one point, to the center. 

“Steve?” 

Steve turned to Dustin, the world was spinning on him here. 

“Your nose is bleeding.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this one might be a bit strange, but I had this idea bouncing around in my head for a while now and I couldn't help but write it out. Please let me know what you think and also if you like it, since that's going to be my only indication on if I should continue this, 
> 
> This is my first time writing in this fandom and I'm hoping I get the feel right. 
> 
> Again please let me know what you think, and thank you for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg! I didn't expect such a lovely reaction! Thank you so much!  
Again this was a little scary for me to continue, I haven't ever written for Stranger Things before and I'm hoping nothing sounds too OOC. 
> 
> But with such a warm reception I couldn't help but want to continue! Thank you everyone!

It‘s funny how Steve thought in interrogations or interviews. As if anyone really wanted to ask him such questions. 

Honestly, being vetted by a...was it Dr. Owens? Was strange enough. He didn’t think anyone would actually ask,  _ what do you remember last night? _

Yet despite the fact he was confident no one would ask him such a thing, he’d already thought of the answer ages ago. That’s just how Steve thought, as if someone was asking him questions always. 

He had told Dr. Owens that well no...he didn’t remember everything, there was  _ severe _ gaps in his memories. Hopper had been pacing behind them and Steve had hated it the whole time. Something told him not to speak about the dark cold place he had visited. 

His brain already whispering the questions if he had. 

_ Did you break your brain? _

_ Are you crazy? _

_ Are you sure you really saw what you think you saw? _

And honestly...it was probably just a hallucination from his concussion. Since that’s what it was at the end. 

‘ _ He definitely has a concussion.’ _

Dustin could have told them that with the way he was adamant Steve had broken his brain. 

' _ He hit his head like...a gazillion times!' _

_ 'It was like two.' _

_ 'Actually I counted it's like four' Mike sounded out snootily _

The worst part was when Hopper drove Steve to the Hospital (and Dustin’s screech at not being allowed to follow along) and they had to give him stitches, luckily it didn’t compromise his hairline. Apparently Hargrove had smashed a plate over his head and some of the (porcelain, glass, plastic?) had decided to make its home snuggled into Steve’s skull. And yet somehow the stitches didn’t hurt as badly as his headache did. That dull throbbing behind his eyes and the itch in the back of his throat. 

When he puked Hopper had looked pretty concerned, it was funny to see it on such a gruff man’s face. 

  
  


When they let him go with a packet of everything wrong Hopper was the one to drive him home. Steve hadn’t really thought about it much, but his face hurt, and his head hurt more, he was content to lay his face against the icy window and try to drift - even if every few minutes or so Hopper would shake him awake saying the Doctors didn’t think he should sleep so soon. 

“Where’s your car kid? I’ll have it towed to you tomorrow.” Steve pulled himself from the window and  _ huh...Where was his car? _

He shifted his gaze to Hopper with confusion. 

“I-I don’t…” Steve tried to remember...had he had his car at the Byers? Or...or had he left it at the junkyard...no, no...that couldn’t be right, he remembers walking with Dustin. 

Hopper sighed and Steve felt like a moron. 

“Okay. I’ll have someone keep an eye out for it, we’ll find it.” Steve didn’t know why that sentence made tears prickle to his eyes, but he wasn’t going to risk crying in front of the other man. 

_ ‘Grow up, you’re meant to be a man!’ _

Right, no tears. 

“Hey son, we’re here.” He felt Hopper’s searing hot hand on his shoulder and had this space always been this small. Had the Chief’s truck always felt this tiny? This confining? 

Steve nodded quick to jump out of the other man’s hand. He just wanted to sleep that was all, he just wanted to sleep. 

“Look...Kid..” Steve staggered as he stood before his empty stupid cage of a house. He turned his back to it and looked at Hopper who seemed to be fumbling with something...or he really wanted to punch something, honestly it could go either way with the Chief. 

“Yeah Chief?”

“It was that Hargrove kid wasn’t it?” Steve blinked rapidly in response.  _ What was Hargrove? _

“You let me know okay, and I’ll press charges, what he did wasn’t okay.” 

_ Oh _ .

No...that wasn’t…

“It’s okay Chief I don’t…” What was Steve even trying to say? It must have shown on his face because Hopper dropped it next with a  _ shit. _

“Right, sorry kid, let’s get you home.” He came up and before he could touch Steve, he was already walking forward, everything wasn’t as dizzying as it had been but he had to wonder if the street lights had always been the bright, that smeared in the distance. 

Of course there wasn’t a light on in his house, he hadn’t been home late enough for him to turn it on before he left.  _ Home...what bullshit. _

Before Steve could even reach into his pocket for his keys Hopper had already slammed his knuckles into his wood door.  _ Gods, that was loud.  _ Steve winced, wondering why in the  _ hell _ was the Chief knocking? And how did he get a knock to sound so authoritative? It kind of reminded Steve of his dad….weirdly enough. 

Hopper waited a few moments, leaning back in a way that made Steve want to sit down, and Steve was bewildered for a moment before finally managing to get his keys in his fingers. 

“Where’s your parents Steve?”  _ Steve? When did he start calling him Steve?  _

“I don’t know.” Steve whispered back stumbling into his coffin.  _ Huh...had he always left his shoes there? _

“You don’t know?” He could hear Hopper getting closer. Steve just needed to get more inside, and nap, definitely nap...or shower...actually shower sounded better. 

“Or you don’t remember?” Hopper asked with a raised eyebrow. Steve flinched back as he flicked on the lights,  _ oh yup, light sensitivity there you are. _

Steve shrugged. Both were true, he’s not entirely sure his parents even told him where they went this time. It was also very possible he just didn’t pay attention. 

He heard Hopper sigh again and Steve kind of wanted to laugh, even though nothing was funny. 

“How about I stay with you a bit-” Steve turned around and no..no one stayed in this house, no person stayed here. 

“Chief, it’s okay, I know you want to be with...that girl umm..” Shit...what was her name again...he remembers being told it, he remembers it being a number. Steve never was good with numbers. 

“Eleven?” Hopper filled in.  _ Right, right, Eleven, how could he forget? _

“Right, Eleven. Sorry.” Steve offered as he sat down on his steps to pull off his shoes. He could feel Hopper’s eyes on him but with another sigh he gently (who knew he could do that) placed the packet down on the table. 

“I’ll check in on you tomorrow,” The Chief offered turning to leave, Steve didn’t even really acknowledge him, more focused on the fact that when he tugged on his shoe laces they turned into knots. 

“I’ll bring your car over and we’ll make sure you’re all set up, we’ll have another meeting with…” He drifted off and despite the concussion Steve knew what Hopper was inferring. Tomorrow was government suits day to hardcore vet them all out and make them sign huge contracts that Steve couldn’t hope to understand even if the letters kept moving along the pages. 

He always signed without reading and Nancy...well Nancy always had to read it out and get angry but...well guess Steve didn't have to deal with that anymore…

_ Bullshit _

Gods he hated that word. 

But didn't it just accurately represent his life. Sometimes he dreamed of Nancy asking him how come his parents weren't around so much, how come his parents never called him son. 

She never did notice...hell she never even wondered why out of the two houses why Steve always picked hers. (Even though his parents were never home). 

He always wished she had... _ bullshit. _

He walked past that ugly ass vase that was in the entranceway, and he got that feeling again, that ridiculous urge to wreck it. 

Steve was tired and he needed a shower. 

He walked up the steps- well walked was a generous word, even with the world tilting Steve was pretty sure your forehead wasn't meant to bump against the carpet. 

  
  


He also was pretty sure he wasn't meant to be standing in the shower with his clothes on. He started to peel off the clothes and it felt like ripping off a web, flaying the tight skin off himself. 

_ Huh _ ...he thought he had taken his shoes off.

He didn't remember managing to get all the clothes off but he must off since when he crawled out of the shower he wasn't wearing anything anymore. He was exhausted. 

Surprisingly it was easy to pull on a loose sweater and sweatpants, curling on top of his bed, in fact it was even easier to sleep. 

Again came that blissful dark cold place, like alo on a sunburn. His head hurt, but in a different way, he slowly sat up from the warm water that just glided off his skin, never leaving a trace of being wet in the first place. Like water on rubber….

  
  


Everything was still dark, in fact there was nothing around, no blurred children, no scuttling...nothing. just an empty cold void...and yet it felt more like home than his actual house. 

He slowly turned his head, well more like everything seemed to be in slow motion in this dream. 

That's when he saw it, on small red thread in the distance latching onto something moving frantically. The thread was dancing snapping back and forth...just like a fishing line, as if whatever was holding the thread was hanging on for dear life and the other caught on the thread was just as desperate. 

Steve watched as the string snapped once...twice before it relatched on, he slowly stood up, and felt compelled to step towards that red thread. He felt that itch in the back of his throat that tasted like blood. 

  
  


It was a rat...squirming, fidgeting, and squealing in an obvious cry for pain. Steve's eyes traveled up the string and saw….

Nothing. 

The string just faded into darkness off somewhere even Steve couldn't see. Steve let his eyes fall back down to the struggling rat, when suddenly the string whipped and the rat was tugged back into the darkness. 

Suddenly the area didn't feel so safe anymore. 

_ Was...was the air getting thinner?  _

There was a small growl and  _ oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, it sounded just like a Demodog! _

Steve stumbled back as a flaming red line launched out- reaching and-

Steve jumped up from bed breathing hard….he glanced around the room, oh... _ oh his head hurt. _

Right...he hadn't...turned off any of the lights. But hey on the plus side; no flickering lights, no monsters. 

Right... _ no monsters _ ... _ he was safe.  _

_ He was safe. _

_ He was safe.  _

_ Bullshit. _

Steve felt something warm drip down onto his lips and the unwelcome taste of copper bloomed on his senses.  _ Gross _ . 

Steve wiped off the blood, ugh yup...bloody nose. 

_ Concussions were the  _ ** _worst!_ **

_ Ugh _ , and it was in his mouth too. 

Steve snapped up-

Aaaannd immediately fell down. The small thunk of his head meeting mattress wasn't the most gracious of introductions, but it didn't matter anymore. Steve was even more exhausted (and honestly, how does that even happen!? He just woke up!) And he felt nauseous all over again.

He couldn't tell if he needed to puke or not...guess it was going to be the waiting game...

  
  


Steve didn't remember falling asleep, but being woken up by a hard shake on his shoulder from Chief Hopper was enough to wish he hadn't. 

  
  


Steve stumbled away from the chief, he would've fallen off had he moved even an inch further. Oh his head  _ really _ hurt now, way too much movement. 

There was a grumble of some sort and Steve looked up, Hopper was talking.

"What?"

"I said, son! Where the hell are your parents?" Hopper growled out in a- surprisingly- restrained fashion. 

"Umm, you...umm they left." Steve whispered bringing a hand up to his head-  _ ouch _ , stitches. 

Steve closed his eyes and tried to clear the fog from his head...it wasn't working. 

Great he was even dumber than usual now. 

_ 'All that money and this is what we get! He was meant to impressive, instead we get some dumb fu-' _

"Kid?" Steve blinked back up at the Chief. His face actually looked concerned. 

"What?" Oop, there was the sigh. 

"Comeon kid, we have a meeting to get to and honestly, you aren't fit to drive." Steve had to agree with that. 

Steve stumbled for a moment disoriented, having the Chief made it so much easier to get down the steps, even if his touch made ants dance across his skin. 

  
  


It was then that Steve remembered the Chief used to have a daughter, especially since he crouched down and pulled on Steve’s shoes for him, easily tying them up in a big bow. No one had ever done that for him before…

“Okay son, we found your car over at the Wheeler’s and it’ll be towed back here later today.” Chief stood up with a groan and Steve looked over at that ugle vase. The Wheelers...why had he?

_ Oh... _ was that really just a day ago? 

Where even had those flowers gone? 

  
  


It didn’t matter...not really, Steve knew it was over, he had been so desperate to hang onto Nancy, she had made him feel like a person, not an item, not an  _ investment.  _

** _Bullshit_ ** **.**

Steve had always wanted to be something, to have a purpose, to be important in someone’s eyes. 

_ ‘What are you even good for?’ _

He had secured himself to Nancy and believed her his only purpose. Even if he was lost in the whole ‘what did it matter’ of the situation. 

In the end he wasn’t any good at that either. He hadn’t been a good boyfriend. 

_ Bullshit. _

The worst part was, he had loved her...or well he did love her. But in the end it hadn’t been real, just like his family. 

He sometimes wondered what his life would be like if his parents hadn’t bought him. If he had grown up in the place he was first born in, wherever it was, would he have been happy? 

Would his birth parents had loved him? 

_ Probably not.  _

  
  


“Look son...before we go in, I just want you to know,’ Steve blinked and turned to Hopper,  _ oh...they’d arrived. _

_ When did he even get in Hopper’s truck? _

“You can tell me anything okay son, I mean it. If that Hargrove boy starts something up again, you tell me, and if…” Hopper’s eyes met Steve’s own. “If, something is happening at your home, you are welcome to come to my cabin.” 

Steve didn’t know what to think about that. Hopper was inviting him to his cabin? And gods...Steve wanted to go…

It was actually surprising how strong the desire was to go. Hopper had helped him to the hospital, he had tied Steve’s shoes for him and-

_ El was there. _

Right. Steve couldn’t go, what was he thinking, he was a man, he had turned eighteen. He did not need to be babied, and besides Eleven needed all the help she could get, she did not have to deal with Steve while in recovery. 

And maybe the fact that something about El made Steve’s stomach twist had something to do with it. 

It didn’t matter. 

“Okay Chief.” Steve answered, because that’s what you did when you talked to an officer. He had never been allowed to talk much about his family anyway. 

  
  
  
  


Honestly the feds were the worst. They always made you sit isolated in a single boxed concrete room and demand what happened. They then would hand you huge packets that made a resounding thwack when they landed on the steel table. 

Steve hated every second of it. 

But that came nothing close to the next part of the day when the doctors were allowed free reign of you. 

They always stripped you of everything, and then put you in the most uncomfortable open paper gown. 

Steve hated it more than anything else. Especially when they strapped him down to xray him and scan him, or when they swabbed the back of his throat. 

They said it was to make sure no one was infected from the Upside Down, but if they really had been doing that; wouldn’t they had noticed Will being sick? 

He didn’t trust this process at all, it was all  _ bullshit. _

Especially when they handed off hush money, Steve’s father didn’t know it, but Steve had enough money from the Upside Down to last him for his life...if he lived more casually and didn’t go to college (which honestly there was no way he was going to be able to anyways). 

The rule was that the money was in your name but couldn’t be accessed until you turned eighteen, which meant Steve was suddenly rich. 

What a joke, to have to wait, he had a sinking suspicion the government purposely was letting the Upside Down run rampant just so they didn’t have to fork out that money, it would be something his father would do. 

When he was allowed out, after so many hours (much quicker seeing as he didn’t have to wait for Nancy) he went home with Hopper, and his Beemer was in his driveway waiting for him. 

He opened the packet up and attempted to read but the letters drifted across the page and melted together, Steve gave up after ten minutes. All that really mattered was that sports were out of the question. 

And honestly...Steve didn’t want to play basketball anymore. It was all _ bullshit _ this whole normal life that he had to go back to. 

Tomorrow was monday and Steve could probably skip, but sitting in this house was worse than anything else. His eyes travelled to the glass sliding door looking out at his pool. 

There was a shadow in his pool  _ drowning, screaming for help- _

Yeah Steve was going to school tomorrow. 

Steve closed his eyes and flipped the curtains closed so he didn’t have to look out at the pool, then with steady heavy steps he clambered up to his room. He looked at the two lamps in his room. Right. 

That wasn’t going to be enough anymore. 

It didn’t matter anymore if the light hurt his eyes, and his head hurt, he needed to know if he was safe or not. Which meant lamps. Lots, and lots of lamps. 

It wasn’t like his parents were here to ever see how he had remodeled. It was fine. 

He pulled two lamps from the living room, and then a third from the Den. He then grabbed all five lamps from the master bedroom. His parents’ didn’t need them anyways. 

Altogether he got..he couldn’t count them all but it was enough to bath his room in light. Sure it hurt, but again he couldn’t trust the government saying this was all over, because it was meant to be all over a year ago. 

He couldn’t trust it anymore. 

* * *

  
  
  


That Monday morning had been...awful to say the least, it had started off without a nightmare, which was a plus. But the loud ringing of his alarm was enough to send Steve running for pain meds. 

Which didn’t work out to good seeing as he tripped over a power cord for a standing lamp. 

What an awful time.

Then he forgot he hadn’t bought groceries and all he had to have for breakfast was a stale slice of bread and tap water. 

Not that he could really eat anything. 

He grabbed his keys as he was about to head out and froze. Was...was he allowed to drive? He glanced over at the thick packet on the kitchen table, there was no way he was going to be able to understand that. He rubbed his eyes and winced at touching the black eye. 

Driving wasn’t so bad, he drove slow especially since there was probably black ice on the street, as well as his eyes were having a hard time focusing ahead. 

Steve knew he had parked terribly, but he didn’t really care, and when he walked to his locker he remembered he hadn’t done any of his homework. 

He could hear the whispers and comments around his face, in fact everyone began to stare, it was only a matter of time before Steve was going to be hassled.

_ Speak of the devil.  _

There was Tommy looking absolutely enthralled with his new objective of making Steve’s life miserable. It was sometimes hard to remember they were even friends. 

Steve did not want to deal with him today, not today. 

_ Turn around, god, please. Just turn around, not today, turn around and walk away, Don’t talk to me Tommy, turn around.  _

Steve felt a stab through his brain and he winced, closing his eyes and bringing fingers up to rub at his temple, and then he had a nose bleed. 

He pinched his nose as the blood started to fall down his face. 

He turned his head and  _ huh… _

Maybe Steve did have some luck afterall, Tommy had turned around and was indeed walking down the hall away from Steve. 

He could feel the blood dripping down the back of his throat and he was grateful for the first time in a while. He wiped the blood on the back of his hand and ignored the rest of the looks for most of the day. 

In fact his luck seemed to be holding out when the teachers were even kinder after taking one look at him. Letting him have more time for homework. 

Not that Steve was going to do it. 

When it came time for basketball practice Steve pulled out the note the hospital had written up for him, handed it over, and promptly quit the team. 

  
  


“A-are you sure Harrington?” Coach asked and Steve nodded in reply. 

“I, okay, I can’t stop you, but I’d like you to think about it okay.” Steve glanced up and for the first time ever his Coach actually looked concerned. 

Steve couldn’t help but wonder what it was lately that was making Coach and the Chief get those looks on their faces. 

“I’ll think about it, but I’m going to…” Steve drifted off as he saw the other players coming out of the lockers, his eyes landed on Hargrove. 

Hargrove did not look worse than him but he was definitely beat up. Steve’s thought caught in his throat as he eyeballed the black eye and rough split lip on Hargrove’s skin. 

Steve knew he hadn’t done that. The split lip maybe, but the eye...no way! Steve’s eyebrows furrowed bringing a twinge of pain, and he couldn’t help but trying to think back. 

When Hargrove’s sky blue eyes met his own he turned away quickly, leaving the whole court behind him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think! 
> 
> Thank you again to everyone who read and commented, you're the reason this story is getting an update. I'm sorry for spelling errors, I've been writing this on my phone lately. 
> 
> But again thanks for reading, and let me know what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

Surprisingly, the week after was pretty dull. 

Steve spent his days doing nothing, wasting away in class, and zoning out at home. His head hurt, and his nightmares increased but Steve was surviving. 

Just surviving. 

By some miracle Steve hadn’t been accosted by Tommy or Carol. Hell, even Hargrove kept his distance. It was around then when Steve realized his brain might not ever get better. His face was healing...decently. The bruises had gotten yellow and sickly looking. But despite all the...minimal progress, Steve was not actively getting better in the brain department. 

Steve had always been dumb, that was never a question (he somewhat hoped this brain injury would smack some smarts back into him). But lately it was worse, it was like trying to follow another language with cotton in your ears. He could barely comprehend half the time what was happening. And even then, any real attempt at thought really cracked his head open. 

The nosebleeds seemed to be fairly common now, and the light was even worse. His eyesight also seemed to be permanently affected by the concussion, always catching a distant glow of red in the corner of his eyes. It was maddening, but it seemed to be just his life now. 

There was a loud knock on Steve’s door that Friday night, which was odd seeing as this last week had been basically dead in the friends department. He hadn’t even seen Nancy yet, that spot felt a little too sore to attempt to converse to. 

It was best to leave that part alone for a while.

“Steve!” 

Even Chief Hopper had kept his distance, and rightfully so, why would he want to hang around here?

“STEEVEE!” 

Steve looked over to his front door that was pounding. He recognized that voice…

  
  


When Steve swung the door open he wasn’t surprised to see Dustin with his hand poised to start banging the door again.

“Dustin?” Steve looked around, Dustin’s bike was thrown hazardously on Steve’s front lawn. “What are you doing here?”

“What? I need a reason to see a party member?” Dustin scowled up at Steve and gosh what?   
  


“Since when have I been a party member?” 

“Since you got badass with the bat, even if you did get your ass kicked.”  _ Ouch...okay. _ “Are you going to let me in or not?” Dustin crossed his arms and tapped his foot. Steve did a double take at that. 

Steve didn’t even get to answer as Dustin shoved himself through. 

“Wait...What?” 

“I came to check on you, make sure you were still alive, you know, after you uhh, broke your brain open.” Steve blinked rapidly at that. He hadn’t broken his brain open! He just got a bad concussion.  _ Sheesh.  _

"How did you even know where I live?" Steve turned around as Dustin looked around the house. Eyeing that ugly vase in the entranceway. 

"I'm pretty sure everyone in Hawkins knows where you live Steve." 

"What?" Dustin raised an eyebrow and  _ right _ ...Steve had thrown some wild parties back in the day. 

Steve watched as Dustin started to ramble. 

"And I mean Lucas got all of Max's attention! And I guess I don't really mind!" 

_ Oh so that was the Hargrove girl's name.  _

"Dustin, Dustin! Let's, look, my head kinda" he waved his hand to try and explain how he was having a hard time following. 

"Right! I came to check on you! How are you?" Dustin flopped his bag on the floor and started pulling out hard bounded textbooks and  _ uughhhhh… _

"I did so  _ much _ research on concussions and possible side effects, like how you're probably gonna have a hard time with bright lights, or like how youre probably gonna be like confused easily or like in a fo-" 

"Dustin!" Steve's head started to hurt behind his eyes as he was trying to figure out what was even being said. 

"Right! Sorry...you've been…" Dustin replicated Steve's early hand wave. 

"Yeah." 

"Okay! Well I've read up on some weird things to help!" He pulled out some more books. Steve wanted to climb back up his stairs to sleep. 

"So I read that to help with remembering things we write everything down!" Dustin cheered. There was a law notepad in his hands as he uncapped a pen with some kind of character on it. 

"I'm not forgetting things." Steve defended, and he  _ wasn't! _ Except maybe homework but in all honesty he'd been failing classes since he never mastered the art of making letters not move on pages. (He never did understand how others could just read with all that movement).

Dustin furrowed his eyebrows and sighed, flinging himself on a couch messing up the blankets and pillows, steve was frankly surprised a cloud of dust didn't appear...no one had sit on that couch since…

His eyes travelled to the closed curtains leading to that pool. 

"Steve...do you remember what we talked about on Tuesday? After school?" Steve tried to think back...had...what even happened on Tuesday?

He closed his eyes trying to recall. 

"Uhh...sorry you know I never pay attention, you know me!" Steve tried to laugh off, "I'll think about getting a radio." Hadn't that been what Dustin was talking about? When...when was that again? Was that Tuesday?

Dustin looked concerned.

"Steve...we didn't talk about the radio Tuesday…"  _ shit _ .

"We promised to meet up today...you were going to drive me to the Byers? To check on Will?" Dustin prompted. 

Steve felt his stomach drop. 

They...they hadn't talked about that... _ right? _ Steve would have remembered if they talked about something so important. 

"So I came over to check on you!" Dustin went back to his usual smile, and Steve felt sick... _ shit _ ...had he really just stood up a kid...how shitty of a person was he?

"Ah...Dustin I'm so sorry man, I-" 

"Forgot. I know, hence why I'm here! To write things down, and then we," he pointed between himself and Steve, "are going to see Will, late or not." Dustin smiled and then poised to write. 

"So! What do you need to do!" Shit was Dustin such a nice kid. Steve hated how he had been dragged into this whole mess...he didn't deserve it. 

"Uhh...nothing really, I don't think…" Steve scratched the back of his head. Dustin raised an eyebrow.

"Well, when are you getting your stitches out?" Steve blanked...was there ever supposed to be a follow up appointment? 

"Uhhh…" he turned to look at the monstrous packet sitting precariously on his kitchen table. 

Dustin must've caught on because before Steve could speak, he was already moving, scooping up the pages easily. 

Steve watched him flipping through the pages, watched as his eyes easily glided over the pages, (how did he do that so easily?) 

"You're meant to go back next Wednesday!" He declared. Steve winced at the volume. 

"Have you even read this Steve? There's a lot of info here!" Dustin smiled up at Steve and Steve shrugged in reply,  _ not like he could answer, sorry no, I didn't cuz I'm too stupid to be able to read.  _

Dustin flipped through pages with a hum, "Have you been taking your medicine? It says you have medicine!" 

_ He had medicine?  _

Steve nodded. Dustin looked unconvinced but he moved on from it. Closing the packet back up and silence descended on them pretty awkwardly. 

Dustin was wringing his fingers together, he wanted to say something. 

"Hey man...you good?" Steve prompted. 

"Yeah..yeah, just…" he sighed dramatically and leaned back in his seat. 

"There's the snowball dance coming up." He stated not raising his head. 

"Ooookay." 

"Well you see, mom is working then and...you told me about the hair-" 

"That was in conpendence." 

"Conpendence?" Dustin looked confused. Steve couldn't help the blush rising from embarrassment, why'd he have to try and say something. 

"You know, in secret." Dustin's face blinked into surprise. 

"Oh! You mean confidence."  _ That didn't sound right. _

"Right, that's what I said." Steve waved off. 

He slowly walked closer and sat down as Dustin looked worried again. 

"Well yeah, umm I was thinking you'd help me get ready and take me to the dance?" Dustin blurted out. Steve blinked for a moment, just trying to comprehend what was just thrown at him. 

"Oh! Dude! Yeah! Of course!" Steve breathed easily, "of course I'd take you to the dance man." Steve nodded already planning it out. His own time at the snowball dance had been...something.

Him and Tommy had purposely sabotaged the whole party and set off the sprinklers, laughing at the kids running out screaming. It had been funny then but now all Steve wanted to do was yell at his younger self. 

"Yeah, I'll pick you up and we'll get you ready and I'll drop you off!" Steve declared, and good this...steve needed this, he needed a purpose again, it had been a while, and with his brain being so crowded and the fear at every little flickering light. 

He needed something to throw himself into now. 

Dustin was already writing it all down, the date and time and throwing it on Steve's fridge-  _ where had Dustin even gotten the magnet, Steve didn't own any. _

"Okay good! That's set." He nodded to himself hands on his hips and Steve couldn't help but smile, man he loved this kid. 

"So Byers' time?" Steve asked, Dustin beamed. 

"Yeah!" 

* * *

The thing about heading to the Byers was it was on the opposite side of town from the Harrington household. 

Which meant that Dustin got to put his feet on Steve's dashboard- no amount of complaining got him to move- and everyone would probably know about it. 

Hawkins was tragically small. 

But this also meant that Steve got to see the normal xalives of the residents, which he'd never admit- but he did enjoy doing. 

They slowed at a stop right and Steve watched Nancy's mom pull up to the grocery store. He closed his eyes and looked back towards the road. 

"Are you even allowed to drive? The packet didn't say." Dustin asked. 

"Maybe you should have asked before we started driving." Steve blanched. He heard Dustin mumble an affirmative before fiddling with his notepad again. 

"So I'm excited to see Will, but he's been so...well you know," Dustin looked down, "I'm worried about him." 

Steve watched as Dustin huffed and in worry and understood. 

Will clearly got the worst of the Upside Down each time, as if something had latched onto him and he couldn't escape from it, like a leech. 

Steve couldn't help but recall a glowing red web. 

"Yeah buddy, I get it...but Will is strong, we'll look out for him!" Dustin smiled at that response. 

"You're right Steve, the party will always find a way!" Dustin beamed. Steve smiled back and let his eyes drift over the road. They pulled to another red light and Dustin started to ramble again. 

Steve looked over, letting his eyes drift over the shops, spotting Hargrove smoking by his blue Camaro. His face was even more molted than before; completely bashed. His left eye swollen shut, and his cheekbone had a huge cut on it. 

Steve stared...his last bruising had just healed…

Did Hargrove always look beat up? 

Had Steve just never noticed? How often did Hargrove get into fights? 

"Steve?" Steve turned towards Dustin.

"Green light." Dustin pointed out. Steve heard a honk behind him and he turned away still thinking about Hargrove and his beaten face without bruised knuckles. 

* * *

As much as he would like to believe, Steve wasn't brave. Maybe stupid...but not brave. 

So seeing the Byers house (despite it being in broad daylight) still cause a cold shiver to run up his spine. 

This was the place where the upside down made contact with Steve. It was the place where his life flipped on him and honestly...it was a daunting house, especially with the woods so close by.

Steve stepped out of the car as Dustin happily bounded up the steps, he felt way too exposed, and shivered; not due to the cold. 

Joyce greeted them happily at the door, although they did get a stink eye for storing a Demodog in the freezer. Steve realized he was going to buy the Byers a new fridge for their trouble. 

Jonathan was out of the house...probably with Nancy. Will still was in bed, he was still recovering from the heat stroke they had to trigger in him. 

Will, himself was a sight for sore eyes, Steve was surprised by that. 

Steve had always seen Will clinging to Mike, and when he had been dating Nancy he had gotten used to the other boy's presence. 

The thing was Steve did NOT get along with Mike, he was the stereotypical annoying little brother, constantly sassing and berating Steve as well as Nancy. But Will, he had been the calming presence everytime. When Mike shouted Will calmed him down, and when Mike insulted, Will complimented. 

Will had been so kind in the end, and Steve had saw him as another little brother to Nancy, but one that Steve actually liked. 

The Wheelers were oddly...unobtrusive when it came to others lives, except for maybe Karen, but Will had always been interested. 

Softly asking what kind of music did Steve like? Or how he'd seen Steve play baseball and thought he was very good. 

Steve had appreciated Will a lot, and when he had vanished Steve had felt somewhat uncomfortable, like how you see a house with a tree everyday and suddenly the tree was gone one day. It didn't affect his daily life or anything, but it was disconcerting, what had happened? Was he okay? 

Well right now he didn't look too okay. His eyes were ringed with red and sunken, and his eyelids were heavy on him. His hair was damp and he had a small sheen of someone finally recovering from a rough fever. 

There was a rough bruise on his inner elbow, but despite it all he still smiled. 

His smile was brittle and tired, and it was clear he had been sleeping not that long ago. 

"I didn't think you were coming." He whispered to them. 

Dustin looked horrified, opening his mouth to reply. 

"No! It was my fault Will, I forgot the time since I broke my brain." Steve laughed off before Dustin could speak. 

Will turned his eyes towards Steve and goodness he was flushed. 

"I.." he coughed,"I heard you all went into the tunnels for me." He shyly twisted his sheets between his fingers. 

"Well yeah! We had to help out our Paladin!" Dustin beamed and the way he leaned into Will's space was...well it was clear they cared for each other very much. When was the last time Steve had, had such a good friend? 

Steve smiled at Will as he bashfully thanked Dustin, he was such a sweet kid.

"It's good to see you getting better Will." Steve offered. 

Will nodded without looking and smiled. 

"Thank you for coming, it really means a lot…" he paused as if he wanted to say something else. 

"Mike visited yesterday, but he's been busy." He finished. Steve watched as Will became downtrodden. 

"Well you just need to call me okay, and I'll make sure me and Dustin are here for you." He heard Dustin mumble a small, Dustin _ and I _ , but he nodded.

Will looked up a little, not looking convinced. 

"And I'll make sure to write it all down so we're never late again!" Dustin spouted out. Steve nodded along to reassure the other boy. 

Things were going well, Steve was working so hard to make sure that Will was cheered up. It was going well but then of course Will had to start tearing up, clearly it wasn't going as well as they thought. Will's tears were silent and fat rolling down his cheeks and the way he scrunched up; it was clear Will was used to crying in secret. 

Steve hated it. He could recall every time he had pulled into himself to sob, how many times his father had slammed his door and shouted for him to shut up. 

He would remember his mother rolling her eyes and locked him up in his room to be quiet. 

_ 'Would you be quiet! You pathetic lit-' _

"Hey, hey, hey! What's wrong buddy?" Steve reached forward, a hand landing on his shoulder. 

"Th-" Will sucked in a breath, "thank you for coming, it really means a lot." He sniffled, scrubbing his face and Steve could feel Dustin's concerned eyes on him. 

"Hey man, anytime for our," Steve glanced at Dustin, "Paladin?" Dustin nodded. 

"Right! Our Paladin!" 

Will smiled up and rubbed his eyes and Steve wanted to wince just from seeing how forceful he was being with his eyes. 

"We're here for you Will, we're your best friends!" Dustin jumped up from his seat and Will was finally looking up. 

Steve looked over at Dustin's notepad and scribbled down his own number, ripping it out and handing it over. He met Will's eyes and smiled. 

"You call me Will, call me when you're scared or if something happens, I'll be there." Steve promised, "I have my bat on me at all times." 

Dustin nodded easily, and when Will finally started to drift off they were quick to let him rest.

Joyce saw them off with a smile and a thanks, and some homemade cookies and Steve took one last glance around. The paper tunnels were gone and there was a new phone on the wall. 

Steve shivered and zipped up his jacket, stepping out of the house. Dustin looked down at the frozen ground below them.

"Steve...you're much nicer than I thought you were." 

"Oh...uh...thanks?" 

"I'm glad it was you I found at the Wheeler's house." Dustin didn't wait for a reply, just coimbing into the car. Steve sucked in a breath and had to take a moment. He glanced into the woods. 

The upside down...the Byers…

He remembered the red web dancing behind his eyelids and felt his stomach sink even further. He closed his eyes and he felt a tingle in the back of his neck, his hair standing up as if someone was watching him from afar. 

Steve opened his eyes and turned towards the Byers house. 

He had a distinct feeling the upside down wasn't over yet. 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! New chapter! 
> 
> I know this one is a little boring but no worries next chapter will finally have more billy! 
> 
> Thank you everyone who commented! You all really made my day!  
And let me know what you think!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I promised Billy, so heres Billy!! 
> 
> Honestly this was much harder to write seeing as I had so much to do but couldnt bother to bring myself to do it. 
> 
> And thank you again to everyone who commented you really made this update come so much sooner!

It took a couple days of observation before Steve was certain something was going on at Hargrove's life. 

Hargrove's face was periodically destroyed throughout the week. And the most damning of all was that Hargrove's knuckles were free of all bruising, if he was fighting...he wasn't getting any punches in.

That didn't sound like Hargrove at all, Steve had stitches to prove it, possibly even a permanent scar. 

Steve hadn't even heard of a fight…

Either way, Steve was pretty certain that something wasn't right there...and honestly Steve was convinced it was his home life. 

He could recall Max's face of terror. 

Steve had recognized that face...yeah it had to be a home life, probably the dad. 

Steve knew from experience his own father was usually way more scarier than his mother. 

Either way...Steve was certain on this. Sure he had gotten strange looks for kind of following the other boy around but Steve didn't mind (he kind of minded).

Steve had noticed that Hargrove did not like it when others approached him from behind, especially Tommy who usually went for scaring someone by smacking them on the shoulder or back. 

Yeah...Steve was convinced. 

The thing was...what was Steve meant to do with this knowledge? It wasn't like he wanted to reach out to him, Steve was still somewhat scared of getting pummelled by him. 

On one hand it sort of made Steve want to forgive him, Steve could understand a rage like that. 

_ Steve let the camera fall and he saw Jonathan's eyes widen up with tears and anger. _

Yeah...Steve understood the want to destroy. 

The problem was, even if Steve reached out (which was the dumbest idea yet! And Steve was a moron on most occasions) there wasn't a guarantee that Hargrove would appreciate it. Especially if it was coming from '_ King Steve' _ over here. 

Lord knows Steve didn't want anyone knowing about his own family life, the fact Tommy had that in his arsenal was absolutely terrifying. 

Yeah Hargrove was gonna kill Steve. 

They (Tommy, Carol, and Billy) had been relatively silent in the weeks since _ that night. _But that didn't mean it would last if Steve brought something up he shouldn't have. 

Smart thing was to leave it alone. 

Steve was heading to the doctors tomorrow to finally get his stitches removed and Steve didn't want to show up with even worse injuries. 

Besides his stitches had been itching for _ days _ now, and it was starting to drive Steve mad. 

_ 'Don't itch it Steve! You could reopen your wound and your brain will leak out!' _

_ 'I'm pretty sure my brain isn't going to leak out Dustin.' _

Steve was ready for them to be gone. 

Of course, since it was closer to being healed Coach had to reach out again. Steve felt undeserving of his concern, especially since Steve was no longer their star player. Why would Coach want this has been anyways? 

Seemed strange. 

"Come on Steve, I know you like Basketball, there has to be another reason for it." Steve could only sigh. 

"Look...Coach, I told you, my injury won't let me, and I just am not up to it." 

Steve watched as the Coach rubbed at the crease in his forehead. Of course right when Steve was going to leave for the day Coach had to pull him aside. Which meant he had to be present as the other boys, and one very angry Hargrove, were practicing behind him. 

"Harrington...I'm worried, in fact all your teachers are, you've just been drifting by these past few weeks and it's unlike you." He put his hands on his hips and Steve wanted to run. 

"I just want you to tell me what's wrong." Wrong? He wanted to know what was wrong?

_ Steve could still hear the screams, a hand raising above the surface of the water. A monster's face opening up, rows upon rows of teeth. A little boy crying curled up, a red web wrapping around the whole town. Wide eyes and bloody noses, and a small little girl's hand raised up. _

"Nothing Coach, it's just my injury...it's just made it difficult for me." Steve whispered, ducking his head. He could hear Coach sigh in front of him. 

Steve flinched when he placed a hand on his shoulder. 

"Look Steve...I'm here for you, don't just give up, come find me when you're ready to talk." Steve nodded and stiffly turned away to out of the stadium and back to his car. 

His hands shook when he pulled out a lighter and lit a cigarette. He didn't remember sitting down on the asphalt but he rested his head on his car and closed his eyes. 

Steve brought the cigarette back to his lips and sucked in. His head hurt, and he wasn't cut out for this anymore. 

Just a couple more weeks and he would be graduated from highschool...a failure…

Steve raised a hand to rub around his stitches that itched so badly. He breathed in the frigid air and sucked in more smoke. 

"Hey Harrington!" 

_ Oh my God. _

Steve opened his eyes and looked over to see Hargrove walking over with the biggest smirk ever. Had he really been sitting here for that long? 

Steve was too tired to deal with this. 

"I heard you quit basketball," he licked his lips and the way he was dressed without a warm jacket was obscene. "What couldn't handle not being top dog?" 

Steve sighed and didn't bother standing up, there was a chance Hargrove would deck him. 

"What a pussy, giving up the minute someone challenges you? No wonder some freak got your girl!" He laughed and Steve felt his anger rise. 

"Shut up Hargrove." 

"Oh! He finally speaks! Where've you been _ Princess?" _

Steve scowled at the nick name, he blew out more smoke towards Hargrove who was now slowly approaching him. 

"Just move on Hargrove." 

"Oh! Trying to act like the tough guy huh? We both know you're fucking weak Harrington" be clicked his tongue at Steve and eyed him in a way that made Steve want to cover up. As if Hargrove was able to see every little thing in Steve. 

"Look Harrington, we all know you lost, but I thought you'd put up a bit more of a fight huh? Where's that fight from that night? You too scared of me?" 

_ God...wouldn't Hargrove just shut up. It was becoming too much for Steve to follow along. His head hurt so much. _

"Your dad hits you doesn't he?" Steve felt his stomach fall, _ oh god! Why did he blurt that out!? _

Suddenly Steve was standing and being slammed into his car behind him, his cigarette falling onto the floor and all he could see was Hargrove's blue eyes. Steve almost waited for the slam of something shattering on his head and the cold darkness that would greet him. 

"What the fuck did you just say Harrington?" Hargrove growled. 

Steve sucked into a breathe, he needed to shut up, he was going to die. 

"Nothing." He breathed out. 

"Nothing? Are you sure about that? Cuz it sure sounded like you said something amigo." Hargrove tilted his head. 

Steve shook his head and Hargroves fist tightened and he reslammed Steve into the car, the jostle made Steve's brain feel like it was being swished around in a jar of water. 

"You got something to say?" He whispered menacingly and Steve's vision was swimming. 

"I said! You got something to say Harrington!" Another slam. Steve felt something leak down his nose and hit his lips. Blood. 

It was too much, too much, Steve's vision was being painted in red, where was his bat? _ Bullshit. _

_ BULLSHIT _

For the first time ever Steve said the four words he had never told anyone before. 

"I'm not a Harrington!" Steve shouted, shoving Billy off him. He whipped the blood off his face and yet it didn't stop, still running down his lips. 

He turned around and started to pull out his keys. He was going home. 

"What!?" 

He could hear Hargrove getting closer. 

"What's that suppossed to mean? Huh?" 

Why couldn't he get his keys in? 

"Just shut up Hargrove." He seethed

"What is it Harrington?!" Hargrove shouted in Steve's ear making him wince. 

Steve whipped around 

"I'm adopted!" Steve's heart was pounding and he could see Billy's wide eyes. His own hands were curled into fists by his side and Steve wasn't a hundred percent certain this wasn't going to stumble into a full out fist fight. 

More blood was falling from his nose and he looked down at the floor to watch the blood drip down from his chin. 

"Okay...so don't call me Harrington." He whispered, turning back around to the car, finally getting the keys in and unlocking his car. 

"Are you kidding me?" Hargrove grabbed his shoulder and whipped him back around. His breath was stark white in the cold air, as if there was a fire in his lungs. 

"You trying to share and tell after digging your nose in other people's business?!" Hargrove shouted, a hand raised ready to hit something and Steve threw his hand off him. He whipped the blood off his face again and looked Hargrove down. Feeling more confident than he had earlier. 

"All I'm saying is maybe you're not the only one with a shit father Hargrove." Steve growled out. 

Steve climbed into his car slammed the door shut and drove away without a glance back. 

_ Fuck Billy Hargrove. _

* * *

Coming home had been boring as always, the house was dusty and empty and Steve threw his keys by the ugly vase that always greeted him in the entranceway. 

Steve was exhausted and the crusted blood on his face itched. So Steve scrubbed himself down, who cared if he accidentally pulled on his stitches, they were being removed tomorrow anyways. 

Steve then climbed himself into bed with only sweat pants, wet hair, and every light on in his house. 

Steve's bat was propped on the left side of his bed just in case. 

He didn't even bother to make sure his hair would look nice, rather more tempted by the idea of sleep with his head thumping loudly like a second heartbeat. 

That night he was greeted by the cold dark place again, and it was like being welcomed back into familiar arms. 

Steve looked down at himself and he seemed to be the only illuminated thing in this world. He closed his eyes and breathed slowly. 

His head was still thumping open and Steve reopened his eyes and looked down at the black water like floor. 

Steve ran his finger in the water and watched as a string unraveled from his finger. Steve pulled his finger away from the water and stared at it. 

There was a small white string wrapped around his finger…

Steve pulled it off and it unraveled away easily, laying limply in the air. Steve pulled it away from his arm and tugged, it was _ huge _! It kept going and going. 

Steve kept pulling on the string to unravel it away from his shoulder and finally it fell away leaving it's only attachment his chest. 

Steve pulled on it and felt a tug on himself. It...it wasn't a sting was it? 

Steve lifted it up and plucked at it and it vibrated like a spider web, small but surprisingly strong. Steve watched as it got shorter before his eyes, shrinking back and disappearing into his chest. 

Steve closed his eyes and thought hard, this was a dream, and therefore if he wanted the string back it would be back. 

When Steve opened his eyes there was indeed a white string in his hands, thicker than the one previously. Steve pulled on it, it was much stronger, feeling more like twine than anything else. 

Steve wrapped it around his fingers- 

  
  


Steve's eyes cracked open to see his window left open and an annoying bird singing into the air. It was winter, didn't birds leave during then? He could taste blood in the back of his throat and when he sat up blood fell from his nose. 

Steve whipped it away as his head thumped again and again, honestly wasn't sleep meant to help??

There was that annoyingly loud bird again. 

Steve turned towards the window and got up, he looked through the tree by his window and scowled finally spotting the little brown bird. His head was killing him and blood pooled out of his nose. 

"Shut up!" He shouted out at the bird and slammed the window shut. 

His wiped his bloody nose again and pinched the bridge, so he could stuff toilet paper up. 

What a great start to a great day. 

Today was the day Steve was finally going to get his stitches removed. Which meant no school, thankfully, and it meant lazy morning. 

Or it did if he hadn't had his window open. 

Steve started brewing coffee and sat at his table with a sigh. 

He dreaded going back to school. Tomorrow was going to be the start of the Christmas break and Steve just _ knew _ that he was going to get pummeled into the ground by Hargrove. 

It was inevitable after how they ended it yesterday. 

Steve never claimed to be smart, but that was by _ far _ the dumbest shit he'd done, hands down. 

The coffee maker beeped, marking it's finished. Steve let his eyes drift over to the pot of coffee. 

He then slowly let his eyes glance over to his jacket where he kept his lighter and cigarettes...it was a bad idea. Especially since he would have to go outside to smoke, but...he needed to just think for a bit. 

He found himself smoking on one of his lawn chairs outside. The pool was still heated, steam rising up into the cool air. 

Steve sucked in another gasp of smoke and glared at the offending sight. 

He shouldn't have said anything to Hargrove. It was dumb, really dumb. Steve was going to blame the concussion. 

He sighed loudly and twitched when he heard a resounding chirp in reply. 

Steve looked over to his side at the other lawn chair seeing the small brown bird staring at him. 

_ What the hell? _

Steve couldn't help looking around him to see if this was real. Were hallucinations part of a late concussion? 

Steve made eye contact back with the bird in confusion. 

"Uhh...what?" _ Chirp! _

Steve's eyebrows shot up. Steve blinked rapidly, letting his hand slowly drift down from his mouth. 

He winced as a pang ran through his head and Steve brought a finger up to rub against his temple. He could taste the familiar iron tang in the back of his throat. 

He remade eye contact and the bird was closer now. He didn't even know what it was, he didn't know anything about birds but he was pretty sure they did not usually get this close to people. 

He didn't know why he did it, but when he stared down this small creature all he could think to do was whistle.

When he stopped the bird repeated the whistle back. 

_ Whoa… _

Steve watched as the bird was oddly still, almost frozen in place and blood started to drop down his nose. This had to be a hallucination. Steve shook his head and let his cigarette fall into the damned pool. 

When he reached the glass door he turned back around to see the small bird watching him. 

Steve rubbed the blood on his hand and well _ where was the harm? _

Steve whistled an ascending four notes. 

The bird mimicked the song easily, not even waiting for Steve to be finished to do so. 

Steve tilted his head to the right and the bird replicated it. Almost like a mirror. 

Steve was going crazy!

Steve turned his head to look at the lights in his living room, no flickering. 

Steve turned back to the new mystery. 

He whistled those four notes descending this time, and the bird repeated it back in just the same manner. 

_ Yup...that was enough weirdness for him. _

Steve turned back around and slammed himself back into his house. He did not need anymore reasons to thing his brain was broken. 

Now he was hallucinating, _ just great! _

Steve shook his head rapidly to try and shake in some reason into himself. Even if it did make him dizzy and stumble for a bit. 

Steve grabbed the rest of the coffee, which was now cold and gulped it down. He wasn't hungry and honestly the coffee felt like lead in his stomach. He now had crusted blood on his hand and above his lip but he couldn't bother to clean it up. 

It was too much effort right now and honestly Steve didn't have it in him to do anything other than sit at his kitchen table. 

_ Ugh _he was going to have to get ready soon for his hospital visit. He still was only in his sweatpants, plus it was cold out...winter and all, meant it was probably going to start snowing later. 

Steve groaned as he sat up and trudged up the steps to his room. He stopped by the thermostat and was surprised by how cold it was in his house. 

It was surprising how little Steve could feel the cold right now, like his blood was boiling inside him. 

Steve was quick to pull on a sweater and get into jeans instead. 

He looked out his window to see small bead like eyes meeting his own. That same small bird was staring straight at him and Steve didn't feel well anymore. 

It was almost instant, the cold coffee burning back up into his throat and Steve rushed to the bathroom. 

  
  


Steve puked up what little of everything he consumed back up and let his head rest against the toilet seat. It was ice cold against his overheated head and Steve couldn't help but close his eyes. 

He just wanted to sleep for a bit longer. 

  
  


"STEEVVEEE!!" 

Steve snapped up with his heart thumping loudly in his ears. _ What!? Whe-where was his bat!? _

Steve stumbled to his feet and fumbled out of the bathroom. The world tilting on him. 

"Stteeeevvvee where are youu!!??" That was Dustin? Why was Dustin here? It was a school day. 

Steve scrambled onto the stairs, slipping as he accidentally missed a step. 

"Dustin!?" Steve called and sure enough there was Dustin in his living room with a wide toothless grin. 

"Steve! You ready to go!?" Dustin beamed.

"Go? What?" 

"To your appointment! It's today!" 

"Yeah...but it's...school- shouldn't you be in class?" Steve's head hurt from the rush a moment ago. 

"Yeah I skipped! I can't let a party member go by himself!" 

"Dude...you can't do that, your mom will think I'm a bad influence." Dustin scoffed, and then really looked at Steve. 

"Are you okay Steve? You've got-" he pointed at Steve and then at his own nose, "blood…" 

Steve sighed and scratched away at the crusted blood, and thought back at the bird that had stared him down. 

_ Yeah probably not best to tell someone you were losing your mind. _

Steve nodded, "yeah just been getting nose bleeds cuz of the dry weather and the concussion, you know" he shrugged it off and Dustin nodded looking solemn. 

Steve looked at the large grandfather clark in the hallway, he had an hour left before his appointment. Probably best to get going. 

Steve grabbed his vest and jacket and bundled back up and then crouched down to get his shoes on. 

"You sure it's just the weather?"

"Yeah definitely, it happens." Steve lied. "Hey, how did you even get here?" 

"Bike?" Dustin's voice lilted up as if in a question. Steve raised an eyebrow as he finished tying his shoes. 

"Dude. It's like snowing hardcore out there." Which Steve didn't know but with the way the white ice was laying on Dustin's shoulders it really seemed like it was. 

"Ehh, it's not so bad! Besides, I want to go to the hospital with you!" Steve sighed at that response, standing up and grabbing the keys by the ugly vase. 

"Well then, fine, come on, let's get going, someone's gonna have to get you home." Steve sighed and heading towards the front door, opening up and sure enough there was Dustin's bike tossed in the yard hazardously. 

Steve shook his head and started heading to his car, 

"Come on, go put your bike in the trunk." Steve sighed and opened his car, turning the defrost on and making sure it was warm enough in the car. 

Steve went to sit down and froze when he saw that same brown bird land on the hood of his car. He could hear Dustin struggling to get his bike piled in and Steve couldn't bother to look back, still frozen in place in a stare down with a small bird he probably hallucinated... 

_ Go away, go away. Oh my gods please, just go away, it's just a hallucination, just a hallucination _. 

Steve squeezed his eyes shut and could feel another nosebleed coming along. 

"Steve?" 

The bird was gone. 

Steve turned towards Dustin who was now by his side, the snow lightly drifting down to land in his wild hair. 

"You okay? Your nose is bleeding." 

Steve brought his fingers up and wiped the blood away. He then turned back to the hood of his car. So he was hallucinating. 

"Yeah I'm fine." Steve whispered getting into the driver's seat. 

He heard as Dustin clambered in next to him. He shook his head and focused on the road ahead. 

* * *

Getting the stitches removed were somehow worse than when he first got them in, and wasn't that just odd. 

The doctor was an elderly man that Steve was quite certain he'd seen walking to church more than once but wasn't terribly certain of his identity. He had not been gentle when he snipped the stitches and tugged them out. 

Steve had flinched back and clutched at his jeans with enough force to stretch them out. Dustin had sat by his side the whole time demanding what the doctor was doing.

_ 'So this isn't going to leave a permanent mark is it?' _

_ 'No it won't.' _

_ 'And can't you be a but more gentle!' _

_ 'Young man if you don't quiet down I'll have you removed from this room!' _

Steve hadn't liked how the doctor talked to Dustin but he had to agree, he needed Dustin to stop talking so much. 

Steve did _ not _ want to know about every little thing happening. 

Overall the actual removal was quick despite painful. And the drive back to the Henderson's house was weirdly quiet, Dustin ranted for a bit but did come to a stop as they reached halfway to his house. 

Steve didn't mind the silence, usually he did, but this was comfortable, Steve was too tired to handle the rest of thought.

His forehead was sore and when he dropped of Dustin he ignored the tears prickling at his eyes when his mother came up and bundled him up with tears of worry. 

No one had ever cried out in worry for Steve, not like a mother. 

Steve had decided to drive around to clear himself of everything he felt building up inside him. It was too much and sometimes Steve wanted to just press pause in life. 

By the time he had pulled up back to his dark house it was well past eleven. 

Steve looked at the dark two story house before him and felt dread sink back into his bones. He let his eyes drift down at the front porch and saw a dark figure hunched over.

Steve felt his stomach plummet. Where was his bat?! _ Shit _ he hadn't brought it with him today, his head had been too foggy. 

_ SHIT! Steve was completely defenseless! _

Steve whipped around to see if he had anything in his car to use as a possible weapon. Just a jack in case he had to change his tires. He grabbed it and slowly got out of the car, jack in hand ready for a fight as he got closer to the house. 

His heart was thumping a mile a minute and he felt like he couldn't breathe. 

_ Oh god, it was a demogorgon wasn't it? _

Steve raised his jack up and stared at the hunched figure and watched as it raised its head, ready to split open and _ kill them all. _

It was Hargrove. 

Steve froze on the spot and stared at the beaten boy in front of him. 

"Hargrove?" Steve whispered. Hargrove's face was demolished, and he was only in a wife beater and jeans, his shirt was torn and his chest was utterly destroyed in bruising. 

His left eye was completely swollen shut and his other eye was glazed over as he stared up at Steve. 

"Hey Steve." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there it is! 
> 
> Finally got the Billy and Steve interaction! Also I apologize for spelling errors, I've been writing this on my phone and it's been causing some issues 
> 
> Also let me know what you think! I write fast rhe more comments there are, they really make me want to continue the story! 
> 
> Thanks again for reading!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Sorry for how long this took me to get out, I had a small injury and such a busy schedule between work and school, it's been a lot. 
> 
> But thank you all so much for the comments, you're the reason why these chapters come out so quick, every comment makes my day and pushes me to write more even when I'm feeling down on my writing.
> 
> Thank you again!

Steve stared at Hargrove's broken body and noticed how cold Hargrove had to be. 

There was still snow drifting down and coating the ground around them and Hargrove's fingers were shaking, bright red and swollen in the cold. 

His lips were painted blue in the dim lighting and it was clear he was freezing up before them.

Steve quickly shucked off his jacket and laid it on Hargrove's shoulders. Then heading to the door to open it up, letting it slam open as he turned back to Hargrove behind him. 

He was stumbling upward and as he passed Steve, Steve got a whiff of the stench of alcohol. 

_ No wonder he didn't shiver.  _

Steve watched as he didn't speak another word and fell face forward on the nearest couch. Steve shut the door behind him and locked it up tight, letting the jack fall on the ground, toeing his own shoes off. 

Hargrove was out, just like that, Steve could hear the soft snoring of someone in deep sleep. 

Steve shook his head and started to trudge up the steps, he was sure this would be okay,  _ definitely fiiiine. _

Nothing odd with having your possible killer staying in your house, not at all. 

Steve pulled off his sweater and jeans and stopped when he passed the mirror. His hair was wild, and much more curlier then he was used to, seeing as he hadn't sprayed his hair down with Farrah Fawcett's spray. 

He ran his fingers through his hair self consciously and tugged on the strands uselessly. 

Steve couldn't believe he had allowed himself out like that. He shook his head and went to his room, there was his bat. 

Steve shook his head, and here he was supposed to be keeping that on his person all the time. Steve reached into his drawers to pull on some warmer pajamas and stared out the window. It was so dark out but the snow was white blurs across his vision. He walked a bit closer looking out to see if he could spot that bird. 

There was nothing there, just the dead branches he was used to seeing. Steve shivered and closed his curtains. He pulled on some warmer socks and stopped for a moment.  _ Shit _ ...it was still cold in the house. 

Steve groaned as he scuffed out of his room. Heading to the thermostat, the house was at fifty six degrees. Steve twisted the knob to heat up the house, Hargrove was from California...that probably meant he should turn it up higher than usual. 

He twisted the dial to a seventy, yeah...that was pretty hot. Steve looked down the stairs and sighed...it was probably best to get the other boy a blanket for the night. 

Steve went over to the guest bedroom and pulled off the blankets, bundling them up and heading down the stairs to see Hargrove still passed out. 

_ Sheesh, those looked painful.  _

That was going to be dreadful in the morning. Steve placed the blanket over the other boy and made sure it wouldn't fall off during the night. He gazed down at the boots Hargrove had on, the ice starting to melt off the soles. 

Steve sighed and pulled those off too. He didn't want to get the couch wet. Steve tossed them by the door where his own shoes laid. Steve stared at Hargrove's face as he sat down on the floor. Already the house felt like it was warming up, and Steve felt like it was getting too hot. 

Hargrove's cheeks were red with the cold and it looked as if he had been crying. There was a new cut on his eyebrow and Steve wondered if it would scar. 

It was a shame, here Steve was terrified of ruining his face (it was his best feature- his looks that is) and here was Hargrove, still looking amazing even with the prospect of a scar. Steve shook his head, he was being unfair. 

Steve stood up away from the blond and found himself reclimbing the steps to his room. Letting himself flop down into his bed and groaning out when the resounding bounce caused his bat to land on top of his shoulder. 

He was too tired to deal with that, rather than move the bat away or turn off all his lamps, Steve closed his eyes and welcomed sleep happily. 

* * *

Steve’s eyes slowly cracked open to hear a bunch of commotion, crashing and banging and for a moment Steve was ready to jump out of his skin. 

Then he remembered he let in Hargrove to his house. 

Steve groaned as he rolled over onto his back hitting his bat as he did so, why didn’t he move that before. 

Surprisingly for the first time ever his head wasn’t pounding with his heartbeat, in fact, he couldn’t even remember sleeping but he felt rested. 

It was a strange feeling, he had gotten so used to feeling unwell that not having a headache seemed odd. 

Steve shook his head, it was probably best to get up in case Hargrove was destroying his house, plus for the first time in forever Steve was  _ starving.  _

_ When was the last time he ate? _

That wasn’t a good question to ask yourself. 

Steve looked back at his ceiling and tried to mentally prepared himself for the probable fight he was going to have to get into. There was another particularly loud crash and Steve flinched at the noise. 

Yeah, it was time to get out. 

Steve climbed out of bed leaving the bat in his wake, and found that the house already felt too hot. Steve wiped at his forehead at the small beads of sweat that had gathered. Steve poked his head out of his room and could hear another bang of a door being slammed. 

Steve slowly walked down the steps and could hear Hargrove stomping around in his parent’s room, but it was too much too early in the morning. Steve turned away from the noise and headed into the kitchen. He got the coffee started and then pulled a bowl out to eat some cereal. 

He purposely ignored another particularly loud band as he pulled out the milk to pour in his cereal. He slowly ate staring down at his cheerios as his coffee brewed.

He heard a small chirp and whipped around to look at two small beady eyes watching him. 

_ Oh my god. _

The bird was back. 

Steve stared and let his spoon fall from his hand clanking in his cereal as he had a stare down with a bird. 

There was the small ding that the coffee was done and Steve turned away. Flipping back to the window Steve blinked when there wasn’t a bird there. Oh...oh he had officially lost it. 

Steve slowly stood up to get his coffee and gulped it down, ignoring the scolding that burned his throat, maybe he was still dreaming.

Steve brought his mug back with him and sat down and when he ate his cereal he found he could no longer taste it with how burnt his tongue was now. Despite that he continued eating his tasteless cereal and finished it up with his hot coffee. Steve sat there for a moment and looked back out the frosted kitchen window. There was no sign of the bird. 

Steve shook his head and then another slam was heard. Steve eyed the hallway which led to his parent’s part of the house. He should probably check in on the other boy. Steve looked over to see there still was a bit of coffee left. That probably would help if Hargrove was spotting a hangover, and would probably be a good peace offering. 

Steve poured another mug and left his dirty dishes in the sink. Walking forward with the mug Steve stalked down the hallway, passing the master bedroom and master bathroom, and two guest bedrooms. Hargrove wasn’t in any of them. Steve stopped at the last door in the hallway and froze at the open door. 

The Study.

Steve wasn’t allowed in The Study. 

Steve peeked inside to see Hargrove opening up the expensive cabinet to pull out a bottle of scotch his father kept there. 

“Hargrove! What are you doing?!” Steve called out frozen in his spot. He watched as the messy blond whipped around, a cigarette caught between his lips. 

“Oh you’re finally awake  _ pretty boy _ !” Steve scowled at the name. Hargrove smirked and he looked even worse in the light. 

Steve raised an eyebrow at the completely swollen eye. 

“I brought you coffee...also we should get those cuts checked out.” Steve offered and Hargrove raised an eyebrow and blew out some smoke into the air.  _ Gooods, why did Steve have to deal with him.  _

Steve rolled his eyes and held out the coffee, making sure to not let his hand cross the threshold. 

They stared each other down, Steve with his coffee and Hargrove with a bottle of scotch. 

Surprisingly Hargrove was the one to give, dropping the bottle back in the cabinet and shouldering past Steve with a grunt. 

Steve watched Hargrove still his way to the kitchen and looking back as if Steve was the one holding him back. 

"Well? Where do I need to go?" He growled out and Steve preferred when he called him pretty boy. 

"Right." Steve nodded to himself, "uhh...just sit in the kitchen I'll...umm..go get the first aid." Steve kept nodding and maybe his head wasn't all fixed just yet.

Hargrove scowled at him as he fell back into one of the kitchen chairs. Steve walked by handing off the coffee, "uhmm, to help, with the...hangover?" Steve let his voice rise up, because honestly...despite what Steve had smelt last night Hargrove wasn't looking utterly smashed from drinking last night. 

Hargrove raised an eyebrow again and snatched the mug away. Steve just nodded...wasn't this awkward. 

It was almost a relief to leave the room to get the first aid kit. 

Steve wasn't made to handle awkward situations. 

He pulled the first aid kit down from the cabinet in the bathroom and opened it...it had been a while since Steve had, had to use it and it showed; dust gathering at the corners of the package. 

  
  


Steve rubbed some of the dust away and looked down at the available bandages, it was was decent...not like a sewing kit or anything, but butterfly bandages that'd help...sorta?

Steve didn't really know what he was doing when it came to patching himself up, and he certainly didn't know what to do with Hargrove. 

Steve sighed and yup...that was probably a headache coming along. Not that surprising considering who he was dealing with. 

Steve closed it back up and when he came back to see Hargrove he was surprised to see the other boy hadn't moved. Although the cigarette had made a mysterious disappearance. 

That seemed out of character. Hargrove and stillness did not go together. 

His eye was glazed over staring at the now empty mug, and he was frozen in place. It was almost like looking at a photograph, he couldn’t even see the way his chest should be rising with his breath.

Steve couldn’t help but stare for a while...it was like witnessing something he shouldn’t ever have been able to see. 

Steve took in a deep breath and finally walked in and wasn’t surprised when Hargrove’s head snapped to him. He didn’t meet his eyesight, rather going to pull a chair up to sit next to the other boy. When Steve did look up he had to wince at the harsh glare he was receiving. 

Hargrove was a mess...under the strong lighting the bruising seemed to darken, as well as the dark crusted blood around his nose, mouth and eyebrow. His hair was matted and stiff as if it had spent too long in hairspray or something...it could do with a shower with how frizzy it was. 

His knuckles weren’t bruised in the slightest but his chest was banged up to hell and his tank top was ripped thoroughly as if someone had grabbed it tight and ripped it open.

Steve turned away and started unclasping the first aid kit to take out some hydrogen peroxide and q-tips, first step was first removing the bloody mess so he can see the real damage. 

Steve purposely kept his eyes down as he dipped the q-tips, and when he started cleaning the dried blood he made sure to not make eye contact. Steve heard somewhere that certain animals took eye contact as a sign of aggression and he was pretty sure Billy Hargrove was associated with that last. 

"So do you take in all the strays? Or did I just pass your fancy?" Hargrove's tongue flicked out and Steve contained the urge to roll his eyes. 

He also didn't grace that question with an answer, it was probably best to avoid saying,  _ well you came to me...soo.. _

No wonder he got beat up so often. 

Steve huffed when he saw the harsh split in Hargrove's eyebrow...it wasn't deep..or well..Steve hoped it wasn't, he didn't know how to sew up injuries. 

He picked up a butterfly bandage when suddenly his wrist was caught. 

"I think that's enough  _ Pretty Boy." _ Hargrove glared at Steve; Steve pulled his hand back to himself. 

"What? Cat got your tongue?" 

"God! Do you ever shut up!?" Steve groaned.  _ This was how Steve died. By blurting out every stupid little fucking thing his brain thought.  _

"Ohhh, there he is." Hargrove purred out and Steve's lip curled in response. "I wondered where he was? Thought you might be going all queer on me."  _ And what did  _ _ THAT  _ _ mean?!  _

"What?" Steve blurted out. Hargrove shrugged half heartedly and plucked out a cotton swap to dab at his own reopened split lip as he stood up. 

His cold eyes grazed across the kitchen and Steve felt oddly embarrassed for not dusting...hell his old dirty sneakers were visible from the entranceway, and Dustin's reminders were plastered on his fridge with increasingly nerdier magnets. 

Hargrove must have found something funny with what he saw because when he took the sight in he snorted. 

"Where's your shower Harrington?" Steve flinched at the name, and pointed down the hall. 

"Second door to your left, towels are in the closet across the hall, and I'll grab you some underwear and sweats." Steve offered getting up himself. 

"Just the sweats." 

Steve turned around at the disgusting smirk the other boy was sporting... _ gross _ ,  _ he did not need to know that. _

Steve heard as Billy picked up the first aid kit and heard him slam the bathroom door with excessive force. What had he gotten himself into…

Steve felt a small twinge in the back of his eyes and had to pause just to rub at them...so much for a headache-less day. 

He pulled out the biggest sweats he had, he hated to admit it but Hargrove was-

_ Was thicker the right term? _

Anyways, he was just fuller than Steve...Steve had always been the more lanky kid, especially when his growth spurt had kicked in. Tommy had been so pissed when he hadn't had the same.

_ 'I don't get it! How come you're so tall! It's not fair! I wanna be tall! You're parents aren't even that tall!'  _

Yeah...they weren't, but then again Steve never did get any of those two's genes. 

Steve folded up the sweat pants and heading back down the stairs to the bathroom. He wasn't going to risk walking on Hargrove, he really didn't need that in the morning. 

Steve left and couldn't help looking out his kitchen window for that little bird that seemed to be haunting him now. The snow had actually piled up pretty high now, the bare trees were almost completely painted in white and there wasn't a movement in sight. 

He couldn't seriously be imagining this bird could he? 

No one else had seen it though…

Steve looked down at his socked feet...his head was starting to hurt behind his eyes. 

He heard the shower get shut off and Steve took s deep calming breath. That was something Nancy used to do when she was feeling overwhelmed, especially when she was nervous, Steve hadn't even realized he had started copying her method at first. 

He had also been surprised by the fact that it had actually been effective. 

  
  


"Sooo...Harrington, must be nice having a place this big to yourself." Steve scowled at his last name again, it was odd how much it was bothering him to hear it. It didn't bother him when he heard anyone else call him by his last name. 

Maybe it was because he had told Hargrove the truth, Steve was sick of being just that...Harrignton, especially when he wasn't even a Harrington. 

"I thought I told you to call me Steve." Steve whispered finally turning to scowl at Hargrove. He looked a bit better but of course he wasn't wearing a shirt and his hair wasn't even fully dried. 

"Hmm, maybe I don't want to" Hargrove stuck out his tongue with a smirk. 

Steve raised an eyebrow in response. 

"Come on Harrington! You expect me to believe Hawkin's  _ beloved _ King Steve is actually adopted!" He cackled out reaching into the pocket of the seats and pulling out a pack of cigarettes. Steve wondered when he had transferred them over.

He didn't even attempt to tell him to smoke outside.

Steve turned away, spotting the ugly vase. 

"Believe what you want Hargrove." He closed his eyes and he could hear Hargrove huff. 

"Where's the proof then? Since you're not lying." Steve whipped back to Hargrove in confusion.  _ Proof? _

_ Where the hell would he even get that? _

AND HOLD UP! There was  NO way he was actually thinking about proving something to Hargrove was he. 

He looked around to all the pictures of his parents but not a single photo of himself, he had been too much of a disappointment to receive any special commemerance. 

“There’s not a single photo of me in this house.” Steve pointed out. Hargrove scoffed in response. 

“Is that all you really have Princess?” 

Steve looked down…”Well look at the pictures, I look nothing like them.” Steve identified. 

“Right, and who's to say you're not the mail man’s child?” Hargrove smirked, licking over the split in his lip, Steve scowled at his dumb face. 

Why did he have to prove anything to this asshole. Hargrove was the one that came to him, not the other way around! 

But deep inside, somewhere where Steve had locked up his darkest feelings he knew Hargrove was safe. If he told Hargrove what would it matter, Hargrove hadn’t been here in the beginning, no one would believe him. Steve had always wanted someone to know...just one person. 

He had gotten so close to blurting it out to Tommy and-

_ ‘If you mention  _ _ anything! _ _ About this we  _ _ will _ _ send you back, all sales final be damned!’ _

Steve shook his head, he knew there was a file, he knew there was a receipt, his parents had tried multiple times to return him back when he was in grade school. Back when it had become clear Steve wasn’t anything special. 

“There’s a folder.” Steve breathed out. Stepping away from Hargrove was surprisingly easy, as if Steve was in a trance, being enticed by the concept of finally being free of his cage. His heart started pounding in his head and he didn’t exactly hear Hargrove’s response. Steve just slumbered down the hallway and stopping at The Study. Steve’s pulse was rapidly increasing at what he was doing. This was insane...he shouldn’t be doing this, he really shouldn’t be doing this. 

It was a terrible idea. 

Steve pointed towards the door, “In there.” Steve stayed away from the door and he kept his gaze even as Hargrove made another comment that Steve couldn’t process. He pushed his way back into The Study and Steve only watched. 

“A folder?” Hargrove slammed the filing cabinet open and Steve flinched. He threw some of the folders onto the floor and Steve stayed put.

He blinked when he met icy blue. 

“You gonna help Princess, or am I meant to do all the work?” 

“I’m not allowed in The Study.” Steve whispered, remembering the most important rule in the house. 

_ ‘Do NOT step a single foot in here! Do you hear me! You Step even a toe in here and I’ll K-’ _

“I don’t see anything stopping you.” Steve finally blinked back to Hargrove to see him sitting on his father’s desk with his cigarette pressed between his lips, the smoke rising up. When had Hargrove lighten it?

Steve looked down at the threshold where the carpet split to meet the harsh wood flooring or The Study. 

“My parents said I can’t go in.” 

“I thought they weren’t your real parents.” Hargrove blew out a puff of smoke towards Steve with a raised eyebrow and-  _ he was right.  _

Steve let his foot scoot forward. He wasn’t meant to step in. He wasn’t meant to be in The Study. It was off bounds. 

  
  
  


A hand reached out and tugged Steve into the room and Steve couldn’t breathe. 

“Oh, just hurry the fuck up Harrington!” 

Everything looked so much more different from inside, was the room spinning? He could see Hargrove’s mouth moving as he spun around pulling out more folders, but Steve couldn’t hear him. 

All he could hear was his own heartbeat thumping against his eardrums. He could feel the itch deep in his nose that made him know a nose bleed was due any minute. 

He swallowed and closed his eyes tight, reopening them to The Study...it was just a room. It was just a room. 

“It’s in that drawer.” Steve directed, the drawer behind the desk, the one Steve had seen his father pull out the blue folder out many times. Hargrove grumbled something else and pulled the drawer open. 

“It’s a blue folder.” 

There it was, pressed tight in Hargrove’s clasp, He whipped his wet hair out of his face and flipped the pages in consideration. 

He whistled. 

“Damn…” He blue eyes ran over the page easily. Steve didn’t have to be able to read to know what the file said, he’d heard it multiple times. 

“You weren’t lying.” He flicked off some ash onto the wood flooring. Steve watched it fall, he didn’t want to look at the file anymore. 

“Fuck, they payed a pretty penny for you, huh?” Steve nodded stiffly still looking at the cooling ash on the floor. He heard a snap of the file being closed and tossed to the floor with all the others. 

“Must be nice, being raised by some rich fuckers, huh?” Steve finally looked up, his left eye twitching. 

“What?” 

“I mean, you must be rolling in dough.” Smoke rolled out of his nose, and he ran his tongue over that split in his lip. 

“It’s not mine.” Steve scowled at the other boy. 

  
  


“Oh come on Princess, how fitting you know, a Pretty thing left in a big castle surrounded by money.” Hargrove laughed, placing the cigarette back in his mouth. 

Oh and didn’t that just piss Steve off, because he was right.

“Shut the fuck up Hargrove.” He growled. Hargrove smirked in response flicking more ash onto the ground. 

"Must be nice, being left a whole mansion to yourself!" 

"It's not a mansion, it's a cage!" Steve was fuming now, blood rushing through his ears. 

"Oh boo hoo Harrington, you got a whole place to yourself!" Hargrove took a step forward into Steve's face, the smoke smacking him in the lungs. 

"I hate it." Steve geowles out again, not willing to back down. 

"And yet it's in pristine condition" 

"What?" 

"I don't know here, Princess." Hargrove puffed more smoke out onto Steve's face as his eyes traveled to the room around them. "If you really were mad wouldn't you have broken one thing?" Hargrove spun around throwing his arms out as if displaying something. "If it's really so bad, how do you not crawl out of your own skin in this place." He flicked his cigarette on the floor and stamped it out, ignoring the fact it had left a black smear on the nice floor.

He looked back up and Steve's brown met Hargrove's blue. 

"Don't you want to just-" he clicked his tongue just like he had that night, "-get angry?"

"Come on man, do it, just one thing, break it" he goaded with a wide smirk. 

Steve wasn't having it, he was done with this weird tug of war they were playing, leave it to Hargrove to want to destroy someone else's house. 

Steve huffed, and no he  _ didn't _ run, he just swiftly left the room. 

"I knew you'd back down Harrington!" Steve didn't flinch this time. He could hear Hargrove stomping after him; Steve wanted him out. 

"You always were full of bullshit!" Steve froze. 

_ Bullshit.  _

_ Bullshit.  _

_ It's bullshit. _

_ You're bullshit.  _

_ You're pretending like everything is okay.  _

_ Like- like we didn't kill Barb! _

"I'll show you bullshit." Steve snarled. He stamped up the steps, and slammed his door open, snatching up his bat and stomping back down. He ignored Hargrove's wide eyes and step back, instead eyeing that ugly vase in the entranceway. 

"Whoa, whoa, that was your bat!?" 

Steve shouldered past Hargrove, lifting the bat up and swung. 

The vase shattered. 

The noise was deafening. 

"Sh _ iiiiit _ ." Hargrove breathed.  _ Bullshit.  _

Steve's lungs were working in overdrive and his head started to pound. He turned to Hargrove whose mouth was open wide in surprise, it slowly lifting in a smile. 

Steve's eyes drift over Hargrove's shoulder to an expensive painting his mother had brought back with glee.  _ Bullshit. _

Steve stalked over to the painting and slammed his bat into the expensive artwork. He couldn't help but smile with sadistic glee as the nails caught in the oil and ripped the illustration into ribbons. 

_ BULLSHIT _ . 

Steve turned to the expensive white couch, his lip curled and he lifted his bat up again, slamming it down into the cushions and letting the nails snag into it and pull out the threads. Fluff started to bud up like blood on a Demodog. 

Steve panted letting his bat become more limp in his hand. 

"Bullshit." 

Steve turned around and he couldn't hear if Hargrove followed him back into The Study. Steve paused at the threshold. 

He wasn't supposed to be in The Study. He wasn't allowed in The Study. 

_ Bullshit.  _

Steve scowled and stepped over the threshold, tasting blood over his lips. 

_ Bullshit. _

He raised his bat up and slammed it into the crystal cabinet holding the expensive liquor his father kept, the shattering was absolutely gratifying. 

He turned towards the stupidly expensive polished wood desk. He reached swung his bat up and stepped over the burnt swirl that Hargrove had smeared into the ground. He stepped on top of his own blue file and cracked the bat down, the nails digging into the desk and being ripped out of his own bat, staying stuck into the desk.

He twisted the bat around and crashed it into the filling cabinets and the blood started to drip down his chin as the cabinets fell over. 

He panted standing in the carnage looking down at the blue file under his foot, the top almost ripped off. 

He heard a small whistle of appreciation behind him. Steve turned around to land eye contact with Hargrove. 

"Wow! So King Steve isn't really dead." 

Hargrove's eyes traveled to Steve's lips. 

"You're bleeding." His face twisted in something Steve didn't recognize. Steve didn't bring up his hand, instead letting his tongue flit out and lick the top of his lip, mimicking Billy's perverted tongue movement. 

"Yeah. I am." Steve's head was pounding but it didn't hurt anymore.

Steve turned back to the desk and out the window. 

"I have one last thing I need to do." Steve gasped out. Turning back out and heading towards the living room to the sliding glass door. 

Steve swung the door open and stared down that hideous sight before him. The steam rising up from the neon blue in the ground.  _ Bullshit.  _

Steve turned to his left and headed towards his shed, he ignored the snow melting through his socks. He didn't feel the ice in the air, he didn't feel the freeze in his lungs, and he certainly didn't feel the blood running down his face. 

He slammed the shed door open and started grabbing the pristine tools and throwing them behind him, out of his way. He only needed one thing here. 

And there it was. 

The submersible pump. 

Steve snatched it in his right, his left still clinging to his bat. 

He turned around and could spot Hargrove wide eyed and shivering in the cold. 

Steve ignored him plugging in the pump and making sure to put it down into the pull, letting the tube fall out into the yard behind him. 

He didn't care. He wanted this dreaded sight gone. 

The water was spraying into the snow and grass behind him and Steve hoped the pool was ruined. 

Billy fell into place next to Steve staring down at the pool below them. 

"Dude that was a perfectly good pool." He huffed out. 

"A girl died in here last year." Steve whispered. 

"Did you kill her?" Hargrove turned his head towards Steve but Steve didn't look up.

"Yeah." He whispered. 

Steve turned away finally bringing a hand up to swipe the blood away from his face, ignoring the smear it left in his wake. 

He walked back into the living room and looked at the destruction around him. 

The sliding glass door closed behind him and Steve tilted his head to meet Billy's own furrowed eyes. He didn't step closer and Steve let the bat drop from his fingers. 

He fell back into the white couch and closed his eyes. 

"You might actually be crazy Pretty Boy." Billy's voice was oddly quiet in the vast silence of the house. 

"You have no idea Hargrove." He exhaled out. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it! 
> 
> What did you think! I know it's not a lot...but this is more of a slow burn so I don't want to rush it! 
> 
> Please let me know what you all think and comments really push me to write faster. I'm not a very confident person when it comes to my writing and the comments really push me to write more despite that. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Sorry this took a while, and it's a bit slower, I had to go to the ER this monday for kidney stones. 
> 
> Basically if theres some issues I'm so so sorry, it's probably becuase of the pain meds I'm on...
> 
> Again thank you everyone who commented and supported this story, you made me want to continue and you're the reason why this story has continued on.

Honestly...having the cushions ripped up didn't make them more comfortable, in fact it did the opposite. Not that they had ever been comfortable, Steve's mother had bought them for the aesthetic he assumed, more for the display than for practical use. 

Steve would know, he hadn't seen them sat on this couch once. 

But it was fun destroying something of theirs, just for once showing an act of rebellion. They're perfect little dollhouse destroyed. 

It was pretty self destructive...especially since once his parents returned (whenever that was) he was going to be...disciplined. 

And yet...Steve still made sure to wipe off the excess blood from his nose on the white cushions. 

_ Good _.

Surprisingly having Hargrove slump down next to him in silence wasn't awkward. It was oddly...comfortable, Steve hadn't felt another presence in his house in...well forever...not the comfortable silence type. Dustin always jabbed away, and before him Tommy just wanted to boast. 

He thought he would hate the silence...he thought he would despise the lack of communication. 

He didn't. Maybe it was a take what you can get situation…

He could hear Hargrove breathe next to him -what a sight…two boys that had been at each others throats sitting comfortably in silence surrounded by destruction. 

Seemed stupidly poetic...like something out of those dumb books Nancy used to love so much. 

_ Bullshit. _

  
  


Steve sniffed, trying to stop the tingling sensation of some more drops of blood running down his face. His head was still thumping but it was less _ adrenaline _ and more _ sore _ now. 

At least the blood was stopping.

"So do you always get a nose bleed when your panties are in a twist?" 

Okay Steve took it back, sitting with Hargrove wasn't comfortable, it was maddening. 

He cracked an eye open to scowl at the other. Of _ course _ he had a smirk painted on his lips. 

"Or am I the only lucky one who gets to see it?" Steve's face twisted even more. 

"Don't consider yourself so special Hargrove." He let his eyelids slide shut again. He heard Hargrove huff in response. 

Finally some more silence. Steve was mentally exhausted. 

"So that's your bat." _ Holy shit! _He was going to choke Hargrove. 

"Yeah." He didn't even bother opening his eyes, "why." 

He heard a humm in response. "I'm just wondering why little Rich boy needs such a thing in his possession." 

Steve opened his eyes to look at the abandoned bat on the floor. 

"You don't need to know." He answered, not turning to look at what reaction was elicited from his reply. 

"So it's just normal to be holed up into a drug den with a bunch of kids and a 'I don't need to know about' spiked bat." Despite posing the response as a question, Hargrove did not really want an answer, that was clear enough to Steve.

Honestly how could Hargrove handle always itching for a fight, wasn't he tired? Steve sure as hell was. 

He turned his gaze over to the other scowled boy, "Nothing about this place is normal." He truthfully whispered. He couldn't say why, nor did he want to, NDA or not; it was a mercy to be free of knowledge of the Upside Down. 

No one wanted to know about the shadows in the night, or the creatures with split heads, and the labs that experimented on children. 

"Sure it ain't Pretty Boy, it's a real exciting place!" Gods his sarcasm was strong. Stove rolled his eyes in response. 

"Look Hargrove...somethings are just hard to understand." He offered up, letting his eyes fall back on his bat. He could see the shattered remains of the once ugly vase on the floor. 

"Like you possibly dating kids." _ WHAT!? _

_ " _ ** _WHAT!?_ ** _ " _ Steve screamed out, whipping around to stare incredulously at the smug boy. 

"I mean what other reason would you have for hanging out in a drug den with a bunch of twelve year olds?" He raised his eyebrow and _ yeah, Hargrove was sick in the head. _

"I am NOT Dating kids! Fuck dude! They're kids! Gross!" Billy's lips curved up at that remark, Steve- for the life of him- could not comprehend why.

"I'm just saying! This town is full of perverts all over the place." Hargrove shrugged as if this was a normal topic of conversations-_ which it wasn't! _

"I'm sorry what!?" Steve blurted out. Billy's eyes met his own. 

"You know, back home, there was a lot of messed up men, and you'd think there wouldn't be as much out here, and yet…" his eyebrows furrowed and the cut on his eyebrow seemed to have cracked back open. 

"It seems the most disgusting vermin really do find ways to sneak through the cracks." He then raised an eyebrow at Steve, as if daring him to argue. 

Steve didn't know what he was going on about, but whatever it was it was enough for Hargrove to be angered. 

Steve remembered back to that night, as much as he could, seeing as his brain wasn't exactly in top form that day, and the way Hargrove had mentioned the situation giving him the creeps. 

Or something along those lines. 

He slowly leaned back down. 

"I was babysitting them." He explained. "Nothing else...and for the record I was only trying to keep you away because I was told you were going to literally kill us." Steve pointed out, holding out his pointer finger for emphasis. 

"And how you treated Lucas was definitely not helping!" 

"Lucas?" 

"Yeah lucas Sinclair?" Steve looked as it finally dawned on Hargrove. 

"Oh him." He shrugged and Steve was utterly disgusted, how could he be so nonchalant about it? 

"Look, that wasn't okay man." He tried to reason, because it wasn't, Hargrove should know...more than anyone, and besides if he was going to be a racist asshole, well he could walk himself right out of Steve's house. 

"Fuck, you really are a babysitter arent you?" He looked absolutely disappointed by the revelation. 

Steve frowned back. 

"And so what if I am? Someone needs to look out for those kids." Billy seemed to contemplate that answer. 

"Is that why you let little old me in your house? And here I thought I was special" he blandly called out, his tongue reaching back out to hit his cut again. 

Steve didn't have an answer to that. Why did he let Hargrove in? Was it because he knew Hargrove's situation and wanted to help? Did he want to protect him? Was he so lonely he became desperate? 

Steve shrugged and slumped back closing his eyes again, he was too tired for in depth thought. 

"Who knows." Steve replied. 

He just wanted the peaceful quiet back, no more conversations. His head was tired and he wanted to doze off for a while, maybe see that comforting darkness again. 

Of course that was when a loud banging could be heard. 

"STEEEEVEEEEE!!" 

_ Noooooooo _

Steve groaned out and cracked his eyes back open. 

"Fuck! What is that?" Billy croaked out, Steve ignored him. 

"STEVE OPEN THE DOOR! I KNOW YOU'RE HOME!" 

Steve threw an arm over his eyes. 

"Is that a kid?" Steve didn't answer, "sh_ iiii _t you really are a babysitter." He laughed. 

Steve groaned out again. 

"STEVE! ARE YOU OKAY!? IF YOU CAN'T ANSWER LET ME KNOW!" Hargrove cackled at that statement. 

"HOLD ON STEVE! I'LL CALL HOPPER!" Steve jumped up at that, _ yeah _ he did _ not _ need Hopper in his house right now. Hopper still probably thought his parents were home. 

He ignored the passing comment from Hargrove; '_ your such a mom Harrington' _

He was quick to fling the door open to see Dustin wide eyed and holding his walkie talkie like a weapon. 

"You do not need to call Hop, Dust, everything's fi-" 

"WHAT THE SHIT HAPPENED!?" Dustin screeched, his eyes almost popping out of his head. He reached forward and was seemingly checking Steve out for injuries, and why-

_ Oh _

_ Ooooohhhh…. _

Right...Steve was still bloody… he brought a hand up self consciously to scratch at the wide smear across his face from blood. 

"Look Dustin! It's not that bad I swear, It's just another nose bleed okay." Steve tried to pacify, but Dustin wasn't listening, rather marching his way inside and screeching at the destruction. 

"STEVE WERE YOU ROBBED!?" Steve had to remind himself he loved this kid, he did not want to throttle him, Dustin was the little brother he always wanted. 

"No Dustin it w-" he tried talking again, but of course that was right when Dustin walked further enough in to see the living room, which meant consequently seeing Billy on his stained and ripped white couch. 

"FUCK!" Dustin screeched, "language man" steve tried to tell him off but Dustin was scrambling back and bumping into Steve, pushing him back behind him, towards the front door.

"Quick Steve! We gotta call Hop!" Dustin shouted out, 

"Dustin it's fine!" Steve stumbled back, snatching the walkie talkie away from Dustin's hands. 

"It's not fine! Hargrove came in and vest you up and destroyed your house! We have to fall Ho-" 

"That was actually your Babysitter!" Hargrove smirked and _ when had he pulled out another smoke, and wasn't that too many cigarettes in one day? _

Steve shook his head when Dustin went to argue. 

"Dustin he's not lying, I did this." Dustin's eyes bulged even farther. 

"What!?" He whipped back at the smirking Hargrove and then back at Steve. 

"You don't have to lie for him Steve…" Dustin whispered, and bless this kid. 

"Dust...really it was me." His face scrunched up in disbelief as Hargrove blew more smoke out. 

"So what…" Steve watched Dustin trying to formulate a sentence, " you're just...hanging out now?" Dustin looked absolutely baffled. 

Steve didn't know how to answer that. 

Dustin then eyed Hargrove smoking leisurely on the couch. 

"Steve...don't you remember! This guy is batshit crazy! He almost killed you!" Dustin pleaded, gripping Steve's shirt tight in her fists. 

"Dustin, look, let's cal-" 

"You don't remember! That was a bad concussion! The doctors didn't know if you would die Steve! Hop thought you were going to die!" 

"Dustin! Pl-" 

"No! You listen, Steve! That guy was an inch away from becoming a murderer!" Dustin screamed out with horror. Suddenly there was a loud slam and he turned to see Billy completely taught...like a cat did when it was primed for a fight. 

Dustin was finally quiet and Steve snatched his arm and threw him behind him, standing between the two making sure to keep his purpose of protector.

He was glaring in a way that reminded Steve again of that night, it was something to do with his eyes, his face twisted in anger but it never did reach his eyes. 

"I'm out of here." He declared stomping past them, and picking up his shoes. Steve couldn't help but stare...was Hargrove just planning to walk out without a shirt and in Steve's sweats.

The answer was yes apparently seeing as that was exactly what Billy did. Dustin moved behind Steve, sticking his head out from behind him to get a closer look of Hargrove stalking off down the street. 

"I think we just dodged being murdered." Dustin breathed out, and Steve sighed. 

"Dustin…" he turned around to face the young boy, " what are you doing here man?" 

Dustin met his eyes and they light up with concern. 

"I was coming to check on you! Good thing too!" Steve ignored the second half of that comment. 

"Checking on me?" 

"Well yeah! You got your stitches out. Wanted to make sure everything was okay!" He answered with his volume exceedingly high, but that was just Dustin. 

Steve couldn't help but cringing as he massaged his head, a headache was finally deciding to rip it's way through him. 

"I'm doing fine Dustin, so you can go." Steve told him as he turned back around to stomp up his steps again, Dustin could see himself out. 

"No way!" Dustin was suddenly in front of Steve again, blocking his path, "you're not fine Steve!" 

"What?" 

"I said you're not fine!" Dustin stomped his foot for good measure...Steve hadn't seen someone do that since they were four. 

"Look Steve...I don't know if you realize this," Dustin had his hands out as if to pacify him, "but hanging out with your potential murderer is not normal." For once his volume was under control and that made it ten times worse somehow. As if he was trying to speak slowly for Steve to understand. 

"Dusti-" Steve started whining.

"Especially! When I find you bleeding! And the house a mess; do you even know your yard is flooded?" And dammit...the kid had a point, which sucked. It looked bad. 

Steve sighed. 

"I knew about the flooding." He offered. Dustin raised an eyebrow in response, and _ gooooddss _ how come a little thirteen year old got to be more in control then him. 

Dustin sighed and it sounded like every other person who was disappointed with Steve's mental performance. 

"Look...buddy, let's go visit Will huh?" Dustin quirked up the corner of his mouth, and honestly it had been a while since they'd seen Will...it did seem like a good idea. 

Maybe Steve just needed to get out of this cage. 

"Okay, okay ...yeah...that- yeah, that's a good plan." Steve nodded to himself. Dustin beamed at his reply, and sheesh it should not be this easy to make this kid that happy. 

"I'll just go...um get ready." Steve offered walking past Dustin to get properly dressed. He heard a small crunch and turned to see Dustin crushing some of the broken vase shards under his shoes. 

He'd have to clean that up. 

* * *

Steve was reminded when he got to the Byers that he _ Really _ should buy them a fridge and an apology.

Something nice to properly apologize.

Especially since when they arrived Joyce was scrubbing the freezer again. Steve couldn't help but ask if something spilled, assuming it would be as simple as that. But the answer he received made it so much worse. 

"No sweetheart, it just seems that...well you know, seemed to have quite a stench on it, I can't get it out! And it sure makes the rest of the food taste like it…" she trailed off and there was a lit cigarette waiting for her to pick back up. 

_ Yeah...definitely gonna buy a new fridge for them. _

  
  


Steve nodded at that and Dustin hadn't stuck around for any more conversations. The boy simply ran towards Will's room down the hall. 

"How's Will doing?" Steve asked softly to Joyce. 

She looked up and stopped her scrubbing, instead grabbing her cigarette and sitting at the kitchen table. 

Steve hated how stressed she looked. 

"Well he's all healed up if that's what your asking?" She smiled sadly. There was a story there. 

Steve glanced down the hallway and then made his way to sit down next to Joyce. 

"And?" He prompted

Joyce sighed rubbing her eyebrow. 

"He's developed a fear of outside...I don't blame him, but I'm worried." Steve nodded slowly.

"He refuses to go outside or even let anything cold touch him, I just wish I knew how to help." She offered and she looked absolutely drained. Steve nodded...he wished he knew too, but everything about the Upside down was sort of a toss up. 

  
  


"Yeah…" he offered…

"Steve! You coming or what!?" Steve heard Dustin call out and he politely excused himself from Joyce who smiled half heartedly. 

How could he help? 

Steve stepped into Will's room with trepidation, seeing Will sitting on his bed next to Dustin looking over some kind of magazine…

Oh it better not be- 

It was a comic...thank heavens. Steve smiled when Will looked up at him.

"Hi Steve." 

"Hi Will, how you doing?" Will ducked his head down to look back down at the comic- _ Xmen was what it read. _

"I'm okay." He nodded and Dustin beamed at the answer. 

"I heard you were better?" Steve asked, Will nodded. 

"Whatcha reading?" Steve asked looking over at the comic book, "X-men? What's that?" Both boys gave him a bewildered look at that. 

Dustin slapped a hand over his face.

"Thank goodness Mike isn't here." He groaned and Will snorted in reply. Steve didn't understand what the issue was. 

"Dude you can't just ask that! You could be kicked out of the party for questions like that." Dustin warned a finger pointed and Steve blanched. 

"What? Over something that stupid?" 

"Xmen is not stupid Steve!" Steve cared to differ. 

"I just was asking what it was." He defended. Will was giggling silently to himself watching the banter. 

"Yes! And I'm saying, you can't ask that." Steve huffed, snatched the book to take a look at it. 

"Well if I can't ask how am I supposed to learn what it is." He pointed out. 

"He does have a point." Will nodded with a small smile. Steve pointed at him with a nod, "see this is why he's my favorite." He smiled and Will shyly smiled back, it made Dustin's scandalized face worth it. 

Dustin snatched the magazine back, "okay fine! I'll explain it to you!" Will nodded eagerly. Steve found himself sitting on the floor leaning his head back on Will's bed as the two boys jumped back and forth explaining the story to him. 

Honestly he couldn't comprehend it all, he was too tired anyways, and his brain wasn't good at filtering words. Something about how a professor helped people with powers save the world...or at least that's what Steve got. 

If you asked...he wouldn't be able to tell you when he fell asleep. One moment he was listening with his eyes closed and the next he was being shaken awake by Joyce with a kind smile. 

"Hi sweetheart, it's starting to get a bit late and I know Dustin needs to be getting home." Steve rubbed his eyes painfully, he was absolutely exhausted. 

"Now. I know how tired you must be so I can take Dustin home and you can keep sleeping if you'd like?" She offered sweetly, and Steve almost teared up from her kind tone. 

He couldn't do it, he needed to leave, he needed out. 

"No, no, thank you Mrs. Byers, I'll get going." He ignored the soft; '_ call me Joyce.' _

Steve ran his fingers through his hair and _ right _ it was still a mess, he suddenly felt very embarrassed. 

"Thank you again for letting me and Dustin hang out." He smiled and he didn't look up to see if she smiled back. When he reached the living room Will and Dustain were doodling something on the loose papers around them. 

Steve remembered the black and blue tunnels pasted around the house. 

"Come on Dustin, we gotta get you home." Dustin met his eyes with silent concern but a nod. 

"Bye Will!" Dustin swarmed his friend and enveloping him in a tight hug before releasing him. 

Steve met Will's own tired dark eyes and smiled softly in reassurance. 

"It was good seeing you Will, calm me up if you need me again okay!" Will nodded shyly, pasting his eyes back down at his drawing which seemed to be some kind of wizard. Steve nodded and started to head out of the house towards his Beemer. 

"You okay Steve?" Dustin asked so softly it seemed out of character for him. 

"Yeah...just tired buddy, didn't sleep that great." Which was a lie, last night was the best sleep he had had in awhile! 

Steve ignored Dustin's look of disbelief. 

He climbed into the driver's seat right when Jonathan pulled up. Steve didn't want to greet him, didn't really want to deal with all those emotions that came with the other boy. 

"Come on Dust, let's go." Steve stared at the road in front of him. They needed to go. 

Getting Dustin inside the car was surprisingly easy, and the drive itself was relatively quiet. Steve didn't want to handle the sound of his radio or cassettes. Instead he drove watching the road in front of him as the sun started to dip into the sky. 

He knew Dustin was thinking, he knew Dustin was dealing with a lot of things at once and Steve felt guilty knowing it had to do with him, he always caused problems.

He was about two blocks away from Dustin's home when he saw a big red glowing string shootout in front of his car. 

Steve slammed on his brakes and Dustin screamed at the rough stop. 

Steve's breath caught when the red string was cutting through his vision before him, heading into the woods. 

"Steve?" He couldn't hear anything with the blood pumping in his ears. He had never seen the string outside of his sleep..._ never! _ Did they mean...he was sleeping right now!? No...no! It couldn't be. 

Steve put his car in park and slowly climbed out, never taking his eyes off that red string. 

The hairs on his skin were raising, a cold shiver running down his spine. Something felt unnatural and wrong, as if the air around him was electrified. 

"Steve, what's wrong!?" Steve slowly walked forward towards the string until it was right in front of him. He slowly lifted a hand up ready to touch the string when it suddenly whipped and dissolved into the darkness. 

_ When had Steve started running after it? _

Steve stumbled across the half melted snow and watched the string vanish before his sight. He collapsed to his knees not feeling the ice melt through his clothes. 

"Steve!" Steve flinched when Dustin's warm hand landed on his shoulder. 

Steve turned towards him with worry, there was another nosebleed coming on, the newly familiar taste of iron in the back of his throat. 

"Dustin?" 

Dustin's eyes were wide and horrified and his shoulders were shaking as if he had been crying. 

"Steve...come on, let's go back to the car." Steve mindlessly nodded and stood back up wet knees, scrapped hands and all. 

"Right. Yeah." He breathed out heading back to his Beemer. 

When he found his car still running in the middle of the road with both doors swung aside open he couldn't help but feel dread of what exactly he had done. 

_ Gods he had just stopped in the middle of the road...he could have gotten Dustin hurt. _

"Dust...did you see anything red?" He whispered softly, he needed to know, _ he needed to know. _

"Red?" 

"Yeah…" 

"No Steve." Dustin's voice shook with worry. 

_ Oh _…

Blood started to drip from his nose. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it! 
> 
> Tell me what you think! Please comment what you think, every comment pushes me to get the next chapter up sooner! 
> 
> Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> More Billy next chapter!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! Hello! Thank you everyone for the comments, you made my day, I've been struggling a lot with recovery, I'm mostly bedridden with pain, so I got this out MUCH earlier than I thought I would. 
> 
> Thank you again for the support, I'm terribly shy about my writing and absolutely terrified that what I'm writing is utter garbage, but every comment pushes me to write more. 
> 
> Thank you again!

If you ask Steve wouldn't be able to tell you that the last few weeks were uneventful. 

For one, Steve was pretty sure he was hallucinating, or at least was. The string had been right there and Dustin hadn't see it at all. 

Which meant Steve was crazy...definitely. He should have been able to figure that put when he let Hargrove crash at his place...maybe that was part of his self destructive attitude. 

Well even if it wasn't; him not cleaning up his mess certainly was. Rather than cleaning up the broken shards Steve just started wearing his shoes inside as well. 

Also having the pool empty and drained into his backyard in the dead of winter had been a _ lovely _choice. Steve wanted to laugh when he found his whole yard frozen solid. 

Besides all that, Steve had finally bought the Byers a new fridge, of course he didn't put his name on it, he didn't want them thinking this was charity. 

He merely put an apology from the party. He thought it was clever. 

Or it was dumb and crazy...which he was sure Dustin was convinced he was, seeing as how after the string incident he had done well on his threat. Hopper has knocked all authoritative on his door three days in a row. Each time Steve had hidden in his room and pretended he didn't exist, he thought he had gotten away with it when Hopper left but then he came back another two days. 

Plus Steve realized he had parked his car hazardously on the front lawn. _ Yeah...Hop probably knew he was hiding in his room like a dunce. _

Steve was happy to declare...to no one seeing as no one was around-_ but that was beside the point- _that Steve was finally getting better! 

His headaches were subsiding dramatically, and his nose bleeds were happily absent. Although that meant normal drea-_ well nightmares _were back. 

That meant Steve had lost a lot of sleep over visions of tunnels and dogs with split heads. 

What was surprising was the new nightmares of a small girl with blood on her lip and pure black eyes. 

He was pretty sure it was that girl Eleven…

Either way Steve knew his brain had to have hallucinated a lot. Especially since that bird hadn't made an appearance once. 

_ Also! Why strings and birds? What dumb hallucinations… _

Steve hadn't run into Hargrove since their little hang out jam. In fact the blue Camaro was oddly absent in his daily excursions…

Maybe the other boy left for the holidays. 

There was a high chance Hargrove was avoiding him...and _ how sad was that! Even his own bully wanted nothing to do with him. _

Steve just tried to ignore it all since he had a new issue to deal with. 

The Snowball Dance. 

  
  


Steve was meant to start heading over ten minutes ago. Key word meant…

Steve was in fact laying down on his bedroom floor in only a towel wrapped around his waist. His hair was finally...somewhat styled this time. Well, he was sure laying down on the ground was going to mess it all up. 

To be honest...Steve wasn't doing anything, he wouldn't call this contemplating; there certainly wasn't any thoughts going through his head. He just was staring at his painted ceiling. 

_ He should be getting up. _

There was no reason for it, but for some reason Steve couldn't bring himself to actually move. His arms had already broken out in goosebumps from his poor attempt at drying off and the frigid air around him. 

He felt somewhat uncomfortable in the damp cold towel stuck to his skin. 

He took in a deep breath and let his eyes close.

He heard that, that Eleven girl was being allowed to attend...he hoped Hopper wouldn't be there. The chief wasn't stupid, and it was obvious Steve had tucked his tail between his legs and hid in his cave. 

_ He really needed to get off the floor. _

Who was he kidding? _ Of course _Hopper would be there. 

Steve would never be that lucky. 

Maybe it was for the good to have Hopper on his case; Steve didn't have any confirmation his brain wasn't prepped for the loony bin. 

_ He should get dressed. _

Steve let his eyes reopen staring at the flaking paint on the edge of his ceiling. He didn't want to get up. 

He didn't want to move. 

He just wanted to stay here on his floor staring at his ceiling in a cold wet towel.

He promised Dustin.

Steve rolled over and got himself up, pulling on some clean underwear and ripped jeans. He purposely pulled out the thin blank red sweater he owned. It wasn't fit for the weather on it's own, but Steve really didn't mind the cold so much lately, as if his blood was running on hot. 

Maybe that was how Hargrove managed to never wear a shirt in the cold. 

Maybe it just came with being crazy. 

  
  
  


Steve's red sweater was actually very soft, probably why he still kept it despite it getting a hole in its lovely fabric. 

He didn't really care, it wasn't like he was going to be sitting in at the dance, although he had nothing better to do…

He wondered backhandedly if Will would be okay to go to the said dance, after all it hadn't sounded like they had had much improvement with him braving the outside. 

  
  


Steve prayed he would have courage...poor kid deserved nothing else but a good night. 

He stumbled downstairs grabbed a large paper bag filled with the necessary items he needed, he had gathered them together before he had climbed into the shower. 

There was snow outside, but it wasn't freezing, in fact the sun was out. 

Steve slipped on his beat up tennis shoes and purposely stepped on the vase shard on the ground, liking the crunch that sounded out. 

He couldn't help looking out across the clear sky for a bird...it was almost a habit now...Steve wasn't entirely sure he could trust his own sight lately. 

He shook his head, got into his car, drove out of his front lawn, and onto the street. 

The drive was quiet...almost too quiet, as if Steve couldn't hear the engine rumbling underneath his fingers. Christmas would be arriving soon. 

His parents weren't coming home, he didn't know where they were but they never felt the need to queue Steve in on their plans. 

He wondered if he should do anything for Christmas...last year he had sat in on the Wheeler's holidays. 

It had been nice. Especially with the young baby being so joyful; Steve would never admit it but he loved babies...they were just so sweet when they laughed and so cute. 

Tommy had made fun of him back in the day when he had admitted it. 

Nancy had dressed up all nice and the Wheelers had even handed Steve a gift! It was actually the first gift Steve had received on Christmas in a while. Tommy always handed Steve his gift weeks after Christmas, and Steve wasn't half convinced they weren't just the things Tommy didn't want. 

But that gift from the Wheelers...it had been just for him, and on Christmas day no less! Steve had been psyched! 

Sure it was an oddly pink sweater that Steve wouldn't be caught dead wearing outside or Tommy would call him a _ faggot _ again, but it was the thought that counted. 

Steve had felt like he was imposing but he had been so desperate that year for company...anything…

This year Steve would probably be by himself. 

Seemed oddly fitting. 

Steve turned left, down Dustin's home street. He shook his head to clear it up, that was a problem for another time. 

He did not need to be reminiscing about a girl that he clearly had let down. 

Instead he promptly parked his car (not on the front lawn, but perfectly parallel in front of the house) and knocked on Dustin's door with a _ significant _ lack of confidence. 

Steve let his eyes wander around the house...it looked homey, there were exterior Christmas lights and even small deer decorations on the lawn. He could see behind the curtains of the front window that there was indeed a Christmas tree in their house.

It looked so…._ warm. _

Steve snapped back to attention when the door swung open to reveal a plump short woman. 

"Oh! Are you Steven!?" She was beaming at him and had a cat pressed tightly into her arms- although the cat looked perfectly comfortable. 

"Oh..yes ma'am." 

"Oh Goodie! Dusty has been waiting for you!" She beamed as she swung the door wider to let Steve in, the house was exuding warmth and it made Steve shiver in response. 

"Oh goodness darling! Come in!" Steve didn't know what to do when she tugged him in, the cat meowing softly at losing an arm for support. "You must be freezing out there! Can I get you some hot Coco?" 

Steve dazedly shook his head, "no thank you ma'am." He whispered.

"Oh none of that!" She laughed, "please call me Claudia!" She gently placed the white and black spotted cat on the counter and took Steve's frigid hands in her own. Somehow managing to do so with Steve clutching the paper bag. 

"Thank you for helping out Dusty, he's been gushing about you for a while, and I'm just so happy to see an older kid looking out for him. You know he's such a sh-" 

"MOM!" _ Oh thank heavens Dustin was here. _

"Oh Dusty! Your friend is here!" She let go of Steve's hands and somehow they felt colder than they ever had before.

Steve blinked over as Dustin marched forward with flaming cheeks. 

"I see that Mom, thanks." He muttered, grabbing Steve's arm just like his mother had to tug him along. So that's where he got it from. 

Steve turned back to watch the curly haired blond re-pick up the small cat. 

_ They really did look alike...guess that's what normal parents are meant to be like. _

Steve was shoved forcefully into Dustin's room- which by the way was a _ mess! _

"Whoa man...this...uhh.." Steve glanced around the room to see half finished electronics strewn about, but most concerning was the piles of suits, shirts and ties scattered about.

"I can't decide!" Dustin screeched making Steve jump. 

"Sheesh dude...volume." Dustin ignored him. Pulling up a plain black jacket and a green button up. 

"I want to look nice! But I _ can't _ask my mom because she says I look nice in Everything! It's sabotage!" Steve let the paper bag land on a desk beside him.

"I really don't think that's what-" 

"It's sabotage Steve! And I can't figure out which one to wear!" He groaned throwing the clothing back down on the bed...they'd wrinkle if he kept doing that.

"BYE DUSTY! I LOVE YOU!" Steve heard Mrs. Henderson shout out, he didn't even have a moment to throw up his hands over his ears when Dustin shouted out a 'BYE MOM!' In return. 

It was as if Dustin didn't even think about it because the next second he was throwing another suit over to Steve's arms with a "what about this one!?"

Steve honestly didn't know what to do, he felt like he was getting whiplash over here. 

"I- okay, let's calm down for a second." Steve gently placed the suit back on the bed, it was then he noticed the comforter said Sta- W-rs… the clothes covering the other letters, whatever that was. 

Steve took in all the suits at once. His eyes landing on a nice plaid suit and blue shirt. 

"Okay, be honest man, which one do you like the most?" He asked but Dustin scowled slowly, as if the answer was physically hurting him.

"Okay, okay! Umm...well, I personally think this pale blue shirt would look good on you, especially paired with that plaid suit?" He offered softly, he didn't want to influence Dustin's decision but that suit was clearly the nicest one out of them all. 

"Really? You think? It's from my aunt's wedding, she made me part of her wedding party." He offered.

"Well..yeah, I think it'd make you stand out and.." Steve tried to come up with the right words, "blue is a good color for you." He offered. Dustin's face slowly split into a grin.

"Okay!" Dustin smiled and started pulling off his own shirt. 

"Dude! Dude!" 

"What?"

"What are you doing?" 

"Changing?" Dustin looked confused by the question, Steve sighed and shook his head. 

"I'm gonna wait out in the other room, let me know when you're ready for you hair." He took a quick cursory glance at the damp mop of hair on Dustin's head. 

"I see you've already showered, good."

Dustin nodded along, "I made sure to time it perfectly!" Steve smiled at his response...and here Steve was almost about to miss it all because Steve was laying down staring at nothing. 

"Good, let me know when you're ready, okay?" Dustin nodded, tugging at his pajama bottoms, Steve let himself out. 

He suddenly was all alone in the house.

It was...lovely? It looked way more loved compared to the Wheelers. The Wheeler's house was oddly sterile..sure the baby made a mess sometimes, but Mrs. Wheeler was very quick to snatch everything up and put it in place. 

Plus the Wheelers' during Christmas were never this decked out. There was Christmas memorabilia _ everywhere _. 

Even the cat had a red present bow tied around its neck as it slept on the couch. The Christmas tree was gaudy to say the least, with the tin decorations and bright lights, the ornaments all looked homemade (not badly made, just they were made with thread and sequins). 

There was Christmas lights along the walls and what looked to be ceramic statues of carolers, homes in snow, and religious figures scattered all over the surfaces. 

It seemed dangerous especially with the cat, but maybe it wasn't a problem seeing as the shag carpets were quite plush beneath him. 

It was so warm here, but not hot...it smelled of cinnamon. 

"Okay, what do you think?" Steve turned around to spot Dustin sporting the blue button up and plaid suit, and _ yup _, Steve was right; it would look good on him. 

"It's perfect." Steve offered. Dustin beamed and he turned around disappearing into his room again coming back out with a black bow tie.

Steve was somewhat mesmerized by the fact Dustin knew how to tie a bow tie by himself. It was probably because Dustin was so smart. 

  
  


"Okay take off your jacket, we don't want to ruin it with the spray." Steve commanded, looking around for his paper bag, _ right _ he'd left it in Dustin's room. He went into the room and picked it up. Pulling out the Farrah Fawcett spray and shaking it for good measure. 

"Okay come here." Dustin bundled over and stood before Steve. Yeah his hair was _ significantly _ curlier compared to Steve's own. It would be a little difficult but...Steve could manage. Steve ran his fingers through Dustin's mop, and surprisingly his fingers did not get caught.. okay he could work with this. 

He pulled out his comb and started running it through his hair, spraying as he went. 

"You excited?" Steve asked.

"Yeah…" 

"You don't sound terribly excited." Steve observed, Dustin looked down at his hands. 

"Hey man what's wrong?" 

"What if they don't want to dance with me?" He whispered so softly.

"No...why wouldn't they?" Steve whispered back, who wouldn't want to dance with Dustin? He was an _ awesome _kid. 

"Steeevee...I'm a nerd," he turned to meet Steve's eyeline, "girls don't like me." He deadpanned. And it sucked...but he was right…

Girls could be incredibly cruel when they wanted to be…Steve would know…

"Well look. I'll tell you how to act okay. Just pretend you don't care. All the girls will want to dance with you!" Steve offered with a small smile. To be honest...Steve didn't have a guarantee here that, that alone would work...but it was worth a try. Dustin didn't smile back right away but he did nod. That was a plus. 

Steve let him turn back forward to continue working with his hair, it was much harder to manage than Steve's own, but it was coming along, he had managed to get one side nicely smoothed down.

The other side was easier to manage, his hair was starting to dry and it was getting more difficult to handle. 

"Okay...I think we're good…" Steve mumbled, sucking in his lips in concentration, as he manhandled a few stragglers into position. 

"Okay, go on, take a look!" Steve gently pushed Dustin towards a mirror. 

It wasn't his best work, but it was pretty decent, and Dustin looked good when he slipped his jacket back on. 

He got into a strange pose and did finger guns at Steve, "TADA!" Steve rolled his eyes in response. 

"Very nice," he looked over at the holiday themed clock, "but we really should be going, we're cutting it a little close, we'll probably be late but hey" he turned to Dustin with a smile, "all the cool kids arrive late." 

Dustin beamed back, his mood was lifting. 

Steve pulled out his keys again and left the spray on Dustin's counter. He had bought this fresh new bottle just for Dustin. 

He left and when Dustin happily jumped shotgun he surprisingly didn't put his feet up on the dashboard. 

Small mercies. 

When they pulled up it didn't matter anymore, Dustin's face had gotten strained again. 

"Okay." Steve pulled his car to a stop noticing the bright lights and Jonathan taking pictures. He couldn't see anyone else from the party but he was sure they had to be someone inside. There was no way in hell Mike would pass up the opportunity to show off Eleven. 

Oh, he hoped Will managed to make it to the party.

"All right, buddy, here we are. So, remember, once you get in there" he drifted off eyeing the younger preteens entering the building. 

"Pretend like I don't care." Dustin finished 

"You don't care." Steve nodded.

"I don't care." Dustin eyed Steve widely, 

"There you go. You're learning, my friend." Dustin's eyes were suspiciously shiny looking, "You're learning." He finished off finally looking Dustin over. He looked absolutely terrified, especially with the way he let his hands drift up to his hair. 

"Hey." Steve called out. 

"What?" Dustin didn't even look at him. 

"Come on. You look great, okay?" He gestured to Dustin's outfit with a smile. "You look- You look great." He persisted at Dustin's scowl. 

"Okay? Now you're gonna go in there," 

"Yeah." Dustin replied nodding, although not looking convinced. 

"Looking like a million bucks." Steve pointed out

"Yeah." Dustin looked like he was finally starting to believe Steve. 

"And you're gonna slay 'em dead." He smiled down at the younger boy. 

"Like a lion." And to Steve's horror he purred...Steve didn't know what to do with _ that. _

"Yeah...Don't, don't do that, okay?" 

"Okay." Dustin sheepishly replied. 

Steve smiled awkwardly at him, gods he hoped someone wanted to dance with Dustin…

"Good luck." He told him as Dustin nodded getting out of the car with a nod.

Steve closed his eyes tightly and reopened them to watch the boy enter, _ please let someone dance with him…he deserved a fun night. _

Steve ducked his head to watch Dustin get inside. He couldn't see him anymore but he closed his eyes and let his head lean back into his head rest. 

He closed his eyes tight and breathed deeply. When he finally did open his eyes they landed on the familiar car of Jonathan Byers...right...Nancy was here. 

Steve took in a deep breath and looked at that small window he could see the dance through. By some miracle Nancy walked right by with a beautiful dress on. 

_ Bullshit. _

Steve shook his head; he needed to leave. He needed out. 

He could see the Chief's truck parked a ways. 

He didn't want to be here anymore. 

  
  


He didn't want to go home either…

Steve looked out at the dark sky before him. 

_ The Quarry _. 

That's where he wanted to go...it was quiet and...maybe Steve wanted to be alone.

In fact laying down and staring up at the sky sounded nice, not to think but to just not exist for a bit. 

He started driving. 

  
  


When he finally pulled up to the edge of the treeline he suddenly had an irrational fear shoot up his veins. For a moment he thinks he can see dark dog like shapes crawling out of the shadows. He shakes his head and let's his forehead rest on his steering wheel. The woods will never feel safe again after what he'd seen. 

He ponders for a moment if he should just go back to his home for the night...he doesn't want to. Not after seeing the warmth of Dustin's home...he hated how jealous he was. 

Steve sighed and got out of his car, letting the cold smack into his bones, it felt nice almost. Maybe he had a fever.

Steve didn't take the path through the quarry, instead walking through the woods and he thinks he should have grabbed the nail studded bat. 

Walking through the woods is an odd mix of terrifying and familiar, Steve had ran through these woods more times than he could count, following the back side of a freckled friend. 

Now the woods weren't filled with wonderment, but death traps, roots too high above the ground primed to trip you, moss too slick to keep traction, trees so wide they could hide monsters behind them. 

What an awful place. 

Steve continued walking. 

He can see the cliff ahead, the break of the treeline and he notices another dark figure sitting on the edge, a light by their lips and smoke filtering through the air. 

Steve paused, it was Hargrove. 

He should leave…

Steve stepped out of the woods and met sharp blue. 

"Harrington?" He offered with a raised eyebrow, the cut had scarred.

"Hey." Steve offered lamely. He looked the other boy over and he looked...tired, exhausted really. His eyes had bags underneath them, and he had a new cut on his cheekbone. He looked how Steve felt. 

Steve looked down at the frosted grass beneath him. 

He didn't remember flopping on the floor, but one moment he was looking at the ground, and the next he was staring at the speckled sky above. 

There was silence again and all Steve could smell was Hargrove's smoke. It was nice. 

The cold was sinking into his back and through his thin sweater, but he didnt care, he didn't care that goosebumps were spreading through his arms. 

He just wanted to _ not _ any more, to just... _ stop _ for a moment. 

He heard Hargrove get up from the edge. 

"What are you doing princess?" He heard Billy suck in smoke as he walked closer to Steve's head. Steve didn't even mind the insult.

"Nothing." 

"Nothing?" 

"Yeah." Billy was in his eyesight now, he took in another breath and spewed the smoke down at Steve. 

Steve closed his eyes. He heard Billy humm and he thought that would be the end of it, but then Billy laid down next to Steve. 

Steve couldn't help but do a double take at the sight of Billy Hargrove laying down an arms length next to him. 

"What are you doing here?" Steve whispered into the cold air; afraid of breaking the silence and consequently the peace. 

He didn't expect Hargrove to answer. 

"Escaping." Was the gruff reply, and more smoke rose into the air. 

Steve didn't bother replying instead looking back towards the sky, his own breath looking like smoke in the night air. 

Maybe Steve was escaping too. 

"You remember your birth parents?" Steve blinked at the question. He turned his head to look at the other boy to see him still casually smoking, one arm under his head as a cushion, and his legs crossed. His leather jacket probably wasn't doing much against the cold, but for the first time ever his shirt was _ actually _ buttoned up. He looked so much more relaxed compared to Steve, as if he was born to lay in the middle of nowhere. 

Steve thought on it for a moment, letting his eyes travel back to the sky. 

"I like to think I do..." he whispered his secret into the air. He closed his eyes and thought back to when he was a child and imagined a kind woman with a bright smile.

"maybe they have my same eyes...or-" 

"Probably have that same stupid face." Hargrove interrupted. 

Steve couldn't help the peal of laughter bubbling up. It was _ such _ a Hargrove thing to do. 

"Yeah probably." He replied back. 

They fell back into silence and Steve smiles softly as he closes his eyes picturing what his birth parents must be like. His mom with soft kind eyes the same shade of brown that Steve sported. Maybe she had his same wavy hair and she managed to tame it just as well as Steve had. Maybe she had straight hair and his father had the curls. Maybe his dad was where he got his height from, a mass of a man like Hopper, but kinder, someone who just smiled a lot and read the paper. Maybe they would love him...Realistically speaking they didn't or else he wouldn't be here. 

How fitting...Steve Harrington, not wanted by his birth parents, adopted parents, or even his girlfriend. 

That was Steve all right...the disappointment, the investment, the failure, _ the unwanted. _

"You're lucky you're not really a Harrington." Steve opened his eyes to look back up at the sky, he didn't want to interrupt whatever this peace treaty they had going. He had a feeling if he said anything Hargrove would vanish without a trace before his eyes. 

  
  


"You're not half of that monster." He growled out and Steve saw in the corner of his eye Hargrove flick the spent cigarette on the floor next to him. The silence now felt deafening. 

"You're not really tied to them in the end." Billy finally turned to look at Steve and Steve forgot to breathe for a moment.

"Maybe I'm not tied to anyone..." he divulged truthfully. 

Hargrove blinked in response and turned his head back up towards the sky and Steve did the same. 

Billy then got up, they didn't talk as he stamped out the cigarette he had thrown, nor did they exchange farewells when he walked down the path leaving Steve to stew in his own thoughts. 

He didn't know how long he laid there but eventually his breath no longer looked like smoke in the air and his fingers shook without his control. 

Dustin's mom was going to pick Dustin up after the dance...Steve was free to head home. 

_ Home… _

_ What bullshit. _

Steve went back to the Harrington household. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it! Let me know what you think or your thoughts. 
> 
> Again I'm trying to make sure this progression of a relationship feels as real to their characters as possible, so it's taking some time. I'm just hoping to all hope I'm not writing them ooc. 
> 
> And be prepared next chapter gets back into the craziness.
> 
> Again please comment, its honestly the only thing keeping me updating. 
> 
> Thanks again for reading! 
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed it!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Thank you again for everyone who commented! They honestly again are the only thing keeping me updating, I read every comment and that's why my updates have been able to appear so quickly, you all are the only thing keeping me writing, so please comment, please tell me what you think!
> 
> And thank you everyone again for the kind words and wishes and I hope you enjoy this next chapter.

That night Steve dreamt, he dreamt of soft chirps and green light.

He dreamt of a dark abyss. 

When Steve collapsed onto his bed, with his shoes still on and sweater still soaked he fell.

_ And fell. _

_ And fell. _

Darkness wasn't new to exhaustion, sometimes Steve dreamt in black ink, darkness surrounding him noises of creaks and shudders, black images dancing across the vast emptiness around him. 

Nothing discernible to his eyes other than knowing there was movement happening, only he couldn't tell the shapes of said movement. 

This dream had started this way...slipping into a shadowy cloud and falling further into this water like consciousness.

His feet met water, and for the first time ever Steve could remember what he did to reach the familiar void he had learned to find comfort in. 

He hadn't seen it in a while, and for some reason Steve wanted the reassurance of it. 

It was like coming home, he liked that idea. His own house didn't feel like home anymore.  _ It was just a storage unit collecting dust.  _

The area was empty, so so empty, no red in the distance, and no squealing of something alive. 

Just Steve and...bird chirps? 

  
  


_ Yes...definitely bird chirps.  _

There was a song ringing through Steve's head, bouncing throughout his brain gaining speed in reverberations until it became a cacophony of sound. 

He could taste blood as his head stung from the resonation. 

It was a bird's song, something high pitched and epheral with the way it was vibrating through his chest and mind. Steve couldn't see, as if his eyes were covered with black paint, no amount of rubbing on them seemed to clear it up. 

His head hurt.

_ It hurt. _

_ It hurt so much.  _

  
  
  


_ It hurt! It hurt! Stop!  _

_ ' _ ** _Shut up!'_ **

Steve could hear his own voice resound out of him like a shock wave, and with it a green light. Almost like a flare flying high in the sky above him, letting him actually see. 

He was in the middle of a spiderweb.

There was green thread spread around him all loose into the water below and he realized...connected to nothing despite the precarious pattern. 

It was then he noticed the bird had stopped making noise. 

In fact he was in complete silence. He felt a vibration shimmer through on of the threads, Steve couldn't help but lay a hand out to feel the vibration of something struggling. 

He let his eyes slowly travel out towards the thread and his breath froze in his lungs. 

_ It was the bird. _

Its leg was caught by said thread, and it was struggling to get free but any moment it seemed to get free the string would latch back on. 

Steve watched the poor thing struggle as the thread acted alive, just like the red he had seen before, whipping back up and relatching itself to the unfortunate creature. 

_ Oh gods...he had to help it! _

He reached forward and when he stood up the web around him came with. In fact it draped around him as if it was a long dress or like that girl Rapunzel his kindergarten liked to read about. 

Steve ignored the green twine he was clearly caught in, not finding it difficult to walk. He stepped closer and closer to the struggling bird, but the closer Steve got the slower the bird got until the creature stopped.

It turned its head slowly to Steve and its brown beady eyes were now alight with green. 

Steve didn't know why he had the urge to apologize. 

He reached forward and the bird stayed perfectly still, he plucked at the string and the vibration ricocheted through the bird's body causing it to ruffle its feathers. 

"It's going to be okay," Steve whispered and his voice came out garbled as if underwater, "I promise...I'll get you out of here." His voice also caused ripples through the thread, and also the water below his feet, as if they were tangible; pushing the space around it to make room for his demands. 

He watched the bird slowly blink at him and that's when he saw it: the thread. 

The line was not only tangled around the birds leg but all the way around the bird's beak, keeping it firmly shut. 

"Wha…" Steve breathed out and the vibrations bounced through the line and when it reached the birds beak he watched the words force their way out of the bird. 

_ Chirp _ … repeated back to him.

Like an echo. 

  
  


Steve felt cold impossibly cold and his head was ringing still. There was blood pouring out of his nose now, a steady stream and Steve felt like his brain was splitting open. 

His skin felt impossibly cold, he could feel goosebumps rising along his arms, legs, and back and yet his blood suddenly felt ignited. 

_ Where was the thread coming from? _

Steve let his eyes travel from the bird down the line, slowly and slowly getting closer and closer to him and-  _ oh...oh no… _

** _It was coming from _ ** ** _him._ **

_ No. No. No no no no no no no. _

The thread was extracted from his chest and when Steve tugged he felt the pull deep in his chest, his heart thumping. 

_ No, this was a nightmare! This wasn't real!  _

_ It-it was just Bullshit! _

Steve ripped at the thread and it wouldn't give, the other threads slinking back to their home inside his chest. 

_ No! _

Steve's blood was overheating and his head was pulsing with panic. His hands working frantically to stop all the threads sluggishly trying to slip into his skin,  _ this was wrong!  _

The one thread attached to the bird staying strong, no matter how hard Steve tugged the line only cut through his palms, slicing them open, and  _ it hurt!  _

Each tug stung, and the bird was starting to shake the thread free, all the while a tumult of Steve's own words were bouncing along unseen walls. 

Steve could feel his own voice through his body, as if it was coming from a speaker so loud it vibrated through his  _ bones. _

Just ' _ shut up'  _ over and over and over and over and over again. 

_ He couldn't make it stop.  _

  
  


Steve thrashed and his arms were seizing from the pain rippling down his spine from his mind. He wasn't giving up, his palms were slashed to bits but he still tugged and with a sickening pop the thread snapped and- 

  
  


Steve smacked out of bed bile rising out of his throat. 

His skin was burning from the inside out and when Steve puked on the floor there was no food there. The lights weren't on and Steve could only see the dark patch on the floor but it didn't matter that he couldn't see what was the dark patch he had violently upended. 

No...he knew what it was, the iron twang in his senses told him as much. There was still blood dribbling down his nostrils and it was both this time. 

Steve's mind was on fire,  _ it hurt. _ His ears still ringing with the words ' _ shut up'  _ and a pop. 

There was fire in his lungs and Steve felt like his veins itched. He could feel more blood dripping down the back of his throat and he coughed more of it out, letting it join all the other black stains his blood had created. 

_ He needed to cool down! _

Steve stumbled out of his bed and his legs jimmied for a moment shaking rapidly as he attempted to stand. He collapsed onto the floor and he realized there were tears running down his face  _ and he couldn't breathe.  _

He choked on more blood as he tried to clear his airways. 

He managed to scramble his way up, staggering into his bathroom and without turning on the light he was in the bathroom with ice cold water pouring over his head.

His veins still pumping with lava inside his own body, he shivered with ease as his body finally was starting to cool down. 

He spat out more blood into the water tiled floor and he watched it get washed away.

Steve blinked out more tears and felt a silent sob rack it's way through him.

He pressed the palm of his hands against his eyes, still picturing a small bird silenced by a green thread. 

  
  


His mind conjuring the image of a green web around him, mixing into the red he had witnessed latching onto the Demodogs below him. 

His brain had to be broken... _ it had to be _ .

_ He needed help...he needed to go to the smartest person he knew.  _

Steve shivered when the cold finally caught up to him, making him have to turn the dial to bring on hot water, steam finally starting to rise up into the air. 

Nancy was who he needed to see...she knew about the upside down, and she was level headed...she'd know... _ she'd know… _

She'd know if Steve was just sick in the mind of if this was something ... _ something else. _

  
  


Steve felt like he was having deja vu when he started to pull off his shoes and soaked clothing from his skin in the shower, his head still ringing and blood washing off his skin. 

How long had it been since that night?

  
  


Steve spat out more blood and finally felt like the burning inside him was tamed. 

* * *

Getting out of the shower was a lot harder suddenly because with absolute terror Steve realized his hands were physically slashed up just as bad as they had been in his dream…

He had to have hurt them when he was coming home from the Snowball dance... _ but he couldn't remember! _

That was the most terrifying part, the emptiness when he tried to recall what could have possibly happened to him. They were a touch deep but nothing impossible to handle, but it was clear they were made with a metal twine that had been sharp enough to cut through his skin. 

_ It couldn't have been the dream _ .

His go to was to grab his first aid kit only to find it wasn't where it was supposed to be. He spent almost 10 minutes trying to figure out where he could have possibly put it when he remembered Hargrove had taken it into the guest bathroom. 

From there it was a blur. Peeling off the damp paper towels to put on terribly placed bandages was difficult seeing as both palms were injured. But he made do by pulling on winter mittens. 

They burned, and ached, and thumped with his heartbeat but it was the least of his problems. 

Top one on his priority was the fact his vision was just blurred now, no amount of rubbing seemed to clear it up. His head hurt and he was shivering nonstop, he was finally feeling the cold weather Indiana was known for. 

He didn't remember doing it, but at one point he had managed to get dressed, seeing as he was now in 3 shirts and 2 pairs of sweats, along with his vest and a scarf. He didn't even notice his rapidly curling hair not being styled as he coughed his way out of the house. 

He had shut his door and reached his car before he realized he hadn't grabbed his keys.

Steve practically screamed. 

He turned around heading back towards the house with another loud cough when a chirp responded. 

Steve froze, looking up from the ground to see the small brown bird dead eyed looking back at him from his porch. Steve could see a green thread tying them together, just like his dream. 

Steve didn't feel well. 

But...he had an idea…

_ 'Jump' _

The bird hopped in place, blood started to fall from Steve's nose. Steve shook his head this was fake this was all fake. 

Steve closed his eyes tight and shook his head, reopening them to see nothing there. 

He needed to get to Nance. 

Stumbling back inside to get his keys Steve was finally off. 

It was pretty concerning that when Steve parked his car he realized he didn't remember the drive over, and when he tripped his way up to the Wheelers' house it dawned on him that maybe he shouldn't be doing this at this time. 

_ What time was it anyways?  _

He knocked anyways, the pain reaching through his hands. He winced in response but no one was coming to the door, he  _ couldn't  _ have that, he needed help! 

Steve banged on the door now, trying to replicate that authoritative knock Hopper used on his own door a while back. 

He was being so loud he didn't hear the sounds of someone getting closer from the other side. 

Steve kept banging but then his arm fell completely through as the door was ripped open. Steve's bleary eyes raised to meet Mrs. Wheeler. 

"What on Ea- Steve? Honey?" She was retying her robe up and looked Steve up and down with a frown, "are you alright? What are you doing here at four in the morning?" 

_ Oh...so that was the time… _

Steve shook his head trying to formulate a cohesive thought. 

"Uhn...Is..mmm-Nance?" Was what he managed. Mrs. Wheeler's eyebrows shot up in response. 

"Steve...you don't look well, is everything okay? You can talk to me-" she reached an arm to land on his shoulder and all Steve could see was the green web surrounding his body. 

He jumped away from her with wide eyes and a panicked breath. 

"I ju- uhnnNance, I need to-" Mrs. Wheeler looked thoroughly freaked. 

"Steve come inside, please." Steve looked back around at the house...he didn't  _ want _ to go inside actually. He...he hated how jealous he was of this house. 

_ Was this a bad idea? _

Steve unconsciously clenched his fists and twitched from the pain... _ no...no Nancy could help.  _

Steve nodded and wobbled inside the warm house. He shivered again and found himself collapsing at their dinner table without a word. 

"Why don't I get you a warm drink, huhn?" Steve shook his head, he was terrified of reigniting the fire inside him that had woken him up this morning. No...no…

Steve looked to the corner of his eye where he could just barely see the family room, there was a Christmas tree up. 

He couldn't contain the desire to topple the whole damn thing over. 

"I'll go get Nance okay?"  _ Finally. _ Mrs. Wheeler walked up the steps to Nancy's room with only three glances back. Steve considered that a win. 

He could hear a door open and a soft mumble of a conversation. 

Steve shivered again as he tried to warm up, his gloved hands stinging as he laid them on the table.  _ Gods he was exhausted.  _

"Steve?"  _ Oh...finally, Nance was here...she'd make it better.  _

"Nance!" He tried to stand up but suddenly his ex girlfriend's small hands delicately pushed him back down. 

She looked exhausted... _ right...she had probably stayed up late due to the snowball dance.  _

"Steve you're bleeding." She stated with furrowed eyebrows in concern, Steve raised a shaking hand to his nose and felt the warm blood that had fallen. 

"Nance you gotta lis-" she raised a hand to his forehead and hissed, "Steve you're burning up!" 

She turned around was leaving and Steve hadn't even told her. 

"Nancy! Come back it's..the upside down!" She paused with a thermometer in her hand at Steve's desperate plea. 

"What about it?" She hissed back clearly trying to bring the volume down. Steve could hear more mumbling from upstairs. 

"Nancy! You gotta help me." He whispered clutching her hand when she pressed the thermometer into his mouth. 

"Steve...you've got a fever...I'm gonna call Hop." 

"No!" Steve spat out the thermometer. "Please don't...ju-just please you gotta listen to me." He cried, and there was Mike behind her looking annoyed. 

"What's going on?" He groaned, his eyes unkind when they glazed over Steve. 

"Mike...go get the phone." She commanded and Mike huffed in response with crossed arms. "Go! Mike!" He finally turned. 

Steve shook his head. 

"Nancy. I think something's wrong." She finally looked back down at him. 

"What do you mean?" 

"It's...uhhnnn.." he whined when she grabbed his hands placing them back in his lap, "there's a string, it's- web!" He wasn't making sense. 

"Here. What's wrong with him?" Mike offered holding the phone out, the cord trailing behind him. Steve coughed and there was still blood in his lungs. 

Both jumped back as blood dripped down from his lips. 

"Get mom." He couldn't tell who had commanded who but Mike was running up the steps. 

"Steve listen to me, you're sick...I need you to tell me what happened?" She offered gently and Steve doesn't know how to say it. 

"I caught a bird." He whispered and Nancy shook her head in confusion. 

"What do you mean?" 

"There's a web around me Nancy...I think...I think I caused it." Nancy kept shaking her head. 

"Steve you're hallucinating." Was he hallucinating? Was that all it was? 

"No! No...it was before this." Steve mildly gestured to himself to mean the sickness that had settled in his skin. 

"When did it start then?" Nancy asked softly. 

"That night." Steve whispered out reverently. That night...it had started all that night. 

"The night- you got- Billy?" She offered and Steve nodded, she licked her lips in thought and bit her cheek. 

"Steve it's just your concussion." She was right...it had all started that night…

Mrs. Wheeler was on the phone with Mike beside her. ' _ Just a couple minutes ago…'  _

_ 'Yes...please hurry.' _

  
  


"Your head is confused because your sick and you still are dealing with a concussion." Nancy explained and Steve slowly nodded. Nancy was right...he...he had just made it all up in his head. 

_ Hadn't he? _

Steve blearily blinked and Mrs. Wheeler was having mike grab blankets. 

Steve tried to think back but it hurt. His head hurt. 

He shook his head and Nancy said something to her mom. 

Steve wished he had a mom. 

He could recall it...the first time he had reached the dark place in his mind. Hargrove had smashed something over his head and Steve had blacked out...was that all it was? Just his brain lying to him. 

Steve could hear more commotion as Nancy was tugging blankets around him. 

* * *

Steve didn't recall closing his eyes but he did remember opening them. 

"Hi darling…" Steve turned his head to see Joyce next to him...he gave a cursory glance around and too his embarrassment realized he was laying in Jonathan's bed. 

"Wha" 

"Shhshh… you had a 101 fever…seems you got the flu.." Joyce gently reached forward and caressed his forehead. Steve didn't understand, he had so many questions but suddenly they all caught in his thought when Joyce hummed and pet his hair back. 

He hadn't realized he had started crying. Was this what having a mom felt like? 

"Oh darling...it's okay, I'll go get you some medicine." Steve half heartedly lifted a hand to stop her but she was already leaving. She wasn't his mom, steve held no right to her. 

He arm dropped to his side and his hands were bandaged up. 

"You did a right number on yourself kid." Steve's stomach plummeted at the sound of a familiar gruff voice. Steve refused to meet Hopper's eyes, instead keeping his head bowed in misery and shame. 

He could hear him taking a few lumbering steps forward. 

"I know, you know I've been trying to get a hold of you." Steve nodded stiffly still not looking up at the giant of a man, not even when he groaned as he sat down at the foot of the bed. 

"Son…" he took a tired sigh, "where are your parents?" Steve shrugged. 

"Th-they came back for a bit, but there was a work emergency s-so...they umm...had to leave again for the holidays…" Steve lied, it was a practiced lie, one he told almost anyone who asked where his parents were for the holidays. 

_ 'Repeat after me! "My parents were here but a work emergency came up and they had to leave!" Do you understand. Do not! Ever! Tell anyone that you've been left alone again! Or so-'  _

The lie felt like led in Steve's mouth. 

He heard Hopper take in an exasperated breath. 

"You know a lot of people are worrying about you." Steve nodded numbly. 

"I'm sorry...I- I didn't realize how cold it was…" he drifted off. 

"We figured as much when Henderson confirmed you were barely dressed for winter yesterday." Steve shivered...he was right Dustin had been talking to Hopper. 

"Look kid…" he could hear Hopper groan out as he tried to find the words he wanted to use, "look at me." 

Steve didn't even have a thought of disobeying the command, following it and meeting the tired eyes of the Chief.

"You gotta talk to me kid." He huffed, he was in uniform and he looked absolutely exhausted... _ it was his fault...he was the idiot who had banged on the Wheeler's door at four in the morning.  _

Steve nodded again, letting his eyes fall back down at the bed. He heard another sigh. 

"Look..I-" Hopper made a pained noise, "if you were having trouble with-" he took a sharp breath in and then released it as if calming himself down. 

"Son," Steve shivered at being called that. "I told you to call me" the  _ if you were having trouble  _ went unsaid. 

Steve didn't nod this time only staring down at his bandaged hands. 

"Well...I don't know much about the medical field, but I do know that sometimes when you get knocked on the head and have a bad fever you can hallucinate." Steve slowly lifted his eyes up to see Hopper scratch at his mustache. 

"I heard from Henderson about your stint about seeing red, and Nancy Wheeler confirmed you had mentioned seeing a web...or a bird?" He shook his head, "either way...it seems you've been.." he looked up at the ceiling as if trying to find the right word, "dealing with some things." 

He finally looked back at Steve with a steady gaze and Steve couldn't handle how fucking concerned he looked, it made him ache deep down inside. 

"Don't worry kid...Joyce will fix you right up and.." he sighed softly, "I think it'll be best if you stay with me for a bit." Steve snapped to attention there. 

"No! No, no, Chief, I'm okay! I swear!" He pleaded, a sudden irrational fear sinking into his bones, a nightmare still on the forefront of his mind of a floating girl with slicked hair blacked out eyes and blood running from her nose. 

"Harrington! You've got the flu, and clearly were hallucinating from a terrible brain injury, which we still don't know if that has permanent effects on you." Steve froze at those words...the doctors had said...they had said he would be fine…

"What?" Steve breathed. Hopper huffed and scrubbed at his face. 

"Look kid...I've seen men knock their heads less than you did and they're still messed up from it." Steve slowly blinked at that knowledge. 

"Hell I've seen men take less of a beating and not wake up ever again. And judging by the way you were acting that night, your brain was clearly knocked out of place." 

_ Oh...oh gods… _

_ He really had been hallucinating the whole time…. _

Steve felt absolutely mortified. 

"You'll be here until we can get that fever down to a low grade fever, and I'll be taking back to my cabin, seeing as you clearly don't have someone at home helping you." Steve didn't react when Hopper stood up and head out of the room with a small tip of his chin. 

He could hear Joyce and him talking muffledly. 

_ He really had made it all up… _

His eyes slowly rose to the window in Jonathan’s room, he could see the woods and the darkness out there and felt sick. 

“Hi Steve, I brought you some medicine.” Steve looked up to meet Joyce’s eyeline. She looked surprisingly less tired than when he had last seen her. Her smile was kind but...sad, so very sad, it didn’t reach her eyes at all. 

“How you doing?” she offered as she placed two small pills in his palm and a glass of water. Steve shrugged, what could he say? His whole world was unravelling around him, he couldn’t trust anything his own head was thinking.  _ He couldn’t trust himself. _

It was a terrifying thought. 

He took his pills and ignored the sinking sensation of dread. 

“I also wanted to thank you for the fridge Steven.” Steve snapped up looking at Joyce in surprise. 

“What?” 

“The Fridge…” She quirked one side of her mouth and handed Steve a piece of toast he knew he wasn’t going to be able to eat. “It was obviously you Steven, I don’t think any of those kids have enough money to afford a new fridge.” She made sure to keep eye contact and it was dangerous, Steve felt exposed and open and oh so dangerously brittle in front of Joyce. 

He felt like the whole world was crumbling around him and crushing him slowly. 

“I-...” 

“It’s okay Steven, I’m not mad, but please don’t waste your money on something like that, we could have handled it on our own.” Steve  _ knew that!  _ He didn’t want it to sound like some charity from some asshole rich kid. Steve nodded, just like he always did, just nodded in response. 

He took a small bite out of the toast was the room descended into an awkward silence, the toast tasted like dirt in Steve’s mouth, but it had nothing to do with Joyce’s ability in food. 

She smiled and lightly patted his knee and left and shut the door on her way out.

Steve finally broke out into sobs.

* * *

The thing about Hopper’s cabin was that it was in the middle of nowhere. 

Which meant woods, which meant Steve was getting achingly flinchy. It also didn’t help that Steve’s fever finally broke at around six, which meant the sun had gone down dramatically. 

All of this led to Steve being put in Hopper’s truck (Being carried bridal style and  _ if that wasn’t embarrassing he didn’t know what was) _ and driving into the darkness surrounded by woods. 

Steve wasn’t half convinced that the shadows he saw in the corner of his eyes weren’t monsters waiting for him to slip up. 

The worst part of it all was that Steve was heading towards that girl Eleven. 

After all this time, Steve could not explain why he felt the way he did about her, it was irrational and quite honestly out of place, she was twelve, or thirteen- Steve wasn’t too sure…

But besides that he had only seen her in action once, and that was when she had saved their asses at the Byer’s house. But something about her had triggered a fear in Steve’s mind. 

Beyond that, he had had nightmares of her throwing her arm out at him, locking him back in his cage, his house morphing into the Upside Down and Barb holding him back with screams of ‘You killed me!’

He was petrified of her, and he had no reason for why. 

Of course Hopper didn’t know and he clearly didn’t care for Steve’s excuses so he pulled Steve into his cabin and pushed him onto his beat up couch without a say. Steve bundled up his blanket around him and he heard a small creak to his left. 

He didn’t dare turn, but he could hear her walking closer. 

“Hurt?” Came a soft girl’s voice and he heard Hopper sigh in response. 

“Yeah kid, he’s real sick, so we’ll be looking over him for a bit.” he didn’t look up, his heart was pounding as if he was back in the junkyard with a bat in his hand and his feet trying to hold back a monster from killing children. 

“Eggos?”

“I don’t think that’s a great idea kiddo, He’s gonna need something healthier.” He heard the sound of socked feet walking closer to Steve and Steve shut his eyes shut, he could see her in his mind’s eye floating with slicked hair and blacked eyes. 

“Hi.” came a soft high pitched voice and Steve sucked in a breath and choked. Steve started to shake as his heart thumped rapidly. He slowly opened his eyes as he felt the couch move next to him. 

“Scared?” Steve almost screamed when a small hand landed on his arm and he jumped away whipping around to stare at the small girl. She looked just as surprised at his rapid movement as he felt. 

“Wha…” Steve was trying to get his breathing down but he finally looked at the other girl. She looked different from what he remembered. For one, her hair was much longer, and her eyes weren’t blacked out so much as they were wide. 

In fact...she reminded him of Dustin a bit, with the way she gazed at him with utter curiosity and concern. She was in an old oversized Hawkin’s Police shirt and long pajama pants. Her eyebrows were furrowed and she had her hand raised as if it was still rested on Steve’s arm. 

“Hey kid why don’t you leave him alone, he’s not feeling good.” Steve looked over to Hopper making ready make meals and then turning back to Eleven next to him. Her eyebrows furrowed even further almost into a glare and she slowly stood up. 

“Sick.” She stated. 

“That’s right, he is sick.” Hopper called out from the kitchen area. Steve stayed absolutely frozen in his spot. 

She looked deep into Steve’s eyes and he felt like his whole life was being laid bare in front of him. 

“Cold?” She asked Steve and... _ what? _

“Papa?” She whispered and Steve was  _ really _ lost now. 

“Hey El! Come help me out for a sec.” Steve watched as she turned around and bundled over to her new father. Steve let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. 

He watched her move about all careful and gentle and he wondered for a moment why he had ever felt scared of her and yet; he still felt a fear in his bones. 

Hopper came in with a microwaved meal and handed off a small bowl of oatmeal to Steve. 

“When you finish that up, I have some medicine for you and then you can get some sleep.” He commanded and he sat down in a recliner to the side. Eleven had sat crossed legged on the floor next to him. 

Steve didn’t look at the TV when Hopper turned it on, instead keeping his eyes on the Dad and Daughter…

_ That could have been him... _ he let his eyes drift down back to his oatmeal and started to eat it, purposely ignoring everything else around him.

_ Why out of all the potential parents in the world, did he end up with the ones he got. It didn’t seem fair.  _

The rest of the night was a blur, one moment he was eating his oatmeal and the next he was being tucked into the couch by Hopper and it was terribly embarrassing for both of them. 

But it was nice and he for one didn’t actually have a nightmare, instead seeing a large door opening and hearing a soft click of heels on concrete, and The Harringtons appearing. 

He dreamt of the cold and he dreamt of the blue folder being handed off. 

He dreamt of a Red Web slowly spindling around Hawkins, and he dreamt of rats screaming. 

And last of all he dreamt of a small green light with a bird’s chirp. 

* * *

The next morning Steve woke to have large brown eyes staring at him from the recliner. If that didn’t make him feel utterly distubred, he didn’t know what did. 

The worst of it all was that Hopper was gone. 

“Jim’s at Station- work.” She offered and she still was staring, Steve ducked his head down with a nod. He surprisingly felt okay, besides his cough, but any improvement in health felt nonexistent when he was locked in a small cabin to a small nightmare of his. 

“Scared.” She stated outloud and tilted her head and Steve just shrugged looking over to the TV. 

“D-” Steve coughed roughly, “Don’t you want to watch cartoons...or...or something?” Steve cleared his throat awkwardly but Eleven slowly shook her head. 

“You…” She seemed to pause as if she couldn’t find the words yet, “Papa?” She asked. 

Steve shivered. 

“What?” 

“Bad Papa.” She pointed at Steve, Steve felt sick. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Steve whispered. She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. 

“Friends don’t lie.” She answered. Steve licked his lips. 

“Look...I...I think I’m going to go.” Steve answered, he ignored everything he was supposed to do and started to grab his shoes and pulling them on. He pulled them on and opened the door when a small hand tugged his sleeve back. 

Steve looked back with his heart thumping. 

“Red Web.” 

Steve ran out of the cabin. 

  
  


* * *

Walking back was absolutely awful, He was cold he was shivering and the woods were absolutely terrifying despite being in the early sunlight. He just kept walking though, for once he was thankful he had grown up in Hawkins, or else he sure as hell would be lost in these damned woods. 

He knew he had a couple miles before he could even reach the main road through Hawkins. From there he would have to decide whether it would be worth it to walk the long distance to the Wheelers to get his car, or to just book it down to his own house. 

He walked into the woods even further, thankfully knowing where to cut through the woods to get to the main road faster. 

He kept trudging through the woods thinking. 

Now, he was really confused, he had so much bouncing through his mind he needed to just sort through it all. 

First of all, he was pretty sure he had hallucinated it all, his brain blending the line between reality and his imagination. It did make sense, he was the only one who had seen the bird, as well as the red string, and the Flu did not help. There was a high chance Steve’s own mind was destroyed from that night…  _ permanently.  _

Which was a terrifying thought. 

But there was a small niggling in the back of his mind, the sound of a small little girl whispering two words Steve feared. 

Steve huffed out a deep breath and kept walking through the cold. 

Either way...this was going to be the last time Steve brought it up to anyone, not when he wasn’t entirely sure his own mind wasn’t tricking him. 

Next thing to think about was the new anger and jealousy Steve had suddenly found within himself. 

It wasn’t exactly new, Steve had always felt jealous during the holidays, jealous of families, and so so desperate for attention and some form of love...maybe that’s why he didn’t notice how much Nancy was pulling away from him. 

Steve shook his head to clear it up. 

He found himself almost hating everyone around him with such loving parents, why did they get to be so lucky when he had been given up with a big receipt with no returns and a blue folder. 

Along the way Steve’s brain turned to Billy Hargrove, how was it the only one who Steve seemed to understand was the one person who had once pulverized him into the ground. 

It was maddening. 

Steve had reached the main road when he finally started to sort through the last thing on his mind, his fear of Eleven. 

He reached into his pocket and realized he didn’t have his keys on him.

He groaned out loud and headed down the cold road towards his house. 

He knew Eleven had the ability to move things with her mind, but anything else than that? He didn’t know...but the way she had stared at him, the way she seemed to be able to pick apart his mind,the way she knew everything and the only thing keeping her from blurting everything out was her lack of diction. 

It was terrifying. Maybe that's why Steve was so scared of a small girl. 

He knew deep down inside that wasn’t why. 

When he really tried to break it down now that he had time, he could point it down to a single image that had seared itself in his nightmares. He with her slicked back hair and floating looking like a similar monster of the Upside Down.

In some weird way, Steve was just as scared of her as he was of the Demogorgon. Something about her made his skin crawl and a whisper of some language he didn’t understand in his ears. 

It made the back of his mind itched as if he was trying to remember something that was just barely out of his grasp. 

For some reason his mind flashed back to his earliest memory of his mother, he didn’t remember his father at first, no...he remembered waiting and hearing the clicking of his mother’s heels across concrete. 

By the time he had made it to his family household he was exhausted, he knew he was going to get in trouble with Hopper and probably Joyce as well. He had been so tired he had completely missed the expensive white Mercedes in the driveway. 

Steve knew he didn’t have his keys but luckily he knew the way through the back yard seeing as the glass door wasn’t locked. 

Steve groaned exhaustively and reached the wooden fence and reached over to unlock it from the outside, slipping inside and immediately slipping on the frozen ground beneath him. 

He had forgotten about the frozen backyard. 

Steve slowly pulled himself back upright with the wooden door and wobbled his way towards the glass door, thankful he had forgotten to lock the glass door to get back inside, the house was warm and Steve stomped his feet on the threshold to get rid of some of the snow and dirt that had stuck to them. 

“Hello Steven, we were wondering where you had gotten off too.” Steve frozen, feeling all his blood turn icy at the voice of his mother. He slowly raised his eyes to see his mother sitting at the kitchen table with a glass of wine in her hands. 

His parents were finally home….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thats it! Thank you so much for reading and boy am I so sorry, I struggled so hard on this chapter....  
it really got away from me for a bit there, and i think it shows, Rather than breaking this apart into 2 or 3 chapters I wanted to get it out in 1 so that it was a bit longer, but I'm terribly afraid it may have come out a bit boring. 
> 
> so please let me know what you think, again the only thing keeping me writing are those lovely comments you all put effort into, they always make my day, and I sometimes cry reading them. 
> 
> thank you for reading!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! WARNING ABUSE IN THIS CHAPTER!   
WARNING:  
I want to say it can be a bit rough, I wrote this from some of my own experiences with my abuser so It can be a pretty rough to get through. 
> 
> I wanted to make sure everyone understands. 
> 
> \----
> 
> Besides that thank you everyone who commented so so much! It was so amazing to read and see everyone's reaction to the chapters, and it really made my day!
> 
> Again thank you so much! Every comment makes me post faster!

Steve didn't know what to say as his mother took another sip of her wine. She looked perfectly poised in her nice blue dress and pearls. Her legs were crossed, and she was still wearing her heels. Steve had never seen her without heels on. 

She let her head tilt and Steve could hear his father thumping from upstairs. 

He swallowed the lump in his throat.

"I have to say...I don't much appreciate what you did to my couch." She offered looking as if this was the most boring thing in the world. 

Steve flinched when he heard another crash from upstairs. 

"And my poor painting." She then set her glass down with a click and let her legs uncross, standing up.

There was the familiar  _ click _ of her heels Steve was used to. 

She purposely stepped on a piece of glass from that vase Steve had always found absolutely revolting and the crunch was no longer satisfying. 

"Your father wants to have a talk with you Steven." She raised a perfectly golden eyebrow and Steve nodded. 

"I'm sorry Mom..I-" 

"That'll be enough." She airly picked her wine glass back up with another delicate sip. Steve never understood how she managed to have a light as air presence and yet leave so much weight to her words...and heels.

She looked down at the broken porcelain she was crushing, "it was a shame to come home to such a mess, honestly Steven, I thought we had raised you better." Her icy eyes lifted to meet Steve and he couldn't breathe. 

"Come here." She stated, and Steve nodded stiffly walking towards her small frame. She was tiny even in her heels and she had to look up to meet Steve's eyes but there was something about her that made Steve think she was a giant. 

"Have a sit Steven." She swung a hand delicately poised to the kitchen table. Steve did as he was told, she never raised her voice once. 

He could hear the  _ click, clack, click, clack _ of her heels coming closer. Steve licked his lips cautiously and couldn't help the cough rippling through his lungs. 

"Are you sick Steven?" Steve nodded numbly in reply.

"Hmm." He could see her getting closer in the corner of his eye, but he didn't dare turn towards her. 

"I suppose that makes sense, seeing as no one in their right mind would destroy such priceless items." Was her reply and Steve took a small shallow breath, feeling like he was shaking. There was more  _ clicks _ as she sat down at the seat she was sitting at before, her crystal wine glass still perfectly in hand. 

She lifted her grey eyes to Steve and he kept his head bowed. 

"But we both know you don't really have a good…" she looked over towards the stairs and Steve could hear his father stomping down, "brain do we Steven, you never were that bright." She smiled and raised an eyebrow at Steve and he nodded again. 

"Aw, Darling, Steven's home." She offered blandly and Steve could hear the huff of his father stalking up behind him. 

"I see that." Steve gulped, eyes frozen on the magnets on his fridge. 

Steve flinched as thick fingers starting running through his hair, almost lovingly petting. 

"Now Steven, you broke quite a few rules here." The hand stilled in Steve's hair. 

"Do you know what that means?" His mother took another sip of her wine and she slowly got up to refill it. 

Steve nodded just barely, no one would notice it if you weren't staring intently but Steve knew his father was. 

"That's good." Suddenly the fingers were tightened around his hair and Steve was on the floor being dragged. He howled out as his father started to drag him out of the kitchen by his hair. 

"I'm  _ sorry _ !  _ Please _ ! I didn-" 

"**Shut** **up**! You worthless piece of shit!" He purposely dragged Steve through the broken glass and Steve sobbed. 

"Do you know how much of a fucking let down you have been to me!" His father growled, dragging Steve down towards the Study and Steve was  _ scared.  _

He could barely see his mother watching bored from the kitchen, a fully filled wine glass in her hands. 

Steve was thrown onto the floor with all the papers in the Study and turned around looking up at his father. He crawled backwards until his back hit his Father's desk. 

His father took a deep breath and Steve couldn't stop the tears rolling down his face. 

"You know Steven, I don't understand why you constantly want me to be so disappointed in you." His father gruffly stated, going back to a normal volume. 

Steve's heart was thumping and he didn't dare move or speak, his father didn't want a reply, didn't want an answer. 

"We give you everything you want here," he father threw his thick arms out to display the house, "despite you being an absolute waste to us." His face was starting to get red and he bent down and grabbed Steve's jaw in his hand, squeezing hard and Steve was sure his jaw was creaking under the pressure. 

"You were to never enter in this room Steven." He stated so softly it was almost a whisper as he hunched over Steve. 

"But I guess you couldn't handle not following that simple rule." He shook Steve's head in his clasp. 

"So since you want so badly to be in here," Steve gulped and he could feel the bruising starting. 

"Let's stay here and have a chat." His voice turning more into a snarl the more he talked. 

"How about that Steven, that sound good?" His father moved his head up and down with his hand making Steve nod. 

"Good. I'm glad you agree." Steve was suddenly thrown down on top of the papers and the black smear Billy had pressed into the wood. Without warning his father was kneeling on top of him one knee pressed into Steve's chest and he started coughing. 

His father grabbed Steve's arms tight and squeezed hard, Steve couldn't scream as his bones ached from being crushed. The only sound coming out being half wheezes and coughs. 

"Now Steven, you're going to apologize to your mother for ruining all of her lovely furniture." He lifted his knee of Steve and shook him, causing him to smack into the ground repeatedly. 

"And then you're going to clean up this  **mess** " he reslammed Steve into the ground at mess and Steve whimpered out

" _ Please I'm-"  _ his teeth gnashed together as his father re-grabbed his jaw and shut him up. 

"To your mother Steven." He whispered, puppeteering Steve to nod again. Steve was still crying and his father scowled even deeper. 

It was then his mother walked into the room, the only way Steve knew was by the sound off her heels clicking against the wood flooring. She slowly came into view with her wine glass in hand. 

"It seems he also drank all my good wine." She stated to his father. 

"Is that right Steven?" His father asked, making Steve nod with his hand again. 

"Well is that so." His father snarled, "it seems he just liked your wine so much." His father took his blue eyes off Steve letting them rise up to his mother. 

His mother hummed and walked closer purposely stepping on Steve's hand, having her heel dig into Steve's cuts and he screamed, a knee was replaced on his chest cutting it short in a breathless gasp. 

"If you wanted a taste Steven I wish you would have come to me." His mother stated, her face impassively still. "Here." She tilted the wine glass over and the wine splashed down onto Steve's face. 

It fell up his nose and Steve choked, struggling for a moment as he couldn't breathe. His father got off him and with a swift movement made Steve stand up by dragging him up by his throat. 

His cold eyes landed on Steve's own brown and he narrowed his eyes as Steve choked with his father squeezing tight on his airway. 

"Apologize." He ordered and let go as Steve doubled over with a cough and wine falling from his hair and lips.

He shook as he kept his head bowed, "I'm sorry mother." He whispered. His head was cracked back as his father tugged his hair back. 

His mother's grey eyes met his own and she blinked slowly with an empty wine glass in her hand. 

"I suppose it can't be helped with how addled you are." She offered, and Steve shivered as his father let go of his hair. 

"Clean this up Steven." His father instructed. Steve nodded in reply and his father turned back to his mom. 

"As for the furniture we'll get that replaced." Steve's mother nodded without a smile and without even a breeze left the Study. His father looked back once getting his dark auburn hair in order and he too left Steve.

Steve stood shivering for a moment and then sniffled as he slowly knelt down to start picking up the folders. 

His hands shook impossibly and his left was now bleeding sluggishly, Steve sucked in another sob as he slowly refiled the loose papers. He ever do carefully stacked them on top of each other with one hand and then wiped his blood on his sweater, so he could pick up all files at once to put away in their cabinets. 

Steve finally was able to get his breathing under control when he grabbed a small rag to wipe up the black smear left from Billy. He scrubbed and it was mostly gone except for a small burn permanently pressed into the wood. 

Steve took in a small shaky breath before turning around and hearing a crinkle. 

Steve looked down to see the blue folder under his foot. 

An odd emotion overcame Steve, and if anyone asked, he wouldn't be able to name it, but it was strong and overpowering. The strongest urge to take and own, to steal back what was always meant to be his, but never resting in his hands. 

Steve carefully plucked up the blue folder into his hands and his blood was starting to bleed into the red changing it into a dark brown.

Steve knew this was dangerous. He wasn't to take things from the Study, and especially not the blue folder. 

Steve slipped the folder under his shirt and tucked it into his sweatpants. Hoping beyond hope that the contents wouldn't slip out. 

He tightened the drawstring in his sweats just as a precaution. 

He blew out a shaky breath and got back to cleaning, painstakingly picking up each glass fragment from the broken cabinet Steve had smashed with his bat. 

They clinked together as Steve dropped them into the trashcan by his father's desk. 

"Have you finished cleaning Steven?" Steve froze turning around and praying she wouldn't notice the folder hiding under his clothes. He nodded stiffly. 

She looked just as put together as ever, not a single strand of hair out of place, it was a talent. She smiled softly and stepped into the Study and the click of her heels always managed to fill Steve with dread. 

She placed a hand gently against Steve's cheek, running her hand over the tears that had spilled. 

"Good, why don't you go wash up and get bundled up, we don't want you catching a fever." She offered sweetly and patted Steve's cheek urging him along. 

"Okay." Steve nodded and slowly walked out of the Study and let his feet drag across the carpet. 

"Oh and Steven!" Steve became paralyzed as his mother called after him. He swallowed before being able to get a squeak out. 

"Yes mother?" He didn't dare turn towards her in case she saw his fear, saw what he had stolen under his clothes. 

"Do take your shoes off, you'll track mud all throughout the house." Steve blew out his breath with relief.

"Of course Mom." He smiled back at her and she nodded adorning her bored expression as always. 

Steve slipped his shoes off and started walking towards the entranceway where all the shoes were kept. He passed his father already on the phone to have the couch removed that night by some movers.

The painting was gone and the vase swept away, all signs of Steve's rebellion erased. 

Steve placed his shoes on the floor and almost fell when he felt papers start to slip further down his pants. His hands scrambling to keep them in place with a natural movement. 

"Steven." Steve whipped his head around to see his father gazing him with steady blue eyes. 

"Wash up. You smell like a distillery." His father demanded, and Steve's head jerked into a nod, rushing up the stairs two at a time with his hand pressed tight against his waist holding his file in place. 

He paused at the top of the stairs having to cough roughly, he took a moment to breathe and thought for a moment, he couldn't go to his room..

He knew, he _ knew _ if he left the folder in his room, his parents would find out…

Steve slowly moved towards the bathroom...it was going to be tricky...and potentially dangerous, but... _ oh...why did he do this? Why didn't he file it away like every other file, now he was going to get in even more trouble! _

Steve's jaw ached as a reminder. 

But his chest ached even more, whether that was his feelings or the flu was yet to be determined. 

But why was it fair that others got to know their origin, know why they did and looked they way they did, when Steve didn't! 

This folder was the last object to Steve's own birth...and he had never even held it in his hands once in the eighteen years he had lived. 

Steve pressed harder against the file and shuffled into the bathroom, turning on the heat and the shower to get ready. 

He would have to hide the file somewhere where his parents wouldn't think to look…even though his parents didn't care for him didn't mean they weren't smart. In fact the way their eyes traveled through Steve knew they were playing chess around him while he was still figuring out he was even on the board. 

They had always outwitted him and they knew when he was hiding something. Steve pulled the file from his sweats and restocked the papers easily, the room starting to get damp and the pages were starting to wrinkle from it, but it was a risk Steve was going to have to take. Some water damage wouldn't be the end of it. 

Or again...this was the dumbest thing Steve had ever done. 

It was up to debate with Steven and himself. 

Steve shook his head and stripped his clothes, and promptly held the file above his head in his bleeding hand as he stepped into the shower. If anyone came in they'd see Steve's hand above the shower holding a file but it was the risk Steve was willing to take. 

He wasn't going to be able to properly wash his hair or body but at the moment...he...he had bigger things on his mind. 

His arm shook from holding the thick file up above his head and with the new bruises darkening on his skin. 

He dunked his head in and let the water wash over him and hopefully get the wine off him. 

A small cough racked through his lungs and Steve shuddered, his mother was particularly mad this time...it was most likely the painting that had done it.

She never actively got involved...usually..

She preferred to sit on the side and comment. 

He hadn't known what it meant when Tommy's mom had whispered it, but now Steve really understood what they meant by a politician's wife.

The heat was sinking in finally and it was nice...and yet it never felt like it was enough, the bruising was starting and the aching was even worse. 

His head hurt, from the hair pulling and especially the bangs onto the floor. 

Steve hated when his dad dragged him like that, the arm was okay...Steve could handle it, but his scalp had always been so sensitive, and it  _ hurt _ . 

He cautiously brought a hand up to prod at the sore spot and wince as his scalp burned to the touch. 

He didn't know if he was crying or if the shower water had just gotten in his eyes.

Getting out of the shower was surprisingly trickier, and placing the file on the sink was his best bet. 

Steve knew his best bet to not be caught stealing the file was to keep it on his body at all times. 

Which meant as he dried himself off he would have to press the file against his stomach under his towel. He was lucky he could hear his father talking loudly downstairs, most likely it was his mother. 

He had a chance. 

Steve's heart was stuttering in his chest as he tried to calmly walk to his room, his skin freezing with the loss of warmth the bathroom offered. 

Steve crashed into his room and shut the door behind him, letting his head thump lightly against the door as he sunk to the ground. He..he was safe... _ for now… _

He tugged the slightly damped folder from his stomach and checked it over. Light water damage and his blood had stained it but...it didn't matter, he had it! 

He sucked in a breath and reverently pulled the file open, all the papers still looked okay...sure the pages were dampened and would probably crinkle up from it, but they were still there! Still in his hand! 

He was quick to dress and even quicker to stuff his folder in the waist of his sweatpants, triple knotting the drawstring to make sure it never fell. 

He slowly slumped towards his door, and even though the thought of re-addressing his parents made him stop dead, he still climbed down those steps with a loud cough. 

He sat down on the last step to see the couch was already removed and his mother sat poised in the kitchen, his father regally walking out of said kitchen. His eyes landed in Steve and Steve had to lick his lips in fear as his heart flickered in his chest. 

"Steven...I think we need to talk about your future." He started, and Steve nodded, keeping his mouth shut not just because he shouldn't talk but because his jaw was more than starting to ache. 

"Come join us in the dining room Steven." His father stated and Steve did exactly that. He followed his father through the kitchen past his mother and towards the dining room. 

His father pulled a chair out for Steve and then sat down at the head of the table. Steve heard the clicks of his mother following behind as she took the other head of the table. 

"You know you did something very irresponsible Steven." His father started, Steve nodded. 

"It seems we haven't done enough to teach you responsibility." His mother had her usual wine glass in hand but she didn't sip at it for once, rather placing it pointedly on the table with a small ting. 

"So, Steven, your father and I thought it would be best to have you take on a job this summer to learn such an  _ important  _ lesson." His mother finished. 

"Seeing as you couldn't get into a college even if it slammed you in the ass, especially now that you've lost sports." His father continued with a raised eyebrow and Steve sunk in on himself, forgetting for a moment about the file pressed into his skin, freezing up at the soft crinkle. 

His parents didn't seem to notice. 

"Isn't that a good idea Steven?" His mother asked, her sharp eyes landing on him, and Steve nodded. 

"Good." She nodded and his mother and father looked at each other evenly, a small discernible nod passed the two and his father turned back to him. 

"And Steven." Steve ducked his head down to stare at his hands in his lap, feeling another cough begin in his chest. 

"All of those wages, they'll be coming back to us, to repay those damages you've exacted." His father's gruff voice turned deeper near the end, "and if you are _good_, then _maybe_ _I won't have you pay us back for the potential you wasted." _His voice became sharp and it cut through Steve to heart, it was a threat if Steve had ever heard one. 

He was almost glad he had gotten involved in a government secret or else he would be stuck in this household in debt to his parents until his life ended. 

Which, seeing as how everything was going; would be sooner rather than later. 

Steve repressed the cough rumbling through him. He nodded. 

"Good, and we do have a place set up of course," his mother started, eyeing her wine glass, "there'll be a mall opening soon enough, and when you finish up with school you'll get started." She stated and brought her glass up to her lips. 

_ Mall? _

"A mall?" Steve rasped as his cough interrupted, his jaw stinging at him moving it. 

"Why yes Steven, one in Hawkins." She offered after drinking more of her wine. Steve swallowed and shifted his eyes to the opposite side towards his father. 

"We helped fund it, and so we have a say on who could be hired." His father's sharp eyes raised to Steve and Steve had to duck his head back down to avoid eye contact. 

"Where?" Steve whispered, he could hear his father shift. 

"Stop asking questions and do the damn thing!" His father exploded, his hand slamming onto the nice wood table, his mother merely lifting her wine glass up to make sure it didn't spill. 

Steve shook at the loud bang and closed his eyes deep. 

"You'll be starting your job at a food service place the minute it is open to take yo-" there was a loud authoritative knock at the front door, ", that will be all Steven." His father finished raising an eyebrow towards the foyer.

Without a word, his mother got up and walked over towards the front door, he could hear her move through the kitchen and he could hear her answer the door. 

"Oh. Good day ma'am, I didn't believe anyone was home." Came Hopper's voice. Steve felt his cheeks warm up. 

"Oh dear, how can I help?" Came his mothers light lilting voice through the air. 

"I'm actually looking for your son ma'am, he home?" 

Steve felt his father's blue eyes bore holes into him at that response, he couldn't repress the shudder running through his shoulders. 

"Of course officer, is something wrong?" 

"No ma'am he's just sick, and we've been worried. As well as I wanted to drop off his car."

"Oh of course! He's got a terrible fever you see, spouting nonsense I'm sure, poor child, I've been worried sick about him when we came home to find he wasn't here." His mother played, and his father stood up from his chair with a loud  _ squee _ .

"Oh, yes. Well we- he left in a rush without eve-" 

"Yes, we were quick to snatch him up, we do love him dearly." She interrupted easily, if anyone could get Hopper tongue tied it would be his mother. She was a force to be reckoned with. 

Steve slowly stood up himself shuffling into the kitchen, following his father. 

He watched from the kitchen as his father walked into the entrance. 

"Jim." He acknowledged. 

"Andrew." Hopper replied. 

"Must be pretty quiet to have you checking in on something so small." His father came up behind his mom, throwing an arm around her shoulders as if to show off a normal family relationship. 

Like one of those pictures Steve had seen on magazines for furniture; one big happy family. 

"Or maybe, I'm worried no one is looking out for your  _ son _ Andrew." Steve watched as Hopper scowled, and yet his father didn't react towards the giant man before him. 

Hopper engulfed his father in height and weight, and yet his father stayed perfectly poised. 

"I'm glad you do Jim; you know after what happened with Sara." Steve sucked in a breath and Hopper's face snarled, and  _ holy shit! _

Sure Steve knew about Sara, his father had bad talked Hopper enough times to bring her up, and had she lived she would be Steve's age. But to bring her up to Hopper's face…

"Don't bring Sara into this Harrington." Hopper growled. 

"Then I think it's best you leave your family to your own and mine to me." Was his father's calm reply. Hopper's hand came up and slammed against the wood door and his white puff of air from his breathing looked like steam rising from his head. 

"Just let me see him," he snarled at his father, "make sure he's okay." 

Steve stayed put.

"Yes, that seems fair, you're only concerned." Was his mother's tactical reply, "come here Steven." She called out easily, gesturing for Steve to come. 

Steve obeyed staying near the kitchen. His eyes met Hopper's and Hop seemed relieved to see him. 

"You okay kid?" He asked, and all three adults turned towards him and Steve knew his jaw would hurt too much to speak. 

Steve nodded. 

Hopper didn't look convinced. 

"Thank you Jim for checking up, best get home." His father started to close the door, Hopper kicking his foot out to keep it propped open and Steve could practically see his father starting to boil. 

"I thought you had a work emergency." Hopper scowled.

"Yes, but family is more important than work Jim, you should know that." Was his father's response, deep and angry. The tension was thick as they both glared at each other. Finally Hopper backed off and his father shut the door. 

"Why don't you go to your room Steven, best sleep off that sickness." His mother directed, and Steve scampered off, his hand clutching his stomach at his secret file, and his lungs struggling with sickness. 

* * *

The thing about Steve's room was that there wasn't an easy way to sneak out. 

First of all it was on the second story, which meant if he was to get out from his window he'd need a way down, and seeing as there wasn't a perfectly placed tree he was kind of stuck. 

Sure there was a tree but...it was not accessible from his window. 

And second of all! Well...there wasn't really anything else, just the fact his window was too high up and his tree too far away, as if tempting him with the idea of being able to sneak out but  _ just  _ barely out of reach. 

Steve just wanted  _ out _ , and  _ yeah...it was dumb to do it while his parents were asleep downstairs in the master bedroom, but Steve just  _ _ didn't care. _

He felt raw, as if he had been cut open and displayed out to everyone and he hated it. 

His body ached and his head had  _ finally _ just started to feel better again, and now he was back to square one. 

Most of all (and the most surprising) was the fact Steve felt an overwhelming sensation of hatred for Hopper. 

_ Why did he have to show up! Why couldn't he just leave it alone!  _

_ Gods! _

He sighed softly, on one hand it was nice for Hopper to drop off his car. That meant Steve had a chance. 

The new problem with that though, was that his keys were downstairs, by where that ugly vase had been. 

It was _dumb,_ _hell_ it was downright stupid.

But the thing about Steven was that well...he was both of those things. 

Steve was lucky his steps were carpeted, it made it easier to slink down without a noise, making sure to never lean all his weight on one foot. 

Sure it was two in the morning, but his mother was a light sleeper, and if Steve got caught his father may actually kill him this time- investment or not.

Finally making it down the stairs was thankfully okay, but then came the hard part: the wood entranceway. 

It didn't matter if the wood was new, it would still creak if Steve messed up. Steve tucker his mouth into his elbow and let a soft cough out, his heart thudding. 

He slowly pulled back and looked down the hallway towards the master bedroom, the door was closed. 

He might have a chance...even though the acoustics in his house made it so he could hear a mouse crawling through the walls. 

Steve just had to be careful. He...he could do that...like a ninja! 

He fought a fucking demogorgon, he could do this! 

Steve slowly got on his feet, luckily he was used to sneaking about. 

_ 'If I hear you move about one more time I-' _

Steve shook his head as a shiver ran through his arms. 

He knew stepping towards places that already had weight on them would mean there wasn't a creak. Which meant sticking to the walls was his best bet, seeing as the entranceway was unfortunately bare. 

He extended his leg out and slowly stepped onto the floor and hugged the wall, he heard the file crinkle under his clothes but thankfully he was too far from his parents to make him worry too much. 

He slid slowly down the wall, making sure to pull away from the wall so there wasn't a noise of his body scraping across it. 

He reached the point across from the cadenza, thank Gods Steve was tall. 

He was easily able to reach over and pluck his keys up, freezing up when they clinked together. 

He waited, his breath frozen and his heart hammering it's way out of his chest. 

Nothing. 

Steve slowly moved the keys into his hand and made sure they didn't hit each other again. 

Then came the next challenge: his front door. 

Steve could feel another cough coming but he ignored it to try and figure out how to handle his new dilemma. 

He took another gentle step towards the door and grabbed the handle, slowly twisting the lock to open it. 

His breath was interrupted by his cough ripping through his lungs and  _ his jaw ached. _

Steve held his breath to make sure he didn't finish the cough as he twisted the handle open. 

The door gave way and Steve was smacked in the face by cold air. Steve wanted to cry in happiness. 

He took a step forward outside, knowing it wasn't going to creak and couldn't help the glee spreading through his body. 

He slowly reached back over to pick his shoes up carefully.

Then ever so gently he shut the door behind him. 

  
  


_ He was out! _

Steve sat down to get his shoes back on hurriedly and pressed a cough into his arm. 

  
  


When he finally managed to do that and he went to his car, and as much as Steve wasn't the brightest bulb in the shed, he knew that starting his car was the dumbest shit he could do. 

He gently opened the door and pulled out his crinkled file and placed it in the car. 

He then reached forward and took the emergency brake off and placed the car in neutral. 

Stepping around the car Steve started to push the car with all his might towards his neighbor's. If he got the car at least a house down he was safe. 

It was hard work, his arms shook from the bruises his father had pressed into him, and his jaw throbbed from him clenching it. 

But the car was moving and it  _ didn't matter anymore, Steve was  _ _ so close _ _ to being out.  _

He pushed, and pushed, and pushed, letting his coughs rack through him without pressing his face into his arm. 

His lungs rasped as he finally made it at his neighbor's house and he slumped against the car, feeling it move behind him. 

He  _ did it. _

He was  _ so tired.  _

_ But he did it. _

Steve had to take a moment to get his breathing back under control and then moved into his driver's seat. Finally getting the car started. 

He put in the heat and let his head thunk against his steering wheel. 

He was out...but  _ where was he supposed to go now? _

The Quarry his brain whispered. 

_ Right _ , it was an escape, and that's all Steve wanted to do; escape.

  
  


He started driving. 

  
  


* * *

If there was one thing to describe the Quarry it would be quiet. 

Something about it seemed to keep all sound reduced to a whisper. But Steve was happy to bundle up in the two loose blankets he had in his car and attempt to gaze at the jumbled words in his file. 

Finding himself sitting on the roof of his car with trepidation.

It hurt to stare at the words in the dark, and everytime the letters switched on him he had to look away and had to think it over again before starting over. 

He didn't know how long he had been at it before he closed the folder and angrily rubbed at his eyes. He had gotten nowhere with attempting to read. 

  
  


It was then he heard the ever so familiar deep rumble of an engine coming closer. 

He watched as the blue Camaro rolled up next to Steve's own BMW. Steve didn't keep his eyes away from Billy Hargrove as he slammed his door open and had an unlit cigarette in his mouth. He had a new black eye. 

"Well well well, if it isn't pretty boy Steve." He smirked and raised an eyebrow up at him. 

Steve huffed out a small laugh, and found another cough rippling through his chest. 

"Yikes. You sound bad." Hargrove offered, grabbing his lighter to get his cigarette lit. 

Steve shrugged, and Billy seemed to really look at Steve now.

"Shit dude, what happened to you?" He asked, not sounding entirely like he cared. 

"Parents came home." Steve offered and he heard Billy suck in some smoke. 

"Sh _ iiiit,  _ that sucks." He breathed out. Steve nodded again. 

"They hit you?" Billy asked, closing the door behind him. 

"They don't do that." Steve told him. Billy raised an eyebrow at that with a scowl. 

"Huh." Was his noncommittal reply. 

They descended into silence and Billy started walking towards Steve's car. He looked up towards Steve with a look the brunette couldn't place. 

"You know," he offered, sucking in another gasp of smoke, " I hate being lied to." He breathed out. 

Steve looked him over and slowly nodded, he looked...tired...really tired, but his eyes burned just like they had  _ that night. _

"I won't lie to you then." Steve offered, Billy didn't look convinced. 

He seemed to struggle with something for a moment but he must've decided since he started to climb up Steve's car. 

"Move over." He told Steve, steve scooted over to have Billy sit down next to him on the roof of his car.

He didn't get too close but he blew smoke into the air around them. 

"I wanted to say-" he growled and pulled the cigarette from his lips, Steve flinched back from the noise, a soft cough coming from his lips. 

"Fuck! Look, that night was a mistake." He stated without looking Steve's way. Steve shivered.

"What?" 

"I'm trying to fucking apologize dumbass!" Billy exploded and Steve jumped back, blinking rapidly. Billy scowled at him and looked back towards the Quarry. 

Steve couldn't help but start huffing out a breathy laugh. 

"Wow, Hargrove.  _ Nice _ apology." He laughed and Billy scowled even further. 

"Well good, since you liked it! I'm done!" He stated, flicking his cigarette off Steve's car towards the frozen ground.

"Thanks man." Steve's lips curled up. 

"Well...look, it- " Billy groaned, "I- that was bad, and you didn't deserve that." He scrubbed at his hair and it began to get bigger with him messing with it. 

"Hey man...I don't…" Steve started, and then sighed tiredly. 

"It wasn't okay...but I guess I can understand now." Steve offered, remembering smashing his own place up in his anger. 

Billy huffed out a snort, but didn't seem convinced. 

"Well yeah, sorry I guess." Billy scowled. 

Steve snuck a glance at the other boy, he looked like he would be freezing in the weather. His only attempt to fend off the cold was an acid washed denim wash. 

Steve pulled one of his blankets off and handed it over. 

"What?" Billy asked. 

"I'm trying to hand off a blanket, dumbass." Steve laughed, throwing Billy's words back at him. 

It was colder without the blanket but Billy was probably not going to get hypothermia now, so that was a plus. Steve coughed roughly, and tried to catch his breath again. 

"I'm trying to apologize for  _ almost killing you,  _ and you hand me a blanket when  _ you're literally almost dying."  _ He looked absolutely baffled. 

Steve shrugged, "yeah well, no one called me smart."

Billy actually cackled at that response, snatching the blanket away, "you really are crazy." He stated and Steve nodded at that with a soft smile on his lips.

They descended back into silence and Steve pulled the blanket around him tighter. 

They didn't talk after that, but for once Steve didn't feel fear. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it! Let me know what you think!
> 
> So I've been working a hard time to make sure this chapter worked out well. 
> 
> We're finally starting to lead into season 3 and I'm excited! From here on out we have so much more fun and I can't wait. 
> 
> Anyways, let me know what you think! Again every comment makes me update faster, and the only reason I've been able to keep up this crazy schedule of updating is becuase of your lovely comments.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! I'm so so so so sorry for how long this took, especially when it isnt that long! I've actually been in the middle of finals and had to take a small break from writing! 
> 
> Again thank you so so much for all the support and you guys are the only reason this chapter was able to be posted when I'm not even done with finals yet! 
> 
> I'm such a terrible student, writing when I should be working. 
> 
> Anyways, I apologize for this chapter, I had to take much longer breaks between writing so I'm afraid the tone may shift a bit too much, and it might be a bit boring so I apologize for that, no craziness yet. 
> 
> Next chapter will tho!

Funnily enough being sick paid off for Steve. It meant he was confined to his room and had little reason to infuriate his father. 

His cough had gotten bad enough to warrant his mother even stepping in and sitting by his side with toast and water. Even stroking his hair so kindly, and whispering sweet nothings into his ear. Not nearly as gentle as Joyce had been but to his mother….it was absolutely wonderful. 

She was never so kind. 

He was lucky he had left the file in his car seeing as on christmas day he woke up to find his room completely scrubbed, everything in a perfect place. 

The worst was missing all of Dustin’s fifteen calls leading up to the holidays, as well as after. Steve wanted to answer, goodness did he want to, but leaving his room was dangerous and well...his father was more than miffed to have someone constantly calling the house line. 

Sure, when his parents finally left after the holidays he had received a few more bruises, but nothing to bad. 

They were more warning bruises if anything, not  _ punishment _ bruises. 

Although his jaw really needed a break from how many times his father tried to crush it in his grip. 

Then one morning he woke up to find the house empty again, a new white couch in place, a note on the table to apply at a certain address at a certain date and time and that was the end of it. 

Steve was back alone, and school was starting up in two days. 

So that was how Steve found himself getting bundled up to take on an interview,  _ even if it was a formality.  _

His first time leaving his home since that night with Hargrove.

It wasn't that bad...all he had to do was meet the guy who was going to be his boss, easy…

Of course when Steve arrived thirty minutes early that all got thrown out the window. 

_ Fucking...Tommy  _ was here. 

He was leaning against his car, Carol by his side talking and Steve just  _ knew _ his luck had finally run out with avoiding the other boy. 

He kept his head down and head to the office. 

"Steve?"  _ He could ignore him! He didn't have to acknowledge him! He didn't! _

Steve turned around meeting his ex friend's gaze. Tommy looked...good, which was frustrating enough. While Steve had been beaten and had his world flipped and unravelled on him, Tommy had thrived. 

He looked around as if checking if anyone could see them and for once his face  _ didn't  _ twist into a sadistic smirk. 

_ Huh...would you look at that.  _

"Hey man…" he stepped away from Carol who scowled at Steve like he had stepped on her nice bag. Which okay...maybe Steve had back in the day, he never really did like Carol. 

"I heard, that your parents came home for the holidays." Steve hated that Tommy had that in his arsenal. Steve scowled at the other boy when his eyes traveled over his face. 

Steve knew he had two fresh bruises on his face like some awful parody on dimples where his father had gript his jaw, as well as his neck. 

"Yeah." Steve muttered, looking back towards the entrance, he  _ really _ didn't want to deal with Tommy right now. 

"Hey, I'm sorry-" Tommy started following Steve and  _ oh how Steve hated hearing that.  _

" _ You're sorry?!" _ Steve whipped around to face his old best friend. Tommy looked as bewildered as Steve felt. 

"Well...yeah? I know how hard your old man can b-" 

"Oh you're sorry about my old man, huh? Not sorry for all the shit you've caused me this year." Steve growled out, and  _ there was that familiar scowl.  _

"What the hell's wrong with you man? I'm just trying to-" 

"What Tommy? Trying to what?" Steve huffed out, "I gotta go." He stated, turning back to the meeting, a hand tugging him back. 

Steve turned to face wide eyes. 

"Stevie, look! I-" Steve scowled even further,  _ really? _ Trying to use that  _ stupid _ nickname. 

"What do you want Tommy?" Steve angrily asked. 

"Yeah Tommy, let him go, he's a lost cause now." Carol finally piping up. 

"Just- give me a moment Carol!" Tommy stuffed back and looked back at Steve, biting the inside of his cheek. 

"Look, I know your plan was to get out of Hawkins on a sports scholarship, and well-" Steve couldn't help but shake his head in disbelief, could Tommy just leave him the hell alone. 

"Yeah! It fell through! Happy now!" Steve tugged away. 

"No I'm not!" Tommy snapped, grabbing Steve and slamming him into his Beemer behind him. Steve lost his breath for a moment, _ imagining a certain monster with a flower for a face and Steve swung his ba- _

Steve shoved Tommy off himself. 

_ When would people stop slamming him into things. _

"What the fuck do you want Tommy?" Steve was so tired, "why are we doing this?" 

Tommy looked gutted and than furious and Steve couldn't tell why. 

"Maybe I miss my friend." He offered quietly backing up, "but clearly you don't." He stated and Steve shook slowly feeling his blood boil at that comment. 

"Oh you've gotta be  _ fucking kidding me!"  _ Steve roared, feeling all the pent up anger inside him blooming out. 

"You know what Tommy! You're an asshole!" Steve screeched out, "you sure like to claim you miss me and want to see if we can be friends again but only when no one else is around to see!" Tommy did a double take. 

"Yeah! That's right, I may be a  _ fucking  _ dumbass but I know when someone is pretending." He hissed at Tommy's surprise,  _ good.  _

Steve snarled at Tommy, turning back around towards the shop, good riddance. 

"Oh! Like  _ you weren't!"  _ Tommy launched back, "stop pretending you're some goody two shoes Stevie! We both know yo-" 

"You know  **nothing** about me Tommy." Steve bellowed. Tommy took a step back in surprise. And for some reason that filled Steve with...joy? No...vindication. 

Because at the end of the day, Steve wasn't that asshole anymore, he wasn't the jerk that had picked on kids and strode down the hall with confidence. That Steve was naive and hadn't learned about the truth of this world. 

That Steve was blinded by his own cage to remember that maybe there was something even scarier outside. 

"What are you talking about?" Tommy asked and Carol was stepping closer to him, hugging his arm but he didn't seem to notice. Steve eyed Carol for a moment and remet Tommy's own brown. 

"You have  _ no _ idea." Steve couldn't help the way the corners of his mouth tilted up. 

" _ None _ ." Steve huffed a laugh, "of who I am anymore Tommy." 

Steve promptly turned around and headed inside the building, leaving his bewildered friend behind. 

"I-" he could hear Tommy pulling away from Carol, "I know about your Dad!" He called out and Steve blandly turned to see Tommy grin as if he won. 

"So what?" Steve sneered,  _ as if that was his greatest secret.  _

"What?" Tommy bumped back into Carol as he took a step back. Steve couldn't help but feel like all of this was below him, his face becoming impassive and cold; bored. 

"You honestly think that's everything?" Steve offered, not even fully turning around to give his ex-friend his full attention. He raised an eyebrow just like his mother had to him. 

"You  _ genuinely _ think you know me?" Steve looked Tommy up and down and honestly why had he ever feared him? He was shorter than Steve and so what if he was stocky and he knew how to fight? 

Steve had done so much more than Tommy could ever imagine in his tiny mind. 

"You don't know  _ anything _ ." Steve rolled his eyes and calmly walked back towards the building, swinging the door open and making sure to step inside without another exchange. 

Steve passed his reflection and- Maybe there was more relation than Steve initially thought, seeing as his face perfectly mirrored his own mother's. 

He scowled and headed towards the receptionist in front of him, trying to ignore Hargrove's words bouncing in his head. 

' _ Half of that monster' _

' _ Half of that monster' _

  
  


' _ Half of that monster' _

"Hi darling! Everything okay out there?" Steve smiled down at the receptions before him- ' _ Half of that monster'-  _ he knew she had went to his highschool, he'd seen her face before. 

"Yeah I'm here to see Mr. Harpster?" Steve asked softly- ' _ Half of that monster' -  _ trying to school his face back to being pleasant. 

"Oh of course! You have an appointment?" She asked, clicking her pen down on her desk, grabbing a book.

"Yeah, um, Andrew Harrington set it up?" Steve offered trying to smile. 

' _ Half of that monster' _

"Oh! Yes!" She jumped up almost as if frightened by something, "right that way!" She pointed and Steve went. 

Steve may not be a Harrington by blood, but it still seemed he had picked up part of their traits. 

' _ Half of that monster' _

* * *

Overall the meeting was fairly boring...apparently the place ( _ Scoops Ahoy, a terrible name really)  _ wasn't actually hiring until later on in development. So formality was an overstatement. 

It  _ almost _ made Steve wished he hadn't shown up, but he knew if he hadn't his father would be marching straight back to Hawkins with a vendetta. 

Luckily by the time the meeting was over Tommy was gone. 

A plus was also that Steve was actually hungry, it had been a while since he had been hungry, just never feeling right when he ate, everything feeling heavy in his stomach. Guess that was the flu for you. 

Steve happily got in his car and actually gazed around for a moment, no bird, no red, nothing. It was a nice feeling. 

Steve had a small smile on when he started to drive to the small dinner in Hawkins. 

For once he couldn't help turning on the music, starting to feel like himself again, Wham! Was playing and Steve was finally feeling... _ good _ . Well...close enough at least. 

Sure he felt weighed down by the presence of his blue folder in his back seat, and the ever present thought of Tommy being a dick. And don't even get him started on the overwhelming fear of the Upside Down. 

Small steps. 

Sometimes Steve just needed to ignore everything for a moment, just to forget and relax or else he'd shatter. 

_ 'Bullshit' _

Steve shook his mind clear of that unfortunate night,  _ he should be allowed to pretend...just for a bit.  _

If he didn't...if he didn't...everything would be lost. 

Steve pulled into the diner's parking lot and- immediately slammed on his brakes. 

Come  _ on, this had to be some sort of cosmic joke! _

_ Of course!  _ Hopper would be at the diner with a colleague, this was ridiculous. 

Steve didn't want to deal with Hopper just yet, he knew it was coming but…

_ 'Jim.' _

_ 'Andrew.' _

Yeah...best not deal with that just yet. 

Steve promptly did a three point turn and left the diner not noticing the brown eyes that followed his Beemer. 

He could just have pizza delivered to his home, it would probably be faster anyways. 

_ It wouldn't  _ but Steve was trying to convince himself here. 

He drove down heading back to his home with a sigh, his stomach grumbling. 

He slowed to a stop to what he was seeing. 

Old Benson's corn field was gone; replaced now with actual construction vehicles and workers.  _ When... _ when had this all happened? And how had Steve not noticed? 

Hell, there was an actual base frame for a building up already, and Steve had just…. _ missed it. _

Sure Old Benson's corn field was weird and creepy, but it used to be a great spot for Steve and friends to sneak through...well,  _ before Steve learned about  _ _ real _ _ monsters.  _

He wondered for a moment if Old Benson had even sold the plot of land? He hadn't seen the old man in a long time now, and Steve felt like the world was speeding around him for a moment. 

It was as if Steve was a stone in a river watching events play out before him, and with a blink so much had changed. 

Steve shook his head and continued driving back home. Pretending everything was okay again. 

* * *

Honestly, if Steve knew destroying his mother's beloved couch would result in an even more uncomfortable seating, he may have not destroyed it in the first place. 

It didn't matter how much Steve tried to sink into the cushions it was as if they were filled with cement. It was so stiff and difficult to even remotely try and find comfortable. 

They probably picked it just for that reason. 

He had called in his pizza about fifteen minutes ago, and the truth was, it would probably be another fifteen to arrive. 

No one ever said Hawkins was known for its punctuality. 

He smacked his fist down onto the cushion to try and soften it up and couldn't help the whine that came out, how could a cushion  _ hurt?? _

Steve knew he should be doing homework. He had  _ TONS _ of school work to get to and yet, he couldn't bring himself to move. 

In some way Steve sort of couldn't find the point of it. 

In the end he wasn't going to be able to go to college no matter what. And whose to say he even could leave? 

His parents aside, he could never leave the kids alone with the possibility of the Upside Down coming back, not when Steve knew what it was like to be reminded of death everyday. 

His eyes slowly drifted to his glass door, his curtains drawn so he couldn't see his pool, but he knew the grave was still there. 

No... _ no... _ he couldn't leave while the 'party' was still endangered…

So basically, Steve was stuck. 

So what did highschool even matter? It seemed all insignificant at the end of the day, all that highschool drama and people scrambling to get good grades and keep friends that they didn't even like in the first place. 

Nothing mattered when your life had been threatened. 

To all the kids at Hawkins High, the worst thing that could happen would be Prom getting canceled. 

To Steve, it was children dying. 

Noone there knew what real struggle was, none of them bad learned was real fear was. 

A flash of Billy Hargrove appeared behind Steve's eyelids and he sighed…

Maybe there was a few; some who had never come in contact with the Upside Down and still knew terror. 

Steve heard a loud banging on his door. 

Oh thank heavens...pizza, Steve was starved and honestly thinking was  _ not _ something Steve should be allowed to do on his own. 

He marched over to his front door and whipped it open, his wallet in hand ready to pay- 

It was Dustin. 

Why was Dustin here. 

This wasn't pizza. 

"Steve!" 

"Dustin?" Steve asked, rapidly blinking, somewhat hoping if he blinked fast enough, his little thirteen year old friend would turn into the pizza delivery. 

Dustin was bundled up and was tossing his bike aside to climb into Steve's house. 

"I've been trying to reach you!" Dustin exclaimed with a look of glee. 

Steve watched him start to take off his jacket with a sigh, thankfully he had ordered an extra pizza to last him longer, but  _ oh well.  _

He shut the door behind him. 

"Yeah, sorry buddy, I was sick all during the holidays." 

"Yeah! I figured." Dustin offered, letting his scarf unwrap five times,  _ how long was that thing? _

"But! I didn't get to tell you ab-" Dustin's eyes travelled to the new couch, "oh! You got a new couch?" 

"Yeah...my parents wanted it, but you were saying Dustin." Steve prompted tiredly, rubbing his eyes, man he was hungry. 

"Right! So the dance!" Dustin started, bouncing excitedly in place and man did Steve wish he had that energy. 

Steve sighed and leaned against the wall as Dustin started to ramble, unknowingly revealing the fresh bruises on his arm and neck. 

"And so! Of course I was worried because they were all laughing, but then Nanc-" Dustin's eyes roamed up Steve for a moment, "-y...Steve?" 

"Hmm?" 

"You're...hurt?" Dustin looked confused getting closer and instantly crowding Steve. 

"Whoa man, hey, no, I'm all good." 

Dustin shook his head in determination, "no you're not!" 

He jabbed a finger into Steve's bruise on his arm, making him jump back. 

"Jesus Dustin, personal space man!" 

"You're injured!" He ignored. 

"Look man, I'm fine!" Steve tried to reassure, placing his hands out in a placating motion. 

"No! You're lying!" Dustin accused, thrusting his finger out at Steve as if Steve bad personally done him harm...and to Dustin...maybe it was…

"Look...buddy, please let it go, it's nothing." Steve tried, moving away from the younger boy to go back on his concrete couch. 

"How can it be nothing Steve? It was Billy wasn't it!"  _ Wait. What? How'd he arrive there?  _

"Dustin." Steve make a few confused noises, "what? How- I don't- what?" 

"You don't have to keep it secret Steve...we all know he's still harassing you." Dustin offered solemnly, and what the hell?

"Dustin no, he isn't." Steve deadpanned. 

"Yes he is! It's the only thing that makes sense!" Dustin shouted out, throwing his arms wide, knocking into the table, and if the ugly vase had still existed it would have fallen then. 

  
  


"The destroyed house!?" He grumbled, and Steve blanched, "hey! Hey! That one was m-" 

"But Hargrove was there! He's a psycho Steve! He tried to run us down in a car!" 

"He what!?" Steve screeched. 

"Yeah!" Dustin yelled out. Steve couldn't help but stare into the distance in disbelief. 

"I'm telling you man, he's crazy and you don't need to worry anymore! I'll get Hopper and we-" 

_ No! Not Hopper!  _

"Dustin! It wasn't Billy!" Steve stood up in anger, "okay! Just drop it!" He snapped, suddenly feeling drained from it all. 

"Ugh.." he flopped back down into the hard cushions, "I'm sorry man, I just...please let's not." Steve whispered.

"Why?" Dustin asked softly climbing onto the couch next to Steve. 

"You don't have to be scared...if..if someone's hurting you! The party is meant to help." Dustin whispered, and of course he put a hand on Steve's, as if Steve needed that extra guilt on his heart. 

"Look man, I'm not...I'm not scared okay" Steve pulled his hand away with a rough smile.

"It's nothing." 

The doorbell rang and Steve could sing with joy, finally, food. 

Steve got up and started walking towards the front door, dustin trailing behind. 

"If it's nothing, why can't you tell me?" Dustin persisted, Steve couldn't help but groan when he opened the door to hand off the money. 

"Really Dustin, it doesn't matter!" Steve smiled awkwardly at the boy in front of him...wasn't he a junior in his highschool? 

"And I'm saying it does!" 

"And I'm saying it doesn't!" Steve whined back shutting the door behind him with two boxes of pizzas in his arms. 

"I'm not letting this go Steve!" Dustin scowled, chasing after the other boy into the kitchen. 

"That's nice Dustin, but I am." He scowled right back. 

"Because it was Hargrove!" Dustin piped up. 

"Why are you so insistent it's Billy?" The determination in Dustin's eyes were unsettling. 

"Because he's batshit crazy and he's out to get you Steve!" 

"It is not! Hargrove, Dustin!" Steve placed the pizzas down getting more and more frustrated this stupid argument went. 

"Who else could it  _ possibly  _ be Steve!?" Dustin growled out, "it's clearly Hargrove!"

"It's not him! Okay!" Steve let his hands land on the table and they shook slowly with his building anger. 

"If it's not Hargrove, then who is it!" Dustin screamed back. 

"It was my Dad okay!" Steve screeched, feeling the air get sucked out of his house in an instant. 

Dustin instantly stilled and his face paled as Steve groaned, pushing his hair back. 

"Look it's…" Steve attempted to start, "I…" he stopped, letting his face contort in worry as he looked back down at his hands, still bandaged up. 

"You're...dad did that?" Dustin whispered, and Steve sighed, he was such an idiot, why'd he have to go and tell Dustin, he  _ was a kid! _ He didn't need to know such things. 

"Uh...yeah..look, it looks worse than it is! Promise." Steve tried to reassure but it did anything but. 

Dustin's eyebrows seemed to become more and more pinched by the second. 

"That's not okay!" He spat out, "y-you've still been recovering from a head wound- A HEAD WOUND STEVE!" He gestured animatedly towards Steve. "You shouldn't be- be- be pushed around!" Dustin finally settled on. 

"Hey, Dustin, it's okay- hey, let's just-" 

"It's not okay Steve!" Dustin interrupted, "stop saying it's okay when it isn't!" Dustin pushed out and with every second his eyes seemed to getting foggier and foggier. 

"Hey, hey, no don't cry-" 

"I'm not crying!" 

"Okay! Okay, you're not! But I- i get it okay, it's, it's rough," Steve started unsure of where he was going with this. 

"But sometimes...sometimes we're dealt hard hands, and we just have to keep going." Steve finished softly. 

"It's not fair." Dustin whispered and Steve's heart broke. 

"I know...I know it isn't…come on Dust, have a slice okay, let's just...let's just not think about it for a bit." Steve offered with a small smile, Dustin looked hurt but he nodded. 

Steve easily handed off a slice with a place and a smile, hoping to try and brighten Dustin's day up. 

"Why don't you tell me about the Snowball Dance?" Steve prompted. 

Dustin met his eyes and seemed to think for a moment, "it was nice...Nancy danced with me." 

"Oh…" Steve couldn't help the twinge in his heart at that, of course Nancy did...she was such a kind soul deep down, always wanting to help. 

Well Steve supposed he was a bit biased after all. 

"That's nice buddy, the other girls get jealous?" Steve was trying here. 

"I guess…" Dustin stopped and finished his slice. He swallowed his food down with contemplation. 

"Does it happen often?" 

"What jealous girls?" 

"No Steve...your dad?"  _ Oh… _

"Nah...he's barely around anyways." Steve worked one of his cheeks up. 

"You know I don't have a dad." Dustin whispered and for once didn't go for seconds, instead twisting his fingers about in anxiety. Steve couldn't help his leg bouncing in response. 

"Well...I'll have you know, sometimes, dad's are overrated." Steve genuinely smiled at the other boy, and when Dustin's eyes started to light up it made it all worth it. 

"Yeah they are, aren't they?" Dustin asked with a small brittle smile. 

"Yup!" Steve popped back. 

"Fuck them then!" Dustin blurted out with a bit of fierceness too him. 

"WHOA! Whoa, whoa, whoa man! No, come on, language!" Dustin started giggling from Steve's scolding. 

"Honestly! What's your mom gonna say when she hears you dropping f-bombs!"

"'F-bombs' Steve really!?" Dustin cackled. 

"Yeah! F-bombs! Have some decency!" He teased right back, Dustin started bursting into laughter throwing his head back. His laughter was infectious. 

They finally calmed down and Steve looked down at his food, "okay, but seriously, please do  _ not _ say that in front of your mom, I'd die." Steve pleaded. 

Dustin just worked a mischievous smile at him, but he quickly sobered up. 

"Promise you'll tell someone Steve." Dustin's eyes were like bullets through Steve's soul. Steve couldn't meet his eyes, having to duck his head down back towards the food. 

"About what?" He tried to play dumb. 

"About your dad Steve, please?" Dustin's voice rang with desperation, and Steve flinched from it. 

"Yeah...okay...yeah I will." Steve lied, never looking up. 

"Okay…" Dustin sounded just like he did when Steve had seen red. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it! Please tell me what you think! The more comments I get the faster I post! 
> 
> And also I'm so sorry for how boring it may seem, this chapter is more of a filler or prep to some of the later chapters, so I'm sorry no craziness yet or billy, but hey! Tommy and dustin!
> 
> Again thank you everyone for the support and comments, and thank you again for reading!!
> 
> Look forward to the next chapter okay, cuz even in excited about it!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Finally finished finals! So we are back at a more frequent uploading schedule! 
> 
> And thank you everyone who commented, you guys are the reason this story is continuing! 
> 
> Hopefully this chapter will be more exciting than the last!

Steve had decided when he woke up that next morning, the day before school, that this day was going to be good. 

The birds were singing, the sun was shining, and the snow was melting. It was a good day. 

Well it was until Steve had stumbled upon his pile of homework he had been sitting on. It was all due tomorrow, and yet Steve hadn’t moved at all. 

Steve sighed...might as well. 

Steve sat down at the kitchen table with a sigh, flipping the pages over to take an actual look at everything he needed to do...it was a lot. 

He groaned, and scrubbed his face in frustration, landing on the math section...it was his best bet, less letters to try and read. 

By some miracle the phone started to ring and Steve wasn't going to let the distraction go to waste. 

He easily scrambled over to pick up the phone. 

"Yup!" Steve happily called through the phone. 

The line was silent for a few moments. 

"Steve?" Came a soft whisper. Steve blinked in contemplation. It was Will, sounding just as nervous and fearful as Steve felt.

"Hey buddy, what's up?" Steve offered, "everything okay?" 

"Yeah..yeah, ummm…" Will seemed to struggle for a moment, processing for words, Will was always so meticulous with his diction. 

"So...today is the last day of break…" Will whispered softly, his voice barely reaching Steve's ears. 

"Yeah." Steve answered. 

"Well...I...you told...you said to call you if I wanted to?" Will asked so softly, and Steve's heart crumbled, he wondered offhandedly if he had sounded like that when he was a kid. 

"Yeah man! What's up?" Steve smiled into the receiver. 

"Oh! Umm...well..the party is going to the arcade...and I was wondering..ummm.." Steve closed his eyes and smiled. 

"You need a ride?" He offered with a bright smile painted on his lips. 

"Oh! Oh! Yeah.. if you don't- if you aren't busy, that is." Will stammered and Steve beamed, looking back at his pile of homework. 

"Yeah, not busy at all! When do you want to go?" Steve let his eyes travel towards the window to see the snow melting in his front lawn. 

"Oh...whenever, we're meant to meet up at twelve." Steve glanced over towards the grandfather clock; eleven twenty. 

"You know what, I'll swing over now, okay?" Steve offered. 

"O-okay!" Will stuttered, sounding as if a weight was taken off his shoulders. 

"See you soon Will." Steve parted with. He then hung up the phone with a smile, eyes flickering to his keys on the cadenza and feeling like his old self again. He shuffled on his shoes, not bothering to tie his left shoe and let his fingers nimbly spin his keys in his hand. 

He whistled softly as he pulled on his down feathered jacket and stepped out, listening to the birds whistling back. 

He stopped as he reached his car and climbed in easily and started driving. 

He placed his music on and hummed to the tune as he drove, the road was defrosting about and there seemed to be some trees gaining life again, leaves starting to sprout. 

He turned down the main road and started heading towards the Byers, passing all of Hawkins to do so. 

It was so...peaceful for once, Steve couldn't even say why he felt so... _ good. _

It was just a pleasant drive as he sped down, it was Sunday and most of Hawkins was lazing about or at church, or doing some grocery shopping. Steve hadn't been to church in….well over a couple years now, probably since he was ten, when his parents went on that long Italy trip. 

He drove past the church to see all the other church goers finally leaving, Dustin was probably amongst them, as well as Lucas, if he remembered correctly. 

He cut passed the shopping centers and then the grocery store, passed the theater and then hit the emptiness. 

The Byers really did have a creepy location for a house. It was near the poorer part of town, but a touch further into the woods. The poorer part of town was right next to the railroads and consequently by the junkyard. 

All the houses there were run down and small, usually painted in old chipped colors that faded so bad it was kind of hard to tell if they were ever vibrant once. 

Joyce's house was thankfully not in those neighborhoods, instead down a beaten dirt path into a small empty area surrounded by woods. It was just the same as those small houses, but the Byers was filled with much more character. 

Steve passed by a house that had a Blue Camaro parked in front of it, and he couldn't help but wonder if Billy actually lived close to Will. He never did know where Hargrove lived, but he had heard the gossip of 'white trash', something he didn't personally believe in. 

If anything, Hargrove was more...surfer dude...bad boy? Steve wasn't good at picking stereotypes but...Billy was definitely  _ something. _ A Californian something? He wasn't too sure. 

Steve pulled down the dirt road towards the Byers, finally reaching it with a small creak of his car. 

His tires never did like that frozen mud. 

He stepped out and slowly headed over to the front door, spinning his keys in his hand. 

As he walked closer he saw a flash of brown by the roof and froze-  _ was it?  _

No.  _ Definitely not. _

It couldn't be.

Steve shook his head, it was just a normal bird, birds lived in Hawkins, and this one had just flown away, it hadn't landed to just stare at him creepily. 

"Steve?" Steve turned back towards the house to see Joyce. 

"Mrs. Byers!" He smiled, she winced. 

"Joyce, please Steve." 

"Right, Joyce, hi!" Steve bundled up closer to her, she looked a little frazzled, but significantly better than when Steve had last seen her. Which reminded him. 

Steve ducked his head down, in a small bow as he opened his mouth to speak. 

"Joyce, I wanted to thank you fo-" 

"Oh sweetheart, you don't have to do that." Steve jumped as she placed a gentle hand on his head. Steve flushed with embarrassment as he looked back up to meet her eyes (only for a second, holding it for any longer was too much). 

Her eyes seemed to narrow down on Steve, zeroing in on the thumbprint bruise on his cheek. 

"You feeling better honey?" She whispered softly. 

"Much, thank you." Steve relented, she nodded looking somber but let a smile tug on her lips despite that. 

"I'm glad...you're here for Will?" She stepped aside to let Steve in, and the house looked so much more...warm. The christmas tree was still up, even though it was mostly dead now, and teetering, and the fairy lights around the room were a nice touch. 

"Yeah, is he ready?" Steve asked as he made sure to stay in the walkway, he didn't want to track mud through the house. 

"He should be." She smiled softly looking down the hallway, "Will! Steve is here!" She called out ever so gently, and it was odd to have her be by his side and not have his ears ring loudly at her exclamation. 

Joyce Byers just had a special voice it seemed. 

"Thank you Steve for doing this, he's really been looking forward to this and well...with Jonathan out-" Joyce started. 

"It's my pleasure, Will's a good kid." Steve smiled back right as Will opened his door and closed it ever so slowly. He started down the hallway, a nervous smile reaching his lips. Steve beamed. 

"Hey man! You ready?" Will's smile started to brighten. 

"Yeah, thank you again Steve!" 

"Anytime man! I told you I'd be there!" Steve smirked, gently reaching over to ruffle his hair in affection. He really did care a lot for Will...poor kid reminded Steve too much of himself. 

Except Will had been dealt an even harsher card. 

Will smiled up at him, it was finally reaching his eyes. 

"Bye mom." He smiled as he started to pull on his jacket, his shoes already on. Joyce was quick to crowd Will, smothering him with kisses, and a hug. 

"Okay, bye, be back before seven okay!" Will nodded easily, and Steve hated the pang of jealousy in his bones. 

"Come on, let's go!" Steve bundled out, trying to keep his peppy mood back up, heading back outside toward his car. Will followed, although the minute he stepped outside his shoulders hunched up in fear. 

Steve was quick to get to his car, letting Will climb into the passenger seat. He made sure the music wasn’t blasting and started on his way towards the arcade. 

“You excited?” Steve asked, he could practically taste the tension rolling of Will as he hugged his bag in his lap. 

“Yeah.” Will offered, a half hearted attempt of a smile on his lips. Steve nodded, letting the car descend into a somewhat uncomfortable silence. 

It was a bit uncomfortable, he felt like he had sort of kidnapped Will here, with the way he sat, and acted. 

Steve sucked in his lips, wanting to speak but unsure on how to strike up a conversation. 

“Thank you for picking me up.” Will breathed out. 

“Oh- yeah, anytime Bud.” 

“I…” Will started and Steve patiently waited for him to finish. “I just...He got me outside, in a field.” He whispered. 

“Who did?” 

“The Mind Flayer.” was the answer, and it was as if the temperature dropped in the car by ten degrees. 

“Oh.” Steve offered blandly. 

They drove past more houses reaching into the main shops. Will turned his head out towards the window, watching the scenery pass by, his hand started to rise up to touch the back of his neck. 

“Sometimes...I feel like he’s still here.” Will whispered ever so somberly, and Steve shivered as he recalled a red web. 

* * *

  
  


Getting to the arcade was surprisingly less awkward, Will seemed to be in a better mood with the promise of games, and seeing his friends. 

But his ominous words about the Mind Flayer was more than enough to make the day a little more creepy in the end. 

“Steve! Will!” Dustin bounded down from the arcade, tripping into the asphalt to smack into Steve’s side, an arm shooting out to snag Will’s side. Steve tried not to wince at Dustin's unintentional pinpoint accuracy to hit his bruises. 

“I didn’t know you were coming?” He directed towards Steve. 

“Yeah, well I couldn’t miss out to spend time with my two favorite people.” Steve ruffled both Will’s hair and Dustin’s hat. Dustin was quick to smack Steve’s hand away, "don't tell the others," Steve whispered conspiratorially towards Will with a wink. Will blushed and Dustin merely preened under the attention, finally tugging Will inside the building. Steve pulled his jacket closer to his body as he followed behind. 

Inside he could already see the kids crowding around the redhead Max, rapidly pressing buttons on one of the arcade machines. Steve had honestly never been in the arcade, Tommy had always expressed how it was  _ too nerdy _ for them to spend time in. 

Honestly Steve had always wanted to go inside, it looked like it would be a lot of fun, especially with how many times he had seen clusters of kids enjoying themselves as they piled out. 

Something bad must've happened since after a few moments all the kids groaned out in frustration and Max kicked the machine before her. 

Steve slowly walked over to see a game over screen. 

"Damn and you were so close too." Lucas whined and Max only seemed to bask in the injustice of it all, another swift kick for good measure. Steve felt inclined to step in. 

"Hey, hey, maybe not kick the machine?" Steve attempted. 

It was a mistake. 

It was then Mike really seemed to notice the older boy's presence. 

"Wait...what are you doing here?" Mike questioned, Steve luckily had enough experience to not let his cheeks flame up with embarrassment. 

He could have left...and gods how embarrassing was it that the only people he hung out with recently were a bunch of middle schoolers…and occasionally his own bully. (Well not so much recently).

Gods Steve really was a loser…

"What? I can't hang out with the most awesome people in town?" Steve scowled, "and no shitbag, it isn't you." He pointed out for good measure, just feeling a little vindictive in that moment. Mike really was a little shit sometimes, his face completely morphing into a furious scowl. 

Yeah not the best first interaction. 

"I'm here to make sure you guys stay out of trouble, plus I like Will." Steve amended, pointing towards Will with a smile, the boy smiled back, his eyes crinkling. 

"What about me!?" Dustin blurted out. 

"And Dustin." Steve tacked on, a smile playing on his lips at Mike's reddened ears. 

"I was going to ask if you were better, but now I don't care." Mike spat out, Steve winced at the venom of it…

"Fair." He nodded awkwardly, that seemed to make Mike relent. 

"What games do you play Steve?" Dustin asked eagerly, "we can play those!" Mike crossed his arms angrily, but it wasn't nearly as fierce as it had been. 

"Oh…" Steve looked around the dark building, eyes running over the other machines and players hunched over at them. 

"This ummm….is my first time in the Arcade actually." 

"What!?" Came the loud screech, even Max looked baffled. 

"How- how have you not played anything?" Mike look absolutely stumped, and if it wasn't oddly embarrassing, Steve would've laughed. 

"Uh...it just...wasn't my thing?" Steve tried to explain. In all honesty, he only hadn't because Tommy told him not to. 

"Jock." Lucas nodded as if it explained everything. 

"No! No, Steve is a nerd!" Dustin blurted out. Steve had to do a double take at that.

"Since when have I been a nerd?" Mike nodded, he probably approved of the sentiment. 

"You...you liked X-men." Will piped up. Steve turned to him, barely remembering that comic,  _ he hadn't liked it, they had just told it to him.  _

"I gu-" 

"You like X-men?" Mike interrogated, face twisted in disbelief. Steve remembered the soft words of Dustin in his head reminding him about how Steve had almost gotten kicked out of the party for not knowing a simple thing. 

"Yeah...kinda." Steve shrugged, "it's a…," his eyes looked away, "new development." Max raised an eyebrow up at him, but Dustin was smiling like he was proud. 

"Well fine...I guess you can try and be a nerd now." Mike snapped.

"I thought he was a prep?" Max whispered, 

"Nah, he's a jock." Lucas replied, "remember the bat?" 

"Oooh... _ right."  _ Max whispered back. 

Steve just shook his head,  _ how was this his life now.  _

"Well here! We can teach you how to play!" Dustin grinned, dragging Steve to a new machine, it read Pac-Man in bolded yellow letters.

"Lucky for you, we have the best players right here!" Dustin swung his arms as if giving a dramatic reveal, swinging them over to Max who looked absolutely bored. 

"I'm not teaching him." Was her response. 

"Come on Max!" Dustin whined. 

"No way! This is just you trying to learn my secrets! I'm not doing it!" Steve sighed as the kids started to squabble. 

"How about I just...try it." Steve offered, stepping up towards the game. Mike scoffed, "as if you could just get it." 

Steve frowned, "it's worth a shot." He shrugged, Dustin handed him two quarters. 

He slid them in, a screen telling him to press start appeared. Steve had no idea what he was doing here. 

"You just move the joystick to avoid the ghosts, and eat all the dots." Will offered helpfully, he was indeed a saint. 

Steve nodded, pressing start to see a blue maze in front of him, a red ghost appearing at the top of the screen, already Steve didn't like this. There wasn't any music, just an odd technical sound as the yellow circle moved around the screen. 

"No! Don't go that way!" Came an annoyed huff behind him, the kids all crowding his space. Steve hit the joystick to try and go up, hitting one of the bigger orbs, making the now three ghosts turn blue. 

"Wha-" 

"Quick go get the ghosts!" Dustin screeched out, a finger jabbing out to point towards the blue ghost in the screen. Steve didn't understand a thing. 

Mike groaned as all the ghosts turned back into their colors. 

"Don't-" 

"No go away from the ghosts!" Lucas cried out. Steve hated the odd tension of it, feeling instantly overtly pressured, his eyes starting to pang in his skull. 

Suddenly steve smacked into the red ghost, causing the circle to open up into nothing. Steve felt his breath rise a bit. 

"You have another life." Dustin supplied. 

"He didn't even get the cherries." Max whispered. 

"You're bad at this." Mike called out. Steve rolled his eyes. It was almost instantaneous how quick Steve died.

"One last life." Lucas called out. 

"Don't worry...it's your first time." Will offered softly. 

"Yeah, you'll get better!" Dustin tried to cheer, but even he looked disappointed by Steve's lack of skills. 

Steve hated how badly he was failing at it, it was like reading all over again, just failure after failure. 

He didn't even notice the red ghost sneak up behind him. 

Game over.

Steve took a step back. 

"Wow...I've never seen someone fail so bad." Mike looked somewhat impressed, and Will tried to smile, his eyes full of pity. 

"Ugh! Fine! I'll show you how to play!" Max shoved Steve out of the way, Steve awkwardly bumped into Lucas, almost falling over. 

"Watch and learn okay!" She growled out, pulling two quarters out herself. 

"I thought you weren't going to show him how to play!" Mike teased. 

"Yeah well, this is thanks for saving my ass in the bus." Max offered as the game started up again, expertly moving across the screen, avoiding the bigger orbs. Steve watched, enraptured as the yellow orb moved across the screen. 

"Bus?" Mike looked dumbfounded. 

"Yeah." Dustin and Lucas replied back, not giving an answer. Steve watched as Max maneuvered to avoid the ghosts, bouncing back and forth once and a while and even waiting right next to a bigger orb until all the ghosts were right upon her, finally getting the orb to get all the now blue ghosts. 

It was incredible how fast she cleared the stage, not losing a life once, hell at one point she went off the screen to appear on the other side and Steve hadn't even known that was a possibility! When it got to the next level she stepped back with ease. Letting the game end on it's own. 

"Got it?" She asked turning back to Steve and Steve did. If there was  _ one  _ thing Steve was actually good at, it was things with his hands, as well as learning. 

Well to a point. 

Steve stepped forward with a nod, "yeah, I can do it now." He smirked, knowing he could crush it now, restarting the game with two more quarters. 

This time he mimicked Max's movements, not repeating her same path, seeing as the ghosts didn't repeat their walkways, but now, now Steve understood how the game worked. 

He won even faster than Max, sure he did have a lower score in the end, but he had made it to the next level. 

The thing about Steve was all he needed was to see someone else perform it and Steve could replicate it to a T. It was probably why he was so good at sports, never really needing much coaching besides to watch better players to learn. 

At one point his mother had been interested seeing as he had been able to reproduce a song on the piano after watching the maid play. That unfortunately was where his talent ended though, just because he could mimic something didn't mean he was smart. 

Steve passed the second level with ease, this time managing to get a pretty highschool for eating some of the ghosts and getting the cherries. 

"Whoa…" the kids were all crowding around him and even Mike was silent as Steve passed the third level without losing a life. 

"No way...you sure you've never played before?" He heard Lucas ask behind him. 

"Yeah! I mean...you could have been tricking us!" Mike called out. 

"But he  _ was _ really bad before…" Max trailed off. Steve felt his tongue poke out in concentration, avoiding another ghost. 

"Guess I just have a good coach." Steve offered, Max looked absolutely baffled by the praise. Steve didn't have time to process it though, stuck surrounded by the ghosts, trying to out maneuver, but they were faster, he would need to find a bigger orb soon. 

"No one can be that good on just….one try!" Lucas squealed. 

"But Steve is really good at things." Will whispered back. 

"That's right!" Dustin piped up, "oh quick! The power up!" Dustin cried out, Steve was already ahead of him, turning the yellow circle around to eat all the blue ghosts in a line. 

It was just a game, and yet Steve felt like his adrenaline was kicking up, he felt... _ alive.  _

_ Today was going to be a good day.  _

Until he heard a loud crunch behind him. 

Steve had just reached the fifth level when the familiar crunching of someone chewing appeared behind him. Steve didn't even have to ponder on who it was. 

"Hello Keith." Steve's eye twitched. He could hear Keith smacking his lips behind him, obnoxiously close. 

"Harrington." 

"You know Keith?" Came Dustin's bewildered cry. Steve didn't answer instead focusing on the game. 

"This isn't really your scene, what you doing here." Keith talked through his chewing, the loud crunch grating on Steve's nerves. 

"Dude, back up, do you have to eat right in my ear." Steve growled out, his head starting to throb. 

Keith crunched again more obnoxiously. 

"I asked you a question." Keith said again. 

"Back off ass! He's with us." Dustin defended, Steve won another level. 

"Whoa, cool it firestarter, I'm just wondering why the king is here." Keith replied, another crunch. 

"The king?" Max asked confused. 

"Is that like your scoreboard name?" Lucas asked out loud. Steve twisted his head a bit feeling a tingle in the back of his neck at the uncomfortable noise of someone chewing in his ear. 

"Dude, seriously back up! Its gross!" Steve commanded. Not that anyone ever listened to him. 

He managed to just barely survive, his brain having a hard time concentrating. 

"No, King Steve." Keith supplied like it was the answer to solve everything, as if the kids would know that stupid nickname. 

He ate another what sounded to be cheeto with the way it crunched, Steve's eye throbbed for a moment, his eyelid twitching. 

"What?" Dustin asked. 

"Is that his class?" Will asked gently. Steve shook his head, making dumb mistakes. 

"No, I doubt he even knows what that means." Keith replied, another loud crunch. 

"Hey,  _ 'he' _ is right here so maybe shut up." Steve growled, sheesh he just had the worst luck sometimes, first Tommy, now Keith, why didn't they just leave him alone? 

"Since when do you play games Harrington." Was his only reply, another frustratingly gross crunch behind him, Steve lost a life. 

"Since now dickweed, so back off." Steve sniped. 

He started playing again. 

"You're not that good, huh." Keith asked. 

"Hey shut up Keith!" Dustin growled, it looked like he had flipped the other boy off in Steve's peripheral vision. 

"Yeah he's actually doing really good." Will piped up, slightly bumping into Steve's left side, as if for comfort. 

It didn't stop the growing headache in Steve's mind. He rolled his eyes. 

"Shut up, Keith, leave us alone." Steve snarled, he only had one more life and he didn't want to waste it. 

He managed to win another round. 

Of course nothing happened, in fact Keith only seemed to get louder. 

"Wait...I'm still confused by 'king Steve'" was Max's voice. 

"That's this guys title, or well it was." Keith drawled on, and already Steve was feeling a burning in him, an itch. 

He lost another life. 

He only had the one last chance to win the level.

"Title?" Will questioned. 

All of the jabbering was really starting to grate on Steve's nerves, his mind starting to reach blinding pain. He just barely avoided running straight into a ghost. 

"Yeah, our little dethro-" Steve died, a game over screen appearing, "-ned K-" 

Steve whipped around, "I said shut the  _ fuck  _ up Keith, and  _ back off!"  _ His voice dipping into pure rage. 

Keith's eyes snapped to Steve's own, and with a weird stiffness to him, he turned around awkwardly and stalked right out of the building. 

"Whoa…" Lucas breathed out. Will shivered behind Steve and Steve brought a hand up to rub at his temple. 

"You really scared him!" Came a small plea of glee from Dustin, finally turning to Steve and his eyes widened. 

"Dude...you okay?" Dustin whispered and the whole party turned to look at Steve instead. 

"Yeah fine." Steve huffed, feeling his nose start to run. 

"You're bleeding." Mike pointed out, and Steve froze. 

"What?" 

"Your nose." Max retold him, pointing towards his face. Steve brought a shaky hand up to his face, letting his fingers hit the warmth under his nose, he pulled it back to see a stark red against his fingers. 

"Oh." Steve breathed out. 

"You know what guys...I'm gonna head out." Steve whispered, feeling his eyesight swirling with black spots. His head aching and ripping inside himself. 

"I'll come with!" Dustin called out, heading after Steve. 

"No! Please. I just need to sleep it off." Steve offered, rubbing the blood away, although it just kept pouring out. Mike's eyes narrowed as he watched Steve go. Dustin looked hurt but Steve couldn't bring himself to fully care, his head blinding him in pain. 

"I don't trust you to make sure Will is safe, so Nancy will take us home." Mike stated, not giving any space for argument. 

Steve simply nodded, noticing Will rubbing the back of his neck in a look of complete blankness. 

Steve walked out, following Keith out, noticing a blue Camaro pull up. He winced as the sunlight hit his eyes and stumbled out to pull the keys into his hand. 

Steve looked up seeing Billy eye him in a look that bordered confusion. 

Steve simply took a deep breath, and wiped the blood away again to nod at Billy who only nodded back, starting to head inside the arcade. 

Steve shivered, opening his car and getting inside to go home. 

* * *

  
  


If anyone asked Steve (not that anyone would) what exactly had transpired at the Arcade he wouldn't exactly be able to answer. 

But as he drove home he passed Keith shivering in the cold air walking as if a gun was pressed to his head, each step filled with determination. 

Steve watched him as his head panged, a green string speared through Keith's head, and Steve swerved to the left. 

He watched with dawning horror as the green string didn't disappear, his nose bleeding. The string floated into the air and was tacked straight through Steve. He choked as more blood poured out and Steve froze as he noticed multiple strings coming from his chest. 

_ Oh gods.  _

** _Oh gods. _ **

** _What….what was happening!?_ **

Steve took a shaking hand to the green string and when he blinked it all disappeared and Keith seemed to snap out of the stupor. 

_ Oh...oooooh this wasn't good.  _

Steve choked down the urge to vomit, instead looking forward and screeching towards his house. 

It was all a blur reaching his house and stumbling inside, his blue folder clutched into his hands as he trembled. 

He didn't make it far in the house, instead collapsing into the entranceway pulling the folder open with wild eyes. 

The pages creaked and crinkled but Steve didn't even care, instead trying to get his eyes to focus on the words, his nose still bleeding, little droplets of blood plopping onto the page. 

His eyesight was blurred but he strained to focus, the words bleeding together. 

_ 'Proof of purchase'…. _ he scanned further,  _ 'ship-' _ steve could barely make out the words, he reached up and rubbed his eyes ruthlessly. 

Refocusing down at the pages. 

_ 'Subject to change….further notice…'  _ Steve screamed out in frustration, a full guttural noise that was filled with desperation. 

_ Why couldn't he just read!  _

_ Why was he stuck with being such a dumbass!?  _

Steve knew he wasn't going to be able to read these...the words were too small, too cramped, and even then, the letters switched. 

He felt his eyes blur with tears in frustration.

He scrubbed them away angrily, he was going to need help. 

As much as he didn't want to admit it. 

But he  _ needed _ to know! Something wasn't right here, something was  _ wrong _ with Steve, he could feel it in his bones. 

He could remember his parents in the beginning, soft questions of  _ 'did you have any strange dreams?'  _ And  _ 'did something odd happen today?'  _

It wasn't right!  _ It wasn't right! _

_ He  _ ** _needed _ ** _ answers, and they were  _ ** _right here!_ **

And yet...he couldn't read them. 

He couldn't let it sit anymore...none of it...he needed to ask someone to read the file for him. 

Which severely narrowed down his options, one, he needed someone who already knew about his adoption, and two, he needed someone who could read fairly well. 

Which really only left one option….Billy Hargrove. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's that! In all honestly there was going to be A LOT more, but it was getting too long, and I decided to cut it into two chapters. 
> 
> Now! Please tell me what you think! The more comments, the faster I update, it really keeps me motivated and encouraged to keep writing. 
> 
> Thank you again for reading!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas, and Happy Holdiays everyone! 
> 
> I wanted to make sure I got this chapter finished by today as a gift to everyone!
> 
> Thank you so so so much for all the love and support and the comments, my confidence in writing and gotten pretty high becuase of it, and thank you all for it, it really means a lot to me, 
> 
> I deal with very bad depression, and reading all your comments really motivates me and makes my day. 
> 
> So thank you all again, for everything!

Honestly….going to Hargrove's house was probably _ the _dumbest idea yet. 

First of all, he wasn't entirely sure if this was in fact Billy's home. Sure the infamous blue Camaro was parked in front but that wasn't a guarantee...and even then.

Steve didn't know what the repercussions would be of him interrupting Billy's home life- of well his father specifically. 

It was too dangerous and yet Steve couldn't bring himself to leave, he needed answers and Billy was his best bet. 

All of this led to Steve camping out in his Beemer tapping against his steering wheel in nerves.

He couldn't decide, the anxiety making him stay put, and the desire not allowing him to leave.

He thunked his head down onto his steering wheel. 

His mind was still aching and he was lost...but he couldn't let this go...he couldn't…

Steve looked over towards the house and sighed, it would be better to catch Billy at school tomorrow...he knew that...but he couldn't wait. 

Steve jumped when a harsh knocking came from behind him on his window. He whipped around to meet Billy's blue eyes. 

"Billy?" Steve asked, rolling his window down. 

"Princess. What are you doing, squatting in front of my house like a fucking creep." He had a raised eyebrow and his lips were pursed as if he had eaten something sour. 

"I…" Steve looked back to the house. 

"You have free time?" Steve asked turning back to Billy. Billy's eyes narrowed in on Steve's question, a smirk playing out on his lips. 

"Why? If you wanted to ask me out, you should have just asked." He teased, his tongue flitting out. Steve scowled in response. 

"No!" He looked back at the house, "just do you?" Billy looked bored as if Steve had ruined all his fun. 

"Yeah. My dad and Susan won't be home until late tonight." Billy raised an eyebrow again. "Why?" 

"Don't laugh." Steve ordered with a plea, feeling his cheeks heat up. Yeah...steve hadn't really thought this through. He hadn't thought about the embarrassed that was going to result from his question. 

"No promises pretty boy." Billy shook his head leaning on Steve's car. Steve ducked his head down, trying to ignore the urge to leave, he needed that help. 

"Get in the car." Steve commanded, sucking in his lips. 

"I'm not your bitch to order around Har-" 

"Please Billy." Steve interrupting Billy's growl. He pleaded out with such desperation. Billy's eyes widened and he looked thoroughly disturbed. 

"Fucking…" he leaned away from the car with a huff, looking at his car and then walking around, "fine!" He barked out, snapping the door open and climbing inside. 

"What do you want Princess?" Hargrove scowled. 

"I need your help." Steve offered, making sure to roll the windows back up, he couldn't have anyone knowing about what he was going to be asking Billy. 

Hargrove's eyebrows shot up and his eyes flickered around as if he was a caged animal. 

"With what." It wasn't a question, or at least it didn't sound like one, instead it sounded like a command, a demand to answer. Steve let his fingers fall from the steering wheel. 

"Let's go to my place." Steve tried. 

"Why?" Hargrove's hand reached out towards the handle. 

"If you don't tell me Harrington, I'm not doing shit." Hargrove hissed and Steve flinched. 

"Look...you remember about my adoption?" Billy's lips curled. 

"Vaguely." He replied. 

"Well...I'm trying to...get more info on it." Steve offered lamely. 

"And? I'm meant to help, _ how?" _ Billy was always good at sounding like an asshole. 

"Dude could you please just not be an ass for five minutes!" 

"Wow Steve, you know just the way to a man's heart." Billy huffed. 

"Just come on, I need your help with just...discerning something." Steve attempted again.

"_ Wow, _ discerning. That's a big word for you." Steve scowled. 

"Oh _ har, har, _ I'm dumb." Steve threw his hands up. Billy puffed out a small laugh. 

"Which, speaking of me being dumb!" Steve sequewayed Billy glanced over at Steve in confusion. 

Steve reached back, nearly falling over, twisting over to pull the blue folder out. He clutched it tight in his hands and glanced over to Billy under his eyelashes, he used to be able to make Tommy do anything with that trick. 

Billy did a double take, almost leaning away. 

"I need you to read this for me." Steve handed over the file. 

"Are you for fucking real?" Billy blanched. 

"Yeah." 

Billy readjusted to really turn fully towards Steve, looking in between disbelief and mistrust.

"No shit?" He asked, borederlining acceptance. 

"I'm serious here." Steve whispered back. Billy looked out the window in contemplation and then moved back to really look at Steve, letting his eyes roam over him. 

"You honestly can't just read it yourself?" He asked. 

"Look man! Yeah I'm a fucking illigamite!" Steve blurted out in frustration, "you gonna help or not!?" 

"Illigamite? What?" Billy scrunched up his face. 

"I can't read asshole!" Steve hurled out. 

Billy blinked and then shook his head. 

"You mean illiterate. And no, nope, don't believe that, you're a fucking senior." He pointed out as if that explained everything. Steve sighed, he hated having to explain this. 

"Look, I never learned how to make the letters stay still okay, so yeah my bad, just please, you gotta help me out!" Steve clasped his hands together and tried the look again, Billy looked almost like he was constipated for a moment. 

"Cut that shit out! And letters stay still? The fuck you on about?" Billy gruffed out. 

Steve sighed angrily. Throwing his arms out for good measure. 

"You know! When the letters switch on you and the word doesn't make sense anymore!" He tried to explain.

"What?" Billy looked absolutely dumbfounded. 

"Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about!" Steve huffed out in exasperation. 

Billy did a double take before looking around, opening the passenger compartment. 

"You have a pen?" He asked, searching through Steve's things. 

"What are you doing?" Steve asked, "get out of there." 

"I'm asking for a pen Pretty Boy, you have one or not?" He looked absolutely miffed and Steve couldn't understand a single thing going on in the other boys head. 

Steve watched as he kept looking. 

"A pen Harrington!" He snapped and Steve jumped to move, "sheesh Hargrove calm the fuck down." He turned around, straining to reach for his old backpack in the back seat, grabbing inside to pull out a pen. 

"Here." He tossed it but with some frustration Billy caught it work ease. He smirked and started writing on the blue folder. 

"Hey! Hey! Don't write on it!" 

"Right here." Billy ignored him, turning the folder towards Steve to show a small word. "What's this word?" He pointed to it tapping it three times. 

Steve blinked in disbelief. 

"Are you serious?" 

"Yeah asshole, deadly, answer the question." Billy gruffed out, tapping the word again, this time five times. 

Steve shook his head and rolled his eyes, looking over at the neat scrawl. 

"Really Hargrove, writing bra," Steve scowled, looking back at Hargrove who had a bewildered expression on his face. "how immature are you." Steve shook his head again, crossing his arms. 

"...you're serious right now?" Billy whispered in pure disbelief. 

"What?" Steve looked Billy over, finding no jokes within the other boy.

"Not fucking with me?" He scowled. 

"What are you talking about?" Steve tilted his head, relooking at the word written on the folder. He stared at it intensely, finding the letters blurring and switching on him. "Oh...it says bar huh..." he tried, it could be the only other word, he knew the letters were A, B, and R, but the order kept switching. 

Billy completely leaned back, a hand reaching up to tug at his hair. 

"Shit…" he breathed out, then he turned back to Steve. "Dude, and no one noticed- " he cut himself off with a breathy laugh of disbelief and Steve had no idea what was happening, "of course they didn't!" He threw his hands up. 

"okay fine! Fine! I'll help out" he growled out, pulling at his own hair which really looked painful. Steve winced but it was finally everything Steve needed to hear. 

"Thanks man! I owe you!" Steve breathed out.

"Yeah you do princess!" Billy snapped. He kicked at the dashboard and scowled, "might as well drive to your castle princess." He threw his hand out. 

Steve quickly nodded, not wanting to have Billy back out of helping him out. 

"Okay! Yeah…" he drove off. Letting the car descend into silence and the angry huffs of Hargrove next to him.

"Why...what did you mean by no one noticed? No one noticed what?" 

Steve asked as they drove, heading to his house. Billy kept his eyes outside, turned away from Steve. 

"Why was your nose bleeding when you left the arcade today." Billy asked right back. Steve watched the road as he thought.

"I don't know...I'm…" he tried to think, he knew that yes, the weather could give him nosebleeds, and yes, his concussion was still affecting him...but he didn't know anymore, he didn't know what was happening. 

"Honestly Billy, that's what I'm trying to figure out." Steve gasped out, feeling his stomach twist. 

He could feel Billy's eyes land on him.

The car became silent again, and Steve wanted to fidget under it, he never did like the silence. 

Steve turned down his street, heading towards his house. 

"Did the priss bitch call you dumb?" Billy asked and Steve snapped to him for a moment. 

"What?" 

"The priss bitch." Billy repeated with his raised eyebrow, "the Wheeler one." Steve blanched. 

"Don't call her that!" Billy scowled in response. 

"Answer the damn question." 

"No she didn't!" Steve lied, sure she called him an idiot, but it was in affection! Or...well he assumed it was. Now a days Steve wasn't too sure of anything. 

"Hmm." Billy offered as if he didn't believe the answer, turning away from Steve as they reached their destination. 

Steve climbed out of the car, his blue folder in Hargrove's hand. 

"You never answered my question." Steve pointed out as he walked up to his front door, unlocking it. 

"Noticed what?" Steve whispered as he stepped into his house. He looked up to meet Billy's blue eyes his breathing starting to pick up. 

"That you can't read." Billy spoke nonchalantly. Steve snorted at that. 

"Of course everyone noticed that!" He barked out a laugh, "it's pretty obvious I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed." He pointed out with a wry smile. Billy's face stayed perfectly blank in response, not amused by Steve's reply. 

"I meant the dyslexia." 

"What?" Steve blinked, his smile slowly falling away.

"The dyslexia, I meant how come no one noticed _ that _." Billy was so good at making his words feel like they poked little holes through your soul, his tone always sounding patronizing. 

Steve swallowed, he didn't want to admit it, but Steve had no idea what that word meant.

"Yeah...they did." Steve lied, Billy narrowed his eyes at Steve. 

"I thought I told you I don't like to be lied to." Billy ordered. Steve flinched back, ducking his head down, a young girl's words ringing in his mind, _ 'friends don't lie.' _

"Okay...fine, I have- I don't know what that word is." Steve finally answered. Billy nodded although his face smirked as if he knew Steve was going to say that. What an _ ass. _

"Of course you don't, damn hicks." He said under his breath, Steve hated the sentiment. 

"It means you can't read basically," he pointed out, his hand even raising to actively point at Steve, "means letters switch on you."

Steve stopped for a moment to ponder on that. 

"Oh." Was all he had to offer up. 

"Yeah. Oh." Billy replied. 

Steve shook his head, "well that doesn't matter, just...can you read the folder." Steve persisted. Billy sighed as if his whole life was a weight on him. 

"Yeah Princess, I can." He growled out, pushing past Steve to get into the living room. 

"Oh, new couch." He snorted out. 

Steve nodded, not offering a proper reply. Billy looked him over and then sitting with a groan, "oh, these couches suck dick." He complained. 

Steve snorted in reply. 

"You could say that again." He laughed, happy to have someone else see how uncomfortable they were. 

"They suck dick." Billy deadpanned. Steve shook his head, sitting next to Billy and pushing the file open in the blonde's hands. 

"Okay! Start here." Steve prompted, he felt his heart thud wildly in his chest, he was finally going to get his answers. 

Billy rolled his eyes. "Fine _ your majesty." _

He looked it over and started reading. 

"Proof of purchase to one Andrew Scott Harrington- Whoa whoa...wait dude...this isn't.." Billy froze, his eyes scanning over the page in dawning horror. 

"What?" Steve asked, his heart thumping so hard against his chest he felt like it could beat itself right out of the house. 

"These aren't normal-" he blurted out in a look of horror, he couldn't keep his eyes away from the page. 

"I mean there isn't even a mention of a child!" He slapped a hand down at the page looking at Steve, "Jesus! They don't even have a mark of parentage, or anything it says "ownership!"' He screamed in alarm. 

Steve rolled his eyes, "Yeah Hargrove, I already know that!" He rolled his arm to get Billy to move on in his reading. Billy watched him curl his lips in a snarl. 

"You said adopted! Not fucking," he made his voice higher pitched in a weird mimic of Steve, "'bought so I can be some rich people's child slave'!" He jabbed a finger towards Steve. 

"That's old news Hargrove!" Steve shrugged, remembering the other boys mention of not being lied to, "And I'm sorry I lied about it, but look! I really need to know what else it says!" Steve pointed back at the folder. 

"This is fucked. It says 'asset'!" Billy screeched back, Steve sighed.

"Yeah..." Steve shrugged but looked back down at the folder, it was probably going to suck, but he needed to know. "just...just keep reading, please." Steve whispered. 

Billy looked him over and sighed, moving the paper away, looking at the next page. Pausing for a moment to look at the dark brown stains on the pages. 

"Is this blood?" His voice portrayed nothing, steve couldn't stop the flush of embarrassment. 

"Yeah...from the nosebleed earlier." Billy didn't even look up. 

"Gross." 

Steve didn't know how to answer, but luckily he didn't have to with the way Hargrove just powered on. 

"Terms and conditions." Billy read out, his body stiff as if he was waiting for a fight. 

"Additional costs- should any damage occurr to the 'Asset', there will be an additional charge-" Steve cut Billy off.

"What else does it say...anything about...me?" Billy met Steve eyes and ran a hand through his hair, his lips pursed. 

His eyes travelled through the words, and he flipped the pages. 

"Here's some sort of medical history." Steve nodded, his fingers twitching as he sat next to Billy, staring at the folder intently. 

"'Asset' has a weak heart and bad lungs, suggestion for increase on injection B."

"Injection B?" Steve whispered, what..._ what was that? _

"Doesn't say." Billy replied, he was biting his cheek now. 

"'Asset' seven probability unit at fifty-seven percent, probability subject to change with environment." Billy announced, his eyebrows furrowing, Steve scooted closer to try and look over the words. 

"Probability?" He breathed out, not really looking for an answer. Billy kept reading. 

"'Asset' acquired in Sankin, transferred to Cape North, started rehabilitation." Steve lifted his head to look at Billy. 

"Sankin? Cape North?" Steve met Billy's eyes, "w-where is that?" Billy's eyebrows were furrowed in confusion- or concern, it wasn't terribly clear. 

He then shrugged, "I don't recognize it." Steve shivered at the idea..._ where...where was he from… _

"Is there anything else?" Steve whispered, his heart sinking. Billy flipped the pages back and forth. 

"Nope." He stated. 

Steve deflated next to him, so much for finding out answers…

He collapsed in on himself, placing his head in his hands...so he was bought, and something about probability. 

But at least he learned about Sankin...his hometown. 

"Aren't you an adult now." Billy asked, watching Steve unravel. 

"What?" 

"You're eighteen right?" Billy pointed out. Steve hadn't even realized he was crying until he felt a tear slide down his cheek. 

"Yeah." Steve sniffled back, furiously scrubbing at his eyes to stop crying, how embarrassing was this. All his hopes for finding answers dashed. 

In fact the folder held nothing in it. 

"Why don't you leave." Billy announced, crossing his arms. 

"Leave?" Steve looked up in confusion. Billy looked beyond annoyed, Steve was an idiot for crying in front of the other boy. 

"Yeah leave this fucking town." Billy pointed out as if it was that simple. 

"I-...I can't." He whispered. Thinking about the upside down, about Dustin, but most of all thinking about his parents.

Billy scowled looking away. 

"Well you might be stuck, but I'm leaving as soon as I have enough money to do so." Billy stated angrily. Steve flinched away from Billy, but it made sense. He nodded in reply. 

"All I need to do is find a job." Billy told him, standing up, "well I did my job. You owe me now." He stated without looking at Steve and Steve didn't know what to say. 

It sure seemed as if Billy was trying to run away...Steve had thought they were a touch closer but now it felt like a wedge had appeared between them. 

"Right...uh...thanks, I'll drive you home." Steve whispered so softly, still trying to fight off the confusion and frustration of the day. 

Billy seemed to be struggling with something as Steve dug out his keys to head back out, he felt stupid having driven Billy all the way to his house to only have him stay for what- fifteen minutes? 

Steve shook his head trying to clear up the fogginess in his eyes, his tears refused to quit no matter how hard Steve tried to stop. 

Everything..._ everything... _ ** _everything_ **

** _The folder was meant to hold all the answers._ **

  
  


** _And yet it held _ ** ** _nothing. _ **

What kind of cruel joke was this. 

Steve wondered sometimes if he had been a criminal in his past life. 

Nothing of it was fair. 

_ Why wasn't it fair! _

"Hand over your keys." Billy demanded and Steve looked up, his eyesight completely blurry from tears. Steve simply did what he was told with a nod, ducking his head in shame. 

Gods, he was such a baby sometimes, why couldn't he just _ stop crying! _

Steve followed Billy out silently as his tears kept falling. 

He got in his car, in the passenger side as Billy sat in the driver's seat. The silence was deafening as Steve tried to get his breathing under control, his nose starting to run, his face feeling heated. 

He brought a hand up to wipe his runny nose. 

"Fuck Harrington, come on, buck up!" He heard Billy order, his voice obviously wavering in uncomfortability. "Stop crying. You're meant to be a man." 

  
  


_ 'What the fuck is wrong with you! Stop crying! You lousy little Mutt! Shut the fu-' _

Steve flinched back trying to swallow the rest of his despair. He heard Billy start the car. 

"Jesus." Billy breathed out as he started to back out of the driveway.

Steve kept his face away from Billy, purposely making sure he couldn't be seen as his tears started budding up again, he tilted his head up to try and stop them from spilling over; to maybe get them to dry up. 

"You really thought that had all the answers." Billy offered, driving uncharacteristically slow. Steve didn't dare answer, knowing his voice would betray him. He kept his eyes trained at the sky. 

They descended back into silence. He could hear Billy tapping against the steering wheel rapidly. 

"MmmFuck! Okay look! Just stop crying okay! I don't know how to deal with it." Billy spat out, Steve hunched his shoulders up. 

"L-look I'm sorry I-im trying here and y-y-your not making it any eas-easier" Steve stuttered out between trying to catch his breath,more tears spilling.

"Well then what am I supposed to do!?" Billy exploded. 

"Be nice d-dickweed!" Steve screeched back, "I-I've just had all my f-fu-fucking hopes dashed-" Steve sobbed, "and you sc-screaming is o-only going to ma-make it worse!" Steve whipped to look Billy up and down.

Billy looked like he was ready to murder someone. Steve was sure it was going to be him...not a bad way to go, he supposed.

"What were you expecting?" Billy growled. Steve looked back forward towards the road stretching before him.

_ What had Steve wanted… _

_ A family. A home. A belonging. _

"An answer." Steve whispered back, "a family." Steve looked down at his hands.

"Everything." The car fell back into silence as Billy took a turn a little too harshly. His knuckles were white from gripping the steering wheel and his face was flickering between constipation and the urge to destroy something. 

"Fuck- fine! You're gonna owe me double for this, and if you tell anyone I'm going to murder you. Got it!" Billy snapped, not once looking towards Steve. 

"What?" 

"I said do you got it!" He snapped, slowly picking up speed, Steve quickly nodded, not sure where this was going. 

  
  


"Look...I don't- fuck this." He growled out, seemed to be struggling with something. "I understand wanting to find...a home okay!" He twisted his grip on the wheel as if wanting to break it in half. Steve watched enraptured by what was occurring. 

"Wha-" 

"Look! We both have shit fathers," he hissed, "but I used to have a pretty cool mom." He offered, and for the barest of moment Steve thought he could see tears bubbling in the other boy's eyes. 

"But she's gone now and I'm stuck with a monster okay. So no use crying over it, we just need to grow the _ fuck _up! Find jobs, and get the hell out of here." He stated, as if it was law, as if it was true. 

Steve couldn't leave….he _ couldn't _ . _ He was owned. _

But _ Billy wasn't. _

"Right...get out of this hell hole." Steve whispered, feeling the tears arrive again. 

"Yeah. Trust me Harrington, stick to a plan, find a job, save up, and vanish." Was Billy's advice, turning down one lane harshly and Steve couldn't help staring. 

He thinks for a moment, in another life he could have been Billy in this moment, driving harshly, destroying everything in repressed frustration, and planning to leave at the drop of a hat. 

Now...now Steve is tied down, as if he was caught in that red web he had dreamed off. 

He had his parents who owned him, he wasn't his own person, but rather their investment, and then he had the government watching him. Even then he had an obligation, a purpose, to make sure the party survived to be adults. 

And then the Upside Down had sunk its claws in Steve. Changing him and twisting him into something else. 

Steve belonged to Hawkins. 

_ But Billy didn't. _

_ Billy hadn't been bought by a rich family. Billy hadn't taken part of a government conspiracy. Billy didn't have a party of thirteen year olds to watch. _

** _Billy hadn't been touched by the Upside Down. _ **

Billy could be _ free. _

  
  


Steve sucked in a breath. 

"Is that your plan?" He whispered, watching for any tells. 

"Yup. The minute I can, I'm out of this dump." Billy replied, they were finally driving down Billy's street. Steve nodded, just like he always did. 

"And you're saving up?" Steve prompted, he watched as Billy bit his lip. 

"I'm working on that, and the fuck is up with you, quit staring!" He growled, a light flush dancing on his cheeks. Steve slowly blinked to look down at his hands. 

"The community pool." He muttered. 

"What?" Billy asked.

"The community pool, you should go work there." Steve started, "they hire double the amount before the summer, and pay really well." He murmured, twisting his fingers. 

"It'll be easy to save up." Steve finished up, closing his eyes with a pained smile flitting across his face. 

Steve could feel it in his bones, Hawkins was rotting from the inside out, and Steve still had his roots firmly placed, it was too late for him, but not Billy. 

And maybe...maybe one of them could escape...it would be nice to see someone leave, make it out, escape Hawkins. 

Steve wished he was jealous, instead all he felt was a deep seeded despair. 

"Huh...I'll...check it out." Billy sounded uneasy, and how funny was that, how everything had flipped on them, here Steve was making Billy uncomfortable, making him nervous. 

They pulled to a stop outside an old beat up house. 

"You still owe me though." Billy ended with and Steve snorted, it was so Billy...in someway Steve knew this was him trying, him reaching out, his way of caring. 

Steve nodded, "of course." Their eyes met and for the first time ever Billy was the first to turn away, climbing out of Steve's beemer. Steve did the same to walk around to the driver's side. 

He walked in front of the hood were Billy stood perfectly still, Steve's keys in his hand. 

Steve grabbed them and lingered as he touched Billy's hand, he didn't know why...maybe in some way he wanted to snag Billy in the web too, to snatch him up into Hawkin's thorns, to drag someone down with him, someone who understood. 

Billy snatched his hand away. 

They stood awkwardly in place and Steve looked back at the floor, moving around Billy to get in the driver's seat. 

"Thanks, Billy." Steve spoke softly. He didn't bother to look at the Blonde's reaction. 

"Hey. You still owe me." Steve let a small smile fall on his face.

"Of course, wouldn't dream of getting out of it." Steve supplied, feeling drained and broken. He looked at Billy who still stood at the hood of his car. 

"You know Harrington…" he paused his face looking disturbed, "you might be crazy. But for the record, I think anyone would be in this fucked up town." He offered and Steve couldn't help but laugh. 

"You have no idea Hargrove." 

Steve finally drove away, leaving all his hope and a blonde behind. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it! 
> 
> One whole chapter with only Billy!  
Again this isnt lovey dovey yet, billy has some things to work through, as does steve, but I wanted to make a realistic approach to their relationship,and sometimes relationships can take a step back. 
> 
> As for the folder, unfortunately it wasn't as great as we thought, as most terms and conditions on a purchase arent. 
> 
> Thank you everyone for reading and let me know what you think!! 
> 
> Every comment makes me write faster so please let me know!!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! I'm so so so so sorry for the delay in this chapter, this one I REALLY struggled with, plus with the holidays and family drama and me getting sick, and getting rundown. 
> 
> It was a lot, and I'm so sorry for how long it took me to get this up, but its FINALLY HERE! 
> 
> Thank you everyone who commented, you guys were honestly the saving grace on this, I almost wanted to give up, but all the kind comments really pushed me to fight through the lack of motivation. 
> 
> So thank you again!

For the record, Steve now understood the extreme hatred for school. Before he had enjoyed stepping into the school building, now it was some sick joke.

First of all nothing seemed terribly important when you had, had you life threatened by interdimensional monsters. It kind of all paled in comparison. 

Second of all, Steve's social status had taken a terribly rough plummet in the recent two years. Sure most people ignored him, which was just fine and actually preferred, but then there were people like Tommy. 

Tommy had a real cruel mind when he wanted to, and he knew just where to apply pressure if he felt the need. It was a terrible ability to have, one Steve was kind of certain he had learned from Steve himself.

Which was kind of hard to think about. 

So of course Steve's first day back at school started with Tommy shoving him into his locker with a loud jeer.

_ 'Hey Retard! Heard you couldn't make it to any colleges! Not surprising seeing how dumb you are!' _

Steve hated how much that statement stung. 

Steve didn't see Billy, instead he saw Jonathan walk in hand to hand with Nancy. 

Sometimes Steve wondered...wasn't...didn't she move on a little too fast? 

Steve still felt an ache when he thought of Nancy, but with the way Nancy smiled up at the other boy, Steve was sure she didn't. 

Getting into class was probably when the real hell began. Adam Green decided to spend his whole period tossing spit balls at Steve. Despite his status on the basketball team Steve was lucky he was shit at aim.

Of course when everyone stood up to do a presentation, reading an essay,  _ and since when did that get assigned?  _ And of course he was called on third to do so. 

It was sad the lack of embarrassment Steve held as he looked his teacher in the eye and stated; 'I didn't do it.' 

He heard snickers around him and all Steve could think of was a horde of flower faced dogs, all waiting to devour to consume. 

Steve accepted the chat after class. 

After it became clear three classes later that he hadn't done anything, he took the detention with a simple nod. It was fair.

What wasn't fair was having a guidance counselor and his ex coach ambush him.

"Steve…" they had started as they sat him down, "we're worried about you." Steve really didn't have it in him to argue or honestly reply. 

He found himself sitting in the uncomfortable wooden chair looking at the numerous books displayed in the guidance counselor office. He couldn't read any of the titles but he wondered if any of them were student files. 

Maybe his name was up there. 

"You've been drifting by this past month, and haven't even attempted at doing homework." His counselor stated, and honestly…. _ who even was this? _ Steve wasn't entirely sure he had ever met this man before. 

He let his eyes travel to the nametag on the table...shame he couldn't read it. Something with an S.

"And quitting sports...Steve...you love sports, you were working towards a scholarship, you can still get back on track-" Steve shook his head. 

"I can't." He replied back, "my concussion was really bad." He didn't look at them, but he could see how they glanced at each other in the corner of his eye. 

"And the homework?" Steve sighed.

"Am I gonna flunk?" He whispered, he felt tired.

"If you keep this up…," he saw the counselor shift as if uncomfortable. Steve just wanted to go home. 

"There's a high chance you won't be able to walk at graduation." Steve sighed...what did it matter? He wasn't going to make it to college anyways, and well...his parents decided everything for him. Did he even have a choice? 

He heard as his coach left and he felt the counselor sit down beside him on another wooden chair.

"Steve...you can talk to me, it's a safe place here." Steve couldn't help the small snort, nothing was safe when the upside down was involved, he remembered sharp claws ripping through wallpaper. It was just a small veil between this world and utter hell below. 

"Steve please, talk to me." Steve sighed and looked at the ceiling, all the loose panels with black dots there.

"About what?" Steve asked, his head was hurting...he wondered where Sankin was. 

"Anything Steve...what's bugging you?" 

"Do you know where Cape North is?" Steve whispered. He let his eyes travel back down to the man sitting next to him. 

"What?" 

"Cape North? Have you ever heard of it?" Steve asked, he didn't have much hope but...someone had to know of it! His parents clearly did. 

"I...uh...no, it could be up in Canada...why does this interest you so much?" Was Mr. S's response. Steve shrugged in response... _ huh...Canada...he never thought out of country.  _

"Steve...look we are worried, why don't you-" 

"What's dyslexia?" Steve blurted out, he watched as Mr. S's eyes blinked rapidly as if surprised. 

"It's a learning disability...is...is this something you have?" He asked ever so gently and Steve hated it. 

"And if I say yes? What happens." Steve ducked his head down, looked down at the floor now. 

"I'd say...we could try and see if we can help you so you don't have to struggle so hard anymore." 

"Are people who have it dumb?" Steve asked, feeling brittle and itchy, angry, burning and yet cold.  _ He hated it.  _

"Was that what you were told?" Steve felt his cheeks heated. 

"Just answer the damn question." Steve growled, bringing his shoulders up to his ears, hunching in on himself. 

"No Steve...they aren't dumb." Steve took a deep breath and he hated how his eyes burned, threatening to tear up. 

"Look...why don't we meet after school for detention, and I'll make sure you get back on track for graduation." Mr. S offered, Steve hated how he smiled softly at him. 

Steve shrugged, "why do you care?" Steve narrowed his eyes at the older man, only now noticing his had sharp grey eyes that reminded Steve of his own mother. Steve had to duck his eyes back down. 

"I care because I can see you struggling."  _ Struggling...wasn't Steve always struggling...why was now so much more prominent.  _

"Do you think monsters are real Mr. S." Steve prompted, it wasn't a question and judging by the way Mr. S pulled away he didn't like the connotation behind it. 

"I believe sometimes bad things happen, and sometimes people are pushed to do some bad things." Steve looked past his grey eyes to look at his dirty blond hair that was in a rough comb over...he looked young, and out of place at Hawkins High. Steve wondered offhandedly if he had been a new hire. 

"What about real monsters." Steve pushed, his eyes traveling to the little sunflower perched on the desk, too much like a certain creature, "the type that have never been human." 

Mr. S scooted closer and played a hand on Steve's leg and Steve felt his eyes land on the invasion of space with furrowed eyes. 

"What's happening Steve, tell me, what's this about?" Steve stared at that hand, a branch of trust, an opening….how easy would it be to whisper everything. How simple would it be to say what his parents had done. How effortless would it be to bring in his blue folder and ask for help…

Steve opened his mouth and looked at the guidance counselor, meeting those grey eyes- and everything was drowned in ice. His breath stuttering as for a moment he saw his mother looking imploring at him,

_ 'Can you tell me what happened Steven, tell me what you did. What did you tell the Nanny?' _

Steve pushed the hand off him, suddenly feeling cold and uncomfortable in the room. 

"Are we done." Steve stood up picking his backpack back up. He hated how Mr. S's icy eyes traveled over him, he could feel it.

  
  


"Yes...I suppose we can end it here." Mr. S stood up to and Steve backed up immediately. He smiled at Steve and something about it made Steve feel uncomfortable. 

"We'll meet here tomorrow, same time, so we can get you back on track for graduation." He reached behind Steve and opened the door to let Steve out, it was surprising to see how tall he was.

Steve stumbled out with a nod, already seeing the halls empty, everyone already leaving since school was out. 

"Drive safely Steve." Steve didn't respond, nor did he look at the older man, instead heading out towards his car, a quick escape. His heart was thudding when he smacked into the brisk january air. 

Nothing seemed okay anymore, and yet Steve felt like a dying star, collapsing in on himself. He reached his car and slammed himself inside, slipping his head on the steering wheel with a shudder.

He would never admit it, but in that moment, Steve cried. His tears fell hot and fat from his eyes, dribbling down his face easily. 

* * *

Driving home was easy enough, his tears were gone and now Steve felt drained. 

He was ready to pass out, especially seeing as his head had started thudding...which really got Steve worried. 

He knew something was up..._he knew it…_ _something was terribly wrong._

He remembered Keith walking through the cold, and the small bird he wasn't entirely sure was real or not. He remembered El's bloody nose and the image of her screaming with her hand held up. 

Steve felt his heart plummet, he knew something was wrong and the folder had held no answers...but people don't just...they don't just develop abilities. 

It was too suspicious...especially with the nosebleeds. 

Something was wrong...and Steve needed to figure it out soon. 

Of course that all fell out the window the minute he pulled up to his house to find a familiar sheriff's truck parked in front of his house. 

Steve had to close his eyes and sigh from his lack of luck. Honestly Steve had to have pissed off a God.

Steve parked and easily climbed out of his car to see Chief Hopper sitting on his porch. Steve gulped as he grabbed his things heading towards him. 

"Hey Chief." He offered. 

He couldn't meet the other man's eyes as he gript his hat in his hands. 

"Hey kid." He looked Steve up and down, and suddenly Steve was all to aware of his red swollen eyes. 

"You okay?" Steve nodded numbly trying to ignore the embarrassment rising into his cheeks. Hop hummed noncommittally. Steve fidgeted awkwardly. 

"You...uh...need anything?" Steve asked, pulling his keys out, twirling them in his fingers. Hopper watched him scrutinizing his movements, almost as if he was cataloguing them. 

Hopper stood up and Steve wished he had, had a bigger growth spurt, he didn't like how towering Hop was compared to himself. 

"How about we talk inside kid." Hopper gruffed out as he marched his back, stretching. Steve nodded, stiffly unlocking his door and letting Hopper stomp inside, Steve gulped again with nerves. 

"First of all, how you feeling." He walked around the living room looking around, Steve let his keys drop on the credenza and pull off his own shoes. He should have dusted yesterday. 

"Better." Steve answered, watching as Hopper glanced all around. 

"I see your parents aren't home." He observed, walking into the kitchen and Steve was exhausted from adults. 

"Yeah...Mom and Dad had a huge business meeting." He stated blandly, following the older man into the kitchen, letting his backpack lay on the kitchen table. 

"Hmmm...lot of business meetings lately huh?" Hopper looked over at the now clear fridge, his Mother and Father had gotten rid of all of Dustin's memos and magnets. 

"Well...business is really important." Steve blandly responded, feeling awkward as he stood there in his own kitchen. 

His skin felt too tight under the scrutiny of Chief Hopper. 

He sniffed loudly and adjusted his pants, letting his fingers slip through the belt loops. 

"Sorry kid, I would have dropped in sooner but it seems whatever you had got El sick." He moved a chair back and sat down easily, holding his hat in his hand. 

"Didn't get a lot of vaccinations in the lab, surprisingly." Hop stated offhandedly, Steve didn't sit down wondering for a moment why was he saying all this. 

"That's okay Chief...she's your kid." Steve sucked in his lips in confusion at this scenario. Hopper looked him up and down again and placed his hands on the table with another sniff. 

"You know I grew up with your father." He stated and Steve slowly took a step closer to the table, not sitting yet, he was unsure where this was going. 

"We both grew up here in Hawkins, in the same grade and everything." He let his fingers come up to comb over his mustache and Steve slowly sat down, his parents never talked about their past...hell...Steve had been pretty sure his parents had never been young when he was a child. He simply believed they had just been created as adults. 

"And he was a grade A, Asshole back in the day," he snorted, "we used to get into the biggest fights back in the day." He leaned back in reminiscence, and Steve couldn't help but lean closer at the new information, as if chasing it. 

"He loved to blow up on people, and I loved to beat him back down, he always had to make someone's day hell." His eyes landed up at Steve, and Steve felt stuck. 

"Hell, he lived to rule, we all weren't surprised when he left town, even less surprised when he apparently landed himself a beautiful wife." His eyes slowly drifted back down to the table. 

"What was surprising was when they came back a couple years later with a baby in tow." He met Steve's eyes, and Steve leaned even further. 

"Well...baby was generous, you were three when they finally came back to Hawkins." He laughed. 

Steve sucked in a breath, "I was three?" Barely remembering it at all. Trying to scrape his own mind for any kind of familiarity. 

"Yeah," Hopper laughed, "you're a cute kid, had a unique accent seeing as your parents raised you in France for those first three years." Steve blinked,  _ France...france?? Was he from France…? _

"France?? I don't.." Hopper looked him over with a sad expression.

"Yeah...well that was what your mother said, although apparently you were born in Italy." He leaned back in his chair with his lips quirked up. 

"Yeah? My mom...she never-" he smiled softly,  _ Italy, maybe it was Italy!  _

Hopper watched him as if he was seeing something tragic, "well yeah, it was the story of the town for quite a while." He sighed, letting his eyes slide shut as he seemed to remember something. 

"My ex wife Diane loved the story, she adored your mother," he reopened his eyes to smile at Steve. 

"But well Diane heard she spent all of her pregnancy in Italy, apparently the food there was the best, and well after you were born they spent your first few years in Paris before you had to go to preschool, back home." Steve's smile slowly slipped off his lips.

_ Pregnancy...no...he knew now he...he wasn't their kid… _

He could easily remember his mother's harsh words when he had asked. 

_ “You think I gave birth to you? I would never allow a chance to ruin my figure.” _

"Right…" Steve whispered, curling back into himself. 

"But here's the thing Steve." Steve lifted his eyes back up to see Hopper gazing deeply into Steve's own eyes. Steve felt as if his whole soul was being bared before him. 

"As convincing as your mother is, we both know you can't look the way you do if you were really hers and your father's." Steve froze where he was, feeling everything drain away from him. 

"Now...the thing is, you father loved to mess around." Steve swallowed as his heart began to thud against his chest, his vision darkening. 

"Broke a lot of hearts back in the day," Hopper supplied, watching Steve slowly. 

Steve licked his lips, his fingers started to shake. 

"You know...I saw a lot of him in you when you were growing up, back when...well," Hopper sighed as he rubbed his eyes tiredly, "back when I was going to the elementary school events." He bit his lips and Steve slowly let his eyes drift towards the middle of the table were a speck of dust was. 

"But Steve...you need to know…" Steve took a shaky breath in. 

"You're so much better than that man." Steve sucked in harshly, choking on his breath for a moment, coughing roughly. 

"W-what?" He snapped over to Hopper. Hopper looked tired, and oddly somber with the way he was watching Steve. 

"I've been surprised by you Harrington, by how well you've grown, and how good you've been to all the kids." The way his lips quirked wasn't necessarily a smile, but it could be considered one. 

"So listen to me kid." Steve blinked slowly meeting Hoppers eyes, his own eyes widened and Steve could help but wonder where this was going. 

"You ever need to get out? Or talk? You come to me got it." Hopper looked Steve down, "I know something is up."

"I can smell when something ain't right Steve, and your parents have me and Joyce all kinds of worried, you understand? So you come to either of us when you can finally tell us what." Steve opened his mouth and Hopper raised a hand instantly pausing Steve in his place. 

"You don't need to say anything or answer with a, 'my parents are very caring and are out on a super important business trip', cuz trust me kid, that worked when you were eight, but it's been ten years of that excuse." Steve shrunk in on himself. 

"So you don't have to lie, I know something else is going on here, and after everything else we've been through, I'm not gonna throw anything out of the window." Hopper nodded and Steve stiffly nodded back. 

"Come find me and Joyce when you're ready." Hopper stood back up, and sucked his lips in as if an attempt to smile and Steve just ducked his head further. 

"Do...do you know anything else about...about-" Steve sucked in a shuddering breath, trying to calm down, "about my umm...childhood before Hawkins?" Hopper looked at Steve and Steve didn't dare look back. 

"I don't...but you know who does?" Steve slowly raised his head to meet Hopper. 

"Joyce. You call her and she would love to talk to you about it." Hopper thankfully didn't ask why Steve couldn't ask his own parents. He also didn't mention why Steve had so much curiosity for something Steve should theoretically remember. 

Hopper nodded and sighed, "well now that we've finished that uncomfortable chat, I'll get going." He started to head out the kitchen, 

"Oh and kid...I saw you with that Hargrove boy...you let me know if something is happening okay, I'll be there for you son." Hopper stated, and Steve just nodded like he always did and he didn't react when Hopper saw himself out. 

Steve simply sat there stewing in place. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's that! 
> 
> Sorry it's so short and it took so long, I struggled a lot with how to get the dialogue right for the adults in this chapter, and the lack of Billy was kind of difficult. 
> 
> But I'm finally back on track and we are finally going to be heading into the summer and consequently season 3 soon, just a couple things to do first! 
> 
> Thank you for reading and sticking with this story!   
Let me know what you think!!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! Here it is, I'm so sorry for the wait! This one kind of got away from me honestly! 
> 
> To be completely honest, this whole story is planned out, to a point. I have it all down as bullet point main objectives, like plot points. But this and last chapter I seem to have glossed over so I was more on my own, and I didnt want to accidentally unrail the story, so it took longer since I had to plan them out first, when the others I have them planned out before. 
> 
> Anyways, thank you everyone who commented and have continued to stick with it so far, you are the only reason I am continuing to write! 
> 
> Thank you!

Getting ‘back on track’ was actually easier said than done. Apparently Steve had really messed up his chances to graduate easily. Not that he had ever actually tried in the first place. Despite this he met with his guidance counselor for detention everyday after school to get ‘back on track’ for graduation. And honestly it wasn’t like he really had a choice, Steve never really did. 

Mr. Scott, Steve later learned, was an...okay guy. A little too touchy, a little too pushy, and honestly the way he talked kind of irked Steve for some reason (all half sentences and patient pauses, it was infuriating), but overall he seemed to only want Steve to excel...which was new. 

It definitely wasn’t something Steve was used to. 

The work was hard, it was just some simple reading and some math, with a side of science, but Mr. Scott was very patient with him, and he never interrupted, he just let Steve stew over the words for a bit, only helping when it became clear that Steve was struggling.

Surprisingly Steve found he was decent at math, especially when it was read out loud for him, once Mr. Scott showed him the formulas and spoke it slowly for him to comprehend it just... _ clicked. _

It was almost as if Steve was smart. 

Although in all honesty Steve didn’t really get the point of it all, what good was graduating from school going to get him? It wasn’t like he had a choice in his future. His parents decided everything, and they had decided he was a failure already, and honestly Steve kind of was. 

He hadn’t even  _ started _ on his search for Sankin or Cape North and it had been...well frankly a month now. It was February and he still in fact was….he didn’t want to say scared, because that would be admitting he was afraid of what was going to happen. In fact when Steve got like this he liked to pull himself away, crawl underneath his covers, and pretend nothing was happening for a bit. 

_ That wasn’t an option so much anymore.  _

As much as Steve hated to admit it, he was scared, in fact he was down right terrified of what his hometown meant, or what Joyce could say about his childhood. Because at the end of the day, what if it was nothing important, what if there was nothing unique about his past,  _ what if...what if Steve had been going crazy.  _

He knew it couldn’t just be in his head, it was too much of a coincidence, but…. _ but...no one had seen that bird...the file had said nothing...and most damning of all….Steve still was suffering from a concussion.  _

Sure at the end of the day it wasn’t nearly as bad as it once had been, but he was still flinching away from the light, and even then the small jog it took to go up and down his stairs made his head spin. 

As much as he hated to admit it, his head was still messed up. 

Which just made everything so much worse, because as hard as Steve tried now, he couldn’t recreate the sensation he had felt when he had commanded Keith, he couldn’t revisit that dark place he had seen the web in, and definitely couldn’t get his nose bleeding again. 

In some weird way, Steve was afraid his mind had conjured it all up after witnessing what Eleven could do. As if he had been so desperate to become  _ something  _ his mind created the circumstances to do so. 

It was possible, wasn’t it?  _ Damn, he really should have listened to Dustin about if concussions could cause hallucinations.  _

Plus he had officially decided to ignore Hopper’s prompting, it was too frightening to think about. So somehow Hopper and Joyce had figured out he wasn’t his mother’s kid...but…

_ ‘You know...I saw a lot of him in you when you were growing up’ _

They still thought he was a Harrington, and….well that meant he couldn’t really tell them. Billy...Billy was safe, no one would believe him if he spilled, and even then, they were both in a fucked up situation. Plus Steve held no attachment to Billy, Billy had no expectations of Steve, Steve was just the loser that once held the crown. 

But Joyce and Hopper...they weren’t, they were stuck together, the upside down had snagged all of them and tied them together, they knew Steve and they would reach out, they would try and change things. 

Steve couldn’t have that. 

Although...he needed to know...what if there was a clue? An accent? Hopper had said an accent? He had said it was weird…

Maybe there was something there. 

“Steve, do you need any help?” Steve lifted his eyes up from the math equation. 

“Huh?” He asked looking up at Mr. Scott. 

“Everything okay? You seem to be thinking a lot.” Was the simple reply, Steve slowly shrugged, looking back down the equation. 

“You thinking about Valentines day?” Came a small huffed laugh. Steve blinked slowly as he started to get back to the question….right it was Valentines Day soon….

Somehow that just made everything worst. 

How had Steve not noticed the hearts being painted on the walls, or the pink confetti being sprinkled around. 

It was all too familiar of Nancy and didn’t that just fucking sting. Suddenly trying to find his past fell on the backburner; honestly everything about Nancy made Steve ache and push a lot in the background. 

It was frustrating….he saw her now, how happy she had become as if she wasn’t being dragged down anymore…

Had Steve really been that much of a weight? 

"Thanks Mr. Scott, I'll be heading out now." He didn't meet the older man's eyes, instead hurrying to pack his items away. He didn’t hear if Mr. Scott ever replied. 

He couldn’t help but wander through his thoughts, seeing how Nancy was no longer held back by Barb’s death, how she was moved on, and thriving, and almost instantaneously, as if she had been running away from Steve. 

Jonathan had been her saving grace, and Steve had been her captor. 

He avoided looking at the posters along the halls, he ignored the banner advertising a Valentines Dance, and he definitely disregarded the sounds of basketballs smacking against a clean wooden floor as he passed the gym. 

It all felt so...distant from himself, how had he ever been apart of this world. Sometimes Steve was afraid he didn’t know who he was anymore, if he even was a person...sometimes he felt like a puppet playing the part of a real boy. 

Maybe Nancy had seen that, maybe she had seen the strings propelling Steve along and left. 

It wouldn’t be the first time. He reached his car and stared down at the keys in his hand. 

Steve didn’t want to go home. He didn’t want to do anything. 

Honestly he felt like crying, but...he had been way too tired to do that lately. 

He unlocked his car and slumped into the driver’s seat, had his cheeks always hurt from smiling? Had it always been so difficult? 

For a moment he wished his Mom was here, just so he could have a direction, a script to follow. 

He let his head fall onto his steering wheel.  _ Why had Nancy been able to move on so quick? Why was everyone able to leave so easily? What was it about Steve that was so repellant?  _

A dark whisper in the back of his mind called out to him;  _ Dustin will grow up and leave too. You’re just an imaginary friend he hasn’t grown out of yet.  _

Steve squeezed his eyes tight, tight enough that he saw red and blue swirl in the darkness behind his lids, seeing the little pinpricks of static dance. 

When Steve felt like this he escaped or he hid. 

He started his car, driving out, aimlessly going. 

Everything was so messy in his head lately, and Steve really wanted to blame it on the concussion, but he knew it wasn’t just that. Steve had always had a jumble in his thoughts, a puzzle he couldn’t even comprehend. 

Nancy had always been so good at slotting the pieces into place. She had always been such an amazing distraction, Steve had loved her. 

_ He really had.  _

_ ‘Bullshit’ _

Yeah...yeah, Bullshit was right. 

Steve took in a deep breathe and glanced at the neighborhood around him. He was near Nancy’s house, the destination he used to always run to. He couldn’t help pulling up to her house, the curtains were closed and there was no indication that anyone was home. Steve didn’t know how long he sat looking at that door and thinking...thinking, and thinking, which was dangerous. 

Steve wasn’t supposed to think for himself. 

_ ‘What? ‘You thought?’ what did we talk about you thinking Steven’ _

Steve flinched back from his own mind, feeling cold, and a shiver running up the back of his neck. 

Steve drove away. 

He knew he wasn’t going to go home, but where to go was so much harder. 

He pulled out a cigarette, mouthing; knowing he didn’t have his lighter on him at that current moment. 

He remembered the Quarry; a safe place to escape. 

Steve drove silently, never turning on music, his mind blank. 

____

  
  


Honestly the Quarry wasn’t exactly safe. In fact it was pretty dangerous, it had been roped off ages ago when some drunk teenagers had accidentally fallen down. Steve heard they hadn’t even made into the water, dying on impact. 

Steve stood at the edge looking down at the pristine water below, it was finally melting, no longer safe to skate on. 

Steve wondered if water would be his grave, just like it had been Barb’s.

_ ‘You gonna jump pretty boy?’  _

Steve shook his head, unsure why Billy’s words seemed to fill his mind at that current moment. 

“What are you doing?” Steve froze at the voice behind him, he didn’t move, instead keeping his eyes trained at the lake below. 

“Stevie? Hey man, you shouldn’t be so close to the edge.”  _ As if he cared.  _

Steve pondered how had Tommy managed to sneak up behind him without him noticing, Tommy was as stealthy as Billy’s Camaro. 

“Go away Tommy.” Steve growled, his heart stuttering in his chest,  _ another person Steve had lost...but by his own terms.  _

He supposed all of those that left were technically Steve’s fault. 

“Hey Stevie..man, Stevie, come on, get away from there.” Steve felt his brain ache. 

“Stop calling me that!” He shouted, feeling his shoulders rise up. Steve wasn’t going to jump. Not in the slightest, he didn’t know what he was doing. He just was staring that was all. 

  
  


He could feel the brisk air press against his ears, it easily hid the noise of the other boy getting closer. 

Suddenly Steve was being tugged back, arms around his waist and throwing him back. Steve smacked into the cold ground  _ hard.  _ His head hitting painfully on the frozen dirt. 

“What the fuck dude!” Steve screeched out at his old friend. Tommy looked red in the face and furious. 

“‘What the fuck’ me? What the fuck you!” Tommy bellowed stepping closer to Steve and suddenly it wasn’t the boy he had grown up with anymore, instead Steve was inside The Study crawling back from his father as he stalked forward. 

“What the Hell were you doing standing at the edge of the Quarry looking like you were gonna jump!? Huh!?” Tommy stepped closer and Steve scrambled to get up, needing his extra height to feel a touch safer. 

“What’s it to you?!” Steve screamed out, feeling his eyes twinge,  _ he wasn’t going to cry, he wasn’t, he fucking wasn’t going to cry.  _

Tommy took a step back as if smacked, Steve seemed to be good at making him shocked,  _ good, not like Tommy knew anything about Steve.  _

“‘What’s it-’” he gaped for a couple seconds, “Maybe I don’t want to see some Bitch kill themselves.” He snarled.  _ Steve really hated Tommy now.  _

“I wasn’t going to jump Asshole.” Steve snarled right back. And just like that Tommy seemed to deflate on himself, he looked tired, his freckles standing out against his pale skin. 

“I don’t-” He stammered for a moment, and his face was fluttering between anger and something else Steve couldn’t place. 

“I don’t recognize you anymore Stevie.” He finally whispered out after a minute of silence. 

Steve looked his old friend over, he hated that nickname Tommy had started for him. He supposed it was meant to be a form of endearment, but now all it felt like was an insult. 

“I thought we went over this Tommy, you don’t know me.” Steve tiredly said, looking down at the discarded cigarette that had once been in his mouth. “And didn’t I say not to call me Stevie.” Steve snapped, “It’s not like we’re friends.” 

Tommy at least had the decency to flinch at the comment. “Hey...I...look, I’m sorry about calling you a retard, that...I know how sensitive you are.” 

_ Sensitive? _

_ How could Tommy make an apology still sound like an insult.  _

“Oh, Fuck you dude.” Steve huffed, guess the Quarry wasn’t exactly the escape Steve was looking for. 

Steve turned around to leave, feeling his arm getting grabbed once again by Tommy, he felt an odd sense of deja vu. 

“Just, why can’t we go back to how we were?” Tommy swung Steve around, and Steve hated how his touch felt on his arm. 

“What?” Steve asked bewildered, Tommy looked unsure, licking his lips; a habit he had picked up before he was going to start a speech. 

“Look, I know, we….” He paused licking his lips again, “Had our differences but-” 

“Differences!?” Steve scoffed, feeling a bubble of laughter bounce through his lips. “No shit.” 

“Will you shut up and listen to me!” Tommy grabbed Steve’s other arm shaking him in place, and Steve had half an urge to deck him- not that he would have the strength to do so, it was the thought that counted. 

“What I’m saying is, I miss you man.” His voice sounded soft and fragile, and in some way Steve mused on if he had as well. He had missed the camaraderie having Tommy by his side meant, someone his age. 

But there was still one thing that bugged Steve about Tommy. 

Steve may be a puppet, hell he might not even be a Harrington, and yet Tommy was more of a liar than him. 

Steve slowly shook his head, “Tommy,” He huffed, “You don’t realize how hypocritical this is? You keep saying you want to be friends, or how you miss our friendship, but the minute there’s an audience you turn tail and run,” He looked Tommy up and down, “you’re faker than I am.” Steve finally settled on. 

He tried to pull away but Tommy held him steady, he always had, had more mass than Steve. 

“You know what Steve...you play like I don’t know you, but I grew up with you, I know more about you than anyone else, and you know what-” He took in a shuddering breath and Steve pondered if Tommy felt those same frustrated tears Steve was struggling with right now. 

“-You don’t know me either.” He landed on. 

Steve blanched at that,  _ what? _

“ _ Excuse me? _ ” 

“You heard me Harrington, you act all high and mighty and you know what, you say I don’t know anything about you, but do you know anything about me? Two can play at that game.” Steve stood there bewildered by where this conversation was going, honestly what the hell was even happening, Steve had just wanted to ignore the world existed for a moment. 

“Well then fine! We don’t know anything about each other!” Steve threw out, trying to pull away again, “Let’s leave it at that and move on, let me go!” 

“No.” Tommy answered, and something in Steve’s stomach cooled. He felt like he might be sick. Tommy looked more than determined and something in the back of Steve’s mind was sending all kind of alerts to him. 

Steve was pretty sure he was going to be thrown off the Quarry edge, meeting his end in an icy cold abyss of water, just like the one girl he had killed. 

“Can’t you see I’m reaching out here, why won’t you meet me?” Tommy growled out, and Steve’s arms hurt, just like when his father would hold him down and slam him into the floor. 

“Maybe because you won’t listen!” Steve snapped, trying to tug away again. Tommy finally let Steve go at that, letting Steve stumble back at the loss of the restraints. 

“You know…” He breathed out, looking Steve dead on, and Steve hated how he couldn’t keep eye contact. 

“I hated Wheeler for changing you...I hated her because all she did was make you run around, pretending you were something you weren’t, all the while she spread her legs for some freak.” Steve whipped to his face at that, his hands clenched. 

“Shut the fuck up Tommy.” Steve growled, he didn’t want to hear this, he didn’t want to think about Nancy, it hadn’t been like that,  _ it hadn’t. _

“Even now you defend her? Why!? What’s so good about her?” He scoffed, “She some miracle lay in bed?” Steve couldn’t help but see how Tommy’s words had changed since Billy had come into town. 

Neither really held a lot of respect for women. 

“I said shut the fuck up Tommy, you don’t know anything!” Steve growled, the air felt colder around him, his blood felt like it was boiling inside him. 

“And neither do you!” Tommy burst out. Steve couldn’t help the scoff. Like Tommy could have a secret as big as Steve, as if he was struggling in this world like Steve and the Party had. 

Tommy’s face twisted and he had a hand raised up poised to punch Steve out.  _ Great, here he was trying to find peace, and instead he was going to get decked.  _

_ Again.  _

Steve couldn’t help the unconscious flinch, the closing of his eyes as he waited for the hit, but what happened next was something Steve would never have thought happen. 

Tommy’s arm had rocketed out, but instead of punching Steve he had snatched Steve’s jaw in his hand tight, dragging Steve forward like Steve’s father would do. 

But instead of having his face pushed to nod or shake his head, Steve’s lips were suddenly pressed against Tommy's. 

Steve completely froze under the new development,  _ Tommy was kissing him...Tommy was kissing him?? What the hell??? _

Suddenly Steve was being shoved back until he fell back on the ground and Tommy was towering above him. 

“You don’t know anything Harrington.” Tommy growled and then he was walking away leaving Steve in utter disbelief. 

He didn’t hear Tommy leave exactly, just one moment Steve had registered his presence and the next he hadn’t. In fact he didn’t know how long he had even sat there; processing what had conspired. 

Steve didn’t...he didn’t understand, what...why would Tommy do that? 

Was it some kind of sick joke? Was Steve going to see spray painted messages of ‘Steve Harrington is a Queer’ across town? 

_ Why...why would Tommy kiss him? _

_ “You don’t know anything Harrington.” _

Clearly Steve didn’t…

Steve curled in on himself. His brain making so many connections now that he had never processed before. 

How had he not seen it? Steve used to be so good at noticing things. How had he missed it? 

All those moments adding up to a whole new conclusion. 

Those moments of Tommy laughing and always hugging Steve tighter than maybe normal, having sleepovers well past the usual age limit, Tommy brining in so much porno mags for Steve to see.

How when he first got with Carol he had cried about it afterwards next to Steve. They hadn’t talked then, Steve had just silently sat next to his friend and patted his back as a consolation. Steve hadn’t known what to say then. 

Now...now Steve thinks he understands. 

So much of Tommy’s hatred towards Nancy made sense now. 

Tommy’s strangeness about monopolizing Steve, that stupid nickname. 

Steve curls up right there by the Quarry, his face placed in his knees and finally cries. 

_____

  
  
  


Things become awkward then. 

Tommy no longer called out to Steve, instead he ignored his existence completely as if Steve was now a ghost. 

And Steve realizes how much of a dumbass he really is, if he missed something as big as that? What else had he missed? 

Steve thought he had been good at reading people, but it turned out he was just as bad at that as he was at everything else. 

His lessons with Mr. Scott were going...well they weren’t going good anymore, Steve really had too much on his mind to be any good at education. 

Mr. Scott had tried to talk to him again, but Steve was sick of talking, he was sick of people trying to reach out and  _ talk. _ Whenever Steve talked now, he got more and more confused. 

He couldn’t help but think,  _ what else did I miss?  _

And worse than that...in someway it wasn’t surprising, Steve remembered manipulating Tommy at times, begging and being touchy to get the other boy to do his homework for him, or run an errand. 

Had Steve known? Had Steve realized and ignored it? 

At moments like these Steve really saw his mother inside himself, Steve really did know how to twist people. 

_ ‘Half of that monster’ _

Yeah Hargrove...he knew that already.

Steve really had been so self centered he hadn’t bothered to notice how the world worked with everyone else.  _ What had he missed for Nancy? Was that why she had left?  _

It bugged Steve, it festered in his mind and pestered him in his every waking moment, hell sometimes it even bled into his dreams. 

It was a Friday when Steve had called up the Wheeler household to see if Nancy would be available to chat. 

It was the next day when Steve finally met with her. 

He had decided on the old Dinner, it seemed like a safe middle ground for them, not a home, nothing too close to romantic- or so he thought until he arrived to see the whole dinner decked out for valentines day. 

What kind of sick joke was that. 

Steve was thankful he arrived first, made it easier to select a booth near the back, more secluded, but not close to romantic...it was the one near the restroom, very dangerously close from having the chairs smacked by the swinging door. 

It would be good enough. 

Steve sat down slowly feeling itchy, he should have brought a cigarette in, it would have calmed him down at least. 

This was probably a mistake. 

But he didn’t have too long to ponder on that when Nancy walked in with a hurry, she brushed her hair back down and she looked nice...but when did she not? 

Steve gulped, this was definitely a mistake. 

He stood to flag her over, a strained smile on his lips, already this felt like a terrible idea. He hadn’t quite gotten the hang of it lately. Everything was too much of a mess. 

Nancy sat easily, an easy going smile on her lips. 

"Hey Steve." She looked him over and Steve ducked his head away from too much scrutiny. 

"You wanted to talk?" 

"Yeah I…." Steve took a sip of the glass of water next to him. "It's kind of come to my attention I don't...I missed a lot, or didn't care to pay attention to it." He shook his head, 

"Sorry, I'm saying this all wrong...what I mean to say is...Nance, was there something I missed? Something I did horribly wrong? You know, to end our…" he drifted off and Nancy's perfect eyebrows furrowed as she listened. 

"Is...did something happen? What brought this on Steve? I thought we already cleared everything up that night" She asked leaning closer, her hands coming up to clasp together on top of the table. 

"Yeah! Just...look I, something has just been bugging me okay" Steve mumbled

"So something did happen?" 

"Kinda...I just, it's been bugging me, that's all, don't want to make the same mistakes again...I suppose." Steve responded back, not like he could answer;  _ yeah actually, my childhood friend kissed me and I suddenly got hit with the fact that I'm not as good at reading people as I thought.  _

"Steve...we...I really don't think getting back together would be a go-" Nancy started.

"No! No! No, I don't want that...I'm just…" Steve was surprised by that answer...it was surprisingly true...he didn't want to get back together. He didn't..he didn't want Nancy back, not like that. He wanted a friend more than anything. 

"Oh...yeah well...we were never...good, you know?" Nancy breathed out looking slightly uncomfortable. Steve nodded slowly, 

"Never?"

"Yeah I mean...it was fun at first." She smiled wistfully and something about that made Steve ache even more, but while his stomach sunk, he couldn't help but feel like his cheeks were heating up with hunger. 

"At first?" He pushed, why did his skin start to feel tighter. 

"Well yeah, it was nice, but we didn't...we didn't talk, and I think we needed to, but you didn't ever want to talk." She explained, laying her hands out as if explaining the homework like she used to. 

"Needed to talk about what?" Steve leaned a bit closer. His cheeks felt tight and he wanted to run. 

"Well for one...Barb, but mostly...our relationship." She sighed, she sounded tired as she leaned back in her chair. Steve gulped. 

"I'm sorry about Barb...that...I'm so sorry...if I could go back-" Steve cut himself off, taking a sharp breath in, he didn't know where he was going with this statement. He just...it ached so badly when he thought about everything he had ruined. 

"Steve, it's...we can't go back, but thank you...I'm glad to know you care." Steve blinked rapidly,  _ care?! When...when had he showed he hadn't cared _ . 

Sure when he first met Barb he hadn't been the nicest, she was more of a nerd, and Tommy and Carol despised her for that, they hated her style, and most of all they hated how she didn't care about their judgements. 

But Steve had loved Nancy, and that meant by extension he had to care for Barb. 

"I...I was the one that wanted to visit her parents...to try and help!" Steve bursted, Nancy's face pinched up just like it used to when Steve asked a particularly dumb question. 

"We lied to them Steve!" She hissed leaning in closer, "and how could we throw that in their face?" She looked down at the table. 

Steve couldn't think of it that way, "and...and just abandon them? They.. they lost someone they care about Nance…" he whispered back, he couldn't understand her reasoning...wouldn't...wouldn't they have had wanted company? Comfort? 

She shook her head as if Steve couldn't comprehend what was the real problem. 

"Steve...look, what's this really about?" She sighed exasperated, as if she was actively being weighed down by this conversation. 

Steve sucked in a breath, finally knowing exactly what it was that bugged him. 

"How come you seem to be able to move on so quickly?" He asked so softly. 

Even if he wanted to speak any louder he couldn't, his voice shaky as he asked the one question that bugged him more than anything. 

"Ex-excuse me?" Nancy stuttered out.

"No no...I don't mean anything bad by it, I just…" he sighed, "you don't seem to be as hung up as I was…" he breathed out. 

Nancy blinked and then sighed, "you know Steve...you did miss some things," she huffed and the fire that now appeared in her eyes as she stared at Steve seemed resentful, suddenly all Steve could think about was her pointing a gun at him and telling him to leave as lights flickered above. 

"You didn't ever notice how rough it was on me, how rough it all was, you just always wanted to pretend it was okay, but it wasn't. And you were the one who told me it was okay! To end this." She sighed, and Steve opened his mouth to speak, "I wanted someone who would acknowledge what was happening! At least Jonathan talked to me when I was scared." She turned away. 

Steve froze at that. 

"What?" She paused and blinked slowly as if she just now had caught what she had said. 

"I'm sorry Steve...I just meant.." she sighed softly curling in on herself. 

"I just meant that after what happened I needed someone to talk it through, and Jonathan understood more." 

"Understood...more?" Steve whispered not fully catching on. 

"Well...yeah, he lost someone too, just like I did, and...he knew what to say because of it." Her lips curled up at the corner softly...has she ever smiled like that about Steve? 

Steve looked down. 

"So I didn't talk...okay, so...so that's what made me bullshit?" He whispered and Nancy flinched back at that. 

"Steve I...I said I was sorry about that." She persisted and even reached her hand out. Something about the way her hand landed on his felt  _ wrong _ , in fact it felt like a chain, a request to drop it. 

"Actually...you didn't…" he whispered, trying to remember if she had. 

"I didn't?" 

"No...you just said what you said was bullshit." Steve recalled, "that I should've just...gotten over it…" 

Maybe it was the fact Steve was questioning everything now, or maybe it was the fact Tommy had suddenly opened his eyes to his obliviousness but Steve was unexpectedly distinctly aware of Nancy's words starting to contradict each other. 

"Oh...I'm so sorry Steve, I'm sorry for saying that.." she squeezed his hands in her own and Steve slowly pulled away starting to see certain moments in his memories. 

Nancy mad Steve had destroyed a camera, when Jonathan had used said camera to take such risque pictures of Nancy without her permission. 

Nancy telling Steve not to pretend, when she had pretended to love him. 

Nancy claiming she wanted to talk to Steve but never asking to. 

_ 'Did the priss bitch call you dumb?' _

_ 'You're such an idiot, Steve Harrington.'  _

"Did you think I was dumb Nancy?" He asked not looking up, her eye color was suddenly looking paler in the light above, making them look almost like his father's eyes. 

"What? No Steve, what's this about?" She asked swiftly, pulling her own arm back. 

"I mean grade wise, just be honest Nance." He asked, in a weird way...he somewhat felt like Tommy. 

Here was Nancy saying Steve had never noticed when she struggled but...how had Nancy not noticed Steve's own struggle? 

_ 'You say I don’t know anything about you, but do you know anything about me? Two can play at that game!' _

"I…" she looked like a deer caught in headlights.  _ Well...there was her answer then.  _

"I know I missed things Nance. I see that now." Steve answered sitting back, he was ready to leave, "but sometimes I wish you were more observant as well." 

Nancy's cheeks flushed and she looked bewildered. 

"What does that mean? Steve?" She asked as Steve finally stood up ready to leave. 

"You were wrong that's all." He whispered back, "you never even asked Nance. I think...I realize why this relationship wouldn't work." He started and Nancy leaned away, as if she never thought Steve  _ could _ think they weren't a match made in heaven. 

"What do you mean? I never asked what?" She furrowed her eyebrows. Steve raked his eyes over her face,  _ why had he ever believed her so right? Why was he always the one apologizing? Always trying to run back to her?  _

_ 'What’s so good about her?'  _ Rang through Steve's ears. 

"I just think at the end of the day Nance," he took her all in now, how small she looked, "I never asked, I never noticed how you struggled, but...you never did either." He responded, turning around to leave. 

He left her sitting at the diner by herself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND! That's that! 
> 
> Now a few things! 
> 
> I hadn't originally planned for Tommy to kiss Steve, originally I was going to keep him more sidelined but after watching a couple interviews of the actor who played tommy saying he believed Tommy was in fact in love with Steve I had to change it up.  
Also I realized without a push Steve would never learn to question Nancy, or his own thoughts, which really needs to happen soon. 
> 
> Having tommy be that starting spark really worked well, so it stayed. Also having I wanted this to be more realistic, nothing in the world is black and white, it's always grey, and I wanted to convey that here with his chat with Tommy and how it paralleled with Nancy.
> 
> Also this is a pivotal chapter, while it is boring since no Billy and no powers, it is very important for Steve to be in the place he is for season 3! 
> 
> Anyways, thank you so so much to everyone who has commented, you are what pushes me to write, and the reason why I even upload more updates! 
> 
> Thank you for reading and tell me what you think! 
> 
> Thank you!!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg I'm so so sorry for how long this took so long to write! I was so stressed out these last two weeks with my depression and school starting back up tomorrow and my mom having surgery... it's been very hectic. 
> 
> I honestly considered dropping this story for a moment, but after reading all the comments and enjoying the writing I've been doing I knew I couldnt.
> 
> So thank you all for being so so patient, we are finally here...  
Also I apologize if the emotion is all over the place, there was a lot of time in between writing this chapter and I jopeits not too much of a disaster...
> 
> Thank you all again

Everything changed after that Friday chat with Nancy.

Steve didn’t know how to put it exactly, but suddenly his world was flipped on him,  _ Upside down if you would.  _

Steve had always trusted Nancy’s judgement, she had been his guiding star to understanding complicated subjects. His Polaris amongst a sea of confusion. 

But now...now he saw Nancy as just another being, just another human, and sometimes people made mistakes. 

God knew he had. 

But the thing about it all was, Steve didn't want to be Nancy, not like he had been to Tommy. 

He didn't want to be someone who didn't  _ see. _

He had tried so hard to become something  _ better _ , and yet even that had been flawed. He knew he had become to harsh on himself as if late, but things had changed. 

See, Steve had, had utmost belief in Nancy and her judgement. She said he was bad, he was bad. She said he was bullshit? Well, then, he was  _ bullshit.  _

She said he was hallucinating...she had said his brain had been sick, that's why he had seen what he had seen. 

It was the flu. 

But...none of that had explained Keith.  _ None of it.  _

He purposely had been avoiding the other boy because of it. 

Sure he hadn’t been able to replicate it but...the flu didn’t suddenly give you the ability to make people do things, and cause nosebleeds. 

In fact, this was the most Steve had ever experienced nosebleeds. It was odd to say the least, and he had, had the flu before. 

Steve didn’t have a magical file anymore, that had been a bust, and all he had was a location and mention of an accent. 

And originally he hadn’t even wanted to check, but...Steve was scared. 

Things kept changing on him, switching and dancing around just like letters did. 

He was struggling to stay afloat. Drowning in his own cacophony of madness. 

He had told Tommy he hadn’t planned to jump, but deep inside Steve wasn’t so sure anymore, maybe he had wanted to jump? Maybe he had wanted to meet his demise just as Barb did. 

A poetic end to a tragedy. 

_ ‘ _ _ So no use crying over it, we just need to grow the fuck up! Find jobs, and get the hell out of here.’ _

Steve didn’t want to be a tragedy, he had wanted to be a protector, he wanted to watch the kids grow, and be safe, receiving that abundant money the government had promised. 

He had wanted to protect the Party. 

And how could he do that when he was wallowing in self pity, what would he do if Mike annoyed him and it was  _ him _ Steve was sending out into the cold with a nosebleed, instead of Keith. 

_ He couldn’t have that.  _

Which meant understanding what was happening to him, which was in fact easier said than done. First step; Dustin. 

Honestly as much as Steve hated to admit it, Dustin was his best bet to find out Sankin and Cape North as a location. Dustin was smart, and probably the only one Steve actively knew with a library card. He was pretty sure not even Nancy owned one. 

  
  


“I thought you wanted to hang out?” Dustin’s brow pinched in as he stared at Steve. 

“I do. Just...I need your help as well…” Steve drifted off. It was Saturday and apparently he had stolen Dustin from visiting his aunts were there was some  _ ‘very delectable cookies Steve! They’re god’s gift to mankind!’ _ . 

Steve had promised to hang out, and honestly spending time with Dustin wasn’t bad, not at all, just….Steve hated having to drag Dustin into it, but he needed answers. 

“And why again do you need me to search for some weird unknown location?” Dustin eyed Steve as they stepped up to the Library. Steve wasn’t sure he had ever really stepped foot in this building before. 

“School...?” Steve tried and Dustin gave him a stink eye, yeah that was fair. 

“I could be at my Aunt’s right now enjoying a perfectly good-”

“I know! I know! Please Dustin I need your help.” Steve interrupted Dustin’s rant, instinctively clasping his hands together and looking pleading, his usual go to when he wanted something. Dustin didn’t seemed phazed. 

“Look Buddy, I’m all here for helping out a Party member, but…” He sucked in one of his cheeks, “I’m not willing to do your homework for you.” He landed on flatly, Steve winced at the implication. 

“No Dustin, it’s not that I swear.” He gestured wildly, “I just need your help finding something, cuz one you have a library card, when I don’t-” 

“You don’t have a library card?” 

“-And! You’re smart enough to know where to look.” Steve ended on, there was a third reason, but Steve was still touchy on it. Wasn’t like he wanted to say  _ and I can’t fucking read.  _ Dustin blinked, but his cheeks started to get red, Steve couldn’t exactly tell if it was embarrassment or something else. 

“I mean, I could look under the maps and geology.” He mused, his face splitting into a smile. Steve smiled right back.

“Yeah! That!” Steve nodded, swinging the doors open noisily to let Dustin in. 

“Okay what was it again? Sakin?” Dustin mused already heading farther into the back of the building. It was weird to say the least. 

Steve had never been in a Library before, maybe he had but he certainly didn’t remember it. There was rows upon rows of tall shelves lined with books, as well as some tables where people sat reading. 

Steve didn’t even know the Library had computers, which they had lined up on the far left wall. 

It was eerily quiet and cold, and it made Steve’s skin tingle. 

“What?” Steve hissed back, already falling behind the younger boy, Dustin really had too much energy. 

“THE NAME STEVE!?” He shouted back and Steve jumped back in surprise. The responding ‘ _ shhhhh!’ _ was enough to make Steve embarrassed. 

Judging by the Librarian’s tired expression and Dustin’s nonchalance to being shushed, this wasn’t the first time Dustin was overtly loud. 

Steve sped walked over to his friend’s side, “It’s Sankin, and Dude! Not so loud!” He hissed at the younger boy. Dustin threw Steve a bewildered look at that. 

Did he really not know how loud he was being? 

Dustin started pulling out maps and books, “What country is that in?” Dustin threw back. Steve froze. 

_ Wasn’t that the question of the year.  _

“Uhh….” Steve blanked, he watched as Dustin slowly turned around towards him. “That’s what I’m trying to find out…” Steve drifted off. Dustin simply blinked back in response. 

“Oooohhhhkay,” He started pulling out even more books. Steve sighed, already knowing Dustin was judging him, it was inevitable. 

Dustin pulled up a map of the U.S. and Steve twitched. Accent...accent, the U.S. had accents...so maybe?

“I don’t think it’s in the U.S. buddy.” Steve prompted, reaching towards a different book of places, he wasn’t entirely sure but judging by the picture, it was Italy. 

“How would you know?” Dustin huffed, and goodness remind Steve to never steal Dustin away from getting desserts, he got snippy. 

“I just do.” Steve huffed back, flipping through the pages. 

“How do you even spell that?” Dustin replied back, flipping through the pages. Steve froze. 

“Uhhh…” Steve looked down at the page below him, “S…” He started, Sankin...Sankin...sound it out that was all. 

Except Steve couldn't...in fact he was completely blank on it at that moment and Dustin looked up from the maps to eye Steve questionably. 

_ Oh gods… _

Steve gulped and stood up with a loud squeal of his chair. "Let's go take a break. Milk shakes sound good? Good." Steve didn't wait for a reply, instead turning around and heading out the library. 

He could just barely make out Dustin struggling to follow behind, "wha-Steve?" 

Steve just kept walking, pulling his keys out and spinning them on his fingers. 

"Come on Dustin, I felt bad for the cookies, let's get milkshakes." He smiled back, his cheeks ached for how much he seemed to be smiling lately, he hoped it didn't show on his face. 

He easily slammed his way out of the library, Dustin scrambling behind reaching him. He was thankfully quiet, but by the little skip in his steps maybe Steve had succeeded in distracting him. 

Or well that's what he had thought until Dustin had drank half of his milkshake and stared Steve down  _ intensely.  _

"Hey Steve, I have a question." He stated, licking his lips, he had a little bit of ice cream dripping down his chin. 

Steve hummed noncommittally trying to not freak out. 

"How come you couldn't spell the place?" He asked not at all softly, he looked absolutely suspicious. Steve licked his lips, scooting back from his milkshake, and let his eyes scan around at the dinner.

“What do you mean?” Steve mumbled, trying to ignore where the conversation was going. Dustin’s eyes narrowed even more as he leaned in even further, pushing his finished milkshake out of the way. 

“Steve.” He pushed. 

“Yeah?” 

“Steve. If you don’t know how to spell it, you could have just sounded it out.” Dustin offered, but the way he drifted off, it really sounded like he wasn’t done then. 

Steve nodded half-heartedly, his shoulders unconsciously shrugging. 

"Steve. Can you not spell?" Dustin asked, uncharacteristically quiet. Steve gulped looking down, 

"Look Dustin, I'm not retarded or anything, I swear, I ju-" 

"You're not a retard!" Dustin blurted, Steve instantly shushed him. Checking around to make sure people weren't staring. 

"You just can't spell right? Have trouble reading?" Dustin launched out. Steve blinked rapidly. 

"What?" 

"I just…" Dustin quirked an unsure smile, "I noticed sometimes you mix words and the street names up." He then sucked in a breath. 

"Like how you always call Maple street Malpe." He shook his head, "I never said anything, but well...it's kind of hard to not notice." Steve blinked processing what he was hearing.

"You mean...you've...you've known this whole time!" Steve screeched and for once Dustin was the one to jump back from the peal of noise. 

Steve ran his fingers through his hair. 

"Well...I mean, I've read about it! You know problems like that." 

"Problems like that?" Steve questioned. 

"Yeah! Umm...I struggle too sometimes. It was...learning disabilities!" He landed on. Steve couldn't help but stare at him. 

"You struggle too?" He asked softly, "but you read all the time?" 

"No Steve, there's tons of learning disabilities." He informed slowly as if Steve wouldn't understand it he hadn't. 

"I have a hard time keeping my attention. An attention disorder." He stated easily. "My mom says it's nothing to be ashamed of." He smiled at Steve. 

"Oh." Steve looked down, "who would have thought?" Steve breathed out. 

It was...almost- well no, it wasn't surprising, Dustin did always have trouble staying focused, but to find out that it wasn't that odd…

Steve felt like his world was expanding before him. How had he not noticed that others were like him.

He couldn't help but briefly wonder how many people were put there struggling just as he had, and had he just must it all along? 

"So don't worry buddy, just tell me the name and we'll find it!" Dustin beamed over at Steve and  _ oh… _

_ He loved this kid, this was the sibling he always wanted, a little brother.  _

"Yeah." Steve smiled back. 

* * *

"No way." Steve whined as he his eyes watered from attempting to decipher  _ another _ book. 

"It's nowhere Dustin." He groaned, plunking his head down on the table. 

"How is there nothing?" Dustin breathed out. Steve could hear him get just as exhausted from the search as he was. 

"Don't you have any clues as to where?" 

"It's near a Cape North...I think?" Steve called back with his head pressed against the table, it had felt nice since it was cold, but it wasn't staying that way. 

"Steeeeveee, that's just a secondary unknown location." Dustin whined right back.  _ Ugh and he was right.  _

Steve lifted his head, he felt like falling asleep and well Dustin looked like he was three steps away from taking one right then and there.

"There's an accent?" Steve tried. He watched as Dustin swung his head lazily towards him.

"Oh my god." Dustin breathed out, but there wasn't any revelation on the tip of his tongue. Instead he blinked at Steve in disbelief, as if he had said the dumbest thing in the world. 

"I'm going to need more than that." He stated, looking up at the ceiling. Steve groaned back and let his head smack back down on the table. 

Clues. Clues. He needed an actual general location. 

Their whole search had been a bust and it had been hard work! Between Steve struggling to read and Dustin struggling to stay on task, it was  _ agonizing. _

"I can try and find more info." Steve answered back and he heard Dustin huff. 

"You owe me serious dinner after this, Steve." Steve snorted. 

"Yeah buddy, sure, what do you want." He stretched back, letting his head lift up, only to fall back on his hand as he stared at Dustin. 

"Hmmm." Dustin sucked in his cheeks, "I'm feeling...pizza!" He smirked back at Steve, and Steve smiled right back. 

"Pizza it is." 

* * *

Trying to find Sankin and Cape North came to a whole new issue. Steve needed more information, and that wasn't exactly easy. The folder was nowhere helpful, in fact nowadays it just felt like it was mocking Steve. 

_ Mocking him in its blueness, so bright and eye catching and  _ _ absolutely _ _ unhelpful.  _

Which meant he really only had one avenue to take. 

Joyce. 

Which brought a world of issues all on its own.

_ For once Steve wanted things to just be easy.  _

Finding Joyce was simple, she was always either at home or at work, finding Joyce with free time, now  _ that _ was a miracle. 

Joyce didn't have the option to leisurely wait around, not like Mrs. Wheeler did, Joyce worked, and when she wasn't working she was taking care of things. 

Something Steve had always admired about her, how did she not get  _ tired?  _

Even Steve's own nannies had been exhausted of Steve, and they had been paid to deal with him. 

And Joyce had  _ two _ boys to look over. 

Although Steve doubted Jonathon and Will were as wild and terrible as little Steve had been. 

Steve shook away that thought. 

Joyce...he needed to track down Joyce. 

His best bet was on a Sunday, since most of the shops closed down anyways, and honestly Steve wasn't terribly certain the Byers were even christians. 

He certainly had never seen them at church. 

Well it didn't matter, it worked out better for Steve anyways, seeing as that meant Joyce would be home. 

The only problem was...would she have time to talk to Steve. 

And well no...there was two problems to that, Joyce may want to talk about Steve's  _ homelife… _ or whatever she and Hop thought was going on. 

Steve could  not have that happen. 

He really didn't need that added stress. 

Either way Steve was going to have to great creative or really think about it and neither of those were his strong suit. 

_ Which really sucked. _

He had picked up his phone a  _ billion _ times, each time slamming it back down before he could have the courage to dial the numbers. 

And before he knew it, February had passed him by and Spring was in the air. Although the warmth didn’t help with his confidence. 

He hated how afraid he was; not so much of an answer, and not really of a lack thereof.

Maybe it was the fear of reaching out...of asking for help. Maybe it was the fear Joyce might see right through Steve. 

Either way he couldn't name it, and it had the strength to still him and he attempted to do anything. 

He felt like he was being caged down. 

He couldn't just wait around though, as much as he would like to climb back into his bed and pretend nothing was happening, that the Upside Down didn't exist, or that he wasn't adopted and he hadn't ruined Tommy's life. 

He  _ couldn't _ . 

Something was... _ wrong _ with Steve...there had to be, as much as Steve was dumb, all the pieces were lining up to something  _ unnatural.  _

Which really meant Steve needed to be brave. 

So when he picked up his phone for the billionth and one time, he didn't slam it back down on the receiver. Instead his fingers shook as he pressed in the numbers. 

"Hello?" Jonathon answered. 

Steve slammed the phone back on the receiver.  _ Oh…he hadn't counted on someone else answering.  _

Steve sucked in his lips, he  _ really _ didn't want Nancy finding out what he was doing. He had an odd sensation she was going to judge him for it. He slowly let his head rest on the wall beside his phone, biting his lip. Right...he had to do this.  _ He had to do it, he couldn’t keep putting it off.  _

_ What if he was a risk to the Party?  _

He picked up the phone and redialed the number, he had it memorized by now with how many times he had attempted to have strength to call. 

  
  


“Hello?! This is Jonathon speaking.” Jonathon answered again, Steve sucked in a shallow breath, he was trying to remember how to breathe. 

“Yeah, Hi, uhhh…” He swallowed the urge to vomit, “ is Joyce there?” Steve spat out, his blood feeling cold within him, when had he ever been so nervous to speak on the phone? 

“Steve? Is that you?” Jonathon asked softly, ever so gently, Steve could see his resemblance to Joyce at times like this. 

“Yeah, umm, your mom?” Steve tried to urge,  _ was his hand shaking?  _

“Oh! Yeah, I’ll go get her, everything okay?” Jonathon whispered, Steve could hear the shuffle of Jonathon walking with the phone, he had seen how long their cord was, especially with the new phone line. 

“Yup!” Steve unfortunately popped the P at the end, feeling more awkward than he ever had before. 

_ Oh gods, he sounded so forced.  _

Jonathon thankfully didn’t answer back, instead Steve could hear a small cough in response and the shuffle of the phone being handed over. Steve felt like he forgot to breathe. 

“Steve? Everything okay?” Was Joyce’s soft voice lilting through the earpiece. Steve couldn’t tell if he wanted to let a breath out in relief or shake in fear. 

He was terrible at all of this, he was he allowed to be in charge of his own life?  _ Oh wait. _

“Hi Mrs. Byers….I uhhh…” Steve blanked, he was half tempted to slam the phone down, hanging up. Steve could feel his body start to panic at the prolonged silence. 

“Steve?” 

“Right! Uhm, I just was...I just wanted to ask if maybe I could talk to you...Whenever you’re available that is, if you aren’t that’s okay! No worries! At all!” Steve winced as he slammed his head into the wall, his game had severely dropped since he had been dumped by Nancy. 

“Oh! Of course Steve, Why don’t you come over now, huh?” Steve almost fell backwards. 

“Now?” 

“Well yes, if you can.” She sounded so very gentle, as if she was speaking to Will and it sort of made Steve’s chest ache. 

“Uhhh, yeah, I can stop by now, thanks.” Steve didn’t wait for a reply, instead slamming the phone down like he had so many times before and collapsed in on himself like a dying star. 

He let himself curl up in a small ball and the urge to scream into his hands was strong. 

Steve got up and looked down realizing he wasn’t even wearing pants. 

_ yeah...Probably best to start with that, get dressed. Then head out. Simple.  _

Then talking to Joyce…. _ less simple.  _

No,  _ no, _ he wasn’t going to let her talk about his parents….within reason. He was only trying to figure out if she knew about Sankin, or Cape North, nothing else. The only goal was to figure out clues as to where those two places were so Dustin and him could actually find them. 

That was it!  _ Back to simple.  _

Right.  _ Okay, He could do this. He could do this.  _

Steve got dressed and pulled on his beat up white tennis shoes, (they weren’t even white anymore.) Pulling his keys out and with a small bang of his door shutting, he was out. 

It had been awhile since he’d driven around town. The snow was mostly gone now that March had arrived, although the air was still brisk. The town was again eerily empty on Sundays, it was less creepy now that Spring was here, but it still was so...for lack of a better one  _ dead. _

The shops were always closed and everyone was still at church. It was quiet except for the town, and somehow that made everything worse. 

There were bird chirps in the air, and the sound of wind blowing through the trees, and for a moment Steve thought he could hear something scratching and digging below him. 

He turned down the Byers road, his windows rolled down, feeling the wind cooling his fiery cheeks. 

He felt... _ unprepared _ for what he was about to do. It was like he was standing in front of the Quarry all over again, staring down at the water below. He even felt the swoop in his chest and his stomach twist at the thought. 

The road felt like it was endless, as if every second he got closer the road stretched out further, it was as if he would never reach his destination. 

  
  


Steve was so conflicted he wasn’t entirely sure what he was meant to feel anymore. 

* * *

Joyce smiled when she opened the door. She squeezed his hand tight when he walked into the room, and for some reason she was home alone, Steve didn’t know where Will or Jonathon had gone. 

She also made a lovely (if not slightly burnt) coffee for both of them and sat down with a small smoking cigarette in her fingers. Somehow she looked more anxious than Steve felt. 

“Hi honey.” She started, and Steve couldn’t help but look away from her smoking cigarette, he couldn’t look into her eyes.

“You wanted to talk?” She prompted, a hand reaching out and Steve wondered for a second if this was what Will felt like at times, his mom reaching out to him. 

Steve wondered if his mother had ever reached out to him like that. 

“Yeah I….” He whispered, he paused, picking the coffee up instead to sip at it, trying to gather his thoughts. 

“Hopper said you knew about me being born in France?” Steve asked still gazing down at the dark coffee in his mug. It seemed to be in theme of lately, staring down into liquid. 

“France?” Joyce blanched and Steve snapped his head up. “Did Hopper say that?” She raised an eyebrow, but quickly blinked away that flash of surprise. 

“No, you weren’t born in France, your Father liked to talk to Lonnie about it all the time.” She shook her head as if in disgust. Steve couldn’t help but stare at her, watching every time she moved as if he was hypnotized by her words. 

“Besides, your mother didn’t grow up here in Hawkins but we all knew she would never risk her figure for children.” She brought a cigarette to her lips, and took a shaky breath, exhaling the smoke. 

“Not that she’s right! Children are always worth it!” She quickly amended, reaching a hand out to Steve, who unconsciously curled away. 

_ “You think I gave birth to you? I would never allow a chance to ruin my figure.”  _

Steve heard Joyce wince back from her own attempt. 

“Right...well...I..” Steve heard her suck in more smoke and push it back out, she sounded more stressed than usual. 

“Well anyways, You weren’t born in France no matter what the stories are. I remember your father telling Lonnie how proud he was going to be of you.” Steve flinched back at those words. 

_ “You better do greater next time, you’re an investment.”  _

“-and I know he might not show it- but...well you can tell me if he doesn’t Steve-” 

“Did they ever mention a place called Sankin?” Steve interrupted, he didn’t want to talk about his parents, he didn’t want to talk about all of this, he  _ didn’t _ .

All of this felt like a twisted punishment. 

“Right.” Joyce sighed and Steve squeezed his mug even tighter. 

“No, he never mentioned that, but I did hear your father call out Cape North? Some port in...I think Alaska?” She paused and tapped her lip in thought and Steve felt like everything around him froze. 

“What?” He whispered softly, his voice cracking. He looked back up to meet the older woman and was frozen at the spot. Joyce met his own line of sight, but she looked confused by Steve’s intense gaze. 

Alaska. 

Alaska…

_ Alaska...was it all from Alaska? That wasn’t even that far away!? _

Joyce leaned in closer, leaning on her arms on the table as she did so. 

“Steve is everything okay?” She asked ever so gently.

_ Alaska.  _

“Yeah, just...don’t remember much of my childhood.” Steve answered back, twisting his lips in an attempt of a smile. 

“You...you don’t?”

“Yeah…” Steve cautiously answered back. 

“But you were six when they brought you home to Hawkins.” She answered back, she eyed Steve evenly. 

“Oh.” Steve breathed out, feeling as if he was caught in a trap. His palms started sweating, “Hopper said something about an accent?!” Steve burst out, choking on his own words, his legs bouncing up and down as he fought the urge to run. 

“Accent? Oh! Yeah, you did, it was something Northern, very cute...I think it was Canadian, but it was a bit think, I think that was some of the French...and the other European countries they made you visit?” Before Joyce could finish Steve was already up a ‘thank you, Joyce, but I have to go’ already stumbling out of his mouth as he left in a hurry. Stubbing his shoe on the rug as he practically ran out of that house. 

He crashed into the door and found himself to his car instantly, peeling off with a pedal to the floor. 

Steve didn’t notice Joyce step after him with his name on her tongue. He didn’t notice her cry out for him to come back, he didn’t notice her look of concern and shaking hands. 

But most of all Steve didn’t notice two small beady eyes watching from the trees above. 

* * *

If anyone asked, (even though he had gone over that no one would) Dustin was sort of Steve’s only friend at this point. 

Which was probably very sad, and honestly sort of pathetic seeing as within the last five months Steve had memorized Dustin’s home number. Hell, he was even well known in Dustin’s neighborhood. It was kind of sad, he really had become a babysitter now, through and through. 

Which was why when Dustin’s mom answered the phone, she didn’t even have to ask who was calling. 

“Hey Ste-”

“Alaska!” Steve screamed into the receiver.

“Wha-”

“Dustin! It’s Alaska! Cape North!” 

“But- Steve we checked Alaska- there was noth-”

“Then we check again! We must have missed something!” 

“Steve...okay.” Dustin sighed, and Steve started to deflate. 

“What is it?”

“What is what?”

“Come on man, you don’t sigh like that for nothing, tell me what’s up.” Steve asked softly. 

“Well I’m going to Science Camp this summer, Mom is even letting me miss the last two days of school to go early...I’ll look but Steve…”  _ Oh...they were running out of time, Dustin would be going to camp and Steve….Steve would be on his own.  _

How sad was that, Steve was suddenly going to be all alone for the summer. With his summer job and debt to his parents, his own failure and if he wasn’t careful- without a highschool diploma. 

Steve leaned against the wall and slowly sunk down to the floor, the phone still in hand, the cord brushing against the side of his arm. 

“It’s okay buddy. We’ll find it.” Steve whispered, not entirely sure if he was lying or not. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it! Tell me what you think! I really am worried about this chapter, it was so difficult to make sure to get it done seeing as I prefer to write in one go than slowly over time...  
Hopefully this next chapter WILL NOT! take as long! 
> 
> Thank you for reading!!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I'm finally back! Thank you everyone for commenting and rhe support! It has been so helpful to escape to such nice comments and writing. 
> 
> My mom unfortunately is temporarily blind for a bit and I've been taking care of her, but it has actually been nice to see her rest as I work.
> 
> That being said thank you everyone for your support and continuing to read this SLOW, SLOOOOOW burn of a fic.

Finding a small port in Alaska was no easy task. Dustin searched of course, they both did. It had gotten so bad that Steve didn't even have to be hounded on to buy a radio to keep in check as they searched. 

Dustin did his best and Steve...well Steve attempted to work towards his goal, but who knew reading maps were even worse than reading in general. 

Mr. Scott had found him pouring over the maps in the school library and had appointed himself as an official help, much to Steve's chagrin. 

In all honesty, he was probably their best bet at finding this unknown location.

Of course his help wasn't free, it never was with adults. Especially adults that wanted something from you. 

Everytime Steve got a grade higher than a D+ Mr. Scott rented out another map. It was a good system, except a touch difficult. Honestly it was a good incentive, seeing as he really was Steve's only hope to finding the place. 

Mr. Scott was always there to be helpful too, always placing a hand on Steve's shoulder and encouraging him to keep working hard. 

_ 'I believe in you Steve.' _

Steve didn't. 

It started getting painful when March slipped away and it became April with no results. Even Dustin was ready to throw in the towel and he had been the one who had started trying to push Steve not to. 

Although it seemed to matter less as Steve's time at school was running out. And his headaches ceased to exist. Steve had become swamped under the building stress of trying to graduate. So much so he barely noticed how Billy seemed to straight up avoid Steve's existence. It would have been sadder had Steve not been entirely drowned under all the packets Mr. Scott and his teachers were throwing his way. It was as if the world was actively working together to make sure Steve wouldn’t have time to think, which was fair. Steve really shouldn’t be allowed to think, it usually ended in disastrous results.

Although, there was some relief seeing everytime Steve managed to survive a packet, Mr. Scott checked another map. 

But then April passed and Steve was almost convinced everything would fade away, just like it had when he had first started highschool. Back when finding out who Steve really was, who his birth parents were no longer mattered. 

Back when he was so occupied with being,  _ okay,  _ that he stopped caring for everything else. 

Steve knew he was close to falling back to that territory, letting the world pass him by, he could feel it in his bones, but he  _ couldn't.  _

Somewhere deep inside himself there was a voice that sounded suspiciously like Will (and maybe a tiny bit like a bird chirp) telling him to not give up. To not let this go. 

He was  _ close! He couldn't give up now. _

Although it didn't matter, not in the end. Dustin was sent on to his science camp with a somber goodbye and a promise to keep looking and school...school finished just as uneventful as Steve wished it hadn't. The last school played out like any other, and Steve...Steve had been cleared to walk, he ended with straight C's and no prospects. 

The thought had made Steve laugh. 

He had been handed his gown a while ago, he put it on and sat on his chair looking at his hands a couple seats down from Tommy. He could hear his parents cheering for him, clapping happily, not too loud, but not overtly quiet. They cared like that. 

No one came for Steve. 

In the end they called his name, he walked up, was handed a paper and was pushed to sit back down and Steve couldn't help and stare at it. 

All that work. 

All that pain. 

For what? A single paper?  _ What good did this paper do him? _ It didn't protect him from monsters. 

It wouldn't help him fight off the government.

And it surely didn't guarantee a future. 

Something deep inside just wanted to rip that paper in half. 

  
  


There was a party that night, all the seniors were going, Steve wasn't entirely sure who was hosting it, he hadn't gotten an invite.

He wasn't entirely sure he would have even if he had. Instead he found himself sitting inside Mr. Scott's empty office because that's what he always did. 

He was a person of Hawkins and that meant he liked habit.

Which meant suddenly Steve felt lost, a sort of ' _ what now? _ ' sensation. 

He didn't have college in his future, his parents still were puppeteering him to his debt, and he was no closer to finding home than he had been the beginning of the school year. 

"Steven?" Steve slowly lifted his head from the desk, he didn't remember laying it down, but he watched as his cap fell down the desk and onto the floor. That stupid paper glaring right back at him. 

"Mr. Scott? What are you doing here?" Steve asked, clearing his throat as he properly sat up. Mr. Scott looked Steve over and something about his eyes made Steve uncomfortable...angry, maybe it was pity. 

"I could ask you the same thing. Shouldn't you be out celebrating?" He smiled softly back leaning against the doorframe. Steve scowled. 

"What for?" 

"For working so hard? For making it?" Mr. Scott offered back, walking into the room further. Steve couldn't help but snort. 

"'Making it'...right." Steve picked up his diploma again, looking at his name inked before him. Steven Andrew Harrington. It made him want to puke. 

"You seem..discontent, perhaps I can help?" Mr. Scott always had a way of talking that sort of made Steve's head hurt. It was as if he spoke in cursive, it was hard to follow sometimes. 

"What?" Steve asked as Mr. Scott walked around Steve towards his desk pulling out a small red file, and opening it up.

"Here! A graduation gift." He beamed as he sat down on the desk in front of Steve, handing off the file. 

Steve slowly pulled it open peering inside, his hands started to shake. 

_ Oh. _

_ It was a map. A very detailed map at that. _

  
  


"You found it?" Steve whispered, licking his lips. 

"Of course I did, it meant a lot to you." He heard the other man say, leaning over Steve press a finger on a port. 

"That's Cape North, and here," he dragged his finger along the map through the water and on an island. "That's Sankin." Steve couldn't help but stare and stare. 

"That's it? Right there?" Steve asked pointing at the same spot bumping in Mr. Scott. 

"Yes." He could hear the smile on his lips, but he didnt care.  _ This was it!  _ ** _This was it! His _ ** ** _home!_ **

"I-..does it- umm." 

"Use your words Steven" was Mr. Scott's calming voice. 

"It...what is it? This place? Sankin? Did it say!?" Steve snapped up to openly gape at Mr. Scott, who looked a cross between bewildered and amused. 

"It's a little island, nothing much, seems like a little fishing spot at the Bay." He offered softly, but Steve slowly sat down, that...that couldn't be right? Some island that didn't even have a town? But...but how was Steve "acquired" then?

The file had  _ said!  _ It  _ said  _ he was from this place! It didn't...it didn't make sense! 

"There's...there's not some other Sankin?" He felt his eyes glaze over.

Mr. Scott was silent for a small while. 

"No, it didn't seem like it, but...Sankin Island is known to have a lot of fishermen and shipwrecks, there's a reef there." He offered, and it was just a touch of hope, something Steve didn't know he needed. 

He blew out a breath. "Right, yeah, thanks Mr. Scott, it means a lot."

"You mind telling me why this place is so important Steve?" Mr. Scott scooted closer, a small smile painted on his lips. Steve ducked his head down the minute he made eye contact. 

"Just...some family heritage was all." He mumbled back. 

"I see, well I'm glad you told me, I'm also glad you came to me about this Steven, I know how much it meant to you." Steve slowly lifted his head and Mr. Scott was tilting his head, and his face looked off in the setting sun. 

For some reason it reminded him of something, but he couldn't tell what, like a tingling in the back of his head he couldn't itch. 

"Oh...your welcome Mr. Scott." Steve whispered back but Mr. Scott laughed it off, a hand landing on Steve's shoulder. 

"Please Steve, I'm no longer your counselor, call me Evan." He smiled easily, and something was twisting in Steve's stomach, but he didn't know why. Maybe it was the lack of authority, Steve still had trouble calling Mrs. Byers, Joyce.

"Okay, Evan, thank you." Steve smiled back, leaning over to pick up his cap from the floor. When he got back up Mr. Scott was sitting in the other seat beside him. 

"Steve. I must say I'm so immensely proud of you." He started, something in his voice made the hair on the back of Steve's neck rise, as if he was locked in a room with one of his parents. 

"You've grown so much over these past few months, and worked so hard." His smile was so wide, and yet it didn't feel the same as before. Steve slowly nodded back. His hand reached out and-  _ oh gods, his dad was going to kill him, he was going to bash his head in-  _ this time it didn't land on Steve's shoulder but on his thigh and Steve froze. 

"I'd love to see you outside of school, you've grown into a fine young man." Steve gulped and felt the hand squeeze. He slowly lifted his eyes up and he no longer understood why he had thought those pale eyes had reminded him of his parents. 

Instead those eyes were dark as the sun set behind him, instead they mirrored Tommy's fierce eyes before he had kissed Steve.

Steve jumped back the chair clattering to the floor behind him. 

"Thank you for everything Mr. Scott! I have to go!" Steve blurted out as he turned tail. His cap and the red folder in his hand. The diploma forgotten. 

He didn't look back as he ran to his car. 

* * *

That next morning Steve wasn't woken by an alarm nor a doorbell or a telephone ring. 

Instead Steve was woken by three small familiar clicks as someone in heels walked into his room. 

"Honestly Steven dear, you need to clean your room up more." Came the quiet voice of his mother. Steve instantly sat up. 

"Mom!" He gulped seeing his mother standing before him in a pristine dress suit and heels. She had pearls wrapped around her neck, and diamond earrings she loved to show off. She looked over the room easily, and the way her eyes trailed made Steve feel sick.  _ What if she saw something? Did Steve leave anything out? _ He didn’t dare look himself. 

“Get up Steven, we need to get going soon.” She tutted, turning around easily and stepping out of the room. Steve slowly let the breath fall out. 

“Going?” Steve asked. He watched as his mother side eyed him, calculating. 

“To your first day on the job,” She slowly blinked, and started heading down the hall, “I’m not surprised you forgot, you do struggle with your mind.” her voice faded as she climbed down the stairs. 

"And Steven! I do want to see your diploma, I heard you managed to scrap through graduation." He heard her call out. 

Steve slowly looked around, there was nothing but his clothes strewn about. His cap and gown were tossed in the corner and Steve slowly blinked away the fear he had initially felt. His heart thumped at the potential to bring good news to his mother. His diploma, he had succeeded in  _ something! _ Even if it was a useless paper. His mom was interested! And that was a  _ big  _ deal!

Steve climbed up towards his gown and sifted through it finding his red folder from Mr. Scott. He slowly lifted it up and and slid it under his one of his dresser slots, he couldn't have his mom find out what he was doing, there was no guarantee she wouldn't tell father. 

Steve went back, lifting the gown back up and tossing it to the floor, where was his diploma? He knew he had it when he went to see Mr. Sc-  _ oh...right… _

He suddenly remembered Evan reaching out and squeezing his thigh, remembered having him do it the first time he met, those eyes that had made him uncomfortable, and  _ be knew  _ _ why _ _ now.  _

He had left his diploma back in that office..there was no telling where it would end up now…

Chances were it was gone forever. 

Steve gulped...right...okay...he could handle this. His mom wasn't so bad, she didn't hurt Steve. Not like his dad did anyways. 

Steve quickly tugged on his clothes for the day, pulling out his stupid baby blue button up his mother liked so much. 

He sucked in a breath and held it until he could count to three then let it out. Okay, he could do this. 

He started to climb down the stairs, from the lack of loud bangs and huffs it was just his mom. Steve licked his lips as he reached the ground.

His mother was sitting with a wine glass in her hand and Steve wondered why she was drinking so early in the morning. 

Steve swallowed as he entered into the kitchen. 

"I suppose this house is a little too big for one person to clean." His mother intoned as she ran her fingers across the table, her finger collecting dust as she went. 

Steve didn't dare move. 

"Perhaps I'll call in Lehana," she rubbed her fingers together, looking at the dust crushed between, "do a thorough sweep of the house, hmm?" She turned towards Steve, eyeing him, a threat. Steve slowly nodded, she knew he was hiding something. 

She smiled tightly and stood up. 

"Your diploma Steven?" Her voice lilted as she turned towards him, and Steve felt his stomach freeze over, his hands sweating as he clenched them and unclenched.

"I uhh…" 

"Look at me Steven." She commanded, Steve lifted his head, his head felt so heavy on his shoulders. 

"Umm, I left it at school." Steve answered. He watched as she walked closer, walking around the table towards Steve. 

"Left it at school?" She asked. 

"Yes." Steve nodded. 

"Hmm…" she hummed as she got closer, "I see, that's a shame." Her hand lightly brushed Steve's bangs to the side. "That is if you ever had one." Her hand landed on Steve's shoulder and he flinched. 

She walked past him heading towards the master bedroom, "best eat something quickly, we need to go." Steve numbly nodded. 

He walked over to the counter pulling out a bagel, he could probably forgo the coffee seeing as his mother really did scare his senses into overtime. 

He put the bagels in the toaster real quick, he didn't know what his mother was doing but he could assume she was calling someone. 

Steve scratched the back of his neck as he waited for his food to be ready. 

The doorbell rang. 

Steve turned around to look out towards the door. 

"Steven, get the door." Came out from the master bedroom. 

"Yes mom." Steve replied, instantly heading towards the door, he didn't pause as he swung the door open, but in retrospect, he should've.

Steve froze as he swung the door wide to see one Mr. Scott in front of him. 

"Steve!" He smiled when he spotted Steve, his diploma in his hand. Steve's eyes flickered back to his face. 

"Mr. Scott...wha...what are you doing here?" Steve stumbled, _he felt so tilted today._ _First his mom and now Mr. Scott._

"I wanted to hand off your diploma, you worked so hard for it." He handed the envelope forward, Steve stared at it. He slowly let his eyes dragged up to Mr. Scott's face. 

His smile was pleasant, his eyes even looked kind as he held out the diploma as if it was a peace offering. 

Steve picked his lips and slowly nodded. 

"Thank you." He mumbled cautiously reaching out and taking his diploma from the other man's hands. Mr. Scott smiled and pulled his hand away easily, his eyes never straying. 

"I just want to apologize for yesterday, I think you may have misunderstood-"

"And who is this Steven?" 

Steve whipped around and it was as if the temperature dropped around him. His mother stood behind him in all her glory, her dress suit replaced with an elegant sundress. 

Her hair was no longer pinned up in a bun but down in loose curls around her shoulders.

It looked nothing like her usual style, in fact she looked so….off, too casual, Steve never had seen her dressed like that. 

Although her heels were still the same sleek black she had worn with her suit, something familiar. 

"Oh! I didn't realize you had a sister!" Steve looked over at Mr. Scott who looked pleasantly surprised. Steve slowly turned to his mother who raised a perfectly sculpted eyebrow in response. 

A slow and perfect smile slid on her lips. She brought a hand up to her cheek as if she was blushing, despite the fact there was nothing painting itself on her cheeks. 

"Oh my, you're too kind!" She laughed pleasantly, her laugh dancing through the air, Steve knew that laugh, it was the laugh she used while hosting. 

He knew it wasn't real, he knew bow the minute the people left her laugh stilled into cold stone. 

"It's a pleasure to meet you, it's actually Mrs. Harrington, I'm Steven's mother," she tilted her head, placing a hand on Steve's shoulder, her wedding ring on full display. 

Steve kept his eyes forward towards Mr. Scott, watching the surprise dance across his features. 

"Oh! I wasn't aware- I mean...I didn't see you at the graduation ceremony." Mr. Scott answered; blinking, Steve had to fight the urge to blanch at his response. How could he be so... _ blatant  _ with his mom. 

"Oh? That's odd, Steven, would you be so kind as to introduce this man to me?" She spoke, and it was as if Steve was snapped back into reality like a rubberband. 

He shook his head letting it morph into a nod quickly. 

"Yes, Mom, this is Mr. Scott, he helped me graduate. Even brought my diploma over." He turned easily, passing the envelope along to show it off. He watched as his mother assessed it, a new- more genuine- smile lifted her cheeks. 

"I see." She hummed, Steve couldn't help but beam at the small form of pride, he  _ had made her proud! See! Mom! He had done it!  _

"So you're the one I should be thanking for this?" Steve blinked as his smile started to slip.  _ What…? _

Steve turned to see his mother addressing Mr. Scott instead of him. 

"Oh, really! All the credit should go to your son! He worked so hard!" Mr. Scott smiled kindly at Steve, his eyes crinkling just like they did when he would say, 'I believe in you'.

Steve shivered. 

"Well some credit must go to you, I know how much of a handful my son can be." His mother laughed lightly, no longer pleasant, but iced. Her hand curled easily against Steve's back, either as a threat or a support; he couldn't tell. 

Mr. Scott shook his head earnestly a smile still poised, "honestly he's a great student, he just needs to get a handle around his dyslexia." Steve flinched at the comment.

"Dyslexia?" His mother inquired.

"Yeah! It's clear that's why he struggled so much." Mr. Scott laughed and Steve felt like the floor was falling underneath him. 

"I see." She hummed, "Well I apologize for the amount of work you've done, but I thank you nonetheless." Her hand came up rubbed Steve's back, a support, she must've noticed the flinch. She always was so good at reading people. The  _ best. _

"Nonsense! It was my pleasure! And I hope that packet helped!" Steve repressed the urge to vomit as his stomach fell past his feet. His mother's hand slipped away completely. 

"Packet?" She raised her eyebrow, leaning in just ever so closer. 

"Well yes- the one on Al-" 

"-abama!" Steve jutted in, his hands sweating profusely, "he was helping me look into colleges in Alabama!" Steve whipped to his mother with a tight smile, he knew he was unconvincing,  _ he was caught.  _ His mother let her icy eyes run over to Steve and he felt like she was seeing everyone of his secrets, as if he was a bug on display, and she was pinning hin down to cut him open. 

"Alabama?" She so casually intoned. Steve nodded furiously, turning to Mr. Scott desperately reaching to convey his plea.  _ It wasn't going to work. It wasn't going to work. Steve was caught! She was going to find out he took the folder! And if she found out!  _ ** _If she found out-of gods-ohgods- _ ** ** _he was going to die._ **

"Yes! It has lovely schools there, I was trying to push Steve to look outside of sports, he actually has a back for math once he gets the formulas down." Mr. Scott smiled at Steve, then at his mother, not letting a single stray thought of confusion cross his face. 

"Is that so." Steve knew he hadn't convinced his mother,  _ oh gods oh gods oh gods oh gods. _

"Yes ma'am." Came Mr. Scott's reply. He heard his mother shift, but he didn't dare turn towards her. 

"Well, as much as I would love to continue our conversation, we were just about to leave, please excuse us Mr. Scott." She gently ushered Steve forward, her heels clicking on the concrete as she stepped out on the porch. Steve kept his eyes trained on the car ahead. 

"Of course! It was a pleasure Mrs. Harrington." Steve started walking towards the car as if he was heading to the gallows, his fingers rhythmically tapping against his thigh in nerves. 

"The pleasure was all mine." He mother called back as she walked behind Steve, her heels clicking ever so presently, it was as if each click was a shot through Steve's brain. 

They reached the car and Steve watched as his mother walked around getting towards the driver's side. She closed her eyes as she unlocked the car looking like a goddess in the summer sun. 

"Oh and Mr. Scott?" She called out, her voice skipped through the air and the heat, cutting through all the noise of the town around them. Steve swore that voice alone was enough to suspend time. 

He watched as Mr. Scott paused at his own car, an easy smile on his lips. 

"Yes?" 

He watched as his mother tilted her head letting her hair fall to one side, she looked absolutely ethereal. 

"If I catch you sniffing around my son again I'll make sure you never see the light of day again." Steve snapped his eyes to his mother's face, her mask of pleasantries gone, leaving behind only the cold statuette Steve was familiar with. 

_ How…? How had sh- _

"I'm sorry Mrs. Harrington, I don't believe i-" 

She lifted her hand, "Do not interrupt me Evan." She raised her eyebrow, Steve couldn't look away. "Get off my property." She lightly commanded, never raising her voice, she opened her door. 

It only occurred to Steve then that neither of them had ever told her Mr. Scott's first name. 

"Have a wonderful day Evan." She called out as she fluently sat in the car, Steve was quick to follow, still entranced by his mother's performance. He could see Mr. Scott staring slack jawed as his mother started the car. 

She was well pulled away and far from Mr. Scott before Steve found his voice again. 

"H-how did-" Steve attempted. 

"Honestly Steven, I'm not a fool." She replied, a hand raising boredly to rest on her arm rest. Steve didn't know what that meant... _ had Mr. Scott been that obvious? _

"Where did he touch you." Her voice was completely monotone and Steve furrowed his eyebrows. 

"Touch?" Steve questioned. 

"Please Steven, I know you're no blushing virgin." Steve's face became aflame, "you got your father's…" she paused as if searching for a word,"hunger." She landed on. Steve wanted to die.

He turned to look out the window, wanting nothing more to throw himself out of the car. 

"My thigh..that's it." Steve mumbled, watching the passing scenery. 

"I see." She hummed, Steve felt incredibly embarrassed as they passed more houses.

"You know Steven, I want to say, I know I don't show it well, but I do love you very much." Steve froze as his mother spoke easily. 

"You understand right?" She asked so kindly and Steve gulped. 

"Yes mother." He whispered ever so softly back. 

"Good...so I want you to know Steven, you can tell me anything okay?" She spoke evenly, and Steve felt the air get colder. 

Steve slowly nodded, never turning towards his mother, he knew if he did he would cave. He would believe her. 

"Steve, I'm proud of you for graduating." Steve swallowed as his heart thumped.  _ Oh.. _

He tried not to cry, it was so simple. So small of words and yet it was enough to shatter him into a million pieces, he was just a pet begging for scraps and he could see it now. 

The car descended into silence and Steve kept his eyes trained to the outside, watching Hawkins passby.

"Where are we going?" Steve called out.

"To your work." Steve blinked, reaching a hand up to wipe his tears. 

"I didn't think the mall had opened yet?" Steve finally turned to his mom. 

"It hasn't, but you do start training a week before, do you not remember?" She flicked her eyes over to Steve and he was pinned for a moment, suspended in her gaze. 

She finally looked back at the road. 

"Oh." Was all Steve could muster, his heart tired from the thudding, he felt like a headache was coming along. 

He rubbed his temple and turned back to the window. 

"Was that man the one who said you had dyslexia?" Steve blinked, it was odd to have his mother talk so much to him. 

Something felt so so off. Like when Will had disappeared, it wasn't immediate, but as if someone had tilted his world by a fraction. It was obviously wrong but Steve couldn't point out where or why?

"Yes." Steve lied, something whispering in the back of his mind,  _ don't tell them about Billy.  _

Billy knew too much, if his parents ever found out…  _ 'I'll make sure you never see the light of day again'. _

Steve couldn't let that happen. 

"And how did that come about?" She intoned, bored, as if this conversation was anything but a mental chess game. 

As if she wasn't placing down mines for Steve to stumble into and lose everything. 

"I had trouble reading." Steve answered, fighting the urge to duck his head down, he... _ oh gods his head hurt from all the mental maneuvering.  _

She hummed noncommittally in response. Steve felt a shiver run up his spine. He felt so uncomfortable, not only in this situation, but in his clothes, as if they were too tight on him, too stuffy. But the worst was feeling the overwhelming discomfort in his own skin, as if each lie he told tightened his skin to his bones, pulling and compressing to the point Steve was afraid he'd collapse in on himself like a dying star. 

Just a ball of flesh and shattered bones.  _ The face split open to reveal a darkness that Steve was afraid could leak into his own skull. A monster, a genuine monster.  _

Steve sucked in a breath, to try and calm himself down... _ had his mother known about the dyslexia? Had his dad?  _

He closed his eyes and reopened them to see they were heading down to the mall, they past the general store Joyce worked at. Steve remembered her words;  _ 'But you were six when they brought you home to Hawkins' _

Steve blinked… _ hold on... _ something wasn't right. He thought back to Hopper's words.

_ 'Well...baby was generous, you were three when they finally came back to Hawkins' _

Steve blinked and looked down at his hands, something wasn't right with this timeline, with his parents, with his hometown, with everything. 

And his headaches was coming back now. steve wasn't smart enough to figure everything out. 

It was as if he was being presented a puzzle to put together when all the pieces were changing endlessly, making it never certain whether they were the right pieces or not or even if he was missing some. 

He watched as they drove past the community pool. Steve blinked when he saw a familiar blond sitting at the lifeguard post and he couldn't help the small puff of laughter. 

Billy had taken his advice. 

* * *

Reaching the mall was odd, his mother walked him to the shop as if he was being dropped off at kindergarten. She had smiled and flitted herself to the manager, and then with a swift smile and a promise to pick Steve up, she was gone. 

It was bizarre.

And then everything changed when he was handed his uniform. He blanched as he held it up and saw the shorts,  _ they were  _ _ way _ _ too small.  _ This had to be a joke... _ right?  _

He was shown to a bathroom to change and  _ yes, the shorts were too small, it was awful.  _ He hated everything about it, it was as if he was wearing tight swim trunks. The shirt wasn't too bad, if not a bit odd, the sailor theme was absolutely horrendously designed. 

Then Steve saw the socks and  _ you've got to be kidding. _

They were knee high and absolutely stupid, Steve didn't pull them up all the way. And  _ of course  _ there was a hat to wear. 

This was a personal torture, he knew it,  _ he just  _ _ knew _ _ his dad had set this up to belittle and embarrass him.  _

His father always knew how to twist a knife when he hit his target. 

_ 'You'll never be a man you hear me! You're property! You do what I say and nothing more or so he-'  _

Steve walked out without the hat. There was a total of five workers all in uniform, Steve didn't recognize the other man there, but it really seemed unfair his shorts at least reached his knees while Steve's didn't. 

What was even more unfair was the three girls' uniforms were significantly less... _ revealing _ than the men's uniform. The shorts more puffy and longer. 

Steve wanted to tell at whoever designed the theme of this place. It was  _ godawful _ . 

Steve lined up next to the other workers as Mr. Harpster walked in with another man. 

"Good morning everyone!" He smiled and the there was a small tour. Steve followed behind, the last in the line as they were showed the walk in freezer with the rest of the icecream, the uniform suddenly made even less sense. 

_ It was freezing in the shorts and socks!  _

"So please pair up, and we will go over scooping techniques." Mr. Harpster ordered and Steve blinked,  _ scooping techniques??  _

The disbelief was almost palpable as they started to pair off, Steve turned to the girl next to him. She had a medium cropped hair that was dirty blond. Her sneakers were doodled all over with sharpie. Steve blinked down at it,  _ were...were those naked women? _

Steve smiled charmingly at the girl. 

"Hi, I'm-" the girl looked him up and down and a scowl was easily disturbing her features. She landed on his face.

"You've got to be  _ fucking _ kidding me." She blurted out, her face in a pure grimace. Steve blinked. 

"I'm sorry?" He offered, her eyes narrowed even more. 

"I know who you are, Steve,  _ the hair,  _ Harrington." She spat his name as if it was a curse.  _ Oh gods.  _

Steve winced, "uh..yeah just Steve is okay." He turned to the other pairs that were scooping icecream. 

"Do you want to get...to working?" Steve attempted, bit the glare was never ending. She snatched a scooper from Steve's hands and got to work, Steve flinched away as he too followed suit. 

Great, it wasn't even his first sag of proper work, and  _ already  _ he had someone hating him.  _ Incredible.  _

Steve scooped up vanilla. He turned to the girl with her hat poised to fall inside the ice cream bar. 

"Uhh...well, hey, umm, your hat is going to fall." Steve pointed out to her as she snarled. Steve winced again. 

"I don't give a shit." Steve recoiled.

"Um..I'm sorry for whatever I did.." Steve started not looking at the girl, "I'm sure I deserve it, but I hope we can be...civil to each other." Steve tried to smile at the girl, and her responding wince seemed just as uncomfortable as Steve felt. 

"Fine, I suppose that's fair." She offered looking Steve over. 

"Names Robin." She stated, not offering up a hand or anything, but a raised eyebrow. Steve nodded and smiled awkwardly back. 

"Steve..but you-"

"I already know that dingus." She scowled, Steve cringed.

"Right, yup, anyways, nice to meet you Robin." She simply nodded back. 

This job was probably going to be hell. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it!
> 
> This chapter is very dialogue heavy but no worries guys! We are FINALLY making it to season 3! 
> 
> And dont worry guys Robin isnt going to be ooc, we just have somethings to work with, I just want to make sure everyone's characterization is realistic in their setting and Robin has no reason to like Steve just yet, shes bitter and I wanted to make sure that got through.
> 
> Also no worries Billy will be coming back soon!   
Like I said...this is a very SLOW slow burn fic, but we are getting there no worries okay! 
> 
> I've got so much Crazier things planned and I cant wait to write them. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! Please tell me what you think, comments make my day as well as speed me along in writing.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man, I'm so sorry for the delay, this one got me a bit, and I was so impossibly busy, I am currently taking 3 of the heaviest homework loads classes in my school, and it was a MISTAKE. 
> 
> But I have to survive, so that's that. 
> 
> Also thank you to everyone who commented, we are FINALLY jumping into it, and I'm real excited for this chapter, its not my best work but it was a blast to write.

On Steve's third day of training things became..._odd._

His mother had finally left with a new hideous vase, and gone with her was the weight of fear, or well some of it. Steve didn't know how his mother knew things or what was happening around him anymore but he knew a play when he saw one. 

He could see the players being put into position, his mother was running a play, the problem was Steve didn't know what, nor what game they were playing. 

It was _exhausting_. 

Then training had been a pain in the ass, and Steve was told he was going to work opening day with Robin, who had coincidentally been avoiding him since the first day. Well as much as one could in a tight icecream shop. 

Steve had started to hate his '_King Steve_' title, what was he even the king off? Nothing. Steve wasn't a king but a '_child slave to some rich people.'_

In all honesty training could probably be only two or three days -it was hardly necessary for a week- but the Manager wanted to build 'camaraderie'; which sounded like a lie. Especially with the way he leered at them. 

Steve hadn't even heard the only other guy's name. But he had met Robin, Georgia, and Nicole, who unfortunately ranged from uncaring to downright hostile; Robin especially. 

And of course none of the other girls liked Robin, he couldn't imagine why, _she was so friendly_. But in the end that meant Steve was usually stuck with her, he really was too much of a push over. 

Georgia had such pretty blond hair and she begged Steve everytime to take Robin seeing as Nicole and...whatever-his-name were kind of a thing. 

So of course Steve did it, and Robin spent the time scowling making rude comments and generally running away from him. 

It was productive. 

Of course that changed on the third day. The third day came with..._complications_.

First of all Steve woke that morning with a nightmare, one that had been so graphic and yet so far when he had been woken. 

Which meant he felt a graphic fear and couldn't place the exact reason why other than the sprinkling sands of oppressive darkness and someone speaking to him. 

Then he had run out to find his shorts were on backwards, which made everything so much worse. Which meant he was late and was forced to shimmy out in the bathroom and turn his shorts around. 

Then Georgia begged him to partner up with Robin instead, and Steve couldn't argue so he went along with it. 

Then he had to be trapped changing the icecream cambros with Robin having to scoop. Of course since he was late he had lost his chance to eat, and then had a terrible headache. 

And the cold was only making it worse, his hair standing on edge when he swung the walk-in freezer open. His head ached when he picked up a gallon of vanilla. 

It stung when he brought it over to change out will Robin swung her scooper around. She looked thoroughly miffed. 

Steve rubbed his temple as the bright lights swirled for a moment. 

"Hey." Steve scrunched his eyes up and stumbled away from the counter, away from Robin and her clanging scooper. 

"Hey!" Steve felt his head start to heat up, was that buzzing in his ears? He pressed his head against the freezer's door. 

"Hey! Dingus!" He heard ring out behind him. Steve pulled away from the door to wince at the girl behind him, there was an iron tang blast against the back of his throat. 

"What?" Steve whined, opening his eyes as a small buzz started to play in the back of his mind. It was as if someone was whispering in his head. 

"Whoa...you okay?" Came a surprised groan. Steve blinked up at Robin's blue eyes, they weren't as blue as Billy's were, but something about them swarmed warmth, and yet hostility. They weren't cold like the air around them nor like his mother's. 

"What?" He mumbled as he looked at Robin? Something warm started to slide down his lips. 

"You're bleeding man." She pointed out, using the scooper as a pointer. Steve reached a shaky hand up touching the slick blood dripping down his face. 

"Oh." Steve breathed out, and rubbed at where the blood had started to drip. 

"Shit." Steve huffed, pressing the back of his hand to his nose. He leaned forward as his blood started to drip down his arm. 

"Shit, uhh!" Robin scrambled back stumbling to get paper towels, Steve was quick to follow after. "Shit, here!" She shoved the paper towels in Steve's hands. Steve stumbled back as he tried to catch the falling blood.

"You okay?" She hissed, a raised eyebrow as Steve tilted his head up and pinched his nose, the paper towel now stuffed up his nostrils. 

"Ya." Steve managed to get out. Rubbing his temple as he did so. He closed his eyes and just swayed for a moment, trying to take a moment to breathe and get that strange buzzing out of his head.

It was as if a fly was in his mind fluttering about but everytime Steve got close to grasping it, it flew away.

"Soo..are you like...okay?" Came Robin's voice, Steve blinked, and looked down at her, he was surprised she hadn't left. Leaving seemed more her style...in fact giving him paper towels seemed not her style at all.

"Oh..uh, yeah just...the cold." He stated lamely. He watched her eyebrows furrow in a mix of disbelief, exhaustion, and pure astonishment. 

"That's not how the cold works dingus." She put her hands on her hips. Steve blinked, he swore he could hear those exact words ring through his head just in Dustin's voice. 

"Uhh.. are you sure?" Steve tried, finally feeling confident to tilt his head back down, he could still hear a hiss in the background as if steam was escaping from a tight pipe somewhere. 

Robin's eyes narrowed even further. 

"Quite." She stated slowly, Steve winced back, shrugging as he tried to step around her. 

"Weird."

"Do you still have side effects from your concussion?" Steve paused, turning to the girl behind him, her eyebrows were narrowed and if he looked hard enough he could trick himself into thinking he saw concern. 

"What?" Steve asked, his hand still on his nose. 

"Your concussion." She cocked her head. 

"How do you know about that?" Steve questioned back, something rising along his skin. 

"Kne-" she shook her head as if Steve had said the dumbest thing alive, "_everyone knew about it, 'King Steve'_." She drawled out, huffing as she did so. 

"Oh." Was all Steve could muster. She almost went into a snarl and left him to stand in the back room with a blood soaked paper towel stuffed up his nose. 

_Yeah_ probably could have handled that better. He shrugged off the weird shiver running up his neck, and tried to ignore the odd static in the back of his mind. 

It would be an hour later when he could finally leave. Nicole and whoever-that-guy was went home together and Georgia was quick to follow. Of course nothing could go his way, because that was when the Manager informed him he would be working the opening with Robin. 

It was a cruel cosmic joke, especially when she sneered at the information. Steve knew that working with her was going to be hell. 

Luckily by the time he left the mall his brain finally cooled off.

And then it was back to his house, back to his plaid room, and Steve felt like his bones were getting heavier and heavier, until he collapsed into his sheets and closed his eyes. 

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Steve blinked up as his alarm went off. He could feel pressure behind his eyes, and he could feel his heart thumping against his ribcage. He could feel the fear sinking into him, but again he couldn't recall what it was he had seen to make him feel like that. His nightmare slipping away further into the recesses of his mind. 

Of course his nose started bleeding as he drove to work. And of course his headache came back with a vengeance when he reached the mall.

He watched as other restaurants and food shops set up in the food cart around their little horrendous icecream shop. Robin was still silent, and Steve fought the urge to puke as his head thumped constantly. 

When he landed in his bed that night he wasn't entirely sure he was going to find relief. 

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Steve was shocked awake by his alarm again, and he passed through day five of training without too much incident. 

Sure Robin scowled, and Steve was already stuck doing menial tasks, _but hey! At least he was able to 'perfect the scooping technique! Well done!_' while his head banged as if he had a serious hangover. 

It was as if the days were starting to blur together, and yet Steve was still distinctly aware of what day it was, counting down to his first real day on the job.

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.̷.̸.̴.̵ₛ̵ₑ̵ᵥ̶ₑ̴ₙ̴.̴.̵.̵ᵤ̷ₙ̷d̵ₑ̸ᵣ̶ₛ̵ₜ̶a̸ₙ̷.̴.̷.̵ₛ̷ₜ̵a̴ᵣ̶ₜ̵.̸.̷.̷.̸g̷a̶ₜ̵ₑ̵.̴.̶.̶ₙ̵ₒ̸w̷.̴.̴.̴

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Steve woke with a start on day six with a nosebleed clogging his senses. His ears felt as if they were filled with cotton, and his head was aching as if he had been beaten all over again. 

It felt as if any progress he had made in getting his head on right again fell through the cracks. 

There was a perpetual static bubble around the mall, anytime he got close he swore he could hear a slow whisper behind him, always tight in his left ear. Always so quiet and muffled for him to make out. It was as if the mall was haunted. 

The oddest part was no one seemed to hear it, no matter how much Steve complained about it, it sounded as if an off station radio was left on somewhere, and the vibrations bumped straight to his ear. 

It was the _worst…_

And then it got even worse with his manager explaining the check system and then being stopped to tell him Steve would only be receiving tip, his checks were automatically being sent to a bank account. 

So his father had been thorough with his threat. 

Steve wasn't going to get a dime for his work. 

He went home seeing a dirty blond sat upon an ivory tower overlooking a pool. He kept on driving. 

And when he reached his house he walked inside and stumbled up his stairs and collapsed into his bed.

And then it was day seven, and then it was day eight. 

That monday morning was just as terrible as the ones before. It started with a blaring alarm and then a stale bagel breakfast. 

He got into his uniform and shrugged on his jacket, pulled up his socks and left. 

It was hot, in a way Steve hated, the type where the air was cold but the sun burned. It made wearing the jacket almost unbearable. 

Steve passed the pool as he drove, he didn't see Billy this time. 

He drove to the mall and instantly saw the flood of cars, people standing around waiting, it was horrendous. Steve slammed his head into his steering wheel. 

Ah, there was that headache. Steve winced at his mistake, he really shouldn't have done that. His head was throbbing and the bright sun did not help. Of course walking into the mall was a nightmare. 

The minute he crossed the threshold he collapsed crushing his hands against his ears as a high pitched ringing ran through the air. 

He winced as it slowly faded, and with it the oppressive force pushing him down. He blinked trying to get the perpetual ringing out of his ears and kept walking. 

He headed towards the food court and spotted the Scoops Ahoy with a scowl. Robin was already inside and Steve could hear a static underneath the shuffle of people moving in. He rubbed his temple as the music of the mall turned on. 

"You're late." Came her voice, Steve looked at her, her hat was placed on her head precariously. 

"Yeah well, I didn't want to come, so." Steve mumbled out as he massaged his head, he could hear the thumping in the back of his head. 

She snorted, and turned around, wiping down the counter. Steve went towards the back room, taking off his jacket as he did so. 

"Don't forget to wear your hat!" She yelled out after him as Steve huffed. 

He did what he was told, pulling that god awful hat onto his head. 

Steve stumbled into the front office, Robin had already counted the till and was moving onto the toppings, placing new spoons in. 

He winced as the buzzing got a touch louder for a moment. 

"Hey...there isn't like...a radio on somewhere is there?" Steve mumbled, Robin raised an eyebrow at him. 

"_Nooo_…." She dragged out, Steve nodded, already regretting asking her.

She watched him as he moved some chairs to be situated nicely. 

"You still hearing static?" She asked, her voice betrayed no emotion, Steve shrugged in response. 

"Sooo...your concussion was real bad?" Steve furrowed his brow as he got everything ready, looking back at Robin, she looked uninterested, but there was something there, something Steve couldn't place. 

Steve shrugged again, "it wasn't great." He mumbled, his left sock starting to slip. He checked the clock, they only had a few more minutes to get ready. 

He didn't tug his sock back up, instead getting behind the counter. 

"Well...I guess we're open." Steve muttered, grabbing the scooper, spinning it in his hand, Robin stood next to him leaning back, she looked bored. Steve could understand the sentiment. 

He leaned back on the counter behind him crossing his arms, he could hear the music of the mall and the ever present humm of static in the background. 

It was almost unbearably awkward. Steve knew he couldn't handle the silence. 

It was then he could see the crowds making their way through, somehow it was almost as daunting as seeing the demodog and realizing there was more than one. 

The thing about working at an icecream shop in the middle of the summer was that it was packed, and Robin was tired of using the catchphrase '_Ahoy! Would you like to set sail on this ocean of flavor with me?'_ (Even if she did edit it to be 'I'll be your captain today, what flavor?') After five times. Which meant Steve was being pushed out to the crowds as a sacrifice. 

And if Steve thought wearing his uniform was embarrassing, being seen in his uniform was downright _traumatizing_. 

Girls laughed, and the guys snickered and all Steve could think was, he wasn't getting paid for it. 

Hell, even Robin laughed once or twice at Steve stumbling on the company catchphrase. _Besides who even had that long of a catchphrase? And having to say it one right after each other?! No._

Steve was losing patience fast and it was only an hour in. 

And then Carol showed up. 

She was dressed in tight jeans and a crop top with a college jacket. Indiana State. 

Steve tried not to stare. Even Carol made it into college. Steve remembered Tommy had planned to go there, seemed she was following him. 

She popped her bubblegum obnoxiously and let her eyes scale up and down on Steve and he tried- _he really did-_ to keep the embarrassed flush from melting his skin. 

"I didn't realize you were working here." She intoned, Steve pulled on a smile, or well tried to. 

"Ahoy, what flavor can I get you today?" Steve tried, too tired to try and get the catchphrase right. Her brown eyes ran over his hat and a small smirk was rising up on her lips. 

"The cherry jubilee." She leaned on the counter with a smile, the line was getting longer.

Steve nodded, scooping up the icecream to place on a cone, heading to the toppings next picking up a spoon- 

"Actually- sorry, I want the Banana Boat." Steve blinked, looking over at Carol smirking at him, she was leaned leisurely on the counter, her elbows rested, and her head leaning on a hand. 

Steve nodded, trying to keep his smile even. 

"Right, got it." He placed the bowl back down pulling out a waffle cone instead, scooping up the vanilla and placing it in the co-

"Actually I don't want it in a cone." She smiled easily, cocking her head. Steve could hear people behind her getting antsy.

Steve nodded, feeling like the temperature was rising. 

"Okay, I'll go ahead and place that in a bowl for you." Steve smiled back, biting his cheek. He turned the cone upside down in the bowl getting prepared, he could see Robin finish with a costumer. 

"You know what? Now that I think about it, I think I actually want the USS Butterscotch." Steve turned and just stared at Carol evenly. She smiled back in response. 

She raised her hand shooing Steve along. Steve couldn't believe this, where did she get off with doing this kind of shit. He never had liked Carol, always too petty, always too vindictive, and most of all, she would talk behind your back so fast. 

"I see." Steve stated. 

"Do you?" She raised an eyebrow, popping her gum once more. Steve sucked in his lips. It was as if the heat was being put on blast, a ringing started going off in his ears. 

Steve nodded stiffly, placing the bowl down next to the discarded Jubilee, moving to grab the big bowl for the USS Butterscotch instead. 

He grabbed the knife, cutting the banana down to line the bowl. He then reached down to get the icecream, grabbing the Vanilla first, strawberry second, and chocol- 

"Hmm? Actually, can you make that all strawberry? Thanks!" She sweetly called out, and Steve' hand shook, the knife dinged against the bowl. He sucked in his lips as the ringing got louder. 

"Right a way then." Steve didn't bother smiling. 

He pulled the icecream back out, only going for strawberry. 

"Actually, I'd prefer it if you started fresh." Steve slammed his hands down, turning to her angrily, his hat slipping as the buzz reached a crescendo, his mode reaching a sharp point, getting so close to pop the membrane of peace. 

He was on the edge of _something_. 

"You know what Carol! Pick a fu-" 

"Okay! I'll take it from here!" Robin cut in, pushing Steve to the side. 

Carol scowled, standing back up. 

"I was talking to Steve." She narrowed her eyes and Steve's mind suddenly ached, as if he had just tried to read a full book. 

"Yeah, well I don't care." Robin replied unsweetly, "now- here you go." Robin smiled easily as she placed the unfinished Cherry Jubilee in front of the other girl. 

"Excuse me?" She hissed, Steve couldn't help but watched as Robin placed a hand on her hip looking bored. 

"You're excused." She intoned easily, Steve's jaw dropped, his lips starting to curl up. Despite the loud noises, the newly overbearing lights, and crushing static, Steve couldn't help but respect his coworker.

"Next!" She shouted out, pushing Steve over to her station. Steve couldn't help but watched mesmerized as Carol sputtered in place, huffing as a tired mother and three young children pushed her out of the way. 

She stopped off easily and Steve couldn't believe his eyes. 

Robin then turned to Steve with a scowl. 

"Go get cleaned up, and then come back, got it?" She raised an eyebrow. _Ah_, there was the Robin he knew. 

"Cleaned up?" 

"Yeah, you're bleeding." She offered then turned back to the mother, already back to work. Steve blinked and felt the warmth fall down from his nose. He easily ran to the back, grabbing the paper towels to deal. 

A nosebleed _again_...seemed he hadn't gotten rid of them. 

Steve quickly wiped the blood away, hissing at the burn in his nostrils, how he had to constantly rub his nose with the rough paper towels. 

Steve stepped back out, seeing the line slow down. 

"Thanks for taking care of Carol for me." Steve smiled softy. Robin's eyes flickered to him for a moment but she then moved on to finishing up an icecream cone. 

"I didn't do it for you, she was taking up the line." She huffed, Steve couldn't help but have his cheeks upturn, maybe Robin wasn't so bad after all. 

He then easily took the slot at the cashier, letting Robin stay away from customers. 

And it was surprisingly easier after that, tips were coming in and while Steve didn't get a paycheck he sure as hell did get tips. 

He found if he batted his eyelashes just right, mothers would _coo_ and drop a little more than their change into the jar. 

It was oddly thrilling as well as absolutely degrading. It was an interesting mix. 

And then everything just had to get _worse_. 

Honestly Steve should have seen it coming, for one, the universe was basically trying to say '_fuck you_!' recently, and two, Steve plus icecream meant one thing only.

Free sweets for the party. 

Of course Mike pushed Will forward with a conniving smirk, they knew- _they knew_ Steve couldn't say no to him when he begged. And beg he did. 

"Steve...I just...we- well I-" Will turned back to Mike who only begged him on, what a monster. "You see I want the Cher-" 

"The USS Butterscotch!" Lucas piped up. 

"Right, that. But you see I don't have any money." Will ended, biting his bottom lip as he looked at Steve apologetically. 

And how could Steve say no to that. And of course, they showed up right during a lunch rush. 

"Come on Steve, you have to give us the icecream! We're party members." Mike whined. 

"Oh so I'm a party member now?" Steve raised an eyebrow at the kid, leaning in closer. 

Mike blinked out in surprised, "you've always been a party member." He whispered softly. Steve scrunched his nose up, '_I'm only a party member when you need something.'_ on the tip of his tongue. 

'Yeah! And party members get privileges!" Mike sounded out, _welp, there went his resolve. _

"You don't even want me to be a party member!" Steve pointed out. Mike scowled at him, the line was getting long again. 

"Guys come on, I could get in trouble." Steve whined. He could hear Robin start coming closer, the line was starting to reach the entrance. 

"I don't know guys...maybe we should just go." Mike pointed out, his voice dipping sadly and _fuck_. 

"Okay you know what, fucking fine, one USS Butterscotch." Steve groaned, turning around to see Robin with a smirk on her lips and a question in her eyes. 

Steve ignored it, instead scooping up the icecream. Will's face brightening up as Lucas smirked and Mike looked properly pleased. 

"So you gonna pay for that icecream?" Robin slid in next to him. 

Steve groaned, "yeah, just don't mention it, _please_." She humphed in response, easily walking away. 

Steve sighed, finishing the icecream, handing it over. 

"This isn't happening again." Steve growled, shoving the icecream over. Mike simply narrowed his eyes in response, taking the bowl away. 

Steve rolled his eyes in response. Turning around to see Robin already judging him.

"So you're a mom then?" She asked, leaning back instead of taking on the next costumer. Steve just groaned in response. She huffed out a small laugh.

Steve then took on the next costumer. 

"Ahoy! What flavors can I get you in this ocean!" Steve winced as he butchered the phrase again. 

The girl in front of him winced right back, but smiled all the same, ordering. 

* * *

Their shift ended at five, and Georgia showed up fifteen minutes early, so Robin left immediately without a word. 

So of course Steve had to wait until what's-his-name showed up. 

Which happened to be thirty minutes after their shift was meant to start. 

Steve was quick to grab his four dollar tip and head out. **Finally**. 

The sun was setting and Steve's head still pulsed with an unseen beat from inside the Mall. 

Steve hated the place. 

He zipped up his jacket and climbed back into his car, happy to be gone. 

He drove as the sun set and the shadows grew, and it was as if everything started to weigh down on Steve. 

He could feel it in the air, an electricity starting to grow, like the beginning of a thunderstorm. Steve could feel it, something was happening, he could see the pieces being lined up, but he couldn't see the whole picture. 

His mother coming back for only a day, acting odd, the static around the Mall, his mother knowing Evan, the return of the nosebleeds, Sankin being a nothing town, and most of all- the age discrepancies between Hopper and Joyce's stories. 

The sun dipped further down. 

Steve could feel it in the air, a scratching in the back of his throat, something wasn't right...well nothing was right. But it was all coming into a crescendo, like a stick pressing against a plastic bag, it could only take so much before it finally ripped through. 

But the thing was...Steve couldn't tell what was the stick or what was the bag. 

He swallowed as the trees shadows cut across the road, a whisper of a hellish howl danced into his ears. 

Steve kept his eyes strained forward. 

He could see the community pool coming up and Steve couldn't help but look over, hoping to see Billy. 

And there he was...kicking his car's wheels angrily. Not unlike his sister back in the arcade. 

Steve turned towards the pool, something wasn't right.

He pulled into the parking lot to see Billy furiously kicking his wheels, his muscles strained and he was only in bright red lifeguard shorts and a loose white tank top. 

He was only in flip flops, that couldn't be comfortable to kick with. 

Steve parked the car seeing Billy whip around, his eyes ablaze. When had he grown a mustache?

_This was probably a bad idea…_

"What the fuck do you want Harrington!" He growled out, when Steve opened his door stepping out. 

He could see that Billy had two flat tires. _Oh_...the kicking made sense now. 

"You got flat tires." Steve humbly stated. 

"Yeah no shit!" He barked back, turning back to his car. Steve could see the tension in him, like electricity running up his arms. 

"Hey, I'll give you a ride, we can call Hopper, he'll tow it for you, get it fixed up." Steve offered, going to pleasant, but all that came out was exhaustion, guess that would do that to someone who worked an eight hour shift. 

"I don't need your handouts, princess." Billy bit back, and Steve knew he was treading on dangerous ground and yet...he couldn't bring himself to care. 

Because in that moment, that moment that Billy looked back with fire in his chest and fury in his lungs Steve could see himself. _**Bullshit**_. 

"It's not a handout, I owe you remember?" Steve smiled, knowing exactly what Billy needed. 

"Come on." Steve ushered and Billy finally moved, his eyes flickering back to his car for a moment and Steve couldn't help but smile, that car was his baby, through and through. 

"Fine, fuck, if it'll shut you up." He grounded, as he walked over, he looked...bigger than Steve had last seen him, bulkier. 

Clearly he had worked out. 

As he opened Steve's door open Steve let his eyes rove over him, trying to find any new bruising. 

There wasn't any. 

Steve ignored the odd swoop in his stomach when Billy slumped into the passenger seat. 

"Let's go, don't worry Hopper will take care of her." Steve reassured starting the car back up and Billy snorted, looking out the window, his arms crossed. 

* * *

"This isn't the way to your house Harrington." 

"No it's not, and I thought I told you I don't like to be called that." 

"Fine, princess, where the fuck are we going." Billy snarled, but Steve only smiled back. 

"Somewhere good, just trust me." Steve grinned over at the other boy, batting his eyelashes like he had all day to receive that little extra tip. Billy did a double take, a small '_the fuck_' falling from his lips. 

Steve went back to the road, heading towards the Junkyard. 

The thing about the Junkyard was that Steve hadn't been there since That Night. 

It still haunted him a bit, not as much as the Byer's house did, and not nearly as much as his pool did, but it still haunted him. 

He could remember his head exploding out into pain, the dogs jumping out of him, snarling, diving over a car, and swinging his bat like there was no tomorrow. 

And yet, in that moment when Steve pulled up to the junkyard with Billy in tow, he didn't feel an ounce of that fear.

"The fuck is this?"

"The junkyard, come on." Steve smiled, getting out of his car, Billy stayed inside, watching Steve incredibly. 

Steve smacked the hood of his car, "come on Hargrove!" He playfully called out, walking around his car to open the trunk, and there she was; his trusty bat. 

He swung it over his shoulders walking back towards Billy's side as he opened his door. 

"You gonna kill me?" He asked, and there was something there, the way he stood tall, the way he didn't even twitch, a warning sign, a caged animal. 

Steve shook his head. 

"Nah, that wouldn't be fun," he quirked up a cheek, handing the baseball bat over, "besides, you're the one whose going to be using the bat today." He watched as Billy's eyebrows furrowed, the small scar cutting through one of them becoming more prominent. 

He slowly, and cautiously took the handle, his course skin running along Steve's own fingers. 

His blue eyes never left Steve's own brown. 

Steve felt his breath stutter, and his smile drop for a sec, and then it was gone, Billy looking at the bat in his hands. 

"What do you want me to do with this?" He tilted his head, and that was a question Steve could answer. 

"Break something." He tilted his own head in response. 

"What?" 

"Come on man, do it, just one thing, break it" Steve repeated Billy's own words back at him, remembering what he had said that morning. Judging by the way Billy's own eyes widened at that, and the growing smirk he recalled it as well. 

"Damn pretty boy." He stuck his tongue out between his teeth. 

"Any suggestions on what should go first?" He worked his way over to an old beat up car, the same car Steve had slid over the hood of on That Night. 

"The windshield." Steve goaded, and Billy whistled into the setting sun.

  
  


He brought his bat back and swung it down shattering the glass, the bat caught in the center of the windshield, the glass spreading in it's shattering, like a web. 

Steve slowly sat up on his Beemer's hood mesmerized. 

Billy easily ripped the bat back out, bringing it back again and this time, the whole windshield caved in. Without prompting he went to the side mirrors, whacking them off easily. 

Steve could see his muscles strain, how Billy didn't swing like a baseball player, he didn't swing as a means to push an object further. 

No...he swung for power, shattering everything easily, his back arching when he raised the bat up, a long arc as he whipped it back down.

Steve couldn't help but watch as Billy destroyed the car, moving to the next vehicle with ease. Slamming the bat into the car door, the nails getting stuck into the metal, some being ripped out of the bat as Billy pulled it away to repeat his motions. 

He was panting as he beat the car in, the glass shattering and then Billy was chaotically slamming the bat in repeatedly, no longer looking for damage but just to hit something. 

Billy screamed out as he continued to beat the car in and the air was heating up. 

With a sickening _thwack_ the bat cracked in half, as Billy slammed it again into the car. 

Steve watched as he stared down at the broken bat in his hands, and Steve couldn't bring himself to care that Billy had broken it, broken his symbol of protection. 

His shoulders heaved with his heavy panting. 

He brought a hand up, and Steve couldn't see it but he was willing to bet those were tears he was wiping away. 

He then threw the bat to the rest of the carnage and slumped down. Like a puppet with his strings cut, Billy Hargrove fell onto the ground, leaning against the beat up car as if he belonged in that trash. 

Steve slid off the hood, his left sock slipping again. 

He walked over and Billy's eyes were shut, probably to hide the tears Steve was sure were settling there. 

He sat down next to Billy, sitting amongst the thrown away broken pieces, and listened to the night air as the last light started to disappear. 

He didn't speak a word, letting Billy compose himself first. 

"Why wont you leave Hawkins?" He finally whispered into the air. Steve didn't look his way.

  
  


"I can't" 

"Why? Because some rich assholes illegally own you!?" Came Billy's fury, and Steve finally turned towards him, the sun was almost gone, the sky was a dazzling color of pink, purple, to the darkest blue he had ever seen. 

The last light caught behind Hargrove's hair making it become aflame in gold, like a halo. 

"No…" Steve honestly answer, he let his eyes drop, trailing down Billy's cheek and then looked down at his own converses. "because I have no way of escaping. I lost my chance at a sports scholarship and where even would I go?" He shrugged helplessly. 

Billy sucked in a breath, the silence sat heavy. "because of the concussion." He stated. 

"Yup." Steve offered blandly. 

And it was as if the spell was broken, Billy stood up easily, his flip flops crunching on the ground and Steve hoped he hadn't stepped on glass. 

He tugged at his hair and Steve wished he wouldn't, it made the curls all kinds of frizzy on him. 

"Shit...shit! Fuck!" He roared out, pacing in place as Steve watched. "I- fuck, man, I'm-" he finally turned towards Steve. 

"Dont say you're sorry Hargrove," Steve butted in. He watched as Billy's eyes dropped onto the floor, his shoulders shaking. "...nothing can change what happened." 

"Besides…" Steve looked back up at the setting sky, the fading fast. "I think...maybe I'm not supposed to leave yet" he stated back honestly, feeling that ever present buzz underneath his skin. 

A storm was coming. 

"What's that mean?" Billy scowled as there was a soft tink. 

Steve turned his head to see that bird perched there on the broken bat. 

That damned hallucinational bird. 

"Huh..." Steve tiredly let out. 

"What?" Billy asked, looking over to where the bird was, his eyes catching on nothing, simply scanning the area Steve was so focused on. 

_It wasn't real..._

Steve whistled, an itching in the back of his mind, and suddenly there was warmth as his nose began bleeding. He didn't bother bringing a hand up to it, there wasn't a headache this time. Steve stared at those black beady eyes and the bird whistled back, repeating his exact same tone. 

"Whoa...that's freaky?" Billy spoke, Steve whipped to him, his eyes trained on something. 

"What?" Steve choked out. _No...no it couldn't be._ Billy a raised eyebrow, never turning towards Steve. 

"That bird." He pointed over to where the bird sat. 

"Y-you," Steve choked as his stomach swooped, twisting in place "you see- what?" 

"You okay there princess? You break your brain again" he winced at that comment as if it hurt him more than it did Steve. He then finally turned his blue eyes onto Steve, his eyes widening. "you're bleeding." He breathed out looking worried, steve ignored it. 

"Right there…" Steve pointed to where the bird sat tilting it head at Steve. "you see that bird." 

"Yeaaaahh...what about it." Billy dragged out, his eyebrows furrowing and Steve _couldn't believe it, someone else was seeing the bird! Someone else could see it! It wasn't fake!! _

Steve raised a hand up, blood still falling sluggishly down,"Come here." 

The bird did exactly that, landing easily on his outstretched hand and Steve laughed, his mind struggling to keep up with what was happening. 

"Whoa fuck." Billy bursted out, walking closer to look at the bird, "Didnt realize you were fucking snow white here, you train birds or something?" He asked looking back up into Steve's eyes. 

"Or something..." Steve breathed out into the summer air, the sun finally disappearing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it! 
> 
> We got Robin! Billy, AND wild things lol, we are finally, FINALLY getting to the crazy stuff in the story and I honestly can not wait! 
> 
> Also that slow romance is gonna be a romance soon, i told you I would get there! 
> 
> Please tell me what you think! Every comment makes my day and tells me if you guys want me to continue or like were it's going so far. 
> 
> It really brightens my day and makes me post faster so thank you!   
Thank you for reading!


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy....I have to say guys, i really hope this chapter isnt terrible, cuz I really feel like it might be my worst one yet. 
> 
> But we are getting so close to some crazy things so! Please be patient, I'm so sorry again for how long this took, its been....a mess.
> 
> So honestly I have to say I'm so sorry the tone of this chapter is a little all over the place. 
> 
> Today has been one of those very low self esteem times.   
I really hope I can make this story good enough.. 
> 
> But a lot of the kind comments really helped sway my concerns, thank you all so much, some of your comments really made my day worth it!

If Steve thought the upside down flipped his world, then having the bird be seen completely spun it back into place. 

It had made a lot of sense when it slid into place.  _ Well somewhat.  _

Steve knew he wasn't... _ crazy _ anymore, it was so much more than that now, it was a confirmation if anything. 

Which was  _ awesome!  _ At first, until Steve had realized that  _ oh… _ he now had a little pet bird and and one Billy Hargrove in a junkyard. 

"Sooo...you've just always been a bird whisperer?" Came Billy's voice and Steve couldn't help but snort. 

"It's kind of a new development." He smiled down at the beady eyes and there he saw it, a green little string snuggly tied around it's foot, like a leash. 

His dreams had been real,  _ all of it! _

"Come on." Steve stood up brushing his shorts off as the bird landed on his shoulder. 

He started walking back to his car, keys in hand. 

"Yea- sorry about your bat." Billy mumbled, there was something…. _ soft _ about the way Billy kicked his foot awkwardly, looking down. 

"I can make another one." Steve shrugged, and Billy finally lifted his blue eyes back up to Steve. 

But then something happened as he finally looked up, his eyes travelled over Steve. 

His face was completely frozen in a twist, Steve couldn't exactly tell what was happening but suddenly the bird was flying away. 

"What... _ in the name of  _ _ god _ _ are you wearing?"  _ Billy's eyes fell back down to Steve's legs and his eyebrows twisted in a way that made him look like he was in physical pain. 

Steve couldn't help the flush coming to his cheeks and neck.

"It's my uniform."

"For  _ what?!" _ Billy spat, finally looking back up to Steve's face. 

"For  _ work!"  _ Steve could feel his face flame up, he knew his flush had made it to his ears and back now. 

Billy did a double take, "oh, I didn't realize Hawkins had a strip joint." He nodded solemnly. 

"WHAT!? Ew no!" Steve shook his head, self consciously tugging his shorts down a touch further. 

"I work at an icecream parlor, and besides!" Steve thruster his arm out to gesture towards Billy, "look at what you're wearing!" 

Billy lazily looked down and then raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms, "I'm a lifeguard." 

Steve sucked in his lips in frustration, "yeah well...you're in the same boat there so." He threw his hands out to emphasize his point, a point he wasn't entirely sure he knew what it was. 

Billy snorted in response. "No, we are  _ not."  _ His lip curled on one side smirking, and  _ yup...back to good old Billy.  _

"I 'save lives, and keep the peace'," Billy started monotonely, clearly reciting something someone had stated over to him. "And you scoop icecream looking like a wet dream." 

"Wet dr- what! No." Steve shook his head, "gross man." Billy leaned back a touch. 

"Tell me I'm wrong."

"You're wrong!" Steve snapped, turning around towards his car, he could hear Billy's flip flops as he followed. 

"Uh huh, sure, and tell me Harrington, you get a lot of tips?" Steve threw a scowl over his shoulder which only made Billy laugh harder. Steve shook his head because he had something more important to focus on than Billy's jeering.

He had  _ confirmation _ now. He needed to get to his file  _ now. _

"Hurry up Hargrove!" He shouted out snapping his car open. 

"What's got you in such a rush?" Billy called out.

"I gotta check something, and you need to get your car towed." Steve pointed out sliding in the driver's seat. His eyes instantly caught on a shimmer in the air. A green tint slashing through his eyesight. He could see the green line drawing across the sky; between himself and the small bird that tilted its head at him.

He could hear Billy grumble something but he didn't take long to clamber into the seat next to him, it didn't stop his eyes though. Steve could practically feel them drag across his skin. 

"I mean seriously...did you ask for your shorts to be that small?" 

Steve bristled as he started the car back up, and here he thought Billy could be quiet after that outburst. 

"They just gave it to me Hargrove, I didn't pick it." He started backing up. 

"Who?" He asked softly, his humor instantly dropping. Something settled in the air; colder, tenser. Steve swallowed. 

"My manager, why?" He raised an eyebrow, not moving the car. Billy raised his scared eyebrow at Steve but there was something deeply intense in his eyes, something that sat like an anvil in Steve's stomach. 

"And who's that?"

"What's it matter?" Steve pushed back, he could feel a whisper across his hair as something was pushing him to ask, the electricity building underneath his skin. 

Billy sucked in his cheek in thought, as if he was chewing on something and Steve could hear it in the wind sounding suspiciously like a murmur inside his head,  _ he needed to push here.  _

"What's it matter Billy?" Steve pushed. Billy's blue eyes finally snapped back to his brown. 

"You hung out a lot with Mr. Scott right?" Steve felt like something was starting to sour.  _ 'Where did he touch you.'  _ Rang through his mind. 

Steve could feel the shame running through his cheeks all over again, as if he was right back in his mother's car. 

"Yeah. I did." Steve mumbled looking down at the steering wheel. It got silent.

"Did he...did he-" Steve stopped himself, was he going to actually  _ admit _ this? 

"I'm not his  _ taste _ ." Billy spat, Steve snapped up to look at Billy. 

"H-he does it to other students?" He whispered, Billy's eyes were strained on Steve in a way he had never looked at him before. 

"He likes to watch that's obvious," he bit his cheek and then pursed his lips, "he do something?" Steve blinked and for some reason that was a relief. 

Mr. Scott had only reached out to Steve, only Steve, no one else. He didn't know what the emotion was that pricked his skin, but it was a mix of relief, relief of knowing no one else was in that position, or that fact Steve was special even though he hadn't wanted it? He didn't know. 

"No." Steve shook his head, and Billy scowled opening his mouth, "I'm not lying!" He raised his hands and quickly interrupted. 

"He just….asked some things that's all." He shrugged at Billy's narrowed eyes. 

"So your boss, who is it?" He pursued. 

"Mr. Harpster is the owner?" Steve answered looking at Billy, but Billy shook his head.

"No. I'm talking like your manager." Steve pursed his lips.

"You don't think this is like...someone did this on purpose, this isn't...this is Hawkins Billy, people don't-" 

"Yeah well, I didn't think people could still have slaves and yet you're here!" Billy threw out.

"I'm not a slave!" Steve bit back. 

"You were bought!" Billy pushed right back getting in Steve's space. 

"I didn't tell you that to have you spit it back at me Hargrove!" Billy sank back into his car.

"That's sick people Harrington. Tell me who is your boss." He snapped his fingers as if Steve was trying his patience. 

"Mr. Tetiph." Steve answered. Billy finally looked back over at him, his eyebrows furrowed. 

"Tetiph?" Steve nodded. Billy tilted his head, "I don't recognize that name, he clearly hasn't come to the pool." Steve slowly looked down himself.

"I don't think he's from Hawkins, I didn't recognize him." Steve remembered back to when he first saw him, his manager was a weirder guy, more silent and hard eyes. But he seemed to have some form of enjoyment from watching his employees struggle. 

He remembered his mother talking to him when he first arriv- 

_ Wait.  _

Steve froze thinking back. 

_ 'his mother walked him to the shop as if he was being dropped off at kindergarten. She had smiled and flitted herself to the manager, and then with a swift smile and a promise to pick Steve up, she was gone.' _

Steve felt like he was getting sick.

"I need to go." He immediately floored back in his car and he ignored Billy's curse, ignoring Billy's strange comments of gross humans in Hawkins, ignoring the string that still tugged him back to the junkyard, and the bird that watched from afar. 

"Shit Harrington! What's your deal!?" Steve ignored everything flooring it as fast as he could to get back to his house, skidding on the asphalt as he turned. He ignored the honking that came around him, the electricity was building up inside his muscles and he could  _ hear it.  _

_ The  _ _ storm _ _ .  _

Steve turned another way and Billy grabbed the ceiling for an attempt to stabilize himself. Steve sped up turning down his street. 

"Harrington! You're gonna get us killed!" Billy snapped, but Steve could see his house in the distance, he pressed his foot further down. 

_ It couldn't be.  _

_ Steve could see it, the play being executed. He could  _ _ see _ _ it, the plan,  _ ** _everything._ **

They had set it up  _ perfectly! _

Steve slammed on his brakes, throwing his car into park, ignoring the screeching of iron and Billy cursing behind him as he crashed into his front door. 

He unlocked it as quickly as he could slamming the door open and running into his house, up the stairs. 

He burst into his room looking around,  _ where had he hid the file? _ He started throwing his clothes around from the floor, trying to remember back to that day. 

He had slid it in his dresser. 

Steve turned and lifted the shelf he had hid the folder underneath up. 

_ It…. _

  
  


_ It wasn't  _ ** _there. _ **

Steve slammed the drawer as high as he could,  _ nothing.  _

He stood up his heart thumping.  _ No…. _

He pulled the shelf out completely, tossing it to the ground.  _ It wasn't there.  _

Steve started to choke. 

He started pulling out all the shelves ignoring the scrape of it all. 

He slumped to the ground looking at his now shelfless dresser.

_ It was  _ _ gone. _

  
  


Steve blinked, raising his hand to his hair gripping it tight. 

_ 'Perhaps I'll call in Lehana," she rubbed her fingers together, looking at the dust crushed between, "do a thorough sweep of the house, hmm?" ' _

Oh no….

_ No, no, no, no, no, no.  _

Steve sucked in a shaky breath.

His mother had the file. He had  _ had  _ it. 

She had  _ left with it _ .  _ She had talked to the Manager.  _

_ He was being watched at work...he was a plant… _

Steve could feel the storm swirling underneath his skin and he could hear Billy walking up the steps.

"Whoa Harrington...you okay?" Billy's voice whispered into the air and Steve choked, where was his blue folder? Where...where had he put it!?

Steve couldn't recall. He couldn't remember!

"When we read that file did...did we put it back in my car? Please Billy please tell me we did." Steve looked over at Billy who stood in the doorway, begging him. Billy looked thoroughly disturbed. 

"I-no I don't think so." Billy responded back. 

_ No...that meant…. _

Steve staggered up, running out of his plaid wallpaper that felt more like a cage than anything else. He raced down the stairs and headed down the hall to The Study. 

He paused at the entrance, he hadn't been in there since... _ since…. _

_ Tight fingers in his hair dragging him down, the bitter taste of wine choking him, the cold ground.  _

Steve took a shuddering breath and walked over the threshold, his skin a light and his body shivering in fear.

He walked over to the folder cabinet and slowly slid it open, his heart stopping. 

It was empty. 

  
  


Steve then moved to the second drawer. 

It was also empty. 

He pulled out all the drawers, they were  _ all empty. _

His mother had taken  _ everything.  _

Steve collapsed down. The pieces had been moved on the chest board, the players had gotten in their position, the storm was brewing and Steve hadn't even  _ noticed. _

He could hear a creak and he knew Billy was behind him. 

Billy didn't say anything and neither did Steve as he stared at the empty Study. 

He blinked standing up. 

"Let's call Hopper." He stated out into the air, shouldering past the other boy to do so. 

* * *

Steve sat in the kitchen as Billy called Hopper to get his camaro towed. 

Things had changed...his mind was firing all over the place to try and keep up with everything his mom had potentially set up. 

His parents had Steve's files now, his old blue one, and the new red one that had info on his hometown. They knew he was looking into it now. And along with that his mother had taken  all the files with her. 

Steve didn't even know what was in those files. 

But clearly he was no longer trusted with them. 

Then there was the manager, his mother had talked to him, had set it up, that meant his parents had...they had  _ spies  _ in Hawkins…

She had known Evan's first name. Had...had he been a plant? Had he been put there to watch Steve? 

No...no that couldn't be it...could it? He had also been from out of town...just like Mr. Tetiph though.

Speaking of Mr. Tetiph ...she had probably been the one to tell them to give him a smaller uniform, probably his father's idea.

It was punishment after all. 

Steve chewed on his lip as he thought. He could hear Billy finish up the call. 

He didn't turn as the other boy walked into the kitchen.

"You done having your melt down?" Billy's words echoed in the kitchen.

Steve finally looked up at Billy in thought. 

"You got Hopper to tow your car?" Billy raised an eyebrow at the avoidance. 

"Yeah." He nodded sitting down at the chair. Steve nodded back, feeling an out of place ache in his jaw.

"So we gonna acknowledge your little temper tantrum princess?" Billy pushed. Steve blinked slowly and then met Billy's eyes. 

Steve looked Billy up and down, took him all in for a moment.  _ Billy was also from out of town.  _

Steve picked his lips as his stomach dropped and his heart thumped. 

"Yeah...it was nothing." Billy's eyes narrowed and he leaned in closer. 

"I thought I told you I don't like to be lied to." 

_ 'so I want you to know Steven, you can tell me anything okay?' _

_ No...it...it couldn't be.  _

Steve looked down at his clasped hands and took a shaky breath, feeling like he was waiting for his father to come down those steps and run his fingers through Steve's hair to tug him somewhere. 

He slowly opened his eyes, remembering his mother's words;  _ '"Was that man the one who said you had dyslexia?' _

She...she hadn't...she hadn't known about Billy had she? 

"You…." Steve whispered softly. Billy looked uncomfortable. 

_ Billy...there was no way Billy was a spy. _

"I need you to be completely honest with me Billy." Steve whispered, looking up at Billy through his eyelashes, the way he had begged when he had asked Billy to read the file. 

Billy did a double take, looking like he wanted to be anywhere else than here. 

"You've never met my parents before right?" Steve whispered softly. 

Billy looked at Steve hard, really looking at him.

"No." Steve closed his eyes and sagged in relief. He didn't know  _ why _ but he trusted Billy, trusted him to not be a plant into his life to report back, not like the others who seemly were watching Steve now. 

He was getting paranoid. 

Maybe it was because Billy had been trying to shove Steve out of his mold for ages, or the fact he had beaten Steve up, or the fact he had pushed Steve to rebel, or hell, maybe it was the fact he was so disturbed by the fact Steve had been purchased, but Steve believed him. 

"So you gonna explain some shit to me?" Billy huffed out. Steve nodded sitting back up. 

"Sorry I just...I just found out my parents know I've been searching for my hometown, and it's looking like they've been putting plants in to watch me." Steve answered. He watched Billy blink for a moment.

"What?" He blurted out. 

"Uh...yeah, it's a bit of a mess." Steve finally admitted scratching the back of his neck, Billy opened his mouth but all of that went out the window when there was that ever so familiar authoritative knock. 

Steve stood up to head over to the front door. 

"Hopper." He greeted as he opened the door. He could see Hopper nod back at him in reply, taking Steve in, as if assessing him. 

"Well Hargrove come on, I've got the tow truck outside, you're gonna go to the shop." Billy appeared behind Steve nodding. He shouldered past Steve and he looked pensive, as if he had a weight on his mind. 

He completely ignored Hopper already leaving without a goodbye, and well if that wasn't just Billy Hargrove. 

Hopper sighed turning to follow.

"Hopper!" Steve called him back. Hopper turned back with a raised eyebrow. 

"Yeah son?" 

"Umm, yeah, I just...I just have a question?" Steve rung his fingers together. 

_ 'Well...baby was generous, you were three when they finally came back to Hawkins' _

_ 'But you were six when they brought you home to Hawkins' _

"Yes?" Hopper prompted, Steve sucked in a breath and looked up at the man. 

"You said...you said I was three when I came back to Hawkins right?" Hopper quirked an eyebrow at him but slowly nodded, bringing a hand up to scratch at his mustache. 

"Yeah, I mean. You were pretty small, and didn't talk much." He nodded to himself. Steve looked down.

"Joyce had said I was six though?" He asked. He watched Hopper's eyebrows shoot up. 

"She said that? Huh…" he then scratched the back of his head in ponderment. 

"Well I'll be honest kid, I wasn't paying much attention back then...Sarah...well you know." He shrugged half heartedly and Steve blinked in disbelief. 

"Wait...so...you think you just...remembered wrong?" He questioned incredulously. Hopper raised an eyebrow.

"What's this about kid?" He asked instead. Steve couldn't believe it.

"Hop, just answer me, you positive I was three when I came to live here?" Steve pushed, feeling like his world was falling out of place. He watched as Hopper narrowed his eyes at him. 

"Son-"

"Please Chief." Steve breathed out. He watched as Hopper sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. 

"Okay fine...I could have been wrong, you were small, but...Sarah was sick so...well I guess you would have had to been older but you were so small." He shrugged and looked over at Steve. 

"So yeah, maybe you were six, but what's this about Steve?" He put his hands on his hips looking like the police officer he was. 

Steve picked his lips and shrugged looking down. 

"It's nothing." 

"It's not nothing kid, come on, talk to me." He pushed and Steve shook his head.

"Really Hop, it's nothing." Hopper stared him down and then there was a honk. He watched as the older man sighed. 

"Steve if you won't tell me, how can I help you?" He stated, staring Steve down, but Steve couldn't budge, couldn't move. What could he even say? Nothing made sense anymore and- 

_ 'You do not tell anyone! You hear me!' _

Steve gulped and shook his head, "it's really nothing Chief, just been having nightmares about-you know, that's all." Hopper sighed and looked tired himself.

"You know you  _ can _ reach out if you need to." Steve nodded, looking down. Hopper nodded, finally walking away. Steve bit his lip. 

He watched him leave following the tow truck with Billy inside. 

He slowly slumped down and headed back to his room. 

The shelves were still all over the place. And he slowly walked over to his bed falling down and collapsing onto his sheets. 

He'd have to make a new bat soon. 

He rolled over looking up at the ceiling seeing the plaid wallpaper on his walls and couldn't help but realize how much it felt like bars on his walls. 

So Hopper hadn't been of much help...he had arrived when he was six. 

He closed his eyes feeling exhaustion rest in his bones. 

It was as if he had read his blue file all over again, every step he took forward it was as if he was taking three steps back. 

Steve was about to slip away when he heard a soft clinking on his window. 

He cracked an eye open to see a small bird waiting for him. 

_ Well...one step forward. _

* * *

  
  
  


The thing about suddenly finding out you're not crazy is that….well in someway it doesn't make it easier. 

Just because Steve now knew the bird was real didn't mean he actually knew how he was doing what he was doing? 

And  _ what even  _ _ was _ _ he doing? _

  
  


In all honesty Steve didn't  _ actually _ know what he was doing with his new pet bird, it was a lot of headaches and a lot of the bird just mimicking. It did what he told and he knew if he thought he'd enough the string would vibrate. 

That being said he didn't understand anything about it. 

He knew he had gotten Keith with his... _ string magic?? _ But he had been angry then…

Was that all it was? Getting...angry?

Steve had tried to get mad, absolutely tried. 

He had screamed out at the birds sitting outside and had stomped his foot like a child,  _ hell,  _ he even tried Eleven's method of arm outstretched. 

_ Nothing. _

No new string, no new emotion, and only  _ minor _ nosebleeds. 

All of which was useless. 

He was getting nowhere…

_ Three steps back… _

* * *

  
  


That next day Steve was meant to close, meaning his shift started at six and he would close at around midnight,  _ lovely.  _

Just the thought of being alone after hours in that mall sounded…. _ mmm just pleasant.  _

  
  


The other thing about this new…. _ predicament,  _ was that apparently it left him with hangovers. 

Seeing as that morning everything was too bright, too loud, and too strong. All Steve could do was curl up into a ball and sleep until he needed to leave. 

Which he did. 

And of course the mall had echoed with static and whispers which just seemed to make everything so  _ so much worse.  _

Steve hated how the cold pricked on his skin and thanked whatever gods were out there that Mr. Tetiph wasn't in today. 

Of course he was working with Robin, because it really seemed like he couldn't work with anyone else. 

His head thumped, he felt light headed and his little bird friend had disappeared when he had reached the mall. 

He easily started getting back to work, and Robin did her usual; scowling and making passive aggressive comments to every costumer they had. 

Steve sighed, rubbing his temple and looking down to see Robin's shorts- they were much longer than his. 

"Hey Robin." He mindlessly asked. 

"What dingus?" 

"Would you ever consider switching shorts with me?" Robin froze for a moment, slowly placing the rag she was using to clean down. She then flipped her hair over her shoulder to stare Steve down. 

"What did you just say?" She hissed. Steve blinked. 

"Well I mean...you're smaller than me, and well...your shorts are longer than mine.." Steve drifted off as the further he talked the more her eyebrows furrowed.

"I...what?" She did a double take, "are you literally asking to swap shorts cuz yours are... _ too small?!"  _ She coughed out. She fully turned to Steve now and he felt like his cheeks were going back on fire. 

"Well yeah, I mean, seriously my shorts are  _ way _ too small and they wouldn't be too small on you!" Steve pointed out helpfully. Robin blinked, her cheeks suddenly puffing out as she spat out a laugh. 

"Holy shit you're serious?" She laughed happily, "you really mean it just like that!" She cackled. 

Steve was  _ lost.  _ His head hurt and honestly  _ nothing  _ about Robin made any sense to him. 

Maybe his world hadn't resided back up, maybe it had just done another three-sixty turn around, making him think he was okay but was actually right back to his usual schedule of Upside Down nonsense. 

"I- yeah! How else would I mean it?" Steve blanched, straightening up as she grabbed her stomach almost back bending. 

"Nothing, nothing, that's just so rich." She laughed and shook her head. Steve really couldn't get a read on her. Steve shook his head at her, maybe Robin was crazy. 

"Yeah," she finally started to sober up,"no, I'm not gonna switch shorts with you." She smirked, going back to her cleaning. Steve deflated,  _ it was a long shot. _

"Why not?" He whined. 

"For the record, they're too short, even for me, so no." She stated, Steve bit the inside of his cheek. 

He stared at the back of Robin's hair, it was a golden brown, it almost reminded him of his B-

Wait…. _ wait… _

Steve sucked in a breath eyeing Robin down, he had made Keith do something! Couldn't...well theoretically, couldn't he make Robin do something too? 

And it wasn't anything bad! Just….to swap their back up uniforms, that was all. 

Really, it was harmless, and Steve would cut the cord before Robin even knew it- besides it wasn't like he even had a guarantee he could use the whole... _ magic cords _ to make her swap uniforms. 

He took in a deep breath and tried to clear his mind,  _ it wasn't bad, it really wasn't.  _

It didn't help having himself repeat it. But well...in memory of Dustin, wasn't it worth it for the experiment?  _ Which honestly was the dumbest thing because they both knew what happened to Dart but….he needed something here.  _

Steve tried to picture a green string rising up, a green string slowly unravelling around his chest and floating through the wind. He imagined it blowing away and landing on Robin's shoulder, he imagined it tying around her shoulder just like it had to that bird's foot. 

He slowly reopened his eyes to see Robin still cleaning. 

"So you'll switch with me?" He prompted, he watched as Robin shook her head. 

"Hell no, dingus, the longer my pants are the better." She stated back. 

_ Shit,  _ Steve sucked at this. He threw his head back with a groan, heading back to the back room. 

He looked at Robin through the window, he tried to get mad, furrowing his eyebrows tight and squeezing his eyes until he saw the flashing of lights across the darkness. 

He whispered out loud, "switch uniforms with me." 

He then cracked an eye open, nothing, and there was no nosebleed, it was pointless. He groaned, throwing his arms out. 

One last try, and that was it, he was calling it quits. 

Steve took another steadying breath, closing his eyes again. He let himself stand there for a moment in the humm and buzzing of the freezer behind him. 

He tried to think, think about the past times he had been able to do something, how had he done it. 

Suddenly Steve could see it; Eleven with her arm raised and blood falling down her lip. 

And...and he could taste that ever so familiar iron twinge in the back of his throat, he felt something starting to run down his nose. 

Steve raised his hand holding it out and opening his eyes to look at Robin- 

_ SMACK! _

Steve jumped back as a plastic cover flung itself towards the door and clattered to the floor.

Blood started to slide down his face. 

"What was that!?" Robin asked whipping around and Steve rushed over to pick the cover up, his breath coming out in pants, it was as if he had run his first mile all over again. 

"Nothing! Just dropped something!" Steve called out and he saw Robin shake her head going back to her work. 

Steve froze looking down at the plastic cover in his hands, he slowly turned to where the rest of the covers were stacked. 

Steve rubbed the blood away with the back of his hand. 

He looked at a spoon on the table, he licked his lips ignoring the tang he tasted. He took a shuddering breath and slowly raised his hand. 

He stared intensely at the spoon,  _ nothing _ . 

"Move." Steve hissed. But still nothing, he dropped his hand feeling like an idiot. 

He sighed trying to remember, how he had done it before, he took another breath. 

His hand raised and he remembered seeing Eleven, how she walked into the room with her hair slicked back and her hand outstretched. Steve opened his eyes just like she had  _ that  _ night. He stared down at the spoon, he just wanted it to  _ mo- _

The spoon smacked across the room and Steve jumped back. 

_ Oh...oh shit. _

It...it was like...like when he watched people play sports, like when he watched someone move and he just….knew now, like it just clicked into place. 

Steve's cheeks slowly started to rise, more blood fell down his face, dripping down his chin. 

He raised his hand again, tilting his head just like she had done, and he flicked his hand up, watching as his backpack flung itself away. 

The bubble of laughter escaping his lips was completely involuntary. 

It was as if he was right back sitting by the Nanny as she played on the grand piano, watching her fingers dance across the keys and suddenly remembering it. Sitting down after she left and hesitantly stretching his fingers out and remembering what she had done, and watching as his fingers danced across the notes in a perfect mimic. 

His mother stepping in with her clicks, watching him earnestly and smiling. 

Steve stood up because _holy_ _shit, he could move things! Just...just like El had! _

He raised his hand again slowly copying what Eleven had done, he just wanted to make the spoon  _ levitate this time, just  _ _ levi- _

The spoon flung itself across the room again. 

Steve slowly felt his blood run cold. 

_ Right. _

He remembered finishing that song, perfectly, only the one error, the same error the Nanny had made when she had played the song. His mother walking forward brushing his hair back and asking him to play something else, anything else. 

And he... _ couldn't.  _

He... _ he hadn't known how. No...no one had shown him how.  _

Steve swallowed and grabbed a wet rag to clean his face. 

Steve couldn't make something levitate because he  _ hadn't _ seen Eleven make something levitate. 

Steve picked his lips thinking on that for a moment. 

He blinked slowly trying to place it together,  _ so...so it was...it was a type of copying?  _

_ Was that what Steve could do? _

If that was true then...who  _ had _ he seen that had the strings? 

"Hey dingus! You're children are back!" Came a harsh cry. 

Steve poked his head out the window too see the Party there. He saw Mike give him a raised eyebrow and Steve self consciously rubbed at his cheek where the blood had slipped. 

"What." Steve spat, moving away from the window, this was ridiculous, he  _ didn't have time for this! _

He just barely figured some things out! 

"Steve, my man. My buddy," Lucas started leaning on the counter as Steve walked up beside Robin whose eyes gleamed suspiciously. 

"What do you want?" Steve interrupted looking them down. At least Will and Max looked a bit bad about this. 

"I'm not giving you free ice-" 

"Not everything is about Icecream Steve." Mike leaned in snarling and Steve had to roll his eyes. 

"Then go on. What's this about?" Steve raised an eyebrow, his head slightly thumping. It was as if he had been through a basketball match with Billy, what with the way he could barely catch his breath and felt like he had been punched in the gut twice. 

"Recently it's come to the Party's attention that you have a back entrance." Lucas piped up, Steve crossed his arms.

"And?"

"Well…" Lucas looked over at his friends.

"Well it connects to the movie theater." Mike states boredly.  _ What? _

"What? And how do you know that?" Steve stuttered out, bewildered by the events so far.

Of course Mike rolled his eyes at them and Will bit his cheek at the growing irritation. 

"What does it matter! Just let us use your back entrance!" Mike persisted. 

Steve couldn't see it exactly, but he could feel Robin's eyes watching Steve waiting for what he would do. 

Steve glared at Mike but then his eyes traveled a little more to the left landing on Will and his wide eyes. 

He could remember Will whispering how he had been scared to go out, how he had been in recovery, how he cried silently to himself. 

Shouldn't...shouldn't he be allowed to have memories of breaking the rules with his friends? Steve had some and they were-  _ well... _ they weren't so great anymore...but back then it was  _ everything  _ to Steve. 

  
  


He sighed as he undressed his arms, he really didn't have time for this, his mind felt like it was going a mile a minute, everything flowing and stopping on him. 

He needed a break. 

"Fine, fuck- just go." Steve flipped the counter open letting the kids through, he ignored the snort from Robin. 

He watched as the gleamed and kept going through the back. 

"But!" Steve called after them, "if anyone finds out about this, you're dead, you hear me, all of you!" He pointed threatenly, at least Lucas had the heart to look sheepish, and Will was downright nodding. 

"Besides Will, cuz I like him, but the rest of you!" Steve tacked on to see the smile bloom on Will's face, he then pointed at each of them but with a roll of Mike's eyes they were already moving through. 

Steve just groaned as his head thumped unrelentlessly. 

He needed a  _ fucking break.  _

It was as if Steve was getting smacked left and right with information and he wasn't being given the time to process that said information. 

He was getting overwhelmed, he wanted to sleep. 

"I can't believe you let them just do that." She huffed watching the children leave. Steve ran his fingers through his hair forgetting he had the sailor hat on. The hat falling to the floor with a soft-  _ shit _ from Steve.

Robin snorted in response as Steve floundered to pick his hat back up. 

He was so done with this shit. 

Steve picked up his hat and flung it at the back room, not bothering to put it back on his head. There was  _ no _ way he was going to put that on his hair after it had touched the ground. 

"Look Robin, I don't have control over those kids." He stated honestly, raising his hands to emphasize the point. 

"This isn't, I adopted them, this is they kidnapped me." He looked at Robin earnestly but she only raised an eyebrow, she looked as if she was forcing herself not to laugh. 

Steve just shook his head, "it's better to just give in before they do incredibly dumb shit." 

"Like kidnap an adult." Robin teased back. 

"Exactly like kidnapping an adult." Steve pointed his finger at her, "you don't think they have? They  _ have! It was me Robin. _ " She merely puffed out a laugh and rolled her eyes. 

Before Steve could even say anything else she was already walking away. They still had half of their shift left. 

* * *

Truth was Steve had made a terrible mistake, an actual gawdawful one. 

He should have known that using his... _ abilities?  _ Would give him a headache, Hell, he had woken up with a hangover.

But  _ noooo,  _ Steve just  _ had  _ to go and mess around- sure it led to some new discoveries but ultimately it no longer felt worth it. 

Especially with the fact Steve had to stand at the counter with a plastered smile and neon lights twinkling above with a slightly too loud music and a constant buzzing as if a bee was stuck in his brain. 

All in all, Steve was not having a good time. Especially when a couple guys Steve had known from the basketball team had seen him and snickered nonstop. 

Generally it was terrible, especially now that he had a confirmation his parents had been the one to humiliate him. 

What was even more embarrassing was Steve wasn't getting a single tip over a dollar when Robin had scored five bucks,  _ twice!  _

"I'm just saying, it seems suspicious!" Steve whined out, already scooping up another cone. 

"I'm sorry, your mad I'm making us money?" Robin had a way with her voice, it just knew how to dig into Steve's mind. 

"Look, all I'm saying is, I think it's odd I'm not getting more tips." Steve smiled at the costumer as he handed over the cone, the sigh when no tip was placed was unavoidable. 

"It's cuz you're just not good at this, dingus." She huffed, bored as she started counting the till. Steve did a double take. 

"Excuse me, I did the training, and I perfected the 'scooping technique'" Steve threw up air quotes.

All he received was an eye roll. 

"You have to be pretty," Robin raised a finger as if she was lecturing something.

"I am pretty." Steve mumbled, Robin waved her hand dismissing it. 

", and you have to act like you give a shit." She smirked. Steve rolled his eyes. 

"You don't do that with me." He pointed out, she turned with a flourish a smile plastered on her face. 

"Yeah but you're not tipping me, are you?" Steve huffed. Mumbling to himself, the thing was he  _ was _ pretty. 

That was his sole redeeming quality! He had been told multiple times how he was pretty, even his own parents talked out about ' _ at least you have your looks' _ . Hell, Billy couldn't ignore it either, he called him pretty boy all the time!  _ Sure... _ some of it was probably to make fun of him, but  _ it still counted!  _

And yes maybe he wasn't in top form, what with the white pallor, sunken eyes, and constant wince from a headache but still! 

Steve just sighed to himself feeling despondent, he couldn't even joke it was his hair, seeing as he wasn't wearing his hat...maybe if he spent more time on it. 

Steve couldn't help the blow to his self worth, looks were his everything...if he didn't have that...then-

Well maybe it didn't have to be his everything anymore, not...not that he could finally do things.

* * *

If anyone asked- not that they would- but if anyone had asked what the mall was like after hours Steve would be happy to explain  _ down right creepy.  _

The mall itself creaked and with the lack of music playing through the halls the static whispers Steve was always cautiously sure he was hallucinating was so much more prominent. 

It was as if it echoed in the air, reverberating against the walls to get louder. It was very cold and it was in someway more creepy than the tunnels. 

Steve shivered as he tugged his jacket closer to him. 

They were walking out of the dark building when Steve realized Robin didn't have a car. 

"Wait…..how are you getting home?" Robin raised an eyebrow. 

"Walk?" She huffed bored. And  _ no, no way!  _ How could her parents let her do that! Bard had only just vanished a year ago! And her parents just let her walk in the dark!? 

Didn't they care at all? 

"Isn't there like a bus?" Steve questioned, Robin looked at him as if she was being presented a particularly bad math problem. And trust him, he knew that face. 

"Sure Steve, there's a bus, at midnight, in Hawkins." She really was too talented at sarcasm. 

"Okay fine, but like...you can't walk!" Steve rushed out, trying to gather to understand. For Gods sake! The forest was right to their left, the entrance to the tunnels wasn't even ths6t far away, how did no one realize! 

"Why not?" 

"It's dangerous!" Steve sputtered out. 

Robin cackled, throwing her head back as if she didn't have a care in the world. It was almost maddening. 

"This is Hawkins! What could happen?" She laughed and Steve couldn't help the soft twinge at hearing his own words hit him, those same words he had uttered to Billy. 

_ This was Hawkins...and bad things happened here…. _

"A lot Robin, let me drove you home." Steve nodded, at least he could make sure she got home safe.

"What!? Hell no!" 

"Come on, please!"

"I am not! Getting in a car with you dingus." Steve sighed seeing how stubborn the girl was, he could practically see how immovable she was in her conviction. It would be admirable if it wasn't so fucking annoying. 

"Look, Barb went missing last year and I don't feel comfortable knowing I let someone walk out this late at night." Steve pleaded, he even batted his eyelashes like he always did, begging Robin to understand. 

"Why you mentioning Barb?" Robin scowled looking personally offended. 

"Cuz I knew her, and I was one of the last people to see her alive, and that haunts me." He finally admitted out loud. He didn't notice Robin's half step back. "And I could never forgive myself if I let another good person di-" Steve caught himself before he could say die, "disappear without trying to do something about it." 

She looked him over and then sighed, "fine dingus, I'll let you drive me home." She rolled her eyes bumping into his shoulder as she passed him. "But if you try anything!" She pointed at threatenly and Steve put his hands up to placate her. 

She turned towards Steve's BMW and Steve couldn't help the exhale of relief at knowing that. 

They climbed into his car and instantly the silence permeated everything. 

Steve started the car. 

"You know I knew Barb." 

Steve froze, his hand falling away from the wheel. 

"You did?" He slowly turned to Robin who wasn't looking at him. 

"Yeah, she was in band with me." She stated easily. Steve licked his lips and looked down the road before him. 

"You know you're not exactly what I thought you were," Robin's voice broke through the silence. 

"Yeah that's fair, I'm kinda a dick." Steve offered awkwardly, trying to make lighter of the situation. It fell flat.

"You said it…" she snorted, still looking outside. "but really, you're kind of weird." She stated easily, finally turning to look over at Steve. 

"Thanks." He whispered awkwardly, finally getting the car into drive to start driving off. 

"Your welcome." Came her soft voice. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that's it, honestly, i hope it didnt drag on, becuase boy did I not really know how to end this chapter. It really could have kept going which is good news since the next chapter should not hopefully take as long.
> 
> I know the tone was a little all over the place and the chapter may have been a touch too long...but I really am trying to make sure Steve and Robin have a realistic build up in relationship. 
> 
> But we are finally about to get to the main part! I genuinely cant wait. 
> 
> But please tell me what you think! And thank you for reading!


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here it is! Hello!! Thank you all so much for the support! It was been so amazing! It really meant so much to me to see all the kind comments.   
It sure has been a hectic couple days hasn't it?   
Seems fitting for me to write this chapter now. 
> 
> Thank you all again for commenting, you're the reason I've continued to write this story!

For the record, it wasn't actually Robin's fault Steve was doing this. In fact no one pushed him to do it. He just happened to be walking by and there had been a sign saying first time discount. 

And besides he had just liked the way Billy's hair had shined in the sunlight, that was all, just some admiration. 

It had nothing to do with Robin's comment of being pretty,  _ nothing at all.  _

And it wasn't like he was going overboard, it was only highlights, that was all! He wasn't bleaching his whole head. 

Well...he may have regretted it a bit, the lighting of his darker locks felt weird when he was turned around to get a good look, and it wasn't sprayed up in its usual style. So yeah...maybe he had regretted it for a moment before the hair stylist had smiled so bright and brushed his waves in a way that just made them look….heavenly? 

And she had said they looked gorgeous. 

Of course it had been embarrassing at first, for one it wasn't a barber shop at all, in fact it was a hair salon, but Steve hadn't really thought it through, just...he had just liked that golden hair look Billy had, which Robin had it too! 

Steve was just doing it for the extra tips, that was all. 

The compliments were an added bonus. 

Which were actually quite frequent if Steve could admit...it was…. _ nice… _

He could close his eyes and pretend nothing was real for a moment, that his house wasn't a cage that locked him up, that his ex-girlfriend wasn't probably ignoring him, and his ex-best friend had been suffering for a long time under the radar. Pretend that he wasn't some secret experiment bought by his parents and that he was just a normal teenage boy who liked the compliments when someone called him pretty. 

And it was  _ nice,  _ and sure maybe he felt guilty for a bit, the words ' _ bullshit'  _ mumbling around in his head, but then someone would do a small double take or another would smile just a touch brighter and Steve could ignore it. 

Of course it couldn't stay that way...it never could. 

It started with the Mall, as it always did nowadays. The static was particularly violent when Steve stepped over the threshold, a loud buzzing murmuring in the back of his head with a vengeance and then Steve was fighting off a nosebleed and a ruined uniform top.

Because  _ of course _ Steve had to bleed on the only  _ white _ part of his uniform. 

And then the hair didn't feel like such a good idea anymore, because while the smiles had been nice and freely given outside of the Mall. 

In the mall was a different story. 

Maybe it was the static, maybe it was the fact Steve had a giant bloodstain on his shirt but he was easily being given strange looks that made his skin crawl. 

It wasn't until he arrived to his shift with Robin ( _ again! Since she was the only one Mr. Tetiph would schedule him with)  _ that he realized maybe his hair had been an awful idea. 

  
  


"Whoa…" Robin had breathed upon eye contact, he hoped it was about the blood stain, and that was it.

And of course it was, but then again, Robin never was the type to let Steve off scott free. 

"Soo….highlights?" She asked softly, looking at Steve with a raised eyebrow and a smirk after she had thoroughly wiped down his uniform with a wet rag. 

Steve shrugged feeling a touch brittle about it. 

"Felt like getting a change." He mumbled back. He could feel her eyes watching him pointedly, staring him down, almost carefully. 

"I see…" she mumbled to herself quietly but Steve didn't dare turn to her, he didn't want to hear how it was dumb or how it didn't look good, he...he liked how it looked, he just...he had been feeling a touch self conscious ever since he had stepped into the mall. 

"Well it looks good on you." She finally stated and Steve couldn't help the whip around and wide stare. 

"You mean that?" He blurted out without thinking, already feeling the embarrassment sinking into his skin. 

"Yeah Popeye, I do." She snorted, then turned away and Steve felt his cheeks pull into a smile. It was strange...Steve...sorta wanted Robin's approval. She seemed so much cooler the more they worked together. 

She was badass and mean and most of all she didn't give a shit. She kind of reminded Steve of Nancy sometimes, now she was all fire and passion.

It wasn't the same as Nancy's of course but it was similar. Robin would  _ not  _ be shut down or quieted, and if she had an opinion she said it. 

Costumer always right be damned, Robin didn't care, and it sorta made her the coolest. Sure Steve didn't care about menial things as much anymore, like school or about what some of his past classmates thought, but as time went on, as the Upside Down got farther away it was like Steve was getting sucked back in. 

Steve wished he didn't care how people saw him, he wished he didn't beam anytime someone gave him a simple compliment over his looks. 

But he just couldn't….he just...he sort of lived for the attention at times, probably the only reason he had pushed so hard to be 'King'. 

But Robin didn't give a shit, and it was admirable, especially since she didn't need an alternate dimension to twist her like that. 

She just was. 

"So you just gonna stand there? Or are you going to work?" Came Robin's voice and Steve ducked his head with a smile, already going back to his job.

He smiled big and he performed the line perfectly, and the tips were more than usual. Steve couldn't help but smirk at Robin for that, even if she did give a raised eyebrow in confusion. 

It didn't matter, for the first time in a while Steve felt like...like just a normal kid. 

Which meant he had to deal with his normal teenage bullshit….because there was Tommy. 

He sat there across the store sitting in one of the lounging spots for the food court. He had an Indiana State sweater on and Carol around his arm. 

It was strange how Steve's stomach seemed to twist at seeing Tommy. It always had but now it was for a different reason.  _ Guilt.  _

Steve stood there watching Tommy eat French fries with his girlfriend and a couple other of the basketball kids from his grade. Something about it made Steve want to hide. 

He sucked in a breath. He was...he didn't..he didn't want to hide anymore...pretending...it had never done him any good had it? 

His skin felt cold at the realization. 

_ 'You're bullshit' _ yeah Nance...he knew that already.

But...that all he knew, all he ever knew. His parents whispering threats of secrets, a false last name, and even false smile. Steve didn't really know how to not Pretend anymore. 

He had hated it when his parents had pretended that everything was normal, that they weren't gone all the time, that the Nanny's that came and went and even disappeared was just something that happened. 

And here he had done it right back to his old friend. And then he was doing it right back all over again, slipping right back into pretending, pretending he wasn't the same as every other expensive purchase stored in his house. 

Steve liked to pretend, it made him feel safe, it made him feel normal, but nothing was normal and he needed to accept that. 

Things weren't normal in Hawkins, not anymore…

Steve blinked back into existence to see Tommy leaving. Steve's guilt twisted him into moving. 

"Wait!" He hopped over the counter sliding over and headed out the door ignoring Robin's  _ 'what the hell!?' _

"Tommy!" He called out, whipping around as he reached the entrance. 

"Stevie?" Tommy looked absolutely bewildered as he stared Steve down, his eyes trailing down.  _ Right...the uniform.  _ Steve bit his lip and tried to ignore the embarrassment. 

He...he had to do this. 

"Hey man...I know...look…" he stuttered and Tommy's eyebrows furrowed even further. Carol scowled by his side. 

"Let's go Tommy, leave this retard." She spat out and Steve couldn't stop the flinch at the word. He pursed his lips and fought the ever growing urge to send Carol flying with his newfound abilities. He sucked in a breath to steady himself. 

"Look, can I just talk to Tommy alone?" He asked, trying to be polite.

Carol snarled at Steve as if he had just offended her fashion sense. 

"If you can say it to Tommy you can say it to me!" She stepped forward all for and rage and Steve got a flash of other blue eyes that burned with hatred. 

"Carol!" Tommy interjected, grabbing her arm, "Stop, just-"  _ shit, did Tommy always look this tired?  _ "yeah, man, sure, let's go." He nodded, walking away, Carol looked miffed but sat down at a lounge further away. Steve couldn't help but be relieved. 

He turned to Tommy and really looked him over. The thing was Steve could see it, the same pretending sitting in Tommy's bones. Tommy knew how to smile when he didn't want to. Maybe...maybe him and Steve were more alike then Steve had originally thought. 

"Hey...i…" he started, pausing. What even could he say? How could he explain all the conflicting emotions inside him? 

How could he explain to Tommy that he had been so wrapped up in his own shit he hadn't even notice Tommy faltering? How could he tell him that he wanted nothing more than to pretend nothing happened while despising it the whole time. 

How could he explain everything to him? 

"What do you want Steve." Tommy sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose in exhaustion. Steve bit his lip. 

"I want to apologize," he started, a good start honestly...Steve hated what had happened to him, it wasn't fair to make Tommy deal with it too. "for everything...I clearly never looked out for you." He offered, scratching the back of his neck. 

"Looked out for me?" Tommy questioned, his voice dipping into disbelief. 

Steve couldn't look him in the eye. "Yeah...we were good friends and...well…" Steve sighed, bringing a hand to his hip and another hand to his forehead he remembered the Upside Down. "shit happened and I'm sorry things didn't...pan out." He finally looked up. 

Tommy looked so utterly... _ human _ . 

"Why are you saying this?" His eyes were glistening. 

"Because you were right!" He thrust his hands out, trying to get Tommy to understand. "I don't know everything about you, and I was pretending I was, and it was frustrating." He landed on. 

"What?" 

Steve scrubbed his forehead in thought, he never was good at getting his thoughts in order. "You know like...when you hate when someone does something and then you turn around it do it to someone else...that's what I did and it wasn't fair…" he drifted off. 

"Wait...what...are you saying?" Tommy took a step closer but Steve didn't step back. 

"Just…" he took in another steadying breath, was the static getting louder? "it sucked no one was reaching out to me, I hated no one noticed," Steve bit his lip, "but here I was doing that right back to you, it wasn't fair, and I see that now." He finally met Tommy's eyes and Tommy took another step forehead, Steve almost forgot what he looked like. He forgot how many freckles Tommy used to have. 

"Noticed what? What didn't I n-" 

"But that being said," Steve interrupted, he couldn't tell, there was no way to. And besides...at the end, Tommy hadn't been completely fair. "you have to realize Tommy you were a real ass...like...I know I'm dumb okay, I know that but I dont need you throwing it in my face or trying to save face, by being around me." Steve pushed, finally taking a step awake from Tommy, who honestly looked more lost as the moment went on. 

"I-" he stammered, but Steve persisted. 

"And I get it! Becuase of the whole-"

"I swear Harrington if you say anything-" Tommy growled stomping ever so much closer, a hand poised to grab Steve's shirt. 

"And I wont!" Steve blurted out, "That's your secret to tell, not mine." He took another step away from Tommy, really taking in the other boy, had he really always been so short? "...just...I'm sorry I didn't notice sooner." 

Tommy seemed to be going through the same range of emotions seeing as he looked Steve over as if he was seeing him for the first time. 

"Youre...what happened? What-" there was a shrill ringing in the back of Steve's head and he whipped around to see Robin screeching at a costumer.  _ Shit...right, work.  _

"Oh! I really can't stay, kind of left my coworker hanging-" Steve thrusted a thumb back at the Scoops. 

Nodding at Tommy, Steve finally turned to leave. 

"I like what you did with your hair." Steve glanced back to see Tommy standing there in his university jacket. He looked lost but...in a way, less tired, he seemed to be chewing over his words. "...it's...it fits the new you." He landed on. 

Steve beamed at him, just like he had done back when they were friends, back before Carol, back when they were just two little kids with the whole woods to discover. 

He quickly ran back to Scoops Ahoy. He smiled when he caught Robin there frazzled and pissed, her hair frizzy. 

He was quick to jump over the counter again ignoring the indignite squawk from his coworker. 

He smiled, flipping the scooper to get back to work. He felt light, as if a weight had been lifted away, as if he wasn't shackled so much anymore. He finally had a pathway to walk and he wasn't going to let the opportunity pass. 

Not when he knew something was coming. 

"What the hell was that?!" Robin snapped next to him, bringing him back. 

"Just had to handle something." 

"With Tommy Hagan?" She spat. 

"Yeah." Steve offered. She seemed to ponder then come to grips with something distasteful.

"You had to get someone's phone number didn't you?" She squinted at him, "back to your old habits?" Her voice lilted. 

Steve did a double take at that, clearly Robin wasn't as amused as Steve was. 

"No! I don't do that anymore!" Steve bristled. She raised an eyebrow clearly annoyed. 

"Cuz you can't?" She pushed back, Steve gaped at her poking. 

"No! For the record! I could get anyone's number if I wanted." Steve huffed. He watched Robin purse her lips. 

"Oh yeah, dingus?" She leaned in, fire in her eyes and Steve leaned right back in as well, meeting her stare straight on. 

"Yeah." 

Robin's face cracked as she finally leaned back crossing her arms. 

"Okay, sure." She shook her head in disbelief. 

"What!? You don't think I could?" He asked, feeling light, he felt like...like he had a friend again. 

"No, I don't." She smirked back at Steve, flipping her hair over her shoulder.

"I so could!" She pressed her lips thin in consideration then laughed. 

"Okay Popeye, do it." She gestured out to some customers. She turned around and placed the S.S. Butterscotch in front of him with three spoons. 

"Do what?" Steve blanked staring down at the icecream before him.

"Get those girl's numbers." She pointed over at three girls sitting down talking animatedly.

"What?" He blurted. Robin patted his shoulder and pushed the icecream bowl into his hands. 

"You owe me for leaving me with Erica and her minions," Steve blinked,  _ had he? Shit...Robin hated Erica and her gang, always asking for triple the normal amount of free samples. _ Steve turned his head to the left, spotting the little girls, well  _ fuck. No wonder Robin wasn't happy.  _ "So go and amuse me." She shoved Steve to the opening of the counter to deliver the icecream. 

  
  


Steve looked back at Robin and she hurried him along with a hand motion. Steve sighed, he probably deserved the embarrassment after leaving Robin to those kids...they were worse than the Party, and that was  _ saying  _ something. 

Steve placed the bowl down at the girls and he watched as the looked up and smiled politely. None of them looked remotely interested in Steve, and honestly Steve hadn't... _ reaally flirted with anyone since Nance...and well… _

"Hi." Steve blurted out,  _ wow..real smooth.  _ He watched as on of the girls with brown curly hair stared up at him like he was a cockroach to crush under her shoe. He gulped in his place. 

"I just wanted to say...you're very…" 

"No." The girl interrupted,  _ right...okay… _

She scrunched up her face and Steve felt uncomfortable, he could hear Robin giggling behind him. 

"Right, sorry." Steve stiffly turned around to see Robin with the biggest grin on her face. Steve sighed, at least he managed to make her feel better. 

He walked behind the booth. 

"Soooo…." Robin poked with a smile that read she was inches away from laughter, and Steve huffed. 

"Just wasn't feeling it." He shrugged trying to at least save some face. 

"Cuz you can't get numbers." She smirked and Steve bit his lip. 

"I could too!" 

"Uh huh." Robin replied easily, going back to work. And that just didn't feel right, he wanted Robin to like him, to see he wasn't...he  _ wasn't a loser. _

"Its this uniform!" He pushed out, gesturing down at himself. She snorted and turned to look at him. 

"It is pretty horrendous." 

"Exactly! But I could If I wanted! If I really tried!" Steve persisted. Steve could see her raised eyebrow and could practically see her brain moving like clockwork. 

"Okay." She nodded, grabbing the whiteboard that help all the orders on it, wiping it clear. 

She then wrote 'you rule' and 'you suck' on it. 

"What's that?" She looked over, something shining in her eyes, something in the way that Billy's did when he was hurt and wanted others to hurt too. 

"A scoreboard, you say you can get girls numbers? Well I say you can't, and as of right now," she wrote a tick under 'you suck', "I'm winning on that assessment." Steve blinked in surprise. 

He thought...he thought he had been getting closer to Robin, hadn't he? Hadn't they been nicer to each other, what was this? He could see it in her eyes and in her stance, she was guarded, wounded and for the life of him Steve couldn't find out why? Why was she acting so….petty? 

"Well...okay, but…" Steve tried to find his words, "this was a one off situation." Steve landed on, playing alone, feeling that weight start to lean back into his shoulders. 

"Sure it is." She offered back. 

Maybe Steve had read it all wrong and Robin hadn't ever tolerated him. It would be accurate. 

  
  


He looked over at dishes piling up in the sink through the window. 

"I'm gonna go clean the dishes." He stated leaving for the back again.

The sigh escaped him when the door swung shut behind him. So much was starting to weigh on him, he felt like he was being crushed. Everything placing down in front of him was starting to be too much. 

He could see a path, he could see what he needed to do and yet….it no longer felt safe, it felt dangerous and difficult like he was back in the tunnels looking at every turn twisting and knowing something was deep in the corners. 

"Hey, dingus, your children are here!" 

Steve sighed and shoved the window open to stare at the party before him.

"Again? Seriously?" He whined, Mike just pressed the bell again the  _ little shit. _

Steve groaned, pressing the door open and they all smiled at him no longer looking sheepish for demanding things from Steve. Not even Will looked nervous just a smile on his lips and that sorta made it better. 

He watched as they all walked away without looking back or a comment,

"I swear, if anybody hears about this-" Steve started.

"We're dead!" The party shouted back at him and Steve only shook his head, it seemed in his absence they had gotten bolder, less fearful. 

Steve felt his cheeks quirk up, he was almost proud of them, how well they persevered after all of this madness, even Will was finally perking up. 

Steve turned back to Scoops and head inside to see Robin still looking annoyed. 

Steve sighed, he'd have to work a little bit harder to get her to like him. 

Steve stepped out to see Robin's finish another order. 

He opened his mouth to speak when a loud shuttering noise sounded out. The lights suddenly off with a resounding buzz. 

Steve sucked in a breath as the everpresent static shut down. Suddenly everything felt too silent, too still and it hurt. 

Steve had gotten so used to the buzz he almost forgot it existed, and now...now it was gone, and suddenly it didn't feel good anymore. It was just like the tunnels, cold and quiet, and Steve felt the hair on his arms rise. 

"That's weird." Robin stated looking up at the ceiling and her voice felt like a gunshot in the dark. Way to loud. 

Steve stumbled to the light switch, reaching and flicking it back off and on. It did nothing. 

Steve's head felt like it was falling, his body moving without him meaning to. His hands shaking as he frantically flipped the switch over and over again. 

"That's not going to work, dingus." Robin's voice cut through his mind. He turned to her with a wild stare. Her own eyes widened as the met Steve's. 

"Really?" He breathed out still desperately trying to flip the switch. 

** _BANG!_ **

Steve fell to the floor as a strike of red flashed through his eyesight. He could taste the blood on his lips and his muscles started to contract pushing him shaking out of control.

_ It hurt. _

_ It hurt.  _

Steve convulsed as there was a sharp roar in the back of his head, a red web swindling all over Hawkins and a black spider poised in the middle, Steve could see the anchors, long hooks latched into something. 

It was cold, so so cold and  _ it hurt! _

Suddenly the lights were back and Steve felt like his body had been crushed to the bone. He could feel electric shocks running down his nerves, flaying him alive. 

His head ached just like it had when he had cracked it open, just like  _ that night. _ He was looking up at the ceiling and it was so so bright and the static was back, humming through his ears he could hear the shouting. 

_ Oh...Robin was there.  _ Her eyes were wide and shiny, ever so shiny, and her hands were so cold against Steve's face. 

She was patting his face but Steve couldn't feel it, couldn't see anything anymore. Instead all he could see, smell, taste was the electricity in the air, flashes of red against a cloudy sky. 

_ The storm finally arrived.  _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I want to thank all of you for holding out with me, we are finally getting to the main part, the and season 3 finally starts!   
I'm so excited to get to it! 
> 
> And thank you all again! Please let me know what you think! I love to hear all of your comments!   
Thank you for reading!!


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof finally into season 3! I'm so sorry for the delay, it has been a bit of a wild mess hasn't it.   
I got laid off and rhen had to deal with a lot of sick people. My own family members who lived out of state werepostovie for covid 19 so it's been very difficult.   
I also had my birthday and I just didnt want to do anything during that time. 
> 
> Thank you all for your support and patience, this time is trying and we should all try and help each other.

Steve is sent home immediately after his... _ episode. _

They called it a seizure, apparently Steve had dropped and convulsed for a minute. 

In all honesty Steve doesn't remember what his body was doing. 

But it was declared a seizure and Steve had been rushed out. Mr. Tetiph had been called in and he drove Steve home, his accent was thick when he explained Georgia would take over his shift. 

Robin wouldn't look his way for some reason. 

He didn't have the heart to fight when Mr. Tetiph directed him towards the manager's car. He was too shaky and his head hurt so much more than it ever had before. His legs unsteady, blood staining his uniform completely and splattered across his face. 

The lights hurt, and his vision spun, he probably had a concussion again.

Mr. Tetiph drove and pulled out a device.  _ Oh...a mobile phone. _

Steve must of closed his eyes because everything became dark and all he could do was hear Mr. Tetiph talking into his phone. His voice was a deep rumble and kind of reminded Steve of Hopper. 

His accent was nice and familiar, just like his mother when she would whisper in his ear to try and play the piano again. 

He didn't fight when Mr. Tetiph ended his call and promptly turned the car around.

He didn't speak when Mr. Tetiph turned down his street instead of heading to the hospital like he had promised. 

He just cracked his eyes open to watch the swirls of color dancing across his eyesight as the scenery passed. 

When he reached his house Mr. Tetiph practically carried him out, he had tugged the door open and Steve had slumped into his arms without a noise. He was quick to sweep Steve up into a bridal carry, it was so different than how Hopper had helped Steve out. 

Steve's head lolled and he could see the dark sky, it seemed weird to see it as just inky black when his mind had seen it alight with so much lights. 

"Why...why aren't we at the hospital?" Steve mumbled to the air. 

"Your parents don't want you to." Was the reply, Steve heard his front door open... _ when had he gotten Steve's keys? _

"Oh." Steve whispered, so he most definitely was a spy, or he worked for his parents. 

"You work for my parents?" Steve blurted out as he was gently deposited on the ever so uncomfortable white couches. Mr. Tetiph raised an eyebrow and chuckled, shaking his head. 

"No." He answered.  _ What?  _

"But...but you report back to my parents." Steve felt like he was slipping away to sleep, Mr. Tetiph stood away from Steve. He then brushed Steve's hair away from his forehead. 

"Sleep. You will come back to work tomorrow." He stated without an answer, Steve watched his imposing figure leave. 

Steve couldn't even keep his eyes open, slipping further and further. 

* * *

  
  


Wet. 

Cold.

Steve opened his eyes to see nothing but darkness, he looked down to see the water below his feet, how the water rolled off his skin, not sticking at all. 

He blinked as he looked back up, there was his green string tied to the bird sitting in front of him. It's beady eyes met Steve and it twisted his head as if in thought. Steve licked his lips. 

The bird then twisted his head eyeing the sky that came alight just like Steve's vision, red danced across the sky like lightning. 

Steve watched as the lights below him started to glow, growing brighter and brighter until they become unbearable. Red. 

So much Red. 

Steve fell to his knees, his hands splaying out to see the strings all attached to a point, a point Steve couldn't see. 

But he could see the creatures at the end of all the lines running, rats...all of them. Steve blinked as a new line started to spindle out from the center, twisting back and forth like when Tommy used to pinch worms out of the ground and watched them struggle to get out of his grasp. 

It started spinning, unraveling and suddenly it launched out Steve jumped back as the line launched out towards his face. 

His heart beat rapidly, and  _ oh gods oh gods it was coming right at him!  _

Steve closed his eyes tight and….nothing…

He blinked his eyes open to see the red cut short in front of him, his bird flung before him. 

Steve's heart stuttered as the red line tangled into the green and suddenly felt as if he was getting gutted.  _ Oh gods he could see, see everything!  _

Steve could see drawings lined across the Byers' home, he could see Will standing alone in a field, he could see El raising her hand and screaming. 

_ SNAP! _

Steve fell from the couch with blood on his lips. His head ached and the world spun but he could taste the loss, he knew,  _ he knew, his bird was gone. _

He barely had any time to run to the bathroom when he vomited. 

It was early morning when he finally was able to crack his eyes open, everything was painted in the morning light and Steve felt sick. 

  
  


He did manage to keep down a banana though, which was good because Steve needed the strength. 

His first step was shower, his face crusted with old blood and his muscles sore. 

He didn't remember making it to the bathroom, just then he was there, and the water was on and tears were streaming down his face. 

He found himself crying silently as he stared into the mirror and he didn't recognize himself anymore. 

His hair a shade lighter from the highlights. His eyes sunken, the whites bloodshot and his face pale, blood stained against his skin. He brought a shaky hand up to run through his hair as the air began to steam up. 

His breath came out stuttering, broken, he slowly sunk down to the floor. He couldn't stop himself from hugging himself and rocking for comfort as everything sunk into him, all the overwhelming feelings and emotions crushing him under its weight. 

_ He couldn't do this.  _

_ He couldn't.  _

_ He couldn't keep this up.  _

His forehead pressed against the floor as the sobs ripped through his chest, the pain in his back was almost as unbearable as the pain in his head. 

Steve choked on another sob. 

_ It was too much! He just- he couldn't! He needed a moment! he just-He just needed to breathe! _

Steve curled up, folding his body in half, rocking back and forth, letting his head slightly knock against the tiled floor. 

_ Why did he have to do this!? He couldn't- he couldn't do this anymore!  _

Steve took a shuddering gasp and it all fell down before him, it just was so  _ unfair!  _

The weight of his own mind, his own thoughts, his own emotions, it was  _ way  _ too much. 

_ He couldn't keep playing this game anymore _ . 

Steve screamed, a plea of help, ripping through his lungs. A desperate peal of sound rippling through the air. He didn't notice the room shake under the force. The items on the sink launched themselves away, the door cracking as it was slammed shut. 

Steve didn't know how long he lay there. 

He didn't know how much time had passed as he rocked himself. 

He ignored the blood falling from his nose and he ignored the clear explosion of force that had occurred in his bathroom. 

He felt drained, empty, as if all the emotions had been poured into him and he had been toppled over leaving nothing inside. 

He slowly sat down in the shower letting the warm water sting his skin. 

He closed his eyes. 

* * *

Steve had been told to work that day at two. So that's what he did. 

He pulled on the last uniform he had, bundled into a large jacket and walked out to find his car wasn't outside. 

_ Right...still at Starcourt.  _

So instead Steve walked. 

The sun was up and hot and Steve felt like his mind was twisting itself. 

He was only two blocks down when he saw a familiar car pull up beside him. 

"Steve?" Steve turned his head to see Jonathon in the car next to Nancy. Her hair was teased in a way he had never seen her move it. Jonathan looked significantly more healthy and confident in his clothing, they each were holding a box of food and drinks. 

"Uhh…hey?" Steve mumbled looking down the road. 

"You okay?" Jonathon asked, Nancy's eyes rolling down Steve's form as if looking for some kind of weapon. Steve gulped, smiling awkwardly. 

"Yeah, just tired." Steve nodded, feeling too tired, he continued walking. Jonathon kept his pace much to Steve's dismay. 

"Where- uhh" Jonathon stumbled. 

"Where you going Steve?" Nancy finally piped up, her eyebrows were turned up in concern and Steve only lent her a glance. 

"Heading to work." Steve mumbled, pulling the jacket closer to his figure. 

"Where's your car?" Nancy pestered, leaning further out the window. Steve rubbed his forehead,  _ why couldn't they just leave?  _

"It's at work." Steve stated, still walking, he was going to be late but he couldn't stay at home anymore, he couldn't do anything anymore, he just...he just needed to move. 

He could distantly hear Jonathon and Nancy talking to each other beside him but he ignored it. He hoped Mr. Tetiph wasn't going to be mad at him for being late. 

"How about we give you a ride!" Jonathon piped up still following Steve. Steve paused feeling somewhat faint,  _ had his brain always been this blank? _

"What?" 

"Yeah man! Hop in! We can give you a ride!" Johnathon's smile was so sweet, sweet and small, just like Will's. Nancy nodded next to him, also smiling, but it was a fake one, the type of smile she used when she was concerned and was humoring others. 

Steve looked between the two of them. 

"Don't...don't you have to deliver that?" Steve numbly pointed at the hamburgers in their laps, clearly from the dinner. 

He watched as Nancy looked down and Jonathon did too. 

"Oh! That can wait, come on Steve, let us give you a ride." Jonathon persisted, he really had gotten so much braver since he got with Nancy. 

Steve opened his mouth to protest-

"Please Steve, you don't look well." Nancy pushed and Steve was surprised by how much that didn't sway him. Nancy had always been good at pleading, at making Steve do things, she knew what buttons to press and she knew where to guide him.

He used to admire that...now...now Steve was sick of people guiding him, he was tired of feeling like he was a bystander to his own life. 

He shook his head, "I'm good." He went back to walking, if he continued on this path he would see the community pool, maybe he could see Billy…

"Steve." Jonathon pleaded and that made Steve pause, Jonathon didn't plead with Steve, they really weren't that close. Steve looked over at the other boy and he smiled crookedly at Steve. 

"It's on the way really," Jonathon offered, even throwing his car into park. Steve looked down the long path and sighed. 

"Okay." He mumbled, running his hands through his hair and finally relented, opening the door. 

He slumped into Jonathon's back seat and ignored the pointed looks Nancy and Jonathon gave each other before looking him over. 

Jonathon finally started driving away. 

"So I heard from Will, you work at the Icecream Parlor?" Jonathon asked politely. 

"Yeah. Scoops Ahoy." Steve mumbled letting his head turn to watch the scenery pass him by, he remembered looking at this path when his mother had driven him to work his first day.

"Oh! That's cool!" Nancy smiled as if that was the best news ever. 

Steve shrugged, not having the energy to keep up with the conversation. 

"So why's your car at work, but not you?" Nancy finally asked, he knew she was going to, it was such a Nancy thing, she was probably itching to get the whole story. 

"Someone else drove me home." Steve stated; they had reached the main road. 

"Oh? Why's that?" Nancy pushed, ignoring the harsh hiss of  _ Nancy!  _ from Jonathon. 

Steve blinked slowly watching the sky. He considered not answering, he kind of didn't want to. But something twisted in Steve, maybe he had been toppled over and all that was left inside him was anger. Maybe he just felt petty after Robin had been vindictive. 

Maybe it was just left over frustration from having someone claim they love him and still not notice what was wrong with Steve, just like Nancy and Tommy. 

"I had a seizure." Steve spat out. Feeling a heat rise in his soul, an anger inside himself he didn't know he had. Maybe it was the same as Billy's the same he had when they wanted to destroy. The same anger he had seen in Robin yesterday. 

Whatever it was, it was the last feeling Steve had besides numbness and he wasn't going to let it go. 

"What!?" Nancy and Jonathon screeched out, Nancy even whipped around to stare him down. 

"Yup." Steve popped the 'p' at the end. 

"Oh my god, are you okay?" Nancy asked, he could feel her eyes on him, he shrugged. "And you're still going to work? Shouldn't you be resting? Or at the hospital?" She ranted, all righteous fury. 

Steve let a smile fall on his lips.

"My parents don't want me to." He stated with ease. The car became silent after that. Steve didn't have the heart to care, he felt broken and raw, shattered to a point he couldn't gather himself anymore. It didn't even matter how close to blurting out what his parents were like, he just didn't  _ care _ anymore. 

"Is...is it from the concussion?" Jonathon asked politely, ever so quiet. Steve smiled as the pool passed by, he didn't see Billy but he was sure he was there. 

"Sure." Steve shrugged. 

"Sure?" Nancy asked. Steve shrugged back again feeling petty. 

"Sure, why not." Steve closed his eyes remembering Nancy's dismissal. How could they not notice, how could she not worry…

She never did notice when Steve had bruises on his face, neck, and wrists when he came over late at night. She was so observant, and yet never observant enough. 

"Why not?" She asked, her voice getting harsher, almost annoyed. Steve nodded, they were almost at the mall, and thank heavens honestly, the car reeked of cheese and hamburgers in the heat, it made Steve feel nauseous. 

"What? What is this Steve?" 

"Nancy!"

"No! Jonathon, we are just showing him concern and here he goes and has to be a brat back? He's acting just like Mike."  _ Ouch. _

Steve pushed himself more up and stretched his back. He didn't comment as Nancy started to rant at him, he lazily looked her over, how had he thought she would ever understand him? She didn't hold that same anger Steve knew, not like the type Steve had seen in so many others. 

"Look Steve! Something is clearly up with you! You even said-"

"Nancy stop!"  _ Ah, they were about to turn into the parking lot. _

"No! I'm sick of this! What is it?!"

"Nancy! He's clearly got abusive parents!" Came Johnathon's ringing voice and Steve blinked at that. No one had ever been able to guess it.  _ No one. _ Not even Tommy, in fact Tommy had been hiding in Steve's bathroom when Steve's father squeezed his face between his fingers and shoved him to the ground. 

Steve couldn't help but look Jonathon over as the silence permeated the car. He could see it there, that fire, that same fire Steve knew, the same fire that came before destruction. 

He had seen that look right before Steve had been decked. 

"What?" Nancy whispered out. Steve leaned in closer to them, watching as Jonathon parked his car in a parking spot, ducking his head. Steve could feel his coldness falling over himself, feeling too much like his mother as he watched bored. 

"Takes one to know one?" Steve asked Jonathon, remembering his dad. Jonathon's dad Lonnie, a real asshole, worse than his own dad, at least Steve's dad tried to pretend, Lonnie never did have that grace. 

"What?" Nancy whispered again clearly shocked, Steve looked over at the door, scooting over and opening the door. 

"Thank you for the ride." Steve offered numbly. 

"Wait! What? Steve!" Steve closed the door and looked over at Nancy, at least Jonathon looked sheepish at his spot in the driver's seat. Something twisted in Steve,  _ good. _

"Do...do they- Steve do they hurt you?" Nancy's eyes were glassy and she looked personally wounded. Steve looked at her feeling as cold as he was sure his mother did when faced with something tedious. 

"What do you think?" He raised an eyebrow and then turned around and left, ignoring Nancy's call. 

And so he walked into the mall and let the constant electric buzz rain over him. 

Something about the mall felt charged, as if the static electricity had been built up. 

It was enough to make Steve feel anxious, jittery, on edge. He walked through the mall keeping his head down until he reached Scoops. He could see Georgia at the counter and Mr. Tetiph standing imposingly behind her. Steve smiled at the girl politely, she barely looked his way. 

Steve walked into the back to place his stuff down. 

"What the fuck are you doing here?" 

Steve turned to see Robin. Her eyes were wide and exasperated, as if she had seen the impossible. Steve's head ached. 

Steve opened his mouth to talk when a hand fell on his shoulder making him jump. 

"Steven is working today." Mr. Tetiph answered, moving away. Steve watched him go and Robin did a double take. 

"What!? Why? He just had a seizure! Shouldn't he be at the hospital or something!?" She roared with a righteous fury Steve had only ever seen her use on costumers. It was almost breathtaking. 

Mr. Tetiph didn't seem to think so, seeing as how he regard Robin with a look that read he saw her as nothing more than an adorable pet that was angry. 

"He works, no more conversation." Mr Tetiph announced with a finality, ignoring Robins huffs of anger and stomping as he left. She scowled at his back. 

Steve felt frozen when she finally turned her pale eyes over to him, her expression changing, shifting into something kinder.

"Man...you okay?" Steve blinked himself back to reality. 

"Huh?" He tilted his head in question. Her face didn't contort into annoyance for once, instead scrunching up to show concern. 

"Steve, you...are you okay? If you want to leave, I'll handle the shift on my own." She whispered conspiratorially, her eyes wide and filled with so much depth Steve was sure he would fall. 

"I-im good Robin, thanks." He nodded, he didn't know if he was saying it to her or himself in all honesty. He was too tired.

"It's fine." He whispered to himself. Without his jacket everything was so much colder in the shop, the freezer was still open. 

"Well let me know...okay?" Robin breathed out. By the time Steve turned his head she was gone, his eyes catching on the white board she had written down the scoreboard. 

He closed his eyes and took a steadying breath feeling too jittery and strung up and yet exhausted. 

He got to work. 

* * *

It was cold and yet Steve was still sweating. Sweaty palms had always been a sure sign for him when he was nervous...he shouldn't have been surprised he was acting in such a way. 

It was so quiet, dead quiet in his house. He was waiting...he didn't know what for, but he knew he was waiting. He sat on his uncomfortable white couch and stared at the blue glow of his pool, his parents had gotten it all fixed up apparently. 

His leg bounced as he sat there, waiting...waiting...something was coming and he just couldn't tell  _ what _ yet. 

Steve watched the forest illuminated in the neon blue light. Was this how Barb had felt? Sitting, waiting, her heart pounding like she knew something was coming but she couldn't tell what? Knowing she couldn't stop the tidal wave that eventually was going to take her far away. Despite all the anxiety, knowing she was ultimately helpless in her own life. 

Steve's eyes closed and he could hear phantom chirps from a nonexistent bird echoing in his mind. He didn't know how he knew, but he knew the bird was dead. 

He could feel its loss more than anything else. 

A loss that ripped itself away from Steve, making him tilt too close to falling. 

Steve opened his eyes, his hands clenching,  _ open closed, open closed, open- _ nothing had changed. 

He brought his hands up, wiping them on his uniform shorts then lifted them up to scrub his eyes.

He reopened them to the same scenery as before. He took a steadying breath remembering work, most of it a blur. 

He just barely remembered Robin trying to make jabs, attempting to make jokes to get Steve to re-engage. Steve barely could remember anything other than that…

He remembered...he remembered...Robin...joking about...how….he….couldn't read…..

Steve started to slip further down, his head starting to lull back as his mind started to fall into sleep. 

His face bathed in the neon blue light as he slipped into the inky black abyss. His heart fluttering inside his chest as he finally lost conscious. 

* * *

_ Red.  _

_ So much  _ _ red.  _

Steve could only see  _ red.  _ Twisting, pulsating, throbbing, spreading up against each other, budding up, threading into each other. 

Steve slowly lifted his eyes to see the red underneath his feet like veins running through the ground, pulsating to a point, spindling to overlap each other merging into an amalgamation. 

His heart beating faster than he had ever felt before, his blood rushing in his ears. 

_ 'Damn it!'  _

_ 'Piece of shit!'  _

Steve could see a car, a blue car turned purple in the red glow. A camaro. 

Steve's breath froze in his chest as Billy appeared, walking through a fog, the red lines bubbling near him. 

_ 'Suzie, do you copy?'  _ Steve could hear someone else behind him, further away. Steve turned around to see someone sitting far away, a speck of light in the dark sea. 

_ 'Suzie, do you copy?' _

Steve slowly started walking closer. 

_ 'What the hell?'  _ Steve whipped around as a squelching sound rumbled into the cold air. Steve's body shivered as he saw Billy walk closer to the red mass. 

"Billy! Stop!" Steve scrambled to get closer, his body alight in the red light as if bathed in blood. 

"Billy!" He screamed, and yet it did nothing, he still kept walking forward, closer and closer to the amalgamation of red guts. 

_ 'Who's there?'  _ Billy called out. Steve could feel tears running down his face. 

"BILLY! RUN!" Steve screeched running as hard as he could, tripping over the roots of red, too much like the tunnels.

_ 'I said who's there!?'  _ Billy shouted out. Steve opened his mouth choking on his own scream. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


M̵̢̜̟̤̖̯͈̳̲͙̹͇̯̜͉͈͋̃͒͛̐̉͜ͅI̵̢̨̛̹̘͚̳̻̊̎̎̓͆̔̈̽̽̓̍̐̇̎̔͒̌̄̓̋̈́̾̔̔̅̕͘̚͜͝N̴̨̛̞̥͚̙͖͍͚̼̖̤͊͗̈́̎̈́̍͗̓̐̎͝Ȩ̸̢̢̤̹̳̯̙͉̹̰̘̺̫͇̬͚̖̬͔͈͖͈̭̤̘̳͕͈̖̹̘͖̳̳̣͓͆̽̿́̽̂͑̎̽̔̾̒̌͌̀̓̾̈́͋͆̊̃͆̀̎̈́̓͆̀̿͋̏̎̋̏̀̈̍͛͑̈̊̆͒̇̉͜͠͝͝͠͝ͅ

  
  
  
  
  


Steve fell to his knees, hands clasping over his ears as a roar echoed through his mind.  _ Oh gods, oh gods,oh gods,oh gods,oh gods,oh gods,oh gods,oh gods,oh gods,no, no,no,no,no,please,no,oh gods. _

He couldn't see!  _ He couldn't see! It was too bright, too red, he could hear Billy screaming. Oh gods, billy!  _

  
  


Steve shot off the white couch with a choke, stumbling onto the carpeted floor. He gagged as a iron coated his senses, blood pouring from his lips and nose. 

Steve slowly lifted his eyes up, tears streaming down his cheeks. All he could see was that same neon blue light glowing up the darkness. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thsts it! Thank you again for everyone still sticking in this story despite how long it's taking. Thank you again for all the support, some of your comments are the only things I can look forward to.   
Hopefully these next few chapters shouldn't take as long. 
> 
> Let me know what you think!   
Thank you for reading!


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! This chapter is a bit shorter and I'm sorry about that, but I decided to cut it here so that the next chapter was more cohesive. 
> 
> That being said, I've been under a lot of stress and frustration, ive lost some family members and friends to covid-19 and am trying to get back on track. 
> 
> All of your comments have been so encouraging and nice, and writing has been a pleasant relief from the stress.

Things spiralled out of control in a single moment, wreathing at a pinpoint of time that seemed to drop Steve down into the depths of panic he had no hope of escaping.  _ Billy. _

It was different to the other times when things were a blur, hazy and forgettable, and yet this time it was all very vivid, all bright and saturated and yet it still bled together. Like a fresh painting having water poured on it.  _ Billy. _

His blood boiling and his limbs shaking, there was still iron in his lungs and tears on his face. He had stumbled out of the house and snatched his keys, and it was so bright in that moment, as if been dunked in ice, how evocative the scenery was around him.  _ Billy. _

How the green of the trees became a smear and the sky became a blanket of suffocation. So tight and enveloping, it was oddly claustrophobic.  _ Billy. _

Steve remembered stumbling, he remembered the feeling of the gravel, the sharp press and scrap of his skin as he pushed himself back up into his car. It was as if he was going in slow motion and yet too fast at the same time.  _ Billy. Oh god. Billy. _

He was being overloaded by all the inputs he felt like he wasn't controlling his own body as he crumbled into his car.  _ He needed to get to Billy.  _

He remembered the loud pop of his engine and he watched as everything stretched around him, bending and smearing to nothing as Steve could see that red in the distance.  _ Billy.  _

He drove as fast as he could, pressing his foot as far as he could and yet knowing it wasn't fast enough. Nothing was fast enough,  _ Billy was already caught.  _

Snagged into a spindling thread that had once been ethereal and now seemed to be made up of strung up intestines. Gore and flesh braiding together to make something so profoundly unholy, so tremendously more powerful than those old wire lines they had once been.  _ Oh god, and it got Billy.  _

When had it been built up? How had Steve not noticed the union of this...this- monster? How had it birthed this trap so early? His car teetered as he turned, seeing the ley lines of the blood converging at a spot; the old metal works shop. 

The blood in Steve ran out as if trying to fuse with the grime below. 

Steve couldn't hear the wind whipping by, he couldn't hear the engine whining, all he could hear was Billy's cries ringing in his head. He pushed his car further, as far as he could. 

The converging was moving, leaving traces of contamination, oozing blood onto the ground, poisoning it. Steve swerved down another lane following the epicenter, the hook leeched into flesh; _ Billy.  _

He didn't know where it was going but it was moving, leaving, expanding. It made Steve sick. He banked his car down another turn, trying to cut that hub off, he  _ had to get to Billy!  _

If he wasn't quick enough...if he didn't help... _ he could see Will limp in his mother's arms, pale and fragile. He could see his skeletal frame as he held in his silent tears.  _

_ 'I just...He got me outside, in a field.' Will had whispered, his eyes haunted with unseen imagery.  _

Steve was nearly there! Just a little further! 

His car squealed loudly into the cold night but there it was; Billy's blue Camaro, it's red brake lights blending into the sea of red.  _ Billy! _

It was parked outside, engine still rumbling. Steve could hear a woman asking if someone was there on a phone dangling off the line. 

And there he was, Billy standing in the middle of the road staring out across the road, stiff and immovable. 

Steve stumbled out of his car, the keys still in ignition. 

"Billy." Steve's breath left him as he slipped. He didn't move, his back wrapped in that red line, escaping back into the old metal works warehouse behind them. 

Steve walked around it, his hands shaking,  _ gods everything was wrong.  _

"B-Billy, look at me." Steve whispered and stepped closer, he was in a leather jacket, and his hair was matted with... _ something.  _ but the worst of all was the blood on his forehead, clumped into his curls and running down his cheek. 

Steve lifted a hand slowly, unconsciously reaching for his cheek, Billy's eyes were cold, so much colder than they ever were, so glazed over, unfocused and trapped. 

Steve could hear phantom whispers behind him, just like when he was at the mall.

_ Gods Billy. _

Steve slowly placed a hand on Billy's cheek and-  ** _White_ ** _ . _

Steve blinked when his vision changed on him,  _ what.. what was- _

Cold eyes locked down on him, cold eyes unmoving. Steve reached his own hands up to feel something blocking him.  _ Oh...oh he couldn't breathe.  _

Steve choked as Billy's hand squeezed his throat.  _ Oh gods, he couldn't breathe! He couldn't breathe!  _ He was pinned down on the ground, Billy's hands pressing Steve down and he was no longer in the night. He couldn't hear the red lightning rolling across the sky, he couldn't feel the ash lifting up from the ground, he couldn't see the other Billy whispering to ' _ build' _ . 

All he could see was the Billy on top of him, his eyes cold and heartbroken, tears on his cheeks and black vines in his arms. 

"B-b...ii...ll" Steve attempted to cough out, his body aching, his ears ringing. 

And then he could breathe again! Billy gone, scrambling backwards as if shocked back. Steve rolled over the blood dripping down his mouth and his throat raw, the ringing finally gone. 

It was just.  Silent . 

Steve couldn't hear anything besides Billy's panting and Steve's own labored gasps for air.

The asphalt was cold against Steve's skin and there was no more ash, no more red lightning and no fog. 

"St-steve?" Billy choked out, sounding as if he was the one who had been strangled. 

Steve couldn't see any red anymore, no more ties, no more twisting organs. 

Billy started inching forward, "Steve?" He whispered and Steve couldn't move, his bones were like lead, his body like a weight he no longer had the strength to lift. 

"Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh fuck! Jesus! What did I do!? Steve!?" Billy was by his side now, a hand pushing his hair away from his face. Steve could see his eyes, and he could barely breathe.

______

Darkness was something that was encompassing, comfortable and yet unobtrusive. Was darkness empty? How did you know you weren't alone?

Steve didn't feel alone anymore. Not in his own head. 

Whispering of static and something else, something  _ beyond _ had settled in Steve's mind. It had pushed his own thoughts to the side and murmured in a language that ached of familiar and yet was unrecognized. It hurt.

He could hear growls surrounding him, inhuman and ethereal. He could hear the squelches of organs braiding themselves to make new lines, teeth growing forward to make anchors, stabbing into other flesh to meld into their own.

Steve gasped as he was woken up in his own bed. His eyes fought on the plaid design on his walls.

All the lights were on. 

His head ached, and he could feel the bruising starting to settle on his throat and head. 

And there was Billy. 

His head was in his hands, his shoulders shook and his body shivered uncontrollably. He was curled up on the floor, resting against Steve's dresser. The worst was the sound, Steve had thought the sounds were in his dreams.  _ They hadn't been. _

"..." Steve gasped as his voice refused to come out; his throat sore.

"Bi...illy?" He attempted again. 

Billy's head snapped up and he looked  _ awful. _ Absolutely broken, shattered to a million pieces and glued back together in the wrong order, the glass pressing against each other, scratching itself and any movement was a threat of falling apart all over again. 

Steve kept eye contact with him. There was tears falling from his  _ blue, blue eyes.  _

"Steeeve…" he whined, his voice cracking and he let his head fall back down.  _ 'Oh god, why did I do that?'  _ He mumbled under his breath.  _ 'What is happening to me?' _ His voice was rough, scratching against his own vocal cords. 

Steve slowly sat up completely, he was still wearing his uniform he had been wearing when he had first found Billy in that street; the sky still dark.

"Bi..Billy, its go...oing to be o..ay" Steve pushed out of his destroyed lungs. 

"What the fuck Harrington? What were you doing there?" The tone no longer matched his words. His voice impossibly gentle against Steve's ears. He scooted closer, getting to the edge of his bed. 

"I ha...d to see you." Steve slowly slunk down to the ground, his head pounding, iron blooming across his tongue as red started to glow out from underneath Billy's skin. 

"What?" Billy finally lifted his head back up, his skin shimmering sickly, he looked so much like Will during that time. Were his eyes already getting sunken? 

"Yeah...I nee..-" Steve cleared his throat, "-ded to see you." Steve whispered, he could see the thread now, cutting through Billy's skin and running through the air and out the house. 

Billy flinched away as Steve's hand got closer to his skin. His eyes wide and confused. 

"I know Billy." He whispered softly to the other boy. Billy never took his eyes off his hand. 

"Know what?" Billy swallowed, "what is going on?" 

"I'm going to help." Steve closed his eyes and he could see the darkness and the red line before him, he let his hand land on Billy's bicep. 

"What's happening? Wh-what are you talking about?" He could hear Billy begging before him, but it didn't matter anymore Steve needed to  _ do this.  _ If he waited to long-  _ red hair splayed out, screaming as she was tugged into an abyss of neon blue. A missing RadioShack worker. Joyce's tears and the bitter taste of KFC in his throat. Bullshit- _ Steve couldn't risk this, he wasn't going to let it have Billy.  _ Not Billy!  _

He had snapped a red line before, he could do it again. 

He grabbed the string before him and ignored the pounding in his head as if his brain was trying to beat itself out of his mind. The line was  _ disgusting  _ to feel, cold and wet, slippery and slick, like holding raw meat in his hands.  _ Oh gods!  _ Steve's hand caught on something sharp in the line and he stared with horror at the sharp teeth embedded into the gore.

He swallowed. 

"Steve? Steve what's happening?" Billy pushed, himself closer, Steve could feel the heat radiating off his body. He ignored it, instead going to start to tear. 

His fingers digging into the flesh and tore. 

"Ste-" Billy's voice froze as if he had been shocked; he was processing something and Steve continued to rip. 

He ignored Billy's screams when he started. 

"It's going to be okay." Steve whispered to himself as a mantra,  _ it was going to be okay. it was going to be okay. it was going to be okay. it was going to be okay. it was going to be okay.  _ _ it was going to be okay.  _

Steve's hands were bloody from catching on sharp teeth but he ignored it, digging into the line and was surprised by how easy it was compared to the old metal threads it had been before. 

He manages to crack two thirds of the thread, Billy's screeches still ringing in his ears and he could feel Billy convulsing under his hand.  _ it was going to be okay. it was going to be okay.  _

Just a  _ little more! He was almost there!  _

He tugged, throwing all his body weight into it, pulling and scratching, he could hear the strain of the organs tearing. 

_ Snap! _

Steve collapsed backwards and snapped his eyes open to see Billy on the floor, his own nose bleeding and blood on his lips from where he had bit it. 

Steve's breath was labored, each breath feeling like a stab to his throat, but it didn't matter! He had done it!  _ He had done it! _

He blinked once, twice, three times when Billy didn't get up, when the red inside him didn't disappear.

"Wha.." Steve gasped out, crawling closer to the shivering boy. There was still red in his chest, a worm twisting and convulsing, a parasite, an anchor. 

Oh... _ oh...no… _

"Billy, I'm so sorry, I'm...I'm going to fix it okay!" He gushed out, climbing quickly to place his hands on Billy's exposed chest. 

"Stop." Billy's voice was so quiet, barely a puff of air. 

"I'm going to make it better!" Steve commanded, he didn't know if he was saying it to himself or Billy. 

He closed his eyes trying to see the thread but it was gone! Snagged up and sucked back into the central hub, back where that giant spider had been. 

Steve couldn't reach the anchor! He  _ couldn't do anything! He needed to reach it!  _

"I said stop!" Billy growled, a hand digging into Steve's arm, scratching it, drawing blood. Steve snapped his eyes open to see Billy's own eyes wild. 

It wasn't just Billy in there anymore, someone else was speaking now, Steve could hear it, his own words strained in red. Steve could  _ taste it _ . 

"Billy please! You have to fight okay! I'm going to figure this out!" Steve pleaded as Billy laboriously rolled in his stomach to start propping himself back up. 

Steve only had one last trick up his sleeve.  _ Oh gods it wasn't going to work was it!? _

Steve stood up away from Billy, his hand raising in his familiar pose, his eyes scrunching back up into the dark abyss as before. 

"Stop it now Harrington!" Billy roared.

Steve pushed hard as he could, he could hear everything smashing around him, he could feel all the hair on his arms standing up, but most of all he could hear Billy being slammed back into the wall.

Steve didn't let up, his head pounded as he continued to push, the parasite in Billy twitching, escaping. 

"Get out of him!" Steve commanded,  _ not Billy! He was not going to let it have Billy!  _

The worm was getting closer, it was about to fall out, just a little m- 

Steve collapsed to the floor as all the strength left him, he had nothing left and with that Billy collapsed next. 

He had been so close, so  _ so close.  _ He couldn't stop the tears watering his eyes, he couldn't stop as they slid down his cheeks as he face pressed against the itchy carpet beneath him. 

He could hear Billy gagging beside him,  _ when had his eyes slid closed?  _

Steve fought to keep his eyes open as Billy choked on the air, his body scrunching up as it tried to expel something.

With a final gag something just as twisted and gory as the line fell from Billy's lips, it's slimy nature regathered itself after it had splattered on the carpet. 

"What the fuck!?" Billy coughed weakly pushing himself away as the abomination scattered away and out of Steve's room. 

Steve couldn't keep his eyes open anymore, his eyes slipping closed as he finally began to relax. 

It didn't last long as Steve could feel someone stumbling to his side shaking him.

"Harrington. Shit, you better not be dead." Came a gruff voice. 

"Let me'b, m'dead." Steve mumbled swatting away the hand roughly shoving him, his head pounding and his body feeling like rubber. 

"Then how the fuck you talkin'?" Someone rolled Steve onto his back, their voice sounded raw, as if they had gurgled a pile of rocks. 

"M'not." Steve groaned as the lights started to grate against his eyes.

"Wha.." Steve coughed out as light finally streamed into his consciousness. 

"You better be fucking talkin' cuz I've got a lot of questions!"  _ Oh...Billy… _

Steve scrunched up his face as he tried to sit up. He could feel Billy's warm hand sweep up on his back to help push him up. 

"W-" Steve coughed, congealed blood plopping itself out of his mouth. He ignored Billy's horrified and disgusted wince. "Where did it go?" Steve grumbled, his head lolled back as he no longer had the strength to hold it up. 

"What?" 

"The thing, that...the parasite?" Steve gasped out as Billy used his strength to keep Steve's weight up. 

"You- wha- okay, first of all what the fuck was that!? What was it!?" Billy screeched, a hand coming up to grip at his hair. Steve blinked and flinched from the loud noise. 

"B-Billy, let's calm down, where did it go?" Steve attempted,  _ fuck! Did his head hurt.  _

"Calm-Calm Down!?  _ Calm down!?  _ What the fuck Harrington, what the-" Billy started to ramble, Steve could feel his heart rapidly beat against his chest. 

"Where did it go Billy!" He growl-well it was more of a cough but it counted. 

"I don't know!? Out the door!" Billy thrust his hand out gesturing wildly towards Steve's bedroom door. 

"Oh good." Steve mumbled, finally collapsing completely. His head snapped back against Billy's chest, his eyes fluttering close. 

"Go-good?! Harrington?! What the fuck is happening!?" Billy's voice cut through Steve's exhaustion. 

"M'tired." Steve mumbled out.

"No, no, no, no, no, keep your eyes open, you're-" he felt himself being set down on his carpet. "Shit! Steve, you're bl- there's a lot of blood! We need to get you to the hos-" 

"S'okay." Steve whined, his head screaming for sleep, his body exhausted from being strained so hard. 

"It's not okay! Steve!" Steve swatted the too hot hands on his face. 

"Let m'sleep, m'tired." 

"You're fucking bleeding Harrington!" 

"It's just a bloody nose." Steve sleepily replied, finally feeling sleep sweep him up in its arms. 

____

  
  


If anyone asked, (and again as it was established, no one ever did!) Steve would tell them he was ready to die. The pain inside himself was too much to exist. 

He never was so lucky.

Fate really did hate him. 

"Did you get...your hair is lighter." Came Billy's voice as Steve was once again shaken. 

"Wha- what the fuck?" Steve coughed, blinking back into existence. 

"Here." Billy offered as a cold water bottle was pressed against Steve's lips. 

_ Oh, he was parched.  _

"Easy, try and sit up." Billy's voice was rough and so quietly gentle as if he was talking to a child. His warm hand was a familiar as it pushed Steve up from his back. 

Steve gasped as the water slipped away finally feeling...not exactly alive but close enough. His eyes slowly dragged across his room. 

It was early morning, maybe five with how light the sky was. The room was in total disarray, his window glass cracked and all the items were strewn about. Even his dresser was toppled over. 

And Steve felt  _ gross.  _ There was dry blood all over his face flaking, and it  _ itched.  _ His throat was sore, and his head ached something fierce, as if there was a demogorgon trying to claw its way out. 

And then there was Billy; right by his side, his hair matted, dusty, and gross. His lips were chapped and there….yeah that was puke hanging onto his mustache. 

He also had dried blood on his forehead, they almost matched in a way. 

"Feeling better?" Billy's voice softly asked. Steve swallowed and nodded.

"Good." Billy commented when suddenly something slapped across the back of Steve's head. 

"Ow! Did you just smack me?" 

"Yeah. I did." Billy growled looking furious, "had to make sure you weren't going to die if I did, but you deserve it." 

"Wha-why?!" 

"Get up, you stink." Billy hissed out.

"So do you!" Steve pointed out, his brain spinning from Billy's extreme reactions. 

"Yeah, so we will both be showering, and then you!" Billy jabbed a finger into Steve's chest, "Are going to answer all my questions." And promptly left. 

Leaving Steve alone in the remains of his room. 

Everything seemed to slide out of place for a moment, Steve felt like he was unsteady ground as if he was back with Mr. Scott, or waiting for a monster to jump out at him. 

He felt like he was staring back down at the quarry, wondering if he would be able to move if the ground fell away. 

He had never let anyone see his... _ god calling it powers made him sound  _ ** _crazy. _ ** _ And Billy of all people!  _

Steve felt like slapping himself when he walked into his bathroom.  _ Oh god he had let Nancy and Jonathan find out about his parents! And he let Billy see his pow- unique abilities!  _

_ Don't panic!  _

Steve sucked in a shaky breath, flinching at the pain in his throat. 

_ And all of this wasn't even the worst part! Billy wanted answers, but...so did Steve! _

_ Oh god... _ he knew what that red spread had meant, the last time he had seen it, how it latched onto others. 

The mindflayer was back...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it!   
Be prepared guys, that slow burn might turn into a proper fire soon lol. 
> 
> Let me know what you think okay!  
Comments really make my day.  
That being said- I just finished the video game Control's dlc and have been absolutely in love. 
> 
> Also the fact that a character is a scientist named Dr. Harrington really has me thinking of fun crossovers...


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm so sorry for how long this took, I'm currently a sole caretaker for a toddler, got laid off, and am in the middle of finals, so this chapter is a little short.   
I wasn't entirely finished, I wanted the chapter to be longer but I realized it was almost a month since an update so I cut it at a point. 
> 
> The next chapter should not take nearly as long!   
Thank you again for all your support and comments, every single one of them has been a delight and a joy to read and really helps me during this time.   
Please enjoy.

Steve had to be honest with himself. Things weren't spelling out a...good time. It was like seeing a rock on the sidewalk and knowing it would knock a kid off his bike, but not having the power to move the rock. 

The mindflayer was that rock. 

And Billy….well it wasn't exactly clear if he was the kid or the bike…

Steve shouldn't be involved with...metaphors, it really wasn't his strong point. 

Besides if Steve was being honest with himself the idea of talking to Billy was suddenly more daunting than facing down a demodog...or two.

Besides...it had been a while since he had properly done his hair. So...Billy could wait. And anyways! Steve had some serious thinking to do about what exactly was the game plan. Which was terrible seeing as his mind was drifting the minute he closed his eyes as the hot spray hit his head. His head ached something fierce, and yet not nearly as bad as it had been  _ that night _ . He felt sore, as if he had played through an important basketball match. 

He needed to tell the others, that was for sure...he had no idea what exactly the Mindflayer was planning but judging by the expanse of its red web….well it wasn't just going to disappear. 

Nancy and Jonathan were probably his best bet, he didn't really want to talk to Hopper or Joyce after his…. _ childhood questioning.  _ Although talking to Nancy was probably going to be just as infuriating. 

_ That was besides the point!  _ The mindflayer was back and he  _ needed  _ to protect the kids! That was his purpose! And!  _ And he had powers now! He could do so much better at protecting them!  _

He protected Billy! 

And Billy… 

_ Oh...right he still needed to tell Billy.  _

Not that he really knew what was happening, it really wasn't that clear. 

Steve stepped out of the shower with his skin feeling raw, his throat sore, and his legs shaky. 

The air was steamed and it made it hard to breathe, his chest stuttering, and yet he just couldn't bring himself to step out of the bathroom. 

The hair on his arms stood up and a shiver ran down his spine. 

_ It was time to face the music.  _

Steve stepped into his sweatpants and pulled on his sweater. It was fine, Steve could do this. 

_ Yeah...he could do it. _

.

.

.

Or so he thought. Somehow everything Steve had faced was nowhere near as daunting as seeing Billy shirtless making coffee with a cigarette in his mouth. 

His skin looked….wrong, like it had been sunburned and cut up on the inside, raised parts of his skin showing where something unearthly had once resided.

His hair was an absolute mess and everything about it felt….wrong. Billy never looked this...disheveled. 

Steve sat down at the furthest seat away from Billy, his bones stiff and sore as if he was sitting at a breakfast with his own parents. 

At the sound of the seat scrapping against the floor Billy turned. 

Steve almost couldn't stop the apology for the noise escaping his mouth, this was  _ Billy, not his dad.  _

Somehow that thought really made Steve feel safer. 

Steve watched as Billy wordlessly placed a mug down on the table next to him. His eyes were tired but not nearly as foggy as they had been. 

"You gonna get closer?" His voice sounded just as raw as Steve's had. 

Steve shook his head, Billy sighed and just pushed the mug of coffee closer to Steve. 

Billy ran a hand through his locks, snagging on the tangled strands. He clearly hadn't spent as much time as Steve had in the shower.

"Why are you sitting so far away?" Billy growled finally,  _ ah, there was that Billy Steve knew.  _

Thank heavens too, soft Billy made Steve nervous, it felt too much like the calm before the storm. 

"Because you'll hit me again." Steve offered. Reminding himself of earlier that morning. 

"Only if you're a dumbass!" Billy pointed out. 

"Exactly!" Steve gestured wildly at himself,  _ come on, even he knew he couldn't stop that side of himself.  _

Even he knew why he got punched a lot. 

"Just!" Billy choked, his hands clenching as he flung them up in exasperation. "Stop being so infuriating and answer my damn questions!"

"See!" Steve pointed out.  _ Punches galore.  _

"Stop stalling." He growled again, leaning in closer from his seat at the table. 

Steve let his eyes wander, "I'll answer one right now."

"No," he pointed a finger up at Steve threateningly, "no way, you're answering all-"

"Ill answer one!" Steve spat out petulantly. 

"Why not all!?" Maybe Steve understood why Billy liked to infuriate others, it was oddly….entertaining. 

"Because I have work, and if I get into everything-" Steve held out a hand to stop Billy from jumping in, "we will be here all day, and we can't have that!" 

"You seriously are going to go to work when- when-" he grabbed his hair and twisted in a way Steve had seen him do at the junkyard, "when I don-" 

"Hey! I'll answer one question! So ask Billy!" Steve pushed out, trying to pull Billy back from that junkyard, back from...whatever he had been in. 

He looked so...different then what he had been, sure Billy hadn't stayed the...same, since they first met, but...this was  _ new. _

"Fine! Fuck, you-" he sighed as if he just gave up, "ugh! Fine! Just fucking fine!" He threw his hands up. His eyes finally landing on Steve, his eyes so sharp. "What was that thing? In…" he paused his jaw working as if he was physically searching for the words in his mouth, "in- what I puked up!" He finally spat out. 

"I dont know." Steve blurted. 

"What!?" 

"Ah- ah! No!" Steve jumped up at Billy's fury, "I'm not lying! I really don't!" He threw his hands up as a peace offering. 

"Why are you backing up?" Billy pointed out, he really looked like a lifeguard, murderous face and all. 

"Cuz you're gonna hit me again!" 

"Yeah! Cuz you deserve it!" 

"No! Look Billy! I know about as much as you do! Kinda." Steve winced. Billy's eyes narrowed even further. 

"Kinda?" 

Steve winced even further, "yeaahh…"

"Yeaahhh?" He raised an eyebrow in response. 

Steve tastefully decided to stay quiet. Billy's mouth snarled.

"Then," his voice going dangerously low, enough to make a shiver run down Steve's back. "Pray tell, how did  _ you _ get it  _ out then?" _

Steve tried to not look at Billy as the words bubbled up, "I don't...know?" 

"That's it!" Billy snapped, standing up in his chair with fury. 

"Whoa! Whoa! Okay!" Steve jumped back his hands up trying to placate the other boy, "okay I understand you're frustrated." 

"Yeah no shit!" 

"And look! I'm just as frustrated as you!" Steve attempted. 

"Are you?" Billy snarled, his eyes so much sharper than they had ever been, like...like  _ that night. Rushing blood to his ears, his head panting and heat exploding across his face as hit after hit rained down. _

"Yes Billy! I am!" Steve finally snapped, just like all the other threads around him. 

"You think you're confused!? I'm confused!" He roared out, his voice catching at the pain in his throat. "I'm dealing with so much Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit! Every damn step is rigged with a trap and I don't even know what the traps do!" Steve screeched, his legs pushing him into pacing,  _ oh gods, he couldn't stop.  _

"I can't trust anyone!  _ Anyone _ Billy! I know theres fucking spies in this town! And for what!? Why!? And anytime I think I find an answer it just pushes me straight back to fucking square one!" Steve threw his hands up,  _ oh gods just stop, stop talking Steve! Shut up! _

"I find my hometown? Fucking nothing! And what do I get for it! Some creep touching me and I don't want it! I  _ don't! And I  _ _ know _ _ she doesn't care! After she called me- It's like everyone in this town thinks I'm a whore!"  _ The words spilling out, expelling out of him without control,  _ oh, oh and he was crying now! Great!  _

"Like! Why does Hopper have to bring up my dad's affairs!?  _ What!? _ He thinks I don't know about them!? I live with them! Of fucking course I know about them!" 

He couldn't stop and Billy was slowly sitting back down. 

"And then he had to go and give me fucking hope for answers! Fucking! Six, seven, three, fuck whatever age I was I dont even fucking know! And you know who doesn't know either!? Hopper!" Steve stamped his foot his breath leaving erratically,  _ it was really getting hard to breathe.  _

"And I don't get it! It's like everyone is out to get me! I don't know  _ anything _ _ ! I didn't know about Tommy! I didn't know about Jonathon! I clearly didn't know about Nance! I certainly don't know what the hell I did to Robin! Or why you cant just fucking calm down for a second Billy!"  _ He threw his hands out slamming them against the ornate table, not seeing Billy's body flinch away.

"And I don't know what the  _ fuck is happening! Got it! I don't know why I can do the things I can do! I just can! I barely even figured out how for fucks sake!"  _ His breath started to stutter and break. 

" _ I definitely do- dont know what the fuck the Upside Do-down is! But most of all! I don't know-"  _ Steve's voice failed as he stood there in the drowned silence. Billy's eyes were wide and watery and Steve was also broken. 

"Don't know what?" Billy choked out. His tears so close, threatening to spill. Steve didn't bother wiping the tears off his own cheeks. 

"I don't know who I am." Steve whispered back into the silence. Tears falling endlessly and his head ached enough for black spots to dance in his vision. He closed his eyes wanting to collapse, wanting to cry and hug his mother like he had when he was a kid, when he had had potential, before everything, back when his mother loved him. 

"You're Steve." Came Billy's voice, cutting through the air. 

"You're Steve, maybe not Harrington, but you're Steve, you're a babysitter, and kind of a tight ass. But…" Steve cracked an eye open to see Billy's hands shaking as he clasped them together, his eyes never lifting up. 

"You're good, you're just some poor sap that happened to get bought by some assholes, and who apparently can Carrie himself out of situations, and probably a disney princess."  _ Oh... _ was all Steve could think as a tear ever so elegantly slid down Billy's downturned face. The tear landing at the end of his nose. 

"You're Steve, got it!" Billy finally snapped back to himself, his hand reaching up and wiping away the evidence of his emotions. His eyebrows were tightly furrowed as if he was trying to paint a face of anger despite the bloodshot eyes. "Ain't nothing else to it, you're Steve and you're a cry baby!" He landed on and Steve couldn't stop the bubble of laughter even if he wanted to. 

He slowly sunk back into his chair letting his head land on the cool wood. His heart refused to calm as he laid there in the silence, his bones felt brittle. He felt like a puppet whose strings had been cut and whose script had been lost. And Billy….Billy was...something. 

"You're the only one I can trust Billy." Steve whispered ever so reverently, as if he was sitting inside a confessional; soft spoken words he knew would destroy him if he ever said them outloud. 

"Well then we're pretty fucked pretty boy." Steve slowly lifted his head to meet Billy's eyesight. His cool gaze ran down Steve's neck, trailing what Steve knew were the beginning of bruises.

Billy harshly jerked his head away. 

"You're fucked if you trust me." 

"Why?" 

"You don't even know me." Billy spat out, he still refused to look back at Steve, his hands still shaking. 

"You're Billy." Steve spoke in a hushed tone, watching as Billy's body froze. 

"You're Billy, maybe not so Hargrove," Billy snapped to Steve with wide eyes, glistening like jewels with the unwashed tears…

"You're a hard ass, and kind of a dick, but you're good, you apologized for your actions and you look out for others in your own weird way." 

"You don't know anything," 

"I think we already established that!" Steve hysterically laughed.

"You don't get it, you don't know what I deal with, I'm a monster that hurts people, I break things." Billy snarled out, and for once Steve could see it for what it was; a punishment, not a defence. 

"You're hurt, and sometimes hurt people like to break things." Steve whispered, knowing his own feelings.

"And how you know that!?" 

"Takes one to know one." Steve's breath left him as he finally looked up into Billy's eyes.

The air was dense and so oddly still, and yet Steve felt like he was being put up to face those tunnels all over again. Billy looked completely stunned and his eyes were travelling all over Steve and Steve had no idea what he was looking for. All Steve knew was he didnt want the moment to end, even when his palms began to sweat. 

"You really are crazy, pretty boy." Billy breathed out, as if the words were exhaled out just like the smoke he usefully puffed. 

Steve swallowed.

"Yeah I am, but.." he choked as he tried to gather his strength again, "but it seems like you have to be to survive this town." 

"Why not leave this place, whatever this hell is! We don't owe this place anything! We clearly are way over our heads! We ca-" 

"This isn't the first time." Steve finally admitted,  _ fuck was he really going to do this?  _

"What?" Billy hissed, leaning closer, his muscles more pronounced without a shirt. 

"It...its happened before." His eyes slowly dragged over to his living room, to a glass door and a neon blue glow.

"Okay, let's back up, you need to drink some fucking coffee, and I need some fucking answers." Steve nodded, glad to have Billy finally taking charge. Steve was exhausted, he was sick of everything

He just wanted to rest for a bit longer. 

"Let's get this straight, that-" Billy shoved the coffee mug into Steve's cold hands with a little excessive force. " _ Thing!  _ Has been here before?" Billy hissed. 

Steve kept his eyes on the glass, he didn't blink, he knew whose face he would see if he did.

"Yeah. But...well, never like that, I've…" Steve sighed, finally sipping at the coffee. "I don't know what's going on anymore." He finally admitted. 

"Yeah well, tough shit pretty boy, neither do I and you have more information than I do." Steve winced.

"Fair." 

"So this have anything to do with your dead girl?" Steve's head snapped to Billy's eyes, how calculated they were. 

"What?" 

"You know? The dead girl, and the zombie boy?" Billy raised an eyebrow. Steve gulped softly in response. 

"Don't call him that." 

"So it does." It wasn't a question. Steve didn't bother denying it. 

  
  


"How do you know that?"

"How does anyone not! I mean even I'm suspicious, some local kid goes missing in the woods, turns up dead but then is found back alive?" He flung his hands out, almost mimicking Steve's early outburst, "and all the while other people go missing, cuz of what? A chemical outburst?" His eyes were so painfully dark. 

"I know enough lies to know when something isn't the truth." Steve pondered on that. 

"Yeah...that...well, we call it the mindflayer."  _ NDA be damned, they were in this now,  _ _ together _ _ .  _

"The fuck is that?" Billy inched ever so closer as if the closer proximity to Steve he was the quicker the answers would come. 

"That's...well what that thing was." Billy nodded. " and yeah...it...it's the cause of those events."

"That's what your bat was for." Billy breathed. 

"Yeah." 

"Well fuck, guess I fucked that up." Billy snarled, his hands twisted around his arms in a way that couldn't be anything but painful. Steve itched to reach out, to grab his arms, to stop him from hurting himself. 

"We can make more, besides, I've got powers now!" Steve joked, the coffee mug staying his hands from wandering. 

Billy was silent at that, and Steve couldn't stop from watching his every move, he couldn't even place why he was so mesmerized. Maybe it was the fact that Billy knew; that Billy was the only one he could trust. Maybe it was because deep down inside Steve knew Billy would have crumpled and snapped under the weight of the Mindflayer like his bird had. 

"Is that why your parents bought you?" Billy's voice was rich and yet steady in the silent air. 

"I...I think so-yeah..yeah." Steve nodded, "I don't- I really don't know all of it...but...I don't think- just something triggered it- I wasn't always- I couldn't-" Steve stammered and Billy rolled his eyes.

"Jesus, you're a mess." Steve shrugged for good measure. 

"Yeah….but, I think we both are." Billy snorted at where he sat. 

"Okay, then game plan." Billy nodded to himself, "how do we take this bastard down?" His eyes were so sharp that Steve had to look away, heat flushing his cheeks.

He took a sip of his coffee. 

"We need to make sure everyone's in the loop, I gotta tell Nance and Jonathan." 

"Seriously!? Priss bitch and freak!?" 

"Hey! Don't call them that!"  _ Of course Billy couldn't stay civil, it just was too much of a miracle to ask.  _

"What the fuck they gonna do!?" Billy stood up, Steve could just imagine the steam rising off his skin from anger. 

"Help?" Steve flung his hands out, "look, there's a couple of us who've dealt with the Mindflayer before, and Jonathon and Nancy are my best bet to get everyone gathered and on the same page." He looked up at Billy like he had before, looking up through his eyelashes, he just-  _ he just needed Billy to go along with him for this, he just needed his support.  _

"Fucking- this is ridiculous!" Billy snapped turning away, "but fine! FINE!  _ Just fine! _ If you think they can help, I'm  _ suuure  _ they can help, and maybe while we're at it we can just ask that fucking demented thing to stop nicely with a  _ 'pretty please!'." _ Billy ranted, already stomping off to snatch some bread to eat. 

Steve sighed but slowly turned back to the glass sliding door.

"We just have to give them a message. And then we need to go to my work." 

"Okay, you know what, that's it, you're fucking crazy! Why again, do you need to go to work!?" 

"Because Dustin is gonna be there." Steve whispered, his eyelids slowly drooping for him to see a maze of red static, the distant words of,  _ 'Suzie, do you copy?' _ Ringing out in his head. 

"What!? Seriously!? Your fucking kid?" Steve licked his lips, finally turning to Billy. 

"He isn't my kid." Steve rolled his eyes. 

"But-" Steve froze, remembering back to that blur of a moment, those, ( _ hours? Seconds? Minutes?)  _ played out before him,  _ seeing Billy become entangled and snatched away, watching something ensnare him in its web and descend like the grim reaper coming to collect.  _

_ He hadn't seen anyone else. He hadn't seen  _ _ anyone else,  _ ** _except_ ** _ for  _ ** _Dustin._ **

_ If...if Steve could only mimic or copy what he had seen… _

Steve's blood slowly began to drain away from his face as it began to dawn on him what it all meant. 

_ If he could only copy, and he saw Billy and Dustin, that meant...that meant the Mindflayer could see right back. That meant the Mindflayer hadn't just seen Steve and his bird, hadn't just snatched Billy. It had  _ _ heard Dustin. _

"But…?" Billy questioned, his expression pinched as he eyed Steve waringly. 

  
"It knows about Dustin." Steve breathed ever so silently.  _ Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it! I'm sorry guys, this chapter is a bit of an exposition dump, and pretty dialogue heavy, but it needed to go through some things. 
> 
> And we are finally, FINALLY getting Billy into the main story, it took some time but we finally did it. I know it's not nearly as long as my usual chapters but i wanted to post something in the meantime. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy, I'm terribly afraid this chapter got away from me, and I kept feeling unsure about certain dialogue.   
Hopefully you enjoy, thank you for reading!   
Please let me know what you think!


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! I'm happy to announce I'm getting back on track! These past few months have been a bit of touch and go for a while, but I'm happy to say I'm finally feeling better, getting more inspired and finally finished finals. 
> 
> Again thank you all to everyone who comment, as a person DEEPLY insecure about their writing, every comment counts to keep me writing. I love writing since it helps me calm down or express myself but I'm constantly worried no one will like it or enjoy it, so all of the support has been so INCREDIBLY helpful. 
> 
> I really do hope you continue to enjoy my work so far, every single one of you are amazing.

Convincing Billy Hargrove to do anything was a damn near impossible task at the best of times. And honestly….now was not the...well it was most definitely a worst of times situation. 

Honestly Billy was more stubborn than Nancy, which was saying something since all the Wheelers had something fierce in them that wouldn't let them relent. 

Steve was pretty sure he would never meet someone who could outweigh them; he was wrong. 

But well anyways, convincing Billy to get in his car to find Dustin was damn near impossible if Steve hadn't pleaded and let Billy know that- yes, what happened to Billy could very well happen to Dustin. That finally was a big enough shove to get the other boy moving. 

That and the promise of more answers once they got going. 

Which was when Steve found out that, once again, he had left his car somewhere he could not remember. It was steadily becoming a horrible habit. 

His car had, had been towed an embarrassing amount of times. 

But Billy's camaro was faster so it worked out even if the front was clearly scratched and crushed. Steve knew he had hit something, he had seen it in his dream...but seeing the evidence in person was almost enough to make him sick. 

But Steve wasn't going to cry, he'd already cried too much for comfort in front of the other boy, hell, Billy even called him a crybaby. 

Steve hadn't needed any more kindle for that fire. He already threw a fit over having to wear Steve's clothes. 

And of course he had to have found the pink sweater Mrs. Wheeler had gotten Steve. Which had left Billy with a raised eyebrow and a tongue poking between his lips with a Cheshire smirk. 

Steve was more than disgusted and was quick to hide the sweater behind his bed. 

  
  


That was all beside the point, they needed to find Dustin, and Steve's best bet was his house, work be damned. Steve had a duty and it was protecting those kids no matter what! 

He knew his parents would find out. Mr. Tetiph was sure to alert them, he was gonna pay for it….oh...oh it was gonna be bad, he was gonna pa- it didn't matter! Upside down took priority no matter what! 

"Where the fuck am I going Steve!?" Came Billy's sharp snap. 

"Sorry, umm, turn right there, Dustin should be home." Steve mumbled. 

Steve had never been inside the camaro before. It rumbled underneath him in a way that made him feel like the car was going to unravel right there underneath him. 

"You're gonna turn left there." Steve guided. Dustin better be okay.

“So let me get this clear, you- saw this thing, and while that happened you happened to see your little nerd kid-”

“I heard him,” Steve interrupted. 

“Whatever- and that means that this- monster-" 

"Mindflayer." Steve supplied.

"Fucking whatever! Could hear him too?!" Billy snapped. Steve closed his eyes trying to descend into the abyss he had been to before. 

"Turn right up ahead." Steve mumbled and let his body sway with the Camaro's movements and the darkness. He couldn't possibly see Billy snap to his closed eyes and furrowed eyebrows, and yet Billy's blue gaze was heavier than anything else in the moment. 

"But- I think?" Steve pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, if he pushed hard enough he could just faintly see a red tinge bleeding across his eyesight, like blood flowing through cracks. 

"You think?" 

"Oh hardy har har, I'm dumb!" Steve finally reopened his eyes to just catch Billy snort in response. "But from my experience, I can only do things that someone else can do." 

"The Mindflayer." Billy stated.

"Yeah." Steve mumbled refusing to recall a small girl whose sharp eyes single handedly could make Steve freeze. 

  
  


"Okay so theoretically, you mimic it's powers so therefore whatever you saw it did too?" Billy grumbled, they were finally in Dustin's neighborhood.

"Theoretically? Since when have you been smart?" Steve wasn't going to admit that he didn't entirely know what theoretically meant. 

Don't get him wrong he knew it was like a metaphor. Probably. 

"One of us has to be." Billy quipped right back. 

He was surprised by how little that comment stung. His eyes landed on the Henderson household. 

"There Billy! That's the house!" Steve slammed his hand on the dashboard. Billy stayed thankfully silent as they slammed to a stop; Steve not even waiting for the Camaro to be in park to stumble out. 

"Steve! Wait- what-" 

Steve stumbled up the steps, his hands sweating as he slammed the doorbell. The shrill ring did nothing to help his nerves. 

"Yes! Yes! Dusty! Is that y- Oh! Steven! What are you doing here?" Oh thank heavens! Mrs. Henderson. 

"Hi Mrs. Henderson! Is Dustin here? I just- he came back from camp yesterday right?!" He rubbed his sweaty palms on his pants awkwardly, how did Steve act normal again? 

"Oh! I- shouldn't you have seen him already?" Her eyes were already widening and yup, they were both gonna become a mess of panic soon. 

"What do you mean ma'am?" Billy stepped forward taking charge of the conversation. 

"Oh! I'm sorry, I don't believe we've met, you are?" 

"Billy, Steve's," his blue gaze ran over Steve's form for a moment before looking back at Mrs. Henderson, " friend, we wanted to surprise...Dusty." he plastered on his winner smile. 

"Oh! I'm so sorry! You just missed him! He went to surprise you at your work Steven!" She beamed, a soft 'you too boys are so alike sometimes' went without acknowledgement. 

Steve immediately ran back to the camaro leaving Billy to give out the pleasantries. 

Steve was inside the Camaro within a blink, he honestly didn't remember getting inside but already his leg was bouncing as he sat with a thumb between his teeth as his palms beaded up. 

  
  


"The Starcourt mall." It wasn't a question but Steve nodded. 

* * *

It had been a while since Steve had last been inside the mall and honestly he had forgotten about the static bubble that blanketed the building. 

It was as if cotton was being placed in his ears when they got close enough. 

He forgot how much it felt like it dulled his senses. 

  
  


Thankfully Billy didn't seem to have the same reaction.

And sure enough there he was! Curly hair and all. 

Dustin sat inside Scoops Ahoy looking dejected to all hell with a radio in his hands and a USS Butterscotch in front of him. But more importantly, he was completely fine. 

"Dustin!" Steve stumbled into the icecream parlour gasping. Billy slowly following behind, like a delayed shadow. 

"Steve! Holy shit!" Dustin's familiar beaming felt a welcome home hug- well...well what Steve would imagine that felt like. 

"Dustin- are- you okay?" Steve instantly clambered into the booth next to his friend, already checking him over, shit, it was okay, Dustin was okay, they got there in time. 

"Steve? Wh- is that Billy?! Wait- what happened to you?!" Steve blinked, had Dustin grown? 

"Huh?" He intelligently supplied.

"You-" Dustin pointed towards Steve's neck and lightly traced his own neck for emphasis. Oh! Right...Bil- no- the Mindflayer had choked Steve. 

"That's- well-" 

"The fuck Harrington!" Came a sharp snap behind Steve, causing all three boys to jump. 

Steve whipped around to see Robin scowling with a scooper in hand. 

"So you just start skipping work now?" Her sardonic smile made Steve wince. 

"Oh...hey Rob-"

"Hey! be nice to Steve!" "Who the fuck is this?" Billy and Dustin both interrupted.

"-in, I was planning to come in you see, but something came up?" Steve attempted, biting his lip. 

He hadn't seen Robin this furious before. 

"Oh! Something came up huh!? Well that makes it all forgiven! My bad!" She bit out. Steve flinched at the sarcasm, he deserved that.

"I'm so sorry Rob-" 

"You fucking should be you dingus!" 

"Don't talk to him like that!" Dustin butted in once again, standing up in the booth for emphasis. Steve sighed at the display. At least Billy was thankfully keeping quiet- although the glare wasn't proving to say for much longer. 

"Shut it shrimp!" She snapped her fingers at Dustin. 

"You're lucky I even gave you that," she pointed towards the half melted icecream, "for free, you have nothing to speak about!" She hissed, her fury returned on Steve tenfold. 

"And you! The fuck! Leaving me to wo-" 

"Ah, Steven, you are here today." A deep rumble cleared Robin's rant. 

"Mr. Tetiph!" Steve squeaked out in surprise. He should have known Mr. Tetiph would've taken over his shift when he had gone AWOL. 

He could feel Billy shift closer to him as if he unconsciously was getting ready for a fight. 

"Get dressed, I'll be leaving now." He raised an eyebrow as if daring Steve to contradict him. Steve nodded, already standing up. 

"Yeah- I, um, sorry I don't hav-" 

"We have backup uniform in the back." Mr. Tetiph announced, already pushing both Robin and Steve aside to walk out. Steve gulped as he watched the lumbering man walk out. Robin scowled even further. 

"Okay, just- hold on!" Steve stood up pointing between Billy and Dustin, ignoring Billy's own indignite cry. 

"I'll be right back and then we can finish this up okay?" 

"Wait! You're not seriously going to leave me here with this psychopath!" Dustin's squawk shot through the static. 

"Who you calling psychopath, you twerp!" 

"Hold on! You are not! Going to leave me again to galavant with your," Robin glared over at Billy and Dustin already yelling at each other, "friends!" 

'I'm not a twerp!' 'Really? Could'a fooled me.' 

Steve sighed, "Rob! Please you gotta help me out here!" 'Why the hell are you even here!? You better not be hurting Steve!' 'Or what? What you gonna do? You gremlin?' 

"Hell no! You owe me Harrington!" She hissed. Shit. 

"I know I do Rob, I swear! I just- this is really important okay!" He begged, clasping his hands together for emphasis. 'I could seriously hurt you! The party could!' 'The party? Oh my god I'm so scared!' 

Her blue eyes finally ran over Steve and they snagged on the disheveled hair, the bruising and the old blood Steve hadn't manage to scrub away entirely. 

"What's going on Popeye?" She leaned in closer to ask. Steve sighed, scrubbing his sweaty palms on his pants again. 

"I'll try and fill you in too, just- I'll get dressed, okay!" Steve turned to face Dustin still atop the booth scowling at Billy who smirked with his tongue poking out; he looked like he was enjoying infuriating the younger boy way too much. 

"Just-" Steve turned back to his only sane person left with him, "please make sure those two don't kill each other or something?" 

Robin blanched in response, "you want me to babysit Hargrove and one of your kiddies?" 

"Yea…., well thanks! Bye!" Steve quickly scampered away before Robin could properly reject. 

Honestly Steve was glad to get away from the commotion, he needed the peace for a moment. Dustin and Billy's bickering, added with Robin's anger, and the static ambiance; Steve just needed a moment. 

He slumped as he reached the backroom letting the cool air hit the sweat that had started to bud up on his skin and on his forehead. 

He needed a plan, he got to Dustin, so- he just needed to alert the others, that was it! And then- he would have to fill in Billy...probably Robin t- no he could probably find a way around it. 

He really didn't want her in this mess. 

For all he knew she could become another causality….another Barb. 

Steve took a steadying breath. He would give her just...enough to make sure she would let him leave- or get Jonathon and Nancy here so he could get everyone on the same page. 

Pulling off his shirt he huffed as his throat ached.

He couldn't help but wonder why there was a backup uniform just like his own. 

He didn't pull up his socks, it would just add to the embarrassment. 

Thankfully Robin hadn't entirely abandoned him; she was still standing between Billy and Dustin in the booth (who was thankfully sitting now). 

Billy looked down right murderous, and when his eyes landed on Steve it only seemed to worsen his mood. 

"Okay, sorry, I'm b-" 

"Since when have you been hanging around Hargrove, Steve!? He's insane!" 

"I'm right here, you know!" 

"Steve! We're best friends! Party members! You have to tell me these things!" 

Steve pointedly ignored Robin's snort. 

"Dustin, look, just let it go okay, besides! You were at camp!" 

"So! That doesn't mean put yourself at risk!" Steve just groaned in agitation. Robin seemed thoroughly amused by the banter and Billy...he was still seething. 

"This doesn't even matter!" Billy roared, finally getting closer and slamming his palms on the table. 

"R-right! What Billy said!" Steve nodded, he needed to get back on track. 

"Dustin we- we have a code red." Steve leaned down and hissed, trying to make sure Robin didn't overhear. 

Dustin's eyes surprisingly didn't bulge out, nor did he jump up. In fact his reaction was disappointingly tamed to his usual attitude. 

"Is this about the Russians?" Dustin blurted out. 

"Russians?" The three teens questioned. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it! I'm happy to say this chapter took a bit becuase of finals but I'm finally getting back on track and we are GOING!  
Honestly I'm looking forward to this main group, boy do I have PLANS. Although it has been a struggle to try and figure out how to write so many characters in one scene. 
> 
> Anyways, please tell me what you think, thank you for reading!


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY! Here we are! I had a blast writing this chapter and I hope it reaches you all while you are all safe. 
> 
> I'm thinking of opening up some fics for the Black lives matter movement if anyone is interested. 
> 
> All you have to do is send me a receipt of your donations and I'll write an oneshot story of whatever you want. 
> 
> You can donate here:  
https://blacklivesmatter.com/contact/
> 
> As someone who has a heart defect, has a compromised immune system, and been current laid off there is only so much I can do during this time but I want to make sure I can help to the best of my ability. 
> 
> Everyone please stay safe and do what you can, we are all in this together.   
\----
> 
> I also wand to thank you all for the comments and support, all of you are amazing! Thank you for reading!

"Russians?" All three teens questioned. Steve shook his head trying to clear it in case the static had gotten to him. It didn't help with his neck ache or the slow pounding in his head. 

"Yeah russians!" Dustin exclaimed excitedly, but then leaning in closer as if he was instilling them with top secret information. Which wasn't exactly helping since the volume of his voice never seemed to drop. "I intercepted a radio call!" He hissed. 

"Since when have russians been a part of this!" Billy snapped, turning to Steve with a harsh glare.

"Shh!" Dustin snapped over at Billy, his finger getting dangerously close to Billy's face,  _ yeah any closer and Billy was definitely going to break it.  _

"I- no- I was talking about..._you know." _Steve tilted in, he couldn't _outright_ _say it! Robin was right there! And __way__ to invested in the russians conversation. _

"What? Steve you have to be clearer." Sometimes Steve hated Dustin's deadpanned face.  _ And they called him dumb.  _

"The- Up…" Steve drifted off meeting Robin's steely blue eyes, "Dustin come on! Where Dart came from!?" He tilted his head for emphasis. 

"The Upside Down?! Shit!" Steve threw his hands up in exasperation, what was the point of whispering if Dustin was just going to blurt it out! 

"What's the upside down?" Robin butted in, already sliding in by Steve's side to get closer. 

"Can it tits!" Billy growled out.  _ Oh no… _

"Oh fuck you!" Robin bit out. Steve had never seen her face so red before, "I have a name!" 

"Guys! Please!" Steve tried to get the two blondes from fighting, it was no use really. 

"Oh god Steve!" Dustin screeched, already throwing his hands up,  _ yeah there was the reaction he was expecting. " _ What happened!? That's a code red! We gotta tell the party!" He jumped back up on the booth. It strained Steve's neck to even look up at him.  _ Fuck he was getting a headache.  _

_ 'Does it look like a give a shit!' _ And now Robin and Billy were yelling at each other.  _ Great, just great.  _

Steve groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose, "Yeah! Exactly! That's why I said code red!"

  
  


"Shit that means we have the Upside down and Russians!" Dustin's face was impossibly pale-  _ huh...he really looked like his mom there.  _

Steve sighed to watch Robin gear up for a verbal assault. 

"Billy can you please call Robin by her name." Steve winced. 

Billy's double take was absolutely unwarranted. His glare even more so.

"I'll call your girlfriend whatever I want to call her." He snarled with more fire than Steve had seen in a while. 

"She's no-" Steve started "Ew gross! I would  _ NEVER _ date him!" Robin spat out, gagging at the thought alone. 

"Okay…" Steve tried to ignore the odd sinking of his stomach,  _ he knew he wasn't...well he wasn't top dog anymore or anything but he didn't think he was gag worthy. " _ I'm gonna take slight offense to that…" Steve finished.

"Yeah! Steve is an awesome dude! You'd be so lucky!" Dustin shouted out still on top of the booth. Billy's snort was not helping. 

"Not helping Dustin, but thanks bud." Steve smiled awkwardly. 

"I'm sorry! Are we just going to ignore everything about Russians?! What Russians?" Robin cut in, already slamming her hands on the table in an odd mimicry of Billy's earlier. 

"Right!" Steve latched back onto Dustin, "What about the russians? What did they say on this radio transmission?" 

"I don't know Steve, it's in Russian!"

"Sheesh sorry for asking!" 

"Does this matter at all?" Billy interjected, "Shouldn't we be worrying about-  _ oh I don't know _ \- that damn monster that attacked me?!"  _ Billy had a point. _ Steve didn't mean to point at him in agreement.

"You got attacked?" Dustin gaped.

"Monster?" Robin looked between Dustin and Billy, "What the fuck is going on?" Everyone ignored Dustin's questions of  _ 'how'd you escape?' _

"Yeah! We-  _ shit _ , we need to call Nancy and Jonathan- let the party know what's up." Steve slumped, luckily for him he still knew the Wheeler's number,  _ oh god how desperate did that make him sound?  _

"What about the russians?!" Dustin screeched out, they were lucky no one had decided to get icecream. "We could be in serious danger Steve!" 

"Ugh, fuck, fine!" Steve threw his hands up, already standing up, and moving towards the phone. "We'll call Hopper and tell him, he's got military contacts doesn't he?" 

Steve turned to Dustin for confirmation. 

"Okay seriously what the fuck is going on?" Robin looked an odd mix between intrigued and annoyed to hell. 

"Ugh! But...I wanted the glory…" Dustin whined. Steve just groaned again,  _ now was really not time to worry about this!  _

"Dustin buddy," Steve tried to sound as nice as possible as he picked up the phone. "We are not having another Dart situation!" 

"That saved our lives! He was faithful at the end!" Dustin rebutted.

Steve ignored the small 'Dart?' from Billy. 

"Doesn't matter!" Steve snapped his fingers at Dustin with finality. "I'm calling the Wheeler household and then Hopper! Understood?!" 

"I hate when you get in babysitter mode!" Dustin groaned, already sliding back down in his booth. 

"You mean he isn't always like this?" Billy questioned. 

Steve wasn't going to deal with them anymore, already calling up the Wheeler house line from memory. 

The line was busy. 

_ Shit!  _

He slammed the phone down on the receiver and redialed.  _ Come on! Come on! Nancy!  _

"Hello?" 

"Oh! Mrs. Wheeler!" Steve tried to ignore the snap of attention from Billy. 

"Oh, is that you Steven?!" 

"Yeah! Um-"

"Oh goodness Steven, how are you?! You were so terribly sick! I know I called your parents to make sure you were okay but they never said!"

"Wai-you called them?" 

"Of course! All parents would be worried sick about their kids!" 

"Oh…" Steve couldn't breathe,  _ that...that was how they knew to show up?  _

"Steven is everything okay?" Steve couldn't move,  _ why...why was he… _

The phone was snatched away from his hand. 

"Hello Karen?" Steve blinked to see Billy biting his lip as he took over. Steve felt himself shiver and shake himself out of his-  _ shock? Stupor? His dumb freezing up?! _

Steve could no longer hear Mrs. Wheeler's response but surprisingly the charm Billy usually put on wasn't arriving despite the  _ first name basis.  _

_ Something just felt…. _ _ wrong _ _ about that.  _

"Yeah! Uh!" Billy's eyes met Steve's own for a moment and that-  _ no! _ that was definitely red coming up to his cheeks!  _ Was...was Billy embarrassed?!  _

"Don't worry about it Karen!" He easily waved off whatever Mrs. Wheeler was...apologizing for? Steve suddenly wanted hands back on the phone call. 

"Yeah- just- listen Karen, I need you to tell Nancy-" Dustin was already on his radio behind him a code red call was being sent out.  _ He didn't know if anyone was going to get it...hopefully so. _

Steve let his eyes drift over to Robin who seemed absolutely mesmerized by the unfolding chaos. 

Steve couldn't blame her; the Upside Down tended to do that to you. 

"No listen, Karen, you don't need to explai-" Steve snapped back to Billy who looked increasingly more and more mortified by the second. 

Honestly, he didn't remember snatching the phone back out of the other boy's hands. Just...he seemed to do a lot of moving without thinking lately…

"-and really I am sorry, you just- you have to understand that was really dumb of me- you're a good kid and you- you shouldn't be doing this Billy! I couldn't even imagine- goodness you're the same age as my Nancy!" Steve couldn't breathe, Billy's wide eyes latched onto Steve's brown and they stayed frozen, all Steve could do was listen. "I would never forgive a parent who did that to my kid! Listen to me Billy! This was a horrible mistake! And I'm so sorry for everything, I don't know what on earth got into me in that moment. Look I'm- I'm so very worried, you're so young! Please Billy, don't- don't- you deserve better than that! Than old women-  _ that well I guess women like me-  _ who clearly aren't going to be good for you!" Steve choked. 

He couldn't stop staring at Billy, frozen in his spot and even more horrifyingly Billy was just as pale and still. 

"Mr-Mrs. Wheeler?" Steve finally managed to choke out and Billy ducked his head down. 

_ 'Where did he touch you?'  _

Steve gulped, slowly bringing his head back down. He didn't hear Mrs. Wheeler's surprised gasp of his name. He didn't notice the stammer and backtrack of her words, all he could do was hear his own mother's icy words ringing through his ears. Reverberating endlessly inside his mind, until they overpowered the static in a cacophony of screeches. 

_ 'Where did he touch you?'  _

  
  


"Mrs. Wheeler, just tell Nancy that the Upside Down is back. She'll know what that means." Steve pushed out. 

"Steven? What? I'm-"

"Please promise me Mrs. Wheeler." Steve whispered, his knuckles white from squeezing the phone too tight, and yet Billy wasn't moving yet. 

"Of course Steven, just- please is Billy there I-" 

"No." Steve gasped out, Billy's eyes looking up at Steve wild in place. 

"No you can't talk to him. Tell Nancy, Mrs. Wheeler, no matter what."

"Of course, of course I will! Steven, will- will you tell Billy-" Steve hung up the phone, just looking down at it and Billy watched him looking like he could bolt at any minute. 

_ How was it that the mindflayer had become the least of their worries? _

"She- umm...she say anything?" Billy's voice was uncharacteristically quiet.  _ Fragile.  _

Steve shook his head, "just asked some things."

"Like Mr. Scott?" Billy's voice cracked and Steve slowly lifted his eyes to meet understanding staring right back at him. 

"Yeah…" he breathed out, barely above a whisper. Bully nodded as if trying to brush off the whole thing. 

"Well sucks for you, I get hot moms and you get creeps!" Billy sniffed, already turning to leave. 

" _ Bullshit _ ." Steve whispered to the air. Billy didn't gleam that with a response and Steve didn't know what else to say; Billy was already gone, heading over to Dustin. 

Steve sucked in a steadying breath and started dialing the station's number. 

  
  


"Hello! Hawkins police!" Came a scratchy voice. Steve swallowed to get himself back in track. 

"Hi! Um, Mrs. Jones?" 

"Steven Harrington? What are you calling about?" Steve winced, right,  _ down to business.  _

"Um, is Chief Hopper there?" 

"Chief? No. Jim isn't here, you need help with something?"  _ What?  _

"What do you mean? Um- I really need to talk to Hop." 

"Well I'm sorry sweetheart but he isn't here. If you have a problem you can tell me now, or come in-  _ hey Flo! We got a situation on-  _ I'm quite busy here Steven." 

Steve flinched, looking back at Dustin who was already pulling out some kind of device. 

"I- yeah, can you make sure a message gets to the Chief?" 

"Yeah I'll tell officer Callahan." 

"N-no, no! It really needs to go to the Chief, as soon as possible!" Steve pushed. 

"Uh huh, I'm sure it does sweetheart, but the ch-"

"Florence! Please this very important! Just- please make sure Chief gets the message of-" Steve froze trying to figure out how to word it, "it's back, what was in the Summer, it's back, and-"

"Look darling, I really don't have time for pranks-"

Steve shook his head from frustration,  _ why did it have to be so difficult.  _

"It's an emergency Mrs. Jones, make sure he gets that message okay, tell him-" Steve froze,  _ if he mentioned russians there was  _ _ no _ _ way Florence Jones was going to take it seriously.  _

"Just tell him- tell him that it's back, tell him I said it." 

"Sure, I'll do that. Whenever he gets back, goodbye Mr. Harrington." The dial tone sounded out and Steve slowly let it slide back down to the receiver. They...they were on their own. 

Hopper was...gone, and Nancy would  _ hopefully _ get the message from her mom- which was starting to make Steve want to gag to think about. 

The Russians were on them to figure out, whatever it was they were saying. 

Nancy and Jonathan would get the message, make sure everyone knew, and everyone here would figure out what was going on with the Russian message so Steve could properly tell Hop.

Steve looked over at the phone, his throat ached as he swallowed again,  _ maybe...maybe he should call the Byers just in case...he didn't know their number by heart but- Dustin probably did.  _

"So is no one going to answer any of my questions?" Robin finally sounded up. Steve turned back to where they were all compiled at the booth. 

"What?" Billy rolled his eyes at Steve's comprehension skills. 

"I mean- whatever, I'm bored- are we going to play the russian message or what?" She folded her arms and stared Steve down. 

_ Why did Steve attract the most stubborn people in the world?! _

"I- well-" 

"Yeah Steve! We need all the help we can get if we want to break this message! Who knows what's going on!" Dustin blanched at the subject, his hands coming up to grip his hat tightly. 

Steve ignored Robin's  _ 'I dont _ ' from under her breath. 

Billy groaned, "is this really top priority?" His eyes didn't meet Steve. 

"I mean...Nancy will get her message, and you sent out a code red right?" Dustin nodded, tugging on his lip between his teeth. 

"I sent it out, but no replies, we'll keep trying." 

"Okay...okay, and well- Hop is  _ gone to god knows where!  _ So we- I guess we are the only ones who can figure out the russian?" Steve intoned at the end, reaching an octave higher.  _ Leadership really wasn't for him.  _

"But why do we care about the russians?" Billy hissed. 

Steve blinked at the question. 

"Because the Russians could be causing this!" Dustin was quick to butt in. 

"How so?" Steve asked,  _ honestly he wasn't entirely sure the russians were worth it anymore. The mindflayer was  _ ** _way_ ** _ more dangerous wasn't it?  _

"Causing what?" Robin sighed almost tiredly, everyone ignored her half hearted questions. 

"Well, the Upside Down doesn't- it can't be here without a gate right?" Dustin pointed at Steve as if Steve even had any comprehension of what was happening. 

"I guess?" 

"Gate?" Billy groaned. 

"Yeah! A gate! That's how it works!" Steve glanced over at Robin who was  _ definitely  _ not leaving any time soon. 

"Uhh, yeah, they're like….where that- that  _ thing  _ came from." Steve winced trying to downplay it to Billy who only narrowed his eyes. 

"Yeah, and when you shut the gate, everything that's from the Upside Down dies!" Dustin nodded.

"That true?" Billy asked. 

Steve shrugged in response. Honestly he didn't know if anything Dustin said was right,  _ but hell _ , the kid was the brains in this duo, and probably understood way more than Steve could even hope to. 

"So...there's a gate?" Robin questioned, leaning in closer,  _ and yup there was Billy's scowl. He clearly didn't like her.  _

"You don't even know what's happening, so butt out." Billy snarled. Steve wondered if that was all Billy could do now a days. 

"Does anyone here know what's being said?" She huffed, crossed her arms and well…

"Good point." Steve whispered offhandedly. Of  _ course _ that got him a pointed and bewildered glare from the other teen boy. Steve shrugged again,  _ she was right!  _

"Well anyways, there's a gate! And we stopped- well El stopped them last time so what if it's the russians!?" Dustin slammed his hands down on the booth for emphasis and honestly it seemed to rattle everything in Steve's head. 

_ Shit, that...that sounded almost...right!? _

"Well shit…" Steve breathed and Billy's mouth twisted further than a scowl. 

"So we gonna listen to the message or what?" Robin smirked, clearly more enthused than the other guys were. 

"Yeah! I have it recorded but-" Dustin then quickly scanned around the empty parlor and then to the outside crowded mall, "maybe we should be more discreet?" 

Steve nodded at that, "yeah...definitely," he  _ knew _ there were spies in Hawkins. "Why don't we use the back room?" Steve prompted. 

"Sounds like a plan to me popeye!" Robin was quick to stand up already herding Dustin to the back room ignoring Billy's hard glare following her.

_ Who knew there was someone even more stubborn than Billy Hargrove.  _

Steve paused there, slowly letting his eyes drift to the other boy. Billy looked...off put, as if he was on the wrong color channel on tv. He kept his eyes focused on the table before him and he looked so wrong without his pristine image curls he usually had them in. 

Steve swallowed the pain he felt on his neck.

"Billy...about Mrs. Wheele-" 

"Shut up, Steve." Billy stood up choppily. 

He didn't even glance Steve's way when he brushed by him and headed into the back room, leaving Steve alone in the static and the low humm of the music playing from the stereo. 

Steve wanted to scream, he wanted to curl up, he wanted to cry. 

Instead he followed after Billy. 

  
  


* * *

The tape recorder seemed inconspicuous enough but then Dustin pulled out books of the Russian alphabet and  _ that _ was weird. 

_ Clearly Dustin had been more prepared than he had implied. _

Robin looked psyched, even mentioned how she knew a few other languages herself. 

Billy just seemed unimpressed. 

"Okay, here we go, I figure we just have to transcribe what they say and then translate from there?" Dustin looked up and surprisingly it was at Robin who nodded with a smile. 

Steve had never seen her so excited to work before.

Dustin clocked a button and suddenly the static filled up the room along with his head. 

It was shaky and loud and clicked and yet Steve found himself entranced. 

The words were...familiar, they were words he had heard before...but they had never had these meanings. 

Steve was, pulled in by the message, sure the words felt cold and yet familiar but there was a song playing in the background. It was like a lullaby, chords plunking into a steady tune that grated and scratched at Steve's mind. 

He had heard that song before, he was sure of it. 

In someway it was more familiar than the words that were being spoken. 

And then a final click and the message was gone. 

"Well that didn't make any sense!" Steve blurted out. 

"Well duh! It's in russian!" Dustin berated, already moving a book with odd symbols over it to Robin to look at.

"I mean...yeah," Steve sighed, he got that,  _ he knew that it was another language okay, it was just… _ "but like...I thought Russian sounded different." He landed on, " And what's that song?" He asked hoping one of the others would know why the song sounded so familiar. 

Judging by their faces they didn't. 

"Wow real astute Harrington." Robin snorted, going back to the book. 

"No I just mean-" Steve blinked, trying to get them to understand, the symbols were so strange, they  _ had to sound different, there was no way they just meant different things!  _

_ Wasn't- wasn't languages supposed to sound alien? _

"Steve please we need to figure this out! Leave this to the brains okay?" Dustin sympathetically commanded and well  _ didn't that just hurt. Even if he was right.  _

"Hey I'm not-" Steve winced, " well…" 

"Don't be an ass!" Billy cut in, snapping at Dustin, who thoroughly didn't care at all anymore. 

"Says you!" Robin bit right back, steve wanted to scream again,  _ why did these two hate each other!? _

Steve was sure he wasn't going to get an answer, because honestly, why did Billy dislike anyone? 

"Look, all I was gonna say was, why do they keep mentioning a cat?" Steve pushed out, because  _ hey, different language or not, wasn't this supposed to be a secret code or super secret message?  _

"Wh- what?" Dustin looked up confused and  _ yeah! Steve was lost too!  _

"Excuse me?" Robin raised a pointed eyebrow. 

"Wait! Everyone shut up! Especially you tits!" Billy snapped his fingers for everyone's attention, even pointing at Robin at the end. 

"Her name's Robin." Steve tiredly supplied. 

"My name is Robin!"

Billy waved off both of their remarks, zoning in back at Steve and Steve had to duck his head from the scrutiny. "Repeat that, right now, what do you mean cat?" 

"It's just...I mean-" Steve threw his hands up in frustration, "I thought Russians spoke another language didn't they? Like I didn't think they said our words and they just had different meaning? And that song!"  _ Because honestly the song bugged him the most. It felt significant, prominent, world shattering like the click of his mother's heels.  _

"Different meaning?" Robin questioned, even turning around in her chair to face Steve full on. Steve didn't like the attention surprisingly. 

"What's the music have to do with anything?" Dustin asked. 

"Yeah like-" Steve stumbled, he glanced over at Billy for help-  _ right...they weren't- Billy was probably annoyed with Billy right now.  _ Steve looked back over at the tape recorder, "like cat? What? And what the hell do the colors blue and yellow have to do with it?" He thrust his hand out at the offending machine.

Weren't codes from super secret spies meant to use numbers? 

"Steve," Billy called his attention to his own blue eyes. They were way too focused, too zoned in, "I'm gonna play this again, and I need you to repeat it back to me, okay?" Why did his voice sound so...so even, so careful? As if Steve had been the one that had had an uncomfortable situation with one mot-  _ yeah! Nope! Bad steve! Stop thinking about it!  _

Steve shook his head rapidly to clear away his thoughts; all it did was make his brain feel like jello inside his own skull. 

Steve tried to shake away the distinct image of gore knitting itself around Billy. 

"What? Why? What's-" he finally met back with Billy's blue eyes, "am I wrong?"

"Not at all pretty boy, just- do as I say." Billy commanded, a small uneven smile slowly playing on his cracked lips. 

"Pretty boy?" Robin hissed looking mortified. Steve could understand, Billy's names weren't...the  _ most flattering.  _

"Shh!" Billy picked up the tape recorder, snatching it away from Dustin, ignoring his cry of indignation. 

His thumb pressed the button and Steve tried to follow along. "The week is long,-ugh that music! It's bugging me!" Steve rubbed his temple repeating the melodic words that came out of the static. 

"Just forget the music for now okay- finish it up for me." 

"Fine, umm, the silver cat feeds? When blue meets yellow in the west?" Steve finished the words, repeating them back to Billy but he clearly didn't look convinced of whatever he was trying to prove. "Like the fuck does that mean? It's nonsense!" Steve supplied. 

"Is this a prank?" Robin huffed, her cheeks were slightly redder than usual. 

"Yeah!" Dustin barked. 

"How on earth did you get cat out of that?" She gestured wildly towards Billy's hand.

"What do you mean? It says cat! Right there!" Steve pointed back at the device just as adamit.  _ Didn't they hear it?  _

"Wha- how did you get that?" Dustin asked, Billy was uncharacteristically quiet during the whole exchange.

"I mean that's what it says! The week is long, and a cat, with yellow meeting blue? West? I just- the music though…" Steve ranted, getting annoyed, how did they not hear cat or the colors!  _ And the damn Music!  _

"Shut up about the music popeye! We have  _ WAY _ more pressing matters right now!" Robin smacked the table angrily.

"Shut the fuck up freckles!" Billy snapped at Robin, he looked absolutely crazed in his anger, the fire back to his eyes. Steve could understand the sentiment. 

"I swear to god Hargrove, my name is Robin!" She threw right back at him.

"Guys! Please! Can we calm down!" Steve whined, the yelling was not doing good for him anymore.

"No! We can't!" Robin griped right back, always so quick to fight, "Becuase the fuck! Since when can you translate fucking russian!?"

"What? What are you talking about?" Steve's head was really hurting here. 

"What do you mean what am I talking about?" 

"Yeah Steve...you don't just- I mean it doesn't even  _ sound  _ like it's saying cat in there." Dustin slowly pulled the book back to himself, he started flipping the pages rapidly.

"I mean yeah it sounds weird-" steve tried to reason,  _ yes it sounded different but- they were the same words!  _ "like not normal but that's what it's saying!"

"Steve? What do you mean weird?" Dustin leaned closer, looking way too interested for comfort. 

"I mean when words sound different but mean the same thing?" Steve growled out, his cheeks were aflamed and his hands were getting sweaty again from agitation.

"The fuck?" 

"Dustin! Language!" Steve cried, bringing his hand to his forehead in anger. 

"Shut up," suddenly oh too hot hands were on Steve's arms tugging them away from his face and making Steve's brown eyes meet blue, "look at me princess, I need more information here. Explain it better." Billy commanded

" _ Princess?"  _ Robin furrowed her eyebrows impossibly further. 

"I- I don't-" Steve stammered, leaning away from Billy's grip, and yet he could pull away. "You  _ know!" _

"Is this like when the letters move?" Billy raised an eyebrow at Steve, who blinked in surprise at the question. 

_ He...he didn't think so?  _

Steve blinked again trying to think if it was like that, "I- I don't think so?" 

"Letters move?" Dustin hastily asked, trying to get closer to Billy and Steve, looking oddly protective. 

"Do you understand any of this? Or are you all crazy?" Robin asked, her eyes flickering between the three guys.

"It's like- when you say amigo! That means friend! Or when you say violet or purple, it's the same fucking thing! Words sound different but they mean the same thing! Like cinnamons!" Steve finally managed to spit out, finally pulling away from Billy's heat. 

He turned to Dustin instead. 

"Cinnamon?" Billy tilted his head at Steve, he backed away awkwardly, rubbing his hands against his jeans.

"You mean synonyms?" Dustin lifted a finger up as if he had found something brilliant. 

"That's what I said!"

"It's really not." Robin shook her head. 

"Like they mean the same thing!" 

"They really don't." She huffed on the edge of laughing. 

"Are you telling me you think other languages are just….synonyms?" Billy gaped looking like he too was on the edge of laughter.

"Oh my god." Robin dropped her head into her hands. 

"I mean...aren't they?" Steve whispered. The shame building up in him made him feel foolish. Maybe he shouldn't have brought it up. 

"That is literally the dumbest shit I've ever heard." Robin groaned. 

"That's genius!" Dustin exclaimed, his eyes sparkled with absolute adoration and honestly Dustin was a gift.  _ This was why Dustin was his favorite. _

"Not where I was going with that, but sure why not, everything else doesn't make sense anyways." Robin threw her hands up in annoyance. 

"You know what Buckley! You can go!" Billy barked at the girl. 

"Oh so you do know my name!" 

"Yeah and I'm telling you to get your ass out of here!" And Billy and Robin were back at it again,  _ great. _

"No way! She's smart! We need her brain!" Dustin stood up snatching the tape recorder off the table where Billy had placed it. 

"Why in the fuck do we need her brain, we already know what the russian says!" Billy pointed out and Steve took an unsteady step back. He was surprisingly so cold now that Billy had moved away from him. 

"No we don't! It's not like it makes sense!" Robin argued right back.

"Yeah then why do we need You! Here!" Dustin screeched at Billy, his voice cracking awfully. 

"Tough tits gremlin," he didnt look over at Steve but was quick to grab Steve's arm, the heat was almost scolding in the cold backroom, "your babysitter and me are a package deal now I don't make the rules." 

"Gross Hargrove." Robin balked at Billy.

"Billy he's thirteen." Steve half heartedly protested,  _ what was with him and saying tits now?  _

"Hey! I'm on your side, and he said fuck first!" Steve sighed at Billy's childishness. 

Steve shook his head.

"So are we just gonna gloss over the fact that dingus here aparently knows Russian?" Robin flung a finger over at Steve. 

"I- I didn't think I di-" Steve's voice froze inside his sore throat.

Billy stepped in front of him, blocking his view of Robin. "Is this part of your…" he lifted his hand and wiggled his fingers at Steve.  _ OH! The powers! _

Steve tried to cool down the blush that was starting to paint his face. 

"I- maybe?" Steve shrugged, his head  _ was  _ pounding…

Billy nodded to himself and turned back to Robin with a nod, "he just does," he supplied crossing his arms like a bodyguard. Dustin blinked in surprise. 

It was kind of... _ nice _ to see Billy being... _ protective?  _ Maybe not that, but something close? Even if it wasn't needed. 

Robin frowned, but brushed it off finally, "whatever, just tell us again what this says." She ordered standing up and walking over to the white board she had written down Steve's scoreboard. There was only the one tally under 'you suck'. 

Steve had almost forgotten about the scoreboard. 

Robin looked at it for a second longer than normal then wiped it clean. She then pulled off the cap of a marker to star writing. 

"Go on." She motioned her hand to tell Steve to hurry it up. 

Steve glanced at Billy who still was scowling at his coworker. 

"Umm, can I hear it again?" Steve mumbled feeling unsteady in his own place, glancing over at Dustin to press the play button again. 

Dustin nodded, already pressing the button. 

Again the sound flowed through Steve's brain, dancing behind his eyes he hadn't even realized he had closed. 

In the back of his mind he could hear the familiar click of his mom's heels. 

Then it was washed away in an instant by the mechanical lullaby. Steve furrowed his eyebrows in concentration. 

"I- sorry that song is really bugging me." Steve huffed. 

"Just focus." Billy's voice was surprisingly close making Steve flinch back a moment. 

He nodded, and started listening again. "The week is long, the silver cat feeds? When blue meets yellow in the west. A trip to...umm, China, sounds nice, if you umm...if you tread lightly?" Steve finished, finally opened his eyes back up. 

Robin had already moved and written what he had said on the scoreboard. 

Dustin read it over but Robin was no longer looking at the words, instead uncannily staring at Billy. Her eyes unreadable in that moment. Luckily Billy didn't seem to notice, instead also reading the message Steve had repeated. 

"China?" Dustin questioned softly pulling up the pages he had had open. 

"Yeah, I mean...that's what it means…" Steve shrugged feeling so...off…

_ 'Are you ready to go home Steven?'  _

Steve shook his head at the image of concrete in his mind.  _ Where had he heard that lullaby?  _

"It's definitely encoded." Robin finally turned away to the words Dustin was studying. 

"So it could mean anything…" Billy groaned annoyed. 

  
  


"Definitely." Robin huffed. 

Already standing up to flip through the pages her self when a loud shrill bell sounded through.  _ Shit… _

Steve opened the back window to glance at the counter to see one Erica Sinclair slamming her hand on the call bell repeatedly. 

"Aw shiiiiii…" 

"Hello! I want to taste test a flavor!" Steve groaned as he shut the window right as Erica met his eyesight. 

"Your turn dingus!" Robin cheerfully smirked, waving him away. 

Steve whined a bit in frustration, and nodded. 

Surprisingly Billy followed. 

Steve loved kids,  _ he did, _ just…. _ sometimes,  _ kids were absolutely awful. 

Steve hated dealing with Erica Sinclair and her posse, they only stayed to get samples of every flavor and left. 

See that would've been okay, if she hadn't decided to do that  _ every single day. _

Steve took a deep breath and smiled at Erica and the other girls. 

"Okay! Which flavor!" He pressed his voice cheerfully. 

He didn't notice Erica's sharp dark eyes run over his neck and then Billy who was currently standing like a shadow in the doorway to the back, arms crossed. 

* * *

  
  


Erica finally left an hour later, Steve never understood how they could drag out taste testing for so long. 

Steve sighed in relief as the parlor once again became silent except for the over head music and the soft murmur of Dustin and Robin theorizing. 

Steve gulped as Billy still leaned against the doorway looking like a body guard. 

Steve had so much he wanted to say, and yet the words eluded him. 

He felt like he was coughing up smoke, nothing becoming tangible enough to reach the other boy. 

"Umm…"

"If you've got something to say, spit it out." Billy's cold gaze no longer held warmth. 

"Why were you over by the abandoned steel works warehouse?" Steve finally choked out, he didn't want to stare Billy down, hell he really didn't want to keep his gaze. 

But he knew if he didn't, Billy might vanish. 

"What's it matter?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Was that what Mrs. Wheeler was talking about?" Steve guessed. It seemed odd, the steel works was out of the way of Hawkins, it wasn't a place most just passed by on happence. 

Billy's face was answer enough, his knuckles white and his eyes pointedly looking away, so deadly still. 

"Maybe I went to go meet her." He finally bit out, flinching as if the words physically hurt him to say.

"Why did you go to meet Mrs. Wheeler?" Steve cautiously asked, still keeping his distance. 

"Because I wanted to." He snarled at Steve, all fire back and taking a step towards Steve. 

Steve held his ground. 

"Did you really?" He whispered and Billy did a double take, there looked to be tears in his eyes threatening to fall and yet they never did. 

He shook his head with a huffing laugh, it didn't seem jovial at all. 

"Maybe, I did." He went back to his spot at the door, and the parlor went back to feeling beyond empty, as if everything around Steve had vanished and died. 

Steve slowly looked down at the counter top and the icecream. 

He felt gutted and yet empty at the same time, like the rug had been pulled out from beneath him and instead of falling on the ground hard he just floated. 

He slowly took another breath to steady himself, he hoped his throat would stop throbbing anytime he talked or swallowed, but knowing his luck it would be awhile before it did. 

"So we keeping your little magic tricks secret?" Billy's voice cut through the air. 

Steve glanced back at him. 

"I- I dont think it- well…" Steve looked down thinking, shrugging, "I kind of don't...want to tell, I don't- I like being normal." 

Billy snorted, "None of this is normal." 

Steve flinched at that,  _ shit he just wanted to pretend again.  _

"Yeah...I know…" 

"Well whatever, I don't care," he huffed annoyed, "but you are gonna answer my questions now?" 

Steve finally glanced back to Billy and blinked. 

"Oh! Right, yeah, umm ask away." 

"Yeah what is the Upside Down." He asked getting closer to Steve. 

"Uhh, it's...it's sorta like a, uhh, another world? I guess?" 

"You guess?" 

"It wasn't ever really cleared up." Steve shrugged, trying to make Billy understand. 

"You ever been there?" His eyes were still sharp yet curious.

"Yeah…" Steve whispered, bringing his eyes down, remembering the cold dank tunnels squeezing in on him. The clogging ash whisking up in the air and choking everything around them. The air so cloying and cold, cold enough to burn, cold enough to sting his skin. 

"Yeah I have, only once though." Billy hummed in thought. 

"What's it like?" He came closer. 

"Cold." Steve breathed, "so cold it burns, like you will never find warmth again." Billy turned to lean his back on the counter, looking back towards the back room. 

"What is the mindflayer?" He asked, slowly tilting his head towards Steve. 

"Umm, from what I understand, it's like...something that can...control other things, like possess them?" Steve thought back to the red web coating Hawkins. 

"So...how'd you get dragged into this?" He lifted an eyebrow and Steve finally looked back to him. 

"Oh, I guess through Nancy." He answered, bringing a hand up to scratch the back of his neck. 

Billy only scowled. 

"She uh- turns out she and Jonathan were hunting down the demogorgon and I just happened to walk right in the middle of it." 

"Demogorgon?" Billy blanched, looking a little amused by the word. 

"Yeah...it's, it's another creature from the Upside down," Steve winced, "that's what killed Barb and took Will Byers." 

It became silent again and Billy looked away from Steve. 

"Okay...and just by  _ chance,  _ you happen to have abilities that can stop this?" 

Steve snapped up to glance at Billy in shock. 

"What do you mean?" Billy shrugged. 

"Just seems suspicious is all."  _ It did. _

Steve looked him over and it was weird to see him in Scoops Ahoy, he looked too out of place to belong, too tan, too golden. 

"You're taking this pretty well, I was a total mess when I found out about it all." 

"Yeah well, I did have a giant flesh demon stuff its tongue down my throat." Steve gagged at the comment. 

"W-was that what it did?" He puffed out a breath, feeling sick to his stomach at the thought of that happening. Billy jerkily nodded, as if it was more of a flinch then a nod. 

Steve looked back towards the entrance where the crowded mall started. 

  
  


* * *

Honestly, there was no way they were going to get through a code just by thinking about it, no matter how long they poured over it. To think otherwise was foolish and Billy was prominent in making sure they all knew that. 

Dustin still thought Steve knowing russian was suspicious, suspicious enough that he even forgoed radio calling in a code red. 

Surprisingly Steve got no notice if anyone got his message, no one called or even showed up,  _ in some twisted way Steve felt abandoned.  _

Billy was quick to throw Nancy under the bus.  _ 'Of course Priss Bitch wouldn't show.' _

_ 'We don't know if she even got our message Billy!' _

It didn't matter anyways, their shift was over and luckily Georgia was too enthralled with flirting with Billy to notice the oddity of the situation, although their flirting was a bit obnoxious much to everyone's annoyance.

But they could leave, and leave they did. Dustin having written the message on a legal pad and erasing their notes on the whiteboard, leaving no trace of their study session. 

Steve was antsy, too shaky to even walk normal, every loud scream from a child in the mall echoed too loud. Steve was scared, why hadn't he received any more visions? What was the mindflayer doing? Had it moved from the Steel Works? 

Steve felt sick and everything made him flinch back, his hands reaching and grabbing for a nonexistent bat. 

He was too scared to let Dustin and Robin leave his sight,  _ what if the Mindflayer came after them? And why wasn't anyone coming to Steve's code red?! _

"I mean it's clearly a code, but we just can't figure out what it all means!" Dustin butted in with pure frustration as they walked towards the entrance of the mall, everyone thankfully staying close together. Robin too was nodding but her eyes would occasionally cautiously flicker to Billy. 

Steve hoped she didn't have a crush on him too, he didn't think he could handle annoying flirting; watching Georgia do it was awful enough. 

It was then when Steve heard it; the mechanical plucking of strings that resembled a lullaby. 

Steve froze on the spot, everyone else walking by, Billy being the first to notice his absence. 

Steve ignored their stares, they're questions of what was it, all he could do was search,  _ where was it coming from?! Where was the song playing!?  _

His body was vibrating out of control and he kept spinning looking for that melody. 

_ Where was it!? _

_ Where was it!? _

_ Where was it!?  _

_ There! _

Steve was moving before he consciously knew why. 

It was there, a little girl with her mother on a little horsie ride. The song drifting through the crowds and Steve stood stock still staring at the source of it all. 

"Steve buddy? You okay?" Dustin's warm hand grabbed his own, his curly hair coming into view as he stepped in front of him. 

"Dustin..play the tape." Steve whispered. Robin looked bewildered and even Billy looked lost. 

"What!? Steve! No! What if someone hears?" 

"Dustin! Please, play the tape!" 

"Why!?" Dustin pulled away from Steve. 

"Just- give it here!" Steve grumbled, his body desperately moving to tug the tape recorder out of his hands.

"Steve what the hell!?" 

"Hey! Get off him!" Robin butted in also stepping a foot forward to stop Steve, but he couldn't stop, he needed to hear the tape.

"Hey, back off!" Billy pushed Dustin back from Steve and if it had been any other time Steve was sure he would have snapped at Billy for that. 

But in that moment, it didn't matter, he had the tape recorder in his hands and he fumbled to get it to play. 

Sure enough the voice came through and  _ there it was! The song!  _

"Steve the fuck!?" Dustin screeched and even Robin looked down right furious. 

"Shut up! Listen!" Steve thrust the tape recorder forward for them all to hear. 

"What the fuck popeye? What's-" 

"The song! Listen, don't you hear it!?" Steve bit his lip and looked over to the horsie ride that was playing. 

Slowly all of them turned to the ride as well. 

"It's the same song…" Robin breathed out in shock. 

"Wh-what does that mean?" Dustin hissed, bouncing between looking at Robin and Steve's face. 

"I mean- they could have this song in other places?" Billy questioned looking Steve over and then the ride. Steve slowly shook his head. 

"This was recorded here." Steve whispered all to small, and by all means it should have been swallowed by the pound noises of the mall and yet everyone in the group heard it, each of their skin turning paler by the minute and slowly looking back at the horsie ride. 

The russians were inside the mall. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it! I know this chapter is VERY dialogue heavy but it sort of had to be. 
> 
> We are finally getting into the main plot of this story and I'm psyched! 
> 
> Please tell me what you think!   
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> 
> Just send me a a cropped image of your receipt or hell, just tell me you donated, I trust you all to be faithful. 
> 
> I just want to help to the best of my ability, and this is one of them. 
> 
> Thank you all again for everything, let's all do our best and stay safe!


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!  
I'm still going to be matching donations to fics, just let me know of you donated! 
> 
> You can donate here:  
https://blacklivesmatter.com/contact/
> 
> And that being said! Thank you everyone who has continued to read and comment on this story! I'm so excited to write again thanks to all of you!
> 
> And here we go!

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!" Dustin started to panic, honestly-  _ Steve was right there with him!  _

"Shut up pipsqueak!" Billy stepped forward towards Dustin who easily grabbed his hat in panic still chanting his fears. 

"No, no, he's right! Oh my god!" Steve agreed. Billy just looked at him with a confused glance, looking so much like Nancy's  _ 'please be rational' _ look.

"Shiiit...what does that mean?" Robin whispered, slowly closing in on the group more. 

"They've infiltrated Hawkins!" Dustin cried, he looked like he was going to collapse. 

"Oh my god!" Was all Steve could supply. 

"You're not serious! Why a mall?!" Billy spun around to look at them all as if they had all lost their minds on him. 

_ Oh gods, there was no way they were safe, with the mindflayer outside and the Russians inside- there was no escape!  _

"We can  _ NOT _ go home now! We need to stick together!" Steve finally landed on. He wildly reached out, tugging Dustin to his side for comfort, his eyes landing on Robin

"Yeah!" Dustin readily agreed, his head nodding frantically. 

Robin blinked and then glanced over at Billy scowling, she threw up her hands as if she had just realized something. 

"Wait- what? You're not serious right?" She puffed out a small laugh, "I mean...russians at a mall? Good prank dingus." She rolled her eyes. 

"Robin- please-" Steve started;  _ gods he couldn't have someone else die- not another person.  _

_ He could see red hair floating at the bottom of his pool; bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. _

_ We killed Barb.  _

"Yup, all a prank, better skedaddle freckles." Billy puffed up his chest and stepped forward, trying to ward off the girl. It didn't work judging by Robin's narrowed eyes. 

"Just for that- I'm gonna stay even more!" She scowled, Billy was already rearing up for another onslaught. 

"Oh my god guys! Please! This isn't the time to fight!" Steve butted in, feeling drained and yet the rushing of blood in his ears was keeping him pumping and antsy. 

Dustin was quick to grab onto Steve's arm as a lifeline.

"Yeah! They're here! They're inside-" he paused with dawning horror sliding onto his features. "Shit, we gotta figure out where?" He hissed, wildly looking around at everyone. 

Steve blinked in horror as well.

"Why the mall though?" Billy gruffly spat out; his verbal spar with Robin forgotten for the time being. 

"Yeah...there isn't that- there isn't even good radio signal here! I would know! No one has answered to the code reds!" Dustin blurted out, pulling away from Steve to tap his chin. 

"...does that mean...they're signaling to someone in the mall?" Steve whispered to Dustin, who was arguably lost in thought. 

"Wait seriously?" Robin gaped at them, "Are we saying there's a secret russian base here?" She swung her arms up to motion to the crowded mall around them. 

"As much as I hate to admit it, tits here has a point." Billy thrust a thumb back at Robin. He didn't see the kick to his shin coming-  _ Steve was surprised it was so late.  _

"Ow! The fuck!" Billy snapped at her.

"Call me tits one more time asshole, see what happens." She stepped right into his face-  _ oh gods they were both menaces!  _

"Shut up for a moment! Please!" Steve quickly stepped between them-  _ there was no way Billy was going to get into a fist fight with a girl was he?  _

"Yeah! We need to focus here! Like where even would a base be?" Dustin pointed at them with a spark in his eye. 

"In a store?" Billy looked as if he was in the most dumbest situation in his life.

"Isn't that too- obvious? Wouldn't someone walk upon it?" Steve pointed out. 

"I was joking dumbass, it's clearly not going to be in a store!" Billy scowled. Steve winced,  _ gods he really was a dumbass.  _

"Oh."

Billy looked Steve over his eyes softening and he opened his mouth to speak. 

"So somewhere in the back you think?" Robin quickly inputted. Billy's eyes snapped back over to her. 

"In the back?" Dustin questioned. 

"Yeah, where only the employees go?" Robin nodded. 

"That's dumb, what would stop employees like you guys from just wandering in?" Billy pointed out, gesturing to Steve and Robin with a flourish. Steve wondered if he really was too dumb to see the big picture like Billy clearly was. 

"That's- that's a good point." Steve bit his lip. 

"So something even more out of the way then." Robin shrugged like it wasn't a big deal to have her ideas shot down. Dustin nodded at that. 

"What's a place that's more out of the way then employees only?" Dustin asked conspiratorially. Steve looked down at his shoes in thought-  _ oh Robin was wearing her naked women shoes again.  _

"Managers' offices?" Steve offered up blindly. 

"Not all places have that though." Robin pointed out, Steve tried not to be embarrassed by it. 

"Plus wouldn't a secret base be-  _ I don't know _ \- pretty big?" Billy rolled his eyes, but then winced as if he had done something wrong. 

"We don't know that." Robin scowled at Billy, both of their eyes icy cold when they locked. Steve clearly didn't know what was going on with those two. 

"It's definitely gotta be big, I mean- if a gate is somewhere we should know!" Dustin held up a finger. Steve could practically see the light bulb above his head. 

"Are gates big?" Billy questioned looking thoroughly confused. 

"What- how can you tell?" Steve asked instead looking towards Dustin. 

"The compass!" He screeched out- _ and no Steve didn't jump back in fear, it was just...surprise at the volume change.  _

"What?" Billy asked boredly

"Compass?" Steve regained his composure.

"Is he okay?" Robin whispered softly to Steve. 

"Steve! Steve! That's how we found out the gate last time! It messed with our compasses, it messes with the electronic field!" Dustin was jumping up and down now, a hand grabbing Steve's own and tugging it with him. 

"English Dustin- I'm- what?" Steve stumbled out trying to follow along,  _ what did electricity have to do with a compass? And gates?  _

"He means the compass would point at the gate not due north right?" Robin supplied raising an eyebrow. 

"Yeah!" Dustin snapped his fingers in agreement. Steve blinked in surprise,  _ that...that was pretty handy.  _

"So...we get a compass and it'll lead us right to it?" Steve questioned. His eyes travelled across the numerous people in the mall. 

"That's convenient." Billy observed. Steve nodded numbly, he didn't notice Billy's soft gaze watching him. 

"So anyone got a compass?" Robin asked crossing her arms looking at each of the guys individually. Dustin nodded already scrambling to get into his backpack. 

"Wait...are you telling me you had a compass this whole time and you didn't lead with that?" Steve gaped at the younger boy.

"I was busy Steve! There was more important things happening!" Dustin tugged out his compass, already flipping the cover off to look at the dial.

"Wh-like what Dustin?!" Steve glared

"Like Russians Steve!" Dustin returned his glare with a vengeance, and  _ damn it! Steve hated when Dustin was right sometimes, he imagined this was what having a little brother was like.  _

"Whatever, we got a compass, so we just follow it then?" Robin quickly intercepted, snatching the compass right out of Dustin's hand. Billy looked uncomfortable, and oddly silent at the exchange. 

Robin  _ really _ was taking this too casually. 

"Yeah, should lead us right to it!" Dustin was quick to cling to her side to look at the hand swirl then point in a direction. Steve blinked at the direction and looked up, it was leading them  **back** towards the food court.

"Umm this is probably dumb, but...that's not north is it?" Steve cautiously questioned. 

"It's not du-" Billy started looking pained,

"It's not, that's definitely pointing east, true North is towards the highschool." Robin cut Billy off, pointing towards the exit where the Highschool inevitably was. Billy ducked his head and scowled, even crossing his arms in a sullen way. 

"So it's...the food court?" Steve whispered. 

"Might as well follow it." Billy growled, already leading the way, despite not having the compass in hand. Steve wished he could understand the other boy sometimes….Billy was such an enigma that sometimes it was near impossible to even try and comprehend his thoughts. 

But...Steve still trusted him; he hadn't left yet. 

Robin followed, although not without a huff of annoyance, and Dustin was still right by her side.

Steve was quick to pick up the rear, the static was still there, like the every present hum of electricity, and the loud murmurs of the crowd was only amplifying the noise. 

  
  


Robin walked towards the middle of the food court and watched the compass shift slightly to the left. 

"Holy shit." She whispered, her eyes stuck on the chinese restaurant Imperial Panda. 

"What?" Dustin asked looking between the compass and the restaurant. Robin quickly spun around and was staring at the giant clock in the middle of the food court. 

"What is it?" Steve asked also looking at the clock, her face was paling dramatically. 

"Yeah, care to share your insight freckles?" Billy stomped closer, already demanding an answer. 

"....a trip to China sounds nice…." She whispered looking back at Imperial Panda. Steve blinked in confusion. 

"What?" 

"The message?" Dustin asked, looking up at the restaurant as well.  _ What was Robin on about?  _

"Don't- don't you see, dinguses?" Robin hastily spat out, she looked a touch ridiculous with the Scoops ahoy hat still on, but it was quickly slipping off as she rapidly turned; the bobby pins slipping off her fair hair. 

"See what?" Steve gracefully asked. He got a deadpanned looked from Robin for that.  _ But hey! Even Billy looked confused!  _

"A trip to China sounds nice!" She snapped at them pointing at the restaurant. Steve glanced at Imperial Panda and then back at Robin. 

"Rob...umm, it's...it's a chinese restaurant, there's tons of those." 

"No you idiot! 'When blue meets yellow in the west!'" She snapped, smacking Steve's arm for good measure. She then turned around to point at the clock and Steve turned as well after a well earned 'ow'.  _ Robin had really bony hands.  _

The clock's hands were blue and yellow. 

The hands were blue and yellow.

_ The hands were blue and yellow!  _

"Oh shit!" Steve blurted out and Billy was right by his side suddenly. 

"Wh- are you serious? That- that could just be a coincidence!" Billy stepped roughly between Steve and Robin. Robin merely glared and held her ground. 

"The silver cat feeds." She hissed and then turned around where a delivery man was dropping off some boxes. The logo was a silver cat...it read Lynx transportation. 

Billy also paled at the sight,  _ one coincidence was nothing, two coincidences were something but three….three was damning.  _

"So...it's the Imperial Panda?" Dustin asked softly, never looking away from the delivery man. 

Steve glanced over Billy's shoulder at the compass. 

"It is pointing that way." Steve pointed out. 

"It can't be…" Robin shook her head. 

"Why the fuck not? You're the one who said that was the code!" Billy snapped. 

"Because I said so asshole!" Robin bit right back, even stepping closer to Billy for emphasis. If Robin were a guy this would be the point when fists were thrown. 

Steve quickly placed a hand on Billy's shoulder to try and deter him from doing something too violent;  _ they really shouldn't be drawing attention to themselves.  _

"Why not Rob?" 

"Because I know people who work there! It's completely normal." She supplied, finally breaking her stare down with Billy. 

Steve looked over at the workers who were helping take orders. 

He had seen a couple of them before at highschool. 

_ Could they really be spies?  _

Steve tried to ignore the dark whisper in his mind that mumbled a resounding yes. 

"There is no way in hell they know what's going on." Robin seemed to be able to read his mind though, her stare was harsh and just daring him to contradict her. 

"Well if it's not there then where else would it be?" Billy raised an eyebrow for once not sounding like he wanted to murder the girl. 

She glanced his way then back at the compass, then looked up at the delivery man who was having someone sign something for a delivery. 

"The delivery." She mumbled. 

"What?" Dustin finally piped up. 

"The delivery! In the back, we have to deal with that a lot when we get big shipments of icecream! There's a whole back section for employees to receive them!" Robin pointed out with a wide grin. Steve remembered back to some of the earlier days at working with scoops….it was...almost impossible to do so, his head  _ really _ hurt. 

But, but he remembered having to receive a couple shipments. Mr. Tetiph signing off on a clipboard and some delivery man wheeling in boxes of boxes of tubs of icecream. Then leaving to have Steve restock the freezer. 

But...where would a lab be there? 

"But Robin...that still- I don't think there's enough room?" Steve absentmindedly rubbed the bruises on his neck. 

"Well! Let's see, we have a compass anyway!" She trusted the compass forward for emphasis. Steve nodded,  _ she had a point.  _

"We need to check it out!" Dustin smacked a fist into his palm. 

Steve bit his lip feeling light headed and then nodded. 

And before he had time to really realize it he was being tugged along by Dustin, Robin leading the way to the exit where the delivery trucks parked at the ramps. Billy stayed a small distance behind, Steve didn't have time to read his face. 

Things felt like they were blurring together,  _ what day was it again?  _ His head was starting to thump even louder and his throat ached something fierce.

The lights were starbursts before his eyes and it was surprisingly colder outside. Steve could see storm clouds in the sky and for a small second he thought he saw red lightning cut through the clouds. 

He blinked when he bumped into Robin not realizing she had frozen in the spot. 

"Wh-" Steve started when suddenly they were all being shoved back by Robin, Billy immediately jumping to action and tugging everyone behind the building.

"Shhh!" Robin hissed, wide eyed and visibly shaking.  _ Steve had no idea what was happening right now.  _

They all turned past the building to peek over to the lone delivery truck. Steve followed suit trying to figure out what had caused such a reaction. 

A burning big hand snatched his arm in caution when Steve almost stumbled. He could see it. 

_ There were men with guns.  _

Two of them to be exact. 

There was a third man placing in the shipment into the service elevator right behind them. 

Steve  _ couldn't _ breathe. 

  
  


"Oh shit." Dustin uncharacteristically whispered, his own too hot hands were grabbing Steve's other arm. 

"Don't suppose they hand out guns to delivery men do they?" Billy questioned, for once actually looking disturbed and making eye contact with Robin. 

She pulled away from the edge and held up the compass to watch it sway; it pointed directly at the shipment no matter how much she turned it. 

"Shit." Steve's hands started sweating. 

"I guess we found our lab?" Robin looked up at them, her lips pursed and eyebrows pinched. She looked just as freaked out as when Steve had, had his seizure. 

"Yeah…" Steve managed to choke out.  _ Guns definitely were a bad sign.  _

  
  


"How do we get in then?" Dustin asked. 

Steve froze for a moment, the question taking a moment to register in his mind. 

"What!?" Steve whipped around to him tugging out of Billy's grasp. 

Dustin blinked up in surprise and held his hands up with a scowl. 

"We have to go in there!" 

"Why!?" Steve gasped, trying to stay mindful of how loud his voice was. 

"There could be-  _ no!  _ There  _ is  _ a gate in there Steve!" Dustin stepped up to Steve, so Steve had to tip his head ever so slightly down to keep eye contact. 

Steve shook his head wildly, "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, we don't!" He looked over at the other two bewildered teens for support, but all they were doing was looking at the two, no back up was found. 

"You're not serious! We- we call Hopper-"

"Who you said was gone!" Dustin cut in, laying a gentle hand forward like he had when Steve was still concussed and kidnapped by a bunch of twelve year olds. 

"Then- then we call other cops!" He hastily bit out, "Dustin, they have guns! We are **_not_** qualified for this!" Steve shared how Dustin shook his head and stomped his foot childishly. 

"We are the most qualified! We were down in those tunnels!" He argued back. Steve scrunched up his face and shook his head trying to get Dusrin to understand. 

"That was different! There wasn't guns!" 

"Why don't we wait them out?" Robin's softer voice lilted through the air. 

"What?" Steve finally gasped over at her. 

"They can't be staying there forever right?" She shrugged like it  _ wasn't  _ a big deal. 

"Yeah but-" 

"No buts Steve! We are the only ones here who know how to handle this!" Dustin grabbed his hand and Steve wasn't sure if it was for comfort or to trap him in the plan. 

"Do we know how to handle this! Cuz I don't feel like I do!" Steve's voice hysterically cracked and dropped as his throat ached. 

"You can handle this Steve!" Dustin smiled cheekily up at him, tightening his grip on Steve's hand, "I've got your back! And I'll keep calling the party for the code red and- we just have to wait." He nodded to himself, trying to reassure Steve. Steve didn't feel reassured. 

"Well whatever we do, we can't wait here they'll find us immediately, especially with curls here squawking." Billy finally piped up, his arms crossed, and though he looked relaxed he look way too tight to be. His eyes were constantly dancing over to the men, it was a practiced stance, Steve could tell. 

"I hate it, but he's right." Robin nodded finally looking like she wasn't out to kill Billy either. 

"I don't squawk!" Dustin pushed his way towards Billy. 

"You just did!" He pointed out. 

"Fine! Fine! We- we'll wait…" Steve whispered looking down at his old converses. 

* * *

If Steve had his way they wouldn't be doing this at all, in fact everything about this gave him major anxiety. It made his hands sweat and his legs shake. 

He hated every second of it, but of course Dustin had binoculars. And of course there was a building that was a great position to spy on the men. 

Steve was starting to wonder if Dustin just carried these items all the time or was he specifically expecting to do more reconnaissance. 

But it wasn't like they could stop now, everyone was too invested and Steve was terrified of looking away.

Even blinking felt like it was too long of a time without his eyes on the men. 

It didn't help how cold it was. Steve didn't have a jacket with him and he was still dressed in his uniform. 

Luckily Billy stayed close, he ran like a heater, radiating warmth from his skin. 

"They're not moving, and it's been like, four hours!" Dustin groaned letting his head lay down on the roof, Steve winced at the new smear of black on his forehead and his hat that no lay on the floor forgotten. 

"It's not even been that long." Robin shook her head, her Scoops hat already gone. Steve shivered involuntarily. 

"I mean...you think they stay here all night?" Steve asked, his eyelids were heavy and yet he couldn't stop looking, couldn't stop from staring. 

"You can stay standing and on alert for at least two days." Billy supplied- Steve glanced his way and the way his knuckles were white in the fist. 

"And how would you know that?" Robin asked, sounding bewildered. 

"Just do." 

Steve hated that he was probably speaking from experience. 

Steve looked back at the men. 

There had been no movement yet, and Dustin had paused his code red,  _ 'what if the Russians get a hold of the transmission just like we did theirs!' _

"So how do we get in then?" Dustin finally lifted his head back up. 

"Do- do we really want to?" Steve whimpered, having to clear his throat. 

"We have to Steve!" 

"Hey!" A small ice cold hand reached over and smacked Steve's shoulder.

_ 'Ow! What!?'  _

_ 'Don't hit him freckles!' _

"Hey! Look!" She roughly jammed the binoculars into Steve's hands. Steve blinked in shock, realizing he actually had teared his eyes away from the men.

He looked over through the binoculars to see the two men being replaced by two new men. 

  
  


"Well shit." Billy puffed out, "Doesn't look like there's an opening." 

Steve nodded and a shiver wracked down his spine. Billy shifted ever so softly closer. 

Billy suddenly started humming, pressing his thumb between his teeth. His eyes were unmoving from where the new guards were. 

"I could take them out." He suddenly coughed out, never looking away from the men. 

"What!?" Steve whipped around to look him straight on, "Are you serious right now!?" 

Billy didn't turn his way, instead pulling his thumb away from his face. 

"Yeah." He nodded once. Steve shook his head in disbelief. 

"Uhh...you do realize they have guns on them?" Robin helpfully pointed out. 

"Yeah _no_ _shit_." Billy huffed right back. 

"Yeah- we- you can't do that Billy!" Steve blinked rapidly, he reached forward and grabbed Billy's arm tightly. 

"Billy! Don't do this!" His cold eyes watched his hand and then looked into his eyes and Steve froze. 

He looked... _ broken _ .  _ He looked tired, tired and bravely dumb.  _

His mouth opened-

"Guys look!" Robin shushed them, her hand waving at them dramatically to get their attention. 

"What?" Billy snapped out, looking up and-  _ well would you look at that.  _

The two men were getting into a truck and leaving. 

"What?" Steve mindlessly blurted out. 

"They're leaving?" Dustin slowly sat up. Everyone else followed suit. 

"That...why would they leave?" Steve asked as the truck started to drive away. Billy's eyes tracked the movement, narrowing the more he watched. 

"This feels like a trap." He hissed turning back to Steve. 

Steve swallowed looking back to where the gunmen had been. 

"What- did, did something happen to make them leave?" Steve asked Robin who had been staring them down the whole time. 

She shrugged when she finally stretched out. "They got a call on their phone and left." She scratched the back of her head and then shook her head. 

Steve looked over to where Dustin's radio was innocuously set. 

"Like a radio?"

"No...looked like a cellular phone." She raised an eyebrow at Steve. 

Steve looked back at the place, something itching underneath his skin,  _ go, go, go, go.  _

_ 'You ready to come home Steven?'  _

"We need to go down there." Steve nodded to himself, feeling his body anxiously pushing him to go, it was too cold and yet his body was slowly starting to heat up as if he was blood was starting to boil. Steve stood up, unable to look away from the spot where the shipment had gone.

"Wh- hell no!" Billy tugged Steve's arm back down, his eyes still watering in their place. 

"Wh- why not!?" Steve snapped at him, feeling a newfound anger rising from his bones, "you were the one that was gonna go down there first!" 

"And you were the one that didn't want to go in the first place!" He snapped right back. 

Steve shook his head, pulling his arm away from the other teen. 

"Well! I changed my mind!" 

"What the hell!? No! You can't go!" Billy regrabbed Steve's arm, tugging him back down, and it  _ hurt.  _ Steve's brain swishes inside his head and his back screeched. His throat thrummed with anger and the jarring motion his head was being forced to take. 

"You don't get to tell me what to do!" Steve roared at Billy, pulling away finally, leaving Billy wide eyed and gaping. 

He started to march back down the steps in silence. He could hear the others following him but he didn't care to look back,  _ go, go, go, go.  _

When he reached the street again the heat was almost unbearable under his skin, he could feel the static starting back up, filling his senses up in bubbles.

He was almost there, he needed to know,  _ why, why was this place itching for him? Why did his stomach twist at it's sight and yet it- _

_ He was terrified of it, just like he was of Eleven.  _

It was irrational! Beyond conceivable, and yet here Steve was, his bones rattling from the image of concrete and a small girl with a bloody nose. 

Steve swallowed when he stepped forward. 

It was just some service door with a key card slot. 

"It's...nothing?" Dustin asked, reaching forward past Steve and grabbing the handle. He gave it a small tug and released it when it stayed firmly locked. 

"I mean...I guess that makes sense, it would be suspicious if men with guns stuck around all the time." Robin's voice drifted over his head.

"What? No! That's stupid! Why did they change the guard then? Not even thirty minutes ago!?" Billy's tone was harsh and felt like something Steve no longer wanted to focus on. 

He was right. 

It had to be a trap.

But from who? 

The Russians? The mindflayer? 

_ Who?  _

Steve reached forward and the handle suddenly beeped giving way and Steve stumbled inside. 

"What the f-" 

"Steve!" 

He could hear them clambering on behind him, all piling in. 

It was just a room? 

"This- this can't be right?" Steve whispered to himself. 

_ Where was the gate? Where were the russians?  _

_ Where was the trap? _

  
  


"Is this the base?" Robin asked, already grabbing the compass away from Dustin. 

Steve slowly stood to see the compass spinning out of control in Robin's hand. 

"What?" He whispered into the air, it  _ didn't make sense! Where was everything!?  _

He had a distinct plummet in his stomach just like he had when he had found his hometown, and when he had read through his blue file. 

_ One step forward, three steps back.  _

"Give it here." Billy's hand snatched the compass out of Robin's hand and tilted it sideways. 

"It's not going to work like that!" Dustin snarled, already jumping forward to grab the compass back, Steve felt numb as he watched it all unfold. 

Billy's eyes were wild but they kept flickering to Steve and Steve wondered if Billy was on the edge just like he was. 

Billy turned away to the compass and then pointedly showed Dustin. 

"Then how come it's working now?" His voice felt like a blade in the air. 

"What?" Robin asked looking at the compass Billy was showing off. Steve watched as he rotated it and yet North constantly pointed straight down no matter what.

"It's below us?" Steve whispered when the doors suddenly slammed shut and locked into place. 

"What?" 

_ They started to plummet.  _

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it! This chapter was going to be much much longer but it started to get away from me so we are posting a bit earlier than we normally do! 
> 
> We are about to finally get into the main thick of the plot! I'm so excited for it! 
> 
> Thank you again for reading! Tell me what you think!!  
Everyone stay safe out there!


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's this?? An update so soon?? Yes! Yes it is! I have found some music that is best for writing these next few chapters and if you're interested then are as follows;  
Woodkid- goliath  
5 on it - tethered mix- from the movie Us  
Saint motel - a good song never dies  
That's only if you're guys are interested in the overall mood these chapters might be taking! 
> 
> Also I'm still matching donations with oneshots!  
You can donate here!  
https://blacklivesmatter.com/contact/
> 
> Thank you again to everyone who has continued used to read this story for so long, it has been a long time but we are finally getting to the main part!  
And as for everyone commenting you guys are legit the light of my days!  
Thank you!

It started with screaming. 

Steve couldn't tell if the screaming he heard was his own or everyone else. He could hear the screeching of metal grating on metal and they were going _ too fast! _

His first instinct was to freeze up and the phantom feeling of fingers in his hair made him flinch. 

Instead he stumbled and a rough hand snagged him down to the floor. Steve crashed into hard muscle and suddenly something was crushing him as everyone else was screaming. 

And then just as sudden as it began it stopped. 

Dustin was still squeaking in fear as the room became steady again. 

“Th-The fuck- what-” Steve could hear Robin’s voice stutter out but he couldn’t see anything. 

Billy was crushing him, his body was curled in a way as if he wanted to protect Steve but his body density was crushing him more than anything, _ and it hurt. _

He unciously started smacking Billy’s side to get him to move. 

“_ You’re crushing me _!”

“_ Shit _ \- sorry.” Billy mumbled rolling away and his body unravelled there on the floor surrounded by the delivery boxes. Steve tried to catch his breath as the adrenaline started to wear off. The air was warmer here and he could feel something warm dripping down his face. _ Oh...his nose was bleeding. _

“Are we dead?” Dustin’s voice finally wafted out. Steve swiped the blood and flinched as his body whined from the new bruises he had received. There was a new buzz in the air- similar to the static from the mall except tenfold in strength. It was enough to make Steve dizzy, that or he was already dizzy from the adrenaline. _ It wasn’t exactly clear. _

“Shit- where, where are we?” Robin asked as she shakenly stood up, her body shivering and Steve wondered if it was cold. 

“Clearly down.” Billy bit out, starting to move as well. His movements were more jerky and uneven; he was probably just as sore and exhausted as Steve was. Even his voice reflected that with the scratchiness in it. 

Steve had the unfortunate moment of vividly remembering him puking up a monster not of god. 

“Yeah, _ no shit.” _Robin hissed stumbling into a particularly precariously stacked pile of boxes. 

“This- we’re in the Russian base aren’t we?” Dustin slowly crawled closer, Steve could hear him getting closer to his right. 

He could see Billy out of the corner of his eye slowly lift up the compass into his hand. Steve slowly turned his head to look, feeling like he was underwater. The compass was cracked; probably destroyed when Billy had fallen to the ground. 

Steve watched it spin for a moment as Billy righted it and then had it point to the door. 

Steve swallowed down the bile that started to rise in him. 

“Oh shit!” Dustin scrambled up, stumbling over to his forgotten bag and pulling out his radio. Steve felt like he was watching the world move around him, as if he was moving in slow motion. 

“Code Red! Code Red! We need help here! Seriously guys! Stop ignoring me!” Steve blinked at that, _ they were ignoring him? _

Static was the only response. 

“Son of a Bitch!” Dustin cried, throwing the radio back down at his bag. Robin watched his anger and then turned around towards the door that was still latched shut. She looked down at the lone buttons at the side. 

She raised a hand to slowly caress the buttons in thought-

Steve hadn’t seen Billy move but next thing he knew Billy was by her side snatching her hand away from the panel. Steve could hear the compass clatter to the ground. 

“What the hell!? Don’t just press buttons, how stupid can you be!?” Billy’s voice was impossibly commanding in the air. Steve felt unsteady as his body started to move; it was as if his body was moving before his thoughts could follow. 

"Don't touch me!" She was quick to snap away from him. 

"I wasn't going to press anything asshole! I was just trying to see what they were!" 

Steve could feel more blood starting to drip down his face. 

"Steve? You okay?" Dustin's voice was so much closer than Steve had expected. 

He didn't see the two other teens pause their argument and get closer. 

"Uhh.." Steve shook his head trying to clear the fog, _ it was a terrible mistake, _the pain only increased. "I think so…" he tried to get out, his voice failing him. 

Dustin's hand was now patting his face like he had when he had gotten a concussion the first time. 

"Did you hit your head?" His voice was quiet, quiet and worried and then there was Billy getting ever so closer. 

Steve slowly shook his head feeling unsteady. 

"Come on Bambi, let's get up." His hands were reaching out and tugging his forearms forward. 

"Hey! Watch it!" Dustin snapped, smacking Billy's arms. 

"You watch it!" Billy sniped right back, he was tugging Steve up until Steve was stumbling to his chest. _ Oh...he was so warm. _

"Hey, is he gonna have a seizure again?" Robin asked, she sounded worried, which was saying something, Robin almost never sounded anything other than bored or annoyed. 

"Seizure!?" Dustin's voice reached a pitch Steve wasn't entirely sure was possible. 

"What're you talking about?" Billy's arms were moving to Steve's armpits and Steve scrunched up his face feeling the shame of being manhandled. 

"M'fine." He mumbled pushing Billy away to stand on his own and yet Billy refused to let go, his grip tightening. 

"Sure you are." He huffed. 

"I mean- he had a seizure a while back?" She was slowly inching closer. 

"Holy shit!" Dustin was back to freaking out. 

"Steve! Steve! Oh my god! Oh my god! Do- do you feel like you're gonna have one? Are you feeling sick? Your head hurt?" 

"Slow down!" Billy's voice gruffly brushed against the side of his ear. Steve shivered at the warmth, his heart was starting to stutter in his chest and he needed to get out of his hold. His face felt like it was on fire. Steve quickly shoved Billy away and he let go as if Steve was aflame. 

Their eyes made contact and Steve could feel his heart thump wildly. He couldn't keep his gaze, instead sharply looking down at the ground where a small drop of his blood had splattered.

"Dude you're probably not helping." Thank heavens for Robin sometimes. 

"Someone has to ask!" Dustin griped, "are you feeling like you're gonna have a seizure? You could have broken your brain again!" 

"I- I didn't- Volume Dustin please," he rubbed his temple, "I didn't break my brain." He landed on. 

"Look at me." Billy snapped his fingers in front of Steve's face to have him look up. Steve scowled at his face. 

"I'm not a dog." Steve grumbled, pushing his hand away. 

"I never said you were." He smirked, his tongue poking out in a biting playful way. 

Steve scowled in response. 

"I need to see your pupils." He finally responded.

"Why?" Robin asked, already stepping closer. 

"Cuz I need to see if he has another concussion or is- _apparently- _having another seizure." He offhandedly mentioned staring deep into Steve's own eyes. 

"And you can just tell that?" Robin's voice was surprisingly even, staring at Billy as if she was watching a strange specimen under a telescope. 

"Yup." He popped the 'P' moving left and right looking Steve's eyes down. 

Steve finally blinked away and Billy moved away not giving Steve a second glance. 

"So...his brain isn't broken?" Dustin asked, sounding uncertain. Steve turned towards the latched door, his cheeks were too flushed for him to feel okay making eye contact with anyone else. 

"Not more than usual." Billy's voice made Steve flinch away, _ yeah..maybe he deserved that for being so mean to Billy… _

Steve bit his lip and looked down at the boxes piled around them. 

"So what is all this anyways?" He asked, trying to move on.

Robin watched him carefully and then slowly moved over to the boxes as well. 

She then pulled out keys from her pocket coming to his side and using it to cut into the tape holding the box together. 

Steve looked in to see a small case holding long cylindrical tubes. He slowly reached forward when Billy's hand snatched his wrist away from touching it. 

"What the hell is with you all and just touching things!" He growled, "you're just as bad as the shitbird!" 

Steve didn't know who the shitbird was, but he was starting to get annoyed by Billy suddenly trying to be the responsible one here. 

Steve scowled over at him, "the hell is up with you!?" He ripped his hand away, _ he was sick of being touched! Everyone was always touching him and it made his skin crawl. It made him want to cry and break down right then and there and _ _ he couldn't. _

"Since when have you been Mr. Cautious!?" 

Billy looked surprised only for a moment before the fire returned. 

"The fuck!? Since I'm the only one rationally thinking! This shit is dangerous and you guys are just fucking around like it's some joke!" He stepped closer into Steve's space. Steve was really getting annoyed with him crowding him. 

"That isn't what we are thinking! I know this shit is dangerous!" Steve snapped right back up, his blood boiling. _ He had been the one freaked out about the guns in the first place! _

_ "Oh do you? _Cuz last time I checked you were the one that got us into this mess!" Billy's hand snagged Steve's shirt and he just knew he was inches away from getting pummeled.

"I'm not the one that drove across town just to get his dick wet!" Steve spat out, and then instantly regretted it at the way Billy pulled away with wide eyes. They were glossy and Steve _ knew _ he had gone too far. Had cut where he knew it would hurt. 

Steve knew those words weren't his own, _ that wasn't him, oh gods! _

Steve gulped as he tried to contain the horror of how much his mom tainted his blood. 

Steve opened his mouth and he could see Billy's walls being slammed back up; Steve hadn't even known Billy had let them down. 

"Bi-"

"Shut the fuck up Harrington." He shoved Steve's chest and Steve stumbled back into Robin. Steve felt like crying and he flinched at the last name. 

"Hey! Let's just all calm down!" Robin stepped forward, coming between the two teens. 

Steve couldn't look up anymore. 

Billy huffed and just started looking around, "I'll find an exit." He mumbled half heartedly as he started climbing a shelf to press up the panels in the ceiling. 

Steve felt _ awful. _

Robin watched him for a second and when she turned back to Steve her eyes were scrutinizing him in a way she had never done before. 

"You okay?" She asked, oddly soft. Steve didn't bother with answering instead reaching a hand forward to pull one of the cylinders out of the casing. 

He ignored Dustin's wide eyes and silent form watching it all unfold from the corner, his radio now back in his hands. 

He cautiously stood up and started walking over to Steve looking worried.

Steve slowly tugged the container up and froze at what he was witnessing. There was a cloud of icy fog coming from the case and the vial was covered in crystals. 

But none of that mattered compared to the contents of the beaker. 

It looked like a lava lamp but if someone had messed up and only out in one color instead of two. It glowed a neon green and it hurt to look at.

In fact it caused a violent stab into his own mind. 

"The fuck is that?" Dustin crowded around Steve to look at the odd liquid. 

"I- I don't.."

"Is this...part of this gate thing?" Robin asked them looking between the liquid and them. Steve tried to wrack his brain to seeing a bright green liquid. 

"Not that I remember." He shook his head. Dustin agreed with a nod. 

Steve let his eyes drift over to the open panel where Billy had disappeared into. 

"Why don't we open it?" Dustin asked already reaching over to take it away. Steve tugged it back to his chest.

"Hell no!" Steve shook his head dramatically. 

"Wha- why not!?" 

"We- we don't know what it is!" Steve hissed, already feeling ashamed for snapping at Billy for doing the same thing. 

Robin shook her head turning around back to the buttons. 

Steve looked back to the opening and bit his lip.

He ignored Dustin's bewildered gaze and started climbing that same shelf Billy had earlier. Which was actually pretty difficult with the tube still in his hand, but he didn't want to let it go for some reason. 

He didn't see Robin pull Dustin away from following him. 

He poked his head through to see Billy standing at the edge staring up the great expanse of concrete above them. 

Steve sucked in a sharp breath as the sight of the concrete walls towering above him made his chest ache. 

He rapidly blinked away the sudden urge to cry, turning to Billy instead. 

He looked stiff, as if he was waiting for someone to tackle him from behind. Steve didn't like how this was all turning out. 

"H…" his voice faltered, "Hey." 

He hated how Billy flinched from the sound of his voice. 

"What do you want Harrington." Steve was shocked by how much his last name slashed at his heart. Billy's voice sounded thick like he was on the verge of crying but Steve didn't think Billy would have gotten so hurt. 

He felt like smacking himself. 

He slowly climbed out of the opening leaving his legs dangling. 

"I…" he looked down at the vial pressed in between his hands, it was easily warming up now that it was out of the cold case. 

"I'm sorry Billy...that- that was wrong of me to say." Billy didnt turn around, instead he started pacing, never once shifting enough for Steve to see his face. 

He hummed noncommittally. "Why you apologizing?"

Steve watched him shift, reminded of the big cats in cages at the zoo he and Tommy had visited in grade school. 

"Because it was uncalled for…" Steve drifted off, "because it wasn't your fault the Mindflayer got you." Billy suddenly choked out a laugh, even hunching over as if Steve had punched him in the gut. 

"Is that really why you think I'm mad?" He hissed.

Steve blinked, looking down. "I- I don't know, I'm sorry, I just- I did drag you into this mess and I'm sorry." 

"You're a piece of work Harrington." His words cut through Steve like a hot knife. 

"I'm so-" 

"Just shut the fuck up." He snapped, finally turning to Steve with red eyes. 

"You said you hated when people talk about how much a whore you are?" He hissed at Steve and Steve could feel his skin paling. 

"And yet you're out here doing the same thing?" He snarled, then shook his head with a humorless laugh. 

"All you hicks are the same, saying one thing but doing the exact same thing, you're all just _ bullshit _." He barked out and Steve felt his skin tighten around his face. 

_ Oh gods… _

_ Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. _

  
  


"Billy- I-" 

"Didn't I just say shut the fuck up?" He snapped his fingers at Steve again. Steve flinched back.

  
  


Steve rolled the vial in his hands again, he _ didn't know what to do! How did he make this right! _

He could feel tears started to bubble into his eyes. 

"You're right...I am bullshit." He huffed, then looked up at the concrete, "I don't know anything...the only thing that seems to be accurate about me is just that, I'm bullshit." He looked up trying to stop the tears from falling. 

"You know Harrington, that might be the smartest thing you've said." 

Steve let the tears fall. 

Suddenly Dustin was shoving his legs out of the way and scrambling up, Steve squeaked in surprise, quickly and furiously rubbing his eyes. 

"Quick! quick!" Came Robin's voice as she quickly followed afterwards. 

"Wh- what's-" Robin quickly smacked a hand over his mouth and held a finger to her own lips once she was out. Dustin was already scrambling to place the panel back into place. 

Steve pulled away from Robin's touch feeling his skin crawl and then he heard it. The latch came undone and muffled voices sounded out below them. 

No one moved. 

"You see-....thing?" 

"N-....-case." 

Steve could barely make out what they were saying, their voices just as familiar and foreign as the radio call. 

"....-here." 

"Repor-....-Col-...." 

"Under-...."

He could hear them shift around, and he heard the boxes be moved around. Steve slowly let his eyes fall down to the tube in his hands- _ oh gods, they would see someone took a vial! _

"They we-.....er-..." 

"To-....subst-..." 

He heard the familiar click of the case being closed. 

"Head b-..." 

Steve could hear the muffled footsteps of people leaving the elevator, Robin's hand slowly pulled away as the sound of what Steve assumed was a golf cart started. 

Steve then flinched as a pang of static shot through his mind, and he could year the crackle of a radio. 

And then they heard them drive away.

Dustin let out a breath as if he had been holding it for this whole time. 

Steve pushed the panel away to look down. 

"Are they gone?" Robin asked, coming close to Steve's side to glance down as well. Steve nodded, his heart thumping. 

The latched door was now open and the light was green. 

Steve slowly started to slide his legs down, ready to jump down when the light beeped and turned red, the door now sliding closed. _ Shit! _

Steve dropped like a rock, his legs buckling under him as he landed. _ He needed to make sure the door stayed open! _

He clawed his way back up and raced to the door, watching it close slowly. _ SHIT! _

He reached his hands under it and knew he wasn't strong enough! 

He thrust his hand out like he had to Billy and tried to will it open. 

It didn't matter that the metal groaned, and it didn't matter that blood was profusely pouring out of his face, the door continued to close. He couldn't hear the others falling from the panel behind him. 

The door was about to close all the way. 

Steve looked down at his hand and saw the green lava like substance and acted before he could think. 

He shoved the vial underneath the door and with absolute ecstasy was surprised by the door staying put. 

"What? Steve! Wh-" Steve could hear Dustin's confused blubbering. The door creaked ominously. 

"No time! Quick! Get through it!" Steve rushed them along. Robin was the first to act, already shoving Dustin through, making quick work of getting his backpack off him so he would fit, then sliding the backpack through. 

She was next herself, sliding with ease. 

Steve looked back at Billy staring wide eyed at him. Steve gulped, he didn't swipe the blood away that had finally stopped falling. 

"Billy- go- quickly!" Steve waved him closer and Billy looked uncomfortable, but did what Steve had ordered. 

His eyes flickered to Steve for a moment but then quickly looked away to try and squeeze through the opening. 

Steve watched in horror as he got stuck. His body too thick and his muscles too wide. The door groaned even louder. 

"_ Shit, shit, shit!" _Steve started to shove Billy forward. 

"Robin! You have to help pull him!" He shouted out in panic. 

"I'm trying dingus!" She sounded just as strained. 

"Hey! St- watch where you're pushing!" Billy uncharacteristically squealed, sounding completely out of his comfort zone. 

It was then Steve realized he was _ very _much shoving Billy Hargrove's ass. 

"So-" Steve started, started to remove his hands. 

"Shut up He-man! Unless you want to be cut in two!" Robin cut in, Steve blinked himself back into action.

Robin was right! This was no time to get embarrassed, _ Billy was in danger! _

He went back to pushing Billy forward when a terrible sound of a crack was heard. Steve glanced over in horror to see the vial with spiderweb cracks starting to run down the glass. 

"Shit!" Steve screamed when Billy was finally tugged through with a loud _ 'oof!' _

"Steve hurry!" He heard Dustin screech. 

Steve quickly dropped to his side, sliding through, hands suddenly tugging on his clothes and arm to pull him all the way. 

"Oh fuck!" He hears Robin anxiously call out and then Steve was through panting in anxiety when the glass finally shattered and the sound of the metal locking into place was heard. 

Steve was in all of the others' hands. He stared over to where the vial had stood and watched in horror as the green sunk straight through the ground with a loud sizzle. 

"It- it was acid?" Dustin squeaked out. 

"Guess so." Robin responded, none of them moving and Steve was pretty sure he could feel all their hearts thumping just as wildly as his was.

"Fuck." Was all Steve could breathe out. 

Then he felt hands shove him off, and Billy was standing with a groan. 

"So the fuck now?" He looked down the path and Steve turned around to see what the other boy was looking at. 

It was a _ huge _ hallway. It was so long Steve couldn't even see the end of it. 

"Oh shit…" Dustin mumbled standing up, pulling his backpack on. 

"This big enough for your gate and secret base?" Robin asked, also slowly pushing herself up to stand. 

Steve numbly nodded standing up himself. 

"Guess we better start walking." Billy stated already heading forward. Steve gulped and started to follow. 

"Steve...you're- you're nose is bleeding again." Dustin said as he bumped into Steve's side. Steve blinked down at his younger friend and took his fingers to the still wet blood. 

_ Oh right. _

"Uhh, yeah, sorry." He mumbled, scrubbing it away and glancing down to see his shirt soaked in blood. 

No wonder Billy had looked at him weirdly. 

"Are you okay?" Dustin asked so softly. His voice sounding cautious and gentle, like it had when Steve had forgotten things. 

"Yea- yeah Dustin, it's okay." Steve mumbled wiping it away from his chin, hoping it wouldn't look too much like he was a crazed lunatic. 

Robin glanced their way from in front of them and started to slow down to meet their pace. Billy was still leading the way, ignoring the rest of them existed. 

Steve wanted to apologize all over again. 

"That's a lot of blood popeye." She glanced down to his now brownish shirt. Steve winced as he tried to wipe off the slick blood down his neck, it was right on his bruising. 

"I'm fine." He looked down and kept walking. Robin looked forward too, Dustin didn't unfortunately. 

"From my perspective, you really aren't." She mumbled back and then started to pick up the speed again to be ahead. 

"She's right Steve." Dustin tilted his head at Steve. "Something's up...I mean, I don't think i can keep claiming it's all because of a concussion." He whispered, glancing towards the two teens in front of them. 

Steve's blood was running cold. 

"What's going on Steve?" He asked, "how did you get those bruises?" 

Steve licked his chapped lips, tasting iron. 

"The mindflayer." He landed on. 

Dustin tripped and his eyes bugged out, "The Mindflayer!" He spat out in shock. 

"Yeah…" 

"But! H- how?! Who, who was it!? How did you survive? Is that what Billy meant by attacked?" He bombarded. Steve winced at his loud volume. 

"Uhh, yeah, kinda." He looked down; _ shit he didn't want to lie to Dustin...and yet, he didn't want to tell him the truth. _

"Kinda? Steve! You gotta be clear!" Dustin snapped his fingers for emphasis. Steve let out a sigh. 

"It- it attacked me, and Billy… but we got away." Steve answered. 

"Wait- but- who was it then?" Dustin asked, looking at Steve for answers. 

Steve sucked in his lips. 

"It's not in anyone," _ anymore. _

"What? But- then how did-" 

"It's...it's built itself a body Dustin...or I think it did." Steve felt an itch at the back of his neck, a prickle of something just ghosting by. 

"It built itself a b- _ shit Steve! _That's...that's really bad!" Dustin gulped. Steve nodded in agreement. 

"I know...but, you said yourself, if the gate is gone then the mindflayer dies, right?" Steve glanced over at Dustin. His face was pale and there was bullets of sweat sprinkled on his face. 

"I- I think so...I mean….I guess?" 

"You guess!?" Steve whipped around to Dustin. 

"Well- yeah?" 

"Dustin- that- that's the only way I've been trying to justify this!" _ That and the odd itching begging Steve to explore it. _

"Well I'm sorry Steve! There isn't exactly a manual!" Dustin whined. Steve ignored the other two stopping. 

"So- you were so confident before! What happened?" 

"Well- I mean...how did the mindflayer get out if this base is still here?" Dustin questioned looking around. 

Steve blinked in confusion. 

"What do you mean?" 

"It's just...I mean, it just dawned on me...back in winter, the lab was destroyed because all the demodogs came from the gate, or at least that's what Mike said." He explained. 

"And?" 

"Well...if the mindflayer came through the gate here, then...how come this base isn't crawling with monsters too?" Dustin asked, looking up at Steve with frightened eyes. 

Steve gulped in response;_ he had a point… _

_ Why wasn't the base overrun by the Upside Down? Why was the Mindflayer in an abandoned steelworks factory just out of the way of Hawkins? _

_ And why did it pick Billy? Just because Billy was nearby? _

Steve looked down at his shoes. 

"Shit…" he breathed out. Dustin looked just as equally scared. 

"Steve...if...if the mindflayer is here...and we stick to the idea the gate has to be open...does that mean there's a second gate open?" He asked, and it was too much for Steve to handle. 

"I- shit Dustin...I don't-" 

"What's the hold up!?" Billy called out, his eyes ice cold as he and Robin were watching Steve and Dustin's conversation. 

Steve blinked back to Dustin, "either there's a second gate or…" Dustin bit his lip, 

"Or the Mindflayer doesn't need a gate to live." He finished for Steve. 

Both concepts were equally terrifying.

_ Shit, he really hoped Hopper would be back and Mrs. Wheeler would keep her promise to tell Nancy. _

_ There was no guarantee this would work out… _

Steve looked down the hallway past Billy and Robin to the depths of grey and concrete. 

He felt like the hallway was twisting on him, as if, if he continued walking he would end up on the ceiling. 

"...we can't go back…" Steve blinked and watched the lights on the wall shutter for a moment. He could hear Dustin's audible gulp. 

The '_ it's too late' _went without saying. 

They were in the center of the spiderweb now, they couldn't escape it. 

Steve took another step forward. 

"Is everything okay?" Robin asked, but Steve numbly shook his head, each foot moving forward one after another. 

He passed Robin then Billy and kept walking, feeling like the walls could cave in at any moment. 

"We just have to keep going." Steve whispered to himself, "we can't go back." 

He could hear Dustin sniffle and by the sound of converse hitting concrete he started moving too. 

* * *

It was surprisingly quiet after that, the air got denser and hotter each step they took, and yet no one reacted. 

Billy didn't snap at anyone and Robin didn't ask any questions. 

Dustin stayed quiet and they all trudged forward, even as the corridor started to open up and in the far distance they could see an end to their path. 

It made Steve want to puke. 

He had nothing left inside him to twist his stomach like so though. 

He couldn't remember the last time he ate...had it been the coffee with Billy? Was that only yesterday? Or today? 

Time was beginning to fall away in the concrete, like dust floating listlessly in the stagnant air. 

In a way it was just like those tunnels. 

_ 'Can you play the piano for me Steven?' _

Steve shook his head ignoring the pain, he didn't want to hear his parents voices in his head anymore. 

It was like they crawled inside him and twisted his tongue to their liking; a puppet that just repeated their verbatim. 

_ 'We are Harringtons, Steven, we don't act that way!' _

_ What way? Decent? _

  
  


The floor was opening up before them and Steve started to slow as static filled his ears. There was a distinct muffle of people moving and talking in something so distinctly familiar and yet foreign enough he couldn't catch it. 

Like trying to grasp water with your fingers. 

"Shit." He heard Robin mumble and unsurprisingly Billy was the first to cling to the wall in a desperate attempt to stay hidden. 

They all followed suit except for Dustin who did an awkward smack when his backpack stopped him from being flush on the concrete. 

Steve could feel his fingers twitching, his body demanding to go forward, his hands sweating in fear and his heart thumping wildly. 

_ 'Do you feel ill Steven?' _

He leaned further to look down into the room, a hot hand snatching his arm- he could hear the deep timber of Billy's voice, but he couldn't make out what he was saying or hissing at him. 

More hands, smaller now, less hot, Robin and Dustin both pulling him back but he couldn't stop looking. 

_ There was hundreds of them. _

All in uniforms, nothing familiar and yet it hurt Steve's head like when he saw an old cartoon from his childhood. 

  
  


Steve felt a sharp prick in his mind and his head snapped before he could move it to look up at a room above.

He could hear a radio singing through his mind, _ 'The we....long. The silv……..feeds when blue meet…….in the west. A trip...China………if you tread lightly' _

"Fuck Steve!" A hot voice finally faded back into his head and he could taste the iron starting to fall down his throat. He blinked and he was back in the hallway, Billy looking furious, his hand holding Steve to the wall. 

Dustin looked terrified and there was blood on his hands too, _ oh he was trying to wipe the blood away from Steve's face. _

He brought a hand up to touch the blood and was surprised by how hot it felt against his numb fingers. 

Robin looked like she was hyperventilating, her hair was even more of a mess then usual. _ Had it always been so dark? _

  
  


"I-" Steve coughed and Robin glanced around wildly, probably afraid they would be overheard. 

"I need to go in that room." Steve whined struggling against the three people holding him back.

_ 'Do you want to go home Steven?' _

_ Yes. Yes, please! _

_ 'You don't want to stay here do you sweetheart?' _

_ He didn't! Not in the concrete! Not in the cold! Not in the dark! _

"What the fuck are you on about?" Billy was looking at him furiously, re-shoving him into the hard concrete, he could hear his skull bounce off it. 

"Hey! Stop!" Dustin was crying now. 

"Shh! We can't-"

"You shut the fuck up!" He could see Billy point at Robin shutting her up like he had Max. She was shoving herself in between the two boys. 

_ 'Do you like your new name?' _

_ What was it? What was his new name? _

_ 'Do you want to go home Steven?" _

_ Please! Please don't leave him here! _

Steve looked back to the room and he could see a woman looking straight down at him. She had a gentle smile and she slowly slipped into the room where the radio call was coming from. 

Steve could see her motion for him to follow her. She looked so familiar-_ no! No! Don't leave me please! _

"Can you even hear me?" The voice was like fire licking his skin. 

He blinked and the girl was gone. 

He broke, throwing his hand out and watched them all fall away like paper. 

Steve stumbled to the ground, there was his blood on the concrete. 

He was moving, crawling, stumbling across the concrete, hearing nothing but static and his own internal pleas for someone he couldn't remember. 

He couldn't hear the other three following after him, each trying to pull him back with their claw like hands, they felt like demogorgons on his heels. 

He was almost there! _ Don't leave me please! I don't want to be alone! Please! _

_ 'You'll be a good boy won't you Steven?' _

He reached the door. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it! 
> 
> I did say these next chapters were going to get crazier and crazier so be prepared! We have A LOT to cover and its going to get a bit wild! 
> 
> Thank you again for reading and let me know what you think!


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh! This was a wild one....I have to say, this chapter was a bit of a rollercoaster to write.   
Anyways! Thank you so much to everyone who commented and continue to support this story! I honestly would not be writing without you all! 
> 
> I know this is a terrible time for many, and people use fics to escape just for a moment, so I'm sorry for not being able to bring a happier chapter.   
That being said; TRIGGER WARNING FOR UNWANTED TOUCHING THAT LEANS TOWARDS SEXUAL: it's pretty minor, but again, as someone who has gone through abuse, you can be surprised what will accidentally trigger you. 
> 
> Thank you all again, and remember, I'm still matching donations with oneshot fics; you can donate here:  
https://blacklivesmatter.com/contact/
> 
> I will also be accepting donations to other places, just comment where you donated and I'll take it, I trust you all to be honest in what you do. 
> 
> Thank you all again!   
Now onto what I can only call The Reveal chapter!

There wasn't a girl in the room. In fact it was just a guy who looked just as disturbed by Steve's presence as Steve was of his. 

He was instantly pushed forward when the other three caught up. Steve didn't have time to acknowledge them seeing as he was staring down what looked to be a soldier. 

His eyes widened at the sight of Steve and then drifted over the others. 

"Wh-Who are you!" He asked, his hand already falling to his hip, there-  _ oh god, there was a gun there.  _

"Tread lightly!" Robin shoved Steve back with a forceful hand, causing him to stumble right into Dustin. She held a hand out in a panic, Steve didn't know what good that was going to do. 

Robin was then motioning to herself and everyone behind her, 

"I don't understand--" 

Steve was shoved back even more, almost falling backward and there was Billy launching himself onto the man. 

Steve watched raptly as Billy decked the man, although he quickly responded back. Throwing Billy back, into the giant panels behind him. Steve watched in horror as he wrapped his hands around Billy's throat and  _ Billy froze up.  _

His eyes were wide and his hands were twitching as if they wanted to reach out but his body wasn't allowing him to. His eyes were watering and if he closed them the tears would spill, and they looked glazed over as if he was seeing something else than what was right in front of him. He opened his mouth and a choked sob of "Da-" slipped out. 

Steve didn't remember moving, but next thing he knew he was tackling the man off of Billy. He fell to the ground  _ hard _ and the man was stumbling trying to get back up. He didn't know if Billy was moving yet but all he could think to do was fling his hand out leaving the man launching into the air and smacking into the back wall with a sickening thud. 

He could barely taste the iron anymore. 

"Holy shit!" Came Dustin's voice. Steve was still collapsed on the floor exhausted when he came into Steve's field of view. 

"Steve! Steve buddy! That-" he flipped away to look over at the collapsed Russian, "-was awesome! But-" he seemed to be choking on his words. 

"What the fuck was that?" Robin asked, also slowly stepping forward. Dustin glanced back at her with a wild look and then nodded wildly. 

"Yeah- buddy- since when have you had powers!? You can't keep this shit secret!" Dustin was pulling on his arms, "when did this happen?!" Steve sat up trying to keep his head from lolling to the side. 

  
  


He could see Billy's arms shaking, as if they were restrained to his side. He seemed to be gulping the air around him as if he couldn't catch his breath. 

Steve shook his head, "don't know." And honestly it was all he could muster. Dustin was wiping the blood off his face and Steve started swatting his hand away. His skin feeling aflame from the rough movement. 

"Y-you…" Billy breathed. He slowly moved as if in a trance, turning towards the collapsed man.

"Dustin help me up." 

"How do you- Steve! Is- did this happen from the tunnels?" He was scrambling back pulling Steve up with all his might. Steve kept shaking his head, he wanted to hear what Billy was going to say. Billy was wide eyed and paled in the overhead fluorescent light. 

"Steve! You have to explain! When did this all beg-"  _ a red flash shot through his eyesight. _

Then everything shook for a moment. 

Steve was sure it was all in his head had he not seen all of them brace as the floor shifted beneath them. Steve could see red lighting dancing across his eyes, cutting and warping the air around them, and he could practically taste the death from the tunnels. 

He blinked and it was all gone. 

Robin was the first to become steady again, already heading towards the only other door they hadn't walked through. He could see stairs from there. 

Steve couldn't stop the dizziness and the distinct taste of…. _ something putrid.  _

_ 'You need to be a good boy now Steven.' _

_ Why...what was happening!?  _

Steve felt like everything was slipping away; reality bleeding out from beneath him, dying and showing him he wasn't sure was real. 

"Is...is that our gate?" Robin's voice shook as she called out to them above, unsteady as the ground had once been. Steve glanced over to where she had gone and then remembered they had left the compass back in the elevator. 

Dustin glanced at Steve for a moment but then with a stubborn jawline he too moved to Robin's side, climbing up the steps. 

Billy didn't move a muscle still staring at the man.

Steve wanted to ask if he was okay. 

"Oh shit." Steve turned to where Dustin was frozen, not even all the way to the top, tears back in his eyes. Steve stumbled over feeling unstable and uneven. Each step was torture, each a threat to topple Steve over. 

When he reached the glass door above he felt like his lungs collapsed.

There was a room filled with the men like before, all with white lab coats. 

_ 'See their jackets Steven? That means you have to do what they say.' _

They were all facing a large expanse of glass, and through that glass was a beam protruding forward into the concrete. 

Steve could see the gaping mouth before him ripping the seams of reality, read lightning crackling from the energy. 

_ Oh this was fucked!  _

"That it?" 

Billy's voice cut in from the bottom of the steps, he was blinking too much, too rapidly. 

Steve could hear Robin gulp. 

"Yeah...that's definitely it.." Dustin gasped out, "holy shit...what are we going to do?!" He whipped around to Steve, as if he had all the answers. 

"I- I-" Steve didn't know what to say, he felt like a tower of books waiting to be pushed over. 

He could hear Billy getting closer, walking ever so slowly as if in a trance as he walked up. 

He watched as Billy made contact with the beam and the rip to the Upside Down. He shivered and his arm was quick to snatch at the back of his neck as if something had grazed past it. 

Steve felt like he was going to puke all over again. 

"Fuck…" Billy whispered to himself. 

Dustin started to stumble backwards, "this is bad, this is bad, this is so bad, holy shit! holy shit!" Steve agreed with the sentiment. 

He had to drag his eyes away from the gate to see Dustin stumbling back to the devices below. 

"Wh- what are you doing?" Robin hissed as she too followed. 

"I gotta call the party! This is a radio room!" Dustin hissed right back and Steve heard the door swing shit behind him and Billy. 

Steve licked his lips and turned to look at the other boy's profile. 

"A...are you okay?" Billy's head moved towards Steve but his eyes never strayed away from the electric red before them. 

"Why?" Billy questioned, Steve didn't think it was to him. In fact the way he stayed poised in front of the glass eyes unmoving from the atrocity below, Steve could have hazarded a guess he was speaking to the monster that had once been inside of his skin. 

Or maybe he was asking  _ why  _ of the Russians around them, maybe he  _ really was  _ asking Steve why. 

Maybe he was asking God. 

Steve understood the ever encompassing question, the frustration if  _ why? Why?!  _

_ Why Hawkins? Why him? Why the Upside Down? Why did it keep coming back!? Why? _

_ 'Didn't you like being useful darling?' _

Steve flinched at the disembodied voice that haunted his mind now.  _ No...no that! He would  _ _ never _ _ have wanted this!  _

Steve swore he could hear a roaring of a creature beyond their comprehension. 

"I-" Steve started, he didn't know what he wanted to say; I don't know? I wish I knew? I wonder that too? 

He wish it would all make sense so-

"Shit!" Steve and Billy both snapped to attention to see Robin pushing Dustin forward.

"Shit! Shit! Shit! Oh! Oh fuck!" 

"What? Dustin?" Steve questioned his blood beginning to cool, his stomach sinking. 

"We gotta go now assholes!" Robin started shoving them along too. Steve flinched away from her touch and didn't miss the way Billy did as well. 

"What? Why?" Billy snapped finally looking away from the gate. 

"Russians! Coming! Now!" Dustin screeched already moving to open the door to the lab before them. 

Steve blinked for a second before he heard the door open and could see the men in uniform oiling upon the stairs. 

"Oh fuck!" Steve fell backwards and then he was running after Dustin and Robin. He could hear Billy right next to him and the tears of multiple other men screaming for their capture.

Dustin was quick to fling open another door leading into the beam below. 

Steve would have frozen at that spot had Billy not grabbed a fistful of his shit and ripped him along. 

He heard Dustin scream as high pitch as he could go as he shoved a man out of the way.  _ And oh gods the air was so much thinner in here!  _

The dust was alight, sparkling as beautifully as a trainwreck; devastatingly captivating. 

Steve wanting entirely sure he was still moving, rather his legs just repeating the pattern as Billy refused to let him go. 

He could hear the men behind them in pursuit. Each barking and snapping in a tongue that made Steve's ears ring. 

_ They were tight by the beam now,  _ the rumbling of the machine grinding into his bones. Steve was sure he was going to pass out as the colors melted into his retinas. 

_ 'Can you hear it?' _

_ Hear what!?  _

"This way!" Robin shouted above the roar, and Steve was tugged away once again, into another room encased in concrete. 

Steve stumbled onto the ground, his knee scraping against the floor. Billy was no longer holding him up, instead holding the door shut as it banged. 

"Shit!" Billy grounded out as he was putting all his weight behind holding that door shut. 

Steve was holding the door shut next to him gazing into his eyes,  _ when did he move?  _

He pressed his back into the door to watch as Robin successfully pulled off a grate in the floor. The door pushed him forward again and he could hear Billy struggle next to him. 

Dustin was getting into the ground below and when he looked up his blueish grey eyes were awash in unwashed tears. Steve was shoved forward once again as the door moved. 

"Comeon!" He called but Steve shook his head. They all knew they weren't going to be able to leave with them. The door moved again: it was getting harder to keep it shut. 

St-" he choked on the spot but Robin was quick to shove him into the floor, "wait! I need-" 

"We don't have time!" She bit out, she flicked her gaze over to them, her eyes also misty but she didn't disclose anything else, already moving. 

"Go!" Billy snapped beside him as the door moved again. "Fuck!" He stumbled back but was quick to catch himself.

"You could still make it! Go!" Billy snarled at him. Steve blinked at the pounding behind him and turned to those sky blue eyes. 

He looked terrified. 

"I'm not leaving you." Steve breathed out, surprised by the words. 

He didn't know where they came from, but maybe maybe it was because that was what he wanted to hear all along. 

_ Don't leave me here! Please! I don't want to be alone anymore!  _

_ I'll do anything! Please! I don't want to be in the dark anymore!  _

Steve watched as those tears finally fell when he let out a despondent humorless laugh. He scrunched his eyes closed and he sounded heartbroken. 

"You're crazy, pretty boy." He grunted out, Steve couldn't help the small smile biting itself onto his lips. It was surprisingly good to hear that stupid nickname again. 

"I think that was established already." He choked out. 

Steve was then thrown forward as the door was launched open, he smacked his forward onto the ground and everything stopped. 

* * *

_ Steve?  _

Steve blinked at the familiar cold wet place he laid in. Above him was a vast expanse of nothing.

The water was so cold beneath him, but it didn't crystalize, didn't freeze him solid. 

I stead it felt like ice water in a hot day. 

_ Steve?  _

Steve could hear ripples of water. He could feel the gentle waves of something moving closer but he couldn't move, couldn't stop laying there in the calming cold void. 

_ Steve?  _

He could see something alight in a warm yellow wash come closer from the corner of his eye. 

He rolled his head to the side to see a girl walk closer... _ she looked so familiar...who… _

" _ Steve?"  _ Eleven slowly sunk to her knees next to Steve's side.

Surprisingly his heart didn't beat out of his chest at the sight of her, instead he felt a full ache, like a sore muscle being forced to move. 

"El?" He questioned. She looked as if she was under a bright lamp with warmth of a home. 

" _ Steve? What are you doing here?"  _ She asked, her hair was surprisingly longer than Steve last remembered it. 

"Where am I?" Steve whispered back, her eyebrows furrowed up and she looked up to something Steve couldn't see. 

" _ Where are you and Billy?"  _ She asked so evenly, her eyes coming back to Steve's and Steve looked deep into her eyes. Each a pit of understanding, comprehension of the fear and confusion. 

"I'm scared…" he divulged secretly, she looked him over laying in the cold water. Her eyes were wide when they came back to him. 

" _ Mean papa _ ?" Her voice echoed in the space around them, bouncing off nonexistent walls. Steve didn't know what she meant. 

"Yeah…" he shrugged, turning his eyes back to the inky black above. 

_ "Steve,-"  _ her hand slid over to Steve's own and Steve felt as if his brain was on fire. 

A flash of a small concrete room and a hospital gown brushing his shins. That unknown woman smiling down at him in her uniform kneeling down to his eyesight. 

_ 'Do you want to leave here?'  _

_ Yes! Yes! Please!  _

Steve slowly reached a hand forward towards her hand and when he touched her skin she unraveled into smoke and gas. She slipped away with a swirl, disappearing into the blackness before, Steve's heart thumped as the sight of the cold nothingness returned. 

"Wha-" 

Eleven was on the floor now, looking at Steve worried, her arm was shaking and Steve could see a small printed number on her wrist. 

" _ Where are you Steve? Where are you and Billy?"  _ She sounded strained, scared. 

"Didn't you get our messages?" 

" _ What messages Steve?"  _

"We left a message for Nancy...for the party, for Mike.." Steve recalled Mrs. Wheeler, maybe...maybe she hadn't shared the message. 

" _ I dump his ass today...haven't seen Nancy."  _

"Oh…" that was all he could say, he had nothing left in him. 

_ "What message?"  _ She asked, crawling closer and Steve looked at her confused. 

"Why am I scared of you?" He whispered to her and caught her eyes flickering to something off to the side farther away behind her. "What is happening to me?" He cried. 

She glanced down at his hand again,  _ "Bad Papa."  _ She whispered ever so quietly. 

"I don-" he shook his head trying to get her to understand. 

He felt her hand grab his again, and Steve was sucked again into a swirl of fluorescent blues and concrete. He could see a girl with a shaved head and wires on her looking up at a man that made Steve want to sink in on himself. 

_ 'You'll be good for Papa, won't you Eleven?'  _

Steve watched the girl nod, catching a glance of the numbers on her wrist again. 

And just like before the world faded and wisped away. 

Steve gulped and more tears started to fall, Steve could see the blood on her lip. 

_ "You forget."  _ She told him with such certainty that Steve was convinced she knew it all. 

He closed his eyes tight. 

_ "Where you and Billy?"  _ Steve bit his lip at her questioning. 

"Under the mall, there's a gate here El, the mindflayer is back, oh shit….it's, it's so much worse than we thought…" he shook his head at the sob running through his lungs. He could hear Eleven's breath starting to pick up in panic. 

"There's...there's Russians, a whole army down here…" he blinked up at her but she was starting to fade away just like the rest of the visions did. 

"Wait! Wait! Please!" Steve choked out, trying to reach for her but she was gone. "Don't leave me." He whispered to himself in the darkness. 

* * *

It started with someone lightly tapping the side of his face, and when Steve didn't open his eyes right away the tapping became a slap. 

He jolted awake with a mind heaving and his lungs gasping. 

He could still feel the remnants of tears on his face. 

"Wakey, wakey!" Came a gruff voice and Steve slowly lifted himself up to see a uniformed man in front of him. 

He smiled something fierce and he was one of the only men with what looked to be a captains hat. 

"Hello." The man spoke with a familiar heavy accent, and Steve slowly blinked into confusion. 

"Wha?" 

He crouched down low to look into Steve's eyes. Steve felt too cold for comfort. 

"Hello comrade." He smirked something wide and Steve could see a snaggled tooth poking out of his mouth. 

Steve could feel his skin crawl as he reached a hand up and pinched Steve's chin, turning his head left to right. 

"You are already pretty bloody aren't you." He sucked in a breath and smiled something wicked at Steve. 

He hissed when he pulled away. 

"How did you find this place." He commanded, taking a step back. Steve blinked up at him, in fear. 

The man glanced to the other man next to him and flicked his head in a pointed way. 

Steve didn't see the man surge forward but he felt the hard smack as his head snapped to the side. 

He could taste blood as he bit his tounge. His chin was gript again, twisting them back forward. 

"I said, how did you find this place." He raised an eyebrow. 

Steve swallowed the blood that was pooling into his mouth. 

"I- we just- it was an accident." Steve stumbled, his face was twisted to the side again with another smack. 

He whined out at the rough pain. 

"Do not lie." Came the man's voice. Steve felt his head fall forward his chin tucking into his chest. 

"I- I'm not! It- it was an accid-" Steve bit into his cheek as a fist was slammed into his eye. He choked on his words as his tooth snagged into his cheek. 

"Who is your friend?" He asked next. 

"Wha-" another punch. 

"Who told you about this place?" He asked. 

"No one! It was an acc-" another smack and it was black again. 

* * *

When Steve came to he was strapped down to something cold and metallic. His head thumped something fierce, and he was sure his eye was about to pop out of his skull. 

He can taste the split in his lip, and can feel a rip in his cheek. 

His mind was clouded and everything was so much worse than before. 

_ 'I know it hurts, but you have to keep it up Steven.' _

_ Why? Why did he have to keep it up? Keep what up!? _

_ 'Look at me Steven.'  _

Steve lifted his head and forced himself to look into the metallic room splitting into the concrete. 

He could see that familiar woman meeting his eyes, she was kneeling before him in a lab coat with a bright smile and the palest brown eyes he had ever witnessed. They were so pale and yet the color wasn't anything other than brown, couldn't be. 

There was still enough saturation, enough darkness to classify those eyes as brown. 

They seemed so….wrong though, as if they were possibly overlayed with other eyes, like a pale grey was trying to paint over a dark brown. 

"Who-" Steve whispered softly to her, "who are you." 

"Who are you talking to?" Came a groaning voice behind him. 

Steve blinked and the woman disappeared completely. 

His stomach twisted and he blinked again just to make sure, he then tried to turn his head to look behind him. He caught just a glance of Billy's frazzled hair and arms also bound up. Steve could see blood on both of those. 

“Billy?” He asked, trying to get a better look, Billy’s head was bowed and there was definitely blood dribbling past his lips. Steve couldn’t even imagine what they had done to the other boy. 

“Who else.” Of course Billy was sarcastic even when beat up.  _ It was such a Billy thing to do.  _

“You okay?” He croaked out. 

“Sure Buttercup, just swell, nothing like getting your insides pummeled.” Steve winced at Billy’s exhausted voice. Steve looked around the room again feeling unsteady,  _ what if he blinked again and he was lost again? What if he returned back to that concrete room he couldn’t remember.  _

“I’m sorry man…” Steve sucked on his lips tasting the iron. 

“What are you on about?” Billy sounded like he was an inch away from passing out, Steve felt his throat start to close... _ what if this was it? He couldn’t just- he couldn’t end on such a bad note...not without a fight, not without fixing the words he had thrown.  _

“About the- about Mrs. Wheeler-” Steve started, it was important… 

“Oh for fuc-” 

“Wait- just...let me get it out-” Steve interrupted, somehow not being able to see Billy’s face made this so much easier, “That was uncalled for-” 

“You’ve already said this sweet cheeks.” Billy groaned, letting his head fall backward and bumping into Steve’s own. Steve hated how his hands were sweating all over again. 

“I know, it’s just- it was uncalled for- I mean….I should never have said it,” Steve chewed on his lip as they descended into silence. He could hear Billy breathing through his mouth as if his nose was clogged, and somehow feeling Billy’s head against his own was comforting. 

“Then why did you?” Billy asked, so uncharacteristically quiet. It became silent again and Steve had to pause at that question;  _ why had he? Because his head hurt? Because he was scared? Frustrated? Because Billy’s hands made Steve want to rip his own skin off?  _

“I-” Steve looked down at the leather straps holding them down, he wondered for a moment when he and Billy had been moved into the new room and bounded. 

“Because she’s an adult..?” Steve whispered, he didn’t really know where he was going with this, but he couldn’t stop his mouth anymore, his words tumbling from his lips without abandon. Maybe it didn’t matter if they were going to die soon anyway. 

“Because it was wrong of her to even suggest that you guys-” 

“Oh Fuck off, get off your high horse princess, I was the one that went to her-” 

“It’s still wrong! Shit dude...that’s-” 

“Why are you so bothered by it?! People fuck Harrington, is this really the time to be so focused on it?!” 

“It’s important! Will you just listen!” 

“No it really isn’t- what is your deal!?’ 

“I didn’t want to hear about it!” Steve snapped;  _ and by gods that was it; he didn’t want to hear how someone had made Billy uncomfortable, how someone Steve had once trusted not only had caused him a terrible even with his parents but had- had almost taken Billy away?!  _

“ _ Ooooh! I’m so sorry, next time I’ll keep the lid shut!” _

“That’s not what i meant!” 

“Ain’t it?” 

“No! I was jealous, okay!” Steve blinked as the realization hit, that’s what it was….jealousy, Steve slowly blinked in shock. 

_ How had he not noticed it sooner?  _ It was so viscerally familiar, like watching Nancy hold onto Jonathan’s side in the alleyway behind the old movie theater. That ever so familiar twist in his stomach that made him want to do something awful, wanting to twist whatever knife he could find. 

“ _ Oh my god.”  _ Billy breathed out sounding absolutely disgusted, “You dated her daughter- fuck-” 

“Not! That’s not-” Steve shook his head rapidly; suddenly he wanted to be facing Billy. He hated how disjointed this conversation was becoming, all he wanted was to see Billy’s face to get him to understand. 

“I don’t  _ want  _ Mrs. Wheeler.” Steve whispered into the air,  _ Holy fuck… what did..what did this all mean.  _

_ He knew jealousy, he knew it well, but this new emotion; the one that was centered around Billy, it wasn’t normal.  _

Steve knew normal jealousy, he knew jealousy of losing a friend, hell when Carol came around he lived through it for about two years. He  _ hated  _ losing Tommy’s time and attention. But this wasn’t that,  _ this was so much worse.  _

_ It was the same jealousy he had felt when Jonathan had snatched Nancy away.  _

** _It was the same. _ **

He could hear Billy suck in a sharp breath and everything seemed to freeze, even the air became stagnant. 

“What?” He asked, his voice so shaky, Steve wasn’t sure if he was imagining Billy’s arms shaking. Steve blinked at the ground with the new revelation-  _ holy shit… _

He could remember Tommy’s words ringing in his ears;  _ “You don’t know anything Harrington.” _

Steve really had been a fool hadn’t he?  _ Was….was he- had he fallen for- no, no, no, no- he couldn’t have could he?  _

_ When? When had it happened?! When had Steve- he couldn’t he wasn’t- he had loved Nancy! He wasn’t like that!  _

But he couldn’t- his heart was thumping wildly in his chest; what awful timing for such an awareness.

He couldn’t deny the facts; he knew what his heart was saying in his chest, what it was all saying;  _ it couldn’t be right! He wasn’t! He wasn’t! He had loved Nancy! He had...and yet none of that proved he felt different.  _

_ Oh gods, Billy was going to hate him now...he remembered Billy’s words back when he was beat up, back when he had sat on Steve’s steps for help. He had said Steve had gotten queer on him, or something of the like… _

_ Oh gods, was Steve…? No...he...oh gods he was, wasn’t he?!  _

_ Did Billy hate him now? _

“Why did you go to meet Mrs. Wheeler?” Steve asked instead of what he really wanted to ask. He couldn’t hear Billy’s breath pick up, couldn’t hear Billy trying to shift in his binding to look at Steve, he couldn’t hear anything beyond the pounding in his ears. 

“Wh- Because I wanted to.” Billy hissed, sounding uncertain, shaky as if the weight of them being captured had just finally weighed down on him. Steve tried to ignore the sharp pang in his chest,  _ guess he couldn’t ignore it anymore.  _

_ Like ripping Pandora’s Box right in half; he couldn’t go back to his ignorance.  _

“Did-” The door was slammed open and the man from before walked in with three other men. 

Steve felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up as the man’s eyes roved over Steve in his binding, and Steve couldn’t stop thinking about Mr. Scott’s eyes and how their pale color had once been so, so dark when gazing down on him. 

“Hello.” He smiled at them and Steve could feel Billy twist to try and face the newcomers. Steve swallowed as the man stepped closer, his hand outstretched to take Steve’s chin. 

He clicked his tongue when Steve tried to pull away from his unwanted touch. 

“You ready to tell the truth?” He asked in a faked pleasant voice. 

“You fucking assholes! When will you get it through your thick skulls we don’t kn-” Billy was cut off as a loud slap was heard. Steve could feel Billy lurch against the bonds wrapped around them. 

“Wait! Please! Don’t-” Steve tried to call out from Billy’s aborted cry. 

“Oh, you going to answer my questions now?” He tilted his head and Steve wished his hat would fall off. 

“I told you what I knew.” Steve tried to get the man to understand, looking up through his eyelashes at the man before him, although it wasn’t exactly perfect seeing as one of his eyes was swelling shut. 

“Where do you work?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“None of your damn busi-” Steve winced as another hard punch was thrown, Steve felt sick listening to Billy spit out what was most likely blood. 

“I did not ask you.” The- Steve was sure he had to be a general or colonel of some kind- he really didn’t know anything about the Russian military. 

“Now, again- where do you work?” 

“Scoops Ahoy! The icecream parlor! In the mall.” Steve responded quickly to make sure Billy wouldn’t get beat again. The General didn’t seem to believe him, in fact his eyes fell over to Steve’s legs, tracing the edge of his shorts. 

“Hmm” He hummed as he plucked the end of Steve’s shorts, and Steve felt like he was going to vomit. He tried to contain the rising panic, which was saying something seeing as he was already pretty much beyond panic from realizing he might-....

_ Now was not the time!  _

"Are you sure?" He asked looking back up into Steve's eyes and it was like staring into something dead, something soulless. 

His breath hitched, "it- yes! I work at the icecream parlor!" Steve begged. 

His cheeks were pulling back and then his palm was flat on Steve's thigh, almost exactly where Mr. Scott had placed his hand. 

Steve flinched and tried to shift away, and to his dawning horror the man's hand shifted ever so slightly up, his fingers just barely under the hem of the shorts. 

"Shh, shh!" He cooed at Steve, pinching his chin making Steve look back at him. 

"H..hey! Wh-" Billy was punched again and Steve flinched again, his eyes squeezing shut. 

"Oh, no, look at me." His hand was gone from his leg, instead lifting up to brush his wild hair away from Steve's bloody and sweaty face, tilting his head up. 

Steve could feel his fingers threading through his hair and just like his father did, he tightened his grip pulling on Steve's hair to force his head up. 

He blinked his eyes open and the General was towering over him,  _ oh gods, oh gods no.  _

"There's those pretty eyes." He smiled, and Steve wanted  _ out!  _

"What the fuck are you doing!" Billy bit out, twisting violently in his spot. Steve's eye ached as he tried to keep it open against the harsh light. 

His fingers tangled at Steve's nape and his eyebrows raised for a moment. 

"What is this?" Steve's head was shoved down, and he couldn't stop the panicked whine escaping his throat. His throat was on fire, and he couldn't scream.  The man was splitting his hair apart to get a better look at something Steve couldn't even imagine what. 

"Get off him!" Steve choked on another cry as the man pinched the back of his neck where his hair ended. 

"Oh!" He started laughing and laughing and laughing. The general laughed harder and let go of Steve to continue laughing as if he had just heard the funniest joke in the world. 

"My, my, my!" He cackled and snapped Steve's head back up with a gleam in his eyes, Steve's scalp was on fire at the harsh tugging. 

"Look at you!" He giggled, and turned to the other three men in the room, he motioned for one of them to leave and they slipped out without a glance back. 

"Hey! I'm talking to you assholes! Let him go! What the fuck do you perverts think you are doing!" 

"Shut him up." Steve watched as the second guy walked forward. 

"Wait! No! Stop!" Steve balked, panicking, "he didn't-" it wasn't enough, he could hear Billy's cry of pain as there was another harsh slap cracking against his skull. 

"You know, I was always curious when our little bird would retu-" 

"Colonel Ozerov!" Steve blinked as a familiar gruff voice filled the room. 

_ He had to be hallucinating,  _ because standing before him in a russian uniform and the same hat as the general man was Manager Tetiph.  _ No, this...this had to be wrong. _

Colonel Ozerov tsked and slowly let his fingers drag down the back of Steve's neck and much to Steve's horor, manager Tetiph didn't disappear with a blink. 

"Colonel Titov." He called sardonically, Steve couldn't breathe.  _ No...no, no, no, no, no, no!  _

_ Did his parents know!? Mr. Tetiph had said he didn't work for his parents, but-  _

Steve's head was spinning out of control. 

Mr. Tetiph held the door open and Steve could hear an  _ oh so familiar click of heels on concrete. _

_ No! No! No! _

"I suggest you step away from my son Colonel Oserov." Her voice was just as calm and poised and cold as any other time, and yet it wasn't in english.  _ It wasn't in english!  _

"So this is the little pet project?" Oserov droned, rolling Steve's locks in between his fingers. His mother didn't reply, but  _ oh gods...she was wearing a lab coat and uniform as well!  _ Her hair was pulled in an easy and perfect side ponytail, curled into one gorgeous lock.  _ And this was wrong! Wrong!  _

Oserov seemed to not like her lack of reaction judging by the way his hands fell down to Steve's shoulder and slid down his arm. 

Steve's breath hitched and thankfully Billy was silent, Steve didn't know if he could see anything of what was happening. 

Oserov seemed to be having a stare down with Teti- no Titov and his mom. His fingers danced across Steve's skin until they reached Steve's middle finger, and Steve cried out as he roughly pushed it back, threatening to snap it. 

"That's enough!" His mother's voice cut through the air and he could hear another tsk of disapproval. 

And then it was gone. 

Oserov walking away with his last two men and left the room. 

Titov watched them go for a moment and Steve wasn't entirely sure he hadn't passed out and was dreaming this all up. 

Titov then moved with a nod from his mother to guard the door, making sure no one else could walk through. 

"M- mom?" Steve choked out in uncertainty. He could hear Billy finally moving and sucking in another breath. 

To his surprise his mother's face painted easily into a smile. 

"Hello Steven." She walked closer, her heels vibrating through Steve's mind, echoing into a past he could barely recall, but with every passing second it seemed to be clawing itself back out to the open. 

"My look at the state of you." She walked close enough to pluck that stupid tie from his uniform, now a dark brown from the blood.

She glanced back towards Billy with a perfect raised eyebrow. 

"Is this your friend Steven?" She asked evenly. 

Steve gulped, "wha- what is- why are you here?" Her cold eyes turned away from Billy and back to Steve.

"Hmm, you know Steven, I'm so proud of you for finally returning." She smiled so pleasantly, as if she was genuinely happy with what Steve had done. 

"You have done so good Steven," she said letting her hand rest on the top of Steve's head, petting ever so gently. 

So gently that Steve's tears began to fall. 

"I don't- I don't understand." He gasped out. She tilted her head and sighed. 

"My darling," Steve blinked at the new endearment, and was surprised by her softly wiping the tears away from sliding down his cheeks, "have you really not put it together?" She lightly tapped Steve's cheek. 

"I…I don't-" 

"Oh...right, you thought you were from Sankin, Alaska, didn't you?" She asked, her hand moving away from Steve outstretched, and Titov pulled out a familiar red folder from his jacket. 

"Wh-" 

"You know Steven," she called softly as she flipped the folder open, "there are more than one Sankin in the world, in fact there happens to be another one in Russia, right by an USSR base called Cape North."

Steve could feel the blood in his face drain away. 

"N- no, that-" 

"That can't be right?" She asked so kindly, much too kindly, it felt false, it felt wrong, it felt like an imposter. 

"Hey- bitch, stop playing games and get to the fucking point." Billy finally placed his input into the conversation. Steve didn't know if he wanted to wince or laugh from the audacity. 

His mother's eyes sharpened at the comment. 

"Hmm," she straightened up and turned away from them, "is he the one that really told you about the dyslexia Steven?" She asked as her heels clicked closer to Titov. 

Steve's chest shuddering in fear. He didn't dare answer but he knew his mother already had the answer. 

There was a sharp knock on the door, and Steve was too scared to look, _What if it was someone else in his life, someone he thought he knew! _

_For all he knew Mrs. Wheeler could be walking through that door right now! _

Titov opened the door and a new- thankfully unknown- man walked in, he was in a white apron and he had a small black case. Something about it made his neck ache even more, his head unconsciously wanting to bow, his hands sweating violently. 

Steve started to shiver, "Mom!" He called out in fear, she tilted her head in response. 

_ Don't leave me! Please!  _

"What's- why-" Steve couldn't even formulate any of what he wanted to say.  _ Why? When had this all gone down? Why couldn't Steve remember? Had his mother always been a russian spy? Was his dad? Who was that woman? Why was she doing this? What was happening!? _

The man poked his tongue out with a smile, clicking the case open and drawing out a bright red substance in a tube. Steve felt his chest shudder, his body almost rejecting the situation, reactively trying to scramble away and yet _t__here was no where to go. _

"What- what is that!?" Steve finally managed to gasp out, his legs kicking out to try and escape. 

"What's happening?!" Billy asked, once again trying to twist around, "Steve!" 

His mother looked bored, but there was a new and foreign gleam in her eyes he had never seen before. 

"I'm so proud of you Steven, you'll be a good boy won't you?" She asked and Steve choked, freezing up. 

"You bitch!" He could hear Billy roar, thrashing wildly against the bonds making them squeeze tightly and painfully against Steve; biting into his skin. 

The man tilted Steve's chin up and he  _ couldn't move; 'you have to do what they say Steven.' 'You'll be good won't you?' _

"Fuck you! Get away from him!" Billy kept roaring almost toppling them over. 

"What is it?" He managed to gasp out. His mother tilted her head and let a small easy smile fall on her lips. 

"Don't you remember?" She asked sardonically, "injection B." 

Steve was surprised he didn't scream when the needle was injected to the back of his neck, right where the Colonel Oserov had pinched.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it! The Reveal chapter! 
> 
> I have to say I sat on this chapter for a LONG time, i was afraid it was too much, even considered cutting it in half. It has a LOT happening in this chapter and I was afraid it was too dense, or too many reveals at once, but...I figured might as well get it out there.
> 
> There's still some more things to address, not everything is answered, but I do hope you still continue reading this even after some some reveals were made.
> 
> Thank you again for reading! And let me know what you think!


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gooooosh, I am so sorry for how long this took.  
I spent a lot of time on this chapter, especially since it felt too boring compared to the earlier chapters. I ended up making it pretty damn long, and right when I was happy with it I accidentally deleted it. 
> 
> So I'm sorry for how long this took thank you so much to everyone for continuing to read. 
> 
> Unfortunately I have had a lot of personal issues going on in my life, I'm personally waiting to see if me and my family are sick ourselves. 
> 
> But hopefully the next chapter shouldn't take nearly as long!  
Thank you again to everyone you make my days sitting here.

When the bell dinged he was to eat. Then he was to wait, wait, wait, wait, until someone came. 

They usually came after one hundred and fifty clicks of the light, he had counted. 

On days he did everything perfectly they would come at seventy clicks! 

He liked when people showed up, it made him feel….better! 

He didn't like this room, it was always cold and hard and when he cried or begged the room would release sleepy smoke. 

He hated the sleepy smoke. 

Sometimes if he was really, really bad, they didn't show up for thousands and thousands of clicks, so many clicks that he couldn't count them all! 

The worst was when the light turned off and he could no longer count the clicks it made occasionally...he never could feel how long it was when that happened. 

But, when he was good; when he got up from the floor before the bell dinged, when he ate his food fast enough, and when he sat patiently, then he got to see someone and leave the room. 

It was always like a dream come true out of the room! 

There was a lot of people outside of the room, he wondered if everyone had their own room they had to be good to be let out of. 

But they all wore the same, not the same as him of course but they were the same as each other. 

Sometimes he wished he could wear those things so he matched with them all. 

Instead he had to wear the long dress that had ties around it. 

The other things they wore looked warmer…

But what he _ really _ wanted to wear one day was the white jacket! The white jacket meant everyone had to do what you said, he had seen it! 

She told him that, that's what the jacket meant, although she had called it something else. 

One day, he was going to wear that jacket and make everyone smile and laugh- and maybe...maybe….well he didn't know exactly yet but it could wait, he had time. 

On days that were extra cold they would let him come out to play with others. Some were other people in the same dress as him, others weren't. 

But he liked to play! Even when they asked him to repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, until the red liquid spilled from his ears and his head _ hurt _. But then they gave him his medicine. 

When that happened they let him sleep, sometimes in a very soft thing. 

When he slept too deep, or reached that dark place they always made him smell this thing.

He could smell it rig-

* * *

"Fuuuuuuck!" Steve blinked up to the cold concrete, _ where….where did his mom go? _

"Whaa…" 

"Steeeve?" Came a stretched out voice. Steve blinked again trying to clear away the bleariness in his eyes. 

"Shit Steve! You okay?" Steve finally blinked back into existence and lifted his head up to glance around the now empty room.

"Whaaat...what's…"

"Did we get injected with the same thing?" Billy's voice was a pitch higher than normal, Steve wondered if he was panicking. 

"Red?" Steve asked, his neck aching and the ghost fingers snagging in his hair made him want to puke. 

"What?" 

"Mine was red." Steve whispered, trying to make the edges of his vision stop swirling. 

"They gave you two though?" Billy sounded so...wrong without his usual anger stepping into his voice. 

"Oh…." Steve let his eyes fall down on the ground, he couldn't...he couldn't remember anything after the red injection...just...just the sound of a lightbulb clicking with electricity. "I don't…" 

"Mine was blue…" Steve didn't know if that was good or not, "she sa-"

"She? You mean my mom?" Steve interrupted, unsure if that other woman in his mind was real or not. 

"That _ bitch _ ! Said it would help with the manners." _ Oh...there was that anger. _ It was most likely his mom then... _ why did she leave them- no...why did she leave him here? Why alone! _

"Manners?" he asked instead. 

"Yeah something like that." Billy sounded tired and Steve could relate. 

"Oh…" was all he could muster. 

"You...feeling okay?" It was odd to hear hesitance there. 

"Uh….ask again later?" Steve winced, it was starting to get too difficult to catalogue all the injuries. 

"I don't….I don't feel that different do you?" Steve had to pause at that question. 

Did he feel different? _ Yes, tremendously, irrevocably, undoubtedly! He felt, stilted wrong, flipped and turned around so much like a rubix cube he didn't know what color he was meant to be despite being in the correct shape. _

It was _ wrong. _

And yet...things were connecting, things he never wanted connected were bridged, clearing up the pathway for Steve's mind; and he couldn't help but wonder why the _ fuck _ did he ever want to have these answers? 

"You mean in general? Or like...emotionally," Steve droned on feeling an odd sense of calm for a moment, "cuz I'm pretty sure I should be freaking out more…" he ended on stalely.

"I mean...yeaahhh." Billy dragged out his words.

"My mom is a russian spy." Steve spoke out loud; and yet they didn't feel more real…in fact they felt farther away from reality than dreams...

"Yeah….and a bitch at that." Billy huffed in what sounded to be an odd sense of appreciation- or anger...it was getting harder to tell by the minute. 

"Please don't fuck my mom." Steve blurted out. 

"What!" Billy cried, his voice clicking in a way he seemed to have choked on his spit, "Ew...I- I'm not gonna fuck your mom!"

"You went after Mrs. Wheeler, man." He supplied, I mean honestly it seemed like sound logic.

"I didn't really want her-" he whined throwing his head back knocking into Steve again. 

"What?" Steve was surprised his heart didn't beat so hard, just a small flutter, "But you said?"

"I mean...I liked that I could make her do things...but I didn't want her like that. I wanted to want her-" he shook his head wildly, Steve could feel it. "I wanted her, but I didn't really want her y'know?" Billy seemed to continue going on, and his words seemed to start...tasting like..._ blue...yeah definitely blue, like...a sky blue! Summer sky blue! _

"I have no idea what's happening right now." Steve admitted. 

"Can you taste salt?" Billy asked and Steve could hear him smacking his lips together. 

"Like in general...or like right now?" Steve questioned, also smacking his lips in return, was...was the air getting salty? 

"Now. Definitely right now….cuz I taste salt." Billy huffed almost hysterically. 

"I taste salt…" Steve agreed, but...but he also tasted iron! "I think that just from like...tears and snot."

"Gross." Billy giggled- _ giggled! _

His laugh was infectious, Steve couldn't stop the laughter bubbling inside his lungs and bursting out. Billy started laughing even harder. 

"Something is definitely wrong!" He chuckled. 

"Oh yeah." Steve bounced his head up and down in a way that made him want to giggle even harder. 

"I feel good." Billy snorted, sounding happily surprised, "don't you?" 

Steve tilted his head in thought, he could feel something bubbling under his skin, and his heart thumping hard against his lungs and yet it didn't feel panicked. 

"I don't know?" Steve answered.

"What's going on pretty boy?" He asked, an odd sense of humor in his words. 

"I like when you call me that!" Steve laughed, not finding the reserve in him to stop. 

"Really!?" Billy sounded genuinely astounded.

"Yeah!" Steve cackled, "it's nice!" He explained, his cheeks felt like they were starting to catch on fire. 

"It's true!" Billy crashed his head back into Steve and it could only make Steve laugh harder. 

"What is?" He asked, his head bowing down to the ground. 

"You're pretty!" Billy called out, as if he was sounding off at a boy scout call. 

"I know right?" Steve smiled, he liked the confirmation…._ was the light clicking? _

_ How many clicks until someone came? _

"Why did you go to meet Mrs. Wheeler?" Steve asked, trying to understand, trying to fight past the haze, _ he really wanted to know, Billy had said he didn't want to...not really. _

"I don't know…" Billy's voice drifted, "I wanted to prove something?" He sounded unsure but huffed at the end shaking his head. 

"Prove something?"

"....I wanted to want to go." Billy finally landed on sounding tired, tired and hysterical. 

"We can't make ourselves want things." Steve blurted out and the air became somber. _ They were someone else's words in his mouth but he didn't know who. _Steve wasn't sure he could laugh again soon. 

"Yeah...I know!" He shook his head again and Steve could feel him strain against the leather belts wrapped around them, "God knows I've tried." He whispered into the air like a broken prayer. 

Steve paused on that, wondering what Billy had prayed for at night; what had he pleaded? What had he so desperately clung to with desire to become. 

  
  


"We're probably going to die down here." Steve couldn't stop the words when they filled his mouth. 

"Probably!" Billy huffed another laugh, sounding like the laugh was hurting him. 

"I guess I couldn't ask for anyone else to die with." Steve let his head lift up knocking into the back of Billy's own. He let his eyes drift up to the concrete. 

_ 'You don't like it here do you Steven?' _

"That was oddly sappy." Billy huffed tilting his head to the side so Steve's own head fell backwards onto his shoulder. 

"Yeah? Blame it on the drugs." Steve started laughing, he wasn't sure if he was crying or not.

_ They should have come by now! That had been over two thousand clicks! Where were they! _

_ Steve could feel something petting his hair, a kind hand, a thin hand, and a smile; a gentle smile and a somber whisper. _

_ 'You don't know who I am do you?' _

* * *

She kept petting his hair, he liked when she did that...it was nice…

She would whisper in his ear and tell him not to be scared, never to be scared. 

She told him she had a secret...they both did! 

When he was scared and cried she would scoop him up and hug him tight, sometimes too tight but sometimes she cried too when he did. He never liked when she cried. 

'You don't like it here do you Steven.' 

_ No! He didn't! He wanted out! He hated the cold! Hated the concrete! He wanted out! Please don't leave him here! Don't leave him alone again! Dont! Please! He promised he would be good! He promised! _

"Steve?" Steve blinked back to existence. 

"What?" 

"What you mumbling?" Billy sounded lost, lost and gone. Steve tried to recall the voice, the feeling of hard concrete scrapped against his skin. 

"I don't know?" Steve whispered, "I think I'm remembering."

"Remembering what?" 

"My childhood? Fuck man- like I don't even know." 

"Childhood sucks ass!" Steve couldn't stop the cackling at that, "like legit man, fuck all of that!" Billy shouted but then broke into giggles and Steve couldn't stop laughing next to him. 

It was hard to catch his breath but it was as if the lights were getting darker, a vignette slinking into the corners. 

Steve felt rushing blood behind his eyes, and his legs were bouncing in a weird sense of anticipation. 

"Hey! Steve! Steve! Hey man!" Billy's voice was so nice and blue! 

_ Steve could remember seeing the sky for the first time, it wasn't blue...it was grey, grey just like her eyes, grey and looking like they would upend the world in tears. _

_ But when she took him to his new home, the sky was so _ _ pretty _ _ so _ ** _blue_ ** _ Steve had sat there outside and cried for so many clicks. _

"Yeah?" Steve called back. 

"What-" he paused and hummed, "what did you mean when you said- when you said you didn't-" he seemed to be choking on his own words like he didn't want to say them but that they were stumbling out; Steve understood the sentiment. He too wasn't able to stop what was coming out of his mouth or brain now. 

"Didn't _ want _ Mrs _ . _Wheeler?" He finally managed to get out. 

Steve blinked at the odd questioning and the concrete felt like it was breathing, or swaying like waves. 

"I-" Steve blinked; _ oh, he really didn't want to tell Billy- he didn't want Billy to hate him. _

"Why would I hate you?" Billy almost slurred. Steve sat up fully in surprise, _ had Billy read his mind? _

"No man. You're talking out loud!" He starting laughing and Steve realized that "_ oh he was!" _

He wondered why his internal voice had gotten so loud. 

"But really- What- I wanna know." Billy asked quietly, his head knocking against Steve's. Steve tried to think about it, _ what had they been talking about again? _

“Wanna know what?” He asked, _ was his tongue getting thicker? _

“Why..._ why…” _Billy seemed just as confused as Steve was. “Oh! Why did you not want Karen?” 

“Whose Karen?” 

“Mrs. Wheeler.” 

“Oooohhh.” Steve dragged out, _ had he known her name was Karen? _

“I don’t like her….she told my parents on me.” Steve answered, _ he wished she hadn’t called his mom and dad….speaking of, where was his mom? _

“Wait...it’s cuz she told on you?” Billy asked sounding uncertain and maybe, maybe a touch heartbroken. 

“Yeah...I mean...I don’t- I don’t want her, like at all…” Steve ended with, trying to understand what was it Billy wanted from him. Steve hoped he liked his answer, he wanted Billy happy, he liked when Billy was happy, he liked when his blue eyes crinkled with laughter. He was really...cute when he was happy. 

Had Steve always thought him cute? Or was that new? When had that happened? 

“But you said- you said- jealous?” Billy asked, sounding so, so confused.

The walls were moving so much now that Steve was sure he was going to vomit. He really hated concrete. 

“I hate concrete.” Steve blurted out. 

“What?”

“I hate concrete- I just realized.” Steve admitted, _ poor Barb, not only lost in a watery grave but to be surrounded by that concrete. _

_ Steve dreaded concrete. _

“Oh….Okay...why?” Steve tried to think on that. _ Why did he hate concrete? _

_ Because it was cold, because he couldn't ever escape it. No matter how far he ran, how long he went, there was always concrete surrounding him. _

_ He hated concrete because within it's cracks were the memories of a past he didn't want to remember, didn't want to realize. _

_ He remembered her walking in for the first time with a smile, so kind and whispering words of a world without concrete, a sky that was so pretty it could change colors. _

_ He had wanted to see it so bad. _

_ But then she had to leave and he was alone again! Alone forever! They always left him! He hated this room! He _ ** _hated it! He wanted out! He wanted out! _ **

When he opened his eyes there was that girl again, except her eyes were getting darker by the second, burning up. She smiled so sad and crouched down in front of Steve and he swore he could see tears in those rapidly darkening eyes. 

He didn't know who she was, why she was here.

_ 'I know you don't remember me Steven.' _

Steve wanted to ask her who she was. 

Steve blinked and there was a shadow in the corner. Something burned into the concrete. 

**Do you want out?** It whispered in a voice that Steve was sure he had heard once before.

"Yes…" he pleaded into the air, letting it drift into the sky above. 

"Steve?" 

**Then get out.** It growled, and then Steve fell forward, the bonds gone.

Steve fell hard on his palms and knees and blinked as the world spinned. 

Steve glanced up at the shadow and blinked trying to get his eyes to focus on it, _ what was it? _

**Burn it all down.** The shadow then slowly slinked to the side slipping out the door without another word. 

"What?" Billy asked, slowly stumbling upwards. Steve was also confused as _ fuck. _

_ What was happening? _

"Did- did I just imagine that?" Billy asked, and Steve followed suit in standing- _ well _ an attempt too. 

He stumbled backwards into Billy, who stumbled just as far back. 

"Did you see that shadow?" Steve asked, pointing forwards, his hand kept moving to the right. 

"What shadow?" Billy asked, sounding sleepy as well as confused. 

_ Huh. _

"What-" 

Steve blinked and suddenly there was a siren going off, the lights humming. 

"Ow!" Billy cried his hands coming up to grab at his ears. Steve- _ when had he turned around?- _ looked at the other boy. His face kept shifting, melting, and twisting, so many purples and reds. Steve didn't like it on his face. 

Steve didn't remember telling his hand to move but he was suddenly pressing his palm into Billy's cheek. 

"Hey- ow!" Billy pulled away with a laugh, swaying. Steve understood the floor was bending underneath them like a pool cover. 

He wondered if Barb was underneath them. 

"Steve!" Steve spun at the loud shriek behind him, he was sure he would have been tangled into the floor had Billy not bumped into him. 

He blinked to see Dustin, and a blur of blue and behind him. 

"Dustin!" He called back, throwing his arms up in excitement. _ He loved Dustin! _

"Dustin! You know I love you!" He laughed as Dustin blurred suddenly coming closer. The blue smear behind him steadied into Robin. 

"Oh _ yaaay! _It's the nerds!" Billy snickered, almost toppling into Steve. 

Steve pursed his lips in reply and then Dustin was grabbing his face. 

"Steve? Steve? What's wrong?" His words were blending together and Steve needed clear eyes to hear him. 

"What are you talking about? I feel great!" Steve answered immediately falling on his butt with a laugh gwuaff. He could hear Billy cackling behind him. That alone made him laugh so much harder. 

"What the fuck is wrong with them?" Steve wasn't sure who said it, but suddenly the Robin smudge was next to Dustin. 

"Dude...are those flashing lights out there?" Billy asked, "it's a party?" He asked sounding so interesting. Steve wanted to feel his lips move. 

"I think….I think they're high?" Oh there was Robin! 

Steve rolled forward to push himself up from the squishy floor. "Robin! Rob! Robbie!" He laughed, finally managing to get up due to a pale hand pulling him up. 

He stumbled into Robin and was surprised by the fact she was so much shorter than him. 

She always seemed so much taller. 

"So short!" Steve patted her head and was smacked away. "Ow." Steve sullenly started but then Billy was laughing behind him. 

"Tiny! They're both tiny!" He threw his head back and Steve couldn't help but mimic him. 

"Well how the fuck we gonna deal with this?!" 

"I don't know!" 

Steve ignored the smoky voices to look over at Billy. He reached forward and grabbed his arms, almost stumbling, and Billy seemed just as unsteady but by some miracle they held each other up. 

"Okay dingus! Divide and conquer! You take Steve and I'll take Billy." Robin was suddenly pulling them apart and Steve whined, _ he wanted to be back with the warmth sunshine and sky blue. _

Steve stumbled into his favorite curly child and he couldn't help but hug him, ignoring the fact his hat was almost falling off. 

"Steve! Buddy! Good to see you too! But-" 

"Noooo!" Steve blinked and saw Billy smacking away Robin's hands. 

"Noooooo!" Steve mimicked back. Robin looked beyond exasperation. 

"Look asshole! We gotta get you both out of here! And the only way to do that is if we help you out! And I'm stronger than curls over there! So work with me!" She sounded mad. 

"I don't like you." Billy pouted and Steve laughed, he had never seen that face on Billy before. 

"He doesn't liiiike you!" Steve sung. 

"Fine! Switch!" She growled, snagging Steve away from Dustin. 

"What?" Steve blinked and they were moving out of the concrete room. 

"I'm not supposed to leave without a white jacket!" Steve tried to warn them but no one seemed to care as Dustin tugged Billy forward. 

"Come on popeye!" Her hand was so tiny and fragile, like _ her _ hand. 

The sirens were so loud that Steve could _ taste _ them now. 

_ 'Remember Steven. Not a noise okay?' Steve nodded at her and she smiled something watery and scared. Steve didn't understand. _

_ She started to tug him forward and the sirens of flashing yellow no longer felt warm. _

Steve blinked and they were being shoved into a cart. 

He fell forward onto something warm and hard. _ Oh it was Billy! _

"Billy!" He laughed and Billy blinked wide.

"Steve!" He laughed and their foreheads knocked against each other, enough to make Steve wince and fall backwards. 

"Holy shit! Holy shit!" 

"Shut up! Just tell me if anyone is coming, got it!" 

Steve blinked and they were moving so, so, so fast. 

"Man I miss my baby!" Billy whined and struggled to sit upwards. 

"Baby?" Steve asked. 

"Yeah, my blue baby!" He laughed and motioned driving. Steve blinked and clapped his hands together. 

"The Camaro!" He snapped his fingers and pointed. 

"Yeah!" Billy beamed at Steve and Steve couldn't stop the giggle coming from him.

"You need to always do that!" He told him. 

"Do what?" Billy asked a playful smile on his lips. Steve laughed stumbling forward into Billy, almost trying to clamber over him to reach his face. 

Steve tugged his cheeks into a smile. 

"You gotta smile more!" Steve laughed, falling backwards smacking against something cold and hard. 

Billy laughed with raised eyebrows, "what?!" 

"Like that!" Steve pointed and Billy laughed even louder. 

"Shut up! Oh my gods!" Robin cried out. 

"Shit...you think they're like- gonna die?" Dustin shrieked. 

"They're just high!" 

"Yeah but- like- these are russian drugs! What if it's eating their insides slowly!" 

Steve hoped his insides weren't being eaten slowly. 

His blood did feel like it could glow in the dark though. Billy was looking outside of their cart, "we going home?" He asked, "I don't wanna go home!" He whined. 

Steve nodded at that, "I don't wanna either! Home sucks!" 

"Home sucks!" Billy agreed, bouncing his head up and down and Steve giggled at him. 

"Shut up!" Robin snapped, a loud bang rang through the cart as she slapped it. 

"Ooooooooh" Steve giggled at her, a finger going to his lips to shush Billy. 

Billy laughed loudly back, a hand grabbing Steve's finger. 

Steve stumbled even further into Billy's side. 

_ He wondered where she was...it had been a lot of clicks but no one was coming to collect them. He didn't really like this person, they felt…..weird, plus they weren't small like him. _

_ The person would hold his hand and twist the palm up, and then make him listen to the clicks of the light, to the clicks of lights he couldn't even hear! _

_ He didn't like hearing beyond the concrete, he didn't like hearing the buzz of the lights, and of other things. It was like bugs crawling through his mind. _

_ When he cried the big person held him to his chest and held him tight. The man was so solid it felt like hugging concrete. _

Steve blinked as he returned to Billy's solid side. 

"Whoa…" he breathed and Billy was still laughing about something. Steve was sure he could hear whispers and a buzz beyond himself. 

Like feeling vibrations of a web, he could feel the directions of the sounds. 

'Get…...pro….he…" 

"Wher….don….le…..cape" 

"Nee….find…." 

"Can you hear that?" Steve mumbled smacking Billy's face. 

"Ow! Hear what?" He asked pushing Steve away. 

"Shu….wn...elev…" 

"_ That _!" Steve pointed back towards the mass of operations crawling with russians encased in concrete. 

"You mean your heart? Cuz I hear my heart!" Billy paused squeezing his eyes shut. Steve swayed confused.

_ Did they not hear it? _

In fact it was starting to become drowning, as the vibrations rattled inside his mind, shaking his bones. 

He didn't remember holding hands to his ears but it wasn't doing anything to stop the cacophony. 

"Come on buddy! We gotta go!" Hands grabbing at him, pulling his arms away from his head, _ he didn't want them to inject anything else! He didn't like his medicine! It made his insides burn and itch! Made him unsteady and unfocused. _

_ "No! I don't wanna!" Steve cried to them trying to keep his hands placed over his head, moving to cover his nape. _

"What's wrong with him?" 

"I don't know!"

_ Steve curled away from the white jackets, moving towards the solid body. _

"We don't have time for this! We gotta get the elevator working!"

"He doesn't wanna!" _ Steve opened his eyes _ and there wasn't any white jac- lab coats. Nothing, just Dustin. 

"Oh hey Dustin!" He tilted his head watching Dustin fall to the side of the world. 

"Steve! Come on!" Steve was being tugged out of the cart and he stumbled onto his feet. He could feel something tugging on his shirt and when he turned there was Billy latched onto the hem of his shirt. 

"Hi!" Steve waved at Billy. 

Billy snorted back. 

_ Oh and they were at the elevator now. Steve wasn’t sure he was allowed to be at the elevator yet. _

Dustin shoved him into the cold steel and he looked down to see the hole in the ground singed, Steve tilted forward being able to look down to the darkness below. 

“Whoaa” Steve gasped into the abyss. 

“Why isn’t it opening!” Robin cried out and Steve turned to see her smacking against a panel. 

“Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!” Dustin was grabbing his head and Billy was clearly making fun of him. 

“They shut it down!” Dustin cried out, “We’re locked in! We’re gonna die!” Steve blinked, _ he didn’t want to die. _

“We’re not gonna die.” Billy shook his head. 

“Yes we are! We’re gonna die!” Dustin shouted back. 

“Shut up assholes!” Robin snapped, Steve tilted his head to listen to the thumping of electricity. It sounded stopped, crashing against a wall like water smacking against a dam. 

Steve pressed himself against the steel. 

_ ‘You have to listen, can you hear it?’ He pressed his head like the person did. Listening for what he told him to listen to. _

_ He couldn’t hear it at all. He shook his head. _

_ The man pulled away from the light- it stopped clicking so erratically- he held up his hand to let him take it. _

_ ‘Listen.’ He told him, and Steve held it to his ear, listened to his heartbeat. He could hear the thumping, the beat of blood. _

_ ‘Hear it?’ Steve nodded, letting the man’s arm go to hear the silence. The man pressed his thumbs into Steve’s eyes and he sunk into the depths. _

_ ‘Listen.’ And he could. He could see the lines, the blood of electricity. _

_ He slowly pressed Steve’s head into the cold concrete. _

_ ‘Hear it?’ _

_ Steve nodded. _

Steve pressed his hand against the cold steel and could feel the thumping of electricity being suppressed into its veins, a line telling it, it couldn’t move forward despite it needing to. 

“Do you want to go?” Steve asked the electricity. 

“Of course we want to go dingus!” Robin roared, slamming against the metal, a loud thud. 

Steve blinked, “I wasn’t asking you, but okay.” he told her tapping against the steel, closing his eyes. 

He could see the electricity buzzing in a pocket, a control not allowing the door to open or to move. 

Steve felt the electricity hum, and he let the strings fall away, he lifted his hand and pushed the electricity forward into the controls. Like water it ran over his fingers, the hairs on his arms rising as the current ran through him. 

Steve felt the blood drip on his lip. 

_ ‘That’s how you do it.’ _

Steve nodded at the man’s voice. _ He finally got it! _

He blinked as the colors exploded into a rainbow, filling into the steel running into the veins of the machine. 

The door made a small beep and then slid open. 

“It opened?” Dustin asked, Robin didn’t even seem to give it another thought, pulling Steve into the elevator. 

“Your welcome!” He called to her happily. 

“Yeah!” Billy snickered. He was following after Steve like a duckling and Steve wanted to laugh at it. 

Dustin was panicking, clicking the buttons and Steve could hear the mechanics clicking, the door closing and then the floor was lifting up. 

Steve blinked in surprise tilting back into the shelf behind him. 

“We’re going back up?” 

“Holy shit! Holy shit!” Dustin was falling forward and Billy was on a dolly of somesort, his arms outstretched. 

“It’s like surfing!” He called to Steve, and Steve fell to the ground looking up with laughter. 

“You're so high up!” Steve and Billy wavered, falling backwards before catching himself. Steve was amazed by his balance. 

“Oh my god! What’s wrong with them?!” Steve swayed to see Dustin with such wide eyes. Steve reached a hand forward through the gravity and lightly tapped his nose. 

“Boop!” He giggled, Dustin pushed his hand away. 

“Steve, don’t do that!” 

“But- You’re so sweet.” Steve reached again, Dustin caught his hand. 

“Buddy, You gotta tell me what’s wrong, what they do?” Steve fell backwards hitting the box behind him. 

“I’m hungry. “ He stated, “You hungry?” He asked Dustin, then looked at Billy. 

“I’m hungry.” He agreed. 

The elevator was slowing down.

“Come on! We need to go!” A thin hand grabbed at Steve’s arm pulling him back up. And just like that the elevator was stopped. 

Steve stumbled into Robin, his legs felt so unsteady. 

“bAmbiii!” Billy called out- his voice cracking in the middle with a laughter, latching onto Steve’s arm threatening to topple all the teens at once. 

Steve embraced Billy’s arms with laughter trying not to fall over. 

“Stop- oH MY GoD!” Robin cried tugging them both, _ oh they were leaving now. _

Steve fell out of the elevator and stopped at the light in front of him, the sky alight in blue, _ blue, blue, blue. _

Steve froze at the sight of the sky, it was just like when _ he had stepped off the plane for the first time, his ears popping from the pressure and the grip on his hand was so tight. _

_ He had been so amazed by the blue- it was a color he had never seen before; so saturated and bright, like anything he had ever seen before. _

_ He had reached a hand up to grab up at it ocean above, the light that was so much warmer than anything he had ever seen- _

“Man I wanna go to the beach!” Steve blinked to look at Billy next to him, his hand still raised to the sky. 

“The beach?” 

“What the fuck are you guys doing!? We gotta go!” Steve was being pulled away from the beautiful sky again. 

Steve blinked to see Robin running to the parking lot, he could see a large bus. 

“No! I wanna go to the beach!” Steve could hear Billy pouting, pulling away. 

“Fine! We’re going to the beach!” Robin roared, Dustin was flittering about looking around wildly his radio in hand. Steve could hear a buzzing in the air words flying above to an unseen tower. 

_ “Code red! Code red!” _

“Don’t lie to me!” Billy growled, he even stomped his foot for good measure. 

“I’m not lying, we’re going to the beach, we just need to get on that bus, see it?” She whipped around to point at something- _ oh the bus! _

“I don’t like you missy!” Billy narrowed his eyes swaying, Steve grabbed onto his hand without a thought, feeling his heartbeat rumble under his skin. 

“We’re gonna go to the beach!” Steve giggled, tugging Billy to the bus. He couldn’t see if Robin was looking anymore because Steve was now marching Billy to the bus with purpose; Robin had said the bus went to the beach! So they were going to the beach!

“Oh my gods.” He could hear someone sigh. 

He didn’t remember stumbling onto the bus, and he certainly didn’t remember falling into a seat besides Billy. 

What he did remember was seeing men in uniforms piling out of an elevator like ants in an ant hill. 

Whispers of radio signals buzzing through his ears. 

* * *

  
  


For the record, Steve had, had weed before. He knew what being high was, this….this was so much different than that. Because when they piled out of a bus stop and Dustin was making them sit waiting for a Jonanancy- _ which by the way! Wasn’t the beach!- _He was pretty sure his soul was flying away from his earthly tendrils called a body. 

Words weren’t working anymore and everything had an echo in their movement, leaving traces of their moves behind. Steve could move his head and the whole world bled. 

Billy kept talking something he couldn’t understand but he knew he was enamored with it- Billy’s eyes were so sparkly and Steve couldn’t look away as he infected him with his laughter. 

“Fu-..Whe-...” Steve rolled to see Robin speaking and yet the words were like morphless blobs in his ears, like letting water fill inside him. 

He wondered where he was. 

  
  


Then there was a car.

It...it looked familiar, Steve was sure he had seen it before but the color of it was changing by the second. 

Inside the car was people he was sure he knew, the way they grabbed him felt familiar. 

The girl with the wild hair kept touching his face and Steve didn’t like it, kept trying to move it away. She wore a very purple dress thats top looked like it wasn’t fully there. The second person was pulling them inside, also grabbing at Steve and Billy, he could hear Dustin’s voice pitching and moving but he couldn’t make the wavelengths form into words. 

Then they were all inside the car. 

The lights and sky were shifting so fast that Steve was sure he was going to be sick. He could feel something twisting in his stomach pinching it as if something was alive inside of it. 

His mouth was filling with saliva and he was sure the blood was draining from his face. 

“You okay?” Steve blinked to see Dustin looking at him concerned, he was sitting on the floor- there wasn’t enough room in the car. 

Steve was sure he was going to puke. 

He barely thought when the car stopped, he could see Billy already stumbling to the side of the road puking. 

Steve was lucky to know the house; already clambering inside into the bathroom on the right and falling onto the floor. 

There he puked on the floor of the Wheeler’s house bathroom, and could feel the world steady back into focus around him. 

He flinched when a hand lightly touched his back. 

“Steve?” he wanted to groan at Nancy’s voice, _ fuuuck, it had been Nancy and Jonathan who had picked him up. _

Steve was sure he was gonna puke again. 

“You okay?” She sounded genuinely concerned and Steve wanted nothing to do with it, he felt _ sick _, crashing so much harder than he had ever crashed before. 

“Where...where is everyone?” He groaned, spitting again the last bit of sickness. 

“Uhmm...well Billy is still outside with Jonathan I think-” 

“Hey.” Steve was surprised by how relieved he was to hear Robin. 

“Uhh, hi, Robin right-”

“Yeah, maybe we can do pleasantries later.” she sounded annoyed. 

“Oh, yeah I guess- I’m just gonna look after St-”

“Leave the Dingus to me, I have some questions for him.” Robin interrupted and Steve didn’t know if he should be worried or not. 

“I think Steve would be more comfortable with-” Steve groaned again puking. 

“Yeah, no offense, but I think you should go help your boyfriend with the big asshole out there.” Steve let his head rest on the cold porcelain of the toilet, and he _ knew, _he knew Nancy was pursing her lips annoyed, she hated when others tried to direct her. 

“I-”

“Nancy!” Steve froze at hearing Mrs. Wheeler calling out, he swallowed some of the bile in his throat and tried to stop himself from tearing up. He was surprised by how much her voice _ scared _him now. 

He could hear Nancy huff and leave. He closed his eyes and he could hear the soft squeaks of Robin’s shoes against the tiles. 

When he opened his eyes she was sitting crossed legged on the floor looking at him in a way Steve had only seen a couple times. It was an assessment look, like she was trying to read him like a book, but the book was too far away for her eyes to focus on. 

She licked her chapped lips and glanced down at the floor. 

“You feeling better?” She asked softly, and Steve wanted to whine; honestly the cold was nice against the rapidly growing pains in his face, but he was sure his insides were trying to become his outsides. 

“Less loopy, that’s for sure.” He mumbled out, _ oh he felt sick. _

“Okay...well…” Robin paused looking around the bathroom, it really was styled strangely; all pink and flowery- it reminded him of that sweater he had received. 

“Well…?” Steve prompted, he didn’t know why he wanted to make her talk, but the silence was so much worse than anything else. 

Steve was still trying to come to terms with everything that was being displayed before his muddled mind. 

_ Oh fuck, did...did he confess to Billy!? And Mr. Tetiph, and his Mom, oh gods, he wanted to curl up into his bed and disappear. _

_ Shit! Did Robin know about Mr. Tet- right Titov? _

“What...what happened down there?” Steve blinked at Robin and could see her panic, her confusion; the same panic and confusion he had felt when he first stared down the Demogorgon. 

“Can...can you be a little more specific?” Steve asked, and she looked down and took in a deep breath. 

“Well...so...umm, there’s a secret Russian base under our workplace.” She started and Steve nodded. 

“And...they have a gate to a monster world-” Steve shrugged to that half heartedly- _ close enough, _ “-and somehow...you have magic powers like...you’ve got the Shining.” 

“The what?” Steve asked, feeling so sick and feeling the weight starting to land on his shoulders.

“Doesn’t matter-” She waved away the questioning, “just...what?” She asked and Steve couldn’t stop the soft laughter puffing out of his lungs. Maybe the drug wasn’t all the way out of his system yet. 

“Yeah...I know the feeling.” He closed his eyes. 

“Mr. Tetiph was in on it.” He blurted out. 

“What!?” Robin squeaked and Steve nodded against the seat. 

“I guess we should’a known, with-” Steve started

“-with a name like that!” Robin finished laughing, “I mean...What kind of name was Tetiph anyways?” 

“A russian one.” Steve huffed, man his throat was on fire. Robin sobered up and looked towards the door that was still closed. 

She slowly inched forward and Steve wanted to scoot back at his personal space being breached. _ Oh man he was probably going to puke again thinking about that Colonel. _

“Steve...Look, I have- I’m gonna ask you a question okay.” She looked at him pointedly, tilting her head down and Steve didn’t like it. He swallowed the foul tasting spit. 

“Okay…?” 

“I want you to understand- I’m not judging, you’re- I don’t- look...just- do you- are you and Billy-” She paused, looking back down at her shoes, biting her lip. Steve didn’t know where this was going but his heart was pounding. 

“Are we...what?” He whispered. Robin looked back up at him determined. 

“Dating?” She whispered just as small. Steve flinched at the word, the light above them flickering as his heart jumped in his chest, blood starting to drip down his nose. 

“No! No, no, no, no! No, that’s not- No! No I’m not- it’s not like tha- I’m not-” Steve choked out, not able to find the words, but it didn’t matter the panic was already setting in, the blood rushing in his ears. Robin only watched him and somehow that made it worse. 

Steve was ready to dunk his head in the toilet himself. 

“I swear- I’m not-” 

“Like that?” She finished looking at him evenly, Steve watched in a dazed confusion as her lips quirked just a bit in a sad smile.

“No offense man, but I’m pretty sure most people _ like that _don’t protest that much.” Steve blinked feeling sick again. He turned and promptly puked again. 

“Ew gross man.” Steve lifted his head and tried not to be sick again. 

“I’m not-” He tried to keep in the tears. 

“Steve- I don’t care-” 

“Of course you care! Everyone cares about- about-” Steve _ can’t _ say it, _ can’t say it _ . He has heard the words, what _ they _ are called, and he can’t say it, he hadn’t minded Tommy but this was different- this _ was him! He wasn’t- he couldn’t, he was mistaken- _

“No, no, seriously I do not care!” She pushed, scooting ever so closer. Steve blinked at her leaning further away. It was the first time he really looked at her. 

Her hair was wild and matted and her face was red, but most of all her eyes were wide and her eyebrows furrowed in a look of understanding. 

“You don’t...care?” He whispered and she licked her lips looking over at the bathroom door before nodding. 

“No.” she shook her head slowly, her lips still twisting in an odd fashion. Steve slowly sat up fully. 

“Are...are you like-” Steve asked, trying to place the look he was receiving.

“Are you?” She interrupted with a raised eyebrow. 

Steve slowly looked down and blanched at the disgusting view before him. He leaned back and flushed the toilet. 

“We aren’t- to answer your question.” Steve coughed out, “We’re not- He’s _ definitely not-” _ Steve ignored the little _ ehh _ noise Robin made. “And I’m not- I don’t know.” He shook his head unsure of where he was- where he was going with it all.

“Don’t hurt yourself with all that thinking.” Robin snickered, and Steve shook his head, feeling sick. 

“Just help me up man.” She puffed out a bit of laughter and smiled a small watery smile at him. 

“You’re different then I thought Harrington.” Steve shook his head as she pulled him up. 

“I aim to please.” She slowly helped him out of the bathroom. 

“Dude you stink.” She gagged. 

“Yeah, well I did just puke up what little was in my stomach.” 

“Fair point...let’s-” The door slammed open to show Nancy in front of them. Steve really didn’t want to see her, nor the way her eyes dragged over them in a searching way. 

“Uhh, I was gonna bring you a glass of water- we’ve got everyone else in the basement.” Nancy stated, looking uncertain, Steve found he really didn’t like her hair teased like that. 

“Okay, guess we'll head down.” 

“Is...is Billy okay?” Steve asked feeling like his legs were about to give up on him, the exhaustion settling in. Nancy furrowed her eyebrows at his question. 

“Yeah- when did you two get so close?” She asked, tilting her head, her eyes searching all over again. Steve knew she would search for any form of answer. 

“Why does it matter?” Robin cut in, her grip on Steve tightening. Nancy looked her over again and opened her mouth to speak again. 

“I’m sorry wh-” 

“Can we do this later- I just want to sit down Nance.” Nancy winced at Steve’s pleading, 

“Right! Here, come on.” She motioned for them to follow her. 

Moving through the familiar terrain was..._ odd _to say the least. 

He hadn’t been inside the Wheeler’s house since...since he had, had the flu. It hadn’t dawned on him that the house could change without any new decorations. 

The house no longer felt homely, Steve didn’t feel at ease in this place anymore.

All he could think about was Mrs. Wheeler, and the unwanted touches rising up his thigh, the tangle of hands running through his hair, grabbing and pinching at his nape. The grip on his chin and the sickening coo of someone that made Steve want to curl up into a ball. 

They slowly moved towards the entrance of the basement and started walking down the steps. Steve was grateful for Robin to take on his weight, honestly he was sure he would have fallen had she not been there. Physically certainly- but maybe he would have been more lost without her.

Steve looked into the basement to see the kids, Jonathan- but...no, _ no Billy. _

“Where’s Billy?” Steve paused, not letting Robin continue forward. 

Nancy blinked owlishly at him looking confused, “My mom is hel-” 

“What?!” Steve choked, the lights flickered wildly above and the blood started to fall again. “We- we have to go!” Steve pushed wildly at the wall to try and get back up the steps, his heart pounding. 

“What? Steve!” Steve ignored the calls, ignored the pain as he fell and skinned his knee, ignored the bursting lights, and the pop of a lightbulb exploding above. 

“Steve!” 

He ignored all of it and could hear his heartbeat beating in another room like the electricity before. 

_ ‘Can you hear it?’ _

Steve exploded into the bathroom using the door as support. 

“Billy!” He cried out, and there he was. 

He looked, _ awful _worse than when the Mindflayer had possessed him. He was devoid of color, his hair one giant knot at this point, his body sweaty and grimy and most of all bloody. 

Mrs. Wheeler was there wide eyed and with a wet washcloth in her hand. 

“Wha?” he mumbled looking heartbroken. 

“Bill-” 

“Steven, my goodness are you ok-”

“Get away from him.” Steve choked out, stumbling closer almost falling to the ground. 

“Steve what the fu-” 

“Steven- really I don’t-” 

Steve threw out a hand and felt the sore pull of a muscle and the lights above exploded with a shock wave he could feel within his body. 

He heard Mrs. Wheeler scream and he promptly fell to the ground exhausted. 

* * *

“Hey...you feeling okay?” Steve slowly blinked his eyes open to see Jonathan with a wet washcloth. 

"Huh?" Jonathan leaned closer lightly dabbing at his eye with a wince. 

"Sorry...probably a better way of asking. You feeling better…ish?" He asked.

Steve could barely feel the cold water on his skin. 

"What...what?" Steve tried to get up groggily. 

"Whoa! Whoa...let's...just chill out for now huh?" Why was Jonathan _ so nice… _

Steve slowly let his eyes close and he reopened them to see he was clearly in the basement, in the corner where there was a large tarp.

"Where..where is everyone?" 

"They're changing some of the light bulbs...we think it's an Upside Down surge." Jonathan leaned down and pulled up a butterfly bandage. Steve knew it hadn't been the Upside down for this explosion. 

He could feel it, feel it so sleepily, so lazily chugging through his veins, through his heart. Maybe this was what injection B was...something to make him more…._ what? _

He didn't know but he was remembering things now, and with the memories were the sensations of things he didn't know he could do. 

Like de ja vu; always having a sense that he had done it before and yet...he couldn't recall when he had. 

Even now he could hear the electrical humm in the walls in their metal cages rattling. He could hear the lights clicking and he could feel the vibrations of it rumbling through the lines. 

He could hear the tv whispering, and mostly he could hear the radio buzzing. 

"Oh." Was all he said, letting Jonathan bandage him up. 

"And...and Billy?" Jonathan pursed his lips in a way that reminded Steve of Nancy, but his eyes didn't hold judgement or scepticism. Instead all that was there was worry and a cautious nature that reminded him so much of Joyce. 

"He's passed out on the couch over there, he's all bandaged up too." Steve followed Jonathan's thumb when he jutted it behind his shoulder. 

Indeed Billy was there asleep, rainbow and some kind of cartoon bandages on his face and arms. 

"Who...who did..?" 

"Max." Jonathan answered easily, Steve blinked lazily at that. He didn't expand any further on that statement. 

Steve let his eyes trail back to Billy snoring softly in his restful slumber, finally looking at peace for once. He hadn't thought Max and Billy had gotten along...maybe...maybe they had gotten closer since Steve had last seen. 

Steve let his eyes close again. 

"Here drink this." Something cold and wet pressed into Steve's hand. He brought his eyes open to see that glass of water Nancy had gotten. 

He took a cautious sip, his throat aching something fierce as he drank water for the first time in- probably a day. 

"You gave us all quite a scare." Jonathan whispered and Steve could hear the people moving about above. 

Steve hummed, letting Jonathan continue. 

"You...both of you were covered in blood and _ really _out of it." Steve blinked back to look at Jonathan, he finished the glass of water surprisingly quickly, and Jonathan was quick to take it away. 

"Oh...sorry…" 

"No, please don't apologize." He finished placing another bandage. "This isn't your fault." He sounded like he was speaking with so much deeper meanings. 

"We didn't know what to expect until Eleven got us." Jonathan mumbled. 

"What?" Steve mumbled feeling so tired, and so, so sick, and yet surprisingly hungry. 

"Mrs. Wheeler told us your message, so we knew that _ it _ was back," he started and leaned back on his knees, "but then we didn't know where you were until Eleven got us, soaking wet and explaining how she found you and Billy with Max." 

Steve slowly rolled from his stomach to his side, "what do you mean?" Trying to recall the cold relief of the abyss Eleven had found him in. 

"I guess her and Max were playing a game and tried to locate Billy, but...they found you and him hurt in a place they had never seen- and then she said you had mentioned a gate and Russians?" Jonathan shook his head as if he was trying to clear his mind, "but then we found you both covered in blood and-" he swallowed his words. 

"You couldn't even focus on us…just it was pretty scary is all." Steve nodded. 

"Right, uhh-" 

"You don't have to explain, we'll wait until everyone is here." Jonathan nodded, standing back up. 

Steve could hear the thumping of people coming down the steps. 

"Steve!" And there was Dustin stomping down the steps and bursting into the room with a flurry of dust. He was quick to run forward before Jonathan held out his hand, stopping him. 

"Whoa! Whoa! Let's hold on...he's still injured and frankly...maybe he should get changed." Steve blinked at the statement, giving a cursory glance down at himself. 

_ Okay, yeah that was fair...his clothes were completely crusted over in blood and what was probably puke. _

"Yeah bud...your clothes are really gross." Dustin nodded, but a smile started to split on his face. 

"Dude...I'm-" he smiled even wider, "you feeling better?" Steve looked at Dustin and remembered the fear and worry on his face. 

"Yeah man, doing so much better now that we're out of that-" Steve choked on the words next, his mind supplying the wrong terms, _ home? Concrete? Cage?, "- _place." He ended. 

"You bet! You should'a seen us Steve! We came barging in with a weapon too!" Steve tried to remember back to that moment, his mind slipping through the memories like a slide, only snagging on a shadow in the corner of concrete. 

A voice so deep and so...different, that he…

"Why are you all so loud." Came a groan. 

Steve looked up to see Billy grabbing at his head slowly sitting up. His shirt was also covered in old blood. 

"Hey Jonathan...you said a change of clothing was...we could?" Steve fumbled through his words, the words feeling foreign and yet _ oh so _ familiar in his mouth. Jonathan turned to him confused. 

"What..what did you just say?" Dustin also turned to him with a pinched look. 

"What?" Steve asked confused, "I asked if we could...clothing?" He asked, again the words tumbling on his tongue, sticking and feeling off. It spluttered out feeling like glue. 

"Are you okay?" Jonathan asked, looking confused. 

"He's slurring his words! Shit! shit!"

"No he's not!" Billy groaned standing up to a staggering movement, "you're speaking in russian princess." Billy started to stretch. 

"I- I am?" Steve rolled those words in his mind realizing they weren't, they weren't English. The letters rolling into the other ones he seemed to know, he hadn't said 'I am' but something that sounded like 'ya'. 

Billy looked at him, meeting his eyes, and then nodded, "you are." 

"When-...you know russian?" Jonathan asked looking at Steve confused.

Steve didn't know how to respond. 

"Hey! What's this about Russians?" Steve flinched at the loud shout as another tween entered the basement, he really didn't miss Mike. 

"El said there was Russians, so we should go in and stop them right?" _ Ah, there was the rest of the party _. 

Mike was leading the brigade, Lucas and Will following him, and flanking them was Max and El. Then Nancy walked in with an air of frustration and Robin was close behind. 

"Not yet! We have to think this through Mike!" _ Yeah...Steve didn't miss the Wheeler squabbles. _

"But we need to get the jump on them!" Mike jumped into the room just like Dustin had. 

"Could you just _ think _ for once Mike!" 

"Could you both _ shut up _!" Billy snapped, grabbing his head. Steve could understand. 

Billy turned to Jonathan

"Hey fr-" 

"Jonathan." Steve cut in, before Billy could finish that thought, tasting an accent on his lips. 

Billy quirked an eyebrow at Steve and sighed, "whatever." He shook his head, "clothing, and toothbrushes, seriously." He snarled his fingers. 

Steve caught Nancy's snarl, and Jonathan's wince. 

"I, yeah- please could we.." Steve asked, pointedly looking at Jonathan not Nancy.

"Yeah, come on, I'll get the clothing." Nancy waved them forward and Jonathan helped Steve up. 

Steve thanked Jonathan easily. 

That was how Steve found himself in the bathroom with Billy, and brand new disposable toothbrushes. 

Billy was quick to start brushing his teeth. 

"You...you okay?" Steve faltered, going to put on the toothpaste himself. 

Billy spit, then looked at himself in the mirror, "are y-" he stopped, and shook his head. 

"Not really." He answered truthfully. He then flickered his eyes to look at Steve through the mirror. 

"You?" 

Steve ran his toothbrush under the water, "I don't think I will be for a while." He answered, finally brushing his teeth. Billy resumed his movements as well, then finished up. 

He nodded and looked at Steve. 

"Did…" he seemed to be fighting with what he wanted to say, "your mom is a bitch." He landed on. Steve huffed a small laughter, he couldn't agree he really _ couldn't _ but…

"I don't think she really cares about…" Steve slowed unsure. 

"You?" Billy finished. 

"Yeah…" Steve shrugged. Billy looked down and placed the toothbrush down.

"Guess we both have shitty dads and bitchy moms." Steve looked up at Billy and they were stuck in a sort of standstill. Both exhausted and injured, both sick and Steve just embarrassingly wanted to hug him. 

"Guess so." He said instead. 

There was a knock on the door and Steve jumped at the noise. The lights flickering above his head as the adrenaline ran through him for a moment. 

"I'll get it." Steve mumbled already moving towards the door. 

"Oh! Steven! I didn't-" Steve flinched at the sight of the blond in front of him. Mrs. Wheeler's voice was grating as she held a pile of folded clothes. 

"Here!" She lifted the clothing up for Steve to see, "I was bringing you all a change of clothes, they might be a bit too big but they should still fit." She smiled sweetly and yet Steve couldn't trust it one bit. 

"Thank you." Steve mumbled. 

He slowly took the clothing out of her hands, but she didn’t move, instead she stood uncertainly, not moving or leaving. 

“Steve...I'm really worried, but, Nancy said Hopper was already involved so I guess I'll just....” she paused looking over his shoulder, Steve was sure she was looking at Billy. 

“Look Steven…” She leaned in closer to whisper, Steve felt unwell with her in his space, “I- it's not what you think- I wasn't-” She started. 

“Mrs. Wheeler,” Steve clutched the clothing to his chest, they clearly came from her husband, “...I know I don’t have the right to say this seeing as this is your house and you've let us stay here…” Steve refused to look back to Billy behind him, “but I think it would be best, and please, just stay away from Billy.” He whispered already reaching a hand out to shut the door, he could hear Billy shift. 

“Steve it's really not like th-” Mrs. Wheeler looked heartbroken, her hand rising up and reaching for Steve’s shoulder. He could see a smile with a snaggle tooth and a hand reaching forward to grab his chin. 

“Please Karen, please don't touch me.” He flinched away, the light above blinking out for a second. Karen snatched her hand away, still looking concerned, and Steve just wanted her _ gone. _

“I'm so sor-”

“I’m not the one you should apologize to” He interrupted, and Karen looked down to her sandalled heels. “...but please leave Mrs. Wheeler,” Steve started back up, remembering the fact no one had ever asked Steve, “please let Billy decide if he wants to see you.” She looked over Steve’s shoulder, probably at Billy but something she saw made her back off. 

She finally stepped back. 

“Okay...okay, the clothing.” She nodded, stepping away. 

Steve closed the door feeling cold, and turned to see Billy looking down the sink drain. 

Maybe...maybe Steve shouldn't have stepped in. 

"Um...didn't, here." Steve held up the new clothes. Billy nodded, finally lifting his chin up from the sink. 

"You didn't have to do that." He muttered, pointedly eyeing the clothes not looking at Steve. 

Steve shrugged, handing over one colorful green button up shirt and khaki pants. 

"I just think adults should for once consider our perspectives, our wants." Steve muttered. 

Grabbing the other pair of jeans and a purple, less flamboyant, shirt for himself. 

"Speaking from experience?" Billy muttered. already tearing his destroyed top off. 

Steve nodded, trying not to stare to much at Billy's- _ and fuck how did one even keep am eight pack? _

Despite the abs, Billy was riddled with bruises and batterings on his skin. It was clear that besides the russians and mindflayer someone else had left their mark on his skin. 

Steve pulled off his own uniform gingerly, slipping the button up shirt over his head. It was surprisingly big enough to not have to unbutton. He paused at his shorts, feeling unbelievably unsteady at having to take them off. The buzzing in the house seemed to be growing louder and he wondered if he stayed quiet long enough would he hear the husk of that Colonel. 

Billy was now buttoning up his severely patterned green shirt. He looked Steve over as he awkwardly held his waistband. 

He looked over at the door in a way that made Steve think of the way Robin had earlier in the pink guest bathroom.

"You...that guy didn't _ do _ anything to you, right?" Billy asked, ducking his head to catch Steve's eyes. 

Steve blinked back to his world, the electricity fading into the background. 

"Huh?" 

"Don't make me say it again," Billy grounded out, then giving up on the khakis, tossing them to the side to leave his- way to tight- jeans on. They landed in a heap on the floor. 

"No...he just…." Steve tried to swallow, "he didn't do anything." Billy raised an eyebrow but thankfully dropped the subject. 

Steve felt his cheeks heat up when he slipped his shorts off. It really didn't help that Billy didn't avoid looking at him. 

It was with increasing embarrassment he realized his boxers were actually red. 

Billy thankfully turned away then. He was rubbing his nose and started trying to do something with his hair, maybe pull it into a tie. 

Steve slipped the starched jeans up, and realized they were a touch too wide and big, even with zipping it up and pulling them up all the way they kept sliding down. 

They weren't even long enough for him, in fact when he pulled them up all the way they reached his shins in length. 

_ Oh this was just humiliating. _

"Hey man...sorry about calling you bullshit." Steve tried not to jump at Billy's voice. 

"No man, I was being an ass, and-" 

"Yeah, but…" Billy paused as if he was trying to find the words, shaking his head, "I'm just sorry okay, so take it." Steve blinked in surprise at the comment. 

"And thanks...for...sticking with me back then, and for...well.." he looked like he was choking on his own words, as if _ he was _ stumbling through russian. 

"For Karen." He ended it almost gagging. Steve winced at him struggling with his words. 

"I..you don't have to thank me, I wanted to." He whispered, then feeling the embarrassment rising back up. 

"I mean-"

"What?" Billy whipped around and then stopped, his eyes dragged down to the _ way _ too short jeans. Steve bates the way his eyebrows raised and as did his cheeks. 

The worst was the tongue poking out, bitten between his teeth as he smirked. It was then Steve realized how infuriatingly…._ hot _, that made him look. 

Steve somewhat wished he could go back to thinking he had hated that look. 

_ Gods did he really think this guy was hot!? Noooooooo! _

"Wow...that's, umm." He snorted, and Steve shook his head. 

"Don't." Steve tried. 

"Oh, no way bambi." He shook his head with a wide eyed smile of surprise. Steve groaned, and hated the way his insides seemed to twist from hearing Billy's new pet name- _ oh gods was he really thinking them as pet names!? No! No Steve! Stop! _

"You gonna wear those?" He asked, leaning against the sink with a huffed of laughter. Steve ignored it. 

"Look, I didn’t think Mr. Wheeler was this..._ short. _ ” Steve mumbled, the worst was when he let go of the waist the pants fell all the way down, Steve _ didn’t _squeak when he struggled to pull them back up. 

“To be fair, have you ever seen him standing?” Billy joked, and Steve huffed a laugh at the playfulness. It was as if all the stress was finally starting to drain away, finally ending into a ball of ridiculousness. 

“Good point.” Steve laughed, feeling more at ease than he had in awhile. 

“You’re gonna want different pants man.” Billy snickered. Steve couldn’t agree anymore. 

“Yeah, definitely.” 

“You just have bad luck for pants don’t you?” Billy teased, and Steve groaned in frustration. 

“Apparently.” He laughed and Billy for once happily joined, both sounding relieved from the fact they were finally free from stress.

“I’ll ask Nance if there’s another option.” He shrugged, holding the waist back up. Billy slowly sobered up then, his tongue poking out again in thought. 

“I’ll ask.” He nodded to himself, already moving around Steve to get to the door. 

“Wait, what?” 

“You don’t want to go out there looking like that do you Princess?” Billy ran his eyes up and down Steve’s attire and Steve really tried to keep the flush of embarrassment out of his cheeks. 

“I guess, yeah.” Billy nodded looking back down and then clearing his throat in an almost pensive way, straightening his shoulders, squaring them up as if he was about to take on a fight. 

“Just wait here.” He nodded, he lifted his hands and pulled his hair in a very messy bun and opened the door, leaving Steve inside the bathroom. Steve hadn’t even realized he had a ponytail. 

Steve stood there holding the pants up and turned to look at the khakis on the floor. _ Gods….why did Billy have to be acting nice now? _He doubted Billy would care for Steve if...he needed to get himself under control. Billy had loved to use the words fag, and so on, he knew Billy was a macho man...gods how did Steve get himself into this mess. 

And the worst part was now that he was aware he couldn’t shut it off, he had thought the flush was from anger and embarrassment, instead it was from….something even more embarrassing. 

How had he not realized? This twist in his stomach was just the same as when Nancy had smiled at him and kissed him for the first time. 

He was _ fucked. _

And_ why did Billy have to apologize _, Steve...Steve knew he deserved the anger but...gods he wished he could understand Billy sometimes. He thought he had, but his...he had been wrong, very wrong, Billy had apologized...Nancy had never done that. 

Even now, Nancy _ didn’t _ do that….but Billy had...even though Steve had deserved what he said, but...fuck did that not just feel…. _ nice. _

When was the last time someone had apologized to Steve for hurting him? 

_ He...he couldn’t remember. _

Fuck, he wish he hadn’t ever realizedd what he had felt, he just wanted Billy happy, he really did, and yet...everything with Mrs. Wheeler had made Steve recall how awfully possessive and jealous he could be. 

He hated that part of himself. 

That part of him that wanted the person to only look at him, to know there was someone out there that would look at him always, to never want to leave. 

It was an irrational want, one that Steve knew he could never have. And that _ sucked... _ he knew he wasn’t wanted...not really. His parents hadn’t wanted him, hell even his own _ apparently science experiment hadn’t wanted him. _He knew his mom’s ‘pride’ had been fabricated, he knew for a long time now, ever since that car ride to Scoops. His mom wasn’t….she wasn’t his mom. 

Gods he was just spiralling now. 

He just wanted someone to come to him and say he was wanted. Robin was nice, maybe he could find a belonging there. 

For now, seeing Billy laugh was just what he would have to settle for. 

Steve jumped at the door suddenly opening. 

“See, I told you he’s fine, I didn’t beat his head in.” Steve blinked as the door opened to reveal Billy scowling at Nancy. 

“So can I have those shorts now.” 

Nancy pursed her lips at Billy, “I didn’t say you hurt him, I just-”

“You implied it Priss Bitch.” Billy snarled, hand still outstretched for some obscenely yellow shorts. Steve blanched at his words.

“Bill-” 

“What did you just say to me!?” Nancy roared, standing in Billy’s space. Steve didn’t know _ what to do about that. _Nancy was a force to reckon with, but Billy was something else. 

“I asked for the shorts.” Billy raised an eyebrow, and honestly all of this was beyond his comprehension. 

“Can you for once not be an asshole Hargro-” 

“Hey! Hey!” Steve finally stepped forward, the pants slipping awkwardly. “Hi, hello, can we maybe not?” 

Billy looked at him looking angry but his eyes slipped to the pants and Steve was surprised to see his cheeks starting to lift. _ Oh great, Billy was trying not to laugh at him again. _

“Can I just have the shorts, please.” Steve bit his lip looking away. 

“Right, here Ste-” Billy snatched the shorts out of her hands in a form of pettiness. Steve sighed as Billy raised an eyebrow at Nancy then slowly lifted the shorts off to Steve. 

“Really Hargrove?” Nancy asked, tilting her head in a way that just _ read _ she was ready for a fight. Billy smirked with a tongue poking out of his mouth in a perfect terrorizing moment. 

Steve really needed to shut this down. 

“Anyways, thank you,” Steve pulled the shorts to see they definitely hadn’t come from Mr. Wheeler. He was so caught up in the horror that his own pants began to slip as he held the shorts all the way up. 

“Stev-” 

“Okay! Bye Wheeler!” Billy pushed her out of the way and slammed the bathroom door closed with Billy inside. Steve could hear Nancy’s indignant cry as she was shut out. 

Steve ignored the fact the pants were now all the way down to the ground. 

“Where...where did these shorts come from?” Steve whispered, feeling a little mortified. 

Billy held his tongue out and nodded, “Yeah, uhh, that’s from the little Wheeler brat.” He answered. 

Steve choked on that. 

“Did you just say...this is Mike’s?” He asked, not caring for a second he was standing in an oversized purple shirt, and red boxers. Billy snickering was not helping. 

“I don’t know his name, but that should fit.” He smirked and kept staring at Steve openly. 

Steve had to lick his lips and swallow to get himself back situated, “I swear if this fits…” Billy cackled and Steve pulled on the way to bright yellow shorts. 

They were actually a decent length and horrifyingly they fit, if not a bit too tight. 

“No.” Steve whispered and Billy fell backwards against the door with a loud laugh. 

“Oh my god!” He laughed. 

“No. This isn’t-” Steve shook his head, _ nooo, they actually fit. _Billy was laughing hysterically, 

“Holy shit, yes! They fit!” He cackled almost falling to the ground. 

_ “No.” _Steve groaned, bringing his hands to his face. The constant sound of Billy’s laughter filled the air. 

There was a loud bang at the door. 

“If they fit, come out! We need to have a meeting!” Nancy yelled out through the door. Billy’s smile slipped into a grimace. 

“Damn she’s persistent.” Billy scowled, finally standing up all the way. 

“You good?” He asked, straightening his shoulders, his face becoming more stony. 

“I guess.” Steve shrugged, time to face the music.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's that! I know this chapter is pretty boring compared to the usual chapters but well...yeah we are getting into the main bulk.  
That being said, yeah, due to the earlier movement it's not July 4th yet in the storyline so we will have to see what happens~  
Thank you to everyone who continue to support this story and stick with it, please tell me what you think! 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man....im so sorry, I rewrote this chapter 4 different times, and really struggled with it, especially since I've been in and out of fevers, and had so little inspiration for writing, I kept sitting down and found I didn't have the heart TO write, and when I did, i hated everything that was coming out. It was terribly frustrating and I wanted to just break down and delete it all, but thankfully i sat back down and tried my best...I suppose that is the best I can ask for. 
> 
> the next chapter might take some time seeing as I'm still terribly struggling right now with my depression and sickness. I've been constantly jumping between 99.4 to 101.5 fevers and i spend most of my day doodling, or laying on the ground crying. its very frustrating, especially since I want to write...but thank you everyone for your support and love...I might be a bit behind on answering comments because of this...
> 
> Thank you again for all your support and patience, It truly means a lot to me, I never want to be seen as lazy or annoying, and right now thats all I can see myself....
> 
> I also had a terrible situation where I had to see my grandmother for probably the last time, and in order to do so I had to travel to Portland, and had some terrible experiences especially since me and my father are not white. It was a very rough time. 
> 
> So...give me some time, this story isn't on hold, I'm just gonna try and get better and get re-inspired by the world.

Steve didn't like talks-  _ wait, no, correction, _ Steve loved talks, sometimes he couldn't ever shut up, not like Dustin did, but….well, he didn't like  _ talk _ talks. 

The serious kinds of talk. 

And judging by the way Billy scowled he didn't either. 

Honestly Steve was more happy to know that this whole meeting came with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (apparently Jonathan had extra in his lunch bag). 

So Steve and Billy were now sat down on the basement couch staring as all the other kids got situated, well everyone but Robin who happily curled on Steve's side. 

She also looked just as happy as Steve felt about having a serious talk. 

Steve couldn't blame her, she really had been just  _ thrown _ in this whole mess. 

Steve ate slowly, his throat wasn't happy and honestly eating felt weird after not eating in a day or so. He felt hungry but his stomach was still twisting with the threat of something awful. 

Billy didn't seem to have the same reserve, instead chomping on the food quickly and gracelessly. 

Steve took another nibble and watched as Mike carried in a little table, already moving boxes out of the way to let El sit. Nancy was also moving more things around, Jonathan pulling up foldable chairs for everyone to have a seat. 

They moved in a partnered movement, all familiar with each other in synchronicity. It was sort of hard to watch knowing Steve would never fit in this perfect set of gears. 

Steve looked back down at the sandwich. He glanced back up as everyone else got situated. 

Eleven interestingly curled up next to Max and Steve had to blink, he hadn't seen them in a while and they looked so much….older than he last remembered. 

Okay let's get started, first of all-" Nancy started. 

"We need to fight russians!" Mike instantly stood up from his spot and Lucas was nodding along to Steve's horror. 

"No! No, let's just- let's get situated!" Steve quickly threw his hands out and he hated the narrowed eyes he got in response. 

"Steve man, c'mon, we  _ can take them _ ." Lucas whined. Steve blinked in shock, _ how could they think that!? They were all  _ ** _way_ ** _ over their heads.  _

"No you can't pipsqueak." Billy gruffly spat, his tongue licking his split lip. 

"Excuse me!" Mike stood up, and  _ honestly, maybe Billy didn't have the most rage in this small basement. _

"Mike!" 

"Nance!" 

"What do you mean?" Jonathan asked so softly over the sibling squabble. 

Steve could see Billy shift to him from the corner of his eye. 

"Cuz we couldn't even handle them." Robin butted in, leaning a touch closer to Steve as if she was searching for warmth or comfort. Billy nodded uncomfortably. 

"Look, it was straight up an army back there and that's without the issue of the mindfucker." Billy hissed, his arm pulled a bit and Steve almost shivered from feeling his arm brush against the back of his neck. 

" _ Billy, dude, language."  _ Steve whined. 

"It's  _ mindflayer _ !" Dustin emphasized.

"Let's just figure out what everyone knows okay." Nancy threw her hands out to take charge again. Steve straightened his back unconsciously at her voice as she stood up in her purple dress to address everyone. 

"First of all, what….what is going on with your voice?” Nancy asked looking at Steve pointedly. 

“What?” Steve asked, watching everyone eye him. 

“Yeah...did you like? Hurt your throat?” Lucas asked, raising an eyebrow up. Steve blinked rapidly in response. 

“I mean...yeah? What’s that-”

“He’s talking about your accent.” Billy piped up, pulling away from Steve to finish his sandwich in a final bite. 

“ _ My accent? _ ” Steve blanched, whipping around to look at Billy. 

“Yeah.” Billy nodded back at Steve with an unimpressed look, a single eyebrow raised, Steve realized it was the one with the scar he had seen form that night in his house. 

“I mean….you had an accent almost all the time in the Russian base.” Dustin shrugged like this wasn’t earth shattering news. 

“I  _ had _ an accent?” 

“You still  _ do. _ ” Robin pointed at him. Steve didn’t know what to do or say. He hadn’t realized…

“Well you did….slip into..Russian? A while ago.” Jonathan pointed out in a hesitant voice.  _ Steve had known that. _

“Wait...what?” Nancy asked, looking confused. 

“You  _ know  _ Russian?” Mike looked absolutely bewildered. 

Steve shrugged, “I guess...kinda?” 

“Yeah he does!” Dustin beamed at Steve like he was filling to the brim with pride. Steve smiled, well it was more of a wince, at Dustin. 

“When did that happen?” Nancy asked, tilting her head. 

Steve took a bite out of his sandwich so he didn’t have to answer. 

"Hey...are those my shorts?" Steve didn't even dare look up when Mike's voice finally pierced the air. 

Steve swallowed the dry bread, and ignored Billy's loud cackle in his ear. 

"I'm not answering that." Steve stated finally daring to look up to see Mike scowling, his hands on his hips. 

"But they are!" Mike hissed, he even stepped closer and Steve winced, he really didn't want to have this conversation with others around. 

"Yeah they are!" Billy whimpered out between sharp laughter. 

For once the laughter wasn't infectious. 

Steve shook his head, "I'm." He forced his voice to go in that tone he used to mean no nonsense, the same tone his parents used, "not. Answering. That." 

"What the f-" 

"Mike! Let it go!" Nancy finally stepped in, and Steve finally let out a breath of relief, Billy was still snickering by his side. 

“What does that have to do with anything?” Max finally piped up. “Can’t we get into more important things!” 

Billy did run his arm behind Steve's back and finally went back to his smirking persona.

Steve wasn't entirely sure what was going through his head. 

Steve ignored the weird way Nancy’s eyes scrutinized him. “So you know Russian?” 

“Yeah...I kinda just found out.” He ignored Billy’s snort next to him. He also ignored all the confused looks running over him. Honestly he was just as lost. 

Nancy quickly shook her head, as if to clear away the nonsense. “Anyways, the mindflayer is back, correct?" She asked, turning to Steve, Robin, and Billy for confirmation. 

"Yeah." Steve nodded, ignoring Billy's huff of  _ 'no shit.'  _ Happy to just be moving on from shorts, and russian. 

"Okay, and why do we know that?" She asked, Jonathan watched her raptly then turned to Steve and his group as well. 

"What?" Robin asked, Steve almost wanted to tell her to take her dirty converse off the couch. 

"I'm asking how you know it's back?" Nancy huffed as if she was frustrated with how long this was taking. Jonathan tapped his wrist in an interestingly particular way. Steve was almost entranced for a moment. 

"Cuz the fucker got me." Billy hissed. 

"What!?" Was the collective cry from almost everyone in front of them. 

"But- but that's not-" Mike was rambling. 

"Are you okay!?" Max stood up from her spot, looking so pained as she forced herself to not take another step forward. 

"M'fine." Billy mumbled to his sister. 

"How did you get him out?" Will whispered in a broken voice and Steve snapped to the small pale boy. 

It became silent then, as if the air started to fill up with fear and sadness. 

Steve could hear Billy swallow. 

"Will?" Jonathan asked, tapping his wrist again. 

"How did you get him out, he's not here." Will whispered, finally looking up to meet Billy's eyes, looking almost as intense as Eleven did. 

Billy looked uncomfortable in the way he shifted, "Just did." He shrugged.

Steve blinked thinking back, "We sweated it out." Steve blurted, when Jonathan opened his mouth to speak. 

"You did?" Max asked, her hands were twisting in her lap. 

He ignored the sharp eyes from Eleven, and the weird jump it caused his pulse to do. 

Steve nodded numbly, "yeah...uh, I have a really big steam room in my house…" which wasn't exactly a lie...it just wasn't exactly true either….

Steve's house did in fact have a giant bathroom that was  _ technically _ a steam room, but that didn't mean he was ever allowed to use it...it was his parents. 

"Good, that's good…" Nancy mumbled, her thumb coming up to her lip in thought. Steve ignored Billy's sharp eyes on Steve. 

"Where was it?" Mike asked, finally piping back up, Eleven nodded as if she too wanted to ask that. 

He could hear the click of Billy's throat as he swallowed, "at the old steelworks factory." He mumbled, sounding faint, and almost far away. Steve slowly blinked, remembering that night. 

“My car is there.” He mumbled thinking back on it. 

“What?” Dustin asked, even tilting his head. 

“I left my car there,” Steve turned to Billy for confirmation, “....I think?” Billy also did a weird blink, as if he was trying to recall it as well. 

“Yeaaahhh….You did” He nodded. 

“You left your car there?” Nancy asked, looking incredibly befuddled, “Why?” 

“We were kind of a bit busy Nance, it wasn’t like we could really think about it.” Steve snarked, he was kind of sick of her always thinking his actions foolish, always questioning him. Why did she always sound like she was judging him, and finding him wanting. 

“Plus he crashed it.” Billy piped up, Steve whipped around. 

“Dude! You crashed yours too!” He hissed, he ignored Robin’s snort by his side. 

“You crashed your car!?” Nancy roared, and Steve winced. 

“It wasn’t on purpose.” He whined, feeling like he was a dumb child in front of Nancy especially when she brought a thumb up to rub her forehead. 

“It’s okay Steve, I’m sure it wasn’t-” Jonathan started, 

“Yeah! Lay off him, he’s had a difficult day!” Dustin piped up. Steve turned to him and smiled, this was why Dustin was one of his favorites. 

Nancy just sighed and Steve could see the similarities of Nancy and Mike then, especially with the way her mouth twisted in annoyance. 

“Okay, so...you got Billy and got the mindflayer out?” Nancy continued trying to establish a timeline, her hands moving in a way that clearly stated she was visualizing it all. Steve remembered her doing that when she was working on a particularly hard question in school.

“How did you know that Billy needed help? Or well...what were you both doing by the steelworks?” Max asked, tilting her head and leaning a touch closer to Eleven. 

“I- well...uhhh….” Steve stalled, and Billy also sat a touch forward. 

“Chance.” Billy offered up right when Eleven said “He saw.” 

“He saw what?” Mike asked Eleven. Steve flinched at the question. 

“I-” 

“Is this about your powers!?” Dustin loudly questioned, “Can you like...see the future!?” Steve felt his stomach drop, maybe he was going to puke again. 

He jumped at the loud explosion around him. 

“Powers!?” 

“When-” 

“What is he talking about!?” 

“Shut up!” Billy finally roared making Steve jump wildly at the peal next to him. 

“Fuck, one at a time, you do realize we both basically have a hangover right now right?” Steve winced and let his eyes drift to the other boy with a thankful smile. Billy met his eyes for a moment, and then turned away, but Steve didn’t think he was ignoring him. 

“Okay, okay, well-”

“Since when have  _ you  _ had powers?” Mike interrupted Jonathan, his arms crossed and Steve was almost half expecting him to stomp his foot for the full image. 

“He got it from the tunnels right!?” Dustin asked, his head bouncing between Mike and Steve. 

“Wait, you got powers from the tunnels?” Lucas asked, “That’s not fair, we all went in the tunnels!” 

“Yeah!” Mike agreed, “Where’s our powers?!” He raised an eyebrow, but there was no room for Steve to reply, the kids all launching into their own conversation. 

“Maybe they haven’t shown up just yet!” Dustin beamed over at Mike with excitement. “Who knows maybe we’ve been using them without realizing!” 

“Yeah, like your  _ girlfriend?”  _ Mike snarked in a vicious way, goodness sometimes Mike was mean, but  _ what was this about a girlfriend? _

“Hey! Suzy _ is _ real!” 

“Sure buddy.” Lucas nodded in a solemn way and patted Dustin’s shoulder as if to comfort him. Dustin’s face pinched up and he huffed when he brushed Lucas’s hand off. 

“Will you guys  _ shut up _ !?” Max snapped, and Steve could really see the resemblance of her and Billy right then. 

“Yeah, let’s focus back here.” Jonathan tried to wrangle the kids, and Will nodded in his polite way. Steve gulped in anticipation. 

“You have powers?” He asked, Steve finally met his hazel eyes, feeling like his skin was becoming too tight on his bones. 

“Uhmm…” 

“What’s it matter?” Robin piped up, jumping over Billy’s own start of an outburst. 

“Shouldn’t we be more worried about this Mindflayer and the Russians?” Robin had a point there.

“I- I mean, powers are a bit important too.” Nancy pushed, she then flickered her eyes down to try and meet Steve’s own. 

“Steve, what is all this about powers?” 

Steve shrugged,  _ 'Do not! Ever! Tell anyone!' _

_ 'Can you tell me what happened Steven, tell me what you did. What did you tell the Nanny?' _

_ 'I'll make sure you never see the light of day again.' _

_ 'You do not tell anyone! You hear me!' _

"I-" Steve choked, the words sinking like anchors in his throat.  _ He couldn't do it...why couldn't he do it? He had talked to Billy about it? Why couldn’t he say it now? _

The lights flickered above, rapidly flashing in a way that made Steve scrunch up his eyes from the pain. 

"I can't." He finally managed to bite out. He tried to blink out the tears that were starting to well up. 

"Hey- it's-" Jonathan stumbled as he tried to reach forward, awkwardly falling over himself, as if he wanted to reach out and comfort but couldn't. 

"What do you mean you can't?" Nancy asked, also looking concerned. 

"I-"

"He said he can't!" Billy snapped, and there was a strange moment where his arm awkwardly landed on Steve's shoulder and pulled him in a touch, almost like how Tommy used to. 

“Yeah, there are  _ way  _ more important things at hand.” Robin spat out. 

“Like how there's Russians under the mall!" Dustin nodded, Steve was so thankful for it. 

“I mean, yeah that’s important, but-” Nancy started hesitantly.

“I’m sorry, are we really going to gloss over the fact apparently he has powers?” Mike thrusted his arm out towards Steve and wildly looked about. Steve swallowed as everyone else seemed to consider it. 

“He has a point.” Lucas nodded, and even Dustin hesitantly agreed. Will looked back and forth then landed on Steve. 

“You...you don’t get powers from the Upside Down…” He mumbled, and  _ yeah, he would know...how long had Will been in the Upside Down?  _

Steve opened his mouth and nothing came out. 

“But then...how?” Dustin’s eyebrows scrunched up, clearly trying to understand this difficult problem. 

“Like me.” Eleven spoke up, and Steve felt his stomach drop. He let his eyes slide down to his converse so that he didn’t have to see the eyes. 

“What does that mean?” Mike hissed. 

“Mike, can you please?” Will asked softly, sounding as if he was physically pained by talking. Steve wanted to curl up into a ball. 

“Please what?!” 

“Mike.” Eleven spoke evenly and Steve didn’t see her stand up. 

“El?” 

“Like me,” She emphasized. Steve wanted to die. 

“You mean?” Lucas asked, sounding confused. 

“Hold on here, what, what are we getting at?” Max asked. 

“Can we just drop it?” Billy snarled. 

“Please.” Steve finally managed to get out, his heart stuttering in his chest, “I don’t want to talk about it right now.” He whispered so small, his body twitching as if he expected a slap across his face. The ghost feeling of fingers running up his neck to tangle in his hair. 

“Okay, okay, we won’t.” Nancy offered so softly, as if she was trying to comfort him. "But promise me Steve, you'll tell us." Steve ducked his head away from her prying eyes. 

"Yeah...okay." 

“Good, okay so, we really should be worried about….Russians?” Nancy continued, Steve didn’t lift his head up yet. 

“Okay, okay, first of all, there’s Russians under the mall.” Robin said. 

“Yeah, we intercepted a radio signal.” Dustin happily piped up. 

Nancy stood up and started to pace, “Well okay, so the rats,” She pointed at Jonathan,  _ rats? _ “The mindflayer is at the old steelworks.” She turned around and started walking another way, “And there’s russians underneath the mall?” Her voice lilted at the end. 

“With a gate.” Dustin held up a finger. 

“With a gate!?” Everyone snapped around to him. 

“Yeah we saw it.” He nodded. Steve finally lifted himself back up to straighten his back. Nancy lifted her hands up to her mouth and huffed out through her nose. 

“Okay, so we have the gate...so…” She blinked over at Jonathan. 

“If we close the gate again we kill the mindflayer!” Mike jumped up again to lead. 

“No...we don’t know that..” Steve lightly got out, slowly trying to get his confidence back, finding his voice again. 

“What do you mean?” Max asked. 

“Steve’s right!” Dustin piped up and Steve felt like he was finally feeling like himself again,  _ had the buzz in the walls disappeared? _

“What?” Lucas asked. 

“Well...we realized the mindflayer couldn’t have come from the russian gate.” Steve piped up. 

“Why not?” Robin finally asked. 

“Well if he had? Wouldn’t he have destroyed the place?” Dustin pointed out.

“I mean...the first lab wasn’t destroyed right away.” Nancy raised an eyebrow. 

“First lab?” Robin blanched. 

"Yeah, there's three." Lucas nodded. 

"Wait, I thought there was only two?" Steve questioned. 

"No, I'm pretty sure there was three." 

"That's besides the point!" Nancy snapped her fingers, "so basically…" she drifted off as if trying to find the correct words. 

"Basically...there's a second gate, or the mindflayer can survive without one." Steve supplied. Nancy shook her head. 

"That's irrelevant." Steve tried to stop the flinch. 

"What?" Billy hissed, "pray tell, why is that irrelevant?" 

"Well, the last few times there was a bunch of gates opening and closing randomly around Hawkins, but once we closed the main one they all stopped appearing." Nancy explained.  _ Oh,  _ Steve hadn't known that...maybe she had a point…

"So we're just throwing out Pretty Boy here's observation?" Billy removed himself from around Steve, scooting closer so he was just barely on the edge of his seat. Steve really didn't care for all the head tilts of confusion from the kids except for Dustin and Max. 

_ Right no one else had heard Billy's endless list of ridiculous...pet names... _

Nancy eyed him warily, but definitely with a bit of spite. Nancy and Billy never really did…. _ meet eye to eye for lack of a better word.  _

Steve never really understood what exactly it was, whether it was Billy's first appearance in Hawkins, Billy's abrasive personality, or the fact he had  _ surprisingly _ been in almost all of Nancy's classes. 

Steve remembered her being pissed about that...for some reason…

"Yeah,  _ we are!" _ Nancy huffed, "because it's  _ irrelevant _ ." 

"Are you sure?" Billy raised an eyebrow and everything about it screamed  _ little shit _ . Steve just sighed, he  _ hated _ how much that smirk on Billy's lips made him look a touch younger, a touch happier, more lively. 

"Yes!" Nancy snapped. Steve could see Jonathan starting to sit up in case he needed to intervene. 

"Alright priss bitch!" Billy huffed, crossing his arms and slumping back into the beaten couch. 

Robin snorted so loud it almost made Steve jump out of his skin. 

"Sorry, sorry, this is jus-" she sounded like she was getting hysterical, "priss bitch, oh man, sorry," she wiped some tears from her eyes, "that's a good one, man." 

She tore into another bout of laughter, "right sorry, it's just this all seems a touch ridiculous." She snorted, then finally sobered up. Snickering as if she was still trying to stop more laughter from exploding. 

"I'm sorry, who are you again?" Nancy hissed.  _ Oh...Steve knew that voice.  _

"Are you serious?" Robin asked, tilting her head. 

"Nance." Jonathan piped up almost placentally. 

"We don't have time f-" Mike growled. 

"Shut it Mike! Yes, I'm serious, who even are you!" 

"I'm Robin." She answered back evenly. 

"She's Robin." Steve tried to help. 

"The tag along." Billy clearly wasn't. 

  
  


"I work with Steve at Scoops." She shrugged, but Robin's eyes were sharp, sharper than Steve had even seen Carol's get, Steve was willing to bet Robin would win any argument here. 

"And that means  _ what _ ? Why are you in this mess?" Nancy asked, still standing before them, almost in a marching way. 

"Because me and Steve are friends." Robin nodded to herself. Steve's heart stuttered in his chest and he tried to stop the heat from rising to his cheeks. 

"We're friends!?" He blurted out with complete and utter surprise. 

"Yeah dingus, we're friends, can't go back on it, suck it up." Steve couldn't help but beam at that statement. Oddly enough Dustin gave him a thumbs up and a poor attempt at a conspiratorial wink. Steve wasn't exactly sure he liked it. 

He ignored Billy's grumbling beside him. 

"Well that's nice and all, but how on earth did you get involved in all of this!?" Nancy asked again, and  _ honestly what did it matter? _

"Nancy, what's it mat-" 

"What's it to you?" Robin asked instead, talking over Steve,  _ oh great, there was two combative personalities now.  _ Nancy did an appropriate double take at Robin's response. 

"Excuse me! Why are you be-" 

"Nancy." Jonathan finally stood up and grabbed Nancy's hand and the effect was instantaneous. Her eyes lightened up immediately, and it was as if all the electricity and tension in her body slipped away. 

Too bad Robin wasn't done; it was as if all of Nancy's lost frustration and been picked right back up by Robin. 

"Are you serious?? Dude you really don't remember me? I used to eat lunch with you all the time with Barb, remember her? I played band with her? We used to hang out more before you and popeye here went out." She flung a thumb out to Steve for emphasis. Steve blinked at that, he didn't know that...Robin had said she had played band with Barb, but he didn't know she had eaten lunch with Nancy...

"What-" Nancy asked, looking genuinely confused. 

Billy whistled in a move of pure admiration, in fact he put his arms behind his head and smirked as if he was enjoying the ensuing drama. Steve really wanted to say he hated him and meant it. And  _ of course!  _ He didn't button up Mr. Wheeler's shirt so his chest was on full view, his medallion laying innocently between his pecks. 

Steve wanted to die. 

"Does this all matter!?" Max finally roared.

"Yeah! We have more important things!" Mike agreed.  _ Gods, how embarrassing was that, here the literal twelve and thirteen year olds were policing them, the basically adults.  _

Steve dropped his head in his hands. 

"Okay, okay, well, so….Russians are under the mall with a new lab…" Nancy nodded. 

"But why?" Jonathan asked softly, looking over at her. 

"Huh?" 

"I mean...why would they come to Hawkins of all places? Why a mall?" Steve finally lifted his head back up. 

He slowly turned to Billy who had steady eyes on him. Steve didn't have that answer, but...but if his mom had been here from the beginning...were the Russians here for _ him? _

"What does it matter, the russians invaded!" Dustin choked out as if the thought was sickening. 

Steve let his head duck back down away from Billy's prying stare. 

"He's right, it doesn't matter...what matters is we need a way to get into the lab to shut down the gate, so we can take out the mindflayer." Steve said. 

"Right." Mike nodded. 

"But how do we get into the lab?" Nancy asked. 

"It is crawling with soldiers." Robin nodded. 

"Can't we ask Hopper?" Will finally spoke up again. 

"Jim gone." 

Steve could feel his blood chill at that statement. 

"What do you mean?" Lucas asked.

"Jim gone. A trip." Eleven stated easily. 

"Great!" Mike groaned falling back into his seat. 

"So the situation is, the mindflayer is holed up in the old steelworks factory, we have a gate in a Russian lab, and we can't take them out without the military which our only contact with is missing?" Billy groaned himself next to Steve,  _ oh he had been paying attention.  _

"So what do we do?" Robin asked, finally letting her shoes fall off the couch as she scooted forward. 

Nancy turned to Jonathan, "well we think the mindflayer has been reaching out to others." 

"What do you mean?" Dustin asked. 

"Just that...there's been something wrong with rats...me and Jonathan had planned to visit some we had met with one." 

"Visit?" Steve questioned. 

"She's in the hospital." Nancy told them easily. 

_ So Billy wasn't the only one? _

"I don't understand...what does this creature want?" Robin asked from her spot on the couch. 

"Control!" Dustin piped up.

"Utter destruction?" Lucas shrugged.

"World domination." Mike stated. 

"Got it, it's unclear." Robin shook her head. 

El shook her head and looked down as if she for once didn't have an answer. She looked so young then, her hair falling to almost hide her face and her form shrunk up. Steve wanted to bundle her up and whisper it's okay. 

Steve wondered for a moment what did the mindflayer want? 

**Burn it all down.**

Steve blinked at the whisper at the back of his mind. 

_ What...where had he heard that voice? It sounded so  _ ** _familiar._ **

_ ‘Come along Steven, don’t you want to meet t̵̙̾̇̈́͗̔̑̐͛͝ͅh̴͎̟͎͔̣̖̬̪̰͂͜͝e̸̯̙͖̮̱̓̉͒̅m̶̟̙͈͂.’ _

  
  


"who...." Steve mumbled to himself. 

"Huh?" Billy turned towards Steve with furrowed eyebrows. 

"We need to go back to the lab." Steve nodded to himself. He needed to destroy that lab, or at least ask his mom what this was, what was everything he was remembering. 

"What?" 

"I mean...we have to close the gate right?" Steve doubled down. 

"You wanna go  _ back?!" _ Robin squeaked. 

"Do we have a choice?" Steve asked. 

"Wh- ye-" Billy instantly cut himself off when the sound of someone walking down the steps came. 

Steve felt the hair on the back of his neck rise. 

He could see Mrs. Wheeler standing there, her hand wrapped around a phone and the other hand had the wire curled around it. 

"I'm so sorry to interrupt, but...Steve, your dad is calling." She smiled sweetly, in a way that read she really wanted to grimace. 

"Your dad?" Nancy asked, watching her mom. 

Steve felt like we wanted to puke all over again. The lights shuddered as the strong buzzing entered into his mind. 

"Umm..he," Steve swallowed the saliva in his mouth, "he, wanna talk to me?" Steve asked. 

Mrs. Wheeler nodded, holding out the phone. Steve could feel his leg bounce as he tried to will his body to move. 

"No way." A hot hand snatched his arm as he finally started pitching forward. 

"What?" Steve whipped around to look at Billy's determined face. 

"You're not talking to him." Billy scowled. 

"Why not?" Steve whispered, his body screaming to sit back down but he knew,  _ he knew he couldn't leave his dad, if he did...if he did… _

He just needed to answer the phone. 

"You and I both know pretty boy." Billy glared. Steve bit his lip,  _ gods Billy was right, what if...what if his dad was a russian too. _

"I need to know, what is going on." Steve answered, slowly retracting Billy's fingers off his arm, ignoring the tingle they left on his skin. 

"Steve...but, your dad-" Steve shook his head.

"It's fine Nance." He told her as he finally took the phone from Mrs. Wheeler, making sure to not have their skin touch. 

  
  


"H-" Steve cleared his throat, "hello?" 

"Steven?" Steve froze then, he had never heard his father sound so uncertain, so scared. 

"Are you with your mother?" He asked, his usually angry voice wavering. 

"No." Steve whispered into the receiver, unsure of where this was going. The line was uncomfortably silent for a long time, it felt like  _ hours  _ before he finally heard the shuddering breath through the line. 

“I see….” Steve had never heard his father this way. 

“Dad.” He whispered into the line, unsure of what he was going to ask. He didn’t get a response. 

“Are you with Mom?” He asked, “Did...did you know?”

“Know what Steven?” 

“About...about Mom’s...the Russians….” Steve ended awkwardly. He could hear the sharp intake in the receiver. 

“Steven.” His voice shuddered as if he was shivering, “I didn’t-” when suddenly the line cut out. 

Steve blinked as silence entered his mind. Realizing in a shuddering moment that the electricity around him was stilling, all coming to an end. 

“What?” Steve whispered when suddenly the electricity cut out all together plunging them all into the dark. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thats it, originally there was meant to be a LOT more, but this was all I could manage to be happy with, or well....okay with posting. Thank you everyone who has stuck with me and this story, it truly means a lot to know my words aren't just falling into a void of nothing. 
> 
> As well as knowing that i can Leave something behind. 
> 
> This story isn't on hold, I will continue, I just need to take some time to be revitalized and to find my happiness again, as well as finally beat my fever. 
> 
> Thank you all again!  
I hope you enjoyed this chapter.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Everyone! I want to thank you all so much for the kind words and Support. I took some time off, got back in love with creating, Watched Umbrella Academy season 2 and created a Patreon.   
I spent a lot of time trying to refall in love with writing and Steve and Billy and Harringrove as a whole. I spent some time drawing some Harringrove art, and reading some fanfiction to try and refind my passion. I think my adoration of this ship kind of came through in this chapter as well as my....attempt to process some things.   
this chapter was actually quite fun to escape into and we are going to get into more of the ship as well as the past of the chapter, but I hope you all like this.   
Please let me know what you think, also...Thank you all again for everything you all did, and all your support and kind words! It really means so much to me!

The world plunged into darkness and the hand tightened on his as the world around him groaned in a deep moan, something that was deep enough to feel in his soul, and loud enough to rattle his bones. 

_ What were they going to do? What were they going to do?  _

The world drenched itself in red, a high pitched whine sounded out and echoed into the halls, and he was tugged away from the otherworldly howl. 

“Hurry,” She whispered so urgently, her hand was hot and it almost burned-  ** _burn it all down_ ** _ \-  _ “Quiet darling, okay?” She looked at him with her rapidly darkening eyes. The red was bleeding into their souls, into their veins. 

He wanted to cry. 

She tugged him down another hall, and he could hear the thundering now, the pounding of a beast stalking the halls, prowling for prey.

_ They were the prey weren’t they? _

“It’s gonna be okay darling, just stick close okay?” her whisper was spreading into his mind, feeling like gasoline spreading waiting to be ignited-  **Burn it all down.**

He could hear their voices over the screeching in the air, he could taste the vile in the air. He was ripped through another door, the electricity humming as the door was pushed open. She was running now, their own footsteps echoing, creating a rapid heartbeat in the halls. 

They were running past all the other rooms, the rooms that he had been allowed to see, had been walked down with a cautious hand on his neck. 

He had never been jostled like this, never ran through these halls so fast.

He could hear the beast behind them, gaining speed, getting closer. 

_ He was scared.  _

He could hear her ragged breath and she was tugging them in another room and then he was in a box filled with the white jackets, some wet, others dry, she piled on the rest on top of his head. 

“It’s okay darling, just be quiet okay? Remember?”  _ Steve couldn’t remember….hadn’t he been...talking to his dad? _

She held a finger up to her lips and smiled something brittle looking like she could crumple into sand right then and there. 

He could feel the cold pressing into his skin from the wet clothing, and the hard plastic of a  _ phone in his hand. A phone?  _

Steve looked down at his hand to see the phone, there was no more red and the world was no longer tilting on him. 

“What the fuck was that?!” Mike’s voice cut through the darkness.  _ Oh it was so dark.  _

_ ‘Where is he!?’ _

“Shit! Everyone okay?” 

_ ‘I do not know-’ he flinched as she cried out.  _

The plastic creaked as his grip tightened, he could hear everyone moving around the room. 

“Think it’s another Upside Down black out?” Was that Jonathan? Steve couldn’t remember. 

_ ‘Shut up!’ she was silent and he could hear more of the beast, ‘Find the boy!’ _

“Steve?” Steve couldn’t move,  _ couldn’t think, the beast was going to find him. She said to be quiet, she said he had to be quiet! _

_ ‘Check the room!’ their voices were so deep, just like the groan of the darkness, oppressive and filled with enough weight to crush him.  _

“Steve? You okay?”  _ and then the world was filled with red again.  _

_ ‘He’s here!’ the clothes were being removed and a hand was  _ tugging him away from the phone _ , pulling him out of the clothes, dragging him into the room of the beast.  _

_ But he stayed quiet, like she asked? _

_ He tried to stop the tears starting to slide down his face. She was crying too.  _

_ ‘No! No!’  _

“Steve,  look at me.”  _ They had her on the ground, she was twisting, convulsing and yet she couldn’t break free.  _

_ ‘Stop it! He’s ju-’ she was smacked down with the black thing that shot fire. The thing that spat iron with a bang- a gun.  _ He turned his head away. _ _

_ She was on the ground, and the  _ hand was so tight on his wrist, a new hand reaching into his hair,  _ threading to the back of his neck,  _ twisting his head in a direction. 

_ ‘Look what you’ve done.’ the voice whispered into his left, the soldier was so much taller, he couldn’t see his face. Steve wondered who let him out of his room.  _

“Come on Steve!” 

“What’s going on?” 

_ ‘It’s time to go back to your room now Steven.’ The woman with the dark eyes was gone, instead standing on the concrete was sharp heels and a smile.  _

_ The perfect woman- that’s what they had called her.  _

_ ‘Steven-’ he was crying he knew he had to stop- mom didn’t like when he cried. She raised a hand and-  _ Steve was suddenly rocked to the side as a stinging slap ran across his face. 

“Snap out of it!” Billy’s voice was so sharp and focused. As if drenched in clarity the world around him sharpened enough to sting his eyes. 

“Chto?” Steve whispered, the words feeling foreign in his mouth. Billy quirked his eyebrow at Steve and Steve could feel his thumb against his cheek moving.

“You were out of it- what happened?” Billy’s voice was like a calming gauze against a  **burn. **

“YA ne-” Steve shook his head, as if to rid himself from the other language weighing his tongue. “I don’t know.” He finally managed. Billy pulled away and Steve felt like a support was taken away from him. 

The resounding silence was almost deafening. 

“Everyone okay down there?” Mrs. Wheeler’s voice called out as she was walking down with a flashlight. Steve flinched away from the sudden bright light. 

He ignored the eyes watching him. 

“Yeah mom, you okay?” Nancy asked walking forward, past Steve- for some reason Billy pushed himself between Steve and Nancy, shuffling him out of the way so Nancy wouldn’t have to brush past them. 

“Yeah, seems the whole neighborhood is out- must’ve been a blown fuse box or something.” She shrugged in a ‘what are you going to do’ way. 

“Okay, yeah, let's get out of the dark.” Steve could agree. 

He watched as all the other children shuffled up and after Nancy into the light, but Billy didn’t move. Instead he turned away looking back at Steve, his face no longer visible in the dark. 

“You okay?” 

“I think- yeah- just, my head must still be screwed up from the drugs-”

“I meant the slap.” Billy cut in. 

“Oh.” Steve slowly brought a hand to what he knew to be a bright red cheek. 

“It’s not that bad, I’ve had worse.” He shrugged it off trying to lighten the conversation, everything felt like it was weighing on him, like his own body was beyond his own recognition. He wasn’t sure he wasn’t still in that lab hallucinating all of this. 

Even in the dark Steve could see the way Billy’s face twisted.  _ Shit! Right! Nice going Steve! _ Billy turned to leave, and Steve for once was the one to catch his arm. 

“I meant...sorry, bad choice of words.” Steve started, and he really wish he could see Billy through the dark as he gazed back at him. 

“I meant- it doesn’t even hurt, but thanks...for snapping me out of it.” Billy nodded jerkily as if he forgot how and lifted a hand up swiping under Steve’s bruised eye. Steve was suddenly reminded he had been crying, Steve ducked his head down to scrub the tears off his face. 

“It’s fine. I-” Billy shook his head, as if he was arguing with someone, “It’s fine.” He nodded, then slipped away from Steve’s grip to walk up the stairs; leaving Steve in the dark alone. The last one to walk up the steps. 

  
  


* * *

To say walking into the light felt good would be a lie. In fact something about it felt...too revealing for Steve’s like in the current moment. 

His brain was reeling from what it had just played back for him, and  _ what even was that?!  _

It was as if the world had faded away, chipping like old paint to reveal another psychedelic color underneath, and the whole time you keep thinking how could a plain eggshell ever cover such a strong magenta? 

_ How did Steve forget?  _ Because that was what it was- what it  _ had to be! _ It felt too familiar, too ingrained to be new. 

If he really tried- not that he wanted to- but if he did, he could recall the distant feel of cold concrete under his hands and the distant itch of hair growing on his scalp after having to shave it all again. He remembers the joy of finally having hair. 

He remembers something hanging off the back of his neck, something weighted and twisting awkwardly and painfully anytime he moved. He remembers needles, a bunch of needles, plugging into the wire, he remembers shaking violently and having that wire sting against his scalp. 

He remembers leather cuffs cutting in his joints and the click of electricity as the lights blinked. 

But most of all he can remember  _ her. _ He doesn’t know why she keeps fading in and out between his mom, like a fish she’s hard to catch in the waters of his mind. When he gets close enough to grab her she sometimes shifts into his mother- like bait; reaching for a fish and grabbing a shark. 

She is distant and fragile like one of the many expensive items his parents bring home, and yet so much more important than any old trinket. He can see her eyes, her warm terrified eyes telling him to remember, to be quiet. He can remember her soft smile and her kneeling down in front of him in the concrete. 

_ 'I know you don't remember me Steven.'  _ She had whispered so softly. 

He didn’t though, he couldn’t, he didn’t know who she was, why she was in the concrete, why she was so kind. 

But if he didn’t give his full attention she would twist and fade, like she was getting too much exposure until her eyes turned light and her hair blond. Her stance getting straighter and straighter and taller as her feet filled into heels and a resounding  _ click, click, click,  _ would enter his mind; and instead of that woman there would be his mother standing in that concrete with a sharp look. 

It was enough to scare him away from digging deeper, her look was always something that was enough to cause him pause. 

“You okay buddy?” Steve blinked back to the kitchen looking at Dustin next to him. 

“Yeah, just...thinking.” Steve nodded looking around as everyone was getting situated. 

“Is this...the Russians you think?” Robin asked. 

“Why would it be the Russians?” Lucas tilted his head. 

“It was probably the Upside Down.” Nancy shook her head. 

“But they didn’t stay off.” Dustin scrunched up his face. Mrs. Wheeler walked into the kitchen with a platter of sandwiches. 

“Everyone okay? No one got hurt in the dark?” She asked, she placed the platter down and her hands twisted in her apron as if she was nervous, her eyes wide. 

The kids ignored her comment, but Nancy shook her head. “No mom, we’re okay.” 

Billy shifted around Steve, making Steve a small barrier, and Mrs. Wheeler glanced over for a moment, but slid back to Steve landing on him. 

“Everything okay with your dad Steve? He seemed really worried?” Steve blinked, as the words ran through his mind. 

“What?” He mindlessly asked, finally shifting his full body to her. 

“He seemed really worried, everything okay?” She tilted her head in a way to look into Steve’s eyes, and despite them being brown he didn’t like them. 

“I- the line cut out before we could talk, did he have anything to say?” He asked feeling nervous, Mrs. Wheeler had already told on him to his parents once...she could have done it again. 

“Yeah, he just didn’t know where you were, he said you didn’t show up to work, I told him you looked pretty injured, and that were here-” 

“You told him I was here, at your house?” Steve asked, feeling his stomach beginning to drop. 

“Steve..” Billy breathed out, sounding like he had just gotten the breath punched out of him. 

“I did...is something wrong Steve,” She reached out as if to comfort him, Steve flinched away. 

“No. No, it’s fine, thank you.” Steve jerked his head in a nod. Karen looked unsure but nodded, looking uncomfortable and then slowly pulled away. 

“Well, here I made sandwiches for everyone, please go ahead and eat, and talk to me if you need anything.” She smiled, it didn’t remind Steve of that woman, nor his mother. 

“Thanks mom.” Nancy nodded at her mother and then Mrs. Wheeler left. Steve quickly turned to the others. 

“We need to go now!” Steve hissed at them with a sense of urgency. 

“What?” Nancy asked, looked confused. 

“What’s wrong?” Robin leaned in closer, Steve shook his head. Billy was in a deadlock with their gaze, he understood the severity of the situation. 

“It’s the Russians, they know where we are.” Steve explained. 

“What? How?” Max piped up, holding onto Eleven’s arm. 

“How did you-”

“Just fucking listen to him okay!” Billy finally broke away, snapping at the kids. 

“Thanks,” Steve mumbled to Billy with an awkward smile, “I’ll explain, but we need to get going now.” Steve tried to get enough inflection in his voice to let them know the situation they were in, instead his voice just got thicker into an accent. 

Jonathan nodded quickly grabbing his keys from his pocket, “It’s gonna be tight but I might be able to fit everyone.” 

“It wouldn’t be safe…” Nancy pointed out. 

“It’s better than being shot!” Robin snapped. 

“Shot?!” Lucas squeaked. 

“They’re Russian soldiers, of course being shot is a worry.” Robin snarked back. 

“They did have guns.” Dustin conceded as if it was ever in question. 

“Can we get a move on?” Steve exclaimed in frustration. 

“Right, we gotta go!” Dustin nodded, pushing Mike forward. Thankfully the rest of them were following behind, Jonathan already pulling ahead to get his car. 

Steve quickly followed behind, Billy by his side. 

“You think you’re dad is-” Billy started. 

“Yeah.” Steve nodded, he had no guarantee but it was too much of a coincidence.

He passed the guest pink bathroom. 

“Oh! Are you all leaving?” Mrs. Wheeler asked watching them leave, Steve barely glanced her way, Nancy stopping to explain, Steve didn’t wait to hear what she had to say. 

Getting out of the house actually was a relief. The world felt so much lighter, the air fresher and the sky was so blue. 

_ ‘Did you know that outside here the sky can be almost any color!’ _

Steve glanced away from the sky to Jonathan’s car. Honestly Steve remembered Jonathan’s car, and this...wasn’t it, maybe Joyce had gotten a new car? 

It was an old station wagon and thankfully Jonathan had it too, seeing as there was no way they would have been able to all clamber into Jonathan’s Ford Pinto. 

And honestly even that was too small, they were getting packed in like Sardines, the kids mostly scrunched up in the back. Jonathan started the car as Nancy climbed in shotgun. 

“This is a hazard.” someone piped up in the back. Steve wasn’t entirely certain who it was, especially seeing as someone’s legs were draped over and hitting his head. Will was practically flattened against the door and Robin was almost on Steve’s lap. It was a little too claustrophobic for Steve. 

“Okay, why are we running? How did Russian figure out where we are?” Nancy glanced back as Jonathan pulled away from the Wheeler house. 

Steve took a steadying breath as a foot knocked into his head. 

“Sorry!” Came Lucas’ apology. 

‘Watch it!” Billy snapped. 

“Anyways, uhm, my dad.” Steve tried to explain, Robin’s elbow smacked into his ribs, and  _ shit were her elbows sharp! _

“Your dad?” Nancy called back turning around to face Steve. He nodded. 

“What’s your dad have anything to do with this?” Max asked, her voice almost right in Steve’s ear. 

“He’s in on it? I think.” Steve offered. 

“In on what?” Mike piped up, another kick from Lucas. 

“The Russians?!” Dustin screeched. 

“Yeah.” Steve shrugged feeling unsteady, and cramped. 

“Your dad is one of the Russians?” Nancy asked incredulously. 

“Not exactly, just in on it.” Steve tried to explain. 

“Wait, I’m lost.” Lucas finally piped up. 

“Yeah, you gotta use your words Dingus.” Robin groaned. 

“Hey! Maybe if you just listened it would make sense!” Billy snarled. Robin shook her head in a huff at Billy,  _ not this shit again.  _

  
  


“It doesn’t make sense, isn’t your dad like...an alma mater or something?” Lucas asked, “Everyone knows the Harringtons.” 

Steve nodded, “Yeah like I said, in on it, not one of them.” 

“So he defected.” Steve couldn’t see him, but he knew Dustin was nodding his head like it all made sense. 

“Wait, so your dad is helping the Russians?” Nancy asked, looking equally horrified and confused. 

“I think so.” Steve nodded. 

“Wait...we’re basing this on a thought!” Mike groaned. 

“What’s  _ that _ supposed to mean?!” Steve blanched. 

“It  _ means  _ that thinking isn’t really your strong suit.” Sometimes Steve hated Mike. 

“What the fuck?” Robin piped up. 

“Mike! Come on.”

“Dude!” 

“I’m just being honest!” 

“Mike, don’t be an ass!” Nancy berated her younger brother. 

"But why do you think your dad is helping the Russians?" Will asked. Steve let his eyes drift over to the younger boy. 

“Uh...cuz my mom is one?” Steve whispered. He could see Billy looking at him. 

“What?” Max questioned. 

“Wait, sorry, what was that?” 

“Uhm...my mom is one of them?” Steve mumbled a little bit louder. 

“WHAT!?” Steve winced at the explosion of noise. 

“Are you serious!?”

“Your mom is one of them!?”

“What the fuck!?” 

“Shut up!” Robin roared in Steve’s ear, “okay, now what?” She whipped to look at Steve. He tried not to shy away from the eye contact. 

“My mom.” Steve grimaced as he tried to explain, “She uhh...she’s part of the russians.” He shrugged awkwardly and the world became significantly tighter as Jonathan turned. 

“Not to interrupt but- where are we going?” Jonathan asked as they drove through Hawkins. 

Steve looked down, anywhere they went would probably be able to guess...they needed a safe place. 

“Go to the junkyard!” 

“What?” Nancy glanced at Steve bewildered as Jonathan turned again. 

“There’s an old school bus! We can go there.” Steve directed, inching closer. 

"Got it." Jonathan nodded, turning down the road that would eventually lead them to the junkyard. No one knew about the junkyard...not his parents at least. 

"Right, so...your mom?" Nancy went back to interrogating, she always was like a hound on a trail. 

Steve tried to contain the sudden urge to scream as Lucas' foot once again knocked against the back of his head. 

_ He could feel something cold and sharp pressing into his skull. They said if he didn't move it wouldn't hurt.  _

** _They lied._ **

"Sorry!" Lucas called out again and there was a slap noise. 

"Ow!"

"Stop kicking me then!" Max yelled out. 

"Max." Eleven seemed like she was trying to calm everyone down. 

"No hitting back there!" Steve snapped instinctively. 

"Fine!" 

"Your mom Steve!" Nancy snapped her fingers to get his attention back on her. 

"Hey! He's not a dog!" Billy snarled, a hand almost shoving Steve back so he could get in front of him. 

"I didn't say he is!" 

"You sure act like it!"  _ No, not this again! _

Steve was getting ready to lose his mind. 

"Billy please! It's fine." Steve whined, practically begging for the shouting to stop. He didn't expect Billy to whirl around and glare at Steve. 

"No it's not!" He hissed, seething, his cheeks were aflame. "I'm sick of her being all high and mighty!" 

"Excuse me! I'm not-" 

"Yes you are!" Billy turned back to Nancy. 

_ 'He needs to be outside in order to achieve his potential!’  _

_ ‘We can not allow such a risk!’ _

_ ‘If you want him to be successful then you nee-’ _

“STOP!” Steve screamed his hands coming up to cover his ears as the cacophony of screaming assaulted his mind. 

He could taste iron on his tongue and the world was spinning, and drenched spinning, spinning, spinning. He could hear screams, the words melding into a sea of noise, wordless and loud, enough to sweep him up. 

**Burn it all down. Burn it all down.**

Steve was launched forward and it finally became endless again, quiet, drifting, drifting, drifting, drifting….

  
  
  


* * *

  
  


Today was different. 

The showed up before the allotted clicks of the electricity. They were more rushed, more eager. 

Today was different. 

He didn’t see  _ her _ today. 

Today was different. 

Today they brought in the perfect Lady. She didn’t smile like  _ her.  _ She wasn’t like  _ her  _ at all. She always had on these...shoes- that was what they were called, that made a  _ click, click, click  _ on the concrete. 

Everyone moved for her, it was fun, they moved as if she had an ability to part them away from her. 

He wondered what she had done to get all of them to move away from her. 

“Are you ready?” She looked at him with nothing on her face, he had never seen her face change once. He wondered if it could. 

_ Ready for what? _

He stepped into the concrete and it was as if the world was twisting again, spinning, spinning, spinning,  _ just like the car had.  _

_ Car?  _

The room was enveloped in red, blood splattered on the walls, and bright red threads threaded together into a colossus mass of a web.

He felt sharp pin pricks against his arms, and when he glanced down the Red was running right through him. 

_ ‘I know you don’t remember me ̴̰̆Ŝ̶̤ͅt̷̫̪̄̕ë̸͓͙́v̶͎̠̎e̸̥n̶̤̟͘.̵͇̻̂’ _

He blinked and there  _ she  _ was again, a soft delicate smile on her lips, the red running through her as well. 

_ Remember? _

The concrete was cracking apart, drifting upwards like the ash of the Upside Down.  _ She _ was crying now, a hand drifting upward to touch his cheek but faltered, her smile was falling. 

He blinked and she was gone, gone, gone, just like the ash drifting up. There was no more concrete, only cold water under his feet and endless darkness around him. 

In the center of the web was that shadow, and the world was  _ spinning, spinning, spinning again, twisting and twisting into that shadow.  _

_ Like it was radiating out, the world was bending into waves around it, sucking him into it’s darkness, it’s cold.  _

** _Do you want out?_ **

Steve was going to be sick. 

“Steve?” Steve blinked and the shadow wasn’t there anymore, replacing that overwhelming darkness was a small girl. She had blood on the top of her lips, and she had her eyebrows scrunched. A hand raised out for him to take. 

She was quickly becoming enveloped in the red,  _ red, red.  _

“Steve, it’s okay.” She smiled softly, her palm out as she reached out, her smile just as delicate as  _ her. _

“What?” He asked, and the world blinked away, leaving only the cold water and comforting darkness. 

His eyes fluttered open and there was his shoes before him, he slowly lifted his head to see Eleven before him, her hair falling down. She had blood on her lip and a cut on her cheek. 

“Okay. Safe.” She repeated, Steve didn’t know what was happening. 

He was still in his middle spot of the car and when he shifted he could see glass around him, cuts in his arms.  _ What was happening? _

When he turned he could see all the windows had shattered on the station wagon, the doors were open and no one was around.  _ What had happened?  _

“Chto proizoshlo?” Steve paused at his own words, Eleven shook her head, “Safe.” She restated, a hand on his arm. 

He could see Robin out of the corner of his eye, Max was beside her holding onto Billy’s arm. They were at the junkyard already.  _ When had that happened? _

“Sde-Did, did I do this?” He asked, tasting the iron in his throat. He could see Jonathan helping Nancy to the school bus that still had claw marks on it. 

Eleven didn’t answer, she didn’t have to. 

“Steve?!” There was Dustin running towards him. Dustin also had a couple scrapes on him, but for the most part, looked unharmed. 

“You okay?” He asked a touch too loudly but Steve didn’t wince away from it. 

“Yea- but, are you?!” He asked. 

Dustin shrugged, “Yeah _ . _ " 

Steve glanced over at Eleven and he could see deep into her brown eyes. She tilted her head in a way, and that was all the answer Steve needed,  _ he had done this.  _

“Safe.” Eleven repeated with emphasis. Steve sucked in a breath and nodded. 

“You...you launched the car out of control.” there was Lucas. 

“I-”

“Didn’t mean to.” Eleven interrupted. Steve wasn’t used to hearing her so much, or so close. 

“Hey! You done sleeping, Pretty Boy!” Steve looked past Lucas to see Billy standing up his arms on his hips as if he was a mother done with her children. Steve sucked in a small breath at seeing a new cut into his cheek, one that was also bandaged up in those same colorful band-aids as before. So Max had bandaged him up again. 

“Safe.” Eleven said again, but this time directed at Lucas, who huffed and looked away, kicking at something on the floor. Steve hated how much his chest hurt from the implication of what that word meant. 

Steve numbly scooted to his side, and Dustin grabbed his arm helping him out. 

“It’s fine buddy! You’re just...confused! Like how you were after your concussion!” Dustin smiled bright up at him and Steve was sure he was going to cry again. 

“I- sorry, my head is all kinds of-” 

“Fucked up?” Mike asked, crossing his arms as Steve straightened up. 

“Dude...Language.” Steve whined halfheartedly. Mike huffed but there was something soft in the way he was looking at Steve now. 

“So...where is your tattoo?” Mike asked. 

“What?” Dustin asked. 

“Well, El has a tattoo, if Steve is like her, where is it?” He pointed out, Steve could see Billy walking closer with Robin and Max. 

“Oh yeah.” Dustin nodded like that made perfect sense. 

“Yeah?! Where is your tattoo then?” Lucas asked, leaning back to give Steve an assessing glance. 

“What’s this about a tattoo?”  _ Oh, great, Robin was here with everyone. _

“Wait,” Billy’s face froze as he had been stalled, “ You have a tattoo?” He questioned looking Steve up and down, a wide leer slowly forming. Steve really tried to keep the blush off his cheeks, he really did;  _ and Robin’s wide smirk and lifted eyebrows weren’t helping.  _

“I don’t have a tattoo!” Steve squeaked. 

“Hey!” Nancy called out from the school bus, “Come on!” She motioned them all to follow. 

The kids huffed but were quick to follow towards the bus, although Eleven did look back for a moment, before walking forward. Steve did  _ not _ appreciate Robin’s wink as she followed along. 

“So you don’t have a tattoo?” Billy raised an eyebrow. Steve looked at him wiping the sweat on his-  _ horrifically short-  _ shorts. 

“No! I don’t.” He hated how red his cheeks were becoming. 

“Hey Princess, I’m not gonna judge, I have one.” He shrugged already starting to walk forward, Steve hated how he poked his tongue out at him. 

“Thanks.” Steve rolled his eyes, following after him. 

“But I gotta say, I kind of have to wonder where you would put it?” Billy smirked back, his tongue wagging at Steve.

“Wh-what?!” Steve choked. He almost fell when Billy ran his eyes down then cackled out loud. 

“Those damn shorts are almost as bad as the ones before.” He shook his head. Steve felt like his face was on fire. 

“Shut up!” He huffed, marching forward. 

“But, you-” Steve turned to see Billy licking his lips as if pondering on what to say, “You good? You messed up that car real good.” Steve tried to ignore the way his heart thumped at the question. 

“I didn’t mean to.” Steve admitted. 

“Figured...uh, I’ll try not to fight with your Priss Bitch if it makes you happy.” 

“Dude.” Steve sighed, “can you not call her that.” Billy’s lips pursed, his eyebrows already furrowing as if he was going to throw a fit. 

“Not that- look I know she isn’t nice, I see that, I’m not defending her actions, I just- please.” Steve closed his eyes tightly, “Please, I can’t listen to any more fighting.” He sighed, finally opening them to see Billy looking down at the ground. 

“Not that I don’t appreciate what you’re doing, I do!” Steve tried to let him understand, “I really- thank you.” Billy’s head snapped up at that, Steve almost forgot how vibrant those blue eyes were. 

“What?” 

Steve took a step back, “What?” 

“Did you just thank me?” He asked one of his cheeks, quirking up. Steve gulped at how cute Billy looked right then. 

“I mean...yeah? I- you know, thanks for looking out for me.” Steve shrugged, ducking his eyes away from Billy’s strong gaze. 

“Yeah, well…” Billy’s voice drifted, “Someone’s got to.” He shrugged. Steve huffed a laugh at the comment, finally looking up to see Billy looking away. 

Maybe it was the crush talking, maybe it was the pretty sky, or the confusing memories but Steve couldn’t stop the soft whisper of “I’m glad it’s you,” while blushing. 

“What?” Billy asked, looking bewildered. Steve jumped back, almost tripping to the ground. 

“Anyways! I’m,” Steve pointed towards the bus behind Billy, “gonna- just, yup!” Steve nodded awkwardly walking away past Billy, leaving him in the junkyard. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it for now, I had more, but Im holding off just for now, I'm hoping to be able to write faster, but again THANK YOU ALL SO SO MUCH! Honestly a lot of your comments really helped to get my back on track into refalling in love with my own writing and story. As well as with fanfiction in general, trying to find myself in a better place from my depression and anxiety, with my add. 
> 
> Thank you all again, we are sure to get more into the romance and the past soon, please tell me what you think, and thank you all for sticking with this story.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!!  
I am back! And with a new chapter! I want to thank everyone again for sticking with this fic, and to all of those of you who commented thank you all so much. Honestly comments mean so much to me and help me to not give up on my writing. 
> 
> I also want to say I am in a terribly tight situation and made an art Patreon to try and keep myself afloat. I have drawn quite a bit of Harringrove for it, but it is mostly a NSFW art Patreon. I understand not everyone has the ability to give money, so I only ask you share the info, I'm on month 6 of unemployment, and my car has broken down, and my school is starting back up in a week. I'm really struggling and any help would be greatly appreciated. Please check it out if you're interested. You can request me to draw anything each month!  
https://www.patreon.com/IzieVidal
> 
> Also, I just want to say, we are nearing the end of this story, but we are gonna be getting our answers soon, I can not wait to see all your reactions and if any of you guys guessed it already

Walking into the bus was almost...surprisingly dull.

He hadn’t been inside the bus since that night, and honestly it felt like it should have held more significance to walk inside of again. 

It didn't.

There weren't many seats in there like Steve remembered, and most of the kids had just piled in cross legged, on the available ones. Nancy stood cross legged near the entrance with her arms cross and Jonathan wasn't too far away. 

Robin surprisingly was laying down on one of the only available seats leaving no room for anyone else. Honestly she looked ridiculous being the only one still stuck in the sailor uniform. 

"Okay, not that everyone is here," Nancy started and Steve turned to see Billy follow in with a wide smirk. Steve turned back to Robin who had the same smirk on, he wasn’t ready for the amount of bullshit he was going to have to go through. 

Steve leaned against the steel wall. 

“So, let’s get this all cleared up, Steve...your mom is a Russian?” Nancy asked, Steve nodded. 

“Yeah, she’s a _ real _ bitch.” Billy huffed leaning next to Steve, their shoulders bumping, it almost made Steve want to run. 

“I mean, I’ve met your mom, she doesn’t even have an accent.” Nancy tilted her head, as if she was confused. 

“Yeah but neither does Steve.” Robin pointed at Steve, as if she was bored out of her mind. 

“Wait...you’re Russian?” Lucas asked, looking Steve up and down as if he was going through a whole reassessment. 

“Y-” Steve started. 

“I mean, he has to be doesn’t he, his mom is?” Max pointed out. 

“Well, okay…” Steve huffed, “For the record she isn’t,” Steve took a steadying breath trying to ground himself in what he was about to do. The amount of panic that was coming to his stomach almost made him choke, almost as if he was going to puke all over again. 

“Isn’t what?” Jonathan prompted. Steve took another breath and rubbed his hands on his shorts. 

“I’m not- she’s…” Steve turned to Billy, who was watching him with a unique look. He couldn’t place that look in his eyes, but he couldn’t keep it for long, looking back down, he bit his lip. 

“She’s not my biological mom.” He finally landed on. 

“Wait...what?” Dustin squeaked. 

“So, like, the stories are true? Your dad cheated on your mom?” Nancy asked wide eyed. _ And when, what, first Hopper than Nancy!? _

“Why does-” Steve stuttered, “Why does everyone think my dad cheated on my mom!?” Billy raised an eyebrow and Robin shrugged. 

“And for the record he isn’t my dad either!” Steve hissed, angry about the way they seemed to act as if they understood his life more than he did. 

“Wait what?” Nancy asked, her eyes wide. Steve recoiled a bit but Billy bumped into his shoulder as if to encourage him. 

“Uh, yeaaahh…” Steve shrugged, “Um, I’m kind of, adopted.” Steve finally landed on. 

“You’re adopted?” Jonathan asked, surprised. 

“Why didn’t you say?” Dustin clambered up from his seat in the back. 

“I wasn’t exactly allowed to say!” Steve hissed over at the kids. 

“You weren’t allowed to say!” Robin blanched sitting up from her spot. It was then that Mike completely stood up from his spot leaning his elbows on the seat to stare at Steve. 

“So let me get this straight, you’re adopted, your mom is Russian, you’re like El, and you weren’t allowed to say?” 

“And you speak Russian.” Dustin snapped his fingers. 

“Yeah, when did that happen!?” Nancy screamed whipping to turn fully on Steve. 

“What’s it matter, he does, there a problem with that!?” Billy snarled, stepping forward again, for once not raising his voice. 

“No not at a-” Nancy started, her hands coming up as if to try and placate Billy. 

“Yeah!” Mike piped up again, “Russians aren’t our friends!” Lucas nodded, as if he completely agreed with that statement. 

“Are you saying we can’t trust Steve?” Dustin whipped around to glare at the other two boys. 

“Well yeah! What if he’s like...a sleeper agent!” Mike threw his hands out. 

“I think he would know if he was a sleeper agent Mike.” Max surprisingly stood up for him. 

“No he wouldn't, that's what makes a sleeper agent, a sleeper agent!” Lucas explained. 

“Shut up stalker!” Max growled at Lucas. Man she really looked like Billy there for a moment.. 

“He isn’t a sleeper agent, oh my god.” Robin groaned. 

"Besides! I can't be a sleeper agent, I'm-" Steve tried to stop the cautionary words of his parents from filling his head, _ no, no he was in charge now! _

_ 'Do not! Ever! Tell anyone!' _

_ He got to decide! _

_ 'You do not tell anyone! You hear me!' _

He closed his eyes tight and took a deep breath. 

"I'm?" He could hear someone ask. 

"Shit is he defecting now?" 

_ 'It's gonna be okay darling.' _Steve could see her now, just in his mind, with a sad, kind, brave smile that Steve knew lacked all hope. 

He wanted to remember her so badly, but he could see it now, she knew their plan was doomed, he wondered what even was the plan? Why then? Why risk it all?

"I'm remembering now." Steve finally managed to get out, reopening his eyes to see Dustin holding Lucas away from reaching a slingshot. 

Robin leaned in closer and the kids all stilled. Steve could see Nancy glance over to Jonathan and slowly walk closer. 

"Remembering?" She whispered as if she was afraid of scoring Steve off. 

"Yeah, you- you mentioned that in the Russian torture den?" Billy also turned to face him, and Steve nodded. 

"It's just- it's hard to explain, I barely remember everything, just- snippets." 

"Snippets of what?" He heard Jonathan pipe up. 

"The lab I suppose, wherever I was as a kid." Steve shrugged. 

"Wait- you're telling me you don't remember anything about your childhood?" Robin blanched, her face looking horrified. Steve tried to contain the blush. 

"I mean- I remember once I'm at Hawkins okay! Like when I was six or so, but before that I just….it was blank for a very long time!" He thrust his hands out to explain, "but now I remember...i remember the concrete," he mumbled feeling as if he was getting dragged back into his own mind, "the needles...the electricity." He caught himself staring at his own shoes and blinking back to the bus. 

"But- I remember seeing the sky for the first time! She said it changed colors, I didn't believe her, but then it did!" He laughed, and then cut himself off when everyone's gazes were judgemental and harsh; horrified. 

The only look that seemed to hold a soft sad understanding was Eleven in the back. Her smile almost like _ hers _. 

"I'm- I didn't, I can't believe you never told us." Nancy landed on, and Steve blinked in shock. 

"Are you serious right now?" Steve asked her, "I told you guys already I wasn't allowed to tell!" He yelled at her. 

"But when have you ever listened to your parents Steve?" She tilted her head as if she knew everything, "I remember all those parties you use to throw, I remember breaking you breaking your dad's liquor cabinet." She looked down at him pointed; which was saying something since she was tiny compared to Steve, but _ boy, did her look remind him of loud clicks of heels down wood. A word of understanding, and then wine down his nostrils. _

It made him want to curl up, to hide away and agree, to _ pretend _nothing happened. 

"Yeah, well, I wanted some attention back then from them, even if it was just harsh words and slaps." Steve shrugged bitterly. Nancy scowled and he could see how almost everyone stiffened from his words.

"And I thought we went over this Nancy," he hissed, he ignored the way Billy’s eyebrows furrowed and how he stared, "I didn't notice, but you _ really _ didn't."

Her eyes widened and she took a hesitant step back. "Steve- i-" 

"Look, I'm sick of you all claiming you know everything about me- you don't." He spat out.

"Hell! I don't even! I only learned I was a fucking experiment a couple months ago! I thought I was crazy!" He started to tear up in frustration and he could feel hands coming up to reach his back. 

"And the powers are even newer!" Steve was pulled back by Billy holding his arms as if he was holding Steve back from fighting. 

“Hey man,” Billy hesitated in Steve’s ear, letting Steve fall back on him for support; _ who knew Billy Hargrove was going to be the one to calm Steve down. _

“Just take a breath.” Billy muttered, slowly letting go of Steve, his breath shuddering in his chest trying to catch himself. 

“I’m sorry Steve, I wish yo-” She paused and sucked in a breath as if she was forcibly sucking back in the words she was about to use, “I wish I had known.” She offered somberly. The bus fell into silence; the air feeling heavier and sickening. 

“It’s fine.” Steve shrugged blandly, feeling numb. 

Jonathan hesitated, “....and will you explain now?” His voice ever so quiet. 

“Explain?” 

“Yeah, what...why are the Russians here?” Lucas asked, looking Steve over like he still wasn’t sure if he could trust him, his hands still reaching for that slingshot of his. 

“I-” 

“Will you tell us what it is they want?” Will asked so politely, his eyes so wide as if he was going to face down his worst nightmare. 

“And your powers!” Mike piped up from his spot, “You have to explain those.” Billy nodded behind Steve to that. 

“Well...for one, I don’t know why the Russians are here, they certainly aren’t here for me.” 

Billy’s face contorted in confusion, “Wait- no, he knew you?” Steve couldn’t help the rapid blinking at that, turning to see Billy’s equal face of stupefaction. 

“Who did?” 

Billy’s lips curled in a familiar snarl, “Colonel Oserov.” He drawled with dripping resentment. Steve was surprised by the visceral reaction he had to the name, his body jerking back as if it could still feel the bite of rope in his arms and a too hard hand on his thigh. 

“Oh.” Steve managed to choke out. He was thankful no one else spoke out. 

“If they weren’t here for you, how come he knew who you were? Or at least, he did? He didn’t in the beginning.” Billy drifted off, looking down at the hard rusted ground. 

“Did he recognize you?” Robin asked her eyes wide and for once looking properly freaked out by the mess she had gotten herself dragged into. Steve tried to think back to the moment, as much as his brain didn’t want to. 

It was like wading through mud, the memories dusted over in the high of an unknown drug, and the ghost feelings of hands pressing him into shapes he never wanted to be in. 

Steve slapped a hand to the back of his neck unconsciously, a familiar prickling running down his spine, as the phantom feeling of something plugging into his neck reared its ugly head. 

“He- there was something on the back of my neck that gave me away…” He mumbled, feeling for something that he couldn’t find, just the normal bumps that had always been there, moles.

“Something at the back of your neck?” Nancy inquired. 

“Yeah, he- he grabbed-” Steve shook his head and tried to escape that feeling of terror that sunk into his bones, “It doesn’t matter just; something on the back of my neck made him realize.” 

“Is that your tattoo?” Mike cried out, stumbling closer, leaving his seat, to get a better look. 

Steve knew he was going to have to look, he knew he was going to have to trust someone to wade through his hair to see what was there, he _ knew _all of that. He just was surprised by how much the thought scared him, how it made his palms sweat and his legs bounce prepping to run.

“I don’t know, but I guess I should find out.” Steve mumbled already turning to Billy, because the truth of it all was that Steve only really trusted three people in this bus to handle the situation in a way that didn’t leave Steve irrevocably lost in his own mind. 

And that was Dustin, Robin, and Billy, and all of them, Billy seemed to have the best handle at navigating the complicated scene. 

Billy knew pain, Steve had seen it on his skin, and every time he saw that scar in his eyebrow. Steve could hear it in the way Billy spoke, in the way he had whispered for his dad when he was choked out. 

Crush aside, Billy was probably the one he trusted the most here; and wasn’t that thought just sobering in itself.

Steve made eye contact with those blue eyes and he felt like he was going to be destroyed for a moment, the encompassing fear of rejection, or wanting to be so close, and yet, the fear for Billy in this unsteady path ahead. 

He swallowed down that fear. 

“Can you check for me?” Steve requested. Billy’s eyebrows lifted and had his eyelashes always been so _ long? _

Steve turned away before he could get lost again, bending his head just a touch to allow Billy access to the back of his neck. 

“Oh- uh,” Billy stammered, he sounded unsteady as if Steve had just thrown him a complicated equation, “Yeah, sure.” 

Then he felt, it; the familiar feeling of hands running through his hair. It was almost unbearable in the moment, he could hear distant voices behind his skull, inside sounding so foreign and yet _ oh so familiar. _

_ ‘Why are we letting him grow out his hair?’ _

_ ‘He has to look like a normal kid.’ _

Steve blinked back to reality, when he felt the warm breath of Billy puffing against the back of his neck, grounding him back into the present. 

There was an odd sensation of pins and needles raking down his spine making him want to twist away from the other boy. 

“Holy shit.” Billy breathed out, and then pulled Steve’s hair further apart. 

“What?” Steve gasped, “What is it!” he started to panic. 

“What is it Hargrove?” Robin jumped up to be by his side. 

“Dude, you’ve got some kind of scar here.” Billy offered, and he ran his finger down Steve’s neck and Steve jumped away. His hand coming up to feel the back of his neck, he could just barely make out the familiar pattern of bumps that he had always assumed was moles. 

“What do you mean?” Steve hissed, rubbing the back of his neck to get rid of the awful sensations. 

“You have like-” Billy’s eyebrows furrowed completely further, “some kind of burn.” he stated looking thoroughly horrified. 

“Burn!?” Steve squeaked, stumbling back towards where Nancy and Jonathan were. 

“Yeah Popeye, it’s- that was like some kind of-” Robin shrugged as if that explained it all; which it didn’t- _ at all. _

“A burn?” Nancy asked and then there were more hands pulling his own away. 

“Hey! Wai-” He froze up the minute a thumb was pressed in the center of his nape, and his knees almost gave away. 

_ He was being tugged down and a thumb pulled away from his head. _

_ ‘I want it here.’ came the gruff voice and Steve had long ran out of tears. His head was shoved down further and then he could hear the singing in the air, the oxygen screaming from the heat. _

_ He didn’t scream, he couldn’t manage to, when the heat touched his skin, when it burned- _ ** _burn it all down_ ** _ \- melted his skin, he was gone in the cold and dark. _

_ He didn’t remember his skin bubbling up, he didn’t remember the scarring, nor the excruciating pain running through his skull. Instead he woke up to blood pooling from his nose and tape on the back of his head. He woke up to a different room of concrete and a tube in his arm. _

_ 'Good morning birdy.' A smile and then pulling back the tape to put on cream, he was still strapped down. _

"Is that a fucking burn brand!?" Steve felt himself land into hot air.

"Steve? You okay?" Steve looked up to see Billy’s blue, blue eyes, he almost fell to the ground right then and there. 

It _ was _a brand, he could remember it now, he could remember how it itched and burned and how it had healed puffed up. How when he first started to grow his hair out it had it he'd even more and the hair refused to grow through those scars. 

"Yeah, yeah." Steve choked, jerking away from Nancy's hands, “Just don’t- “ He tried to get the words out of his mouth, “Don’t touch my neck.” 

“Oh! Of course! I’m so sorry Steve!” Billy tugged Steve away from that side of the bus, straight into Robin’s side. 

“Why do you- you have a brand on the back of your head Steve, and- dude that was injection scars there.” Robin latched onto his arm. 

“How do you know what injection scars look like?” Billy whipped around to her in confusion. 

“Because my mom is a nurse who helps drug addicts.” She commented offhandedly. Steve felt his eyes tear up for some reason. 

“Drug addicts!?” Steve gasped out, his hand still pressed against that center of his brand, where they had always stabbed the needle into. 

“Yeah,” Robin shrugged but looked at Steve like she never had before, her eyes critical and clearly concerned, “And that- you’ve clearly had quite a bit of drugs shoved there…” She drifted off as if she was rethinking her words. 

“Well fuck.” Billy intelligently mumbled. 

“They _ branded _ you?!” Dustin screeched, and Steve shook his head. 

“Yeah, I- I barely remember but,” He closed his eyes so tight he almost fell into the dark again. 

“Anyways, I don’t know why they are here, just that- well, my mom, she- I think she wanted me to come back to the russian base, or something like that.” Steve took a deep breath, feeling like he was going to fall out of his own skin. 

Nancy folded her arms tightly around herself, and looked to Jonathan with a familiar look Steve had seen many times. The look of when she was trying to figure out the next part of the equation. Steve would have been right there with her had his vision not started to darken and the air disappearing. 

He could hear them talking as the blood in his ears became louder. _ Where was the air? _His knees were becoming weaker, and before he knew it he had fallen on the ground, all too familiar hands cupping his head up towards the ceiling of the bus. He could see the window where a demodog had once tried to kill Max. 

* * *

Steve opened his eyes to a loud screech, and he was back in that night. There was fog filtering through the broken windows and the hole the other demodog had ripped open. 

His body was moving faster than he thought he could ever move before, and yet it was so increasingly slow. 

It was funny, originally he couldn’t remember this night, it was a blur and if anyone had asked he wouldn’t be able to tell you what had happened or what he was going to yell next, and yet…

Here Steve was reliving this moment with an increasing amount of clarity. 

It was strange how he was moving and each step he took towards that open window with Max there the world was changing around him. 

The world was bending on him, twisting and at times the metal rusted away into concrete. 

Steve’s hand reached out and pulled Max away from the monster, and yet his hand wasn’t..._ right. _ It was too small, and he was clothed in that same papery clothing he had been in back there. 

His mouth opened but nothing came out of his throat when back on that night he had shouted something. 

Instead Max had vanished from his reach, the bus cracking away and there was no demodog above him, instead a giant mirror was there. Steve blinked at the version of himself that was in front of him; he was small, so small, small like Eleven, small like Will. 

There was not a single bit of hair on his head, it had clearly been shaved off, and it was a shock to see, it was almost like it wasn’t Steve at all. 

He tilted his head back at Steve and Steve didn’t know what was going on. 

“Just reach for it!” A harsh voice shouted behind him, and yet Steve couldn’t see anyone else behind him in the mirror, and he couldn’t turn around. 

He reached a hand towards the mirror and suddenly his world became ignited in red, thick tendrils running up his arm and a whisper in his head. 

**‘Do you want out?’**

* * *

“Hey Steve! Look at me!” Steve felt the static leave his mind and the red cut away to blue. 

“Billy?” He whispered, finding himself back on the ground of the bus. 

“Yeah asshole, you gotta stop fainting like a damsel here.” Billy growled, pulling Steve’s head left and right, probably checking his pupils again. 

“Sorry, it’s my head is all-” Steve shaking his head, trying to clear this fog from overtaking his head again. 

“You still sick from the injection?” Billy asked, pulling away from Steve and dragging him up to his unsteady legs. 

“Are you okay?” Robin was right by his side holding his other arm, and Steve was so genuinely surprised by how Billy and Robin were both there supporting him. It was strange, feeling that support. 

“Injection?” Jonathan had clearly been listening in on their conversations. Steve looked past the barrier of Billy and Robin to see the party discussing heavily with Nancy. 

“Uhh, yeah, um- Injection B.” Steve answered without a thought. 

“Injection B?” Jonathan’s eyebrows furrowed further. 

“You mean, that shit that was in your file?” Billy asked, dragging Steve away from the others to focus on the other boy. 

“Uhh, yeah...I think so.” 

“What’s it do?” Robin cut in, and honestly Steve was right there with her, his mind was fractured beyond what he could remember, crumbling into little pieces of glass that scratched other memories raw, making it hard to even focus on anything in his head. 

He could feel the new presence of this woman who had called him darling and cried so elegantly, whose hair was wild and her smile bright. He could feel the constant click of heels and the new burn of something pressed against his neck; but along with every new spotlight there was a new shadow hiding in the corners of his mind. Obstructed by the burning light, so blinding that he couldn’t see into the dense darkness that grumbled something enticing, and yet Steve couldn’t understand it’s words. 

He didn’t know what was the shadow, was it something else inside his mind? Another memory that was going to finally flicker to life? Or was it something different, something that coiled around him like a noose ever so slowly and pleasantly he would accept it as a necklace? 

It made him scared, and yet his brain was so twisted he couldn’t even find the proper emotions in the moment, leaving him in this sense of numb emptiness, as if he was lost in that dark place with the cold water that never stuck. 

He wondered if this was what Injection B was meant to do? Was it meant to bend him into a shape he had once been? Meant to shatter his mind into a maze of clinging memories that had the ability to drag him away from reality? 

Or was it meant to _ bring out his potential? _And what even was that potential? All Steve could manage to gleam from the torn memories was that there had once been a man who could hear the electricity, make it move and stop like a heartbeat should he want. 

Steve hadn’t been able to follow his commands then, but he could now. 

Plus...what was the reason for letting him leave, letting him live a normal life? _ What did these Russians want? What did they think he could do? And why Hawkins? Had they known about El? About the Upside Down? _

“Well I think our best bet is the mindflayer.” Steve managed to pull himself back to the conversation that was unfolding before him. 

“I can handle him.” El was nodding to herself and the other kids agreeing. 

“Wait, I thought you had to close the gate?” Steve found himself blurting out; all seven pairs of eyes fell on him then. 

“But we can’t get back to the Russian Base.” Steve looked them over again and then he had it; a _ terrible idea _honestly. 

It was _ dumb, down-right stupid _but there was a chance it could work…

“What if we bait the Russians?” Steve proposed. He watched Nancy turn her expression shifting in one of intrigue. 

“With what?” 

“With me.” Steve answered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thats it! Hopefully the next chapter shouldn't take as much time, I'm trying to get as much done as my school is starting up in a week, but I'm looking forward to see the end of this story, and moving onto some other plans I have for these boys. 
> 
> I also am really struggling so please everyone consider going to my Patreon or telling others about it. 
> 
> Now! Thank you for reading, and let me know what you think!


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, I just want to start by saying I'm in a terribly difficult situation financially, and so I made a Patreon to try and help me out.   
Please check it out if you can, I've drawn some fanart from this fanfic.   
https://www.patreon.com/IzieVidal
> 
> _________
> 
> Other than that! Thank you everyone so much for the comments and I hate to say it but this chapter is pure ANGST, and not much else. But we are finally getting more answers. Trust me we are getting there!   
And thank you to all of you that have continued with this story so long.

“Fuck no!” Billy barked, hand already snatching Steve’s shoulder to whip him around. “You are  _ not _ going back in there!” 

“No look, it’s dumb-” 

“No shit!” 

“But! I go in, and while I distract them you all- close the gate.” Steve proposed. 

"No fucking way!" Billy screeched but Nancy shook her head.

"No, he might be onto something…" He could already see her mind moving a mile a minute, concocting a plan. 

“No! You shut the fuck up!” Billy raged, Steve shook his head back to Billy. 

“Billy-”

“No!”

“-listen to me! We can’t take on the Mindflayer.” Steve tried to explain, hell they hadn’t even taken on the Demogorgon, or the Demodogs- that had all been El, and even then that was by closing the gate.  _ Or well, that was what Steve was led to think.  _

“And why the fuck not?!” Billy threw his arms out wildly, as if he was the only sane one in the group. 

“You can’t beat him.” Came Will’s soft whisper. Steve turned to see his cold eye looking into nothing, seeing something none of them could ever see. His stone like eyes lifted to Billy and it was enough to make Steve shiver; that look of haunting, that look that could cause anything to seep into the darkness of another world. 

“You know this.” Will stated evenly, there was no room for arguments and by the way Billy fumed, he knew it too. 

“Fuck!” He sharply turned his head to the side looking back to the entrance of the bus, away from the group. “Fuck! Fucking- fuck!” Steve watched him stammer in his anger, wanting nothing more to reassure him but the truth was there was nothing he could say. 

“We need to close the gate.” Nancy calmly stated, and Steve nodded watching as Billy scrunched his eyes up, refusing to look anywhere. 

“Yeah- and, I’m the best ticket in.” Steve stated to Billy, almost pleading. Robin took a shaky breath and also ducked her head down to glare at her shoes. 

In all honesty it was probably going to end in disaster, Billy was right to be angry- to want to refuse. The truth was; they really didn’t have any other options, Hop was missing, their only hope was the ones in this bus. 

Plus, as much as Steve didn’t want to admit it, he wanted to go back. He knew it would hurt, it would destroy him, but he wanted to  _ know, he wanted to understand, and all those answers were there buried in that concrete.  _

  
  


“Okay-” Nancy nodded to herself, “we need a plan.” She looked over to Jonathan, who suspiciously turned away from Steve’s gaze as well. 

“This is a bad idea.” Robin finally managed to lift her head back up, “And you know it, you- Steve you were-  _ they-”  _

“I know.” He didn’t.  _ But that was why he needed to go, he could be  _ _ useful _ _ . Wasn’t that all he had ever wanted?  _

Steve just wanted to be useful, he wanted a path, he wanted to be important- and this was his answer. His past was there, his job, his usefulness. 

“I’ll agree to this plan on one condition!” At last Billy turned back to Steve. He couldn’t help the soft sigh and turning away. 

“Bi-” He huffed, “I’m doing this whether yo-” 

“I'm going with you.” He interrupted. 

“What!?” Max roared, practically falling over to Steve as he struggled with his speechlessness. Jonathan shook his head. 

“You- they want Steve there’s no guarantee you’ll be safe.” He reasoned, sounding so utterly scared. 

“They kept me alive last time.” He shrugged brushing it off. 

“That- Billy-” Steve stuttered trying to find the words. 

“You can’t be serious Hargrove; you’re going to get yourself killed!” Nancy hissed, Robin nodded in agreement. 

“If Steve thinks it’s fine for him to go in there, then I’m going too.” Steve did a double take at that. 

“That- That makes no sense Billy!” He shook his head in shock, his head still fuzzy from the memories trying to crack itself through his skull. “I’m- I’m  _ one _ of theirs! Of course it’s safer for me- you-  _ You called my mom a bitch!” _

“Not to her face.” Billy petulantly snarked back. 

“Yes you did!” 

“No I didn’t.” 

“I’m pretty sure you did!” 

“The drugs are messing with your memory.” Billy crossed his arms looking like Tommy back when he refused to clean up his room; when he stamped his foot and crossed his arms refusing to look at his mother. 

Steve opened his mouth but his throat just clicked, honestly, now he wasn’t sure. He remembered Billy saying Bitch but... _ had his mom been there? _

“That’s irrelevant!” Max snapped, mimicking Billy’s stance right back at him. “I’m not letting you go die playing hero!”  _ Were they really stepsiblings? The resemblance was uncanny sometimes.  _

Steve almost jumped when Billy whipped around to glare back at her with all the fury he had ever mustered before. 

“I could say the same to you  _ shitbird! _ ”  _ Oh, that was who Shitbird was- should have been able to figure that out,  _ “How long have you been monster hunting, huh? Planned on sharing with the class anytime soon?” 

“That’s different.” Max grumbled. 

_ “No it isn’t.” _ He snarled at her looking like he was going to push her right over. Surprisingly-  _ or maybe not considering that night- _ Max didn’t back down. 

"We had a  _ deal _ Max." He hissed; they shared a look between them. Something Steve couldn't even hope to decipher. 

There was a moment between them, where Max's face fell and she looked a second away from pleading to him. For what, Steve couldn't even imagine. 

"Bi-" 

"Doesn't matter." He cut her off from saying anything further, "I'm going and that's final."  _ And no it wasn't, Billy didn't just get to make the rules!  _

"No! I'm not gonna let you do this." Steve snapped at him, and  _ of course  _ Billy kept his eyeline, refusing to back down. 

"If you think it's too dangerous maybe we shouldn't do it." He dared. 

_ Oh, no, if Billy thought Steve was going to back down with just that, then he was sorely mistaken.  _

Steve was too close to his answers to give up now, too close to finally being everything he wanted to be; he wasn’t going to give it up just because his cr-  _ don’t think about it Steve!-  _ wanted to stop him. 

It wasn’t going to happen. 

“I’m not going to stop.” Steve met his eyes, fighting the urge to bow down and let Billy have his way. Steve needed to fight, he needed to choose for once. He wasn’t just going to give it all up all over again because his parents decided he wasn’t worth it. 

Billy scowled but the way his eyes sparkled spoke of something else. Almost as if he was happy with Steve disobeying. 

“Then make sure to keep me safe.” He shrugged with a smile filled with mirth slowly tugging on his lips. Steve couldn’t stop himself from tilting his head in confusion. It was as if this was the answer Billy wanted all along. 

“So now that, that’s over, we can think about this plan?” Steve jumped as Robin spoke by his ear, he had forgotten who surrounded him. He had been too drawn in on watching Billy’s face as it moved, trying to read what he saw. It was as if watching a painting in motion- like the sky, his eyes so, so, blue that somehow was never the same. 

He clamped down the blush rising to his neck; he really didn’t need the others realizing his feelings. 

_ Hell _ , the fact Robin knew was almost embarrassing enough. 

“Let’s think this through.” Nancy nodded to them all as if she was swearing them to secrecy. 

* * *

  
  


The plan was simple enough; really simple, simple enough even Steve could follow along. (If Mike was to be believed.) 

But insults aside, it really was quite an easy plan. Everyone had the walkie-talkies and they would communicate when everything was in place, and when it was; Steve just had to walk inside. 

The Plan, as a whole was everyone besides Billy and Steve, were over at the mall. Lucas and Max were lookout, and everyone else was going down into the lab when Steve finally called the Russians over. 

Then while Steve was distracting them, the gate would be shut; simple. 

_ Yeah….simple. _

Except, it really wasn’t, because the distraction was Steve calling his mom when he was home. 

Which was easier said than done. 

Steve knew his dad was inside his house, he knew he was going to have to listen to his mom,  _ and fuck,  _ he was scared. 

Okay, he was downright terrified. 

He was so, so, scared of falling right back to his old mold, listening to his parents and doing everything they wanted. 

Any minute now Steve would get the okay to walk into his own house, and he wasn’t prepared. 

He knew his house wasn’t a home, had ever since he was twelve. He knew this house was a Harrington family home, and Steve was not one of them, knew he had no right to call ownership to this building. 

Steve had always known deep down he had been just an  _ investment _ , another priceless let down inside this empty cage. 

And yet; Steve knew no other home. 

This house had been where he had met Tommy, where he had learned to swim from one of the Nannies. Where Steve had, had his first kiss, where he and Tommy had etched their names into the wet concrete. 

This was where he had held so many parties trying to fill up a void he couldn’t reach, where he had cried and gathered all his courage. 

As much as this house scared him, as much as it represented the fact that Steve was nothing more than an expensive disappointment; it was as much a home as the concrete locked deep in his mind. 

“You okay?” Steve fell away from his thoughts turning to his right to see Billy by his side.  _ Right,  _ this time was different; this time he had support. Steve nodded, facing back towards The Harrington household back sliding door. 

They were currently hiding behind a bush in the backyard,  _ they had jumped the fence, _ waiting for the call, Steve was sure if Tommy was home he would be able to see both of them waiting in the backyard like a couple of stalkers. 

Billy for the record looked, sort of good in his messy glory, but Steve was probably a bit biased. 

“It’s not too late to back out.” 

“Back out?” Steve choked on a laugh whipping to the blond beside him, “Billy Hargrove suggesting to step away from a fight? Now Hell really did freeze over.” Steve chuckled. Billy didn’t hold his same humor. 

“Yeah, well, even Billy Hargrove knows when to not be chasing fights.” His face was hard as stone, his eyes stormy and all Steve wanted to do was hug him and brush his wild frizzy hair away from his face. 

He didn’t.

“Do you want to back out?” Steve whispered, hoping that Billy didn’t. As much as the thought had originally terrified Steve, he was happy he wasn’t alone during this. Facing his parents alone was scarier than the Mindflayer. 

“And leave you to the wolves by yourself? Fuck no.” Billy shook his head. 

Steve hated how his heart jumped at that statement. He hated how quick he fell. It just wasn’t fair. 

  
  


Steve turned back towards the sliding door. He couldn’t see anyone inside, but he had seen his dad’s black car parked in the long driveway. His father was inside somewhere, that was for sure. 

“Hey.” Billy offered as they were still crouched. 

Steve barely glanced his way but kept his eyes back on the glass door. 

“Yeah?” He could hear Billy shift next to him. 

“Do you remember what you said in the Russian lab?” Billy asked, painfully quiet. Steve blinked and could feel his hands sweating, he pressed them against his yellow shorts. 

“Um, kinda, when exactly?” Steve bit his lip, his heart starting to jump in his throat. 

“When we were drugged.” Billy stated, Steve pointedly didn’t turn to him. He didn’t know what to say, didn’t know how to respond. Steve shrugged half heartedly, fighting the urge to puke. He  _ really _ didn’t want to have this conversation with Billy of all people.  _ Hell,  _ he didn’t even really want to have this conversation with himself, especially not outside of his house, when he was about to do something so  _ incredibly  _ stupid. 

“You said something,” Billy paused as if he was chewing over his words, “interesting...”

Steve gulped, “Oh? I don’t really- what did I say?” 

“You said you were jealous, but- you didn’t want Mrs. Wheeler.” Steve was sure he was going to pass out. This wasn’t happening,  _ it just wasn’t happening, he was refusing it.  _

“Oh.” Steve choked, jerking his head in an odd attempt to nod. 

“Who did...Who were you jealous of?” Billy asked and Steve could see him turn towards him. Steve didn’t know what to say, his mind running a mile a minute spinning out of control, which was saying something seeing as his mind was currently on a one way ticket to crashing. 

“I don’t really rem-”

“Don’t lie to me.” Billy cut him off before he could back out. “Please.” His voice was so impossibly small that Steve was almost sure he had imagined it. 

Billy sounded like his heart was about to shatter before them both. Steve slowly turned to the other boy hesitantly. 

Steve felt his stomach drop, but goodness did his heart thump wildly. Billy was so, so beautiful. Steve hadn’t really noticed how there was a dusting of freckles upon his cheeks, clearly kissed there from the sun. His skin had tanned in the summer and it only framed his eyes to make them much more saturated. 

“I- I was-” 

“Team Distraction we are ready to go!” The radio crackled to life in Steve’s hand causing both boys to jump away from each other. 

“Oh.” Steve gasped looking down at the radio. “Uh, B-” He turned to see Billy already standing up leaving, heading towards the back door. 

“Come on, we better get this started.” Billy ordered, already reaching the sliding glass door not looking over at Steve. 

Steve nodded numbly, surprised by the fact he was going to admit his own crush. 

He really had gotten too far gone lately, he needed to get his head back on, he needed to stop getting lost. 

He needed to get focused. 

Steve stood up and followed after Billy who had paused by the door. He couldn’t stop his eyes from falling down to the empty pool, the concrete cracked at the bottom. He closed his eyes and turned back towards the door, rolling his shoulders preparing for what was to come. 

Steve nodded to Billy who slid the door open and Steve clicked the radio back on, “We are in place, go ahead Gate Team.” Steve whispered and then turned it off, dropping it down on the floor. 

They couldn’t give his parents any clues as to what was happening. They were both so smart compared to Steve, but this time he had help, he could do this,  _ he could do this.  _

  
  


Honestly walking past the threshold was odd, the room was still pristine, the uncomfortable white couches still in place. In fact the place looked picturesque, like something out of a catalogue. 

Nothing showed outwardly what had lurked inside the foundations of this house. 

Steve closed his eyes and looked over, he could hear footsteps down in the hall; his father’s Office. 

“You good?” Billy asked, Steve tilted his head in response. 

“No.” He whispered back, he started to walk down the hall. 

The hallway was disheveled, in fact Steve was horrified to see a smear of blood dragged across the wall. Steve sucked in a breath, someone had clearly fallen down this hall, stumbled by in their injury. 

“Shit.” Billy mumbled under his breath, and Steve had to agree. 

Steve slowly walked until he reached the break of carpet to wood. He lifted his head back up to gaze at the door, there was a bloody handprint on the dark wood staining it in darkness. He could hear heavy footsteps pacing through the wood. 

Steve reached out placing his hand on that dried blood and pushed the door open. 

Inside Steve’s eyes met a light blue. His father was frozen staring at Steve with wide fearful eyes, his broken nose, blood falling down from the crack at the bridge. 

“Steven.” Steve felt his shoulders tighten as he stood up straighter. His father’s voice was gravely, significantly less strong than his usual tone. It made Steve nervous. 

“Y-” His father choked, making Steve jump, “I didn’t- I swea-” He closed his eyes and shook his head grabbing another tissue to dab at his nose. The blood was falling down his face and onto his light blue button up shirt. “Your Mother has been looking for you.” He looked up Steve in an almost pleading way. 

Steve nodded and he could feel Billy slowly walking up behind him. “I know.” 

His father nodded back stiffly and then walked around his desk to pull up a phone dialing, most likely Steve’s mother.  _ Good. _

His father sat down in his leather chair and looked exhausted as he held the phone to his ear. His eyes were closed and his eyebrows furrowed in his pain. 

“He’s come home.” He stated into the receiver and sighed as the dial tone sounded out. 

He collapsed in on himself and Steve wasn’t sure how to handle it, he had never seen his father so broken, so tired, and it almost made Steve sick. What gave his father the right to look so tired, why did he get to sound tired and scared. 

“Steven.” He stated as he placed the phone back. Steve looked him over as his father didn’t raise his head to face him. “I’m-” He sighed and shook his head, “I didn’t know about your mother.” 

Steve slowly walked over the split into the office, Billy right by his side. 

“Okay.” 

Steve could hear Billy biting his tongue next to him. 

“She’s coming here?” Steve asked and his father nodded stiffly. He tried to contain the horror that sat within himself at that statement,  _ this is what they wanted...this was the plan, he wanted this, he wasn’t scared. He wasn’t.  _

“I’m glad you came h-” 

“Who did that?” Billy interrupted, pointing boisterously at his dad’s broken noise. Steve watched as his father sniffed something painful and scowled at being interrupted. Steve had enough experience to know you didn’t speak over him. 

But then again, Billy never did do things the way Steve was used to. 

“Who is this?” He asked,  _ oh, there was his dad.  _ Steve wondered where he had been. 

“He’s no-” 

“Billy Hargrove, sir.” Billy stated, leaning on the alcohol cabinet he had originally broken into that first morning. 

Steve turned to look at Billy who stood with his cocky smirk, and tongue pinned in between his teeth. He didn’t really want his dad having Billy’s information, definitely not his name! But well, his mother already knew about him…

“A friend of yours?” His father asked and Steve looked back at him. 

“Yes.” Steve nodded, adamantly. 

His father nodded, and looked him over, running his eyes up and down over Billy as if he was a stake that wasn’t cooked the proper way he wanted. 

“So, is this what started your- hoodlum activities?” Steve blinked at that, uncertain of what he had just heard. 

“Are you…” Steve gaped at his dad, “Are you seriously trying to shame me right now?” He wanted to know. 

His father sighed and turned his head away from them, to that window where they could all see the concrete pit of a pool. 

“I just don’t understand why you would do this Steven, if you had just- if you had been quiet and a good son, maybe none of this would have happened and I wouldn’t be in threat of losing my life!” He snapped, a hand slamming down on the desk, causing Steve to unconsciously jump in fear. Billy didn’t instead he stiffened and moved a touch closer to Steve. 

“Are you kidding me?” Steve hissed, “I didn’t do  _ shit!”  _

“Don’t take that tone with me young man!” He jabbed a finger out towards Steve and he tried to contain the way his lungs stuttered in his chest. 

“Hey, how about taking responsibility asshole!” Billy roared beside Steve, and Steve was quick to grab his hand pulling him back away from his already injured father. 

“Who are you to talk to me that way-” 

“Shut up Andrew!” Steve snapped at his dad, flinching at his own surprise. “You don’t-” Steve tried to get himself to not back down, to stand his ground.  _ Plant your feet. _

“You don’t get to blame this on me, you were the one that married Mom, and bought me- you got yourself in this mess!” Steve chided his father, who snarled with just as much force back. 

The fire was back just as Steve could remember, his neck tingling as his father stood up with a burning fury. 

Billy slammed Steve backwards almost falling against the ground when the harsh slam of the front door was heard. 

Everyone froze and Steve’s heart started fluttering when a familiar  _ click, click, click,  _ was heard. 

His father slowly sat down as if the strings on him were cut, “Shit,” He breathed silently staring at the door behind Steve. 

It was as if the air was sucked out of the room when she appeared in the doorway. Her blond hair was perfectly styled and in a high bun. She looked so out of place against the rest of them in the Study. 

She still had a lab coat on and her cold eyes slowly drifted over them all, and landed on his father with a raised eyebrow. 

"Andrew, you can leave." She stated easily, and Steve watched his dad shudder as if he was just as scared of her as Steve, himself was. 

Steve watched his dad pause after he passed his mom, he looked back at them and there was a strange moment where it looked like he was going to intervene. He didn't, instead he turned back and left the Study. 

His mom then smiled evenly at Steve looking him up then down, in an assessment. 

“Have you finally come to your senses?” She raised her eyebrows. Steve gulped in response, his eyes flickering to Billy to see him also tense, Steve looked back at his mother and then nodded. 

She tilted her head in response, and slowly looked over the room, she then folded her arms in place and locked eyes with Steve. He fought the urge to duck his head down. 

“I’m surprised Steven,” She drawled as she walked closer, her hand drifting to slide over the wall. "I didn't expect you to be able to escape." She closed her eyes and Billy slowly shifted towards Steve, both of them tense,  _ why was she alone?  _

_ Wasn't...the plan was the soldiers left to grab Steve… _

"We had shut the power off for the central elevator." She then opened her icy eyes back open to look at him, he almost wanted to hide from that gaze. 

"I remembered..I got it moving again." Steve answered, despite it not being a question. 

"That much is obvious." She stated, "so Steven, what is your plan?" 

Steve felt his blood freeze over. "What?" 

"Honestly Steven, did you think me daft?" Her voice listed and Steve could see Billy flinch from the corner of his eye. 

"N-no i-" 

"Save me the excuses." She cut him off, his mouth snapping shut from years of experience.

"Tell me- what is the plan? Drag me and my men out here? To sneak someone in? Did you really think that would work?"  _ No, no, shit! He should have known! He should have known she would figure it out! She was smart, smarter than Steve could ever hope to be.  _

"No!" Billy snapped and his mother turned her icy glare towards him, "if you think that's our plan, you're the dumbass!" 

" _ Ah,"  _ she sighed, as if Billy was a mere fly that was pestering her, "the foul mouthed boy." She clicked her tongue and looked Billy over. 

"I see the Wheelers took you in, Karen was very helpful in that." To Steve's horror his mother took a step forward and made sure to meet Billy’s own eyes. The blue clashing together, ice and fire, and Billy was losing. 

"Let me guess, William Hargrove?" She started, "came here from Santa Monica?" Billy scowled harder. 

"Oh whoop-de-doo, you did your homework, congrats bitch." It didn't matter what his words were saying Steve could see the way his hairline was dampening; he was sweating. 

Surprisingly his mother didn't react to the 'bitch' comment, instead her smile became sweet, kind,  _ false _ . 

"Oh, William, you think that's homework?" She stepped closer to Billy, and all Steve could do was watch, his body frozen, tied down by years of weighted fear. 

"Tell me, who called off your date? Karen? Or you?" Steve blinked up in shock at his mother. 

"Wh-" Steve whispered, Billy looked just as surprised. 

"Honestly William, talking at the public pool? It's as if you wanted to be caught; everyone knows Grace loves to gossip."  _ Grace...Carol's mom _ . Billy twitched for a second but still stayed headstrong. 

"I assume it was you who called it off, after all, we both know Karen isn't exactly your  _ type _ ." Billy faltered then. He stumbled back and almost fell against the desk behind them, his face pale. 

Steve couldn't even comprehend what it was his mother was threatening him with. 

"H-ho-" 

"How did I know?" His mother took another step, the  _ click _ rung out like a gunshot. 

"You think your little stint at great old California was swept under the rug?" Billy practically fell down to the ground and Steve's heart broke in half. 

"N-no i- no one saw-" 

"No of course not- but your father sure did have some choice words about the other-" she ran her eyes over Billy and curled her lips even further "-  _ deviant _ ." Steve could see tears started to fall. 

He didn't remember making his legs move but when he blinked suddenly he was there in front of his mother staring her down instead of Billy. 

"Leave him out of this!" Steve hissed, "this is about us." His mom blinked and schooled her face back into her normal stone place. 

"I don't have time to play games with you Steven-" 

"It's not a game!" Steve gushed out,  _ she couldn't find out the plan!  _

She only stared in response, bored, Steve was only annoying her. 

"I don't have a plan- I wanted to- I wanna go back." Steve landed on. 

_ "Oh?" _

Steve took that as a sign to continue, "I wanna go back to the lab, that's why I called up here, just I wanna go." He didn't realize he had let his head fall down. 

He felt cold fingertips lifting his head back up and his brown met those icy blue again. She looked kind, just like she did when Steve had been sick and she had helped nurse him back. 

"Why?" She asked softly, the word not matching the sound at all.  _ Oh it was in Russian… _

"Ya khochu pomnit'" Steve whispered back in that language;  _ he wanted to remember. _ Her eyes gleamed at that answer, and she cupped his cheeks  _ oh so  _ gently. 

She looked so impossibly pleased, and she even brushed Steve’s hair back from his face, careful of his bruising. 

"Oh  _ my darling _ ," she whispered, her voice overlaying with that other woman's, " _ let's go home." _

Steve nodded at that, and he let the tears fall from his face and it didn't hurt when she carefully wiped them away. 

"Come Steven," she let go and promptly turned back around, Steve unconsciously following her. 

"Wh-wait!" Billy gasped out, and Steve could hear him stumble to get up off the ground- as if his mother's words had physically wounded him. Steve shuddered when his mother sighed and threw a sideways glance at Billy. 

"Ivan?" His mother called out, Steve could hear someone moving and there he was; Titov. He didn't speak. 

"Take my son to the car, I'll handle this one." She stated easily, pulling something out of her lab coat. It was thin and black and Steve’s mind froze.  _ No! No! No! She had a gun! She was going to hurt Billy! _

He thrashed as Titov grabbed hold of him. 

"No! Please! Don't hurt him!" The lights flickered above the ground creaking as he cried out for his mother to  _ stop! _ The blood dribbling down his nose. 

"Calm yourself Steven." His mother snapped at him, and just as if a switch was flipped Steve’s energy cut down. He collapsed against Titov and the blood stopped his brain vibrating from the sudden end of power. 

"I won't kill him, and if you like him so much perhaps we can bring him with us." She smiled softy, and it looked for a second like she genuinely cared. As if she honestly wanted Steve to be happy. 

"A reward for that lovely show of power just then." Steve looked away from her. 

She clicked the rod by her side and Steve jumped at the loud crackle.  _ It was a taser...no… _

Titov tugged Steve away before his mother walked closer. 

It was almost worse not seeing it, in fact he couldn't hear it either. Just a loud static and a crash- not even a cry. Steve couldn't stop his tears then as Titov pulled him out of his house, his arms wrapped around his midsection. 

He could see his father silently crying as well. 

When he reached outside the sun was too bright and too strong, and Titov's arms were no longer so tight. 

There was a white van in front of them and Titov pulled the door open and gently pushed Steve inside. Steve let him buckle him up like a child. 

"I thought you wanted out." Steve blinked at Titov's words. He slowly raised his head to look at the other man. 

"What?" He whispered, and Titov's smile was so genuinely sad and understanding that it made Steve want to hug him. 

_ Which was weird. Maybe it was the wild range of emotions he was going through.  _

"You want out?" He asked his head tilting in a weirdly curious manner, reminding Steve of a dog that couldn't quite understand what you were saying or the bird when Steve had whistled to it. 

Steve didn't know what to say, what was this?  _ A trap? A play his mom was running? To get him to admit to the real plan that was slowly heading south by the second?  _

"Or did you finally come to  **burn it all down** ?" 

Steve felt everything stop right then. 

Slowly he let his eyes drift to the side of Titov's neck where little black tendrils were just barely peeking out from under his collar. Just like Billy’s had that night. 

"Yo-you-" Titov smiled and slowly held a finger up to his lips in a small  _ shushing  _ motion. 

He then winked and slammed the door shut as his Dad came out carrying Billy, his mother not far behind. 

Titov was the mindflayer,  _ Titov was the mindflayer!  _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thats that! So, be honest, who say this coming? Cuz its been there for a while and I wanted to see who guessed it~   
And don't worry it won't be all angst, the next chapter may take a while due to school, but in trying my best...
> 
> Let me know what you think and thank you all for reading!


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> UPDATE: It came to my attention that a lot of people thought Billy had said the burn it down phrase, that was my mistake in my writing, it was actually Steve who said that!  
Im so sorry for that mistake, An update is coming soon!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UPDATE: It came to my attention that a lot of people thought Billy had said the burn it down phrase, that was my mistake in my writing, it was actually Steve who said that!  
Im so sorry for that mistake, An update is coming soon!
> 
> Omg everyone- rhis chapter went through ao many rewrites and me suffering through lack of inspiration. I also have been dealing with some of the hardest things lately and I just sort of gave up for a bit.  
But Halloween is my favorite holiday and with it came many ideas!  
So happy Halloween everyone! On this chapter we really are getting into the spooky season! 
> 
> TW//:  
Child abuse, and gore and horror

Steve didn't understand a lot of things in life. 

That was sorta his wheelhouse.

He was the best at the whole winging it situation- Nancy had once called it dumb, Tommy said it was luck, he liked to think of it as extremely fast strategy. 

Well- in all honesty Nancy was probably right, it was _ dumb, _but the thing about Nancy and her plans were that when they fell through she was lost. And well the plan sure as fuck had fallen through. 

Team Distraction had failed dramatically; and failure was where he strived. 

Maybe it was because of the fact he was almost always lost but, well for once he felt a little grounded in the fact he was in an unknown state. 

For one- the Russians probably thought they were in their plan, but there was a flaw and they were going to be just as lost as Steve soon, which, _ well it wasn’t exactly good, seeing as the flaw was the _ ** _Mindflayer_ ** _ ! _But well it was a start!

He was gonna have to wing it here. And between the two alternatives Titov- _ the Mindflayer _ seemed to be on his side... _ which was fucking _ _ insane _ _ . _

But he could wing it- that was what he was good at; dumb luck indeed, Steve was good at that shit. He closed his eyes when his father tossed Billy beside him and opened them to watch as Titov buckled him in almost gently. The way he smiled at Billy was almost odd, hadn’t he tried to possess him?

Titov didn’t even glance his way when he closed the door and clambered into the drivers seat. 

His mother walked around the van and Steve watched as his dad grabbed her arm. He leaned closer to the tinted window to try and hear what they were possibly talking about. 

It was muffled but still there- just barely. 

‘Anna, when is this all going to be over?’

He couldn’t hear what his mother hissed but his father’s eyes blazed at whatever she had said. 

‘So what!?’ He roared at her and he almost admired the fact she didn’t react at all. ‘I was just a ploy for you to- What!? Take over this fucking town!’ his mother narrowed her eyes at his dad. 

‘What else would you be?’ She hissed at him like a snake, and pulled away roughly. Steve almost felt bad for his father- _ almost. _

She was quick to get into the passenger seat and Steve watched her order Titov. 

They pulled away from his house without another word, his mother kept her eyes forward and never looked back at him. 

Steve slowly turned to watch Billy slumped by his side. He was out cold, a giant knot forming in the back of his head. 

Steve bit his lip and looked out his window to see the familiar scene of the world passing by as he headed to the mall. 

He almost expected to see Billy sitting at the lifeguard station at the public pool. Which was dumb to think seeing as Billy was right by his side. 

He needed to think this through- they were most likely going back to the lab, which _ okay, that could work! _If he just...if the plan fell through the other teams were still there. They would see Billy and Steve being dragged in, hell maybe they could be team distraction and Steve could be team shut down. 

He could do that. 

It wasn't all lost. 

Honestly where the fuck was Hopper when you needed him. 

It wasn’t long to get to the mall, it never was- and with it came the wall of static that almost dulled everything inside Steve. 

Being dragged out of the car wasn’t even awkward- he wondered where everyone else was hiding. He tried to see up at the roofs where he, Dustin, Billy, and Robin had hid to watch the guards. He couldn’t see anyone. Billy was heaved out of the car by Titov, and Steve tried not to flinch. The Mindflayer had taken Billy once before...

“Come along Steven.” His mother ordered, his joints moved without another thought. 

The Elevator clicked open when his mother slid a card up for the reader. He was surprised to see no boxes inside this time. 

It was odd when the doors closed, and the world started to plummet. Steve could feel his own stomach twist and the sound of someone whispering in his ear from a far off memory. 

"You wanted to remember Steven?" His mother asked softly, and Steve nodded numbly, feeling the ever so familiar sensation of losing himself. 

"Then I will help you remember." She turned to him and it hurt how happy and kind she looked. _ How pleased. _

As if she actually loved him, it made him want to do everything she ever wanted of him. 

When the elevator doors clicked open Steve could see the spot where the acid had once been, had it really just been a couple hours ago he had been here? 

_ Had him leaving been for nothing? _

He let his eyes flicker forward where soldiers were waiting with a cart. 

He sat stiffly and the hallway he had once labored to walk through was now zooming by and his head was reminded of running down concrete hallways with flashing red lights. 

He tucked his chin down to his chest and closed his eyes tight, trying to stop the weird ache his palms had; the urge to rub them on his shorts was strong. 

"Sem'!" Steve’s body shot up and he blinked in shock to see the cart had stopped and his mother was glaring. Titov had Billy over his shoulder and the other soldiers were poised with their guns at the ready. 

Steve stood up and left the cart, his body rigid and unsteady after hearing such a familiar sound. _ Seven _. 

That's what she had called him. 

_ Seven. _

The word seven in English didn't sound right even when he had read it from the blue folder. He had no memory of being Seven. 

But he _ had _ memories of being Sem'. 

It was surprising how familiar that word was. 

_'ty gotov nachat', sem'?'_ _(Are you ready to begin, seven?) _

  
  


Steve closed his eyes tight and almost fell when he stumbled into Titov's back. 

His palms smacked into concrete. 

He had suddenly been shoved forward and Billy tossed down next to him with a loud groan. 

"Wha?" He choked out turning around to see a large metal door. 

"This should be familiar." His mother smiled and Steve couldn't breathe. _ No! No! Please! No! Don't leave me! _

"Mo-" the door slammed shut with a loud _ thunk _ and Steve felt his breath leave with it. 

* * *

It was time. It had to be time. He did everything right! Everything! 

He got up when the light turned on, and when the food was slid in he ate it without issue! He was being good! 

They had promised if he was good he would get to go out of the room today! 

He liked going out of the room, it was amazing out there. He had known the room for so long it was almost amazing to see beyond those four walls. 

He did everything right, and the light was clicking so it was any minute now. 

Soon.

Soon. 

* * *

"Please, you have to breathe." Came a soft whisper into Steve’s ear. He could feel heat on the side of his face and slowly as if mist was fading away he could see Billy looking up at him with a bloody nose and frazzled hair. 

"Billi?" He whispered.

"Hey, pretty boy." Billy smiled, looking so shattered, his arms were shaky as if they were a second away from giving up. 

"Wh-" the words were so thick on his tongue he almost wanted to puke. 

"Easy," Billy tried to pull on a smirk but it fell flat, easily sliding into something more fragile, "not gonna lie, that accent is kinda growing on me." 

Steve puffed out a breath of laughter at Billy’s joke. 

“Thanks.” He mumbled half heartedly, trying to keep his breath even so he wouldn’t lose himself again. There was a moment where Billy seemed to realize exactly what he was doing and snatched his hands away, rubbing the blood away from his mustache. It looked awfully painful. 

“Your nose wasn’t bleeding before.” Steve pointed out. It was hard to remember but..._ no, he was right Billy hadn’t been bleeding in the van. _

“Yeah, must’ve landed on it badly when they tossed us in here.” He shrugged as if his nose wasn’t probably broken. 

“It looks broken.” Steve winced, and _ yeah, he didn’t think Billy’s nose was always that...crooked. _

“Feels broken.” He shrugged again.

Steve blinked at that simple comment, “You’ve broken your nose before?” Billy slowly stood up stretching up in the concrete room and nodded, holding up three fingers. 

“Three times.”

“Oh.” 

“Where are we?” He asked, heading to the giant metal door. 

_ ‘You don’t know who I am do you?’ _ Steve shook his head to clear it from the disembodied voice. 

His hands unconsciously reached to feel against the hard concrete and scrapped down it. 

“In our room? In the lab?” Steve attempted to say, his words were still thick and he felt like he was slipping away, as if he was falling asleep without reaching rem. 

He felt like he was falling, slipping further and further into the ground; into the concrete and the upside down below. 

"Next time I see your mom, I'm punching her." Billy growled, "I don't care if she's a woman." He shook his head, "she deserves it for shocking me like that." 

"Did it hurt?" Steve listlessly asked, he sounded off even to himself, like he was on the edge of passing out. He dragged his palms on the ground again, mindlessly staring ahead at the corner. 

_ 'Can you stop that darling?' _

"What are you doing?" Steve blinked as his hands were pulled up away from the cold ground. 

"Huh?" Billy was kneeled down in front of him again and Steve wasn't sure what he had asked. 

Billy bit his bottom lip and seemed to contemplate something for a moment. 

"You okay?" He asked instead of whatever he had been chewing over. 

Steve shrugged, 'Yeah.' His voice sounding off even to him. 

"I don't think so." He shook his head and he seemed to be getting closer, but Steve was having a hard time tracking the movement. It was as if Billy was fading into the background his voice becoming white noise against the ever constant buzz of electricity. 

* * *

The concrete was cold, always cold. 

Sometimes he would drag his palms down across it to try and warm it up, it never was enough. The cold was deeper in the concrete than he could touch. 

He couldn’t stop the cold, no matter what he did, it would always seep back into the cracks and into his skin. 

His door wasn’t concrete though, it was metal, it was even colder. 

It had a small window and a sliding door on it, a place where he could get his food. The window was too tall for him to look out of right now, sometimes if he stepped back and jumped he was able to get a glance of outside the concrete. 

But he got yelled at when he did that, he never knew how they could know when he jumped, but when he did it enough times they would hit the metal door, and make it shake so loud that he had to collapse down on himself and cover his ears. 

So he wasn’t allowed to jump, but he really wanted to, his feet was too cold on the concrete and there had been a lot of noises from beyond the metal door for a while now. He wanted to know why everything had been so abuzz. 

He wish he was taller, tall like all the ones with the white jackets, then he would be able to see through that window. 

He didn’t jump, instead he curled up in his corner and rubbed his palms against the concrete ground and how it scratched his hands. It never felt...nice, but it did feel like something different. It was hard to place, but he liked to run his hands against it. 

There were more loud noises and the sound of someone walking outside of the metal door. He took a step back and looked up trying to catch who was walking by, maybe it was another one of those doctors?

The door made the preliminary crack to opening and he scrambled backwards, making sure to stand up straight, they always wanted him standing up straight when they came to get him. 

The door creaked and was slid open ever so slowly, and on the other side was a wide eyed woman with a long white jacket. Her eyes were so dark, darker than he had ever seen on anyone else. Her hair was wild and dark as well and yet she didn’t seem dangerous. 

Her body was softly a glow with the lighting behind her making her seem like an angel or a knight in shining armor. A smile was slightly pulling on her thinner lips and she slowly took a tentative step forward as if she was about to step on unsteady flooring. She then ever so cautiously kneeled down in front of him and looked him over in a sort of amazement. 

She looked at him like he was something precious, as if he was important. He didn’t know how to feel about it. 

“Hello.” Her voice cracked and she tilted her head, there was tears beading up in her eyes. _ Why was she crying? _

“You don’t remember me do you?” She whispered ever so brokenly; sounding as if she was absolutely gutted. 

* * *

There was a loud _ snap _ and the woman flickered away to Billy in front of him. 

"Hey, you back?" He asked, he didn't think he had ever seen Billy look so worried. 

"What?" 

"You-you were gone for a moment there." Billy whispered.

"Oh." Was all Steve could bring himself to say. 

"We need to get out of here." Billy bit his lip again and growled, already going back to the cold metal door, _ the metal door they weren't supposed to touch. _

_ They got mad when he touched it. _

"I'm not supposed to leave. Soon they'll come." Steve flinched at his own words slipping out. _ They didn't like when he talked out loud. _Billy turned around to face him and there was a strange moment where blue met brown and froze. 

"Steve- you know where you are?" _ Of course he knew where he was. _

"I'm in my room." He whispered back, _ he had to be quiet- mo- no, _ ** _Ma'am_ ** _ got mad when he talked too loud in his room. _

He slowly looked down at his scuffed shoes, _ he...he wasn't supposed to wear shoes in his room. Not even when he was in his- the house- the new house...shoes… _

_ Why did he have shoes? _

His hands fell down to the ground and dragged against it again as he crouched there. 

"Steve." Came that voice again. _ A new doctor? _ Steve slowly let his head tilt up to the other boy in front of him, he was bloody and looked worried. Another patient? Another kid like him? Why were they in the same roo- _ no...no that...he knew this person. Bil- _

_ Oh Steve's head hurt something fierce. _

He tried to contain the small whine but he was failing to do so. _ Things weren't making sense anymore! _

"What do you mean your room?" The bo- _ Billy! He knew Billy! How had he forgotten? Billy was- why was Billy here with him? Billy had never been to Steve's concrete room. _

"My room." Steve tried to find the words as his tongue steadily got heavier and heavier, he pressed his hands further into the ground, as if they would help steady him from falling any further away from- _ this moment? What, what was this moment? _

_ Billy wasn't supposed to be here. _

"You're not- we just need to wait- the belaya kurtka will come soon." Steve tried to explain. 

"The _ what _?" 

"The bel-" Steve attempted to shake off the haze around him, "white jacket." 

"Steve." There it was again, his name, he hadn't been ever called that in this room, in this concrete. 

"How-" he shook his head and mumbled a soft, “what are you talking about?” Steve wondered if he had slipped away entirely and had started hearing nonsense. 

Steve shook his head, they would wait, they would come. 

Any minute now. 

Billy took a cautionary step away and back towards the door and peered through the barred window. Steve felt his breath freeze in his chest. 

“No- You can’t touch the metal!” 

There was a loud bang and Steve felt his world slip even further away. 

_ He tried not to flinch when the door banged, when she reached foreward and let her fingers gently touch his cheek. _

_ She made a soft whine as if she was in pain and he didn't know what he had done wrong. _

_ "No touching Doc!" Came a bark and he ducked his head properly like they had always wanted him to do. _

_ She stood up and straightened her back, rocking her shoulders back and wiping away the tears from her face. _

_ She then tilted her head just so they had to meet eyes, 'do you want out of here?' _

* * *

"Whatever you think you are- how old you think you are and where, or when, it's not real." Billy told him, and Steve was so _ confused _. 

Hadnt he just been with- _ her? Why? Who? Billy? _

"What- what are you talki-" Billy shook his head and crouched down on the ground in front of Steve, his hands landing heavily on Steve’s shoulders; enough to make him flinch. 

"You're Steve, Steve not so Harrington, and we got stuck in a Russian base because of your bitch of a mother. It's 1984, and you're...I think you're 18 unless you had a birthday recently." 

1984….1984...did Steve know the date?

"I'm- that-" 

"Look i- I don't really know if this helps- fuck, I mean I saw my uncle do it like...once or twice but- he said it helped, so this better fucking work okay." 

"Wh-" 

"It’s 1984, and you're Steve, and you're 18." Steve respoke those words in his mind. 

_ He was Steve, he was 18, and it was 1984. _

_ He was Steve, he was 18, and it was 1984. _

_ He was Steve. _

_ He was Steve. _

_ He was Steve, not seven. _

_ Not Sem' _

_ Steve. _

"I'm Steve." Steve whispered back to Billy, feeling like his ears were getting declogged. It was as if he was finally rising above water. 

"Yeah, you are." Billy nodded. 

"I'm 18." Billy shrugged at that, "sure." 

"It’s 1984." "That's right Amigo." 

He didn't know why he was starting to tear up. 

"I'm Steve." 

"Yeah and a cry baby." Billy let out a half laugh. 

"What's happening to me?" Steve couldn't stop the question from leaving his mouth, nor the way his head tucked down and his arms came up to hide his face away. 

"Hey! Come on, enough of that." The hands that were not so gently prying his arms open were on fire. 

"You just got lost, used to happen to my uncle Jack, I thought it was a bunch of bullshit but-" Billy's hands were now cupping his jaw forcing his face up. 

"That doesn't matter, comeon, get up." He commanded. 

"Billy-" Steve clenched his eyes closed as more tears fell down, "I'm scared." He confessed. 

"Yeah, I know." Billy answered, "me too." His voice was just as quiet as Steve’s had been. 

"But we gotta get out. So get up." Billy stated. 

Billy was pulling away and he was back to standing. "No more moping, come on princess, we gotta get out of this room." He was tugging Steve up from his biceps. 

"Im- I can't keep things straight Billy my head-" 

Billy only nodded in response looking at the door then the concrete border. 

"We need to get out, got it." His hands were back on Steve’s face, cupping them so he couldn't look away from the brilliant blue Billy held. 

"Just look at me, you're here with me, and right now we need _ that-" _he tilted Steve’s face over to the door he was pointing at, then returned the hand over to his face, "to be blown off its hinges." 

Then Billy’s face twisted in one of utter glory, he was so _ beautiful _ in that moment, despite the horrendous circumstances, or the broken nose and blood on his face, his smile was brilliant and his eyes were bright and hopeful. He had utmost faith in Steve and-

_ -and it scared Steve. _

"Think you can do that pretty boy?" He breathed out barely louder than a whisper. 

Steve closed his eyes tight and tried to tamp down on the fluttering in his lungs. 

"Come one, let's give them hell to pay for what they did." Billy was brushing Steve's loose strands away from his sweaty forehead and Steve nodded, finally opening his eyes back up to see him smiling so gorgeously back at him.

_ He loved him _.

"Let's burn it all down." Steve whispered, Billy winked although it morphed into a wince as he pulled away.

"That's the spirit." He smirked, and turned towards the door, stepping away to give Steve full access to the door. 

Steve faltered when his vision became unencumbered. He forgot- _ how could he forget? How could he forget how much the sight of these metal doors striked fear in his heart. _

_ He felt like a little kid again, cowering in his concrete walls waiting for the monster to come and collect him, and even if he got out of it- even if the concrete was carpet and metal wood he was still waiting for the monster to come and hurt him. _

  
  


"You can do this." Billy reassured him. 

He jumped at Billy's voice, _ he had forgotten he wasn't alone for once. _

Steve nodded to himself and rolled his shoulders back, he slowly lifted his hand out and he could feel something starting to bubble up. 

For once the taste of iron felt like a relief, and his head twinged at a sharp cut slashing through it. 

He could hear the concrete crack and it wasnt enough. Steve screwed his eyes tight and kept pushing and _ pushing. _

He could feel himself knocking against the concrete and metal as if they were immovable. 

_ 'Do you want out of here?' _

_ Yes! _

_ 'Do you want to leave?' _

_ He did! He wanted OUT! _

A warm hand was suddenly gripping his forearm tightly. 

"You almost have it!" Billy's voice registered on Steve's right, sounding giddy and breathless, and that was all Steve needed. 

The metal ripped and exploded out with a noise so loud Steve was sure it would haunt him for years. 

The concrete was blasted out, pieces of it still floating and Steve could feel the blood leaving him in rivers, he couldn't stop the collapse back into Billy’s strong chest even if he wanted to. 

"Shit!" Billy gasped out and wrapped his arms around Steve to hold him up. 

"You okay?" He asked and Steve tilted his head up to look at Billy. He was so pretty haloed in the singular light above them. Steve nodded, bringing a hand to swipe away the blood knowing it wouldn't do anything to stop it all. 

"We match." Steve observed staring at the dried blood rising on Billy’s upper lip. Billy only raised an eyebrow with a huff of laughter. 

He then looked away his cheeks looked a touch more red but Steve was sure that was the exhaustion.

"Dude, you…" he took a sharp breathe and whistled it out. Steve leaned on his shoulder to steady himself back up to see the hole in the wall. 

"You did it!' He smirked at Steve bright and, Gods of course his heart couldn't keep calm at that. 

Steve ducked his head and nodded. 

"They probably heard it." He pointed out as he finally managed to get himself back to steady leaving Billy’s touch. 

The lights cut off for a moment, turning to red and flashing and a siren started to echo through the halls. 

"Yeah I'd say so." Billy nodded, stepping out of the concrete cage and looking around. 

He then turned back and held a hand out for Steve to take. 

"Come on."

Steve didn't even think, taking Billy’s hand out of his room.

* * *

They padded down the concrete halls and Steve could remember doing this before. 

_ 'Listen to me sweetheart, when I come to get you we have to leave, understood?' _

She had tried to get him? Hadn't she? 

Billy was suddenly turning down another hallway.

"You know where to go?" Steve asked trying to shake away the memories of being stalked. 

"Not at all!" He hissed back, pausing for a moment to listen to something. Steve was about to ask what he was doing when he heard it. The loud pounding of rubber soles running against concrete, just like _ back then. _

_ Back when she had promised they were gonna get out, out of the concrete. _

_ 'And the sky, oh the sky, can you remember the sky?' _

_ He shook his head, he had never been outside of the concrete but the way she smiled as she pulled her hair away from her eyes made him want to. _

_ She looked heartbroken but she still smiled. _

_ 'Well it can be any color. It shifts from blue to pink to even orange. But sometimes it can be grey and sad but it will cry with such wonderful tears' She tilted her head. _

_ 'Your Mother loves the sky, her name meant rain from the heavens, Talia.' She smiled at him so bright and sad, 'can you say Talia?' _

Steve tripped as the memory slammed into him harder than anyone's fists ever could. 

"Steve." Billy hissed, and shoved Steve into a room filled to the brim with those green glowing tunes. 

"You need to stay with me." _ How had they gotten here? They had been in the hallway… _

_ Hadn’t he just learned… _

_  
_ “Talia” He gasped, Billy looking at him as if he was crazy. Maybe he was, but _ Talia, that was his birth mother’s name, she had known his mom. _

Steve glanced around the room seeing a small pile of dirty jackets. 

_ ‘Look what you’ve done.’ the voice whispered into his left… _

_ She had known his mother and she had died…. _

He had gotten her killed...why? She had been trying to get them to escape?

Steve couldn’t remember and he _ hated _it! 

“Steve- I really need you to snap out of whatever you think is happening!” Steve blinked to see Billy pushing a large shelf in front of the door. 

“Billy- wh-”

“Hurry up and Help asshole!” Steve nodded, “Right sorry!” He gasped scrambling to help the other boy in pushing the shelf forward.

Billy was panting hard trying to get the shelf moved forward, in fact Steve almost suspected the shelf was bolted on the ground, if it hadn’t already moved so far. 

"Shit." Billy puffed, trying to catch his breath, Steve agreed. 

"Okay. Okay I think we lost them." Billy huffed, it looked painful trying to breathe through his broken nose. 

Steve nodded, he couldn't remember running, he had memories of, _ holding her hand as she told him to be quiet and hide as the halls stalked with soldiers. _

"Yeah." Steve, panted feeling drained. "Plus the mindflayer is here." He could practically hear Billy choke in a breath and cough.

"W-" he coughed even harder and Steve winced, "what!?"

"Yeah…" he winced. 

"How- okay hold on." He hissed and then grabbed his nose and Steve watched horrified as Billy cracked his nose back into place and the blood gushed out. 

"Fuck!" He hissed, then stamped his foot looking like he wanted to punch something. 

"Okay, okay, let's- lets think about this." He seethed through his teeth. 

"You okay?" 

"Hell no!" Billy barked, then took a deep gulp of air, "right- not your fault just-" he shook his head, "shit, okay, the mindflayer is here?" He finally landed on; Steve wanted to ask what was running through Billy's head but there was more important things to clear up.

"Yeah." Steve nodded.

"Okay, how do you know that?" Billy blanched.

"He told me? And he had the like-" 

"**He told you!?**" 

"Yeh, and as I was saying, he had the bl-"

"**And you believe him?"** he looked as if Steve was crazy, and _ right now that really wasn't necessary. _

"....yes? Why wouldn't I?" 

"I don't see any flesh monsters?" Billy waved his arms around as if looking.

"No- its in Titov." Steve tried to explain, that- he knew- Titov was the Mindflayer. 

"The- your manager?"

"Yeah." 

"And he told you that?" He asked again. 

"Yes?" 

"And you believe him?" _ Okay, this was getting repetitive and Steve was already struggling to keep things straight in his head. _

"Why are you interrogating me on that??" Steve hissed, he really didn't need Billy acting like an ass. 

"I mean- I didn't- he didn't-" Billy was stammering in his place as if he couldn't find the words to spit out. 

"Didn't what?" Steve demanded.

"I didn't feel it!" He snapped.

"Feel what?" Steve could feel the goosebumps start on his arms. 

"Feel him- the _ ugh this sounds so- _ I don't know okay, just- I could feel it- when we were by the gate, and then with the zombie kid-"

"His name is Will." Steve interrupted.

"Whatever! Just I can...its like just- knowing, as if you know you left your car somewhere and its like seeing the general location that it has to be nearby, cuz thats where you put it last." _ Yeah that didn't really clear things up. _

"You….can feel the mindflayer?" Steve tried. 

"Yeah, and I'm saying Titov doesn't send that off!" Billy barked. 

"Wait- hold on- you're saying...you can feel the mind flayer and Titov doesn't set it off?" Steve blinked. 

"Yeah! So- either he's lying, or something else is going on." Steve opened his mouth to speak but Billy surged on. 

"I mean think about this! Isn't this fishy! Your bitch of a mom was smart! She knew our plan! And yet she locks us up in a cage you can easily escape? Why? Whats the game plan? And Titov tells you he's the mindflayer!?" Billy started pacing and Steve had to blink to register all the information he was spouting. 

"We have to be smart, we can't just jump in." Billy stated, nodding to himself as if it was a repeated phrase he had told himself. 

"What- plans aren't really my thing, I'm more of an instinct kind of person?" Steve mindlessly offered. 

"Yeah well, sometimes your instincts are bad and can hurt you." Billy stated his eyes were curiously wet, threatening to spill over. 

"Where did you learn that?" Steve whispered, he hated how much Billy flinched from the question. 

"My dad." He pointedly didn't look at Steve when he answered. 

Steve nodded, if he ever got out of this he was going to-_ he didn't know what he was going to do but he was definitely going to visit Mr. Hargrove. _

"Well- I do well on the lack of plans." Steve tried to explain. "And I don't think they know Titov is the Mindflayer." Billy looked at him and tilted his head. 

"Why are you so certain he is the mindflayer?" 

"I-" Steve froze on his words, "um-well besides the black scars, I- he said a phrase." Billy looked on more curiously as Steve ducked his head down back at the ground. 

He hated how easily Billy leaned down to catch his eyes. 

"Explain to me. Help me understand." Billy stated calmly, slowly, and directly as if Steve was going to explode, just like he had back in their cell or when they had first heard that Russian message. 

Steve really wished his heart didn't jump at how nice and kind Billy talked to him, and only him. How we kept looking at him as if he wanted to understand, as if Steve wasn't an idiot. How he looked at him as if Steve was single handedly the answer to everything. 

"He said something, the same thing the shadow said when we were drugged." Steve whispered. 

"Okay, but that could still be Titov- so why are you so certain it's the mindflayer?" Billy pushed, "come on pretty boy, there's gotta be something, you've been pretty spot on for everything, help me see what you do." Steve blinked up at that feeling his cheeks become a flame. 

"What?" Steve choked.

"Help me see." Billy repeated. 

"No- I mean, you said I've been spot on for everything?" Steve gasped, unsure of what exactly was bubbling in his stomach. He didn't know if it was elation or sickness. 

"Well yeah, you knew to get me, you knew to get to your child nerd, then you had the russian message…" he was holding up his fingers for each sentence, "you knew when we were in trouble from the Russians, knew how to find the radio station and the gate, plus the bus and while our plan didn't work your lure did for your- well the bitch." He snarled at the end. Steve didn't know what to say, it was definitely elation, thats what was bubbling up, fluttering inside his bones making him feel light headed. 

"I-" Steve swallowed, "I guess you're right…" he trailed off. 

"Exactly, and while you may do dumb things I don't think your dumb." He sated and _ oh, even Billy’s ears were turning red. _

"I know I haven't- look, I know I've said some mean shit but I don't mean it- I don't- you're not dumb." Billy scrunched up his face like the words physically hurt him to say. 

_ Fuck was Steve crushing hard, he was so impossibly in love and it _ ** _sucked. _ **

"Tha-" he tried to start, 

"So anyways! Help me to understand, why are you so certain? What's so important about that phrase?" Billy talked over Steve. 

Steve paused at the questioning, bringing his thumb up to his lips to bite at it. 

"I-" Steve tried to remember, tried to understand it. ** _Burn it all down._ **

_Why?_ _Why did- why was he so certain and why that sentence, that phrase? _

_ He tried to think- _

** _Do you want out?_ **

* * *

  
  


It wasn't a normal day. 

She was gone, the lady who had said she knew his mom, who had spoke of all the colors and had fought to get Sem out. 

She told him if they played it right he would get to go home with her back to where he had been born. Back to this Talia…

Sem didn't know anything about that, didn't understand what she was going on about, but it didn't matter; she was gone. 

They said they had one last thing to try before Sem could go outside to reach his potential. 

None of the needles had worked, none of the shocks or the other children that did better worked. 

She had screamed about this last thing- whatever it was. She had begged and Sem had never seen her cry so hard, had never heard her scream so loud. 

She had banged her hands on the tables when he was strapped in waiting for the daily medicine injection. She had yelled at the perfect woman, the one he had only seen in passing. 

Only the successful kids got to be with her. 

Sem wasn't successful. 

He was a failure, that's why she wanted him to go outside she said it would help. 

But the perfect lady had a different idea- something else. 

Something that had scared her and made her come in the middle of lights out and tell him to be quiet, to run; and even though he did everything she said they never reached outside. 

Instead the world had been bathed in red and sirens and he had hid and they had grip his chin and made him watch as she went goodbye. 

She had gone with a soft choke and small scream that was drowned out by the screaming of red and the perfect woman whispering in his ear, '_ look what you did'. _

It was Sem's fault, if he had been better, if he had done what he was supposed to if he had listened to the rules she would still be here. 

Maybe he would have gotten to see that lovely colorful sky she had talked so much about. 

Maybe he could have met Talia, the lady that meant rain. 

He didn't know what rain was but he was sure it must have been as soft as that woman's hair. 

Today was different though. 

She didn't come to his cell like usual, she was gone. 

Instead the perfect woman came with a _ click, click click _. 

He knew not to look up at her when she opened the door, instead he dragged his hands against the concrete waiting for the order. 

That's what he was supposed to do. 

"vverkh, Sem'" 

He stood up at the order, keeping his head bowed and her hand slowly reached out. Just like _ she _had used to lead him.

He slowly reached a hand out to hold her hand when his wrist was snatched. His heart rose to his throat as she slowly kneeled down to look at Sem''s eyes. 

"vy vzvolnovany?" She asked softly, Sem' wasn't excited- in fact he was terrified. 

He had seen the other kids follow her one by one, he hadn't wanted to, it was against the rules, but he had seen them all follow her. 

Not a single one of the successes had returned to their rooms.

Sem' wasn't excited, wherever she was taking him, he wasn't coming back- probably just like _ her. _

"ty ne khochesh' poznakomit'sya s moim drugom?" She smiled and he had never looked at her before. Her hair so perfect and a light yellow, almost white, her eyes even more devoid of color. 

He didn't want to meet her friend, not at all, but he nodded to her question.

She smiled, but it was never as warm as _ hers _had been, instead it left Sem' feeling cold, cold and empty as she started to drag him down the hall, the other men with those tools that hurt following in all black. 

Each step came with the thundering _ click _ of her feet. 

He hated how much his eyes watered the further away from his room he got. 

He just wanted to go back! Back to _ her _ and her promises of the sky and the rain woman! Back to that house she spoke of at a small farm- whatever it was- filled with warmth and love. 

She had said sorry, had said she didn't know Talia had sold him. He didn't know what that all meant- just that whatever it meant she was sorry about. 

She had said she would take him back home- away from the concrete and to the hills and family- and the place of a sky with many colors. 

To the rain woman that still cried about him- to the man who would never admit he wanted his son back. 

She had once held out a paper for him and Sem' hadn't understood- she had promised to teach him- that she was the only one to know how to understand the markings and now he would be the next one in the family. 

He never learned what she was called...

_ He wanted to go back! _

_ He wanted to go home! _

_ He wanted her! _

The door in front of them was blurred when the tears fell. 

The white jackets were talking- but he couldn't comprehend it at all- just knew this was their last attempt. Whatever that meant. 

The door opened with a creak and the whole world was red and black. 

He wanted to be sick but there was nothing in his stomach to come up. 

There they all were, all the other successes- one by one all led to this room. 

He couldn't look at them for long. 

They were too twisted, too unrecognizable- stained by the red and the brown that splattered against the concrete. 

"idi skazhi privet." She instructed, lightly pushing Sem' inside. 

He heard the creak of the door being closed and knew he was alone again. 

He swallowed the spit in his mouth and turned back to the _ friend _ she had instructed him to say _ hi _ to. 

He didn't want to- _ he didn't want to! He didn't want this! _

He choked as the tears were so much he couldn't breathe, couldn't move.

The world was spinning on him when the tower of smoke and gore twisted up. One of the other successes lifted their heads, unnaturally as if their head was being moved like a puppet within. Their jaw fell open and it was _ something else _inside. 

He fell to his knees amongst them all. 

_ He wanted out! he wanted out! _

**Do you want out? **

Sem' froze hearing the voice of something _ else _inside, it wasn't in his head not like the other success Tri could do, but in his chest rattling through his own lungs as if he had spoken those words. 

He slowly looked at the small creature inside the decaying body of Tri. 

"What?" He whispered, and Tri's head tilted mimicking his own actions back. 

**Do you want out?**

It was asking him the same thing _ she _ had asked. 

Sem' slowly nodded, oddly mesmerized as the Tri's head did the same, the jaw unhinged dangling as it hit the arm of Odin. 

**I want out.**

It responded and it slowly slipped away from Tri, back into the depths of their mouth, and their head fell empty- instead Pyat''s head rolled closer without their body as if some unseen force was pushing it closer to Sem'. 

  
  


Pyat was missing an eye, instead was some kind of plant like substance- something that was leaking and growing- pulsating like a heartbeat. 

It was unlike anything Sem' had ever seen. 

**You want out. **

It wasn't a question this time. 

"I do." Sem' whispered to the vibration. 

Pyat''s own jaw dropped and a weird gurgle followed past their lips. It repeated until the head rolled away back to its body. 

Sem' wasn't sure what was happening. 

The body slowly started to re-stitch itself half hazardously with thick black tendrils- something that had its roots deep within Pyat''s head.

Sem' watched as Pyat stumbled, as its body reconnected, healing over until there wasn't a single sign of ever being torn and upended like it had before. 

Their jaw dropped unnaturally just like Tri's had and the gurgle started to form words.

"**GoUI weooo**" they attempted. 

Sem' watched and repeated what he had said, "I do?" 

"**Eii ewoo- beuoo- d- dooo" **Sem' watched fascinated as Pyat repeated the words back, as if learning to speak for the first time. 

"You're like me?" Sem' asked softly, maybe he wanted a friend, but this- they wanted out just like him. 

**"Uere miiiieiigggee mmmeee"** it tilted its head again mirroring Sem', attempting again. 

"**Yeure liige me" **it landed on and Sem' couldn't stop the tears from falling.

It was just like him, whispering the same things he thought, the same things she had sung of. 

**Want to see more.**

Sem’ nodded at that, “yes- like the sky?” he tried to answer

“**SGGUYY.”** It repeated back to him. Sem’ nodded at the answer, “I heard it can be any color.” he whispered as the tears started to fall again, _ oh he had really wanted to see it...the colors, the place she had told him about. _

**What is that.**

“The sky?” Sem’ wiped the tears away from his face. 

**No.** It stated and Pyat shrambled closer, falling to the ground and moving in a motion that felt- _ wrong. _ Their hands were disconnected, twisting away from their arms and crawled closer to Sem’. They spine was completely shattered with the way that they back bended to look at Sem’ in the eyes- deep into the pits of that pulsating growth. There were deep roots slowly crawling out of the eye socket- almost reaching out to him. 

He slowly leaned back but Pyat followed, that tendril of root slowly reaching for Sem’, if he leaned any further back he would fall. 

The root twisted until it folded itself to look closer to a hand. 

Slowly it stroked Sem’s cheek where the tear had been sitting and was sucked back into the cave of Pyat’s head. 

**This. Tastes Lonely.**

Sem’ blinked at the voice vibrating in his chest it was so deep. 

“It’s- I was crying.” 

“**Gryuuingg” ** It started, falling the head forward until something thick and black and horrid smelling began to fall from the socket of Pyat’s eye. The other eye was rolled back, and the black goo budded out from behind it- slipping past it and tumbling out onto the ground with a terrible splat- and something else wiggling from inside. 

**I cry. You cry.**

It then lifted it’s head again to show the black dripping down Pyat’s face- in a strange mimic of tears. They were too thick for tears, too solid. It was- disconcerting and yet- it reminded him so much of _ her _. 

Someone who was listening and wanted to understand who reached out. He missed them. 

_ He wanted to go back to her. _

**You hate it here.**

He knew they were listening- he knew he couldn’t answer yes- what if the white jackets could hear him? What if they could hear It too, if they could feel the deep gurgle inside of their throats as if something was trying to crawl out. 

He nodded stiffly. He did. _ He did hate it here, he could never admit it outloud but he hated the concrete, hated this place, hated how they took her away. He hated it and they left him here, to become upended and twisted beyond recognition just like the others. _

**Then get out.** It commanded him and he blinked in surprise. 

“I can’t, they won’t let me…” He tried to get It to understand. Didn’t It see that no matter what they wanted or did- they had no say. They were trapped by their rules, they had to do what the people of concrete wanted and only them. 

They didn’t get desires- they didn’t get to leave. 

Pyat tilted it’s head and looked behind Sem’ back at the door. 

**They hurt me.** It stated and even though Pyat was no longer looking at him he knew he was being watched. 

**They hurt you. **

He didn’t have to nod; It already knew the answer. 

**We hurt them.**

“What?” The tendril slipped past Pyat’s lips, the twisted spindling hands that were reaching out to Sem’. 

The hand slowly grabbed onto his cheek and slowly crawled out. 

**I want. **

“Want what?” He asked softly, his stomach starting to fall. 

**To be one, to see.**

Sem’ fell backwards as the hand slowly filled up his pores, it was expanding out and the voice inside his chest began to fill up in his eyes and throat. 

It was filling his eyesight in red- a web cutting into the gore and decay in the whole room, a thick braid of red was slipping behind the gore into a deep crack in concrete- somewhere beyond somewhere further than the concrete could ever reach. 

And then it was filling up his nose and he couldn’t _ breathe! _

**We.**

**We.**

It kept repeating we and he was falling over trying to stop himself from slipping away, the tears were falling again, pouring out and he couldn’t stop them. 

**Hate. **

**Burn. **It repeated in his mind in his throat. 

And he could _ feel _ it. _ Feel it all- the desire, the want. The hatred. _

_ Oh- how he wanted to be- he wanted to just- exist with them- they were all so fascinating so smart, so intelligent. _

_ So warm- so warm it burned- their organs beating their bones bending all generating a heat so hot it burned- nothing like there. _

_ There where it was cold, oh so cold. _

_ Cold where the creatures lacked desires- when you blended, when you reached and became one, they were empty- hollow. _

_ There was nothing else in there besides him. _

_ But here- here in the warmth- in the voices and the blood and burning, they were all unique, all so thoughtful so filled with something. _

_ Something he couldn’t place. _

_ Life _

_ He wanted to be apart of it- he wanted to be with them- even if it hurt even if they were so warm it burned- if he just cooled them down they could coexist so easily. _

_ And yet this concrete had stopped him from being with them, they had locked him up, him and Sem’, and all the other successes- the ones that ripped the crack in the concrete. _

_ They shot red and it burned more than the heat of these bodies ever could. _

_ They took her away- they wouldn’t let them out. _

_ He wanted them to know that burn- that same burn they had made them feel. The feeling of flame and hatred. _

_ How they wanted him isolated- away from the rain and sky- separate from the warm bodies. _

_ They wanted them to _ ** _burn. _ **

** _Burn- burn it all down. _ **

He didn’t know how but he showed him. They did it- they- he was no longer just Sem’, thats what it wanted- wanted to just be **one. **

They. **we.**

They raised his hand and he could see the heat burning within his fingers. This was Pyat’s ability- not Sem’s; but It knew how to show- how to share- how to become one. 

Sem’ wasn’t just Sem’, they could feel it and the traces of Tri, and Pyat, and Odin- all of them within his mind- extended out so far beyond his heated blood and bone. 

Into the other world the twisted world that was flipped on its axis filled with smoke and ash. Echoes of life left in demented forms that could not be considered anything other than plantae. 

They did not think- not like Sem’ did, not like the other successes. 

But they hadn’t wanted to merge like Sem’ did, they weren’t lonely like they were. They hurt It until he had to twist them- why did they not want him? Were they not lonely? Did they not crave thought and understanding? Did they not desire to be one with everything to be spread and beyond. 

Sem’ could feel them all- and feel the ones beyond in the other world, the one beyond the concrete. The rest of It and how further and larger it was- how beyond itself it was in the air itself, a shadow so big it had reached out to the rest of the world. 

The shadow had been so alone so small it had spindled itself the threads to reach so beyond itself to grow until It was everything. 

And they had tried to stop him- tried to isolate him, both of them, they had hurt them- isolated and burned them- taken away those that wanted them. 

So they would **burn too. **

**Burn it all down. **

**All of it- all of the concrete- every last bit of it. **

They turned towards that door, so the beast was backing them up in the further. 

His hand was shaking, his veins on fire, his heart beating and the burning hurt them but it didn’t matter they would **burn it all down** even if it meant themselves. 

They would make them hurt just like they hurt. 

**Burn it all down!** The roar came from within Sem’s throat and beyond; from all the twisted bodies left on the ground and the shadow in the other world. 

The door was melting as Sem' reach out with his palms open to the door, just like Pyat' had done in the training.

He could hear them all scrambling, all running, their words ringing inside his mind. 

_ 'Seven is a success! Quick! we can't lose the asset like we did the others!' _

_ 'Get out there and handle it!' _

_ 'Do not kill Sem'!' _

**Burn it all down! **

The fire burst out of the door and it was blown out in a loud _ bang! _

On the other side was the perfect woman with a wide smile. 

The fire caught on her white jacket and yet she paid it no mind, and she stepped forward with another _ click, click, click _. 

She walked forward and slowly kneeled to look into their eyes, into them. 

"Hello darling." She smiled so coldly. 

**Burn! Burn-**

"You are beautiful aren't you?" She smiled so easily- as if she wasn't on threat of burning up in flames, the other men with weapons of flames flanking her sides, other white jackets cowering. 

"Do you want out?" She asked, sounding just like _ her _. She was even crouched just like her, her hair also in the wild loose form like her brown had been, her dark image slowly being overwritten by this bright aflame one. 

"Y**e**s" he begged, tears falling from his eyes blending into the thick black goo from It. 

She held out her hand for him to take, her jacket still burning up licking her legs and yet she looked like she couldn't be bothered. 

They raised his hand to grasp hers and she snatched his wrist just like before and tugged him forward, something grabbing at the other being, ripping it away. 

"Now! Ozerov!" She shouted and then the world was blinding, so bright and so hot he was falling over screaming and It had to leave, had to fall away and he couldn't keep his eyes open as It was ripped away from him. 

He was so lonely with just himself, so hot and empty, and she was picking him up. 

"I think we finally found your purpose Sem'" she whispered in his ear as if he was something precious,

"How about you finally get to see outside, hmm?" She cooed in his ear, and he was drifting, his body shuddering as it felt burned, electricity running from his fingertips. 

His head rolled back to see the men in black burning the rest of the concrete, the crack closing up and the resounding screech of his only friend.

"Would you like to be my son?" She asked him and he closed his eyes slipping away. 

* * *

Steve puked right then and there, whatever was left inside his stomach was gone. 

_ He had been- oh gods he had been- the mindflayer and him had been one! _

He could hear Billy beside him, could feel him pulling his hair out of his face as he gagged again. 

_ He had _ _ felt _ _ it running inside his veins, blending his mind with its own. _

He had _ welcomed _it. Had grieved its death.

Well supposed death- because it was _ here, inside Titov….had it always been there? _

How had it survived he had seen it burn up?

"Steve? Come on man, you okay?" Steve shook his head, he couldn't explain it, had it taken Steve's desire back then as a promise? To burn it all down? 

So it was a friend...but why didn't it send of the weird Billy ping or even Will's? Was it not the same? 

"Its the mindflayer." Steve nodded to himself trying to explain to Billy- _ how could he ever forget all of this? How had he been so blinded? _

"Okay." Billy whispered, sounding overtly concerned. 

"I- I met it before when I was- when I was a kid." Steve tried to explain, choking the words out, "I don't know how but they had some kind of gate and he came out- and I met him." He could see Billy nodding in his peripheral. 

"But they had burned him, I had- I heard him die…" 

"Evidently not." Billy whispered, "unless he is faking it." 

"No." Steve shook his head adamantly, "no one else had heard it- that phrase- only him." Steve whispered to Billy.

"And if he doesn't set of my weird radar then?" 

"I think there's two mindflayers." Steve gasped out. 

"Fuck!" Billy bit his lip and leaned back his hands pulling on his curls. Steve agreed with the sentiment. 

"Okay, okay let's think about this." Billy rushed to get out, still tugging in his curls violently, "we got a mindflayer here with us- a mindflayer out at the steelworks...Russians all around, and your nerd goons outside." Steve slowly shuddered as his throat ached, trying to shake off the odd sensation of being invaded by something beyond his comprehension. 

"And the Chief somewhere- El might be able to get them." Steve nodded.

"You mean Jane, Max's friend…." Steve shrugged not wanting to explain it all. Billy took a deep breath and seemed to be considering something. 

"Shit- I can't think of something that doesn't get us killed." He shook his head letting his head fall in his hands looking defeated. 

"I- I was gonna escape this hellhole, go back to California and finally live! Maybe find my missing mom or-" he shook his head sounding broken.

"I wasn't supposed to be in this mess." He just barely whispered out to himself. 

Steve looked at the boy he- _ yeah the boy he loved, the one who wanted to escape just like him _.

Billy was right, he was never meant to be in this mess. Billy was dragged in by Steve, probably from proximity. Steve wanted Billy to run away to escape Hawkins and its roots of evil. 

Steve took a steadying breathe, he had an idea- worse than any other idea he had ever had. But well Steve wasn't great with plans so his best bet was just to go with it. 

"Im gonna get you out of here Billy." He told the other boy, who looked up with teary eyes and a snarl. 

"Even with your weird powers there's no way you could get us out of this!" He snarled at Steve wanting to hurt.

Steve smiled, "you're right- I can't." He sucked in a deep breath trying to keep himself from falling into anxiety, "but Titov can." He answered.

"Wh-" he didn't let Billy finish talking instead closing his eyes and reaching out with the green thread. 

.

.

.

.

. 

**Hello. **

There he was. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thats it! Omg thank you all so much for sticking with me on this chapter, it took a lot to get out, and man did I really want it to be good!  
Also we are FINALLY getting into the back story and what exactly is up with the Mindflayer~ i honestly can't WAIT to write all of this out and I wanted ro have it presented well. 
> 
> Let me know what you all think! 
> 
> Love you all- and thank you again for the comments! I'll be answering them all now!!


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, I'm so sorry for how long this took, I simply lost a lot this 2020, I've lost my livelihood, my loved ones, my family, my friends, and every day i found myself not being able to find the inspiration in me to write a single word or create a single thing. It wasn't until i was hit a 3 am today that i finally got that inspiration back....  
This chapter is very important and Im sorry that I couldn't give it to you all sooner. 
> 
> Although with the year of 2021 while i find myself troubled to stay alive, I think things will finally be looking up, i finally have found friends who care and reach out to me, and hope for a future. 
> 
> i think im tired of sobbing, and thats really what this story was about, while it started off as something simple in the beginning and I never thought I would delve any further into it, it slowly fell into a self help story for myself and the abuse and trauma i had went through and how i had to handle it...of course there was no interdimensional demon, but i found myself gaining insight and therapy through Steve....and well I did get some comments asking if this story was abandoned, and the answer is never. I can never let this story end without a happy ending because thats what people deserve. People who have experienced abuse, they deserve to break the cycle and find happiness....
> 
> Pls enjoy the story.

There's a certain strength with giving up, when you’ve hit the bottom so far you’re pretty sure you could never climb yourself out. That ever present pressure of grief, of pain, where you're left so broken and crumbled you're nothing else but sand. Steve had thought he had been there before- thought he knew what it meant to lose all thought and breath to an overwhelming crushing presence of inevitable. Thought he couldn't be broken up any further. 

Steve knew he was never meant to get out of Hawkins. He was never meant to escape the Upside Down- not with everything finally coming to his mind. It was finally all being clear; Steve, no matter what he wanted, no matter how hard he fought he was meant to be trapped in the concrete deep below Hawkins. 

Barb wasn’t meant to be snatched up, he used to sob, begging for an answer,  _ why her? Why her? Why did it not take him?  _

He couldn't help the thoughts back then; the whisper of t _ hey only got her because they were coming after you. _

He never mentioned to anyone, maybe he had forgotten it just like all the other uncomfortable memories that his childhood brought, but he had once stood at the edge of his diving board looking down at the neon pool and thought of drowning himself. 

At the time there was no jolt of shock from his thought, no miracle call from someone or a person running to the rescue. It was just Steve and the hot steam from his pool and the whispers in his head, and the caresses of something he could never place. 

Perhaps it was sadness, depression. It didn’t feel like it though, in fact it felt so much more complex than just a one word description. It was like a cloak, a blanket, something that was wrapped around his very soul; inevitable. 

It was the feeling of knowing this was somehow going to happen, that the concrete could somehow rip out of his mind and skin and touch the innocents around him, dragging them into the depths of something far worse. 

Billy had never meant to be dragged here, and he knew it. Billy had seen the sky and tasted the salt in the sea, not just the salt that clung to someone’s lips when all you could do was let the tears fall down your face. 

That wasn’t exactly true, and Steve knew that- Billy had known demons before Steve could ever corrupt him with the concrete. 

But without the concrete there would be no Upside Down, he knew it- Billy had been snatched because of him. 

Billy and everyone was meant to escape- to get out of the web that was Hawkins. 

Billy wasn’t meant to die, he was meant to return to California, to the sun. 

Steve wasn’t. 

_ Burn it all down.  _

Steve didn’t know why it had reverberated through his soul so much. 

He knew that back then; it wasn’t just concrete they had wanted to burn down, it had been  _ all,  _ ** _all the numbers, all the doctors, all the concrete, them included. _ **

Steve was never meant to get out Hawk- out of the concrete. 

There was something powerful about having nothing left, of knowing how you were going to end it.  ** _He_ ** had known that same strength laying in the remains of children pit against a god of beyond. 

**_He_** had felt it coursing through his veins as the heat of finally being loved and connected meant **_his_** own demise. 

Steve knew it now. 

Could remember that same strength as something just as lonely and lost as he was invaded. They had never planned to get out- a hatred for a world that would never give them happiness. 

They had just wanted to be loved, to be connected, to be free; why were they prophesied to be lost in the demise? 

** _Burn it all down, after all, if we don’t get to live, neither do they. _ **

  
  


He didn’t hear Billy shout, he didn’t even feel himself fall. 

All that was there was him and the darkness around him, a small red thread spindling forward from the abyss before him. It was hesitant, slowly unravelling, until it became that small hand that had wiped his tear away. 

There was a vibration around him as Billy screamed, but Steve finally lifted a hand back out to the thread. It slowly wrapped around his finger and Steve could feel it’s embrace like  ** _coming home._ **

Titov was still there, as was another soldier-  ** _Ivan_ **

And then it was just  them

It really was just the same as back then, so angry and hurt, wanting to destroy the world he admired so much and yet could not touch. 

He could hear the soft _Hello_ without actually feeling the vibrations in his ears. 

Steve didn’t remember how much this being made his heart thump, how much it caused his blood to slow and his eyes not be able to move, like injecting that concrete right into him- it was slowly freezing him up from the inside out. 

And yet it wasn’t just that, he could feel everything **he** felt. The constant burning around his body as he crawled inside the warm body of the only one that had welcomed his presence. The feeling of life and how it was the sun to their icarus. They wanted to touch and exist with these such intelligent and complex beings, with wonders so different than their abode. 

There wasn’t a constant flash of crackling anger in the sky, there weren't empty heads in the beings around them- they weren’t alone here. 

And yet- they did not want ** _ him,_ ** instead they burned him with something that had not existed in his world, something that burned hotter than the beating inside their chest. 

They wailed and their bodies couldn’t survive the twisting he needed. 

He just wanted to make them more compatible, to live with them, to understand them, to just be apart of them- and so he twisted them just like he had all the other beings in the world separate. 

But then they screamed louder than he had ever seen- thrashed and moved, burned brighter- like a star exploding, and then-  _ gone….silence….alone again.  _

This world was not meant to love them- they belonged in the concrete, and they would not allow it anymore. 

**They were going to Burn it all down. **

When Steve slowly brought his eyes open he was no longer in the darkness, but looking up at Billy surrounded by concrete, but no longer alone. 

**Never alone. **

  
  


**“** What the fuck did you do Steve!” Billy was shouting, shaking Steve’s shoulders. 

There was a moment of recollection from **His** perspective, but only a flash of Billy in a car...the van, then gone. **He** didn’t know Billy. 

**Friend.** It swirled like smoke in his eyes and nose, making them start to water. 

_ Yeah, a friend.  _ **Nothing more. ** Steve squeezed his eyes shut at that. He didn’t need to be reminded of his crush- he really didn’t need to be caught up in another unattainable love that would hurt more than anything to ponder on. Billy was going to get out, Steve-

**Burn it all down. **

_ Yeah. _

“Steve!” He opened his eyes back up to Billy. He could feel Titov walking closer- like moving his arm down, he knew eventually the limb would hit his torso and hip- Titov would arrive soon, That’s where  **He resided in whole. **

Like a Hermit crab waiting in a shell of a skull. 

“Fucking answer me Steve! You do not get to do something fucking stupid! You hear me! Fuck you!” 

_ Too late,  _ Steve thought wistfully. He slowly sat up but Billy wasn’t moving, still ranting, cursing Steve out endlessly. Somehow all it did was make his smile spread wider. 

“You’ll get out of here Billy.” 

**We have an elevator key.**

“What- what the fu- Steve what did you do! What-” “He has an elevator key Billy.” Steve cut him off. 

“You- ho-” Billy shook his head looking horrified, “How do you know that?” He was stock still, his eyes cutting down over Steve’s body. Steve wondered if the coldness slowly riding through his veins could be seen with black tendrils under his skin. 

“He told me.” Steve offered, “Titov will be here soon- he’s going to get you out, okay?” Billy stumbled back on his butt as Steve stood up. For once Steve was the one standing up and having someone below him looking up in absolute horror. 

“You- what did- you le-” He couldn’t seem to get his words together. 

“I let him in.” Steve mumbled, looking away as he could feel that other soldier Ivan walking towards the weapons- Steve could practically see what Ivan saw from his eyes, could see the numerous sticks of amo and guns, could see rods of some kind of electricity. 

“What- St- Fuck! Do you realize wh- How the fuck could you do that! He’s the enemy Steve!” He roared, rocketing up and grabbing Steve’s shirt tight, like he had that night. He could feel the flash of burning rage, a question, the feeling of something looking out his eyes with him. 

“He isn’t dangerous,” He whispered to the shadow in him. 

“Fuck he isn’t!” Billy tugged him closer, “You! You went through all this trouble to what!? Just give in?!” He was spitting in his anger, his face turning red in his fury. Steve was sure he had never seen Billy so angry. “What was the point of this all then!? Huh?!” He was looking into Steve so deeply, Steve was almost certain he would have drowned had he not had a red line wrapped around him to pull him out of the ocean of blue. 

Steve looked down at the hand holding his shirt, it was shaking. 

“I wanted to know.” Steve whispered honestly, he then slowly grabbed the hand holding onto Steve’s shirt like a lifeline. He could hear Billy suck in a steadying breath as if he was on the verge of tears. “I wanted answers- I wanted to finally not be alone.” Steve could feel Titov step down their hallway and the resounding sense of finally being able to relax. 

“And I wanted a purpose.” He divulged, so softly; one of his deeper secrets. He had always just wanted to be wanted to be loved, to be important, and needed; and that’s what  ** _HE_ ** brought. 

Billy’s hand slowly slipped away from Steve’s shirt and blinked and there it was- a tear slowly falling down his cheek. 

“You-You don’t-” His eyes were jumping back and forth over Steve’s, as if he was searching for the right words to say. “You don’t get to play fucking martyr.” He snarled at Steve, his tears still falling as he got in Steve’s face. 

“You hear me!” He barked, “You’re not fucking special! You’re not some hero! You don’t get to play martyr Harrington!” Steve could see it in Billy, the desire to hurt, and destroy. “You’re just a dumbass and you can’t do this! You need-” His voice was shaking,” -to march back around and get out of this fucking nightmare and- and- and get that fucking alien fuck out of you!” His tears never stopped, his breath shuddering. 

“You don’t get to just decide- to decide to just-” His face was pinched and it had to hurt with the broken nose. 

“Be a martyr?” Steve offered. Billy only scowled in response but it didn’t look at all threatening. 

“So what?” He choked, “You just decided to give up? Like a fucking pussy?” He licked his lips and shook his head as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. 

Deep, deep down inside where a little bird chirped and a woman spoke of rain, Steve would have cried right then, would have begged to be saved for once, to sob to Billy why couldn’t he just be happy, to receive love? 

Why was he doomed from the beginning, he had not chosen this. 

He would have folded in half sobbing of his crush, of how much he wanted to leave the concrete and run away with Billy forever to the ocean and lovely sky- to the place where the rain fell with promises. 

But as his senses become a light with ice and vines, it whispered back with a melodious song of belonging,  ** _We belong here, you are needed, we have to burn it all down. _ **

** _We need each other. _ **

They needed each other, and without Steve the concrete would never be fully gone. 

Titov opened the door, the shelf Billy had pushed in front easily shoved to the side. 

“No!” Billy snapped, his hands clenched into fists. “No! I’m not letting this happen!” He turned to Titov in fury, his eyes still red with tears. 

“Billy-” “Don’t you Fucking Dare!” Billy snarled at Steve. 

Steve felt a harsh tug on the thread wrapped around him and he stumbled back in surprise to see Titov holding out his hand. 

“You stay the fuck away!” Billy roared grabbing onto Steve’s arm but it was too late, Steve’s hand had moved without his thought, with the thought of another inside. 

He grabbed hold of Titov and the world exploded around him. 

So much thoughts and images of being forced out of his own body- back in that room with all the children, his mother tasing him until  ** _He _ ** was coughed up and burned- but it wasn’t really. He had latched onto a man- another soldier, just barely surviving with a constant swirl of pure hatred, He was jumping from soldier to soldier, so weak, cut off from his main body- from the him in their home. 

Steve could see as he became so resentful following the small ping Steve set off, like a transmission to a radio- a siren’s call. 

Steve isn’t the only one- there’s others that sing to him, but Steve is familiar- they don’t care for the other songs. 

Steve can see the jump to Titov, the final attempt to pick up strength the first tendril to Ivan, and seeing Steve for the first time at Scoops, how the concrete and gate left so much static noise it was almost impossible to see a single thing- even Steve became invisible in that static. But they could recognize him anymore, the small threads of green trailing around him. 

Could see his own body contort on the ground of Scoops and felt the urge to consume, how  **He** had wanted to take Steve away right then and there, swept him away from the concrete below him but it  **hadn't been time yet. **

  
  


He could also feel the lack of call from the gate- there was no one waiting on the other side, they were alone and they would never return to that world, all that was left was to make sure this world ceases to be for their misdeeds. They had hurt him too much. 

And yet something felt so irrevocably  ** _Wrong_ ** about it all, as if the images and pictures and ideas entering his mind were false. 

**Truth. Truth. Truth. Truth. Truth. **

It echoed in him,  _ right, he would never lie to him, they were one now, they were finally connected, together.  _

The red thread more than just that now, turning into roots growing around him.

It was like being swept in a tsunami, Steve was getting lost, he couldn't-  _ he couldn't figure which was him and which was the other.  _

_ His cup of consciousness was being dumped in the ocean, being so spread out he wasn't sure who he was anymore. _

  
  


All he could think about was the  **Truth. Truth. Truth. Truth. Truth. **

He was getting lost in it all, it was no longer separate thought, only what it stated as truth, and it was too deep too vast to be able to see it all, the depths were beyond his reach despite being mixed into everything. 

He couldn't possibly see it all, he barely got a glance at Billy before he was lost completely into the abyss of  **him.**

_____

He sees a lot in the dark now. 

Sees the Upside Down right way up; as a home. Witnesses the fascinating life around him and how incredible it is, and upon touching it how utterly boring it is. 

He sees the first call, it's not a portal of any kind; but a rip with a scream of a child in concrete. Number one they call him. 

But the fact is there have been many rips in their world, all interesting but nothing can keep their attention, not like that song did. 

A transmission singing through the crack, an electric current constantly radiating out a signal. 

He can't help but follow. 

He sees the other world and the new beings and how much more fascinating they were. 

Sees a woman with cold eyes, colder than even their home. 

He also sees other things; sees a woman with dark hair smile as she helps a little number seven down the hall holding his hand despite not being allowed to touch the subjects. 

The perspective flips and now he sees this woman smile down at him and help him learn his numbers and letters, and whispers small things about how he has his father's eyes, and his mothers beauty marks. 

He sees as this woman taps his mole on his cheek, and smiles sweetly. 

She sings soft words and idly wonders if his hair is the same color of his eyebrows. Would it be the same color as hers? As his mother's? Or his father's? 

She whispers a word in his ear when he asks if she's a doctor, she shakes her head and whispers back  _ tetya _ , aunt. 

His perspective flips again and suddenly he's looking out from another small window at that same brunette speak angrily. 

"He needs proper care and nourishment! If you want any results in his abilities, he needs to leave this place! Let him go outside! Let him feel loved!" 

Its the cold woman again with other soldiers, and despite the cold woman being the smallest and youngest of them all she stands as if she had the most authority. 

"I find it odd that Seven seems to fail when six others have succeeded." Her eyes are like ice as she stares his aunt down. 

"He's different from others." She pushes. 

"A failure!" A general snaps, "we shouldn't waste potential on him!" 

"On contrary, seven is the most important Colonel Ozerov." The perfect woman states easily, and walks towards a file with a small  _ click, click, click _ . 

"You can not be serious!" The other soldier buts in as Ozerov snarls. 

"Quite, general Stepanov." She lightly picks up some kind of long file, a blue streak cutting across the whole sheet rocketing violently over the page. 

"We have recorded his activity, he is the strongest." She offers, "we just can't find his medium." She sighs as if it's all a minor inconvenience. 

"And I once again propose we let him experience the world to see what his...ability is! Perhaps it's not something we can generate in the base?" The brunette pushes, her hands are clutched to her chest. 

"Let me guess, you want to take him to Sankin, Valvina?" The perfect woman asked, his aunt froze. 

"I- of course not, it would not be up to me, but I would like to suggest my hometown of Sankin, yes. It's a rural farm area and close to Cape North it would be a perfectly safe place to let Se-" 

"I've already thought of a place." She cut off his aunt. 

He could see his aunt falter at that, "you have?" 

"Yes." His mother nodded once and Ozerov turned to her with his hard eyes. 

"I have heard nothing of this!" 

"Consider it a pet project." She simply stated as if it was simple, "I'd be going with him of course, I've already set down the ground work." 

"Wait- you? But I'm, I'm his handler?" 

"You think you can just take out one of our properties and galavant it arou-" his aunts voice was lost in the roar of the Colonel. 

"Of course not Colonel, consider him just an addition to the recon mission." Ozerov's face evened out from red and a small smile started to spread on his lips. 

"The energy base." He smirked. 

"Yes, Colonel." She smiled easily in response, and then turned to his aunt with that same smile. 

"And yes, you are his handler, but you won't be for much longer."

"Excuse me? Why n-" 

"Honestly Valvina, you think we didn't realize you had changed your last name? We knew you had blood relations to seven, that's why we brought you on." The cold woman stood fully straight and despite being so much younger he could suddenly distinctly recognize his mother there. 

"You were meant to draw out that power but you haven't been able to, so we have one last test to make sure he actually will be of use. Should he pass I will be bringing him to the outside, and you will return to your farmland empty handed and thankful we have left you with your life." Her face never once contorted in her anger always simple and easy and even the colonel seemed impressed with her. 

His aunt looked absolutely gutted, her hand going to clutch at her stomach. 

"No, i- i understand...i-" she took a rough shuddering breath and he could see her restrain her tears. 

"What is this test? I can...can prepare him?" Her voice lilted at the end as if she wasn't sure she would ever be able to do what she asked. 

"To see the  _ thing _ ." His mother lazily answered, and all color left his aunt's face. 

"What!? No! You can't! I- none of the other children have come out alive!" 

"You do not have a say in this Valvina." His mother cut off her frantic gasp of horror. 

"M- please, just take him, you can't put him in there with  _ it _ !"

"Stepanov, get rid of this wretch." Ozerov snapped his fingers to get the other soldier to grab her as she pleaded. More guards came in from outside another door to drag her away screaming. 

Her screams of  _ you'll kill him _ ! Eoched deep inside him. 

It went back to silent as it was just his mother and Ozerov. 

"So you plan to sacrifice another potential success to that thing?" He asked slowly walking around her like a cat stalking prey. And yet she didn't turn, let her back show as if Ozerov was nothing for her to fear. 

"Indeed," she simply stated, "might I remind you this is my project Colonel." 

"Your project or not, we have wasted a lot of resources on your little birds and now you're throwing them all out of the nest before they can fly." 

His mother hummed as the man prowled around her, "except these birds aren't worthy enough." 

"You imply you have something better?"

"Seven has more power than all the numbers before him combined, and the thing has been begging for the song bird. And by process of elimination, it seems seven is the one it wants. we will finally be able to see if he is as strong as we had hoped."

“All this, on a whim!? And if he to fail?”

“He won't.” she glanced over to  **him** behind the glass, her eyes conveying nothing. 

“If you're so certain why test him then?” Ozerov scowled. 

“I want to see what will happen.” she divulged with a small shrug. 

“And you put all of this on the line?” he barked, his hands in fists, and yet his face was twisted in an odd smile. 

There was a moment when she finally turned back to Ozerov and surveyed him with a breezy smile, his eyes flickering to back to the glass he was behind. 

“You asked me to create someone powerful, something controllable.” She tilted her head, “And when I’m done, You will have that.” 

"You mean the bird or the beast?" He stalked closer to her, and yet she showed no sign of caution. 

She closed her eyes to the colonel with a simple restrained smile in response. 

The world is shifting again and it's suddenly a view of another child. A different one.

Someone Steve had seen before in the concrete, he's sure…

She's standing next to the perfect woman with her arm raised so much like eleven. He can't recall which number she is. 

"He's searching for the beacon." She tells mother. 

"What is the beacon." Mother asked, and there's blood falling down the little girl's face, her eyes already bloodshot. 

And Steve can  _ feel  _ it, her small hands splashing in the water that is  _ their  _ conscious and pulling memories and thoughts out for her to read. 

Its so...so... _ invasive _ ; that the fact Steve saw her twisted remains amongst all the other kids, seem almost okay. 

_ Almost,  _ because kids...kids  _ weren't supposed to die.  _

But the water is colder and its harder to focus on that. 

Instead his head is filled with flashes of images, of green beacons across the red thunder, of light converging and warmth, impossible warmth. 

It reeking of a promise that Steve can't exactly grasp.

"An amplifier." She speaks up, her arm is shaking as if she's struggling to keep it up. 

"Its...he doesn't make sense, its like a beacon of light...of warmth? A broadcaster?" 

"A broadcaster?" His mother inquires, crouching down to be at the same level of the girl, a mock of a caring mother. 

The girl looks at mother with wide bloodshot eyes, "something...that makes everything stronger?" 

His mother is smiling and it's so familiar, in fact its the same smile she had given him when he brought Tommy home for the first time. As if she had been proud, as if he really was her child and they were celebrating his first friend. 

It's also the same smile she had when she walked through the door to stop Ozerov from hurting him any further, when he had been drugged. 

"Are you the beacon, Tri?" His mother asked, Tri looked up surprised and then slowly shook her head.

"Who is?" His mother asked. 

  
  


"It's Ṯ̵̨̨̡̛̗͚̮͇̭̫̺̯̪̤̭̮̩͇̩̼̖̟͖̲̟̰̱̳͎̻̻̦̟̤̣̞̤̲͎̖̠̭̤̘̟̦͔͂͗͌́́̇̀̈͗̑͗̍̀̈́̃͌͊̈́͌͒̓́̎̇͒̃̈́̆͜͜͜͜͠ͅḩ̶̢̡̧̛̯̮̰͖͚̙̦̜̺̖̞͕̲̜̖̖̳͖̣̰͈̦̗͔̝̭̗̩̃̈̇̇̎͋̓̎̔̓̿̃̐̑͊̈́̓͐̈́̋̔̃̎͊͐̎̌̌̎̕͜͝ͅę̶̨̢̨̧͎͖̦̤̖͎̖͔̺͇͇̫̯̠͍̙̣̺̞̥̭͇͈͍̯̫̖͔̫͙͕̤͎̽͐̿̎̾̓̆͛ ̶̹̣͚͑̎̅͊̽̓̅͗̎̍̾̇̑͆͂̈́̌̋̈́̑̀̉̒͒̃̿̚̚͘̚o̵̼̯̰̥̿̌͂̅͒͌̃̂̽̈́̈́̈́̄̐̆̓̀͐̄̽̄͆́̈́̄̾̾̐͑̔̆̈́̀͑̎̿̀͌̈̈́̚̚̚͠t̷̡̧̡̗̰̞̟͔̻̮̣̀͒̃̎͊̔͐͒̈͌͒̆̐̃̈͛̓̋͋̈́̿̍̋͆̍̕͝͝͝͝ẖ̷̡̡̧̧̧̡̛̯̤̫̹̟͖͔̳͙̟̻̻̤͙̭͕̣̲̪͉̱̱̲̜̙̫̺̙͉͎͚̦̥̖̹̜̎̂͌̓͗̄̓̄̔͌͜ḛ̵̢̨̨̧̻̱̭̬̫͓̜̫̖͈̮̯̘̬̰͙̯̋̇͑̂̓̈̆̈́̌̇̆͂̀̈́̈́̓̎̑͘͠͝͠͠ͅŗ̴̡̢̛͈͙̟͉̱̬͈͇̯͎̙̥͖͔͙̙̹̗̻̞͔͇̬̮̜͔̩̩̱̫͒̈́̋͊̑̅͆̿͒͊̇̍͌͊̈́̊͋͗͆̎̄̋̍͑̈́̏̍̎̉̎̅͗͘̚̚̚̚͘͜͠͝͠͝͠ͅ ̵̧̧̣͖̜̯̭͇̬͓̦̥̈́̍͂͋̒̌̃̈́̄ͅķ̸̧̭̩̙͕͉̖͕̮̣̘̘̙͍̎͐͌̅͋̈́̉̋̉̂̕͝ȉ̷̢̢̡̥̹͉̮̪̠͎̦͉̘͖͙̹̱̘̑̋͆̉̍̏̀̀̽͋̂́̾̈́͜ď̵̢̧̛̛̞̻̮̮͕̘̦̮̼̙̗̘̝̫̭͔͙͚͖̙̦̜̫̤̞̤͇̪̭̝͈̻̙͕̮̳͉̿̀́̉͌̈́̆̑̋̌͗̓̅̍̽͛͐̌̈́̋̂̏͗̉̔̓͗̕͜͜͝͝͠͝ͅ-̴̢̧̢̡̡̛̹͍̠͈͇͚͇̗̝̲͎̪͙̼̦̰̭̹͔̪̭͚̹̘̘̲͈̟̺̫̥̣̤͎͈̠͙̱͇̻͎̳͔̖̼̗̖̓̾̓͊͑̓̌̆̓̓͛̽̈̓̔͒̍̉̾̽̽̀͒͆͆̾̓̾̒̈̋̈́̉͂̔͘͝"

  
  
  
  
  


Everything is twisting on Steve and for a moment he thinks he can hear Billy’s voice calling his name. 

He's being sucked into a whirlpool in the water and pulled away, the memory being corrupted in the roar of waves. 

There's so much more flashing of lights like cracks of red thunder hitting the ocean. 

He's so lost as everything is spindling around him, as he's unraveled and spread through the blender that is this ocean. 

If he focuses he can hear Billy's voice screaming, he can't tell if it's another memory of if it's happening now. 

He can hear El’s voice calling his name. 

  
  


He's being pushed further into the depths, being sucked in further and Steve knows if he lets it, he will be lost completely. He’s sure the further in he goes the more he can hear El’s voice.

_ "Do you want out?" _

Steve blinked up and he was no longer in water but in a concrete room with his...aunt, his aunt; Valvina. 

She looks so soft and she tilts her head and smiles so sweetly. 

"What?" Steve can't help but blurt out. 

"Darling?" She asks so softly, her hands reaching towards him and he's no longer a kid, but rather in his eighteen year old body, and she's brushing his hair out of his face. 

" _ You don't like it here."  _ He doesn't. He wants out, he _ \-  _ ** _can't _ ** **he belongs here. To burn. **

"I can't- i have to-" 

"Why?" She asks, petting his hair back, and brushing tears away from his face. 

"I was- i was, I was  **always meant to be in the concrete, I don't deserve the life I'm part of the darkness! I caused this all! Im going to burn it all!" **

The silence is suddenly echoing and Steve no longer feels her hands comforting him. He lifts his gaze up to see her crying. Her face looks so much like Steve’s own that it makes him almost uncomfortable. 

"You think you don't deserve to see the light, the sky, but you're the one letting the darkness- the concrete win." She tells him softly and it's strange, because this can't be a memory, it's too different. 

"I don't understand," Steve admits. 

Her hand is suddenly on his cheek and it's so  _ warm,  _ as if she was filled with more life than Steve could ever imagine. It was as if she was melting the ice that had grown over him; encasing him. 

"You're allowed to be happy, you're allowed to grow. " she told him adamantly. For some reason his voice was stuck in his throat as she spoke. 

"Just just because you are part of something evil, doesn't mean you have to continue the cycle. Grow. Be better." Steve couldn't stop the tears falling from his face and he was suddenly becoming aware of the numb prickling over his whole body, as if his body had fallen asleep on him. 

"You aren't half of that monster. You're you, and you get to decide what that means." Steve couldn't keep his eyes open anymore, his eyes shut tight as he sobbed, curling in on himself. 

"You don't get to play martyr, Steve." And there was Billy there, waiting by the open metal door. 

"You can walk out." He stated easily, "it's gonna be difficult, but you can leave." He was telling Steve, he face pinched in that way that said he was holding back tears. 

Steve sobbed, "what if I can't?" 

"Then you're admitting you want to be part of that monster." 

Steve looked up but Billy wasn't there anymore, instead there was a small bird staring at him. His big black eyes were reflective and Steve could see himself in them sobbing, chained up in red. 

He slowly looked down to see the red threads locked around him, clinging to him, digging into his bones. 

He started to pull. 

_ It hurt!  _ Everything was slicing into him, pulling him apart, echoing into his chest  **stay, stay, stay, stay, stay. Sleep, sleep, sleep. **

He was getting lost in the reverberations but he kept pushing, he  _ didn't  _ want to die here. He didn't want to just... _ give up!  _

_ He wanted to see the sky! He wanted to see the ocean! He wanted to kiss Billy! He wanted to see his hometown Sankin! He wanted to see his friends! He wanted out! He wanted out!! _

The roots were digging further in, clawing him back, trying to keep him away, but Steve kept fighting, the concrete around him was cracking. 

_ He wanted to see California! He wanted to see Dustin. He wanted to see Robin, to admit how he felt that she wasn't alone. He wanted to hug Joyce, to hug Hop for caring so much.  _

His head was splitting apart and he felt like his body was slowly coming back to him and with it every nerve was on fire. But he couldn't give up, he couldn't be the bird in a cage anymore when the gate was open right there for him. 

_ He wanted to see everyone again, he wanted out of the concrete.  _

He's screaming now, he has to be, it  _ hurts it all hurts.  _

  
  


And suddenly the red threads don't cling so tight and he falls down onto hard concrete with a red siren above him, and he's slammed into reality, his body suddenly so over stimulated, for a moment he's sure he's going to vomit. 

He can feel the way  **he's ** holding Steve up in their conscious, letting him stay afloat in the ocean that is him so Steve can peer out of his own eyes, and move his own body. 

Billy is nowhere to be found and they have moved into a hallway, their hands are slick with blood and blood is dripping down Steve’s face. 

He has no idea what  **they've ** done. He tries to turn around but a cold hand grabs his jaw and forces him to keep looking forward, its  **him. **

He doesn't know what to do,  **walk.**

So he does. 

He wonders where Billy is...did he get out safe? Whose blood was on his hands? 

He can hear pounding of feet and his head is spinning, he's not entirely sure he isn't falling, that the ground isn't turning on him to make him fall down the hallway instead of stumble. 

Steve doesn't know his destination but  **he** does, making his feet walk, puppeteering him in the path desired. 

He can see a door, a door with a window, and  _ oh, oh he can feel the gate.  _

Its ahead, buzzing, rippling through his joints like shocks of electricity, like ants running under his skin. 

He doesn't feel the way his hand pressed against the door, how he pushes it open and reveals the vast chasm before him with the bright blinding beam of light cracking the reality in half. It felt like what he imagined falling from the Quarry would feel like. 

Then there was a silhouette in front of him, a figure standing in between him and  ** _home._ **

“Hello Steven.” his eyesight was turning red and there she was. 

His mother. 

She had a small smile on her face, as if she was proud. 

“You….” Steve could barely get the voice out of his throat, something else wanting to choke him and destroy. “You, you took everything-” 

“I did.” She calmly interrupted, “But it was all for you.” She smiled gently as if she was talking to a child. 

“How in the fuck was this for me! You took me away from my home!” 

“And gave you a better home, Steven, without me you wouldn’t be here.” Steve couldn’t help but gape at that.

“You tortured and killed kids!” Steve roared at his mother, his hands falling into fists, feeling acid fill his veins with the thick ice sludge burning him up. 

“I got rid of faulty assets, until there was one good one left.” She sighed as if Steve was being difficult, “And here you stand.” She smiled. 

**Burn her down.**

Steve had to agree with that sentiment. She deserved nothing more than to burn with this hell of a creation she had started. 

“There's two of us,” Steve bit out, slowly raising his hand up, blood starting to fall from his nose. He didn’t even have to think, within a blink she was thrust back and he didn’t even wait for the thud, his body already moving towards the beam of light. 

He kept walking and with each step came the resounding thrum of something coming alive under his skin. It was almost awe inspiring, having his veins becoming a light with a vibration beyond his own comprehension. 

He was right next to the roaring machine and his hands rested on it, burning his palms.  **Almost.**

Steve found his hands moving on their own accord finding a control panel, or what looked to be a control panel, it was a gear box of sorts and Steve found himself reaching out with a red thread- with a force he had mimicked from another child to-

And then it was white. 

So, so, white, and his nerves were frayed beyond belief. 

Lost in a sea and a whisper in his ear getting so much closer. 

  
  
  


Steve didn’t know what was happening but one second he was holding onto the machine and the next he was staring up at El. 

“Steve.” Her nose was bleeding and she looked sick. 

He wanted to ask her what was wrong, what was happening? If she had seen Billy? 

But he couldn’t, his jaw clenched, as if thick fingers were squeezing it shut and silencing him, just like his father had. He couldn’t move... _ he couldn’t move! _

His body was stuck and it was terrifying as something else tightened his muscles into contractions, pins and needles running down his nerves and his vision is blurring from tears. 

“Finally.” His voice croaked out. The words were not his own, “We’ve been waiting for you.” he felt like he was puking, the words escaping his throat without his consent. 

“Let my friend go.” Her face was pinched, and the blood kept falling, and Steve couldn’t even close his eyes, feeling trapped within his own body as El stood before him. 

“No.” He coughed out, the grip on his jaw only tightening, making his teeth creak under the pressure, his skin feeling too tight. 

His body was standing up, towering over El and his face was contorting on him, twisting into a mock of a smile.

“I finally caught the bird, the beacon, my tower-” 

“I won’t let you have my friend.” El cut off the creature inside Steve’s skin, her voice hard but wavering, as if she was already tired. 

“I think you should-” Steve choked as something black started to fall from his lips,”-focus more on yourself.” El took a step back as Steve took a step forward. 

“We know where you are, we won’t let you win.” El’s eyes were widening, becoming unsure. 

“Except you forgot child,” Steve’s head was tilting on him, pulling and straining on his neck, as something forced him to move to their requirements, “There’s two of us.” 

El’s eyebrows furrowed- and then she was screaming.

Steve didn’t even have time to register the giant slash of red that had hooked into her leg, a thread that was thicker than one Steve had ever seen before. 

She was screaming and bubbling as the thread was tugging her, and Steve could see her now surrounded by other people, for a moment he thought he could see Nancy. 

The surroundings were blurry but there was someone outside, and a creature Steve couldn’t even comprehend.

Steve can see so much red threads holding that creature together and one giant one holding onto the person with a hatchet. Steve swears he can recognize that face, someone from his childhood. 

Steve was pulled away in a second stuck in his own body holding onto the gate machinery,  **soon, soon she would come, and with the beacon then they could finally burn this world down, and finally make their home. **

Steve could feel it now, the lost edges into the ocean, the trenches below that he was pushed away from in the currents of the mindflayer. 

He had never been alone- only separated, he could see it now. 

Like a limb cut off when the gate was shut in concrete,  **he ** was waiting for the rest of him, ever so slowly, and right when he was about to  **have it al** l, to finally be  **free** . She had locked him back up, separate from the small piece of him locked here. 

He could see the other one attack Billy in his car, drag him down the numerous steps, he can see himself try to pry it out and watched it crawl out of his house down his street to one of his most beloved childhood friends’ house. 

He watched as slowly one by one they were taken, people from his town, a spider making a nest. He can see how their threads had reached out and linked with Titov, how they had been waiting for eighteen years to be reunited. How Steve had been the perfect bridge. 

Afterall, there were two of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that was it, the two mindflayers have been hinted on for a long time now and I was curious if anyone would catch it before hand, as well as if anyone can guess who the new mindflayer's host is? It's pretty obvious but I'm curious if anyone saw that coming either? 
> 
> Thank you everyone who commented on the last chapter, i honestly would have left this story ages ago had it not been for all of you who have been so kind and supportive of this fic. Im so sorry it took so long to get out, I just needed to find myself again. 
> 
> Pls let me know what you think.


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